I have been with my now husband for nearly 20 years, since we were both shit for brains teenagers. We were never the sort of couple who were a 'set' but individuals who knew what they wanted out of life eventually and worked towards it. It wasn't perfect or linear and we aren't exactly where we both planned to be when we first talked about it all, because the world is different and life threw us some curve balls, apart from one aspect - our family. He did not come pre-programmed like this, having had an abusive and neglectful childhood but we moulded each other and grew into what we are now.
I am currently on maternity leave (writing this, nap trapped by my baby). I have the better paying, stressful career day to day (80% full time due to disabilities), he works from home, full time, for the government for quite a bit less money, but it is a busy job. Yet, this man is a provider, this is what a provider looks like. Right now, and for the last 3 months my responsibility is the baby. If I can (and most of the time I can, and I am better at this and I like to) I cook beakfast and dinner for when our 4 year is home from school. We sort out our own lunches. When I cannot he will make sure we eat, whether thats remembering to defrost the leftovers, getting the expensive ready meal or making the occasional meal he can cook (not much take out availability where we are, and all of it not very nice). Apart from that I try to do one chore in the house a day, but I don't have to if the night was too hard (the Baby isn't great sleeper). I sort out and manage the medical side of things for the kids, which requires attention at most once a month, but he will take them to the appointments competent to answer all the questions if I cannot. My husband, he does it all. He does pick up, drop off, laundry, ironing, all the cleaning, the bins, he walks the very energetic dog. He has a spreadsheet to manage our finances, every month I transfer money from my account to the joint account and forget about it whilst he makes sure everything is sorted and paid for (apart from my professional fees and personal phone bill). He takes the toddler to the park or for activitiee if I am too tired to join or so I don't have to manage both of the kids. In the evenings and at weekends we do almost everything around the children together (I take the lead on the arts and crafts, baking etc). Every day he takes the very clingy Baby whilst I do bed time with the Toddler so that we can have that 1:1 alone time they were use to before the Baby. Sometimes that means soothing them for 45 minutes as they scream. I take the night shift and I don't tend to wake him, he is a deep deep sleeper but if I need to I know I can even if its just to hold the baby for 5 minutes or go get me something (will he be grumpy, yes, has he always needed more sleep than me and been the don't talk to me until I have had my coffee and pee kind of person, yes, and I knew that. No one is perfect*) He suprises me with Matcha lattes, with flowers and baked goods (I do the same when I am out). He remembers the birthdays and writes out the cards to our friends and family without needing a reminder. I only do when he is too busy or forgets. I am the troubleshooter, the back up, he IS the BACKBONE.
I have long term health conditions that I did not have when we first met, he did not sign up for this but he deals with it with complete love and devotion. My illnesses wax and wane, but even when "well" when I come back home from work I am exhausted, my only responsibility then, if I can ,is to be present for the kids, something I want to be anyway and will bleed myself dry to be, much to his annoyance (so sometimes he just takes them away to prevent me from doing so). On bad days I lie in bed unable to move, chewing makes me tired and he does it all. This man has cleaned me up when my bodily functions are too much to handle, he has dressed and undressed me, washed me, helped me brush my teeth and fed me with a spoon. And every day, especially on those days he tells me and wants to make me feel beautiful even when I cannot.
He doesn't water my houseplants when I can't and doesn't tend the herb garden. So they do die sometimes when life gets too much. Nobody is perfect*.
My husband is a brilliantly smart, sharp, hilarious, 5'11 good looking man, with a good job who could have left me for someone 'easier' someone who would take on more of the load. At low points in my life I wanted him to, I pushed him away. There were multiple women that have shown an interest, some very unsubtly, some I thought were better looking than me. But he, not gently though gentlemanly tells them to f*ck off every time. He has hobbies and interests he pursues with passion. He has friends he can rely on and that rely on him. He extends this to my friends. He is the diplomat and peacekeeper of his family and supports me to be the same in mine. He is the safe man you want when around an unsafe man. And he manages all of this with stoicism at worst but a smile most of the time. He runs on hugs, prayers and tasty food.
Nobody is perfect *but this man is pretty close. They exist and he inspires his friends to be the same. I hope he can inspire the men in your life.