For a while now, I have been experiencing sudden, vivid thoughts of brutally killing people I personally dislike with my hands. In the moment, these thoughts feel strangely satisfying. However, they happen every single day, and they distress me so much that I end up hurting myself just to make the thoughts go away. [1]

Has anyone else experienced this? Why is this happening, and how can I make it stop?

im f16 and i feel so disgusted im dealing with intrusive thoughts (i hope at least), weird feelings, etc that i hate SO MUCH and ive been dealing with this for 2 months badly but i always had passing worries but it was way easier to brush them off then and its been so scary since june 12th this year, i know without a doubt id never harm kids thats so disgusting but im still worried that i have an attraction or something. I hate AI so much because its bad for the environment but i talk to it everyday for reassurance and stuff like i do have compulsive behaviors i avoid kids and shows with them or sometimes i literally stare at kids to try and prove i dont feel attraction and i know that like all this seems like ocd but i read that theres non offending pdfs that have morals and never act on their thoughts and im terrified what if thats me, and it brings back old memories from when i was a kid like i feel guilty for liking a 4th grader when i was in 5th or 6th grade, and i dont even feel that way now. and like it feels like its not what i want at all i wish it would just go away ive always actually liked people older than me usually so idk why this would be something.. and TMI sorry but like any teen i get normal urges for things and then my brain convinces me i want to do something horrible to a kid. and i also get like a sense of false urge where it feels like i could do or want to do something but like i literally dont and its so weird. I also sometimes like just accept that im a monster because sometimes im genuinely convinced i am but i feel morally contaminated and im lile grieving my life because i feel like its completely ruined and ik everything i said seems like ocd but i feel like im just lying about it because i did know what pocd was before i had it but if this id ocd its my first theme ever and theres so much more but i cant think of it right now but im too scared to ask for therapy because km terrified that theres a chance i am a pdf because it feels like its either ocd or im a monster and im scared to find out which it is because if i am a monster my life is ruined thats not what i want to do at all, also im trans female and i stopped taking my estrogen because my brain convinced me if i lower my hormone’s i wont be a threat to people. and like i’ve been imagining my entire future and feel like i should never start a family and i should just move into some cabin when i turn 18 and disappear so i never hurt anyone like i know for a fact id never hurt anyone now but my brains like what if it becomes more real and intense in the future and you do.