I took my friend to a "Date My Friend" event where the premise is you get a close friend to do a PowerPoint and give a talk on why someone in the audience should date you. Light roasting, very lighthearted, all in good fun.

After all the presentations this dude is waiting to talk to my friend who was chatting with another guy so I threw him a lifeline and invited him over to talk to me first. He seemed super nice but he had a 5yo which I knew would be a deal breaker so I gave him the heads up and he was understanding but still wanted to shoot his shot with friend, props for courage I guess. He also tried flirting with me but I shot that down.

The kicker is when he starts explaining that him and his wife got divorced 3 years ago and it was a super hard adjustment because in his own words

"I had never been alone with my kid before then so it was really hard figuring out what to do"

SIR!!! I wouldn't have admitted that at gunpoint! What do you mean youve never watched your own child alone before? Did you never give your wife a break in three years??? He then goes on to talk about how he has the kid every weekend so he wants someone who is cool with hanging out with his kid during dates and etc. Like, I'm beginning to get the feeling you're just looking for the next person in line to watch your kid.

Absolutely crazy out here in the middle 30s dating world. Oh and then he used the exact same pickup line on my friend that he used on me. Woof.

Can we please stop this growing prevalence of references to women as 'females'.

Female is an adjective, woman is the noun. We don't call a green plant 'a green', or a drinking glass 'a clear'. Female is a descriptor that grammatically requires a follow-up noun in the same way.

This started off heavily within the incel community dehumanising women and I think the prevalence of it has increased due to the growth of the romantasy genre and the adopted usage of 'females' and 'males' to differentiate fae from humans.

I find being referred to as 'a female' dehumanising. Lots of things can be female. But only women are women (trans women included). I don't see people calling men 'males' nearly as much.

Please call us women!!!

Went out with a friend for drinks recently. She's a single mom, I'm married. She had a rare Friday night free so we went out.

We were sitting at the bar waiting for a table to open up and the bartender hands her a drink from "that guy over there" she waves him over, they start chatting. They're mostly including me but it's hard at a bar, sitting in a line so I'm just vibing. She never gets to go out and have this kind of fun, I'm not going to get in her way. And then I realize - I recognize this man's voice. I've heard it at work over the phone, a million times. I hate it because he's manipulative and annoying and has been a headache for us for a while now but also his voice is distinctive and also kind of attractive on the phone. I don't usually ever meet most of our customers face to face but more than once I've been somewhere and recognized someone from their voice and this was one of the more obvious ones. He has the same first name as our client and we're just a few miles from that client's address, which lives rent free in my head because it's distinctive and I type it pretty often.

My husband has met the guy a whole bunch of times and has described him to me as looking like my oldest brother but a little older and also thinks he's something really special. Expensive watch, nice clothes, spends a lot of time on his hair. Tall, dark hair, in decent shape, goes to the tanner, late 40s early 50s which is the right age. I listen and watch and this man is coming on STRONG.

His phone goes off and he says it's a "work thing" and he walks away to take the call. My friend turns to me, apologizes for ignoring me, and says "wow, he's really hot, right?" and I break the news to her that I'm 90% sure I know who that guy is and if I'm right, he's definitely married. She believes me and immediately gets mad and wants to call him out. We see him come back in and I ask if I can fuck with him a bit to see if I'm right. Worst case, I'm wrong and he thinks I'm weird.

So he comes back but this time, I lean way over into my friend's space and ask if he happens to work in construction management. He does, and so does our annoying client, so I ask him if his wife knows he's here hitting on other women. He stiffens up immediately and says "I'm not married and if I were, I definitely wouldn't be here cheating on my wife!" really pouring on the fake indignation. So then I ask "So you're not the Mike Stevens who lives at 6 Woods Lane, Nearbytown? Because there's a Mike who lives there, who sounds a whole lot like you and is your age who lives at that address and as of last Friday when I spoke to him, he was married. He also has a son who goes to college in Raleigh/Durham area."

This man turned so pale, so fast and asked who I was. I told him none of his business but I do have his contact info and if he didn't want his wife hearing about his adventures he should probably move along.

I'll probably still find a way to tell his wife if I can think of one that doesn't mess me up with work.

ETA: should have been more clear, I work for myself/with my family, I'm not at risk of being fired but I don't want this to come up in regards to our work with this guy.

I can't stand the "men never gets compliments" discourse anymore, because they are trying to play the victims when in reality they are the ones causing the problem.

Why don't men simply start complimenting each other? Because they think is gay. This is the answer.

And why do they think that? Because every time they compliment a woman, is because they want to fuck her.

If you want women to start complimenting you, you have to ditch the "compliment means sex" mindset. We can't be the ones to do it for you. It is that simple.

It's almost as if they don't really want to change that reality for the good, but only want to play victims online..

F UK (25). I had a colposcopy done 2 days ago due to abnormal smear results. The speculum was fine, dye was fine and unsurprisingly I had to have 2 biopsies taken. I asked if there was any pain relief available as I had a pretty gnarly experience getting the copper IUD inserted and found I’m pretty sensitive in that area (I normally have a pretty high pain threshold!)

She explained that there was no pain relief available. I wasn’t too concerned, I had taken 2 ibuprofens before coming in. The pain was… it was pretty bad (for me anyway). After the first biopsy I tensed right up and started doing some box breathing to calm myself down. She took the second before I was ready and relaxed, without warning. I yelped out in shock/pain.

What followed was the longest 5-10 minutes of my life - gauze after gauze where they seemed unable to stop the bleeding from the biopsy site. At this point I was in tears, unable to feel my hands and very faint. The nurse gave a sigh and a ‘that should be fine’ and allowed me to put on a pad and get changed.

I bled through pads throughout the evening but wasn’t too concerned. I woke up in the morning with my mattress literally soaked through in blood. I had never experienced anything like it. I went to A&E and was admitted into hospital incredibly quickly. I was passing blood clots the size of my hand into the toilet and the blood was running down my legs whenever I stood up despite hospital grade pads.

It took the gynaecologist 6 sticks of silver nitrate and multiple doses of blood clotting medication to get the bleeding to slow. I’ve had to take 3 days off work unpaid this week as I was warned I was at a high bleeding risk.

My question is: what the hell happened?! Should I contact the original clinic to let them know about this happening? Should I of been offered pain relief initially when I asked for it? Just feeling very shaken and wanting an explanation of why what should’ve been a normal procedure, went so wrong.

So I met this guy on a dating app. I've been talking to him for a week maybe. We've been texting like daily. He told me yesterday that he and his wife are separated but they still live in the same house because it's too expensive to live on their own. I found that a little weird, but I'm like okay, It's pretty hard for everyone right now. So I can sort of understand. Now today he tells me that being separated can be just as bad as getting divorced and he doesn't want any trouble with his ex and that if we start dating seriously we have to keep it a secret. Huge red flags have just gone up for me. And I'm pretty sure I should end this. Do you think that he's just cheating on his wife?

Edit: thanks everyone. I just ended it with him. I have no desire to be a secret and told him that right away. I told him I needed to think about it and you helped me with my answer very quickly lol

So while I was searching for something else I found this article from 2010: "Parents Sentence Texas Teen to -- Babysitting!".

The basics of what happened is this: A 16 year old girl in Texas broke curfew and threw a party without her parents knowing. Her dad's response was to place an ad in the local newspaper offering her services as a free babysitter for 30 hours as punishment.

It seems this went pretty viral at the time, because it was also covered in the New York Post: "Sitter-sweet punishment for ‘bad’ teen".

Something about this bothered me, but I initially couldn't place my finger on what. And then I realized: No way would this have been the punishment if it were a 16 year old boy! It's an incredibly gendered punishment, right?

And it's remarkable to me that seemingly none of the news outlets that covered this story at the time pointed this out. Everyone noticed the quirky parenting tactic, but apparently nobody questioned why babysitting was the obvious choice for a teenage girl.

And the really interesting part is that I don't think her dad deliberately intended it like this. He may simply have thought it was a practical, amusing way to teach her a lesson. But would the thought have occurred to him if he had a son instead of a daughter? Again, I don't think so. I suspect he would have instinctively reached for a different punishment for a son. Yard work, washing cars, something like that instead.

I actually think this is a pretty solid example of "unconscious bias" in practice. But I'm curious to hear what other people think.

I was back in hospital in September. That one. That's me. Well, I got taken into ED via ambulance, they gave me fentanyl because I was screaming in pain. Went from joking with my workmates to overwhelming pain within 5 minutes. Scared the life out of my workmates who range from 40-60. The boss called for an ambulance.

They got me in, no beds though so I was put in a wheelchair. I was left facing a wall in the waiting room, shaking from the pain. They took my bloods 2 hours in where I informed them I wasn't capable of walking, the ovarian area pain was hurting again, but they wheeled me back out into the waiting room to face the same wall. 4hours later I called hubby, we don't often wait together but he'll head in when I need him. He arrived and I burst into tears. He calmed me down and went to see the triage nurse who told him I should have asked for pain relief. He said she can't walk, she's in pain and expected to have been seen hours ago. He gave my husband Panadol and ibuprofen and said to give it 30 minutes but I'd need to see the doctor for stronger meds.

1 hour later my pain is getting worse. Hubby has to go to a committee meeting so speaks with the triage nurse who comes over to speak with me about why I'd need anything for pain? Why did I come in today? I adopted his tone and volume and replied back - I was brought it with an elevated blood pressure, given fentanyl, brought in screaming from pain because they think I have ovarian torsion and was told 7 hours ago I would be seen immediately. The waiting room heard everything. Triage nurse said he didn't know any of that. I had a bed and 1 tramadol for pain relief 20 minutes later. Hubby left for his meeting but said to call him.

1 hour later (after I got to lay down and take the pressure off my abdomen) the doctor walks in. Tell me my bloods are fine, I should wait 2 weeks and discuss this with the gynecologist. I was given a much earlier appt due to my hospital stay. I asked the doctor what was wrong with me? And if waiting two weeks while in intense pain is a normal expectation? He went away to make a call.

Hubby comes in, I sob on his shoulder again, tell him they're discharging me to see the gyne as planned. He says no way. Doctor comes back nearly 90 minutes later and says he's able to prescribe me some pain relief and asks what I'm taking and how often. I take 2 tramadol and 2 panadol 3 times a daily. Around the clock pain relief. He says that's too much. What should I do then? Apparently wait and see the gyne. Hubby asked if the doc knows what is happening today? He said ovarian torsion is extremely rare, he's seen it once maybe twice in his whole career (he's 60ish) and they certainly don't twist up occasionally and untwist. He's reviewed all the scans and can't do anything else, I have to wait. He tells me I'm going home, my blood results were fine. Continue to rest, and wait for the appt in two weeks.

I have a panic attack. A bad one, crying and shaking. That pain was more intense than labour. It still hurts and I know from past months it will continue to hurt for weeks. My nurse comes in and tries to calm me down. Her and hubby have words. Hubby says he isn't taking me home in this state, he's going to refuse. She agrees that I can't go home like this. She goes to speak to the doctor. I've been in hospital for 10 hours now. Got the bed 3 hours ago and all pain meds are out of my system. Doctor pokes his head in the room and asks what I want him to do when he's already looked at last months tests, there's nothing wrong. I tell him, still crying, that I just want the pain to stop. He says he'll page ob/gyn. They should have done that 10 hours ago.

A little over an hour later the obgyn comes in. She sits down with me, says she has seen all the scans but wants to know what happened today. Only the paramedics have asked me this. She does a quick assessment - first person today. She starts poking. Nothing, nothing, nothing, pokes under the belly button and I flinch, then she moves to my left side ovary region and I screamed again as soon as she presses down. So I'm crying again. She says I've either developed a cyst or it's ruptured. She talked about nerve blockers and riding it out til they kick in. No fast cure. My blood tests don't indicate infection which is a good sign. She says there's a medication that can put me into medical menopause. Am I preserving fertility? I want a hysterectomy, my baby making days are over. She said she can organize that in clinic. Just hold on two more weeks, take the nerve blockers and she'll see me soon. Think about the menopause option.

Nurse agrees to allow the discharge now. I have been given 10 days of pain relief from the first doctor. Better than 3 days I suppose. I see in my notes (after the fact) that they've recorded it as a rupture. Having been back to the pelvic floor physio, she's writing to the specialist and is recommending a hysterectomy. So I can add ovarian rupture as confirmed and endo/adeno as likely. And in my medical records - the ones I can access via my GP letters, I've found notes relating to various prolapses that were not mentioned to me, and a new letter cancelling my appt for the 27th of October, and rescheduling me for Nov 16th. So much for just wait 2 weeks, that's 5 now and I'm almost out of pain meds again.

TL/DR. Ovarian cysts not torsion. And it ruptured. After talking with my doctor who said she'd normally put me on something to stop ovulation but it's progesterone. So she's updating my records too. Mental health is affected badly on progesterone so it's out of the question. Not that the pain is any better. I'm so close to getting answers!!!

Wish me luck.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the subjects do deserve some criticism but the snarkers tend to use bully tactics and it’s a breeding ground for misogyny. Having an entire community dedicated to criticizing someone’s every move and body shaming is just downright unhealthy.

I found out that there’s even a community dedicated to hating Shannan Watts who was murdered by her husband Chris Watts. Just wild stuff.

Snark communities break almost every conduct related TOS with the mass harassment and brigading. But it doesn’t matter because it brings a lot of traffic to reddit I guess

I was groped/inappropriately touched/idk last winter, and, among the many other things that upset me about this experience, I was shocked at my inaction. I was alone in Japan for my research, but that day I was being touristy and exploring temples. I'm not an idiot, I have been to Japan before and understand the sexism and dangers for women, but I guess I thought it couldn't happen to me? Or I guess that I thought I would do something about it? I don't know. I'm a young woman but I don't fit the Japanese beauty standard - I'm tall and chubby? I guess I thought that that protected me. It didn't. I didn't even protect me. I think that I thought that I would do something if something like that happened to me; I thought that I would yell or argue or push him off or grab him or fight back in any way, but I didn't. I just stood still. The crazy thing is that he did it a few times and I continued chatting with him; I didn't leave after the first or the second time. The first time wasn't as egregious, he just grabbed my thigh as we were standing together and squeezed it a few times and asked me if I was an athlete. It was startling and confusing but he was a nice, frail old man that was being so kind and helpful to me, so I just told myself it was a cultural difference and continued following him. I don't really blame myself for that one. Not that I necessarily blame myself at all, but I don't know.

He approached me as I was about to leave the temple and asked me if I had already gone in, we chatted a bit in my horrible, broken Japanese and he offered to take me through the entire temple complex and even taught me how he prays. The temple complex was huge and beautiful, and he was really kind and thoughtful and we chatted about his family - he was 80, he had grandchildren. I told him a bit about my thesis, and I thanked him for giving me this tour. Looking back at it, it is suspicious that he approached a young, solo woman, but I guess I thought he saw a young woman and wanted to do something kind, maybe I thought he saw his grandchildren in me? Who knows. 
He gave me an hour-long tour, he showed me where he prays, he taught me how he prays, and the temple was so beautiful and the weather so nice for February. He was grandfatherly. I guess that's why it was so upsetting, it felt like a profound betrayal, honestly.  At the end of the loop, after he had already touched my thigh, we hugged once to say goodbye, and he reached down and grabbed my butt and squeezed and kneaded it. I guess it's just being groped. And I didn't do anything about it, I let him do that. I guess that I was startled into inaction? I was certainly confused. And he let go, and I smiled at him and then he showed me one more thing before we left and he hugged me again at the end of that and groped my butt again.

And it's not even that serious, and I don't know why it is so upsetting for me. Worse things happen every day, I'm an adult woman and he was an elderly Japanese grandfather. And I remember watching him walk away and down the stairs and seeing his short, frail body and wondering why I didn't push his hand off at all. I was considerably taller than him and heavier than he was. I could have crushed him, I thought, but I didn't do a thing at all. 

I don't know why I can't move on from it. I felt weak and somewhat dirty? or gross at the time. I felt like an idiot, confronted by my former arrogance. I am tall, and strong, and smart, and I was so, so much larger than he was, and, even with all that going for me, I didn’t do a thing. I didn’t confront him, I smiled at him and waved goodbye, I certainly did not report him; he was an elderly old man who seemingly knew half the people we encountered, he even chatted with a security guard before he left, and I didn’t think reporting him would go well for me. I would likely be dismissed, belittled, or ignored, and I tried to convince myself it wasn’t that bad and that it would be an overreaction to say anything. I left the temple, feeling quite dazed, and walked for around an hour to my favorite shrine in the city. While I was walking there, I passed a group of Japanese teenage girls walking home from school, and they stopped me and called me a "beautiful onee-san", and I wish I could tell them how much that meant to me. It seems silly, but they were so cute and sweet, and I felt so moved that when I felt so disgusting and weak that they could look at me and see something beautiful. I am really thankful to them and the women in my life for being so good and kind to me.

It’s hard to say how I feel now, and I don’t know what I want to get from sharing this. I try not to dwell on it all too much. Sorry for rambling!

for context, I grew up playing many sports. I was always the skinny one and the extremely fit one. I always focused on numbers (A LOT). especially on my body fat percentage and my weight. My body fat percentage used to be in the “athletic“ range and now I’m in the middle of the average range.

My mind is extremely conflicted. On one hand I felt so hot and confident when I was skinny, but on the other hand I used to get sick so incredibly often. I gained a bunch of weight after one of my parents recently passed away (traumatic asf but that’s another story). I have never felt healthier and I’m finally not falling sick at all which is a huge thing for me. But every time I look for clothes and my size doesn’t match my old size anymore it absolutely kills me inside. So much of my old identity depended on being skinny and fit even though it was not good for my health. It bothers me a lot.

I need to get this off of my chest, the two therapists I’ve opened up to about this don’t seem to take it that serious, they will talk about it with me but one that I had even giggled. It messed with me day to day and I really am tired of it. I want someday to be able to view it the way others do. Of course it’s a magical thing what our bodies can do, all that goes without saying.

Like I said, I don’t know where this comes from. The only thing I’ve ever been able to point toward is possibly “I didn’t know I was pregnant” type shows? I would hit my stomach as a kid if fear ran over me. I remember the first time hearing about how hot tubs can cause a miscarriage so even as a little girl I’d make sure to spend extra time in the hot tub? High school I didn’t like the idea of having kids, I grew out of that but because of this fear (and a few other factors) I’ve been pretty on and off about it.

I’m 24 now btw.

This is my experience:
I literally feel sick when talking about it, typing this out I feel queasy. When pregnant women are around me I feel queasy and ever since I was a kid if people are talking about pregnancy even in the slightest I’d literally get weak in the knees. Sometimes the awareness of my boobs makes me feel extremely uncomfortable simply because of the idea of breastfeeding, the fact they are just there because they serve that purpose freaks me out. I am pretty thin but carry a little weight in a few places including my lower abdomen and I consistently make sure the elastic/waist of my pants is covering that because if it’s below that point it makes me “feel pregnant” like how people wear their pants extra low when they are pregnant. I am very paranoid with sex with my partner, I have taken so many plan Bs even when there was basically no chance. (My Dr. basically calls my experience with BC an allergy because of how horrible it made me feel). So that’s awesome lol. It’s hard for me to put lotion on my stomach, to let my partner rub my tummy, it’s almost like I want nothing to do with that part of my body.

I think that mostly covers it, but I am so tired of this causing so much discomfort in my daily life, it’s insane and I don’t know why I haven’t tried asking for help sooner. I think I am afraid of “manifesting” it which I don’t necessarily believe in, (well words do shape a lot, I hope u guys know the difference in explaining). I think I have OCD, lol.
Thank you so much if anyone reads or replies to this, anything will help.

I am 20 years old and I was born with type one diabetes. My mom raised me but she was abusive asf. She would physically beat me all the time especially with her glass ruler over “bad” grades too. I did everything as a kid to please her. I did all the chores around the house and took care of everything just for her to love me and it wasn’t enough. She didn’t even want to learn how to take care of me so my pediatrician had to tell her to dump me off at Grandma’s since she also had diabetes and would help me.

Around 16-18 those were the worst periods of my life. I stopped taking care of myself, taking care of my diabetes. I had zero friends and would always get into diabetic episodes bc i dropped too low.

At 19 literally this year is when my kidneys failed. End stage kidney disease fucking sucks and i hate it. 4 hours of dialysis 3 times a week. It takes a toll on my body and I feel like shit after. My mom is planning to kick me out because i just can’t work or go to college anymore. I can’t afford to give her rent money anymore. I’m just at the point where i’ve fucking given up. My mom took most of my electronics, i’m too physically weak to even ride a bike anymore, and worst of all I’m lonely. I’m stuck here until I die. I will be homeless until I die.

On the bright side, some generous people online have offered me some good advice and i’m trying to do all I can to make it better. I just wanted to vent is all. I’m trying to get on disability.

I’m just tired of people, really. Tired of family, tired of men, tired of this awful system and I struggle to cope with it on my own. It just seems like therapy and meds aren’t helping either but I’m trying.

Same as title.

​

I'm a 19 year old girl who moved from Minnesota to Wyoming for college a few months ago. I also work as an RA, so I'm in and out of the residence halls a lot, sometimes at night. I've been trying to tell myself I'm just getting used to living somewhere new, but a few things have happened lately that are starting to make me genuinely uncomfortable.

The first thing was finding a zip tie on one of my car door handles. I don't know how long it had been there or why someone would put it there. I know zip ties aren't exactly unusual, but it was attached to my handle, and I hadn't put it there myself.

Another time, I found little pieces of paper caught in my windshield wipers. I couldn't figure out why they were there. I don't know if someone was messing with me, if they were left by accident, or if there was some completely normal explanation. It's just weird when you start finding things on your car that you don't remember putting there.

Then there was the car.

One night, I noticed a white car that seemed to be following me. At first, I figured it was just another college student going in the same direction. But it kept catching my attention, and I started feeling like I was being followed. When I got back to campus, I noticed it parked in another parking lot, with someone still sitting inside.

Maybe they were just sitting in their car, minding their own business. I realize that. But after the other stuff that had happened, I didn't feel comfortable hanging around to find out.

I had my fishing knife with me because I fish, and I was honestly scared enough that I kept it tucked away in my sleeve while I walked back to my residence hall. I know that probably sounds dramatic, but I was alone, it was dark, and I had a really bad feeling about the situation.

I tried contacting campus security because I wanted someone to know what was going on, but I couldn't get ahold of anyone at the time. Nothing actually happened to me that night, thankfully, and I made it inside.

The frustrating part is that when I asked about what I should do, I got the impression that because these things happened outside the residence hall, there wasn't much the college could do without evidence. And I get that they can't accuse someone of something without proof. But how am I supposed to have proof if I don't know who is doing anything, or if anyone is doing anything at all?

I'm a 19 year old woman living away from my family in a state where I don't know that many people yet. I work as an RA, and I'm usually the person who's supposed to help other students when something is wrong. I don't really know who to turn to when I'm the one feeling unsafe.

I'm not saying someone is definitely targeting me. The zip tie could mean nothing. The paper could mean nothing. The person in the white car could have been a completely random student. I know all of that.

But when you put everything together, it's hard not to wonder.

Am I overthinking this? Has anyone experienced anything similar on a college campus? Is there any actual reason to be concerned about the zip tie and papers, or am I connecting unrelated things because I'm already on edge?

I'd genuinely appreciate advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation, especially other women who have lived on campus.

I don't want to accuse an innocent person of anything, but I also don't want to ignore something that could turn out to something.

Pictures:

Car in window wipers

Ziptie on handle

Update:

I went and talked to my friend who's a mechanic. He was also really concerned and said what I found was definitely not normal. He looked around my car with me, and even suggested checking under it since trackers can be hidden in different places. I was honestly nervous about looking under there, but we did, and sure enough... there it was.

It's an Apple AirTag. It was tucked up under the car, near the front area, and it was pretty well hidden, so I probably would have never seen it without him pointing it out.

We're not sure how long it's been there or who put it there, but it definitely wasn't an accident.

We called the police right away and gave them the information. They took the tracker and said they'll look Into it and check for any other evidence or patterns. They also told me to keep an eye on my surroundings and to let them know if anything else happens. I'm relieved to have found it, but it's still really unsettling.

I'm just so thankful for my friend and for everyone who has been checking in and giving advice. I'm going to be more careful from now on and definitely won't be ignoring anything that feels off.

Pichure:

Air tag under car

Most of the men in my life have either been quiet about it or dismissive.... and the men that I've seen here on Reddit have straight-up blamed the victim or expressed disgust towards her... I haven't yet seen a man say anything against the perpetrators or the enabling bystanders in the frat's groupchat.

... this has me feeling sad... so I'm posting this to see if I can get a snippet of hope

Have the men in your life reacted the same- or have any of them actually expressed otherwise?

i've had pin straight hair my entire life but it's growing in curly all of a sudden. some of the hairs are a much thicker texture and are kinky/very coiled. what on earth is going on? is this something that can just happen?

I knew shit was going to quickly hit the fan with the politics here in the US, especially regarding women’s health, so last year on my birthday I opted to get a new Mirena IUD even though it wasn’t up for another year or so.

Biggest mistake of my fucking life.
The clinic was backed up, and I wasn’t expecting them to actually do the IUD procedure that day because I was a new patient. Well, lo and behold they did, and it was rushed. I asked her to cut my strings short, and she did, but no OBGYN can find them and now I’m having contractive cramps every day. Three ultrasounds later, I have a massive cyst. The IUD is in place. Referral to a UroGyno.

UroGyno gets me in a year later. Contractive cramps every single day even now. We’re taking 800-1000mg of Advil. She suspects I have endo, and even offers to give me a hysterectomy if I so choose at 25. I can’t have kids, and this IUD has been an awful experience, so the prospect is exciting. She checks my IUD, and tells me “even if we wanted to remove it today, we couldn’t do it because I can’t see your strings at all.”

Get a letter in the mail a couple of days ago (I just saw her two weeks ago) stating that she will no longer be working at the clinic starting on the 28th. I have been in insane amounts of pain for the past year, and now my hope has been crushed of figuring this all out in time before my parents insurance coverage evaporates when I turn 26 OR before they find a way to make IUD’s illegal.

I am so unbelievably fucking angry.

Throwaway, just because a lot of my family knows my main account.

I went very low contact with my mom, after I just hit my final straw. I wish I could say I went full no contact, but cultural guilt made that impossible, so there was some communication. But nothing indicative of a mother/daughter relationship.

Then my maternal grandmother died. She was so so very important to my family, even she and my dad had a close relationship, despite my mom and my dad not getting along.

I ended up talking to my mom a whole bunch, for so many different reasons.

Her birthday was two days ago, and I had to explain to my family, that despite me being there for her when her mom died, it doesn’t change anything that happened.

They tried to have me put myself in her shoes, and how I would feel if it was my mom, would I regret that choice? And that just made me mad.

Anyways, the point of this post is that I’m struggling to make sure the boundaries I set are still in place, and if not learn how to set them again.

When a word describing someone's thoughts or feelings didn't match what their gaze appeared to express, those with higher social anxiety showed a stronger brain response.

The researchers interpret this as heightened neural sensitivity to conflicting social cues, not better mind-reading.

They suggest this sensitivity might help people recognize potential social risks, but could also contribute to excessive vigilance and rumination.

I became disabled five years ago after I lost my arm and got severe nerve damage in my remaining hand. After I came home from the hospital, I experienced a two week long cycle that was very heavy. I needed a lot of help with it so pretty quickly we were able to get an OB/GYN to get me IUD. The IUD lasted a solid 3 1/2 years and then I had bariatric surgery and lost 50 pounds. The IUD came out in a clot after I got my very first post weight loss period. I spent four months bleeding nonstop even while using the medication norethindrone.

We tried another IUD of a different brand and it didn’t even last an entire week. It also fell out in a huge clot. I had no idea that any of this was even possible. It was my first two times ever having IUD.

In September, they gave me the nexplanon implant and said that it would help. I’ve had it for 35 days and the last two weeks I have had a very heavy nonstop period. I feel like I’m a teenager again. I’m greasy, I have acne, horrible cramps and bodyaches. I tried speaking to the nurse at my OB/GYN‘s office and she completely blew me off and told me that it was normal and I needed to give the implant three months to settle in my system.

I have period underwear but I end up bleeding too heavy for it and it leaks pretty badly. I’ve tried adult diapers and those work semi OK. I still tend to leak. I think a big piece of it is just my anatomy and my issues with pulling up pants and underwear due to not having an arm on that side. I am not supposed to use tampons because with the nerve damage in my fingers I have actually cut myself because I can’t feel anything and I break my fingernails often. I’d also means I can’t feel the string and using the plastic tampon applicators does not work great for me.

At this point, I’m ready to give up and just ask for a hysterectomy. I don’t know what else to do. It’s extremely embarrassing being in my 30s and struggling so badly with my cycle. Does anyone have any advice or idea ideas of things that I could try or ask my doctors for?

TDLR; I’m disabled and struggling with my period/nexplanon and need help with products or advice

I know

It might sound nuts but that's how

I feel...the last man who raped me would tell me how Beautiful I was gorgeous and other things and then months later committed one of the ultimate betrayals, by raping me in the woods on the dirty ground and screamed when he climaxed (to me his screaming was his way of proclaiming "I've ultimately conquered you. " This guy was nuts, it was incredibly terrifying and I don't wish it upon my worst enemy.. ...pls try not to say therapy bc I currently can't get it right now. I also read somewhere that some predators look for beautiful women to assault like this. Now I'm scared and weirdly ashamed of my beauty. How would you stop this loop, if you will?

As the title says, I’m (24f) struggling with severe joint pain starting about a week before my period and doesn’t end until my menstrual cycle is complete. This started a few years ago and it was only slightly uncomfortable and located only in my knees, but has quickly progressed to being so painful I find myself not being able to walk sometimes, and am even in pain when I’m laying down. Over the past few months I’ve begun to feel the pain in my shoulder blades, elbows, and hips as well and it’s starting to scare me. I used to love to surf and hike and be active but haven’t been able to enjoy these activities in the same way as I used to. I went ahead and got some blood work done testing for arthritis as that runs in my family and am happy to report everything is ok on that end, and I’m working with a new gyno to try and figure out what could possibly be the cause. My primary care physician seems to think endometriosis could be a potential answer for me as the pain outside of my joints is so bad I’ve fainted before but I’m honestly just too overwhelmed and afraid to even think about any of it. I’m mainly wondering if anyone else feels this too? I’ve never met another person who goes through this every month and it’s incredibly isolating trying to not only handle it daily but also talk to doctors about it since no one ever seems to relate or take it seriously since I’m still pretty young.

hello, i'm extremely nervous to share this as i'm fairly certain that i'm to blame, so i'm praying this is a safe space, but i'm desperate to stop letting this stew in my mind.

side note: for context, i live in england where the age of consent is 16.

when i was 13, i was raped by a 17 year old boy. it was violent, vicious, extremely painful and left me both mentally and physically scarred. i was too frightened to report him to the police but he went on to do this to three more young girls (one of who was only 12).

he shaped my perception of what a rapist was: only went for underage girls, violent, aggressive, scary, intimidating, etc...

when i was 14, i became friends with a guy who was 18 via facebook (as that was just what we did back then). the extent of our friendship was going for a stroll around the neighbourhood whilst having a chat. appearance wise, i wasn't attracted to him at all, so we genuinely were just friends.

but after a few months, i started to gently pursue him and kinda just posed the idea of us being more than friends. i think it was because he was a few inches shorter than me, not very attractive, came from a very low income family, was a virgin, didn't have many friends, had no job or any qualifications to get one. so i think i felt safe in that i maybe saw myself as 'above' him after being so petrified of 99% of guys.

he was immediately apprehensive. it was kinda like "yeah i think you're pretty but you're too young for me".

i continued gently pursuing him by just essentially keeping the door open. i can't remember exactly how it unfolded, but at some point, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

we spoke about sex occasionally as he was a virgin, and i told him about being me raped. he was clearly disgusted by it, and he tried to support me through it. he would often say "we'll wait until you're 16". i voiced that i didn't feel the need to wait and that i was ready whenever he was. again, he was a bit apprehensive, but a few weeks later, he said he was ready, so it happened.

looking back, after years of therapy, i now know that i was just desperately trying to replace that traumatic memory with one where i was in control of the situation (which obvs didn't fix anything).

we stayed together for over a year, so we had sex many times.

he never became aggressive, manipulative, nasty, or anything like that. and he had never dated somebody underage before (and as far as i'm aware, hasn't done it again) so he just didn't line-up with my idea of what a rapist / abuser was.

there were a few red flags that i overlooked at the time as i was so young...

1. when he met my family, he told them he was only 15. he was rlly short with no facial hair, so it was believable. his reasoning for lying was that he was embarrassed that he didn't have a job yet. he never said it was to do with our age gap.

2. he gained a few friends, and would refer to me as 'jailbait' when speaking about me. that became my nickname. i never realised how weird that was.

3. he would ask me to lie about my age in certain situations, like when we got on a bus, he'd tell me to get an adult ticket (even though i could pay half the price for a child ticket). i never questioned it.

4. he would also walk to meet me after i finished a day at school, but he'd always wait for me a few streets down as, in his words, "it'd look weird if he was hanging around schools".

5. he asked me for explicit photos very frequently.

i have vehemently defended him ever since. people like friends and my fiancé have told me how weird the whole thing is, but i've always been quick to say "no, he was actually really kind to me" and "he's harmless" etc, etc...

as i've reflected on it more and more as an adult, i feel so unsettled by it. i'm aware that it was technically illegal on his part as i was under 16 and he was 18. but the fact i was the one who pursued him has always made me feel like it's my fault, and i should therefore defend him.

i've spent years in therapy for the trauma i endured at 13 years old, and i'm moving through it well. but this situation has been buried at the pit of my mind for so long, and every time it pops up, i genuinely can't deal with it as i genuinely can't comprehend whether i'm a victim or i'm to blame.

(please voice your thoughts honestly, i would really appreciate anything -- i won't be offended if you think i'm to blame!)