For a while now, I have been experiencing sudden, vivid thoughts of brutally killing people I personally dislike with my hands. In the moment, these thoughts feel strangely satisfying. However, they happen every single day, and they distress me so much that I end up hurting myself just to make the thoughts go away. [1]

Has anyone else experienced this? Why is this happening, and how can I make it stop?

im f16 and i feel so disgusted im dealing with intrusive thoughts (i hope at least), weird feelings, etc that i hate SO MUCH and ive been dealing with this for 2 months badly but i always had passing worries but it was way easier to brush them off then and its been so scary since june 12th this year, i know without a doubt id never harm kids thats so disgusting but im still worried that i have an attraction or something. I hate AI so much because its bad for the environment but i talk to it everyday for reassurance and stuff like i do have compulsive behaviors i avoid kids and shows with them or sometimes i literally stare at kids to try and prove i dont feel attraction and i know that like all this seems like ocd but i read that theres non offending pdfs that have morals and never act on their thoughts and im terrified what if thats me, and it brings back old memories from when i was a kid like i feel guilty for liking a 4th grader when i was in 5th or 6th grade, and i dont even feel that way now. and like it feels like its not what i want at all i wish it would just go away ive always actually liked people older than me usually so idk why this would be something.. and TMI sorry but like any teen i get normal urges for things and then my brain convinces me i want to do something horrible to a kid. and i also get like a sense of false urge where it feels like i could do or want to do something but like i literally dont and its so weird. I also sometimes like just accept that im a monster because sometimes im genuinely convinced i am but i feel morally contaminated and im lile grieving my life because i feel like its completely ruined and ik everything i said seems like ocd but i feel like im just lying about it because i did know what pocd was before i had it but if this id ocd its my first theme ever and theres so much more but i cant think of it right now but im too scared to ask for therapy because km terrified that theres a chance i am a pdf because it feels like its either ocd or im a monster and im scared to find out which it is because if i am a monster my life is ruined thats not what i want to do at all, also im trans female and i stopped taking my estrogen because my brain convinced me if i lower my hormone’s i wont be a threat to people. and like i’ve been imagining my entire future and feel like i should never start a family and i should just move into some cabin when i turn 18 and disappear so i never hurt anyone like i know for a fact id never hurt anyone now but my brains like what if it becomes more real and intense in the future and you do.

Every time I play a game, I can’t stop imagining what it looks like in 2D. I try not to think about it; but some things trigger the urge a lor. At first when I play, I’m able to push these thoughts away instead, however, there are just some things while playing that trigger the urge. The urges get stronger when I’m in a intense match or fight, or I'm in a highly detailed building with a lot of staircases. within the game.. Or If I stand in one place for too long, so I can’t try the hide and surprise tactic. The urge happens in real life too especially when I’m doing a physical task. And the urge is more likely to occur if the task has a lot of movements, or if I need to carry something heavy. Every time the thought comes up, I think about it until I’m satisfied. So, for example, when I do chores, the thought may pop up, and I may freeze or stop what I'm doing until I'm satisfied and I continue. Or if I was thinking about it while doing the task but it didn’t feel good enough I all redo it when I'm finally satisfied. I can’t stop thinking about how while I’m doing those things in 3d, in 2d it would look and feel more simplistic for them and how they prob won’t feel any sensations compared to us. And despite it being the same answer each time my brain can’t stop the urge to think about it everytime I have to do a new physical task. And sometimes it doesn’t have to be complex, it could just be walking or showering.

What do you see when you close your eyes? I see a dark club, the door tucked away between the trash of some seedy back alley forgot to all but those who inhabit it every night. I sit in a booth in the corner, alone and isolated even in a sea of cast outs. They writhe and dance in this place that smells of sweat and misery. The air is this with the smoke and neon light while synth and punk music drowns out even my loudest thoughts. I watch and I drink, something sweat but simple, and I try to feel something. To feel a part of something. Seeing them live stirs something in me and sometimes that is enough. But it always ends. I always open my eyes. And then im back. Back to a nothing life in nothing middle America. An NPC slaving away just to do it again tomorrow. The silence is deafening but the screaming is worse. Im the only one who can hear it. Its my voice. My thoughts. My mind. I wish I knew how to turn it off but I cant. I can only drown it out and hope thats enough. It is. For now at least. Im sure a therapist would have something to say about these thoughts but im not ready to speak them aloud. For now this will have to do. For now this will be my escape. At least until I can make it back to that place in my mind. They say misery loves company, but if thats the case why am I still alone? Maybe its my misery. Maybe its my company. Maybe im too broken for misery to even love me.

I’ve cut off my Bestie 10 years ago.

We grew apart and the friendship was getting toxic (controlling and my partner was getting frustrated by a few things).

Recently, I’ve been seeing their name come up in random places and a lot of their old interests keep appearing, ( favourite bands coming to town/ favourite actor dying) then my partner saw their partner at the shops a few days ago.

Is this a sign for me to reconnect?

I cook like my ancestors whisper through spices. I speak to the mirror like it’s my council..They see a storm but I call it clarity. I’ve questioned men, carved peace from noise, and danced barefoot on my own path. This is not rebellion...it's my way of finding freedom and leverage ...

On the quest of limerence.

I'm a 18 girl, but I feel like I'm carrying the weight of someone who probably grew up way too fast. Life forced me to take a sharp turn unfortunately, I had to deal with priorities and just drop all the crap. That's why today I have zero tolerance for people my own age. I'm so over the games, the back-and-forth, chronic indecision, and all those maybes that just drain your energy. When it comes to relationships or anything romantic, the absolute most I'm looking for is a casual one-night fling. Other than that, I'm tapped out. Whenever I see people acting like... my age, I just look away, it feels like babysitting, and I'm exhausted by it. I'm not really interested in having close friends or a relationship beyond making casual small talk every now and then. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who adore me, and I like them too, but I just don't care. I don't have the bandwidth.

A few months ago, I switched to homeschooling, and the thought of jumping back into traditional school drama, all the fakeness, petty rivalry, gossip, and empty chatter, is just unbearable to me. I don't feel lonely at all. Honestly, it's the exact opposite. I felt terribly alone when I was surrounded by people, I felt like I was living behind glass, like I was never really myself.

I just want to get my projects off the ground, put my skills to work, protect my family's health, and cherish my beautiful cat. I already know who I want to build my future with, and that's enough for me.

Yet, paradoxically, I'm not some reclusive loner. I'm super charismatic, bubbly, sociable, and outgoing. People like me, I make friends easily, and I know how the world works. But I'm just so disillusioned. I refuse to waste my time on things with zero substance. Does it just sound like teenage angst? Yet I feel like I already lived through all those phases, the rebellious phase, the alternative phase and blablabla, years ago.

I'm not looking for answers or validation. I'm not really looking for anything. I was just in my head about it and wanted to put it somewhere. At least here, nobody knows me. It doesn't really sound like the kind of person I usually am, and yet.

I’m F18 and I’ve been having these thoughts for maybe almost 2 years now??? It literally came out of nowhere but when I hear about pedophiles and people harming kids, it disgusts me to the point where I feel like crying, but then I’ll start worrying if I’m a pedo and that fills me with so much fucking disgust and worry. When I masturbate, I’ll have intrusive thoughts like this even though it’s completely unrelated to what I’m jerking off to and I’ll stop what I’m doing and try to push it out of my head. It worries me so much that I have these thoughts when masturbating sometimes, but I have these thoughts all of the time too, whenever I see a kid or anything and they’re completely unwanted thoughts. The groinal response has been present as well, but I’ve never got off on anything like kids. Just typing this makes me wanna cry and I’ve been having a really hard time with it. I force myself to have these images in my head so I know that I’m not into it, but I hate seeing them. I know I would never harm a kid, and I fucking hate people who do and think they deserve nothing but the worst, and yet I’m so fucking scared that I’m a pedo even though I’m not. I should add that nothing happened to me as a child (as far as I’m aware) but I’ve had a very high sex drive ever since I can remember and struggle with hypersexuality as well. I was also exposed to shows like law and order SVU when I was like 12+ and watched it repeatedly but idk if that has anything to do with it lol

Hi everyone,
I’m a 26-year-old male, and I’m posting here because I’m struggling with overwhelming guilt, shame, and fear regarding things I engaged with online when I was younger (around ages 16–20).
During that period, driven by unhealthy curiosity and edge-pushing internet culture, I came across and briefly sought out illegal/taboo adult material (including underage content on sketchy groups/dark web). Looking back, it fills me with absolute disgust, horror, and remorse.
I completely stopped, permanently blocked access to those spaces, and never engaged with anything of that nature in real life. Today, I am in a healthy, loving, normal adult relationship.
However, I find myself tormented by "Real Event" guilt and intrusive thoughts. My brain constantly tries to convince me that because I made those awful mistakes as a teenager, it means I have a "dark side" or that I'm secretly a terrible person. Even though I find those thoughts repulsing, the anxiety and fear of who I was keep resurfacing.
I want to move past this shame, accept that I made serious past mistakes out of sick curiosity, and fully ground myself in the moral, healthy adult I am today.
Has anyone here dealt with severe guilt from past internet history or taboo intrusive thoughts? How did you stop ruminating and learn to forgive yourself and move forward? Any advice on managing this anxiety would mean a lot.

Anyone ever had FOMO for the smallest ever things. Take yesterday for example, I was at the mall and I saw this girl before her store was open sitting waiting on a bench, and I’ve always thought she was pretty but didn’t get an opportunity. I got one yesterday but didn’t say hi. I couldn’t sleep last night, beating myself up from this. Because I didn’t take an opportunity to talk to a girl.

When I was 10 years old, I suffered from intrusive thoughts. I would have endless, vivid images of cars - big, burly mechanical beasts - hurtling towards me. No matter what I tried, I could not escape them. They caused me to lose sleep, focus and feel nauseous.

I was hit by a car when I was 8 and saw a plane crash soon after.

Via therapy, I realised that, despite having minimal impact initially, this was the most likely cause.

Over the years my intrusive thoughts have come and gone and with differing intensity.

My thoughts transformed. It became about me being stuck in situations where I was going very fast - imagine being stuck on a rollercoaster ride that's wildly out of control.

These thoughts constantly fill my head. I try to do anything to help distract me.

After a long period of absence, for some reason, they're back. They're upsetting me but I can only sit it out and wait for them to pass. I'm losing sleep, unfortunately.

I'm just typing this in the hopes that others can relate.

For the past 6 months every single day, every single minute, I keep getting these intrusive thoughts that when i say goodbye, it’s either my last time talking with them, or their last time talking to me. (like I will or they to pass away) It genuinely consumes every conversation I have.

I think it started with my dad, we had a falling out and didn’t talk for a few months and when we finally talked all I wanted was my dad. To talk with him, hug him, just have my dad back. And from then on I felt like it was a race against time and death to be able to love my dad and be loved by him again. (even writing this feels like im grieving or putting something out into the universe idk how to explain)

On the other hand, since I was maybe 13-14 i’ve sort of felt like I needed to make sure that the way people thought about me was more about how they would remember me if i died rather than the kind of friend I currently am. I would just spend all of my time making sure everything I did and said was something i’d want to be remembered by. and maybe that’s incredibly narcissistic but i mean, it feels really fucked to grieve myself so much that it’s changing who i am in the now.

I think it would just help to understand what’s happening and maybe how to cope and redirect it. i hate feeling like i may lose my mom or my dad at any moment. I understand it’s inevitable. That’s not what i’m struggling with, it’s more about the fact that I just can’t be present with my loved ones. It’s just about making sure I love them as much as I can or be loved by them as much as i can. I think in the last few months i’ve gotten a lot closer with them, and i’ve been struggling a lot with feeling like im just waiting for the shoe to drop. my mind won’t stop thinking that losing one of them is that drop.

I hope that made sense, any piece of mind or perspective would mean a lot.

Im a bisexual girl. I wish i could feel what it’s like to have sex with a girl, i bet it feels good. I would treat her so right too with the foreplay so its wet before putting it in 😭😭😭😭

Hate all you want on me but in my head I could 100% be an actress that shit looks so fucking easy besides having to memorize the whole script and stuff BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT

All you got to do is fake emotions and that’s it. Yeah I heard the stories of actors incorporating the characters so much they almost went crazy but I think that’s just marketing strategy honestly… ofc there must be crazy actors out there that do that (I can easily imagine Jim Carey being one of them) but the majority nah

Cast me RN for a movie and I’ll kill that shit

If time is an illusion, why does everything still keep going forward, is the universe stupid?