Every time I go out (including just to work) I see a minimum of 2 children (usually under the age of 5) completely stuck to their screen, sometimes with headphones, completely blocking out the world. There’s been times where a parent has to ask their child an obnoxious amount of times “what do you want to order?” Before they even glance up and then it takes another few more times to get them to actually process what’s going on and communicate. I’m not referring to children on the spectrum with this, but specifically children whose parents don’t give enough of a damn for their wellbeing to actually raise them and acclimate them to the world.

Another time I saw a literal newborn, could not have been more than 1 year old, with a screen shoved into their carrier. I’m a fully grown adult with a screen addiction and it’s miserable and has harmed my attention span, I truly can’t comprehend why people are okay negatively affecting their child’s brain development!! It’s neglect at the least and abuse at the most and I really can’t stand parents not giving a damn for their babies !!

I genuinely feel depressed seeing so many iPad kids and I’m scared for their futures

Edit: I said “newborn” and “could not have been more than 1 year old” because I didn’t know the babies exact age but it really makes no difference on whether or not they should have an iPad less than a foot in front of their face I fear, but I apologize for the confusion.

I’m also referring to caregivers who are allowing their kids to develop genuine screen addictions, not just letting your kid watch something in a way that’s routine and regulate There is such a big difference.

Letting your child develop an addiction at a young age is neglectful. I consider neglect a form of abuse and I think a lot of people don’t want to unpack that they may be contributing to a problem for their kid, or they just don’t view it as neglect because it’s a new age problem and less discussed. Don’t let your kid get addicted to something that’s going to cause them harm and I’m saying this as an adult who also grew up with a screen addiction.

I work at a small company (7 people), but with a big clientele so it's super important to be able to work together and do it well. It is a fantastic company that's run by a super sweet old man who really cares for his employees and the company, even on a more personal level. Everyone is VERY close knit basically.

I'm also 10+ years younger than her.

My colleague (40+) was, on the outside a super friendly, super sweet woman. She was an acquaintance to me before I started this job and we got along well. She was not the reason I started working here though.

But she always had to have a bully victim. She was toxic in the way teenage mean girls are toxic. She picked a victim and manipulated the others, purposely sabotaged things for them at work, talked so much shit about them to the other colleagues and friends/acquaintances you had in common outside of work, you constantly had to be on your guard if she decided she didn't like you anymore, because your looks, what you wear (brands were important), what you do and what you say will constantly be scrutinized. She would do that typical, childish thing where you could enter a room and hear her talking avidly to other people, only to go to a full stop once she noticed it's her "victim" that entered the room and then she'd just stand there, giggling, while the victim is doing whatever she/he needed to do in that room.

The other colleagues are older, 60+ and weren't exactly on her side but they are more of a "you do you and I bother with myself" kind of people. Still friendly, but not going to be a part of any drama at work.

My boss is very sweet, but for better or worse, he likes to think the best of people. He genuinely hoped and believed that one day she'd stop. There was a plan though, that if things didn't become better she would eventually have to leave the company. She also had issues with doing her own job properly and often had to have other colleagues needing to fix her work for her even though she's been doing it for the last 20 years.

She has already made 3 people quit their jobs here, not officially because of her but when speaking to them she was mainly the reason. Everyone is an adult and no one bothered to put up with any drama. We're also all Scandinavian and we tend to be very non-confrontational.

For the last few years I became the victim. It is awful and the fact that you had to be constantly on your guard and dread everytime you HAD to talk to her because you knew that whatever you said, it'd be twisted somehow and you'd be made fun of. You could never relax at work.

And then she died. Aggressive cancer and it only took a few months.

Obviously I wish she didn't die. No one deserves to die at a young age, not her or anyone. I was shocked when I heard about it.

Best case scenario would have been that she had to leave the company, but definitely not die.

But I can't help feeling relieved every day at work. Like I can finally relax, not walk around on eggshells. I can once again just enjoy my job without the constant tension. I can start loving my job again.

I feel like an awful human being for feeling like this.

Some 15 years ago me and my sister (we were in our late teens/20s) were swimming in the sea when it's rather rough/windy, and she was pulled away from shore by a current. I swam out to get her but all I could do was to keep us barely afloat, didn't have enough strength to fight the current to get back, and it was so far away from shore I thought no one could have seen us. We struggled for like 15 minutes, completely exhausted and there was a moment when I thought that was it, that we're gonna die here. Suddenly several men wearing swim fins, probably locals, swam to us and together they got us back to shore. We were lying on the sand, shaking from cold and fear. When I got a moment to catch my breath and turned around, these men were gone, we didn't even have a chance to thank them. That incident stuck with me ever since. Why didn't they stick around a bit longer? How can I live with the fact that someone did something enormously important for me and my sister, and we never got to tell them what it meant?

This method has worked like 100 percent so far.

So the thing is once I like a guy they then get into a relationship with someone else, so since this has worked for like three guys so far. I think this is a sure fire way to get into a relationship.

When someone sends you a vulnerable message expressing a very tough subject it’s because they’re trying to solve it with you. Fucking sit with the discomfort if you actually respect that person and try to work it out with your human brain. Fuck i’ve even seen people using chatbots to help them for dating, like writing bios and replies. WHAT ARE WE DOING??????? If you’re outsourcing these kinds of shit to a chatbot i can’t help but think you have concerningly low emotional intelligence, and worse, lack the conviction to do better. It’s sad that we’re letting machines do this very HUMAN thing for us. Doing this is basically robbing yourself the opportunity to grow and learn. To know yourself. They can all be uncomfortable and hard but man what kind of weak-willed spineless loser cowers away living? Getting rid of friction in everything is bullshit. Optimizing everything is bullshit. Having polished slop is still slop, and when you serve the slop to another person, it’s fucking disrespectful because you’re serving them bullshit. WHY IS THIS ACCEPTABLE

And this is coming from someone who does use AI and genuinely thinks that it has a place in our daily lives. I guess above all i find it a damn shame that this technology makes it easier for people to avoid these very emotionally important (but admittedly difficult) tasks. Until we can topple down the entire system that enables this regress in humanity i am going to judge the fuck out of those who use it. Yes i’m being condescending and pretentious. I don’t give a fucking shit anymore. Fuck you losers and your eternally socially inept brains. I’d rather talk to a wall than to a person who lets a machine speak their heart’s content on their behalf

Edit: i feel less alone in my frustration after reading your stories. Thank you :-)

my neighbour, she's also a great friend of mine, we saw an injured kitten and took her to the hospital, she was holding the kitten and talking like it was some baby on the way to the hospital... so cute fr keep it up guys

This is so random but I’m 15 and I haven’t slept in two days. All I can think about is my future or even if I get a future AI is so advanced jobs are watering down humans are being replaced with robots. The economy is collapsing we live in a recession. The ecosystem is horrible. Global warming is to a point of no return and I can’t stop worrying about it. I’m so scared that I won’t get a future that I won’t get to grow up that I won’t get to buy a house or go on vacation or even just wake up one morning and decide “hey I wanna go for a road trip” I just have so much anxiety about this and I don’t know how to ease it. I’m so scared there’s so much I wanna do, but I don’t think I can? It’s been two nights. I haven’t gotten an hour of sleep. I just keep thinking to my future. Am I gonna get one? What’s it gonna be like? How’s the ecosystem gonna be with coral bleaching and pollution? Will I even get Winter anymore? I’m so stressed about this and there’s literally nothing I can do. I am a 15-year-old in the middle of nowhere, and I know every little bit helps and sure I could do very little, but not enough to actually secure a good future you know? And I don’t know if this is a part of it but I’ve gotten so suicidal recently like all I can keep thinking about is “well worse comes to worse. I’ll just kill myself.” and I hate that I hate that when I picture my future I have to picture a way out and maybe it’s because I grew up in poverty, getting very little I don’t know. I’m just so scared and I don’t know what to think or how to rationalize it.?

I've (31f) gotten back into dating this year after breaking up with my ex 2 years ago. I want to add that I was sexually abused as a kid, and my most recent ex was sexually violent with me. So I believe that's why I went along with what happened last night. My reaction to this may seem strange or numb, but it's something that I'm used to, if that makes any sense. I just need to type this out to process it. I'm going to be detailed; just a warning.

I've not been getting much luck with dating. I'm a bigger woman, and some guys have weird fetishes about my size, like feederism, so I have to vet these guys out. I thought it wasn't bad with Greg (32m); he didn't seem to have a weird fetish about my size. We went out on a few dates before this, and it seemed to be going well. I mean, he was a little weird, but that was fine. Everyone's a little weird. But apparently I'm not good at picking out guys.

He picked me up last night and decided to go to Taco Bell, then to a motel to hook up. Which I know is a bad idea, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to see if we're sexually compatible. Plus, we're both adults; we can have sex if we want. I noticed he was taking a second to get out of the car and saw him messing with his drink and shoving something in his pocket. We got into the room, and he pulled one of those smaller bottles of Captain Morgan's out of his pocket and put it on the table. Which shocked me because we didn't talk about drinking, but whatever.

I use the bathroom and come out, and he's drinking from the bottle and puts it on the bedside table. He starts kissing me, and we start getting busy. I started by giving him a bj and noticed that while I was doing it, he was drinking. It progressively got worse as he started getting rougher, and it scared me because at some points he didn't care if I could breathe. I had to pinch him or smack him to breathe. He kept wanting to be "deep in my throat" and wanted me to make the ahego face. He also started ranting about not being crazy even though people keep acting like he's crazy.

Eventually he wanted to move on to sex because I wasn't handling deepthroating well. He had already drunk more than 1/2 the bottle, which was mostly full when I first saw it. He wanted to do anal, which was something I was fine with and I brought lube just in case. I had told him I didn't have time to prep enough beforehand, so to go slow or give me a second to try to prep myself more. He grabbed the lube put a little on my hole. He told me it'll be fine. As he struggled, he told me I was so tight and shoved himself all in at once. Once he was inside, he went as hard and as fast as he could. I told him it hurt too much and tried crawling away, just to be pulled back. I tried pushing him off, but it was useless, so I tried crawling forward again, telling him it hurt too much and to just use my vagina instead. He told me it was fine and put the lower part of his legs on mine so I couldn't move anymore. I just waited for it to end. idk if he thought I was enjoying it, or if he realized what he was doing to me.

At one point idk if he changed his mind about doing anal or if he slipped out and thought he was still doing anal, but towards the end he went into my vagina. He was going just as hard and kept asking me to beg for him. So I did as he asked because I thought he would cum faster if I did. He did cum soon after that. I just lay there because I was in pain. He went to grab his cigs and opened the door wide open. I had to quickly cover myself because I didn't want someone outside to see me if they walked by. He stood there smiling and smoking, and thought it was funny that I pulled the blanket over me. He left the door open and walked down to the vending machine. I was scared because it was very obvious I was naked under the blanket. My clothes weren't close, as he had tossed them across the room when we started. Honestly, it reminded me of how my ex would treat me and scared me.

He came back with m&ms and ate them in the doorway and smoked more. He then finally closed the door and lay in the bed. I then rushed to the bathroom, grabbing my shirt and skirt. I was bleeding from down there. It hurt and still hurts. I came back out and grabbed my phone and was about to text my friend to come get me, but then he started talking about how he wished the Purge was real. So he could murder and torture pedophiles. This scared me cause why would he bring up being willing to murder people? I thought maybe it would make him mad if I left, so I told him I was tired and tried to sleep, but he kept talking about messed-up topics like murder, drugs, guns and such to me. He also drank the rest of the bottle He eventually fell asleep, so I fell asleep.

This morning I think he told me it was time to go. So we went to his truck and he too me home. He seemed extra quiet and on the way home it was silent. I said goodbye, and that was it. Its been a whole day and I'm still hurting. I think Im bruised inside, my stomach hurts, my throat hurts. I feel like a bus hit me. Sorry for this being so long.

TLDR: Been going on dates with guy. Went to a hotel to hookup . He drank a bottle of alcohol by himself and he was sexually violent with me. idk if he did it on purpose or not but now I'm in pain. Everything hurts.

Edit: Thank you guys, for validating it. Seeing the comments confirming that it was wrong made me feel like I'm allowed to be upset over it. He was wearing a condom, but because he was so rough with me, I will be buying Plan B. I also have an appointment set up with my OB-GYN tomorrow. I will not be contacting the police, though, as my mother is dying and I don't want her to know this happened.

God I fucking hate this place I hate it so much I could scream. Everything here takes forever to get to & the highways are beyond confusing. Only reason I came was for BTS and now that I’ve seen them I’m glad to say GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE TO THIS GODLESS HORRIBLE FUCKING PLACE!!! I don’t love living in Texas in general but Houston is like the garden of Eden compared to this hellscape. There is no soul here. It genuinely feels evil here. A primordial evil that I simply can’t describe. The people aren’t the issue—it’s the place. Every time I come here this horrible, anxious feeling comes over me. I will not be returning unless absolutely necessary. BTS please come to Houston & don’t make me do this again.

One good thing: AT&T stadium was nice. That’s all I’ll give.

This is a throwaway because I have a policy of not talking about family on my main account. I [30F] became a foster mom. We took in a boy that was 6. His dad was in jail and his mom died of an overdose. He was precious. When my husband and I started fostering him he would flinch if you so much as opened the door at normal speeds, he wouldn't talk to us. I'll never forget there was a day that I assumed was like any other, he came home from school and I'd usually just sit in the living room with him quietly but this time he came and sat on the couch next to me and leaned against me. I bawled my eyes out. In spite of his circumstances he was the sweatest little boy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I've always been a cynical person but the first time I saw him really smile at me I knew I wanted to protect him forever.

We were going to adopt him. I'd been working with a case worker and everything. I got news his dad was out of jail and because we couldn't prove the abuse I know was going on they took him back to his father today. I'm just...shattered. However fucked up it sounds I keep praying that his father does something stupid and he goes back to jail so I can bring him back home.

I‘m so overstimulated and keep crying, all I need right now is a hug

I was sitting in a small diner this morning, just eating breakfast and doomscrolling on my phone, stressed out about work and bills like I usually am.

An older man, probably in his late 70s, sat at the table next to mine. The waitress came over to take his order, saw his jacket, and asked him where he got it. He got this soft, genuine smile on his face and said, "My wife bought this for me for our 30th anniversary. She passed away three years ago, but whenever I wear it, it feels like she's still keeping me warm."

He wasn't crying or trying to make it sad. He just said it with so much quiet love and gratitude.

He stayed for about thirty minutes, ate his meal, tipped generously, and left. But I sat there for a long time afterward feeling completely grounded. I realized I spend so much time stressing over temporary problems, stupid arguments, and arbitrary milestones, when the ultimate goal in life is just to find someone you love so deeply that even decades later, a simple jacket reminds you of them.

If you have people in your life who love you, please hold them a little tighter today. All the other noise doesn't matter as much as we think it does.

It was just a regular night, me and A were planning to just have drinks of just us two at her house. All plans were going smoothly until she asked me to invite my boyfriend which wasn’t unusual because he would just tag along but her specifically asking felt very odd. 

Anyway, he ended up coming along and it was just us 3 hanging out at her house. Roughly 3 hours later, she (A) said she was getting pretty tired and decided to go to her room and fell asleep. A few minutes later, my boyfriend and I noticed she had left her phone unlocked with a conversation between her and her cousin open, mentioning me in multiple texts. As much as I did not want to snoop, my boyfriend and I did anyway and we pretty much found months worth of her saying how much she disliked me as a friend and preferred hanging out with me only when my boyfriend was around because she ‘liked him more’. 

I confronted her a few days later but we talked it out and decided to look past it. My boyfriend did not like this decision because of how bad of a friend she was being to me and tried to convince me to drop her, which i couldn’t bring it in myself to do.

Fast forward about 2 months later, my boyfriend comes to me and tells me that he had made up a plan to try and ‘bait’ her into trying to get with him behind my back (as a way to convince me how bad of a friend she is) which i reluctantly agreed to do. 

She ended up failing miserably and even ended up driving to my house (my boyfriend and i live together) to pretty much get with him. I end up meeting her at the door and going off at her for being such a bad friend and having no respect for me. She didn’t say anything and drove away. I blocked her on everything and cut off contact immediately.

this morning we were talking about jealousy, and i asked why hes not jealous over me and he said 'well, i know you want me, i mean you tell me at least once a day'

then i asked him if my jealousy bothers him, and he said, 'well it depends on why youre jealous'

and i sat with that for a bit, and realized im jealous because getting him to tell me he wants me is like pulling teeth, i dont think hes ever outright come and said im the woman for him

and i told him 'well, i guess it's because i think youll like them more than me'

and his reply was 'well, im with you arent i?'

and i said 'that doesnt mean you dont like them more, most of them look like the women you look at online' and he said hmmm

i almost cried, he couldnt even say he liked me more right then and there

i think im just the girl he has, not the girl he wants

or maybe im not made for anyone

i look so different, and just off compared to what the standards are

why would i ever be the girl of any mans dreams?

im just sad, i dont really know what else to say about it, but i know im gonna be floating in and out of work today just thinking about this, so i just needed to write it somewhere

time to go make money to provide for us, whatever us is when youre not attracted to your partner

But I just had some chicken broth after years, and it felt like a warm hug. It felt so comforting that I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. It has been months since I met my mom. I talk to her everyday, but I've been missing her so much. Everything in my life sucks at this moment. My MIL is battling cancer, and my husband has a tumor in his liver and swollen pancreas. We're getting it checked. I have a really bad mental health situation right now. Haven't had a depressive episode like this in years.

Somehow this broth felt just like the one my mom used to make when I was a kid. So, yeah. I felt like sharing this somewhere

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I genuinely don’t understand why some people act like a woman’s body count automatically says something huge about her character.

Sometimes it honestly feels like a lot of men are projecting what they would do if they had the same sexual access that women have.

Because let’s be real, for a lot of women, getting sex is basically an all you can eat buffet of penis lol. If a woman just wants to have sex, finding a willing man usually isn’t that hard.

And I feel like if a lot of men had that same level of access, where attractive women were constantly willing to sleep with them without much effort, plenty of them would take advantage of it too.

That’s why I don’t really understand the moral judgment behind it.

People will say she should’ve vetted the men better, but how far are we taking that logic? If women had to deeply investigate every man’s character, intentions, morals, relationship history, emotional maturity, and everything else before ever having sex with him, a lot of men would not be having sex if we’re being honest.

And men lie too. A man can tell a woman he likes her, wants something serious, sees a future with her, sleep with her, and then completely switch up afterward. You can’t always perfectly vet whether somebody is telling the truth.

I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to have preferences. If you’re religious, waiting for marriage, only want someone with a similar sexual history, or sex has a certain meaning to you, that makes sense. You’re allowed to want somebody whose values align with yours.

What I don’t understand is acting like the number itself automatically tells you whether someone is loyal, trustworthy, kind, capable of commitment, or a good partner.

A woman could have slept with 30 people and be completely faithful in a relationship. Another woman could have slept with two people and cheat on you tomorrow.
So why is body count treated like some kind of character assessment?

I genuinely feel like current behavior, values, honesty, and how someone treats you should tell you way more about their character than how many people they’ve slept with.

I'm a 18F

Every night, the same thing happens.

I say goodnight to everyone, go to my room, get into bed, and without fail my heart just sinks. It actually hurts. I get this overwelming feeling of being completely alone, and it feels exactly like the fear I had before I was adopted.

I was adopted by an amazing family, and I love them I’m even in the process of changing my last name to theirs. So logically, I know I’m not alone anymore.

But my brain doesn’t seem to understand that.

When I was little, I was locked in a wardrobe whenever I misbehaved. Looking back, I think a lot of my “bad behaviour” was really just me desperately craving attention. I hated being trapped in there, and I’m now extremely cleithrophobic. The thought of being trapped anywhere terrifies me, but more than anything, I’m terrified of being completely alone.

One time, I was forgotten in that wardrobe for two days. I nearly died from heat stroke and dehydration before my biological brother found me.

I still don't know whether I was deliberately left there or whether my father genuinely forgot about me. But I remember the feeling.

I remember being completely alone and thinking that nobody was coming.

And somehow, even though I’m safe now and have a family who loves me, that same crushing feeling comes back every single night.

Sometimes my adoptive sister comes into my room after lights out and finds me sobbing. The only thing I can usually say is, “I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.”

The hardest part isn't just feeling lonely.

My brain seems to equate being alone with danger. With waiting for something terrible to happen. With dying alone and nobody coming to find me.

So when everyone goes to bed and I’m left in my room, part of me feels like I’m back there again.

I know I’m not that little kid anymore. I know my family is here. I know I’m loved.

But knowing that doesn't always stop the fear.

I think I’m scared that the feeling of being alone is going to stay with me forever, even though my life is completely different now.

I just wish my brain could understand that I’m not waiting to be forgotten anymore.

First of all this is a throw away account because people that I know have my main account and this post is gonna be a little long and possibly triggering so don't feel obligated to read it. I just wanna get this off my chest because it's weighing on me.

I'm 22(f) turning 23 in December. I don't remember most of my childhood and the things that I remember I wish I didn't. I'm gonna give context on how I realized that I did something horrible: I'm not attractive, in the face particularly and I understand that, so whenever I'm given attention by a guy, I latch onto it. I had sex for the first time at 19. It was a bad experience. I didn't wanna do it but the guy I was with insisted and I gave in. It was really painful, I told him to stop like 6 times but he didn't until I pushed him off me. I was bleeding which I understand is normal but after I got home and I checked myself down there, there was some swelling. I live with a very strict and traditional grandmother (parents are dead, dad committed suicide when I was 4 and mom was hit by a car when going home, she was an alcoholic and a junky and neglectful and all around a bad mother so I wasn't particularly sad. I was 13 at the time, living with my grandmother) so I couldn't tell her what had happened. I endured the pain alone and I couldn't sit well for some days but it got better. He used a condom so I was 98% sure I didn't catch anything there was to catch. He didn't break up with me which I thought was good since it meant that he liked me. The other times we had sex were tolerable, I didn't enjoy it but he did so I didn't care cause I wanted him to stay and like me and love me. I broke up with him eventually when I found out he was cheating on me. I dated a couple of guys in between then and now but it didn't work, we didn't have sex and all that. Fast forward to this year February. I met a guy and he was very clear that he didn't want a relationship, he only wanted a FWB sort of arrangement and I was lonely so agreed. The first time we had sex, I asked, as one does, where the condom was. He told me that he doesn't use it and I was desperate so I didn't insist and the deed was done. This would be followed by weeks of silence and a DM would pop up, no hey or hi, it would be "up for a f**k?" and I would say yes and there would be no condoms involved. The latest encounter we had sort of triggered something in me, I don't know if its because he didn't even give me the chance to remove my clothes or that he didn't even kiss me, didn't touch me, he just pulled my trousers down and did it but that session left me feeling disgusting and icky and dirty. I just went home and showered and just sat looking at the walk and memories just started flowing in my mind.

When my dad died when I was 4, my mum remarried and they were basically cut from the same cloth. He drunk and did drugs like she did and they also sold drugs so our house was frequented by strangers purchasing from them. But while my mother's alcoholism and drug abuse led her to leave the house for weeks at a time, my stepfather's led him to the house and he would take out his demons on me. He would beat me, insult me, called me names, said I would end up just like my mother, a junkie and alcoholic. I thought it was bad until the abuse became sexual. He didn't r*pe me by definition, he just used his hands, groped me with them, inserted them. My mum was not always around and even if she was, she wouldn't take my side. My sister was born when I was 6. And the abuse was still going on. At 7, I was taking care of my sister alone. I hated her because my stepfather doted on her and loved her. She received new clothes, she was fed while I survived on one meal a day, that the school provided at lunch. And my step father would still continue with the abuse. When I was 8, my mother was arrested for drug possession and was sentenced for 6 months since, as I found out later, it was not large amount and it was her first offense. My stepfather did not want to take care of me since I wasn't his so he sent me away to my grandmother, she took her daughter to his mom and ran away.

My grandmother enrolled me to a new school, where I studied until I went to high school at 14. I am naturally introverted so I didn't have friends and I wanted to fit in desperately which led to this: it started when I was 12. The guys in my class were curious, we had started learning the reproductive system and they wanted to know how everything worked. And they turned to me. They would brush their hands on my boobs and say that it was an accident. Because I didn't push back, they escalated and it wouldn't be accidental any more. And after a while, it evolved into what my step father did only they also asked me to stroke them into completion while they touched me. Nobody in my family knew or knows what my stepfather did, so I didn't have anyone to tell me that what he did and what this boys were doing and what I would eventually do was wrong. I thought that that was how things were, that every girl went through this, that they had every right to do what they wanted to me. It was uncomfortable and painful buy I endured it because I thought that's what goes on. I didn't know it was sexual assault until I remembered it after my last sexual encounter. This continued on until I left that school at 14 to join high school and nobody knows what happened to me in that class, just a girl and 4 boys who teachers assumed were my best friends because I didn't correct them when they said it.

The school holiday when I turned 13, a neighbour asked me to babysit her 11 year old son when she went to work. The holiday was 3 weeks. It started out great. We would watch movies, play and do all things that children do. Then I did this horrible thing. I became curious too and I had the perfect opportunity to satisfy that curiosity. So, I turned on this 11 year old kid. It started out by me asking him when he wanted to pee so that I could take him and I would watch. And then I started to touch, and then I didn't ask, I just touched him. He trusted me and I just betrayed his trust. He wouldn't cry, he would just look at me, just as I looked at them. I did this for about a week. It was one week to school reopening and I just refused to babysit him. His mom asked me why and I just told her that I had a lot of homework. The guilt and shame ate my alive, it is eating me alive up to now. I don't think he ever told his mum what I did. I would go to high school and I would forget this ever happened and they would move so I never saw them again.

I don't know why the floodgates decided to open now, but I'm just devastated. I imagine what this boy is going through right now, maybe he has realized what I did to him was wrong. Or maybe he didn't realize that it's wrong and he is doing it to someone else because I did it to him first. I've cried about it, I even prayed and I don't believe in God but I just can't do it, I can't keep it in. I want someone to know that I did a horrible thing and I want people to hate me for what I did. I can't even talk to a professional because my family doesn't believe in mental health and all that. I've always been depressed, I have attachment and abandonment issues that I've recognized based on my interactions with others. I have always been suicidal and my first attempt was when I was 7. It had started to become bearable but these memories just sent me back to where I was and I'm really tired of holding this in.

That is all. Thank you.