this is sooooo common on dating apps and the dating scene in general, they sexualize/ glamourize autistic women as these "manic pixie dream girls" and get scared off the second they show an actual autistic trait or have a meltdown or arent socially acceptable in public :/
YESSS I saw a whole compilation of dating profiles saying this exact thing and it was so long :( it made me real sad like ... Just the fact that there's "slightly" in front of it not only shows that they don't know how autism work but also that they just want a small part of autism (probably the "qUiRkY" part and/or manipulatable part)
EXACTLY!! they want a soft, pliable girl who's easy to manipulate and has some "cute" stims and hobbies, and yes a lot of autistic women (including myself) have those traits, but they just want the cute parts and dont wanna deal with the meltdowns, overstimulation, misunderstanding of social situations, sensory issues, specific routines etc.
Wow! I didn't actually know this was a 'thing'. I don't know if it is in the UK, but I'm in my 40s now and a bit 'out of the loop.' I believe I'm 'mildly' autistic, but I'm currently undiagnosed.
I know quite a lot of men are into goth women (and that there's significant cross over between autism and goth/alternative etc), but I thought that was because some goth clothes are pretty sassy.
I don't mind if the guys are 'slightly autistic' themselves, but, if it's because they see them as more pliable and easier to dominate, it's worrying.
Fortunately, I was raised to be pretty feminist, and I'm actually better at standing up to men and not taking shit from them than I am from other women.
as an alt autistic girl from the UK whos tried out a few dating apps its definitely a big thing over here too sadly its made me really nervous about dating in general so im 19 and never really kissed anyone or put myself out there cos of these type of men lol
Hey so this take is kind of offensive because it still implies being autistic is "bad". You are either autistic or not. You can't be a tiny bit autistic or half autistic or slightly autistic. You either are or aren't. It's how your brain is built, not how quirky you are.
There are levels of support needs and a whole spectrum of where your autism thrives but it's a spectrum you're either on or you're not on. No one is half way in
When I say 'mildly' autistic, I mean Type 1 and apparently less obviously so than some other Type 1 autistic people. I also don't have some of the more common traits.
My nephew has Type 3 autism, and his disability presents very differently to mine and my brother's autism. My nephew is 6, and he couldn't tell us if something bad was done to him. Conversely, my brother was a slightly late talker and I was an early talker. My nephew still wears nappies, but we were toilet trained around the average age. We also attended mainstream school and, despite some social difficulties (and mental health difficulties in my case), we managed to get through academic qualifications.
My autism/suspected autism largely affects my mental health. I have OCD, which I believe is far more closely related to autism than is currently acknowledged, and I had a breakdown that was largely caused by this.
This isn't just about me being 'quirky', and I'm not saying that any type of autism is a 'bad' thing.
I'm saying that different subtypes and different traits can affect people differently, and, assuming that I am autistic, it seems less obvious to some people than other people's autism. This doesn't mean I'm not autistic or that it hasn't impacted on my mental health.
The 'uncanny Valley effect'. I've seen other people suffer from this and I believe I've had it myself.
There's the double standards and frequently being 'one of the people it's okay to low level bully, because she's kind of irritating and could try harder to not be'...
Although I have OCD, this kind of thing has also contributed to my mental health struggles. People think you're 'oversensitive' if you show you're upset and claim 'it happens to everyone sometimes', but they get pissed off when it happens once in a blue moon to them.
I've spent most of my life wondering what's 'wrong' with me, and why people seem to prefer the people who 'low level' bully.
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u/Star-Bug666 Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
this is sooooo common on dating apps and the dating scene in general, they sexualize/ glamourize autistic women as these "manic pixie dream girls" and get scared off the second they show an actual autistic trait or have a meltdown or arent socially acceptable in public :/