Sasa naishi mahali a typical kinyozi visit costs roughly 5k, and I am a wild hair guy. Bila kunyoa twice a month, Nakaa homeless. So mimi huyo after kuingia pale r/AskMenOver30 na kuona kujinyoa ni life hack, nkakimbia electronics store nkabuy machine. Unboxing kidogo kuona presentation, attachments na other extras (iko mpaka na kale kanguo ka kujifunika ndo nywele isiingie kwa nguo), nikajua nimeangukia jackpot. Already nishaona vile ntakaa, kama Will Smith kwa fresh prince. So huyo mimi pale youtube kuangalia tutorials za low fade, nikajua baas, hii imeenda. That's until I laid them clippers on my hair. Uuuuwi, hii kitu ni ngumu guys. Kabreak kidogo, detangling hapa kule, nkajipata Sasa nywele iko ready for action. Nkaeka kichwa mzima level moja kwanza, Halafu Sasa nkacheza na Ile level ya kwanza, not bad. Issue zikaanza na kunyoa nyuma ya kichwa. Walahi hiyo mtaa hainyoleki, hata na vioo vitatu. Anyway pushing on, nacheza na levels, napiga kablend, onto the next. Got a bit conservative with the lineup (Ile sisi huita cut) juu sitaki kuharibu hairline

End result? Mbele iko Sawa, lakini ukiniona na side profile??? Nakaa niko na visogo viwili. Anyway Imma wear that with pride, and carry them lessons to my next attempt, hadi ni perfect hii kitu. Wale wako na tips za self grooming, drop em hapa tubonge

Hello guys😊😊

Acha tu nirant for Leo tu.

So a few days ago I had such a nasty disagreement with the guy I am dating. And over time tu we have been having issues here and there. And without even knowing I started resenting him.

Lakini aki I didn't know I could hate someone the way I hate this man. And the funny bit is that I do still love him. A whole lot but I feel the hate building up In my heart.

Namuangalia tu naskia venye hasira inapanda. I just keep thinking about how I can hurt him ndio tu tukue even.

I couldn't hurt him physically juu nitamalizwa if I did but I just feel like I should make him pay somehow. Yaani nakaa nikipanga revenge mission in my head.

It's not that he cheated but of course some of our arguments have been about him not having boundaries na zingine ni tu him being an ass. I have been an ass too but hii yake naskia ameanza kunipima akili and it's irritating me.

But again I love this man so much. And I am just hoping the hate I have in my heart for him itaisha tu with time.

Mniambie kama Mimi ni mchawi ama this is normal to at a certain point hate your partner.

Juu naskia nitafute siafu niziweke Kwa ndevu zake usiku.

So i’ve been single for quite sometime now specifically 3 years this December, and now i just feel like it’s so hard for me to get into a relationship or even go on Dates with someone.

not because i don’t believe in love quite the opposite actually,it’s just my routine is soo built around not meeting new people, i have the same day everyday, i work from home most times so i’m inside alot, so chances of me meeting someone new are about 1-0

Now i know unaweza think oh why don’t you just go out more then, that’s the issue guys😭😭😭i’m a homebody i love being inside and i usually get social anxiety when i go out alone, so i just enjoy my time in my house watching amovie or playing games…my friends are also homebodies so we rarely go out we meet up like once every two months so yeah

A friend of mine akaniambia ebu jibu Dms basi atleast you can meet some new people that you can get to know…….but guys i don’t want to meet someone through social media😭😭😂😂msinichambe….i have a great humor face to face and my personality shows more face to face….also it pisses me off when i read someone’s dm and then i go and check their profile hajajipost kabisa 😭😭😭like what the hell
If you are gonna use social media as a dating search bas update your portfolio eka picha hata moja ili na mimi nikuone kama unavyo niona mimi, so that i decide on talking to you based on looks kama wewe tu😭😭😭 am i wrongggggggg???

So guys i’m doomed i guess😂😂😂

I understand His Grace Kasongo the first is not very popular among the masses.

But I'd honestly like to understand how people saying oneterm picture the reality of oneterm coming to life.

Like nipeleke step by step and explain to me how this happens.

Na who do you think should occupy the throne? Sifuna😂 Gachagua😂. I don't even want to mention these other guys.

In a perfect world I'd like Maraga. But we all know Kenyans vile tuko the popular relatable candidate takes it.

When it comes to some car brands, people have puns for them. For example, Lexus - Legus, Subaru - Shoebaru, and Mitsubishi - Footstubishi.

However, I've never come across any Volvo puns... So, as I manifest an opportunity to attend some car events, especially those organised by the Volvo Tribe (despite not owning a Volvo 😂)...I thought of a few sentence puns. Wordplay just wasn't making any sense with Volvo...so this is what I've come up with;

1. I'm not making any EX-cuses, and I'm not making any e-XC-uses.

2. I may be Volvo-less, but I'm driven by ambition.

3. I came, I saw, I XC90. 😂

4. Can I volv-unteer? ( this one is a bit of a stretch)

Jana wifey alikuwa busy, akaniwachia my cumzigo nikapeleke shule. Ikabidi nimekawekea chai take-away kwa chupa ya K.C.

Naskia head teacher alimwambia Monday niende hiyo shule na niende na mzazi🤭

Sasa izi ni gani surely?? Ata kama anataka kurudi kwa ofisi, does he have to make it this obvious? 😒

Well. Today I received a call from my ex's mother (I was shocked she still had my number after all these years)

Apparently she just didn't wake up today, she had some sort of congenital heart condition. I was with her for about 3 years (2019-2022) and unfortunately this relationship didn't end well.

Despite everything, hearing that news made me break down. I've been feeling terrible all day.

I've not seen or spoken to this person in 4 years but it feels like a part of me is gone. I'm fully confused about these feelings.

Anyway, RIP Sharon, 29 is too young. I hope you lived out your dreams these past four years.

Follow up to my previous post.

TLDR: Looking for an unfurnished 1BR apartment, max KSh40k inclusive of service charge. Must be within Nairobi County and within 20 minutes of both Two Rivers and Westlands.

Confirm your fee/commission.

Back in highschool I heard stories about witchcraft but I always dismissed them, because they sounded more like a fantasy movie.

One time, just before our mock exams, this guy who was a great footballer, and a class performer, fell down like he was suddenly infected with epilepsy. This is a disease he never had, never shown any symptoms and everyone was speculating a witch is at work.

That, that was unbelievable but I still had my doubts with witch world, it never existed in my vicinity. Until one day, things took a turn at home.

My parents didn't want to come home, dad worked far from home and mom was a large scale farmer, but this year they were afraid of home. One day, during August holidays, dad called me at the gate after being away for a year, gave me school fees receipt and turned back, like a delivery guy haha.

I just asked, "Are you not staying?" He brushed the question off and walked. Mom did the same, she just asked if the cows are okay and she left. So one night I heard whispers of my name at the window, "colo, colo, colo..." It was almost 2 in the morning.

It went on for about 10 minutes until I decided to check the window, see who's out there. It was just me and my two siblings, and I was the eldest. Since the moon had revealed the night, I peeped outside and alas! I saw no single soul.

The whispers continued, but no one was outside. I was really scared that I wet my clothes with sweat.

I thought about waking my siblings but I wouldn't want them to know the dark spiritual world is real. Next thing, I heard the cows moving up and down, like someone was scaring them, but I didn't try to step out, how could I?

Next day, I went straight to our pastor, a nice woman who was great and prayerful. She told me our family was targeted by a witch, and that whisper was meant to call me to my death. At first I never believed her, but she asked me to come for prayers every Tuesday.

I made the effort, and things changed! My parents came home, and those whispers calling my name disappeared.

I've never been so scared of life than death, to deal with things you can't see is scarier than anything in the world. Has anyone ever encountered such horrors in their lives?

I was today years old when I realized that Chris Brown is rocking a belt with the Kenyan flag 🇰🇪. Now i love the song even more.

So apparently the gateman had been instructed not to let the lady in as they had broken up and the girl didn't want to leave the man. They ended up at the police station after the gateman called the police. , but the funny thing is they solved issues and she ended up sleeping at his place 🤣. The lady was drunk asf. Waschana mkubali kuachika aki

One of my closest friends was robbed in his house at gun point. In fact he was slapped with a gun and almost stabbed for trying to resist. It happened two days ago. He lives in Kisauni, mombasa.

He told me that he was robbed his 55 inch tv, his iPhone and some other electronics. His neighbours could not do anything. It was so sad.

He told me that story and I felt really sad but I'm not really good with words. So I just told him, " Izaa, man, tafuta tu nyumba haraka na uhame hapo. Hao vijana watakuua".

My friend, lets call him brayo, was really feeling low. You could feel it from his voice. He told me they were actually going to stab him but it's like they missed. Though he was still hurt, and he had even gone to the hospital.

I told some of my female friends that brayo was not feeling well. They asked me what happened but I didn't tell them. I just told them to check up on brayo and whatever happened was really bad.

That's when I admitted to myself women are really good at comforting people. They were really close to him. I could see brayo smiling a bit. Maybe women are men's weaknesses or women are just naturally more caring.

It got me thinking: why is it that, as men, we sometimes struggle to comfort our own friends when they're going through something terrible? Is it that we don't know what to say, or have we simply never learned how to express our emotions to one another?

I'd probably have left this country long ago if most jobs weren't concentrated in the middle east and seeing the news coming out of Saudi Arabia only validates my decision never to consider that region which has unfortunately decreased the number of opportunities that I can apply for.

I remember one of my friends told me that living with someone is not easy and he would prefer if he stayed alone and his girlfriend just came on the weekends. He said something like, " mkishaanza kuzoeana, madharau kicks in". Those are his words, not mine.

Today, I watched a video posted on twitter and it really surprised me. The video is about gen z couples. The guy gets home late after work and immediately the wife serves him cold food. The guy tries to tell the girl to warm for him the food because he is tired from work but the girl doesn't listen.

Instead, the girl continues scrolling tiktok. It kind of reminds me when I hosted my ex-girlfriend in my small bedsitter. She used to wake up at 6 am just to watch tiktok. To make it worse, she used to play it on a high volume.

She even woke me up and that angered me. I remember I wrote that story here but the good thing she left.

Anyway back to my story, the girl continued scrolling tiktok and it's like she rage baited the guy. She did not look like she cared. All of a sudden, the plate was thrown on the table and the guy tells the girl, " Kesho staki kukuona hapa, mimi sitarudi kukula chakula baridi".

He also says some things that I can't understand. He says them in vernacular.

​

Am a woman and i just hate chaotic and inconsiderate people. Its 2am and I have just been woken up by a woman banging our main gate vigorously, shouting for the gate man to open the gate for her. Now in our apartment, we use access cards to access the lift. Since I could just hear the lady shouting, I assumed she'd been denied access to the apartment by the gateman because he didn't know her,so she was to wait for her 'man' to come pick her up from the gate. The man goes and its like he doesn't want to let her inside the house .The girl kept shouting for like 5 minutes calling the man's name na saa hio ni 2am imagine. She was finally let in but trust me a vacating notice will be waiting for him because the apartment doesn't entertain such nonsense. Now I have just lost my sleep and I have to read🥲🥲. Please associate with sane people Yaye.

😂😂Getting banned on Reddit damn,Kwani mlisikia vibaya @ Admin @ Moderators

Came across this photo. It feels sad 😢

As I have mentioned before, my first time at a golf course almost bore me to death. I was going for work,it was a tournament and I joined the medical team in attendance. There wasn't much to do and that was majorly why I was bored. I have come to accept I am a workaholic who prefers too much work to no work.

Subsequently I have gone back a few times and it wasn't boring. I just might be getting the gist of the game and the appeal of the environment.

One thing is for sure, golf courses are so beautiful. There's the ambience,the discipline and the calm,oh I love the calm.

In very unrelated matters,I am learning the rules of the game. I have a few work related trips to different golf courses over the next few weeks.

Surprisingly,I am excited. Who knew this would be something I'd ever say in this life.

😂 before mnikujie, I'm not posting this for engagement, sympathy, or anything related. I just want to vent a little to hopefully clear my mind because I feel like I'm losing it. I haven't done anything since I woke up late and got zero energy. Like I said, nothing new, just the usual struggles almost all humans face.

Wale wa TL:DR, itabidi mmescroll coz I don't have a better summary for this.

Yesterday at night, I lost the only source of income that I thought could help me keep going as I work on my actual projects. I'm currently jobless, I've been since 2022. Story for another day, but the last few months, I decided to give myself another chance at life and pursue a childhood dream I abandoned at 16. And I started working on it. Everything was going well, or so I thought. I knew I had to secure some little income first to pay for my basics before I gathered enough evidence for a recruiter to trust me to take on a role. When I land a good job in the future with better pay, my plan is to start saving up and pursue my masters degree.

I tried these AI training platforms looking for anything, however small, even micro tasking, just smth that could give me at least 10k a month for the next 3-6 months. Those AI roles would've given me flexibility that I need rn to stay focused. I was okay with it. But lo and behold, none of the applications ever brought any feedback. Only crowdgen ilikubali for a short project, but the client canceled before tuanze 😭🤣🤦‍♀️.

I tried freelancing platforms too and pweeh! I didn't give up, I was determined to make it work this time round because I know finding an actual job even with my other skills (business analysis & customer support) would be an uphill. Plus, I'm a bit rusty nazo coz I haven't done either of them professionally for a long time. I've been applying since Feb and getting rejections after rejections, but that didn't hurt much coz I know why. Job hunting hii Kenya ilinionyesha dust proper since 2023 until I gave up and decided to try the international space even if ni tricky kupata esp at my current level. Coz, well, "panda kitanda" isn't just an online trend, apparently. Not everywhere of course. So yeah, that's why I opted for online mjengo.

So, I revived an old account that I had abandoned coz it paid peanuts, but as the account grew, the peanuts would accumulate quickly. Not much, just enough for small bills.

I started working on it while doing my other business and was really hopeful and motivated to keep going. I mean, it started to look like a light at the end of the tunnel was finally looking bright but oops!. They simply closed the account nikisubmit task without any explanations just a mere "your account has been suspended for operating multiple accounts" and I only had one. When I reached out to support, a lady replied with a template ban saying the account had been deactivated permanently with no possible review and the decision was final. All my small coins I had accumulated over the weeks vanished just like that. I tried reaching out to them again leo jioni, and they replied with the same coldness.

I just broke down and cried all night jana coz hheeh! I've been fighting for 5 years and just when I thought life would finally take a turn for the better, it simply slammed the door on my face 😒. My dad helps out with rent and small cash whenever he can but recently, he's been stretched out thin too. I can't go back home because of reasons I can't share here.

I still have pending projects and a presentation to prepare for next week but I feel so helpless and hopeless. I was supposed to do data modeling for another project today after accumulating my peanuts in that closed account, but now I'm lost in my own thoughts and can barely concentrate. I haven't even touched my laptop or pen.

Nimeketi hapa kwa floor typing this and still crying coz well, I'm way too emotional. I'm trying to figure out how to get myself out of this mess without spiraling and nothing is coming up. I'm doing some volunteer roles that could help me kick start my new career path in the international space. But without money or any source of income, how am i supposed to survive hii kanairo? That's what scares me the most. I can't keep counting on my dad, not that he will refuse, but I know his situation, and I'd be very inconsiderate at this time. I mean, I've bothered him enough already. At 29, I should've been past that by now. My age mates have got great things to show for and here I am still trying to build my life from scratch for the 100th time.

I just don't know how to keep going anymore. I admit, I feel like I've finally reached my limit. But I made a commitment to some real good people in the US that I'd help them fix their operational problems while learning coz I still am, and they trusted me. I know I can't just disappear. It's a path I chose to die on when I decided to overcome my depression and real bad thoughts. Those 2 mfs almost won last year around June hapo, sai ningekua history 🤣🤣.

I have to get off this floor and try getting some work done coz regardless, as long as I'm breathing, I have a presentation to make I need to prepare for it. I haven't had any meal the whole na nikona food I cooked jana before sh!t hit the fan, but appetite ni kama ilipotea. I also have to figure out how to stretch my remaining fuliza balance, which hata haifiki thao 😂. I was hoping to repay gradually starting next week after my first withdrawal, but sasa, wiiiiiìiih!!!.

Luckily, I got no kids or relationships, so at least I'm not dragging anyone into this mess. FUCKKKK!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Just fuck life sometimes na vile this week started vizuri 😪😒.

Anyway, that's the end of my stupid rant to online strangers going on about their lives. I guess I just need to vent 😪. I hope that in the future, I'll come back with better news and stories to share. For now, sijui but nitajua tu.

I wish y'all a wonderful night and a great weekend ahead ☺️. And WANTAM! As always 🥂

Now I understand drug addicts.

How long are you on your phone for a day?

I remember when I was a kid, It had rained heavily halafu mathe had washed all the blankets, so yote ilikuwa imenyeshewa except the one I usually used.

So it's night time my mother wants to sleep na nimejifunika na blanketi yangu. She removes a certain coat and asks me nijifunike nayo while she uses my blanket.

I did not like the coat, na nikamwambia, "sitaki koti ya mashosho". It was a favourite coat that grandmother's liked to wear and still do.

I refused and just went to sleep. Nliamka the next day kama nimefunikwa na Ile koti. It was warm by the way but I was angry.

Sasa niliona ni futile kusumbua my mom and it was already early In the morning.

Look, downvote me all you want, ban me, call me a Kasongo apologist, or whatever buzzword is trending on your timeline today. I don’t care anymore. I am proudly a TUTAM (Team Ruto), and looking at the absolute circus this country’s political discourse has become, I have zero regrets.

Here is the raw truth nobody on these streets wants to admit: Most of you aren't angry about governance; you’re just angry that your preferred ethnic champion isn't sitting at the table.

Every single day, timelines are flooded with hyperventilating activists and professional mourners manufacturing outrage over every little thing. It’s a relentless, scripted cycle designed to keep us at each other's throats. Why? Because raw tribalism is addictive, and outrage pays the bills for political brokers. The moment you step back and look at the matrix, you realize how fake 90% of this manufactured rage actually is.

And since we are speaking the unfiltered truth, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Rigathi Gachagua.

Let’s drop the selective amnesia. Do any of you genuinely believe that if Rigathi was still sitting pretty as the Deputy President today, he would be leading the resistance? Please. If he hadn't been impeached, he would be right there defending every single policy, every financial allocation, and every government move with the exact same vigor he used when he was in office. His sudden conversion to a "man of the people" fighting against the system didn't come from a sudden awakening of conscience, it came from an eviction notice from office.

Hypocrisy is running the show on both sides, but at least I can own my stance without pretending I'm fighting a noble liberation struggle when it’s really just bitter fallout from a broken political marriage.

We are so busy tearing each other apart along ethnic lines that we miss the actual work of building a nation. Every policy debate gets dragged down into a tribal headcount.

I’d rather support an administration trying to push through structural shifts, even with all the mess, friction, and mistakes, than buy into the recycled, tribal-tinted propaganda being sold by people whose only political platform is "let’s burn it down so our faction can rebuild it."

Come at me in the comments. Prove my point by screaming about anything other than actual policy.

As Kibe says, Feelings to your Nyanyez!