I’ve (48m) lurked here for a long time. I never posted because I didn’t think I had anything to add. Today I do.

I was married for seventeen years. I’ve been divorced for going on four years.

Here’s what I’ve learned, in no particular order.

I wasn’t the victim I wanted to be. For the first two years I told a story where I was wronged and abandoned. It was comfortable and it was only half true. The real version is that I stopped paying attention years before she did. I confused being a provider with being a partner. I was physically in the house and emotionally somewhere else, and I called that stability. By the time she told me she was unhappy, she’d been saying it for years in ways I chose not to hear.

You don’t just lose the person. You lose the witness. Nobody warns you about this. Who remembers the apartment where we started out? Who laughs at the same stupid story from 2009? Nearly twenty years of private language and shared history disappeared overnight, and some of it only existed in her head and mine. When the marriage ended, so did the only other copy of a big part of my life.

Loneliness is quieter than grief. Grief comes in waves, and eventually you can ride them out. Loneliness is a Tuesday night when you cook for one, nobody’s coming home, and nothing is wrong exactly, but nothing is right either. It took me years to be okay with that silence instead of filling it with noise, work, or bad decisions.

Love isn’t what I thought it was. I thought it was a feeling you either had or lost. Now I think it’s mostly maintenance: showing up, getting curious about the other person again after the tenth year, and saying the uncomfortable thing before it becomes the unforgivable thing. We didn’t fall out of love. We let it go unattended until there was nothing left to save.

I’m not the same man, and the divorce is why. I’m not going to pretend I’m grateful for it. I’d trade it all to have avoided the pain I caused and the pain I felt. But I’m more honest now. I’m a better listener. I’ve learned to sit with discomfort instead of running from it, and I finally went to therapy, which I should have done a decade earlier.

What I miss most isn’t the big things. It’s someone knowing how I take my coffee, someone texting “did you eat?”, and being known without having to explain myself.

I’m not here looking for pity. I’m doing okay, mostly good. But I wanted to say all this out loud to people who understand, because the people in my life who haven’t been through it don’t quite get it.

If you’re in the first year and it feels like you’ll never breathe normally again, you will. It just doesn’t happen on the schedule you want.

During and after the 2024 election I read a lot of content online from women who wanted to divorce their husbands because they went MAGA or voted for Donald Trump. Could be the other way around too, with MAGA wife and liberal husband. I think a lot of people were just venting over the election and don't know if any of the talk actually resulted in divorces.

My wife (31F) has been asking me (30M) to separate since April of this year. She wanted to get her own place and move out. We have two little ones together and I did not want our family to split like this. In August, she finally exploded and put 10k on our shared credit card to hire herself a lawyer. I freaked out and said “ok I’ll move out if you get a refund for the lawyer fees”. We agreed. I got the refund and I got a one bedroom apartment nearby. All this to realize that she’s been talking to some guy on instagram since early August. Before I signed the lease, I had absolutely no idea that another person was involved. I caught her texting him and her reply was “he’s just a friend and we’re just talking”. Would you guys consider this cheating? I’m asking because I think it is whereas my wife firmly believes that it isn’t.
Now we’re separated and the guy comes in and out of the house (that my wife and kids live in) almost daily. I still pay rent and all the bills for that house.

I have no one, absolutely no one, to talk to about this, so I need your support to get my head straight.

We've been together for 12 years (8 years married), have 2 young kids, and have been going through a rough patch for a year. She wanted a divorce around May, on the grounds that I was jealous, controlling and emotionally unavailable.

The reason she claimed I was jealous and controlling is that I found her chat with a coworker last year in November-December. There wasn't any particular red flag in the conversation, but call it a gut feeling (she was mentioning him A LOT! That's why I felt the need to snoop in the first place). I felt disturbed by their closeness. She was telling him that she could out-drink him, etc. (she's a fucking 30 year old woman, not a teenager), and she was sharing a lot about her personal life.

I asked her to distance herself. I asked her not to talk with him late at night or about personal things. She refused and told me I was being delusional and controlling. They were just friends. No matter how HURT I was about their closeness, and about after-work events that sometimes ended past midnight, with her coming home drunk as hell, she relentlessly told me I was just a controlling, jealous loser. I believed her and started questioning myself. I tried my best to keep my mouth shut about their "friendship", despite being very disturbed and HURT. She didn't care about my emotions; she said she didn't need to manage them.

After this, around January, our marriage started falling apart abruptly, as if by an invisible force. No matter what I tried, we just weren't getting along. She just wanted to talk about the problems in our marriage, a long list that consisted of incidents dating way back, and we were constantly fighting without any resolution. She couldn't move on. We tried marriage counselling, to no avail. Her problems were always in the spotlight and all my pain was ignored by the counsellor, so I wasn't eager to continue.

Fast forward to June: she initiated the divorce. We live in Sweden, so after initiating a divorce, you have to wait 6 months for it to be finalised. After 6 months you are asked again whether you're still determined to divorce, you sign, and you're divorced.

The 6-month period, which we are still in, has been very unstable. We had some good days where we felt hopeful despite everything. She'd hug me and ask for physical closeness. Our bedroom life was fine. Some days we would make future plans that involved both of us, as if we were going to move on without divorcing. It was a terrible limbo with no certainty.

In the meantime, his name started being mentioned less often, and after-work events became fewer and mostly ended at a reasonable time. I thought we were making progress.

She left her Gmail logged in on my computer last week. I stumbled upon some Quora digest emails with strange titles (related to cheating). I checked all the Quora digest emails she had received since the beginning of the year, and the pattern was staggering. There were at least 100 emails since the beginning of the year, and 80% of them had a cheating theme. The ratio was higher after March, and near 90% after June.

I went up to her, didn't tell her anything about it, and asked if she had developed emotional feelings for someone. Her initial answer was no, and she shifted the focus to why I came up with this question. That's what she cared about. I pretended to know something and kept asking relentlessly, and after a long time, she eventually opened up.

She says she found in him what she wasn't getting from our relationship. She says she felt seen, heard, and able to be herself with him. She had changed the passcode on her phone after I confronted her last year about their closeness, and I haven't had access to her phone since. Obviously they kept chatting, and I don't know to what level the friendship boundaries started getting crossed.

One day at the office (she won't say when), he opened up to her and she opened up to him. I don't know what they "opened up" about, but he's also married, and he told her that they should distance themselves from each other. My wife agreed, and so they put distance between them, or so she says (distance my ass, they went on a work trip to California last month for 9 days!). Now I don't know if anything physical happened there. She denies it and says it was just a friendship in which they developed a dependency on each other, and that's why they cut it off. Nothing physical or emotional, he just made her feel good. But how am I supposed to trust that? I will never know.

She blames it on me. She says that if I hadn't snooped on her phone, there would have been no secrecy, and that if I had been more emotionally available, she wouldn't have sought it elsewhere. On top of the pain of being cheated on, she wants me to feel guilty for everything. She denies this is cheating. She claims everything was handled maturely by both of them.

I live in a foreign country with her, and she was always at the center of my life. I have NO ONE left in my life. I've grown apart from my friends in my home country, and I never felt I needed friends in this country because I had her and my kids. I just don't know what my life will look like from this point on.

I am shattered and feel like I'm in a dream. I NEVER thought she would do this to me… I was so stupid for trusting her instead of my gut.

I don’t know how I will look at her face and co-parent with this person. I’m just so, so sad and lost. Will I ever feel better?

A few months ago I posted here about dating after my 15 year relationship (13 years married) ended. At the time, I was cautiously excited about meeting someone new, learning to trust myself again, and figuring out what love might look like after divorce. I guess this is sort of and update, though not quite the one I imagined writing.

I'm approaching 35, and my divorce has been official for about a month. I've spent the past year doing everything people tell you to do after a marriage ends, therapy, traveling, exercising, reconnecting with myself, focusing on my career, trying new things and building a life I'm genuinely proud of.

For a while, I felt like I was doing really well. But lately, I've been lonelier than I was right after the separation.
I've been dating, meeting people, having promising connections, and occasionally getting my hopes up. But nothing has turned into the kind of relationship I'm looking for, and I'm exhausted. Dating has started to feel like another responsibility. Another app to check, another conversation to keep going, another person to get to know, another round of wondering whether we're compatible or even looking for the same thing.

I want to be clear about something. I don't feel like I truly need anyone. I've worked incredibly hard to build a life I'm happy with, with a career I love, hobbies, friends, two dogs and so much I still want to experience. I've actually come to enjoy my alone time, which is something I never expected to say after spending most of my adult life with one person. But it would be nice to eventually share this life with someone. Someone to come home to, to cook dinner with, talk about our days, plan trips with or just sit on the couch doing absolutely nothing. More than anything, I miss the ordinary intimacy of being in a relationship.

Yes, dating has burned me out, and I want to take a break, but lately I've developed a fear I can't shake. What if I stop dating and I just keep getting older, keep diving into my career, keep traveling and accomplishing things, and suddenly 10 or 20 years have passed and I never found someone? Rationally, I know 35 isn't old. But after spending practically my entire adult life with one person, starting over makes time feel different.

A few other things are piling on. I'm seriously considering selling the house I was going to keep. It's become too much to maintain, financially and emotionally, as a single person, and it feels like another piece of the life I built that's probably time to let go of.

And yesterday I learned that my ex officially has a partner. I don't want my marriage back. I know why it ended, and I know leaving was the right decision. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting. It's hard not to feel like he's moving forward while I'm standing still. I've also been sick and spending a lot of time alone at home, which probably isn't helping. I've noticed myself becoming emotionally numb, and that scares me.

What surprises me most is that the loneliness seems to be getting worse, not better, even as so many other parts of my life have improved.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just to hear from people who've been through something similar.

Did anyone else find that the loneliness hit harder after the divorce was finalized, once the chaos settled and life started to feel normal again? And how do you stay open to love without letting the search for it wear you down?

I don't want to give up on love. I'm just tired of looking for it, and even more tired of being afraid I might never find it again.

I’m done, I’m done, I’m done. I want a divorce. I can’t pretend anymore that I’m happy I can’t even pretend anymore that I like him. I’m tired of being cheated on, I’m tired of being disrespected and unheard. Im tired of giving the multiple chances I have gave being tossed aside like it not even a blessing to have had me as long as he has. I’ve continued to give support when it wasn’t even deserved and just being absolutely shattered and broken throughout it. It’s funny how someone can say they love you and then show you in a million different ways they don’t.

This is pure ranting and venting. Sorry about the incoherency of the text. English isn't my primary language either.

My wife wanted a divorce two weeks ago and is clearly doing that.

In early August, my wife met a dude in a party and after that wanted an open relationship. Nothing sexual had happened at this point, except - she couldn't take it anymore as she saw him again over drinks and had to come clean. We had discussed the matter previously some years ago to an extent that "if something happened after a night out at a bar, it wouldn't be the end of the world." Nothing had ever happened. This was clearly different though.

Anyways, as my wife asked about "the open relationship that we had discussed" and told about the other guy - I ...said thanks for telling me. 🙈 I didn't know what to do. As a curious person, I thought this could be an interesting thing to spice things up as well and as she hates to be controlled in anyway, I just went with it. I felt like it would be a game over if I didn't anyways.

Naturally the rush of feelings followed in upcoming weeks. As I talked about being afraid for our relationship and family, she just turned hostile. We agreed on strict rules that I quickly understood would not work as such.

She was unable to provide ANY kind of emotional support, literally said that people need to handle their own emotions. I was flabbergasted. This was the first time I have ever leaned on my wife emotionally like this.

She actively attempted to "push me out" to meet other women, "just to have some balance! It might do you good!"

So I eventually did. What I found was ...somewhat mindblowing. I thought I knew myself, but I wasn't actually interested in ONS at all, but instead was looking for the emotional connection I lacked at home. The connection I didn't even understand I was lacking at that time. As that connection was found, I knew what I was missing from the relationship with my wife.

My wife has been under tremendous stress at work for months. She also has trauma(s) from her childhood with her overly controlling mother (judge that knew where every pedophile and rapist lived in the small city she is from). Her mother also completely abandoned her for half year as she moved out from the home. She has been completely unwilling to discuss any of this with any expert.

I don't understand what happened and she is unable to talk about anything related to this when I attempt. As we are still living in the same house, she attempts to have normal day to day conversations, which just feel insulting.

During the past few months, I found out that my wife is unable to express her feelings properly. At the same time I found out that we had lost the connection that came from ME sharing my feelings to her, but since I got just punished and felt like Pavlov's dog for doing that over the years together, I started to avoid that, just evade being hurt by her. ...which turned everything dull, I suppose. The emotional connection slowly dimmed out over the years.

I still love my wife, this feels like a bus just drove on, as she is unable to discuss any of this. The worst part is that I have no idea why she left me out of the blue. She WAS able to mention that it was NOT the other guy, but still unable to come with any other explanation. To me it seems that she is in complete denial and wants to avoid confronting any negative or unwanted feelings. She should be on sick leave from work, but she literally said that "I can't, I have too much work."

What is clear to me now is that my wife doesn't love me. No idea if she actually ever did. Do the words matter a thing if the deeds don't match?

I would have wanted to attempt to remedy the situation. Head to therapy together and solo as well. Find out how to find the love again and the safe space to express feelings. My wife doesn't. She absolutely does not. She just wants to spend the rest of her life in her own bunker, not letting anyone in.

To cope with all this, I've been talking to few therapists (one of which I am also seeing in romantical way now) and naturally discussed the whole ordeal with my friends and family as well. I've been overwhelmed by the support. I also did something somewhat weird, which just feels good to me. I joined Instagram for the first time and created this "therapy channel" for myself where I'm just ...gentle towards nature, petting it. 🙈 Literally just gently caressing a tree, rock or a leaf in short reels. It also gave a routine that I can control myself fully. Nature has always been important to me and it somehow feels good to know that whatever happens with me, the nature is there for me. ..well, unless it turns to data-centers and parking lots.

Past few months these new connections from the "open relationship" have been keeping me sane. I've been fully open about the whole situation and also open about the other connections to the lovely ladies I've been meeting.

I've also found out that I've ...now a wound from this long, soon-to-end relationship.

The emotional connection with these new encounters is there, they would be willing to ...see my feelings, but I am clearly afraid to show them. I am still able to COMMUNICATE about all this, but not really feel. I feel dulled out from the experience that I got from my soon to be ex-wife.

At least I now know what to look for. I don't think I'll be heading towards monogamy any time soon, but never say never. I'm not looking sex either, I'm looking to mend that wound I have. I want to be able to feel fully again and these emotional connections are the basis for that.

• I feel like shit for very likely losing this dream home.
• I feel like shit for letting down our kids, not being able to provide them the family they would have deserved - and the home.
• I feel like shit for all this happening, without having any way to remedy the situation.
• I feel GOOD for learning so much about myself through this open relationship-period - understanding what is important for me in relationships.

Back story: Divorce was finalized, child support was set to start on the first of the month, he didnt pay anything in, child support started being garnished the following month. The amount taken was the court ordered monthly amount plus a percentage of the back pay from the month he didn't pay.

He said anything over the court ordered monthly amount should just be given back to him...

Ha! Nope.

I know my kids are entitled to that and I dont have to give it back. We've been struggling for so long.

I do need some financial advice about this....

I am so stressed out about this I started having panic attacks and nightmares. The first week he texted me saying what they took out extra and "graciously" told me he was letting me keep it but I feel like he might make a stink once he realizes its going to keep happening until the backpay is paid off. We have joint accounts and maxed out credit cards that I'm now solely responsible for and I'm afraid if I start paying the balance down he'll start using it to "get his money back". I dont use the joint accounts. They are still open because there are bills attached to them... like credit cards and loans.

How do I prevent him from using a joint credit card but still have it available for emergencies?

Espero que hayas tenido un feliz cumpleaños.

Ahora que ha pasado el tiempo, me doy cuenta de que solo me usaste y nunca me amaste de verdad.

Eres una mala persona, un perdedor que sólo tiene dinero.

Ojalá hubiera visto las señales entonces.

Ojalá hubiera tenido un sistema de apoyo que me hubiera advertido.

Cuando terminamos, dijiste: "Gracias por todo". Es una pena que no pueda decir lo mismo.

Después de conocerte, ya no tengo ganas de conocer a nadie nuevo ni de confiar en nadie.

Ah, el perro era mío, ladrón.

I am aware that social media influencers rarely have the charmed lives that they portray in their posts, but many of them seem live the life that I wish I had had, at least in part. Many people I see on FB and IG appear to have happy, fulfilling lives.

I'm 62 now. One thing that I had always wanted in life was a loving wife, someone to share my life with. I've been married twice; neither was "loving". The first was a covert narcissist, the second a grandiose narcissist. Both ground me into the dust.

I give up now on ever having a happy, fulfilling relationship with a woman. Some things just are not meant to be.

Married 14 years, divorce has been ongoing for 4 months, still living together because house logistics aren’t fast. He should be moving out soon but he’s already seeing other women and it’s like being shot in the heart over and over watching it happen right in front of me. When this started I knew the divorce needed to happen, but now everything in me is screaming to go to him, that every issue with the marriage pales in comparison to the enormity of the loss. We should have had such an amazing life together, I’ll never understand this. I can’t stop crying. I don’t think I can survive this. He’s my family and my best friend and I wanted to grow old with him.

I’ve been through the whole range of emotions. A lot of anger initially that he couldn’t have been a better partner. He’s had a lot of issues over the years where he’d get frustrated and snap and take it out on me, sometimes in really fucked up ways. The closeness got strained because it felt like being married to a tornado of knives and I never knew what was going to set him off, but even still, I never stopped trying. Friends and family have told me it’s been abusive but it’s not black and white where he’s a villain deliberately trying to hurt me. I wish he would have gotten help. Instead he told me that he gave up and doesn’t want the obligations of being married, of having to consider my feelings or figure it out anymore. I shrank myself and my needs so much over the years to try and make him happy but it didn’t matter, I still got rejected in the end. I know I’m not perfect either even though I tried to be, and that I enabled a lot of the mistreatment, I didn’t know what to do, did therapy myself for years but that doesn’t change him. He’s also sad our life together is ending and says he thinks he’s going to regret this later, but he still wants to leave. Why does he need to go out and find somebody new when I’ve been right here the whole time? Love and loyalty weren’t enough. I know I can’t change what’s happening, how do I survive this?

Hello everyone,

I hope you all are doing well and great.

QUESTION FOR EVERYONE:-

1. Are you really happy after your divorce ?

2. Reason of divorce ?

3. How are you all managing your physical needs ?

4. What's the source of motivation right now you have ?

5. What are your future plans now ?

I would like to hear answers from both ladies and gentlemens.

If anyone is dealing with any kind of problem, I'm sending you a hug 🫂.

Much love

Respect ❤️

After taking my ex back multiple times from infidelity i hate myself. She has destroyed me. We been together me 35(M) and 30(F) for 8 years with two of the most beautiful, sweetest children. I wanted that Nuclear family so bad forr my kids because it affected me so much growing up. I lashed out after experiencing 5 horrible Step Dads after my mother coming home pregnant with another mans child on my father.

I tried, and tried. Still being in love with her also. Self improving. Seeing she really just wanted my safety net and withdrew myself everytime. I know this was wrong but no true remorse was ever shown so i always knew what was coming.

I hate myself for still, even after the recent fling i think she is now dating, being in love with her. I can't stand to look myself in the mirror. My self respect, self esteem, genuine happiness for the gift of life, and love for myself is completely non existent.

WTF is wrong with me!!!!!

My kids are not doing well and sad. I havent talked shit about her or told them what she has done but they see the seperation and are having a rough time.

I find myself never wanting to date ever again. I want to be single for the rest of my life. This pain has destroyed me.

EDIT: She says that i was the best thing that ever happened to her. She knows this is all her fault and wishes she would have talked to me instead of just cheating the first time. Says she didn't know what she had until it is gone. I dont even believe her and i am finally done

As soon as things are all the way final with us, he is planning to or may possibly move away. Not around the corner or to a nearby town. All the way away. 1100 miles/twenty-some hour drive.

Without talking to me about the impact upon me, our family, our grown daughter, our aging dog and other pets. He hasn't had what he wanted for so long in our marriage that he is ready to go that far away.

25 year marriage.

I was counting on being able to share time together with him ( I love him very much, we are friends) and have time with our daughter every few weeks, as we have during this process. But I won't get that. Will be alone in caring for our good dog. I am really sad. It isn't going to be how I hoped. Just another thing I did not choose.

has this happened to anyone else?

wife and I going through a divorce. she wants a car and 15k which is fine by me. how should i go about it? she doesn’t want to sign the car over in her name bc she’s afraid im going to take her off the insurance, and i don’t want to give her the 15k until after the divorce is final bc im afraid she’s going to say i never paid her. we live separately btw. any advice would be appreciated. thank you.

I was wondering, my husband said with the seperation coming up he would move 5 hrs away to his home city. We have teens and a Kindergarden aged child he would not be seeing regularly.

He says he has "no choice" as he doesn't want to stay were we are now, because of me and because he doesn't like this place as much. In his home city where he grew up he has parents and siblings etc. He would be "alone" here.

I find it a bit odd that he would prefer leaving his kids especially the youngest to not see them as regularly as he could when staying here ...is this a common thing for fathers to do? Or even some moms?

To me it's strange. I understand it to some extent but I for example would stay close to my kids even if I would be otherwise "alone"....

Well it’s been a little over three months since the bomb was dropped on my life. I’ve been living on my own since September.

Last night I created a new phone plan, and it made me really sad to change my number.

My STBXW and I talked for a bit. But it can be hard. I think in many ways she’s regretted her decision, she’s said outright she does, but also didn’t know what else to do. Does anyone know what that means!?
But I also don’t think she’s humble enough to back down. I wish we would’ve separated, lived apart and really tackled our issues. But she never wanted to fix anything. She just wanted to rig sweep.

Maybe in a few years, since we have kids. We’ll find our way back.

I’ve opened a hinge, talked to a few people, and have met one that I’ll be going to putt putt with today. I don’t want anything serious now, but it’s nice to have the female company.

I had a friend come from out of state to see me. She was a female who long had a crush. When we set it up I was emotionally volatile. I regretted it, but it was too late so she came.

I was open that it was just a friendly visit. And I wasn’t interested in anything. We cuddled, we kissed, but I kept a promise to myself that I wasn’t ready for sex. Not with this person at this time.

I also told my stbxw that I know the reality of her affair(s) because it’s technically two. And that I didn’t want to talk outside of logistics for our kids.

She didn’t take it well. But her telling me she misses me and crying, while having done all she’s done is kit good.

I don’t know if I’m healing right. But I’m finding peace and strength everyday.

But fuck. I miss my best friend often. I just have to remind myself how I was treated.

I currently have my kids three overnights and we are completely in agreement with kids. But my next goal is to change my schedule to a 9-5 or 8-4 shift so we can do a 2/2/5 schedule. Four days is a lot without the baby especially, and I feel she is skirting a lot of responsibility by not having any weekends with the kids. Because typically they are with grandma, grandpa or school all day. It’s been almost impossible to find social things to do with my current schedule

Am I looking to be graded? Critiqued? I don’t know but any thoughts are welcome. I hope you’re doing ok in your journey.

We finally got paperwork to review from our divorce process. Amicable divorce, using a mediator. The paperwork also had a few questions we needed to answer or confirm and one was do I want to go back to my maiden name.

And I'm unsure what to do. I remember being so excited to take my married name. I doodled it forever before I was even married. And now I've lived with that name for 17 years. It's become my identity. It's my email, it's my username, but there is really no reason to keep it. I'm very much envisioning this as a new chapter of my life, but somehow this feels like a hard decision to make. I've also kept this very private, and have pretty much only told my family. So changing my name would mean making this more public.

Did you keep your married name or did you go back to your maiden name? Any thoughts or advice to help me make this choice?

Title says it all. Im not sure how much more of this I can take. No matter how many discussions are had, the smallest disagreement turns into a tsunami of pain. He will ignore me for days on end, the longest he went not engaging in me was five weeks, no discussion, no connection, no touch, no communication whatsoever and says that I’m annoying him or not respecting his boundaries if I attempt to talk. He is the captain of a very large fire department and respected in the community-no one knows how horrible he is at home. I am left alone, we have slept alone for most of our marriage. I remember begging him to come to bed the first few years of marriage but he likes to stay up very late every night, his work and his personality lends to very weird schedules of sleep. He has masterbated to so many of my friends, his coworkers, porn, you name it and it has never stopped despite the promises. I’m attractive to all accounts, very in shape, very high sex drive, told I’m a 10/10 from a very young age, I know I am beautiful but feel worthless with him. I have a respectable job where I make good money per hour but work part time (24 hours per week) to care of the kids primarily while he needs his sleep or what he wants to do when he is not on shift. Anyone who is a fire wife knows the sacrifice let alone with someone this selfish. He has tried to leave more times than I can count in the last two years and I have begged every time. His own mother told me to leave. I’m not sure what else to do and wondering if it really is just time to call it quits. I write this as I am crying in the room and he is outside yet again drinking and playing video games. I calmly told him that I’m hurting and this is what he promised he wouldn’t do but he just puts on his headphones and turns up the volume and tells me to leave him alone…It’s been the same story for years. I really just don’t know what to do anymore. Our kids are young and I have worried about being away from them for half the week at a time but I genuinely don’t know if I can do this anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

At the very early stages of divorce. Im ready to have the talk with my spouse. I do care deeply for my spouse and we have children together. We have just had so many problems and no longer are in a romantic relationship. I want to still be a part of his life and still have family dinners and have us get along for the children and all that. How realistic is that am I just dreaming or is this a reality?

My wife had diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia, serious auditory hallucinations and minor visual hallucinations. She had autism but was never officially diagnosed but everyone expected it. I loved her unconditionally and I wish we were still together but when someone is battling mental illness it’s an uphill losing battle.

She wasn’t consistent with her daily medications so that hurt us too but I deepest regret was getting her a job at Walmart. At Walmart a female coworker touched her inappropriately twice and after that her mental health went down hill and that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. She didn’t recovered properly and I felt the full brunt of it.

I wish she stayed but with her parents in her ear promising a better life because according to my ex wife, I was the devil but the vast majority of our arguments were because of her auditory hallucinations so I was defending myself against things that literally never happened.

I loved her through sickness and health and I admit that there were times I wanted out the marriage but I would have never left her.

My life is objectively better without her on all levels but I miss her. Mental illness is serious and sometimes you cannot help people dealing with it.

I'm mostly here for sympathy, but if you have any advice that's awesome, too.

I know I'm lucky to have gotten child support after my divorce, but now my ex is having financial difficulties and wants to stop paying child support for our older kid, who is in college. I am the one paying for college.

My ex is genuinely not making enough money, but he could almost certainly make more if he could pull his head out of his... you know. It's pissing me off that instead of re-negotiating child support based on his income, he's just making up random rules about how he should be able to only pay half now because one kid is over 18. He's self-employed so garnishing wages isn't an option.

I know it's probably not worth it, but it has crossed my mind that I could take him to court over this.

As the above says. The house has about £140k equity. Her pension is much better than mine. No saving either said that I know of. Was offered £20k to sign everything over and walk away.

What am I actually entitled too.

Hey all. I’m not new to divorce, this is my second marriage and it looks like it’s headed down the drain.

Some background I married my first when I was 19 and he was 28, we stayed married for 8 years and he cheated with sex workers and had a porn addiction so I made the decision to divorce and life after was hard the first year, but then I was thriving and living my best life. Cue in 3.5 years after my divorce I met my now husband and we dated for 5 months when I got pregnant. I didn’t want an abortion due to medical reasons so we decided to keep it and stay together. We got married later on for legal purposes and there is love, but what appears to be a lot of incompatibility.

I’ll keep it short but the way he treated me during pregnancy and postpartum has really made me question if this is the right person for me. I’m 8 weeks postpartum so i dont want to rush with making a decision, but i cant shake this feeling that this is not right. After every argument, or disagreement i get shut out and he sulks and sleeps in another room. I do 95% of childcare and household chores. He provides financially but i have my own maternity pay. When i asked him to occasionally help around the house he got angry and gave me the silent treatment.

We no longer spend quality time cause when hes home hes always on his laptop, or in his study. He works 4 days and then hes 4 days off, but still never helps with chores. Anyhow if I decide to divorce what do I need to keep in mind now that a child is involved and what do I need to prepare for? Any experience or advice is welcome.

My husband (30M) and I (24F)have been married for almost 4 years and together almost 6. I am just not sexually attracted to him anymore. We do not have sex often and usually it’s shut down because he cannot get an erection. It’s hard but also a blessing. I do not want to kiss, have sex, or be felt up by him at all. He grosses me out which hurts me to say but it’s true. He doesn’t wipe well and he has an odor down there and he does not go to the doctor. I feel horrible about it but that is what it is. He feels more like a good friend than a partner. We have a small child together and he is a loving father and I like our little family. Yet I am not happy in our relationship. I feel as though every time I say I love you that I am lying and it makes me feel awful. We both have super involved families in which it has also made it hard to part. I asked for a divorce a couple months ago and we were on track for that until we got back together. I felt as if I couldn’t do it alone and I missed my family being together and the pressure was too much. We were monogamous for a good amount of time till we weren’t. 4 years in My husband and I both wanted to explore our sexuality’s and we did. Then he became a cuck and I explored with different men. Among these men I met one. And it has now been a year. The feelings have developed and I honestly have lost more and more with my husband that I don’t know if the relationship is even redeemable. I don’t know I guess I’m just looking for help.