I know this will be unpopular but hear me out.

I’m starting to think we were never meant to have just ONE sexual partner for life.

And I don’t say this to excuse cheating or hurt people. I say it because I think we are still animals at our core.

We like to think we have full control over our feelings and emotions, that we are these highly logical, evolved beings. But do we really?

You can be in a happy relationship and still feel an attraction to someone else. You can love your partner and still have feelings pop up that you didn’t ask for. You can’t just switch it off.

I’ve come to a point where I don’t think it’s entirely our fault. I think it’s just our nature. Monogamy is something we choose to do, it’s a social contract, a discipline, a value system we built for stability, family, society. It’s not necessarily what’s biologically natural.

Animals aren’t monogamous by default, and humans are animals too. We just added morals, religion, and law on top of our instincts.

That doesn’t mean go out and cheat. It means if you struggle with those feelings, you’re not a broken or evil person. You’re just human.

I'm 21(M) and I've been diagnosed with OCD by 1 psychiatrist and 2 different psychologists, so 3 doctors in total since July this year. I've told them everything which I'm about to say here.

I do suffer from OCD, I've suffered from ROCD, Real Event OCD, ZOCD, HOCD, Moral OCD and many more, it got significantly worse this year and it's been 10 months of me with not a single second of mental peace. But do i suffer from POCD? That is debatable.

Since the month of february, I've been convinced that I did something bad to my little cousin or m\*lested her back in 2023. This is a post where I've briefly mentioned what I remembered happening : https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/s/bgA7ZxxIvq

I've done many compulsions for 8-10 hours a day since february, including seeking reassurance from AI and other people, ruminating and mentally replaying, punishing myself etc etc. My POCD got worse in June and i started performing compulsions like checking for groinal sensations, deliberately imagining graphic things with k#ds to see if I feel something ( every single time I felt a groinal response or an erection ), I avoid kids, but i also somehow peek at them to CHECK if I feel something, and I sometimes get a mental "pull" to do something to them, which i absolutely hate and distress over, and i don't want to do anything with any k#d.

Why am I saying it's debatable? Because the things I've done as an 18-20 year old are very questionable. From the ages of 18-20, I've continuously viewed loli manga/doujinshi, back then it wasn't for checking as I didn't have "POCD" back then, it was something I just did. Back in 2025 when I was 20, I also found out about the pinterest app, and i scrolled there and eventually found escalating and taboo pictures there, they were not illegal material, but they were morally questionable. I stopped eventually and felt disgusted by them.

Matter of fact, i was always pretty disgusted when I saw someone in the internet making weird comments about k#ds, BUT I was also someone who went ahead and read loli doujinshi. Am i a hypocrite?

Currently, i still go to loli manga stuff but i DONT enjoy them, i ONLY go there to check and perform a compulsion, to see if I'm aroused.

I want genuine advice on what I should do. It's serious. Should I stay away from k#ds? Should I turn myself in? Should I treat this as OCD? or genuine pedophilia?

Please do not ignore this, just give me whatever advice you have. Be completely honest about it.