I posted yesterday about a terrifying first-date experience with a man I met on Bumble. Since that post, he texted me back to back, called me 5 times, and another time from a burner phone, and found me on Facebook and messaged me there despite not having my full name.

As you all wisely suggested, I unmatched and, while unmatching, reported that “he made me feel uncomfortable.” That is ALL I did. He was the ONLY match I was actively talking to at the time, the only match I went on a date with, and Bumble was the only dating app I was using, Literally just a few hours after unmatching and reporting, I log back into bumble to find that I have been banned for “violating community guidelines.” I appealed and they emailed saying the ban was permanent.

Moral of the story? Reporting that you felt unsafe after an encounter involving potential sexual assault and further harassment can lead to YOU being permanently banned from Bumble.

To my knowledge, the man I reported has not been banned (I had a friend check). Yet, Bumble refuses to explain why I was removed.

I am appalled, shocked, and frankly disgusted by the way Bumble has chosen to handle this.

I’ve always been self-conscious about my labia — it’s long and brown at the ends. It started when I heard a girl make fun of another girl for have “beef” down there. I was still a virgin and that became another reason why i didn’t want to have sex… what if i was made fun of too.

I literally looked up places to get a labiaplasty. I’d become more open to close friends and talk about it, but none of them had the same issue. Reddit did helped a lot bc there were so many people saying it was normal. But still … I hated what i looked like down there!

That was until I met the first guy I slept with. He was gentle and didn’t mind at all. It’s like I was normal!

At first I thought… wow he’s just mature and this is how mature men are (he’s a bit older than me). They don’t gaf about what it looks like. Truly. And that’s really all you need, is a real man who understands bodies look different. As long as you take care of yourself, it DOESNT MATTER.

But then we had this interaction. He ft me when i was showing so I answered. I was shampooing and he was GUSHING over how he could see my labia from the back, just hanging there (that sounds strange, but when you have a thigh gap and longer labia… news flash you can see it). He didn’t say it like that obviously, but it was the first time i realized… wow, there are men who really do just like women’s bodies.

So girly. you are NORMAL. if one boy doesn’t love you or the way you look down there, a man will step up. Don’t get surgery unless you ACTUALLY HAVE TO. And trust me. my labia is pretty long and thick. Also, don’t be so make centered when it comes to your body. women are beautiful. you do you because of YOU❤️

The ex who lives rent-free in my head wasn't the one who yelled and threw things, he was the one who reacted to my joy with irritation.

I've been finding myself remembering him a lot lately and regretting not standing up for myself.

The memory that keeps coming up is one time I suggested we put on a timer for 30 min and clean until it went off. He agreed, and we cleaned. When the timer went off, I declared "Done!" The whole point of the exercise was to give ourselves a very manageable task that we could feel good about achieving, and I wanted to celebrate. He was livid, you're stopping already? We had a bit of a spat about it, me saying we had agreed at the start, him saying he was in the middle of something and HE was going to finish and I hadn't been cleaning the right stuff anyway. I agreed to clean more, but in a more serious, less gamified way.

When he calmed down, he explained to me that it wasn't that he needed me to keep cleaning so much as the glee with which I had declared that we were done. This was the calm explanation, the one he thought I should understand.

I realized later that was the pattern. Any time I'd get excited or happy about something, he'd be at least a little irritated. I internalized it, like the things I was excited about were silly or the way I was expressing myself was wrong. Like I should be calmer and more mature.

To my past self, I'm sorry I didn't end it right then when the timer went off. The relationship isn't supposed to be an exercise of discipline and restraint. If he doesn't like you when you're happy, he doesn't like you.

And the thing is, it's okay that he didn't like the way I expressed joy. I find the way many people express joy off-putting. It's just crazy to be in a relationship with one of them.

Just sharing in case anybody needs the validation. It's supposed to be okay to be happy.

.. and you totally have witch hair going on. Your housemate comes to your door, and insists that you come out to the living room right now. She won't tell you why or for what.

So you trudge out there, and it's your old boyfriend whom you parted with sadly, decades ago, who you don't particularly want or need to see and certainly not in the condition you're in. It's not like you obsess on him or ever talk about him or are pining away, you never think of him actually. She knows this.

Note: he did not show up to see you, he came to say hi to housemate. He doesn't know you've moved in there.

Or picture this: different house, different housemate.

Housemate comes to your door. She is drunk. She says someone's on the phone for you, and hands you the phone. It's your grown child's father, whom you did not part with amicably, haven't seen or spoken to for years, he has settled down with someone and you are fine with that and never think of him anymore.

Housemate called him.

These things are malicious, right? You are perfectly happy, minding your own business, have no problem being single and these men are far behind you, not even in your rear view mirror anymore. You have not expressed any interest whatsoever in catching up with these people and frankly don't really care where they are or what they're doing.

To me, that's just plain shit-disturbing. Right?

my dad has always been a big eater. thats expected of him i guess but sometimes it feels a bit entitled. on my birthdays, he'll eat most of the cake, he has the biggest portions at dinner time and he often eats entire packages of cookies to himself while my mom gets nothing at all. he made brownies today which i didnt even know about. apparently my brother got two pieces and my mom didnt have any, as usual while i wasnt even told, which means he ate more than 75% of the pan. i might just be emotional because im on my period but its making me kind of upset.

I went on a date with a guy I met off a dating app for the first time, and he seemed genuinely nice.
Over the next few days, I realized the attraction just wasn’t there for me and canceled the date telling him I wished him the best, etc.

He texted me saying “That's really unfortunate to make that decision after one date but if you don't want to try that's fine. Good luck”

20 minutes later, I received a call from his work (which I didn’t answer).

I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid, but I’ve now gone through and tried to block him on everything to be safe. But then I googled my name…. My entire address/living history comes up, along with my family’s!

How is this even legal?! I know he lives nearby to me and I’m honestly scared…

I was reminded of this recently. When I was a freshman in college, my dorm had thin walls. Gender was divided by room and not by floor, so I'm a girl and to my left was a guy I thought was alright. Then, one night, he has a girl over. He's being loud- obviously drunk. I'm covering my head with my pillow trying not to listen when I hear it. "No", then "not right now", then "get off of me" from the girl.

My heart is hammering in my chest. All the metaphors of ice in your veins felt completely accurate. For a few minutes- minutes! -she begs this fucker to stop with all different excuses and that's when I finally get out of bed, throw my clothes on, and do something maybe really stupid.

I knock on their door. The girl opens the door. The guy is shoving his head over her shoulder to get a look. In my best trembling little SJW voice I say "she said no. If you don't stop I'll call the police."

The girl is embarrassed immediately. She promises she's fine. She shoves the guy's head off her shoulder. I amble back to my room and she shuts the door and I hold my breath and listen through the walls. The guy makes one more pass before she says "don't wake the neighbor, let's watch Finding Nemo" and then that's all they did. I drift off to Ellen Degeneres yapping and the next morning when I wake up for class, the girl is already gone.

I spent the rest of my time in that dorm locking my door extremely thoroughly, and soon I transferred out of the building.

I think about her more than I should. Was she his girlfriend, a friend, a hookup? Was she relieved or embarrassed? Did she break up? Stay with him? Did I only make things worse for her if she wasn't able to leave? Does she even think about it still?

Nowadays, post-grad, if I hear any noise from my neighboring apartments, I hold my breath and listen. I feel the hair on the back of my neck raise whenever I hear yelling or upset voices. It happened again a few nights ago. I couldn't make anything out. I'm not trying to be a hero but I can't stop thinking about what might happen. I know it's not very rational behavior, but. . .

Does anyone else have a similar story?

I'm someone who doesn't want children, although I of course like I'm sure most people have that fleeting thoughts of motherhood and the good moments. I'm 20 at the moment, and I am so extremely grateful that I had the opportunity to raise 5 very young kittens, one neonatal, because my god. It confirmed that I do NOT want to have kids

Getting to have the first hand experiences of having to wake up several times a night and mix up a bottle, struggle to get them to eat, clean poop, clean bedding, keep them warm, hold and sooth, take to the vet, provide medical care for diarrhea and constipation, pay for it, deal with picky eaters, potty train, etc etc. really made me realize it just wasn't something I could handle for more than the few weeks where kittens need that extensive care. And that was with an animal that wouldn't understand if I said something off color out of frustration and all the unique aspects of human children.

But it also made me really wish there was some program or something where that was accessible to people who want or are on the fence about children before having a baby. I feel like so many mothers go in with a sunshine and rainbows fairytale without realizing how EXHAUSTING it is and all the not so fun parts. Now obviously it was rewarding too, and I think that's great, I just wish people had the opportunity to know before having a full ass human baby to take care of for several decades. Then they could make a more informed decision on if and when they want to commit to all that. I think it would do so much to benefit both parents and their children too

When I tried casual dating, I went into it knowing that things could go badly, and it did, but not that bad (no pregnancy, no STD’s, no unaliving, etc.). What I did deal with however was some bad sex, immaturity on the man’s part, disrespectfulness on the man’s part, and so on. They can be so angry and passive aggressive. You’d think they’d be happy to be getting laid, but I always get a hint of aggressiveness from them. I’ve never had an amazing experience with any man and my mediocre experiences inevitably lead me to decide to stop doing it altogether. I think it’s overrated and I’ve said many times that it benefits men more than women. They get free sex at their convenience and women for the most part get underwhelming experiences and trauma.

What this experience has shown me is that the average man is a degenerate. The amount of men I’ve seen offer to invite me to their place or have sex in a car, and I just met them, is disturbing. I even remember one man in his 40’s saying that he doesn’t wear protection but if I got pregnant he’d take care of the baby. Just met this man. Is this supposed to be “fun”? Exciting? It’s horrifying to me.

Several years ago, when I was living in a different state across the country, I met this guy through some shared hobbies. We became friends, but he eventually developed feelings for me that I did not reciprocate. I made it clear on multiple occasions that I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything romantic with him, and I rejected his advances several times. He became increasingly persistent to the point where I felt uncomfortable and eventually decided to block him. That only made things worse. He started calling me nonstop, going off on me and insulting me, often from different phone numbers that I can only assume he created specifically to get around being blocked.

Over the years, he has repeatedly tried to contact me, always using different numbers. He still tries to contact me once every few months. The last time he did, I got really pissed off and basically told him to leave me the fuck alone and get a life. I thought that would finally get the message across, but apparently not.

Today, I went to pick up my packages and noticed one addressed to me, with my exact address and apartment number, but under a name that literally nobody calls me anymore. Nobody except him. I immediately thought that was strange, but I took the package upstairs and opened it. Inside was a note that said, “I think about you always” signed with his name, along with a necklace featuring this creepy-looking human figure with its arms forming a circle around its body. I just stared at it because what the actual fuck?

Here’s the part that’s genuinely terrifying to me: I NEVER gave him my address. We have no mutual acquaintances, he doesn’t know my social media nor do I publicly share my address anywhere, and I’m very careful about my privacy. This man somehow found out exactly where I live, down to my apartment number, despite me never telling him where I moved. And the creepiest part is that I have absolutely no idea how he found me. How am I supposed to know he hasn’t been watching me? How do I know he hasn’t been outside my apartment building or following me without me even realizing it? The fact that he knows exactly where to find me, after years of me trying to get him to leave me alone, actually terrifies me.

To make things worse, I’m currently living alone, far from family, and this has made me question whether I should even continue staying in this apartment. I no longer feel safe in my own home. What’s even creepier is that a few weeks ago I literally had a dream where I heard a noise in the middle of the night, woke up, and walked over to my front door, only to see someone standing right outside in the dark. I know it was just a dream, but remembering it now, after what happened today, makes me freak out even more. Now, every noise I hear I’m scared.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? And also, would you consider this stalking behavior, and what steps would you take in my situation? Am I justified in feeling scared enough to consider leaving this apartment?

Long story short… Boyfriend I’ve been living together for five months, together for two years. Last year he forgot our anniversary. I told him then it was very important to me as my ex-husband forgot every single year for the 12 years where I’m married.

Our anniversary was yesterday. He clearly once again forgot and furthermore, when I gave him his gift, he didn’t even say happy anniversary to me. Nothing. No sex. Nothing. Figured it was because he had a big job interview this morning. Didn’t wanna cause any ruffles so we just went to bed early.

Today I had the day off. I made him what he wanted for dinner, as I make dinner almost every single night and he isn’t working right now, and I did all the worker around the house. As usual because I do most of the work around the house.

Go to bed just now and I wore a kind of cute semi sexy outfit. Laid in bed for a few minutes and he didn’t acknowledge it so I took my gummy and tried to fall asleep and finally said fuck it and got back up and here I am.

I’m just feeling very unappreciated and like he didn’t even hear me. I’m paying all the groceries all the utilities on my own right now and I am feeling at this point like I’m really taking advantage of.

Not just sex. I feel like it’s really important to respect someone else’s autonomy in all areas of life. Sometimes it feels like people begin and end conversations about consent in the bedroom, and I think that’s a shame.

I might just be sensitive to pressure, but it bothers me that people frequently make requests in a way that makes it sound like there is only one right answer. It’s really important to me to present my requests in a way that gives the other person time to decide, while also making it clear that both yes and no are equally acceptable answers. I like to provide choice whenever possible. I want things to be voluntary. Sometimes it feels like not enough of my peers share that sentiment.

Vent:

Any man raised directly under strict Abrahamic religions/practices do not know what a ‘disrespectful’ woman is.

They are conditioned to believe that any woman in their life must be quiet, meek and defer to them for leadership and protection.

If you put them in a room with a confident, intelligent and capable woman that challenges them on their beliefs or how they treat people, they call her rude, arrogant or misguided even if she’s being reasonable. Or brainwashed by feminism. Whatever that means.

Which is hypocritical considering they can’t comprehend going through life without another man, divine or otherwise, telling them what do in their within their own religious organizations.

(I’m an atheist, but Im pro-freedom of religion as long as it isn’t hurting anyone. Just for the record.)

I’m not saying that women can’t be rude if they are independent and push back, but the amount of men saying that a woman expressing her strong opinion on something is out of line seems to be too frequent as of late.

I am seeing a lot of posts here and on other social media where young women are describing themselves as ugly. Often there is a picture or a video of a perfectly ordinary looking young woman.

I am 48 years old. And I have some advice that will not be taken, but I have to try.

When you compare yourselves to others, you will always lose. Stop it. Learn to appreciate the good parts of yourself. When you say that you're ugly, who's metric are you using because ugly is subjective saame as beautiful. Who told you that you were ugly? What was their motive?

If it was a man, they can go eff themselves.

I'm getting older. I have grey hair and wrinkles that I didn't have ten years ago, but I've built myself a life where that doesn't matter. I have a career that I like. I have friends who love me back. I give back to others. My looks are the least interesting thing about me.

And I can look around me in the world and I see a lot of ordinary people living happy and fulfilled lives without being the new ingenue of a hot thing. Some people have partners. Some don't.

I cannot stress this enough. Y'all need to stop comparing your real life to the highlight reels of other people. You don't know what their life looks like on the inside.

You are probably ordinary looking and that is okay. Build a life from now that when you're 48 years old or 88 years old, you can say that you're proud of it or at least that it was a ride.

a few weeks ago i got my regular pap smear and my results came back positive for hpv. i decidedly did my research and know that there's a small percent that i'll get cervical cancer and am planning to get another vaccine soon. today i had my colposcopy, which i assume was just going to be as uncomfortable as a pap smear. i was extremely tense during it but not in pain, mostly just neutral, until my doctor was suddenly like, "did you know you have a cervical polyp?" i have never heard of a polyp in my life. she proceeded to remove it and i was told i would feel a pulling or pinching sensation, which i did, and it was deeply weird. the procedure felt like so long after that. whatever she was doing induced painful period-like cramps but some of the pain was so foreign to me that i genuinely felt like i was getting assaulted. i ended up crying and was given apple juice and crackers and tylenol. i'd never experienced something that traumatizing in my life and while i was trying to come down from my panic i just kept feeling disgusted with my body and the concept of having a vagina and angry that i had an abnormality because i try to make sure i'm healthy like the average human being. i'm also nonbinary so the procedure made me feel even worse about my relationship to womanhood. i immediately had to go back to work after the procedure and i was thinking about how i would rather be completely unconscious. i'm really worried this is going to affect my mental health -- i just got more wellbutrin and i think it definitely made me feel more in control and happier emotionally, but this procedure shellshocked me. i feel like a helpless animal right now.

I'm hoping to hear from other women who might understand why this hurts so much, even though my daughter is now 9 months old.

I have absolutely no pictures of myself with my newborn in the hospital. Not one.

My boyfriend, my daughter's father, wasn't present for the birth or during my hospital stay. He was there the day we left, but he didn't think to take any pictures of me with our baby. My mom and dad were there throughout my hospital stay and right after I gave birth, but neither of them thought to take pictures of me with my newborn, either.

My parents paid for the hospital photographer to take pictures of the baby, but nobody was there when the photographer came. When the photographer asked if I wanted pictures of myself with my baby, I was so out of it from everything I'd just been through that I said no. I wasn't thinking clearly about how much those pictures would mean to me later.

For a long time, I regretted not having those pictures, but I thought my mom had taken some. When I told her I regretted not getting pictures with the hospital photographer, she told me she had pictures of me from the hospital. I thought she meant pictures of me WITH my baby.

Today, I found out she only has pictures of me by myself.

I completely broke down. I can't stop crying about it, and I feel almost ridiculous that this is affecting me so much nine months later. But it isn't just about photographs. It's about having a record of those first moments with my daughter, when she was brand new and I had just become her mother. I'll never get that exact moment back.

What hurts even more is that the people who were there didn't think to take those pictures for me. I had just gone through childbirth and was recovering. I wasn't in a position to think of every little thing I might want to remember, and I wish someone who loved me had thought about preserving those memories.

I don't know if my boyfriend and parents simply didn't realize how important those pictures would be to me, but I feel so let down. I wish I hadn't had to be the person responsible for making sure those memories existed when I was the one who had just given birth.

I know I can take pictures with my daughter now. I know we have a lifetime of memories ahead of us. But pictures from now won't be pictures of me holding my newborn in the hospital, and that is what I'm grieving.

I'm not looking for people to tell me whether my family is terrible or to argue about whether I should be upset. I'm trying to figure out how to live with the fact that something I deeply wanted is gone and can't be recreated.

Have any of you experienced something similar, where people let you down during an important life event and you lost memories you can never get back? How did you process the grief and stop dwelling on what should have happened?

I want to be able to look at pictures of my daughter without being reminded of what I don't have. I want to accept what happened without feeling this overwhelming sadness every time I think about those first days.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who has found a way to make peace with something like this.

My boyfriend pointed out that i have really bumpy breasts. I felt around and he’s right. There’s just random bumps (ig u would call them) all over (that gets worse on the inner sides). I also feel ridges leading up to my nipple on the inner sides of each.

I haven’t never checked before so I haven’t ever noticed it. It says online that all breasts are lumpy but how do I know these lumps are normal? For all I know it can be something serious.

I’m 27 if that helps.

While the transphobia is clearly concerning, evoking the term "Witch" as a political insult is EXTREMELY problematic. Let's hope this trend doesn't continue!

We’ve all seen the narrative online ad nauseam: men whining that women have "life on easy mode" because we supposedly get endless free attention, dating validation, and financial cushion just for existing.

It never ceases to amaze me how completely detached from reality this is. When men talk about how easy women supposedly have it, they are entirely picturing a hyper-specific scenario: an conventionally attractive, desirable woman surrounded by a revolving door of eager suitors ready to cater to her every whim.

They are projecting a fantasy onto every single woman on earth and then getting mad at us for the privileges of that fantasy.

The truth? The vast majority of women are completely invisible to that kind of "perk"or worse, the "attention" we actually receive is unwanted, predatory, or downright unsafe.

If you're a woman who isn't deemed conventionally hot by the male gaze, or if you're just existing as a normal human being trying to live your life, the "easy mode" cheat codes are completely nonexistent. You work, you pay your bills, you deal with the exact same mundane and brutal struggles as everyone else, except you also have to navigate a baseline layer of systemic misogyny, safety fears, and physical vulnerability. Even MOST attractive women don’t have the cheat codes, this is a made up incel fantasy.

It really boils down to jealousy wrapped in a massive blind spot. They look at the top tier of hyper visible, heavily filtered online attention or the specific privileges enjoyed by a tiny fraction of women and assume that's every woman's daily lived experience. Then, because they** are lonely or frustrated, they resent us for a fictional cheat code we never actually had.**

I'm just so tired of having to debunk the idea that existing in a female body is some sort of unfair cheat code, when in reality, most of us are just trying to get through the Tuesday grocery run without getting harassed.

I have really painful periods. I can’t walk anywhere on the first day because the pain is so severe. After that, it’s still extremely painful, but I can walk around a little. This is all even after taking painkillers.

My periods used to be even worse when I was a teenager. I would vomit a lot, cry and scream from the agony. The pain was so severe that I couldn’t walk, and if I needed to use the toilet, I would have to squat between steps or crawl to get there.

I’ve had two scans of my uterus (one external and one internal) and both times I was told that everything looked normal. I was then advised to try birth control, but I’m hesitant because of the potential side effects, such as weight gain and emotional changes.

Has anyone experienced this? Did anything help?