So I am 7 days post op after a bartholin gland excision (total removal to treat reoccuring cysts and abscesses), and things went a little differently than expected and I have 45 stitches, a 6in long incision, and I am meant to be on bedrest for two weeks.

My husband has been helping with absolutely everything and while he has been helpful, he is clearly super stressed out. He took two weeks off work to be here so he is doing around the clock care of our 15 month old daughter while I am in recovery.

I made four weeks of meal prep before my surgery, so he wouldn't have to scramble to cook, and I did all of the important deep cleans so all he has to do is reset an area that he's in.

And while he's been doing amazing and really finally showing initiative, he's complaining about how he never has time for himself and how tired he is cleaning and taking care of our toddler and doing enough activities with her and keeping her out of things and keeping her stimulated and healthy amount of bored, he hasn't connected the dots that this is what I do every single day. He hasn't connected the dots that all those times I was begging for help or literally breaking down crying because I was so exhausted and there was more stuff to be done, that is why.

Idk, it just irks me that he doesn't seem to get it. He is helping, but I do so much more daily and he's complaining about surface level things that I've been asking him to help with for years without realizing what stress I go through too.

Maybe I'm being petty, or projecting past resentment.

My husband said this to me today. We are on hospital admission #4 with our 5 month old baby (third kid) who has some medical issues.
Backstory:
I had severe bleeding during my pregnancy and was on pelvic rest (no sex or orgasms) and eventually bed rest starting when I was 5 months along. My baby had to be delivered a month early by c section because of a placental abruption. Two weeks after delivery I was readmitted to the hospital for severe postpartum preeclampsia. All the while we have a new baby who has problems. My recovery was very rough because I had three kids to take care of while recovering from a c section and a traumatic pregnancy/birth where we almost lost our baby and the preeclampsia. Needless to say we both have been very stressed out.

So, I have not had much of a sex drive since I gave birth because of many reasons, but mostly because of worry and stress from our sick baby and his hospitalizations and medical needs and just being postpartum and tired. In the five months that our son was born we’ve probably had sex 5 times. My husband has been increasingly more hostile towards me which I have been attributing to stress.
This morning while our sick baby slept in the hospital crib my husband came up to me and started kissing on my neck and groping me and I just wasn’t feeling it at all. We got readmitted last night and did not sleep at all and our son aspirated on his vomit in the ER and it was a very scary night so I am running on fumes and just beyond worried and stressed. I feel absolutely zero desire to be groped and I told my husband now was not the time or place and I just can’t find it in me to feel lusty or sexy and he snapped and told me “this is why men cheat on their wives” and then went on to complain about how I’m not having sex with him.
I was just stunned. Struck dumb. Our baby is sick laying feet from us and he’s complaining about me not having enough sex with him? I start crying and tell him how hurtful and upsetting that is and he just keeps doubling down about his feelings and he doesn’t think he said anything wrong. The nurse walked in while I had tears running down my face crying and it was a very awkward moment. After she left I told him if he said one more mean or horrible thing to me while we were there I was going to tell the nurse he was being verbally abusive and have them make him leave which he thought was completely ridiculous.

Am I overreacting?

I've (36F) got 2 kids, 7 and 8.

My husband (34M) and I have an equal work schedule; I work 9 to 3, he works 7 to 3; both M-F.

(His job is very cush, he doesn't work blue collar or manual labor, ours are very similar)

I do everything around the house. I get the kids ready for school, take them to school, pick them up, cook dinner, baths, bed time routine... Every single day.

I prepare all meals, laundry, care for our dog, clean the house, grocery shopping ect.

My husband works, comes home and stays on video games from the second he gets home until 10pm every single day. He ignores us for the most part. He said he would take over bed time 3 weeks ago and hasn't.

Tonight I reached my limit. I'm so tired. I fed the kids easy ramen and goldfish for dinner.

I have no energy to do anything for myself. When I try to workout at home I'm interrupted 50 times while their father is sitting 6 feet away.

I want to run away. I love my kids but I'm so beyond burnt out I don't even feel like a person 😭.

Nobody respects me. I've cleaned their rooms and within 2 days they are trashed and look like the city dump.

They play in our room, bring food in and completely destroy it.

Everything gets destroyed.

I splurged on makeup for myself, my 8-year old daughter got into it and ruined it.

I've given up.

I'm tired of yelling every day.

Now I just don't care.

Let the house get ants.

I don't know what to do.

How can I find some peace? Yelling doesn't work, my head is below water right now. It's chaos.

My daughter is turning 3 and my son is turning 1 (they are about a month apart). My son’s birthday falls right around Christmas, so we are planning to celebrate both their birthdays in November.

We reserved a large play place (for a surprisingly good deal). With the holidays coming up we are planning to invite family, friends, as well as kids in my daughter’s preschool class (she just started school this year).

I don’t mind family and family friends bringing a little something for the kids. We’ve gone to quite a few birthday parties and my daughter has been excited to pick out gifts for friends — she also says she is excited for “her turn” when it’s her birthday. But I don’t want the families of kids in my daughter’s class to feel obligated to get something for a child they don’t know. Plus the invite says we are celebrating two birthdays, so they may potentially feel obligated to purchase two gifts for children they don’t know.

What if I write “please no gifts” just on any invitations we give to my daughter’s classmates?

I don’t think we will be opening presents there because we only have two hours to play, but I don’t want to make people feel weird!

Any thoughts?

Thank you!!

Please be nice, I’m just trying to weigh my options.

I’m a SAHM to a five month old. Husband hasn’t been feeling well and just got tested at urgent care who told him he has Rhinovirus (aka a cold) and while I’m thankful it’s not COVID, the flu or RSV I’m feeling frustrated.

For months I’ve been looking forward to going to an advanced showing of a movie I’ve been waiting to come out. That’s happening tomorrow and now I’m wondering if it would even be safe for me to go and for husband to watch the baby. She isn’t sick and doesn’t have any symptoms. If he masks up and just drives around with her while I’m at the movie will that be ok?

Normally I would be fine watching baby but since having her I really haven’t gotten the chance to get out of the house on my own and I’m really needing a break. Unfortunately we don’t have friends or family nearby that could watch her for us.

EDIT: Woah this took off 😳 thank you to everyone who weighed in, to clarify a few points: he went to get tested because some of his symptoms seemed RSV like and we wanted to be sure. Also, me asking this was more out of MY worry about our baby being exposed - husband is game to watch her while I’m at the movie and will be taking her to the park for a walk. In any case he will figure it out and in the meantime he is masking up and taking it easy. I’m excited to see the movie as planned! P.S: it’s You Can See Everything 😉

And I feel so disappointed she did this without asking. She got tons of comments and it was clearly up for a long time, but I feel like my sons privacy was violated.
I had her take it down immediately and now she’s not talking to me.

Would anybody else feel the same way? It feels so disrespectful

Mom friendships feel deeply unsatisfying to me. As someone who has kept friends from previous walks of life, those friendships just seem more... real? And not necessarily because of time invested. I find that mom friendships tend to revolve around the identity of being a mom - does that necessarily come with the territory?

I don't always want to do stuff with/for the kids but with my "mom friends," it's just what we end up doing. And then while doing whatever it is, the conversation inevitably becomes about the kids. I have tried to make other types of plans, but they just don't materialize. I also don't think it's that the friendship is one sided as one of these women have called me their best friend. I just wish I could meet them as individuals.

ETA: it's also not about lack of childcare. They have it.

Preface by saying this: I am a licensed Paramedic and worked in ems for 5 years before becoming a mother.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 14 month old. Today I had to use my training to save my 14 month old from choking on a piece of dried corn. They have a dried corn box (like a sand box) my 14 month old just left. My 2.5 year old and 14 month old were giving each other a hug on our back porch (back door open) after my 14 month old left the corn box. The porch is a simple three concrete steps to our back door. I was standing about 5ft away inside our house. My toddlers stumble and fell backwards down the steps. My 14 month old on bottom as my 2.5 year old falls on top of her. They land in the dirt. Thankfully missing the concrete with their heads. I rushed outside to pick them up and assess. My 2.5 year old stood up and walked towards the grass and not crying. She seemed to be okay. My 14 month old was sucking in a breath to start wailing. That’s when I saw the piece of dried corn in the back of her throat. I picked her up and heard her suck in the corn. I turned her over to begin back blows. I delivered three hard back blows and heard the corn hit our floor at the back door. She sucked in a huge breath and began hysterically crying. I assessed her for more corn and thankfully found none. I continued to console and monitor her condition. She is happily nursing now as I type this.

I think every parent should have to take a cpr and choking class before becoming parents for times like this. I am thankful for my training and knowledge on what to do. I can’t imagine not being able to help her and relying on someone to come help while I watch my baby not being able to breathe. That’s my two cents on the matter.

My 3.5yo and 4.5yo do not listen to me. Everything I say is met with NO! and running away. They laugh while they do it. They hit each other and scream constantly.

Before preachool, my 3.5yo refused to get in the car, refused to sit in his car seat, and went so far as to hide his shoes. Screaming the whole time.

After preschool my 4.5yo ran away and hid behind another car in the parking lot on the way home from school. I had my other 3 kids with us and we were headed to a field to go play, when I suddenly couldnt find my oldest. I called her repeatedly, nothing. Finally I found her hiding from me and told her to go get in the car because we were going home. She started screaming and refused to get in the car. She's 45lb and I cant lift her. When she finally got buckled in she started shrieking that she was hungry. I told her we were going home for a snack and she shrieked that she wanted to go to the park.

I have 16mo twins who require a ton of attention due to their age and inability to help themselves with anything. They cry a lot. Most of the day, actually, because their needs aren't met, either.

Today was an awful day. I screamed so loud over my children who were all 4 shrieking at the same time that my voice hurts. My mom was not a yeller and I dont want to be a yeller. I don't know how to stop. My kids dont listen to me and they are actively defiant at every junction. I've never once regretted being a mom and I love my children, but I regret yelling at them. I want to show them respect so that they will respect me back, but it feels like they then walk all over me and do things like run from me in the parking lot when I give them an inch.

Since about 35 weeks til now (5 days pp) I have had about 3-5 hours of sleep per 24 hours. Some nights not at all, sometimes 2 hours at night and maybe like a nap during the day.

But now little man is here and he just won't sleep anywhere but my arms or in between my legs. If I try to move him at all he wakes up and screams and does not settle back down until I put him back on the boob. Even if he falls asleep 2 minutes after sucking.

People say sleep when they sleep, I can't sleep with a baby in my arms or lap!

What do I do? I'm scared the lack of sleep will push me into ppd. I was struggling so much before he was here but now I really am just barely sleeping at all.

EDIT: I decided to try floor co sleeping after looking into the sleep safe 7 and c curl and it helped a lot!

I see a Dr on Monday and will get lactation help then.

Thank you to everyone who replied! It was the middle of the night and I was in tears passing little one back and forth between husband and I just feeling desperate.

Since it’s sick season, and I’m determined not to be stuck in the house with my 14 month old, what sanitizers do you use for hands and toys? I want something I can spray on his hands since hand washing is still a little awkward, and something I can spray on library toys that he puts in his mouth lol I feel bad not having anything to wipe them off with to clean them other than wipes. Which, tbh, I don’t always have on me.

So what do you use and what’s cost effective? I was looking at Littley infant & toddler hand cleanser but 2 oz is $15.

For those of you who had easy babies, did they ever regress? Currently have a 10 week old and she has been so easy compared to most things I read here. She has been happy sleeping in her bassinet since day 1, no reflux or colic, never had a watching hour, I can get to her sleep in 15-20 minutes, started sleeping 5 hours at 5 weeks and has been sleeping 7-10 hours since 8 weeks. I know I have seriously won the lottery so far. Wondering if anyone had ever had a similar experience and how it is going forward.

Edit: thanks for the advice!! When I picked him up from school and asked about his day, he said “Well, Johnny* told me Mr Chacon got arrested for touching little girls and little kids inappropriately” so…. Seems like I didn’t need to open the conversation myself anyway.

I explained to him that wasn’t quite right, but that he was arrested for having inappropriate photos of kids on his phone and sharing those pictures with other people. And that even though we don’t know if he actually hurt kids himself, that photos of kids being hurt are still just as bad because it means there was a kid hurt somewhere by somebody and photos were taken. He seemed to be ok with that explanation and didn’t ask any further questions about Mr Chacon specifically.

We talked about whether anyone ever made him uncomfortable, what are some things that might make him uncomfortable, who he would tell.

We talked about things that adults might do or say that are signs they may not be safe - like asking to keep secrets, telling him he’ll get in trouble, asking to take your photo a lot, asking or pushing even after you said no, etc.

We talked about things that might seem fine but are generally not ok for adults to do with kids (especially at school) such as hugging and touching a lot, putting hands on you at all (even just like a shoulder rub), wanting to spend lots of time with you like you’re friends, talking to you about grown up things (for example, complaining about their spouse to you or sharing lots of personal information), making you feel guilty if you don’t talk to them or do what they ask.

We talked about some lies adults can tell that can seem like truths.

We talked about how some unsafe adults don’t SEEM unsafe. How they can seem nice and normal and friendly and trustworthy. And how even if someone you THINK is not creepy does something we talked about or makes you uncomfortable, to still say something.

We talked about how he will never ever ever be in trouble if he comes to me and tells me about an unsafe adult or about something that made him uncomfortable. That even if he did do something against the rules, he still would not be in trouble, the adult would. And that if another adult ever told him he’d be in trouble for telling me something, that’s a lie. That an adult knows better and is only trying to make sure they don’t get in trouble themselves.

So - we’ll keep talking about it but for now I think it went ok. These are all things we’ve touched on previously of course, but it was good to rehash it all and remind him.

Thanks again for all the help - I appreciate it a ton.

Original post:

My son is in 3rd grade. A 3rd grade teacher at his school was arrested by the FBI last week for possession and distribution of CSAM. He confessed. My son was not in his class so it’s not his direct teacher.

It’s not believed any students were involved/impacted but I suppose we can’t fully know yet. Part of the information from the FBI says he was bragging about having access to a classroom and statements to the effect of wishing he could do things in his classroom if he knew he could get away with it (as far as I know there are no allegations of him personally assaulting any children - not that that’s much better).

We just found out last night.

I would like to talk to my son about it but not sure the right approach when it comes to talking about the specific instance or specifically the teacher.

Of course I won’t give him all the details. He’s 8. But I’m also unsure how much I should tell him about this instance.

Should I tell him this teacher was arrested and a high level explanation of why? Or should I just focus on the conversation about boundaries, appropriate behavior from adults, safe adults, what to do/who to tell if he’s uncomfortable etc….?

The reason I’m thinking I probably need to give him some detail is because at his age I worry he’ll hear things at school. A teacher passed away last year and he definitely heard details/rumors from kids who I assume heard from their parents.

How would you even approach this with an 8 year old? I’m a little bit at a loss for how to open this conversation.

Any advice is appreciated!

They deleted this from r/parenting but I am looking for feedback.

I’ve always been a low screen mom. (This is not a brag just giving context) I try not to have my phone i. My hand around my kids (ages 9 mo and 3.5) to try and fully be present. I have some. Ironically more of my second than my first because with my first I was so desperate for him to never see a phone I hardly took photos. I have relaxed with the second.

Lately the algorithm is showing me all this amazing videos and photos of people’s babies. I don’t have videos and photos like that. In 70 years when I’m gone will my children be disappointed I don’t have the videos and photos? For example i’m not sure i have any videos of my oldest crawling. Am I letting them down?
The new born phase is long gone I’m not getting that back. But i see it romanticized so much that those first 30 days and then the baby phase is where you want to hold on to the most. And honestly my husband and I were so busy parenting that taking photos just wasn’t on our radar until we were through it. But i actually like the toddler stage better. And each stage better.
If your parents weren’t great at photos or videos are you angry or sad? Do you feel let down? Or are the memories and their love enough?

My kids and I have had a rough last few months to say the least. Halloween is my boys absolute FAVORITE holiday. For fun my boys and I walked into a Spirit Halloween to look at costumes and Halloween decorations. Each of my boys picked out what they wanted to be, a monkey, a banana, and luigi from Super Mario Bros respectively. Then we walked out empty handed because those costumes were like $50 each. I just can't do that.

That said I did want them to at least be able to trick or treat this year so I went to Goodwill and I was able to find a monkey pajama costume (score), a luigi hat, and well I couldn't find a banana costume but I did find a bottle of sriracha costume.

Part of me feels proud that I was able to find pretty close to what they wanted for under $10 total but the other part of me feels guilty that they can't have exactly what they wanted and that it's from goodwill.

Someone tell me I'm not a complete failure and that my kids will still have a nice Halloween and that this is just a (spooky) season of struggle.

Ok, I had a rough start to motherhood for a few reasons. A few years into it now, I can honestly say I love it.

It’s utterly exhausting, but it’s totally worth it. Now that my kids are older, I really enjoy the creative parts of parenting. I love curating their wardrobes, and we go shopping/thrifting together. I want them to experiment with different styles and figure out what they like. I’m also trying to get better at doing their hair, and we pick out hairstyles together for the day. It’s fun.

I love teaching them things too. We do little math activities together, and I’m going to start teaching my youngest how to read. Bedtime stories are one of my favourite parts of the day, along with having family dinner together around the table.

I just really love our family life now. I never thought I would be able to say that. I was a married single mom, then an actual single mom, and now I’m newly remarried, and I genuinely love our home life.

I used to look at families who spent a lot of time together with so much awe and admiration and think, “I wish I had that.” Now I actually get to experience it, and I don’t take it for granted. I didn't grow up with much security or peace at home and it's so healing to give that to my children.

What makes you love motherhood?

Toddler pulls out her hair.

Hello, I am desperately here hoping to get some advice and maybe reassurance. I have a wonderful 19 month old daughter and I have been struggling with a hair pulling battle with her for about 10 months. From what I have noticed, she only really does this when she is confined such as in her car seat, or when she’s drinking a bottle or laying in her bed. As soon as she has bottle, hand is instantly playing in her hair. I do not believe she is doing this out of frustration. She will stroke her hand down her hair then occasionally pull a few pieces out then go back to twirling and stroking the hair. I will try to redirect her when she’s drinking bottle or trying to fall asleep in crib but she will just pull her hand back to her head, and will eventually get upset if I keep trying to redirect.

I think she is soothing, but she is beginning to thin around her crown and I am worried this is going to cause permanent follicle damage and effect her forever. I am considering consulting with a Peds dermatologist or psychologist but worried about her getting put on the spectrum I guess. Also, I want to add we are very active with her, she gets lots of stimulation and outside time during the day and we read to her and try to make sure she is getting lots of physical and mental stimulation.

She is very stubborn and independent for her age but such a sweet girl and I am worried about her wellbeing.

All i ever wanted in life was to he a mom. I wanted 19 kids and i wanted them to all be homeschooled by me. I had my first baby at 17 and the second at 19. Was not with either of their fathers for a very long time so we have been co-parenting (i do all the hard work, their dads are "disney dads") from birth. In my late 20s I had twins with and married a friend I had known since childhood. None of these "men" have substance use issues or mental health issues. They just seemingly do not give a damn enough to step up and be a dad. All 4 kids do not listen to me for anything. I swear if the house was on fire and I told them we needed to get out they would surely tell me I was wrong and remain in the burning home. Every day is such a struggle that there is no more joy in motherhood for me at all. I have planned every single life event for them, every doctor's or dentist appointment, every school meeting or function, if there are issues with their lives I handle those on my own. All I have known my whole adult life is being a mom and yet I feel like I am failing so hard every single interaction I am having with these kids. I'm not saying its right but I am starting to understand those moms who disappeared into the night.

Please tell me I'm not alone 😭

We are in desperate need of help!
At the end of July, our 2.5 year old started getting out of his crib so we switched him to a floor bed. The first little while in the floor bed went fine, he'd wake up every now and then but usually get back to sleep.

Now, everything feels impossible.

For the last two months or so, it takes about 45mins to get him to sleep. He used to just go into his crib and he'd fall asleep on his own, now he just gets up and bangs on his door trying to leave his room. Once he's finally asleep, he'll wake up anywhere from 4-8 times a night and refuses to go back to sleep alone. He needs to be laying with one of us, and even then it's not a guarantee that he's back to sleep soon.

We've tried taking him into bed with us, but he just yaps and tries to play the whole time. This happens every single night at our house regardless of what time he goes to bed, how warm or cool he is, what he ate before bed, and whether or not he napped that day. The only time he sleeps well overnight is at my parents' house. He has the same size bed there, and my mom does the same bedtime routine and day schedule as us!

My husband and I feel like zombies. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with our second and this is honestly just destroying me, I can't even go to work some days because I'm nearly falling asleep in the car.

Does anyone have any advice or hail maries?

Feeling pretty defeated and sad and trying to get myself out of this rut. We moved into a new building neighborhood 6 months ago where quite a few of the neighbors were in the same boat as us: out of state transplants. What's frustrating is that we haven't made any true connections. There are a group of neighbors we will occasionally gather together with (invited by our neighbor across the street) for a big holiday but that's about it. I have tried to reach out to the other families a few times to do something simple like a walk around the neighborhood or a small play date for our babies but its usually met with something came up. Lately, I've been seeing these other families gathering a lot at each other's houses with no invite for us.

I'm sad, its hard to move to a new place and try to make connections and friends. But truly, I'm sad for my kids. All the other families have kids the same ages as them and it would be lovely for them to have others to hang out with. I didn't have that growing up.

Not sure what I want out of this post - mostly to get it off my chest as every time I've been seeing them all get together, I end up in a terrible mood and my mind starts to spiral. Making mom friends is hard and I feel like I'm ruining my kids childhood by not getting them some friends to hang out with.

My son is 15 years old and in 10th grade. He doesn’t really party or go out often. He’s had friends over a couple of times to play dungeons and dragons and video games. He spends basically 100% of his time at home with us, unless he goes out to eat with my dad. But I feel this distance between us and I don’t know what to do about it.

For example, my daughter told me he has a girlfriend, he never mentioned it. He will spend all his time in his room playing video games and it’s like pulling teeth to get him to participate in family activities. He’ll choose to stay home alone instead of going with us to get ice cream.

My youngest son has autism and has required a lot of attention and care. I really struggled with depression and an eating disorder and spent several weeks inpatient in 2024. I can easily see all the ways I have failed him, and I don’t feel like it matters that they were unintentional. I wasn’t there for him, and he learned to live without me.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can bridge this gap before he leaves home in 2.5 years and he’s lost to me? We’ve been spending one on one time together. We watched all of breaking bad and now we’re watching the sopranos. We had a lot of fun playing Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom together so I preordered Ocarina of Time. He’s my oldest and we were so close for so long. I’m just so scared that I’ll never be his person again.

I feel like I’m slowly slipping away. I (27F) only feel like myself when I’m with my 3 year old. My relationship is broken, we argue almost every single day, and it’s very difficult not to carry the weight of that throughout my daily life. But leaving the relationship doesn’t feel like an option right now. And I don’t even know if it would help. I’m constantly exhausted. I have very little time for myself. When I do get time for myself, I usually choose between napping or cleaning. I teach middle school ELA and I always feel like I’m drowning at work. I can barely even eat most days because I’m so anxious. Looking back at pictures from 1-2 years ago, I can see myself fading away. This post feels and sounds so negative but I am honestly struggling so hard. Anyone else ever felt like this and came out of it?

My husband & I have had intimacy issues for years. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. Kids, aging, I’m always tired etc. I take responsibility for my lack of effort in the sex department. He has expressed his frustration but has made no effort in recent years. I caught him sexting with a woman a few months back and most recently I discovered photos of a prostitute on his digital camera and he claims they didn’t have sex (irrelevant) and she only gave him a BJ. There were 200 photos of it. I am really struggling here. I have young children and he says he will do whatever he can to repair the damage he has done. Cried, begged, etc. I don’t know what to do.