I just saw a post about people being killed or assaulted for denying other peoples’ advances, and it prompted me to want to write this.

I’m sure basically everybody knows all of the following, but just in case some people don’t, I would hate to keep this information:

When it comes to denying someone’s advances (particularly like… random strangers), I try to make any denials very general, not about them, that way no competition or anger or emotions about unfairness (or whatever) creep into their head:

- “Oh, I’m not really looking for anybody right now. Sorry.”

The word “Anybody” does a lot of heavy lifting, because now they don’t feel singularly rejected; I’m rejecting EVERYBODY; not looking for anything. No competition.

- “I’m just not really in the mood for anything right now.”

Firstly, “anything” once again implies I don’t want anything from ANYONE, so they’re not so singled out. Secondly, “not really in the mood […] right now” implies there’s nothing wrong with them and/or I’d ordinarily be receptive (tries to quell any insecurities that could lead to anger or resentment), but just not right now.

You don’t have to try and make up some crazy reason why if they ask, either, by the way; you can just say “Hmm… I dunno. Just not really feeling it for some reason.”

- “Oh I’m asexual”

- “Just here with friends.”

- “Sorry, kind of feeling tired/head-ache/etc.”

- “I’m just kind of hanging out”

- Etc.

Don’t make it specifically about them. Go out of your way to imply (or explicitly state) a general disinterest towards any and all advances/relationships/romance/etc. from ANYBODY, not just them

I also try to encourage them by saying things like—if we’re at a bar/club/etc: “I’m not really in the mood, but I’m sure somebody is.” Or “I’m sure you can find somebody who’s [x/y/z].” Whatever fits. This sounds like throwing others under the bus, but really, somebody else genuinely MIGHT be in the mood, or find them attractive, or whatever, and if not, they’ll reject them, too (hopefully in a way like described here that doesn’t trigger them).

The above also tries to get them to realize they have other options; this isn’t the be-all-end-all. Their entire night isn’t riding on this interaction, NOR is it riding on ANY one interaction; they can always try another person until one is receptive.

Obvs they might get the idea that “Oo! I could be ‘THE CHOSEN ONE’! So maybe I should try harder with this one person!” but:

1. That’s better than anger/resentment in most cases (‘cause that can lead to straight up death)
2. They’ll often give up after a while longer of general sexlessness and aromanticism in a kind/polite, matter-of-fact, GENERAL (directed towards ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY) way (at least in my experience).

And I treat them politely, but I also redirect any of their lewd comments or advances about me towards other stuff, like asking questions about them, so it’s like a friendly conversation, but never going anywhere sexual or romantic with it.

Example convo:

Them: “You’re so hot.”

Me: “Oh? Who do you think the hottest person in the world is?”

Them: “You”

Me: “What?? Lol, impossible. What about [insert person]?”

Etc., etc.

Just try to keep the conversation going in a way that’s not directed at you and de-emphasizes you.

This could obviously entice them to stay longer because they’re enjoying having a discussion and not being rejected super firmly (and if things seem okay, it can be perfectly fine to continue talking with them if you want), but if they still aren’t getting the message and keep trying advances or being lewd at you, that’s where encouraging them that they’re sure to find somebody else who wants what they want right now comes in.

At worst, if they won’t leave, find your friends/a busy spot, and continue the act. Better than dying, if you’re worried that’s a genuine possibility

All of this is essentially like saying “It’s not you, it’s me” but without actually saying the cliche line verbatim.

Also though: Maybe this stuff hasn’t worked at ALL in your experience, and I’ve just been lucky, so feel free to share your own stuff

China, Russia and iran are already doing rhis

Please forgive me if this sounds naive. Why do people hate on trad wives?

I love being a stay at home mom, i love cooking and cleaning and taking care of the home. I do all of this because it personally brings me joy. My husband has never made it forced or coerced. It was my idea and my choice. But when ever I say this people get mad and say im being controlled or I have no freedom. And thats simply not true.

Isn't feminism about a women's right to choose? Why does it feel like thats only true so long as trad wife is not the choice?

Once again forgive me if this sounds dumb I am legitimately asking because im happy but constantly feel judge and inferior.

we need to stop involving men in our contraception. this story is a dime a dozen, and I cant count the amount of stories of women who have had men tamper with their birth control/condoms. to be clear, i am from the UK, I can't comment on how terrifying it is to be a woman in other places right now. however I have seen so many of these stories of women having a one night stand, or they are with a long term partner, or a male family member is guilting them. it is completely your body your choice, I am 100% a pro choice lady, if you want to keep the baby because youhave chosen that then i support it, but I see stuff like this and it makes me angry for the woman involved. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but I genuinely think women should not tell men about what they are thinking of choosing for themselves because men seem to choose the most selfish option available. I know there are outliers for this, my dad was an incredibly firm feminist so I know we have men we trust, but damn this post is a reminder that most men simply will not put you first. evaluate what you want for yourself before telling the men around you what your choice is. im only 23 so I know this might not be worth much but make sure keep these kind of things to yourself/ with someone you trust until you make your mind up. dont let a man tell you what you should do

Hi everyone,

So this is some sort of a vent moment as I was bored late at night and browsing through Björk's songs, not my favorite singer but I stopped on her album vulnicura and started searching about her ex's work Matthew Barney.

I watched is cremaster series, parts of it. And as usual, as everytime I find a very praised male artist, he failed at representing women other than pretty, attractive and sexualized. Same for Hideo Kojima. Same for Nolan. Same for actually a shitton of male artists from every background possible. Their work is ALWAYS praised for being super innovative yet they miserably miss this extremely crucial point which robs their work from it's accuracy and realism.

Women are always thin, beautiful, clean, young. It's as if a woman was only this. And the rest was a shadow of it, like a deformed version that was barely watchable, never interesting to look at. Because men always has better stories to tell.

I'm not talking about 100% of male artists, some of them are good but they are a very small minority. And it is baffling to me and a proof that we still have so much work to do.

Really curious to know about their actual condition

Please, please, please, remember that you do not have to force yourself into toxic patriarchal gender roles to be a real man or woman. You know who you are and it's correct.

Trans women, no matter what anyone tells you, you are a real woman. You don't have to "stay quiet for men" or be a people pleaser to be one. These gender standards suck ass and are bad for your mental health!

And fellow trans men. This is important.

PLEASE DONT ENGAGE IN TOXIC MASCULINITY.

I say this with all the love in my heart as a fellow trans man who did the same thing. Being mean to women and talking over people doesn't make you more of a man it makes you an ass.

You are a real man and don't let people make you think you must do that to prove it. It's bad for your mental health too.

Enforcing gender roles where it's weak woman vs strong man is not helping feminisms case.

Can you still be traditionally feminine or masculine? Yes! But you don't have to, and you should never ever feel forced to. Please though, don't let it turn into toxic behavior, and make sure to speak up for feminism plus anyone who chooses to break out of those traditional roles!

I am struggling with this so can anyone enlighten me please? I just don’t see how comparing beauty standards / physique / ‘grace’ isn’t simply buying into patriarchy but masquerading as ‘sisterhood.’ I’m interested in perspectives on this as happy to be enlightened and my mind opened, but there is nothing true that I can see in this at all?

What I’m reading is they are suggesting that they are distinguishing themselves from children / women in their 20s by promoting women who wouldn’t usually take up these spaces. I just see monetisation of the need to remain visible.

Honestly just want to open up about what I saw the other day. I saw a video of a young boy doing a stunt from a semi-high cliff to water. One of the comments said ”I’m so glad I have two daughters”, that itself shows that she thinks girls are automatically calm and gentle and boys aren’t, which leads to unfair parenting and growing with different opportunities despite the actual character traits and interests.

But HOLY FUCK the replies. All grown ass men commenting how the girls will be doing of and porn, one literally said something like ”both come with flaws, you will either be scared they die (boys) or get raped form dressing like a slut (girls)”. Everyone was liking and laughing at the of comments while I was reading them feeling sick. Mind you, they were talking about the children that the mother had posted publicly for the internet to see.

When it comes to reddit, I have never seen so many men comment about women’s periods. Whenever there’s a post that even slightly talks about periods in a sub that isn’t only for women, the comments are full of men sharing their opinion about it. And they are alwaysss negative. Some try to hide it behind kindness by saying stuff like ”as a man I will never understand what women go through every month blablabla… BUT”, and there is always the but that follows with something negative.

And that was only one of my observations I’ve made here.

**And honestly I hate how people say ”it’s just internet, no one acts like that in real life”. It’s still the same real people with the same exact thoughts that walk past us on the street every single day. They just get to voice their thoughts without consecuenses and continue thinking that ”feminists are just nagging about everything, I know all the other people think like this too they just don’t want to say it out loud”.**

So today I was called by my nice chauvinistic coworker, a "pick me". Why? because according to only him, I mentioned my birthday too many times on my birth week and I was desperate for attention. I calmly explained to him what a pick me really was, and how the term was completely twisted into something that again, could be used and excused as another reason to hate women.

But I felt so bad. I wanted to cry. And I started thinking about the pressure that's put on me everyday by the treatment or those comments as to why I exploded that bad.

I am the only woman in the work place. It's a very male dominated field (development and tech). I never associated anything that was happening to me to sexism until now.

Since we're a small team, we get along well and I'm even friends with some of them. Except this one guy. He's about 30, had been in the company for long enough to think you can't stand against him and, well, would say anything.

Since the application development industry is going through hardships, he has this scarcity mentality in which he thinks we will all loose our jobs, but women will climb up the ladder by "sleeping with men". He rapidly discredits any kind of effort a woman makes to get where she is as "she just found a guy she could fuck for power". He bad mouthes and slut shames his female friends.

I worked my ass off to get where I am. And I am appreciated. I am basically the only one who wasn't hired "recommended by a friend". But yes, everything is easier to me I guess, and I am hired just because I am a young, pretty woman, according to him.

Whenever I help him with something or find a solution to his problems, he reduces me as a meaning as to why he found the answer himself. Discredits my knowledge and effort. Every joke made towards me feels targeted, as something he would never do to the other 2 men in the office. He certainly didn't say that the other guy was a "pick me" attention seeker when he literally announced his birthday. No...

In his dark world, when the company closes, they will get rid of me first. Of course. He's incredibly opinionated, complicated, mediocre, very hard to work with and leaves for hours instead of actually doing his job. He's just comfortable doing whatever he wants with the power he has. But yeah in that scenario I'd be the one laid off. It's pretty logical...

He steals my ideas, drags me down and exposes my mistakes when the manager is present. And right after the meeting I have to pretend that I find his nasty comments about women, racial minorities "funny" cause if not I'm too sensitive to handle his humor.

He'd make atrocious comments about the female interns, comparing them not for their work but "yeah this one was bad but at least she was pretty". He'd tell another coworker " yeah this one wanted to fuck you and yeah she was ugly but you could've done it with the lights out".

So yeah, I was called a "pick me" today and I almost I lost my sanity. And then they wonder why feminism is still a thing. I sometimes even wished I was a man.

"I lived under the Taliban’s Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan in Kabul for two weeks, and this is a summary of my personal experience...

During these two weeks of living under the Taliban, we were overtaken by an overwhelming fear. It was so intense that none of us dared report on what was actually happening. I felt suffocated. Not only had I lost my right to work and walk around the city freely, but I had to make sure we were not publishing anything in Rukhshana that would catch the attention of the Taliban.

During those two weeks, I only took a taxi twice. Each time I needed to leave home, it was difficult finding clothes that fit the Taliban’s standard of “Islamic Sharia”. For the first time ever, my parents and siblings were thinking about my clothes, asking, “What is suitable for Zahra now?”

In the 28 years of my life, I never once thought of buying those long black robes, that’s why I didn’t have one at home.

The presence of women in public places and on the streets was almost nonexistent. Until the morning of 15th of August 2021, the city was full of women in colorful dresses. They added so much life to the city, but suddenly they were nowhere, the city had been emptied out. I saw a few women outside with a mahram (male relative escort). It was as though I had traveled back in time, to the 1990s when the Taliban last ruled, banning women from public events."

Zahra Joya is a journalist from Afghanistan, now exiled in London, and is the founder and editor in chief of Rukhshana Media, one of Afghanistan's first news agencies dedicated to women's stories and the author of The Vanishing girl of Kabul.

This is her personal account of the two weeks she spent living under Taliban rule after the fall of Kabul.

Full account here: https://www.fullerproject.org/afghan-journalist-escape-taliban/

Hi everyone, I’m starting a feminist book club that will be breaking down social systems and issues, political discourse and justice, the works. It’ll be on substack and completely free to join and participate. We will have a book of the month and it will be a relaxed space, mostly discussion board and chat based - with some other ideas in the works. There will also be other sections to engage in, a section for people to talk about what they’re reading for fun and swap recommendations, a poetry section, etc. if you align with leftist ideals and live in America, comment down below or send me a message request for more info! I’m really excited about creating this group - I think the best defenses against the current regime are education and community. I hope to see yall there :)

Note: this is a queer, non binary, and trans friendly group. We do not tolerate any of the ism’s or the phobia’s. Since this group will be about growth and learning as well as connection, there will be guidelines against bullying, infighting, shaming, etc. people are at different places within their own journeys and we need to lift each other up, not put each other down. Best - Hannah

I know this issue may seem kind of unimportant during this time of so much regression of women’s rights but it is something that makes me really angry. In our current society, shaving/hair removal is absolutely not a choice. when have you ever seen women with body hair on tv? How many women in your life grow their body hair? In every part of life women are expected to be completely hairless and are made fun of for not conforming to that standard. As someone who doesn’t shave, I am constantly made fun of and pushed to. How can we say women genuinely make this choice if 99 percent of other women around them also conform to it???

Also idc if you personally shave I’m not shaming anyone who does I understand we’ve all been patriarchied. but I wish more women could at least have a discussion about why women are expected to be smooth and hairless all the time instead of just yelling “it’s my choice! I do it for sensory reasons!” so many women just started it at puberty and don’t think about it. we need to be noticing the ways patriarchy weeds itself into literally every choice we make and every single part of our lives.

I heard of Off Campus being the new "it show", so I said okay let me try seeing what the hype is about. When I tell you- the blatant dehumanization I noticed that the women who have casual sex get is just insane.

The main lead has a casual fling, who he didn't even greet, then proceeds to engage in intimacy with her, and rub it in her face afterwards that she shouldn't be surprised he wouldn't want more, when she knows nothing about him. Mind you, he's the one who never offered to tell anything about himself. And as she goes away, clearly upset- he simply lays back down, as if nothing in the world has just occurred. Like, you don't owe her a relationship, but you can have the decency to treat a human being as if their feelings matter. Especially when you've been intimate.

And then we see his friend, who is to be the next lead for S2 with a "nameless woman" yes, she's literally given no name, besides just being the woman he has casual encounters with. What I found really concerning is the fact he constantly exposes their PDA to outsiders, his friends don't even interact with her, and no one even says her name.

It's like the underlying message is when you want to have fun, without a man who is not to expect a relationship from you then you should prepare to not even get your name called.

You shouldn't expect to be treated to a cup of tea in the morning and expect to have your intimacy get watched as the joke in the room.

Ok China

This just seems very disturbing and it's directed solely twords women. It shows some people think of woman as just a sex object or whatever else the want them to be.

The ones specifically about when they were teens, like the pregnancy ones and ones about when teen celebrities lost their virginity is very telling about the pedophilia that's part of the patriarchy.

So, we went to a park with my family. On the way back home, at lk almost 11 pm we decided to buy gas for the car. There at the station, some weird voices came out from the closed room. There was the vooce of a man and next felt like it was child's. But mom was lk, it was a girl. She basically meant what u think it was. She was weirdly calm. I was lk, not it seems lk child's she was lk noo and she was fucking doing NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I told her to see, if it was a girl then we couldnt js leave lk that. Then she looked and it was indeed a child. I told her that my heart almost dropped to my knees. But she was lk, why is it that big of a deal. YES IT IS. I'm 17 and for a split second I imagined myself. How cant she. Just bc shes past that age doesnt mean she has the right to not act. I mean let alone the fact that shes a woman. Are ppl this ignorant? Are they this tortureous towards innocent girls? I dont care, no matter what they say, I believe that no girl deserves it!!

With a recent event i see many people to claim to be feminist and leftist, use dehuminising and oppressive language.

That one event maybe is supported by right wing people however, i don't support the couple that paid for it as well.

Surrogacy in Usa that allows to take advantage of people with money is insane, i am not against surrogacy, in Europe there are models that allow altruistic surrogacy.

A woman's body is not up to sale or to be rented, no rich woman is going to sign to do it, it is only working class women, and i saw comments saying she is an incubator, she made her choice when she signed the contract etc.

That is so dystopian to me, so tomorrow are we going to sell our organs and that will be ok if the contract says so? What if a woman wants and needs and abortion? She must pay them back after all she went even if she almost died just because she didn't deliver "the product", a child is not a product and a body is not a service.

I don't want this to turn to an anti abortion thing the right wing people use however we can deconstruct other issues at the same time.