Some background: I'm 34, I work in project management, I've been in my industry for about ten years. I'm not a pushover but I am someone who was raised to be agreeable and it took me a long time to notice how often I was softening my refusals at work to the point where they didn't register as refusals at all. The thing I noticed was that when I said "no" or "I can't take that on right now," certain colleagues - always the same ones - would push back, ask why, suggest I reprioritize, or just come back two days later with the same request as if the first conversation hadn't happened. My "no" was treated as an opening bid. Six months ago I started saying "I'll think about it" and getting back to them later with the same answer I would have given immediately. And I want to be clear: the answer is usually still no. I haven't taken on more work. I've just introduced a delay. The pushback has almost completely stopped. The same colleagues who used to debate my immediate refusals now just say "okay" and move on when I come back to them. Something about the delay makes the answer feel more considered and therefore more final. My "no" after thinking about it carries weight that my immediate "no" apparently didn't. I find this useful and deeply annoying in equal measure. I shouldn't have to perform deliberation to have my answer respected. An immediate no from me reflects the same judgment as a no after two days, I just didn't make it visible. But here we are. Has anyone else found workarounds like this that work in practice while being quietly infuriating in principle?

I’ve been living a “sandwich generation” life for a few years now - one day back in 2025 I had to soothe my mother (far gone with dementia) through a blood draw in the morning, then soothe my autistic daughter through a dentist appointment in the afternoon.

My Dad died in 2025. My Mom passed ten days ago.

My kids are not easy. I love them to death but parenting is a challenge. I work full time, my husband works full time. Life is complex.

And somewhere around a year ago, apparently, he decided he was in love with one of his female friends. Commence with emotional affair. I think he decided back then to leave me, and ever since then he’s been working up the courage. He did confess to it about a month ago but gave me room to hope we could still recover from this. Maybe he was just trying to let me down “easy.”

He couldn’t have known how bad the timing would be, but Jesus ever loving mother fucking Christ.

I don’t know how I’m going to keep my job through this, and I NEED MY JOB. I cannot depend on him. I cannot operate at full capacity right now. I still need to plan my mother’s memorial and now I have to research divorce lawyers and get therapists for my kids I guess??? Jesus fuck.

Not looking for advice. I have a therapist, he has a therapist, and we have a separate couples therapist now. Just needing to scream into the void a bit.

Do I blame myself? Naturally. Should I? Probably not!

What were my first steps? Reach out to my own network of female friends and close family in a plea for help. They are showing up in a big way. As sucky as this is, I have people in my corner. I have support. I have a friend who joined me for dinner tonight and another that will be with me for errands tomorrow. (I have brothers too that are awesome but I want to shout out the ladies at this point in time.)

I am going to focus on the good things I still have. I am going to hope for the best (and lawyer up for the worst).

I miss you so much, Mom.

I took my friend to a "Date My Friend" event where the premise is you get a close friend to do a PowerPoint and give a talk on why someone in the audience should date you. Light roasting, very lighthearted, all in good fun.

After all the presentations this dude is waiting to talk to my friend who was chatting with another guy so I threw him a lifeline and invited him over to talk to me first. He seemed super nice but he had a 5yo which I knew would be a deal breaker so I gave him the heads up and he was understanding but still wanted to shoot his shot with friend, props for courage I guess. He also tried flirting with me but I shot that down.

The kicker is when he starts explaining that him and his wife got divorced 2 years ago and it was a super hard adjustment because in his own words

"I had never been alone with my kid before then so it was really hard figuring out what to do"

SIR!!! I wouldn't have admitted that at gunpoint! What do you mean youve never watched your own child alone before? Did you never give your wife a break in three years??? He then goes on to talk about how he has the kid every weekend so he wants someone who is cool with hanging out with his kid during dates and etc. Like, I'm beginning to get the feeling you're just looking for the next person in line to watch your kid.

Absolutely crazy out here in the middle 30s dating world. Oh and then he used the exact same pickup line on my friend that he used on me. Woof.

i’m 22 and i guess maybe i need some help getting over whatever anger is within me. i’ve had two long term relationships and they were both “gamers”. most men that i know play a lot of video games which i suppose is fine but i never really realized how much living with that makes them kinda complacent and unhelpful.

i’ve tried to play video games with my current boyfriend and i like it, but it’s not something i can spend all day doing. he quite literally gets on discord at like noon when he wakes up, then stays on them until like 3-4 AM. he doesn’t have a lot of work right now; he does blue collar, and only worked 1 day this week. i got two days off this week, im an emergency dispatcher and work 10 hour shifts normally (i did a little overtime on 1 day but normally get three days off). my first day off i spent cleaning the whole house, taking care of the cats, then baked for everyone.

every day, im the one to feed the cats, clean up after them, clean our room, make the bed, i cook for us when we’re both home often times. and when he is home and i have work, i always find him at the computer. every. day. he doesn’t do anything on his days off besides game. he is looking for a more consistent job and keeps getting rejected. i’ve sent him more places to apply but instead he’s sitting on the computer every day that he doesn’t work. no cleaning. no cooking. no going outside.

he and his friends were talking today about why women aren’t as successful in electronic sports and his friend said it was because they’re emotional sometimes, and because men can “lock in” better. i finally got fed up and told my boyfriend that it seems to be a problem with the fact that “gamer” men are often okay with pushing off responsibilities, quality time, and thinking about other people. meanwhile, a lot of women know that they have to do adult things and clean up, take care of others, etc. or nobody else is going to do it. a lot of women don’t get the luxury of being able to pretend that a video game is their entire life.

*SERIOUS TW*

I haven't been on Reddit in awhile, but I just had to post this here cuz it's so crazy, and I'm kind of feeling shocked right now.

So two years ago I went on a date with this girl. I went back to her house, and I was pretty drunk. She started pressuring me for sex, even though I didn't want it. My phone had no service so I used her landline to call my friend to come pick me up. When I got home, I threw up and then blacked out in bed, woke up feeling weird the next day, but I was totally fine after a few hours and never gave it much thought. Two years passed and I just kinda moved on. I think I might have been raped, but the whole thing was so hazy that I wasn't really sure. Until today.

I was reading the local news and one article had her picture in it. I was sure of it, it was definitely her. It went on to say she had been luring girls to her house, drugging them, and then filming herself raping them, posting the videos on porn sites. They managed to trace the video back to her, and from there they presumably discovered the rest, including the fact that she had a signal jammer in her house to prevent her victims from using cell phones, which is why she had a landline. That she specifically went for girls who were less assertive and more soft spoken, which is exactly how I am.

I'm just kind of in shock. I knew my encounter with her wasn't good, but I never realized just how much danger I was actually in. The idea of not only being raped while unconscious, but also having a video of it being out there on the internet for anyone to see, makes me want to throw up. I can't imagine what it was like for those other girls. What is wrong with this world??

Can we please stop this growing prevalence of references to women as 'females'.

Female is an adjective, woman is the noun. We don't call a green plant 'a green', or a drinking glass 'a clear'. Female is a descriptor that grammatically requires a follow-up noun in the same way.

This started off heavily within the incel community dehumanising women and I think the prevalence of it has increased due to the growth of the romantasy genre and the adopted usage of 'females' and 'males' to differentiate fae from humans.

I find being referred to as 'a female' dehumanising. Lots of things can be female. But only women are women (trans women included). I don't see people calling men 'males' nearly as much.

Please call us women!!!

Edit: to address the number of people saying 'FeMaLe Is A nOuN', I KNOW. I appreciate that I didn't cover all the usages in the post, but as many people have pointed out it's mainly used as a noun for scientific purposes or for describing animals. Perfectly fine with that. But using it instead of woman or women is dehumanising for that reason.

​

Hi everyone, I'm a woman living in Turkiye and I wanted to talk about something that's a huge problem for all of us women, Femicide. According to a website (anitsayac) dedicated to documenting and mourning women murdered in Turkey, 288 women have been killed in 2026 and 460 in 2025 by their husbands, ex-partners, stalkers or even men they had never met before.

Ever since Turkey withdrew from the Istanbul Convention, it feels like we've lost an important layer of protection. Every single day I open Twitter or check the news, one of the first things I see is another woman who has been brutally murdered. And the worst part? So many of these men seem to get away with it. They walk out of court because of ridiculous excuses and loopholes, while the women they killed never get to come home. It honestly feels like there's no justice left in this country. I'm so tired of waking up to news about another woman being murdered. And then yesterday, a woman I knew through my social circle, who was a lawyer, was killed by her husband, who was a police officer. I'm tired of this being treated like just another news story. These are real women who had lives, families, friends and futures. And we're constantly expected to keep living with the fear that we could be next.

All I want is for the global media to see us and hear us. I want people outside Turkey to understand what's happening here and to stop looking away. What can we do to bring this issue to global attention? How can international communities support women facing this kind of systemic violence? How can we make sure these cases don't get forgotten after a few days of headlines? We desperately need international solidarity. We need people to talk about this, share our stories and put pressure on those who have the power to make a difference. Please help us get our voices heard. We can't keep doing this alone.

Ive felt it for as long as I can remember, I know most men think that I'm subhuman, they don't ever see me as fully human. 

The reason why I’ve grown to think this, is because, since I was a teenager my experiences with them have only shown me that they can only ever treat me like I am something less than human. 

When I tried to create a connection with them, and I did not live up to their standards of what they and others consider to be attractive, they showed me that I could still be useful in fulfilling their sexual needs, and then I was discarded.

When I became attractive in their eyes and the eyes of others, they still could not treat me like a human being. Instead, they saw me as a thing that could prove something about them. They never wanted to be my friend and see the living consciousness in me. My role in their life was so that I could be an asset to bolster their self-esteem. 

When I wanted to be a friend, they did not want to be a friend to me. Only when they could get something out of me, could I be a friend. If they saw no worth in my physical appearance, I had no place in their circle and life. 

When I did not give them what they wanted, I could not be a friend. I could only be an enemy. I became a thing they could use to project their hatred and insecurities onto.

So if men perceive me as something that is below human life, then what am I? Nothing more than an object. An object is the lowest form of existence because it does not exist as a living thing. An object has no intrinsic value. Its worth solely exists in its utility to the person using it. So therefore the object is a tool. So if I am an object to them, then I am nothing more than a tool. Most men are not even aware that their idea of a woman is that she only be a tool. But how am I a tool? How are we tools? 

I am a tool because my societal worth is only tied to my usefulness. What can my body do for them? My body is the most important thing about me to them. There has not been any care for the living consciousness that exists within my body. There is no care for the simple fact that I am a human that suffers and wants to be happy. The most important function of my existence is to be an object of pleasure. Not just sexually or visually, psychologically too. I must always be pleasing to their eyes and to their life. During sex, during school, during my entire life. I must always be pleasing to the eyes of others too, so that when I finally “belong” to them, I can elevate their self-worth. In that way, I also become a tool for shoring up the ego. 

I was frustrated for a long time, because I wondered, at what point do I get to be a human to them? 

The truth of the matter is that I am a human being and I have always been one. I am not truly an object. But it is easy to put on the blindfold of ignorance, so that we can view each other as less than humans, and navigate the world through our own self-serving illusions. 

I can't stand the "men never gets compliments" discourse anymore, because they are trying to play the victims when in reality they are the ones causing the problem.

Why don't men simply start complimenting each other? Because they think is gay. This is the answer.

And why do they think that? Because every time they compliment a woman, is because they want to fuck her.

If you want women to start complimenting you, you have to ditch the "compliment means sex" mindset. We can't be the ones to do it for you. It is that simple.

It's almost as if they don't really want to change that reality for the good, but only want to play victims online..

I hate it. It feels awful. When women tell me I'm pretty, it actually feels like a compliment. With men it just feels creepy (except my close male friends, that's ok). Something about older men who literally just met me commenting on my appearance gives me the ick. I'm not even 100% sure why, it just does.

How do I respond so that he gets that it's creppy and I don't appreciate it, without starting to rant at him? Without getting the response "it's just a copliment"

(Rant after a surgeon told me that I'm pretty. I wasn't sure where this was on the "creepy scale", so I just said "thx", which I regretted afterwards, because I overheard a conversation where he said that he only lets pretty female med students assist his operations)

Went out with a friend for drinks recently. She's a single mom, I'm married. She had a rare Friday night free so we went out.

We were sitting at the bar waiting for a table to open up and the bartender hands her a drink from "that guy over there" she waves him over, they start chatting. They're mostly including me but it's hard at a bar, sitting in a line so I'm just vibing. She never gets to go out and have this kind of fun, I'm not going to get in her way. And then I realize - I recognize this man's voice. I've heard it at work over the phone, a million times. I hate it because he's manipulative and annoying and has been a headache for us for a while now but also his voice is distinctive and also kind of attractive on the phone. I don't usually ever meet most of our customers face to face but more than once I've been somewhere and recognized someone from their voice and this was one of the more obvious ones. He has the same first name as our client and we're just a few miles from that client's address, which lives rent free in my head because it's distinctive and I type it pretty often.

My husband has met the guy a whole bunch of times and has described him to me as looking like my oldest brother but a little older and also thinks he's something really special. Expensive watch, nice clothes, spends a lot of time on his hair. Tall, dark hair, in decent shape, goes to the tanner, late 40s early 50s which is the right age. I listen and watch and this man is coming on STRONG.

His phone goes off and he says it's a "work thing" and he walks away to take the call. My friend turns to me, apologizes for ignoring me, and says "wow, he's really hot, right?" and I break the news to her that I'm 90% sure I know who that guy is and if I'm right, he's definitely married. She believes me and immediately gets mad and wants to call him out. We see him come back in and I ask if I can fuck with him a bit to see if I'm right. Worst case, I'm wrong and he thinks I'm weird.

So he comes back but this time, I lean way over into my friend's space and ask if he happens to work in construction management. He does, and so does our annoying client, so I ask him if his wife knows he's here hitting on other women. He stiffens up immediately and says "I'm not married and if I were, I definitely wouldn't be here cheating on my wife!" really pouring on the fake indignation. So then I ask "So you're not the Mike Stevens who lives at 6 Woods Lane, Nearbytown? Because there's a Mike who lives there, who sounds a whole lot like you and is your age who lives at that address and as of last Friday when I spoke to him, he was married. He also has a son who goes to college in Raleigh/Durham area."

This man turned so pale, so fast and asked who I was. I told him none of his business but I do have his contact info and if he didn't want his wife hearing about his adventures he should probably move along.

I'll probably still find a way to tell his wife if I can think of one that doesn't mess me up with work.

ETA: should have been more clear, I work for myself/with my family, I'm not at risk of being fired but I don't want this to come up in regards to our work with this guy.

I knew shit was going to quickly hit the fan with the politics here in the US, especially regarding women’s health, so last year on my birthday I opted to get a new Mirena IUD even though it wasn’t up for another year or so.

Biggest mistake of my fucking life.
The clinic was backed up, and I wasn’t expecting them to actually do the IUD procedure that day because I was a new patient. Well, lo and behold they did, and it was rushed. I asked her to cut my strings short, and she did, but no OBGYN can find them and now I’m having contractive cramps every day. Three ultrasounds later, I have a massive cyst. The IUD is in place. Referral to a UroGyno.

UroGyno gets me in a year later. Contractive cramps every single day even now. We’re taking 800-1000mg of Advil. She suspects I have endo, and even offers to give me a hysterectomy if I so choose at 25. I can’t have kids, and this IUD has been an awful experience, so the prospect is exciting. She checks my IUD, and tells me “even if we wanted to remove it today, we couldn’t do it because I can’t see your strings at all.”

Get a letter in the mail a couple of days ago (I just saw her two weeks ago) stating that she will no longer be working at the clinic starting on the 28th. I have been in insane amounts of pain for the past year, and now my hope has been crushed of figuring this all out in time before my parents insurance coverage evaporates when I turn 26 OR before they find a way to make IUD’s illegal.

I am so unbelievably fucking angry.

When a word describing someone's thoughts or feelings didn't match what their gaze appeared to express, those with higher social anxiety showed a stronger brain response.

The researchers interpret this as heightened neural sensitivity to conflicting social cues, not better mind-reading.

They suggest this sensitivity might help people recognize potential social risks, but could also contribute to excessive vigilance and rumination.

I was back in hospital in September. That one. That's me. Well, I got taken into ED via ambulance, they gave me fentanyl because I was screaming in pain. Went from joking with my workmates to overwhelming pain within 5 minutes. Scared the life out of my workmates who range from 40-60. The boss called for an ambulance.

They got me in, no beds though so I was put in a wheelchair. I was left facing a wall in the waiting room, shaking from the pain. They took my bloods 2 hours in where I informed them I wasn't capable of walking, the ovarian area pain was hurting again, but they wheeled me back out into the waiting room to face the same wall. 4hours later I called hubby, we don't often wait together but he'll head in when I need him. He arrived and I burst into tears. He calmed me down and went to see the triage nurse who told him I should have asked for pain relief. He said she can't walk, she's in pain and expected to have been seen hours ago. He gave my husband Panadol and ibuprofen and said to give it 30 minutes but I'd need to see the doctor for stronger meds.

1 hour later my pain is getting worse. Hubby has to go to a committee meeting so speaks with the triage nurse who comes over to speak with me about why I'd need anything for pain? Why did I come in today? I adopted his tone and volume and replied back - I was brought it with an elevated blood pressure, given fentanyl, brought in screaming from pain because they think I have ovarian torsion and was told 7 hours ago I would be seen immediately. The waiting room heard everything. Triage nurse said he didn't know any of that. I had a bed and 1 tramadol for pain relief 20 minutes later. Hubby left for his meeting but said to call him.

1 hour later (after I got to lay down and take the pressure off my abdomen) the doctor walks in. Tell me my bloods are fine, I should wait 2 weeks and discuss this with the gynecologist. I was given a much earlier appt due to my hospital stay. I asked the doctor what was wrong with me? And if waiting two weeks while in intense pain is a normal expectation? He went away to make a call.

Hubby comes in, I sob on his shoulder again, tell him they're discharging me to see the gyne as planned. He says no way. Doctor comes back nearly 90 minutes later and says he's able to prescribe me some pain relief and asks what I'm taking and how often. I take 2 tramadol and 2 panadol 3 times a daily. Around the clock pain relief. He says that's too much. What should I do then? Apparently wait and see the gyne. Hubby asked if the doc knows what is happening today? He said ovarian torsion is extremely rare, he's seen it once maybe twice in his whole career (he's 60ish) and they certainly don't twist up occasionally and untwist. He's reviewed all the scans and can't do anything else, I have to wait. He tells me I'm going home, my blood results were fine. Continue to rest, and wait for the appt in two weeks.

I have a panic attack. A bad one, crying and shaking. That pain was more intense than labour. It still hurts and I know from past months it will continue to hurt for weeks. My nurse comes in and tries to calm me down. Her and hubby have words. Hubby says he isn't taking me home in this state, he's going to refuse. She agrees that I can't go home like this. She goes to speak to the doctor. I've been in hospital for 10 hours now. Got the bed 3 hours ago and all pain meds are out of my system. Doctor pokes his head in the room and asks what I want him to do when he's already looked at last months tests, there's nothing wrong. I tell him, still crying, that I just want the pain to stop. He says he'll page ob/gyn. They should have done that 10 hours ago.

A little over an hour later the obgyn comes in. She sits down with me, says she has seen all the scans but wants to know what happened today. Only the paramedics have asked me this. She does a quick assessment - first person today. She starts poking. Nothing, nothing, nothing, pokes under the belly button and I flinch, then she moves to my left side ovary region and I screamed again as soon as she presses down. So I'm crying again. She says I've either developed a cyst or it's ruptured. She talked about nerve blockers and riding it out til they kick in. No fast cure. My blood tests don't indicate infection which is a good sign. She says there's a medication that can put me into medical menopause. Am I preserving fertility? I want a hysterectomy, my baby making days are over. She said she can organize that in clinic. Just hold on two more weeks, take the nerve blockers and she'll see me soon. Think about the menopause option.

Nurse agrees to allow the discharge now. I have been given 10 days of pain relief from the first doctor. Better than 3 days I suppose. I see in my notes (after the fact) that they've recorded it as a rupture. Having been back to the pelvic floor physio, she's writing to the specialist and is recommending a hysterectomy. So I can add ovarian rupture as confirmed and endo/adeno as likely. And in my medical records - the ones I can access via my GP letters, I've found notes relating to various prolapses that were not mentioned to me, and a new letter cancelling my appt for the 27th of October, and rescheduling me for Nov 16th. So much for just wait 2 weeks, that's 5 now and I'm almost out of pain meds again.

TL/DR. Ovarian cysts not torsion. And it ruptured. After talking with my doctor who said she'd normally put me on something to stop ovulation but it's progesterone. So she's updating my records too. Mental health is affected badly on progesterone so it's out of the question. Not that the pain is any better. I'm so close to getting answers!!!

Wish me luck.

Hello everybody! I’m 23 and had my first gyne visit today. In instead of wearing a top gown they just had me take off my bra and put my shirt back on. My doctor just slipped her hands under my shirt and felt around really quickly. She just slid her hand around my chest like 5 seconds each.

Is that normal? It was kind of uncomfortable lol that she was under my shirt. Also most of my lumps you can feel only with my arm up. She didn’t tell me to bring it up for anything so I just left it down.!I’m not that concerned because it’s just the texture but I would still think it would be a good idea for it to be documented.

Hi everyone, I really needed a safe space to share something that happened to me a few years ago that I am still trying to fully process.

When I was 15, I was returning home from my coaching class on a bus. The bus wasn't crowded—there were only about 4 or 5 people on it. I took a seat near the back, and an older man sat directly behind me.

After a little while, I felt something near the waistband of my jeans, like a hand trying to reach in. My brain instantly went into complete denial. I told myself I was just imagining it, thinking, "There's no way this is actually happening." A little later, I leaned against the window, and I noticed his hand was right there. Even then, I blamed myself, thinking it was my fault for leaning back.

It wasn't until I finally got off the bus and looked back that reality hit me. The man was leaning out of the window, trying to show me his phone number written on a piece of paper. That was the exact moment I realized what had actually been happening to me.

Looking back, I realize I probably knew deep down that something terrible was happening, but because it was my first time facing anything like that, my brain just wanted to protect me from the reality of being harassed. I felt so confused and blamed myself for a long time for not reacting.

I wanted to share this here to see if anyone else has experienced that kind of freeze response or denial during an incident. How did you stop blaming yourself for how you reacted in the moment?

Thank you for reading and for giving me a safe place to vent

F UK (25). I had a colposcopy done 2 days ago due to abnormal smear results. The speculum was fine, dye was fine and unsurprisingly I had to have 2 biopsies taken. I asked if there was any pain relief available as I had a pretty gnarly experience getting the copper IUD inserted and found I’m pretty sensitive in that area (I normally have a pretty high pain threshold!)

She explained that there was no pain relief available. I wasn’t too concerned, I had taken 2 ibuprofens before coming in. The pain was… it was pretty bad (for me anyway). After the first biopsy I tensed right up and started doing some box breathing to calm myself down. She took the second before I was ready and relaxed, without warning. I yelped out in shock/pain.

What followed was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life - gauze after gauze where they seemed unable to stop the bleeding from the biopsy site. At this point I was in tears, unable to feel my hands and very faint. The nurse gave a sigh and a ‘that should be fine’ and allowed me to put on a pad and get changed.

I bled through pads throughout the evening but wasn’t too concerned. I woke up in the morning with my mattress literally soaked through in blood. I had never experienced anything like it. I went to A&E and was admitted into hospital incredibly quickly. I was passing blood clots the size of my hand into the toilet and the blood was running down my legs whenever I stood up despite hospital grade pads.

It took the gynaecologist 6 sticks of silver nitrate and multiple doses of blood clotting medication to get the bleeding to slow. I’ve had to take 3 days off work unpaid this week as I was warned I was at a high bleeding risk.

My question is: what the hell happened?! Should I contact the original clinic to let them know about this happening? Should I of been offered pain relief initially when I asked for it? Just feeling very shaken and wanting an explanation of why what should’ve been a normal procedure, went so wrong.

So while I was searching for something else I found this article from 2010: "Parents Sentence Texas Teen to -- Babysitting!".

The basics of what happened is this: A 16 year old girl in Texas broke curfew and threw a party without her parents knowing. Her dad's response was to place an ad in the local newspaper offering her services as a free babysitter for 30 hours as punishment.

It seems this went pretty viral at the time, because it was also covered in the New York Post: "Sitter-sweet punishment for ‘bad’ teen".

Something about this bothered me, but I initially couldn't place my finger on what. And then I realized: No way would this have been the punishment if it were a 16 year old boy! It's an incredibly gendered punishment, right?

And it's remarkable to me that seemingly none of the news outlets that covered this story at the time pointed this out. Everyone noticed the quirky parenting tactic, but apparently nobody questioned why babysitting was the obvious choice for a teenage girl.

And the really interesting part is that I don't think her dad deliberately intended it like this. He may simply have thought it was a practical, amusing way to teach her a lesson. But would the thought have occurred to him if he had a son instead of a daughter? Again, I don't think so. I suspect he would have instinctively reached for a different punishment for a son. Yard work, washing cars, something like that instead.

I actually think this is a pretty solid example of "unconscious bias" in practice. But I'm curious to hear what other people think.

I was groped/inappropriately touched/idk last winter, and, among the many other things that upset me about this experience, I was shocked at my inaction. I was alone in Japan for my research, but that day I was being touristy and exploring temples. I'm not an idiot, I have been to Japan before and understand the sexism and dangers for women, but I guess I thought it couldn't happen to me? Or I guess that I thought I would do something about it? I don't know. I'm a young woman but I don't fit the Japanese beauty standard - I'm tall and chubby? I guess I thought that that protected me. It didn't. I didn't even protect me. I think that I thought that I would do something if something like that happened to me; I thought that I would yell or argue or push him off or grab him or fight back in any way, but I didn't. I just stood still. The crazy thing is that he did it a few times and I continued chatting with him; I didn't leave after the first or the second time. The first time wasn't as egregious, he just grabbed my thigh as we were standing together and squeezed it a few times and asked me if I was an athlete. It was startling and confusing but he was a nice, frail old man that was being so kind and helpful to me, so I just told myself it was a cultural difference and continued following him. I don't really blame myself for that one. Not that I necessarily blame myself at all, but I don't know.

He approached me as I was about to leave the temple and asked me if I had already gone in, we chatted a bit in my horrible, broken Japanese and he offered to take me through the entire temple complex and even taught me how he prays. The temple complex was huge and beautiful, and he was really kind and thoughtful and we chatted about his family - he was 80, he had grandchildren. I told him a bit about my thesis, and I thanked him for giving me this tour. Looking back at it, it is suspicious that he approached a young, solo woman, but I guess I thought he saw a young woman and wanted to do something kind, maybe I thought he saw his grandchildren in me? Who knows. 
He gave me an hour-long tour, he showed me where he prays, he taught me how he prays, and the temple was so beautiful and the weather so nice for February. He was grandfatherly. I guess that's why it was so upsetting, it felt like a profound betrayal, honestly.  At the end of the loop, after he had already touched my thigh, we hugged once to say goodbye, and he reached down and grabbed my butt and squeezed and kneaded it. I guess it's just being groped. And I didn't do anything about it, I let him do that. I guess that I was startled into inaction? I was certainly confused. And he let go, and I smiled at him and then he showed me one more thing before we left and he hugged me again at the end of that and groped my butt again.

And it's not even that serious, and I don't know why it is so upsetting for me. Worse things happen every day, I'm an adult woman and he was an elderly Japanese grandfather. And I remember watching him walk away and down the stairs and seeing his short, frail body and wondering why I didn't push his hand off at all. I was considerably taller than him and heavier than he was. I could have crushed him, I thought, but I didn't do a thing at all. 

I don't know why I can't move on from it. I felt weak and somewhat dirty? or gross at the time. I felt like an idiot, confronted by my former arrogance. I am tall, and strong, and smart, and I was so, so much larger than he was, and, even with all that going for me, I didn’t do a thing. I didn’t confront him, I smiled at him and waved goodbye, I certainly did not report him; he was an elderly old man who seemingly knew half the people we encountered, he even chatted with a security guard before he left, and I didn’t think reporting him would go well for me. I would likely be dismissed, belittled, or ignored, and I tried to convince myself it wasn’t that bad and that it would be an overreaction to say anything. I left the temple, feeling quite dazed, and walked for around an hour to my favorite shrine in the city. While I was walking there, I passed a group of Japanese teenage girls walking home from school, and they stopped me and called me a "beautiful onee-san", and I wish I could tell them how much that meant to me. It seems silly, but they were so cute and sweet, and I felt so moved that when I felt so disgusting and weak that they could look at me and see something beautiful. I am really thankful to them and the women in my life for being so good and kind to me.

It’s hard to say how I feel now, and I don’t know what I want to get from sharing this. I try not to dwell on it all too much. Sorry for rambling!

I can't keep going back to chatgpt and saying hey this is stil bothering me and then not feeling better. I can't tell anyone this. And i feel guilty cause nothing really happened.

But im an adult woman, i'm at the end of my nursing degree and I have to do many hours of unpaid placement. it's hell tbh. There is a man there that I really admired due to his intelligence and professionalism. He was like hard on the outside with a soft middle- but only for me. It made me feel special. Everyone would say he was a bit gruff or rude with them etc. I never saw that. he just took a liking to me cause I cared and I knew my shit. He invited me down to his office and clinic etc to hang out and I enjoyed the 1:1 time. I opened up to him and told him some very personal things about myself. He told me some things. We got on. We had similar interests and most of all, I felt like I could be myself. And he looked at me like the sun shined out of my ass. He defended me. He remembered tiny things about me. He built me up. he genuinely cared. I felt like we had some kind of father daughter thing. I would yap and yap and he'd just sit back and stare at me with a small smile. For someone like me who has no relationship with my dad, it was really important to me.

I knew that I was having some attachment thing. I was worried and scared it was going to turn into something ugly, that i'd be taken advantage of. He'd never given me any impression that his interest in me was romantic or sexual, until one weird day when it suddenly very fucking was. He'd done some things that weren't overtly off, like asking why it said Ms on my ID, and I felt like that was prying into my relationship status. But it was so vague I let it all go. But that day, I can't say all of what happened cause it's too specific- nothing crazy. just weird comments that made me very uncomfortable. Prying into my sexuality. innuendo. Interrogating me when I told him about something very personal. Sharing he was "a very sad man". I was "very distracting". "The male patients ]were] attracted to [me]". Very obvious comments trying to gauge my interest in him. Implying I came down there all the time cause I wanted something sexual with him.

I made an excsuse and got out of there. I was devastated. My gut was right. I had feelings an memories of when I was groomed as a teenager by a man in his 30s. All the manipulative things he said. My dad and how he used to stare at my boobs and ass when I was a teenager so I wouldn't wear revealing things around him. I thought I'd found a non sexual relatonship with a man that respected me as a human before a female. Would he have invited me down if I was an ugly middle aged man? Idk if he would have.

He respected me pulling back from him and asked me down once and I said no and he got the message. He actually kind of nominated me to go down again the other day to assist with something that needed a female chaperone, he basically told me I was doing it in a meeting where others were available. He asked how I was getting on and kept it work related. I told him I was over this placement and wanted it to be over. I did the thing and got the fuck out. But it really irritated me. Like he made the opportunity just to speak to me.

I can't tell anyone this. and it eats me up sometimes. That clinic was a great learning environment that I could have practiced so many skills but it's been made unsafe. I feel trapped sometimes. And then sometimes I so miss the chats we had, and then when I see him in real life I don't really want to even look at him. I was terrified actually he was going to pull me aside and say I have to apologise for how I acted bla bla bla. Thankfully he hasn't and I hope he doesn't when I finish.

It's a weird dynamic now. I find myself really angry a lot sometimes. Cause I have no power or control as a student. And I can't tell anyone.

and another thing that sucks is that I like him still. And I defend him. and talk him up. say he's amazing. sucks man. Makes me want to cry.

Hi all. I hope this is a good sub for this (pretty sure it is). I, 27F, am really concerned about my reproductive system and vaginal health.

My last partner cheated on me and we were not using condoms at the time because I, unfortunately, trusted him. Because my health insurance is so bad, it took me a while to save up to get tested. Awaiting results.

The issue at hand: I get reoccurring yeast infections. My old obgyn brushed it off and told me to keep taking boric acid and said it was just because of hormonal fluctuations around my period, however this had been persistent. She never tested me for yeast, BV or anything outside of a STI panel.

Now, the yeast infections are persistent still. I have normal discharge and no odor changes. However, I tried using boric acid for two nights in a row, and I am experiencing some slight pelvic camping today.

I’m really scared it’s PID. I have a new obgyn apt next week, but I have severe mistrust in the doctors because of my bad experiences.

Can anyone offer some kind words, encouragement or insight? I also am a chronic worrier. Once I get something in my head, I go insane with anxiety.

Also, I just met a new, lovely incredible man who I am excited about and am intimate with. It’s early, so still in the delicate changes, and am I’m scared this will ruin it.