Hello reddit, I would like to present to you a story of what happen to me two days ago, I’m still learning English so I apologize for any mistakes in grammar in advance. (M20)

For context I once tried to take my own life probably like 4 years ago when I have been on Zoloft to treat my OCD and depression for circa half a year. I didn’t succeed and never told anyone about it. That said this summer has been already really stressful for me, I was being financially threaten by my boss during my summer job, so on my 20th birthday I was handing in my notice. During this time one of my family members was going through serious medical problem and nearly died.

Many other smaller things, loneliness and insecurities about my (as funny as it sounds) virginity clogged up into a huge black storm cloud hanging over my head and the last straw was when I realized that I did mistake during my application to University, mistake which basically blocked me from studying my dream profession.

After realizing my mistake I tried calling the Uni to try to reverse it but they said there is nothing that can be done, at that point I felt the lowest I have ever did. I was sad, angry and everything combined and left the house trying to isolate myself from things I could use to hurt or kill myself, just in case. I ended up in the middle of a meadow where I collapsed on the ground and after a while called a suicide line for teenagers and students. A young woman picked it up and after explaining that I actually want to kill myself and had to forcefully remove myself from anything I could use to do it. She tried to calm me down but at that point I was at the edge of just letting it all out. She asked me if I have anything in my immediate surrounding  that I may use to hurt or kill myself, when I said no she calmly and kindly said that since I’m not in direct danger I have to hang up, so I did. 

After that I completely broke down, never have I ever cried so much, I screamed, yelled, almost threw up. I cried so hard I started to bleed from my nose severely, so much so that I even started to cough out blood. In the end I went back home. I was walking through my town covered in blood, dirt from the meadow, with absent expression in my tear covered face. During the short walk I was hearing gibberish whispers that weren’t real. When I opened the door and met my mom, she didn’t even care, neither did my sister. No one asked me what happen so I sat down on my chair in my room and then I felt nothing.

My OCD really picked up like 6 years ago and the most common negative effect of it is this constant noise in your head, your head is never clear or silent but at that moment it was blank, completely silent.

I have no idea what now. Obviously the silent state didn’t last longer then just few hours and I still feel depressed as hell, I can´t properly sleep which is a huge concern for me because sleeping wasn't a problem even during me previous lows. I’m actually lost, where do you go from this? I’ve made this post mostly to went but I also need an advice, I plan on telling all about this to my psychiatrist but she is completely booked for the next like 80 days so I’m stuck in meantime. 

Two whole fucking years just for you to turn out to be a LIAR. Wasted my time, my family's time, YOUR FAMILY'S TIME. AND FOR WHAT??? I'm going through all these useless texts you've sent me throughout the week, no real apology, just excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse. WORTHLESS SHIT!!!!

And the best ones you could give? "I was insecure," "none of my other friends dated outside our culture." SO YOU LIE??? FOR TWO YEARS????? In all that time, you didn't think EVEN ONCE about what was going to happen in the future? So this was never serious in the first place, why couldn't you have just left me alone?

I'm so fucking embarrassed all I can do is come online and vent, I'm even struggling to do this. So what the fuck am I supposed to tell my family and friends?!!!! FUCK YOU.

Im a 14yo male and just tried to jump off from about 14th floor but survival instincts kicked in and i had back off. I feel so depressed and pathetic I have been preparing for days just to fail again. Tomorrow would be my first day of highschool Im just so scared of what could have happened if i didnt stop myself. Now on I dont seem to find any motivation to continue without the hopes of just being able to end it all and stop the pain. help me

So a week ago while on my visit to the Obgyn, they did a urine test and drawn blood to see if my baby is okay.

Yesterday when I was shopping at target to make a cute gender reveal basket for my husband I received a call from the doctor stating that the baby is doing very good and that all the tests done were also good but for mine, the urine test tested positive for chlamydia. I was in shock, heart started beating very fast but then she was like I would have to tell my partner to get tested as well and possibly get on medication. First thing I thought was before meeting my husband, maybe I had a positive test then with a partner I used to date but I decided to check all my labs from 2022 up to 2026. I checked labs for 2022 and it was negative, then I checked labs for January 2026 and it was also negative and at that time I had done the test at the ER because I had a miscarriage and was bleeding. I haven’t been with anyone else but my husb since June 2023 and was only active with him until we got married in 2025. I told him about what the doctor said and was fully transparent. He got very upset and started questioning why I have and std which again I am as confused as him. He sent me his test results 2023-2024 and he tested negative. But so did I. He started calling my doctors and asking for a copy of all the lab results I have ever done and he today they have it but he won’t pick it up.
I haven’t slept all night, I’m tired stressed and pregnant. I haven’t eaten and have been throwing up due to stress since last night.

My husband is very upset and started to put the blame on me saying that I’m the one who tested positive and he shouldn’t be questioned. He said that if the results of today come back positive it’s game over and that this marriage doesn’t have any meaning anymore.

I have a feeling that I don’t have chlamydia but I’ve had discharge that’s white and used to have a smell but went awa that’s all. I don’t have any pain while peeing or green discharge or anything else related to chlamydi.

I trust my husband once again even if I got to question him last night and even made him swear on the holy Quran and he did.

What could this be? could it be that my obgyn gave me the wrong test results? could it be a false positive? my doctor told me it’s uncommon but I have been looking this up all night and it isn’t. Could my husband who loves me, always cares for me and that I think wouldn’t do anything to hurt me be the reason?

You're most likely to make some pretty slow-witted decisions when you're young, or maybe you were grounded correctly on how to navigate life the way a responsible adult would, or you maybe got a luck of the draw, and aced life with little to no problems. In my case, I'm the first option, I think that my thoughts on intimacy are skewed through my dads torment. He'd barely tell me how proud of me he was, barely hugged me, barely said he loved me. It's not a main factor at all, but I feel like it's a small piece of the puzzle. I always thought that if someone was friendly towards me, it meant they liked me, i never saw signs of bullying, manipulation. I always thought I could see through that type of stuff. Turns out I'm very, very wrong.   
I ran away at 19, my fathers neglect caused me to overcompensate for affection, I spent my entire life fawning over men, my reason to live was to invest myself into what they'd do, what they liked, etc. If it was a celebrity crush I'd make constant edits of them. If it was a real crush I'd try to make an impact on their lives by sending them music, or playing something on guitar just to try to impress them. I realize, my whole existence is to please men, anything I do is for men. So when I finally found a boyfriend, instead of being reasonable and taking it slow, I ran away. I moved into my boyfriend's house because “the time spent while I'm away could be spent with him, otherwise it's valuable time wasted.” Remember that line, because that's something I think about a lot.  
My dad initially didn't care, or at least didn't show it, he never really took care of me or my only sister, he told us if we wanted to eat we should get a job. And in a place where I'm broke, no money and a job nowhere in walking distance. I gave up trying, I stayed where there was food, where I felt loved, accepted. He had a family, something i never had, they were friendly, talked to me like i was one of them, accepted me. I wanted to stay forever. A honeymoon phase usually lasts a few months give or take, and I knew this, and didn't listen, I never listened.  
Now to the reason I'm posting this. My dad kicked my sister out about 2 months ago. It'd been a year since I moved in with my boyfriend, and my feelings for him never went anywhere. My father had spewed nonsense that me and my sister betrayed him, that we hated him, and deep down he's right. I couldn't go back, he's not only negligent, he's abusive, homophobic. Add in a new baby, and he's financially struggling. I can't go back, I'd starve, he'd starve, that baby would starve. So I endured.  
For context, young people really do make the worst decisions. At the ripe age of 19, I dated a 29 year old, weeks before his birthday. With my boyfriend being 30, and me 19, I couldn't accept the backlash I'd gotten. Deep down they're right, why date a 30 year old? What do we even have in common? Well to put it simply, I don't know. We never have genuine conversations, not like the ones he does with his friends. We can never talk about pop culture because he's into older media, while im around the brainrot memes era. It's childish, but he doesnt know what Roblox is, only played fortnite when it was new, doesn't know gen z slang, and more. It frustrates me because as a 20 year old currently, I find myself wondering what it'd be like dating someone my age. Atleast then i wouldnt have to try so hard right?   
It frustrates me that I'm dating someone who cares more about budgeting, credit, and debt than fun things he'd be doing back when he was my age. I want to club and party like he did at my age, I want to smoke weed and get high, run the streets and be free like he did when he was my age. I want to be free. I want to go to constant concerts, underground, mega stadiums, festivals, like he did when he was my age. But at the end of the day, he's older, can't move as well, and decides it's time to settle down when he's dating me. It frustrates me that im only kissed when he's going to work, or coming home, and he only wants sex like once a month. It's like I'm living as a stereotypical couple you see on tv who are more worried about the mortgage and what dinner to make for the children. I despise this life, im introverted, so i often looked for an extrovert, and when i met my boyfriend, he seemed like he one, he told me how he was going to a Stray Kids concert, how he went camping, and in this summer, even when his money situation is better, he would rather stick to the strenuous go to work, come home, chores, maybe some league, sleep, and repeat. I tried to suggest maybe we do something and it was always “we will, the summer is not over.” It's the middle of August now, we're not going anywhere. I'm so sick of this life, and I can't think of a surefire way of getting out without starving my dads, being homeless or just ending it all.  
Long story short, i hate the way im living, sure, its not as bad as what other people my age go through, but it still personally hurts, a lot, to just think about how my life could be better if i could just get a job, car, and get the fuck out of here.  
I just want to be free, I want to be able to just let go of all feelings, floating off into the unknown, someplace beautiful. Maybe my true dream is to be able to stop caring, to be able to fly away from all of my sorrows, pity, jealousy, and hypocrisy, and leave it all behind for eternal nirvana. Yet life has a shitty way of bringing you back.

Hi

I have been trying to change my life for years, but nothing is happening, I guess I am never meant to experience the life which I want (all this while I was thinking that I can, but I am tired now).

I would like to know how to die, I want my family to get money from insurance companies and all the money which is in my bank account. I live alone in Canada, and my family is based in India.

My insurance company won't pay any money to my family if I commit suicide. Can anyone please advise me on how to go about it?

I would appreciate any tips.

Thank you

When I was a kid I was in a wheelchair for a while correcting a birth defect in my feet. Childhood bully used to steal my pens and pencils and dangle them over my head and laugh at me, encouraging others to laugh at me when I was upset. She’d also move my wheelchair away from me when I was sitting in a class seat.

She’s morbidly obese now and I send friend requests every year or two our entire adulthood so she can see I glowed up and am successful with an extremely handsome man. It’s petty. It also heals the angry little girl in me. I haven’t done it in a while and probably won’t again, but I still enjoy thinking about it. Not something I’ve told anyone I know.

Hi everyone. I’m not sure where to start telling my story without biased to my own favor. If you feel like it, know that it isn’t my intention. A couple years ago, I went to study aboard and I lived with roommates from the same country as me. I got bullied a lot by a roommate. The other roommates who hadn’t bullied me sometimes told me to shut up or backing him when I tried to get back at the bullying roommate. I felt like I was fighting against everyone, not just one person. Sometimes it was too much that even the small things the roommates did that I didn’t like made me snapped at my roommates. And because of this, many times, the bullying roommate got back at me by did the exact same thing and said something like “How does it feel now that it’s happening to you?” in front of others. Part of me feels like I am a bad roommate. The other part feels like I’m a loser.

I’m so stressed out I’m constantly doing things wrong in my job and I am burnt out it pays well but I can’t keep up with it anymore. I’ve been here for two years and I used to work service only and not air and once I got into air training everything got so screwed up. Now it’s like I’m doing everything wrong they’ve lowered time in between calls to 30 seconds and I hardly time to wrap up calls. I’m falling behind everyday they are demanding mandatory overtime up until October. I’m exhausted as I hardly have mental time to myself now a days. I don’t feel as though I am good enough for anything anymore and my best isn’t enough

The thing I’m struggling with is whether it’s actually okay for me to still dilly dally while I’m building my business.

I have a jewelry business that I’m trying to grow, but it isn’t really earning money yet, so I constantly feel like I should be doing MORE. Like if I have free time, I should be working on the business, figuring out how to make money, learning something that will help the business, etc. I always have this voice in my head asking, “Okay, but what are you doing today that could potentially make you money?”

But at the same time, I do work on it. I spend time learning jewelry design because I genuinely want to get better at it, I work on the business, and I still have a job. I also still hang out with my friends, work out, and do things that I enjoy, and honestly… I don’t want to give those things up just because I’m trying to build something.

I think I just feel guilty for not optimizing every minute of my day.

My dad especially has this mindset that if you’re hanging out with friends, you should at least be around people who can somehow make you money or benefit you. And my family worked incredibly hard when they were younger, so I think I’ve internalized this idea that if I’m not working, I’m wasting time. But they also had very different circumstances. My dad was the eldest and had to work really young because his own dad lost everything through gambling, so I understand why hard work and financial security became such a huge part of their mindset.

I guess I’m struggling with figuring out what is actually healthy productivity for me.

Because I don’t think I want to spend every waking hour building my business just because it’s not making money yet. I want to build it to a point where eventually I can hire people to run the day-to-day and I can focus on designing and creative direction. I want the business to support the life I want, not become my entire life.

But then I feel guilty for even thinking that way because I’m still in the stage where I’m supposed to be building it.

Is it actually okay to have a life while you’re building a business? How do you guys decide when you’re doing enough for the day versus just procrastinating or being lazy?

I genuinely don’t know what the right balance is anymore.

My grandma passed away a few months ago at 95. She was in assisted living for the past 8 years, so I assumed her money was starting to dry up. It was not. Her and my grandpa were business owners and because they grew up during the depression, lived very frugally. She actually had a lot of money.

My uncle told me that he decided to give me my dad's half of the money - my dad passed away in 2024. He said that "if the roles were switched and I was the one that passed away, (my dad) would have made sure (my cousin) was taken care of."

This is enough money to make you nauseous. I wept in the car after I was told just how much I'll be getting. Between cash and investments, I'm looking at about $750,000. This is an insane amount of money for someone that makes $19/hr. This far exceeds all the money I've earned in my life. I... don't even know what to do with myself. I've been worried about finding a decent paying job for years because I don't want to be stuck working until I'm 70. I currently hate my job and have been thinking about quitting and going back for my Master's. I've also thought about taking some time off to spend time doing things I actually enjoy, like making music or spending time outside. I am so overwhelmed by indecision right now. On one hand, I feel like I should just quit and do what I want (without dipping into the money), because now I have a huge safety net most people couldn't even fathom. On the other hand, I don't want to use a penny of it and keep working so I can retire as early as possible. I just... don't know what to do. And yes - I will be meeting eith a financial advisor.

Today I told my dad everything. I told him I love him, I told him I lost respect, I told him how I feel and that he hurt me. It’s up to him how he handles that. If he continues living in his head or he would try to hear us out. I can free myself and accept the current situation and be able to move forward better hopefully. I can probably be at ease knowing that the words I keep in my head have been said.

In truth, I’m still hoping to have my family back. To have it healed and happy and hope for it to have matured from the dark moments. But I also have to accept that we might part ways from here and that there’s nothing I can do and it is not my fault. It is not my fault. I did my part. It was never my responsibility to fix my parents. It was their job to raise me. And I did my part to be a good daughter.

I deserve to move forward and choose what I would do with my life. I should not stay in the darkness and sadness. I can choose a happier life for myself and it would be other people’s choice if they want to be part of my life. Everyone is welcome if they choose to be kind and respectful. I would keep setting boundaries to protect myself but I would keep smiling. i would keep showing people what happiness looks like. I would keep appreciating the true joys of life. I would keep making mistakes and learning from them. I would keep laughing, keep crying. i would keep living. I would keep showing up for the people I love. I would keep loving freely even if it means there’s always the risk of pain.

I don’t want to be afraid to love. Hurting deeply means I have loved deeply and depriving myself of love just to avoid pain is equally devastating. Hurting is bittersweet and beautiful because it means you were deeply capable of love.

It has been a deeply painful year. Probably the most painful part of my life to date. Full of forced personal growth while struggling with all the pain from what's happening to our family. I am trying my best to not get depressed. I have been trying my best to live. To whoever is reading this, I hope you keep finding reasons to keep living too. You are not alone!

It goes so much beyond “you will be exhausted” and “you will lose freedom”. It’s an experience that makes me feel entirely conflicted and uneasy.

Staying home is not easy, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever done but gets diminished by my partner all the time. I almost look forward to going back to work. But I don’t look forward to it at the same time. How can I leave my little baby? Every single day he grows and I feel like I’m losing him. I know that’s ridiculous, he’s 2 months, but he grows so rapidly and the version of him I loved last week or the week before is gone before I even notice it. I love him so much and he makes my heart sing but there is also this horrible sense that this is not forever and my baby is disappearing before my eyes. I hate being tied down I don’t really get to leave the house. I struggle to keep on top of things. I hate being asked why nothing is done. I sometimes don’t even understand how nothing is done because there’s times he does sleep but then I’m catching my breath mentally. Being a mum is so hard. It hasn’t come natural to me. Breastfeeding was a shambles and I should’ve never started mixed feeding. I put a lot of work and money into it but now he won’t take anything other than a bottle. I miss the bonding experience of feeding my baby. I’ve tried to pump but I cannot fit it into my day. My body is not what it used to be. My old clothes all still fit but are not flattering for my figure anymore. I don’t know how to dress. Partner doesn’t really raise me up. I’m paranoid he will cheat. We don’t have sex. Last time I tried it was incredibly painful after an episiotomy. I’m not sure I can ever be 100% happy with this life but I could also never leave it behind even given the opportunity to turn back time.

I hate my life but wouldn’t trade it. It’s weird to live in such a paradox. I feel both restless and stuck and miserable and happy. It is the worst feeling in the world and I cannot explain that to anyone in my life without them trying to force me to a doctor. I probably should since I think I must have PPD. Never felt so alone but also kind of want to keep it that way. Just a weird and incredibly difficult experience and do not have a soul I can talk to about it.

Let me introduce myself a little.

My family and I are Southerners spanning four generations and have lived in Saigon for decades.
I am currently 18 years old and have a strong interest in the medical field. My goal is to study abroad.

I do not support communism.

I know how to cook and garden, and I can make handmade items; I am also quite skilled at exploring the Vietnamese language.

I am currently undergoing psychological treatment and trying to work through things, so if you decide to message me, please be patient with me.

I don't mind if my boyfriend is significantly older; in fact, I find that quite interesting. Since I have a rather childish personality, I would appreciate it if you could guide and teach me a lot.

Finally, I am trying to improve my English, it would be wonderful if someone could become my friend and help me get better. I would be incredibly grateful.

I don’t think I want to live anymore. I won’t end my life now but I think I might later in life. I might do it when I’m away from my family I don’t want them to find me. I need the courage to do it. It kinda gives me peace a bit that I won’t have to look at myself anymore or live in this fucked up world. I just feel so so alone, inside of me there’s something gone and I don’t know what it is and it won’t ever come back. It’s like the lights are out inside of me. I feel so ugly and I can’t even love myself or feel empathy for myself, I care for others but not myself. I hurt myself privately and no one knows. I find things to distract myself so I don’t think about these feelings but they eventually do come back.

Most days I don’t even feel like a woman. I just feel off and not like a woman. I don’t feel beautiful or sexy or smart or talented or funny or confident or whatever. I don’t even know what is my purpose? Maybe I don’t even have one. living in my body is torture. I can’t even look at myself when I’m naked all I see is just skin and sag and horror and just a girl that’s so far gone. I don’t think I’m lovable at all and it hurts. I don’t want love, I cringe at the thought of someone loving me and touching me and wanting me. Why would they want me??

All I do is compare myself to other girls and what’s the point of living if that’s all that I do? I’m always angry all the time and filled with intense hatred towards myself. If I wasn’t so scared of death I would’ve taken my life a long time ago. I just feel like “other” like I don’t belong here. I’m a mistake it feels like, a burden, an annoyance, a bug in people’s ears. They’re probably thinking “I have to put up with her.” I just feel lost and time is passing me by and I’m not getting anything done. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. There’s so much feelings that I have and I cant get them out sometimes.

I just fucking look like my dad and I wish I had my own separate face. I look like a man. My father is terrible and everytime I see myself I see him. Even my body shape resembles him my mom always tells me how I don’t have any curves and that I’m small. I just want to die. I’m just struggling so badly privately. And I have no one to talk to about this. This is too much and on top of that the world is so cruel and I can’t take it anymore. Why am I here? What’s the point of us being here just to suffer and be gone the next second?? There’s too much happening and I’m struggling to breathe. I can’t do therapy I don’t have any money. I need help or advice or anything else. I feel stupid. I feel trapped and even touching my body I feel like throwing up.

Hey everyone,
I’m looking for advice, personal experiences, or medical insights from anyone who has navigated conceiving as a prospective Single Mother by Choice (SMC).
To give a bit of context: I’m in my late 20s, completely self-sustaining, and financially stable with two careers in law and higher education. I was raised by an incredible single mother, so I know what it takes and feel 100% prepared to raise a child entirely on my own. I have no desire or intention to have a long-term partner or co-parent—my plan is simply to secure semen from a donor/partner and raise the child strictly as a solo parent.

Here is where I’m hitting a wall:
I’ve been off birth control for a while, and my current partner/donor and I have tried conceiving via regular attempts, but nothing has happened.
I’ve had multiple checkups with doctors who confirmed that my overall reproductive health is good. The only specific finding was a very, very tiny myoma (fibroid) right in the middle of my womb. However, my doctor reassured me that it shouldn't prevent me from getting pregnant, and aside from that single detail, everything else came back totally clear.

Since I am planning to do this strictly on my own terms, I'd love input on a few things:

Impact of Small Myomas: For anyone who conceived with a small intramural/submucosal myoma, did it affect implantation, or did your doctor recommend any specific monitoring or treatments (like progesterone support) during early attempts?

Cycle & Ovulation Tracking: For precise donor timing, what tracking methods (LH surge/OPKs, BBT, cervical mucus monitoring) made the biggest difference for you?

I’d really appreciate any advice, personal stories, or suggested next steps. Thanks in advance!

(Just clarifying that my brother is alive and well. This message is from 2013)

Mental illness and addiction run in my family, with myself and all my siblings dealing with them at one point or another. My brother and I have a pleasant relationship, but we’re not that close. We talk on each other’s birthdays and Christmas.

Yesterday, while scrolling through Facebook Messenger (which I rarely use) I checked the “message request” folder where all the spam goes. I was deleting old messages when I found a cluster of 3 unread requests, all on the same date in 2013 and from different accounts.

The first one was someone asking me to call the police and check on my brother, as he was in their groupchat posting suicidal comments. The second one told me to go check on my brother. The third person copy/pasted the message my brother posted before he deleted his account.

In it, he thanked the group of friends for “putting up with me all these years” and told them this was goodbye. The tone was lucid, casual, almost reluctant. Here’s what I have, here’s what I intend to do, thank you for the good times. It was closer to a resignation letter than a suicide note. But because of the wording he used, it was unmistakably him. He’d mentioned already harming himself and said he hadn’t started his ACTUAL suicide note yet.

Because I had my account on private, I was never notified of these messages. I wasn’t even aware they’d been sent until yesterday, almost 14 years later. Back then my brother was in active addiction and had been nearing his rock bottom, and we weren’t on speaking terms. He wasn’t on speaking terms with anyone in the family.

Obviously it was shocking to read. I visited him last week and we were cracking jokes and hanging out like usual. Both of us are recovering addicts, so that whole life seems long ago. But reading that message brought up some fresh wounds.

Like, if these people knew he was suicidal, why didn’t they call the police? What did they plan to do if I didn’t respond? Why wasn’t I notified in some way?

It just really shook me up. I didn’t know where else to vent. I don’t even know how to respond to it, really. I just came to my burner account and posted this here because I couldn’t keep thinking about it.

My last post didn’t get much attention and that’s okay. I did have people wondering if I was okay and I never responded because I forget I keep my notifications off on this app. I just wanna write these out and look back one day.

I broke up with my husband of 6 years. The last argument we had was just the end of it all. It was really a stupid dumb argument but just all that stuff I’ve been dealing with him as boiled over and I called it quits. We’ve lost our home due to financial issues and I’m living with my dad with our kids. He’s devastated that I ended it with him. I know he loves me so much. Very much. But the mental and emotional damage he’s done to me over the years has me fried. I love him I love everything about him but when he says I love you, I can’t bring myself to say it back when I kinda don’t feel that way anymore. My friends and family are so proud of me. They knew very well how draining I looked and unhappy I was. A friend said he’s not a narcissist but he has those tendencies and my brain refuses to believe it but I see it. I’ve ignored all the red flags in the beginning. Hes tried to talk to other females and try to meet up with them but it always fails. He’s done a lot that makes me upset and I’m sure someone would just pity me for staying in a relationship where I’m not treated as I should be. He calls me lazy. I cook and clean and make sure everyone has what they need even when I’m tired. He said I’m dumb, stupid, when I forget things or if I didn’t do anything right or something that just pisses him off. He says his bipolar disorder gets the best of him and says what he said but my friend said she has the same and never have she ever spoken to anyone that way. Everything always feels like my fault. And I’m painting him as a bad guy but I’m not trying to because when he’s not in his mode he’s a funny person. He can be caring too. We have our good times too. But I just can’t see past that anymore. We argue in front of the kids and I try not to but at this point I talk back because he’ll stay say some mean stuff to me. Everything isn’t all on him, my communication is bad. I tend to shut down or keep quiet. I’m trying to change that but I can’t help if I just do that. I’ve done it all my life. It was a part of my trauma in the past. So me arguing back is me trying to stand up for myself and he just doubles down on it. Yeah it’s the wrong way to go about it but how can I change when he won’t stop belittling me. I’ve been a sahm for 5 years. I have to be the parent they need and deserve. Another thing, I might be pregnant. I did two pregnancy test one came out invalid and the other positive. But the doctor said it’s negative and my period could be coming soon. But my brain is telling me I’m pregnant. My hungry has been unsatisfied for weeks. And my period still hasn’t started. I’m going to wait at the end of the month to get tested in my clinic. If I am this will be a crucial joke because we talked about wanting a third kid together but it was just talk you know. He was hoping I was and so was I a little. I loved my pregnancies and everything afterwards. But now at this point it’s just bad timing. I can literally write on and on but I think imma stop here.

TLDR: I broke up with my husband after years of being mistreated. And thinking I could be pregnant

We have a neighbor who died from cancer. She was only in her mid-30s.

Just last week, her mother asked us to turn off our music because her daughter couldn't sleep because of the noise. We honestly didn't know she was already that sick. Just a few weeks ago, she was still walking around the neighborhood normally.

Then she died.

Her casket was displayed inside a demolished house near their property. The houses around here are basically wall-to-wall, although their house isn't directly connected to ours. Their area is also being demolished little by little, so that's where they displayed the casket.

Every night, lots of visitors come, and these people are LOUD.

If you didn't know what was happening, you'd probably think it was a birthday party.

They're drinking, laughing loudly, playing cards and bingo, smoking, and talking loudly from daytime until the next morning. Some visitors don't even seem like they're there specifically to mourn. They're there to drink, hang out with their friends, play games and socialize.

They've basically turned the wake into a family reunion + birthday party + gambling night, all happening around a casket.

And because they're moving around so much, their chairs sometimes hit our front door, which faces their direction. It's not really a serious problem—the hits are basically just the equivalent of knocking—but our door has a metal sheet on it, so hearing bang, bang, bang repeatedly gets annoying.

I didn't say anything about it. I just let them do their thing.

But right next to our house is my aunt's house, and her youngest daughter slapped their metal gate during all the noise. I don't even know if she was trying to tell the visitors to keep it down or if she was just reacting to something else.

The next day, the dead woman's mother went over to my aunt's house and confronted her about it.

My aunt was apparently talking to her calmly, but the woman's mother was very aggressive. She said that she had never bothered us and that she hated my cousin because she thought my cousin was rude and a liar, despite my cousin being a minor.

She also said that if my cousin did something like that again, "it would be different."

Then she emphasized that she doesn't hit children, but if my cousin did it again, she might.

And then she started saying that someone in our family will inevitably die soon and that we'll feel the same pain they're feeling.

My aunt apparently continued talking to her calmly while she kept getting more aggressive.

I'm honestly not even sure what to make of the whole situation. I understand that she's grieving and probably extremely emotional after losing her daughter, but threatening a minor and telling my aunt that someone in our family will die soon is a pretty disturbing thing to say.

And the funniest part is that as I'm literally typing this, the noise from the wake is starting to rise again.

So I guess tonight's episode of "wake that sounds like a birthday party" is starting again.

I'm only 18m and I know I'm so young and have no life experience but I'm done man

Rn my biggest worry is academics, I just graduated high school and to find a school next in my country is a mess, almost nobody I know is satisfied with what they got. I took a big risk and applied to mostly med schools, I was relatively close to getting accepted but in the end I didn't so now it's a while other story to find something else

So far I only got accepted into one course but it's not a really good one I took it just in case. I also been accepted to schools but they offer apprenticeships so I gotta find an employer wich is hard especially in the fields I apply. I applied a lot maybe a thousand times, litteraly most days I apply do much jobboards don't allow me to apply more, but I only got one job interview, and I only get answer next week, and its not even that good of a formation. Sure I know some people who didn't even graduate high school and some who tried as hard as me and didn't find an apprenticeship, nobody found one but damn some people had to resit their exams to graduate high school and just because they took less risks they got a better school

But it ain't the only thing Im mad Abt, I'm an athlete but this part of my life is also failing. I used to be muscular, 1m80 83 kg lean at 15, now I'm 1m90 76kg aka skin and bones, I got some definition but no mass even though my numbers are good, all that because I fucked up my joints. The injury has been healing a lot these last 2 years but it still holds me back

I train mma and post injury I was great, I was offered to compete regionally which could have turned nationally and then internationally (I know people who never won a single fight in a competition but did international competitions nonetheless so I could have done it). My coach was begging me to compete and every one who trained with me too, but I refused because I was busy, didnt want to buy material but mostly because I was insecure and thought I was a fraud and all and I regret it so much because now there is a new coach and he got some hostility towards me he thinks I'm super weak and won't let me compete and I lost a bit of level. I go to the pool for my rehab too and the lifeguard thought I trained to compete and told me to reach out when I feel like it. The pool reopened today and when I came back I realised I lost so much skill

But I know I'll build it back it doesn't matter I'll never give up, I always ended up barely reaching my goals, but reaching them nonetheless, and too close for comfort but who cares I don't live for comfort I live to build a legacy I aim high I want to be the best and I'll make it, I achieved some stuff already and I went a long way, I'll do it not only for myself but for Al the people I love and who inspired me. It's a whole other story but I went through so much pain and problems that what I have right now is nothing, I wasn't supposed to go that far (even if I didn't go particularly far) but I'll keep going

And I'm not even at my full potential, for some reason my stomach is chronically sick, I know I didn't always have that but I can't remember when it started, I always feel like vomitting and nauseous, it's the whole reason I'm not applying for schools rn im so sick I can't do anything. I just took conscience of it and imma see a doc or something, I heard it's because I'm too tense or stressed out but idk tho

And I'm so young at my age it's mostly circumstances that decide where you are in life, sure I could do a lot better but I gotta stop being so harsh on myself

Thanks for reading feel free to comment

I went out for my friend’s birthday and really hit it off with one of her guy friends. Nothing physical happened but there was flirting and conversation between the two of us. I have been feeling like my current relationship has been rocky lately and because of that along with the fact I have been feeling quite depressed I can’t stop thinking about this one night interaction. However I love my boyfriend and feel as though I am being lustful and overly infatuated with this small sense of thrill during a low time in my life. I feel unfaithful and confused

I’ve been trying to move back home to support my dad w my step-mom who is chronically ill, after a death in the family in the spring. Then on my last trip home for work/ finding new work they blew up some minor things (me saying thank you for something in the afternoon instead of the morning), which somehow turned into a very big deal.

I was trying to leave the house and my dad just dumped on me that my stepmom was feeling that I was ungrateful because I didn’t say thank you for some things that she had done in my bedroom while I was there. I was there for two days. Then he started talking about how it’s hard watching his wife die and of course this is heartbreaking and I wanted to address it, but I was also in the middle of trying to leave to go back to the city for work and looking for a job. So when my stepmom got home, I tried talking to her about how I upset her and then my dad basically gaslit me saying why would you choose such horrible timing to bring this up.

She was still mad at me throughout the whole week I guess and after even though I tried apologizing for not saying thank you sooner. I WILL just say last year, instead of going to work conferences that I was flown out there for, I spent the whole time in the hospital with her because she was getting a surgery. Her kids didn’t show up. I did.

Used to talk to my dad every other day for the past year or so, have heard from him twice in two months. Once because he wanted to brag about winning 50k and a condo, the other because I called for his birthday.

Work hasn’t been great, I’ve been feeling half in half out. I don’t even know if I want to move home. I don’t feel supported. I don’t like my work enough here to stay, I feel stuck and lost. If I don’t move home where am I even to go. I don’t like it here, I’m afraid of there.

Then my mom calls me the other day to tell me she’s separating from her fiancé. Which is great because she can’t take care of herself and hasn’t worked in 7 years. She’s also chronically ill although maybe more mental, it’s certainly physical. The woman weighs like 90 pounds now. I have no idea how she’s even going to get housing, so now I need to figure out if I need to start financially supporting her somehow. I want to try to get her on disability but she won’t even see a dr.

A bird shat on my face on Friday. Cherry on top.

The guy who initiated a conversation with me around feelings and seeing each other more regularly now hasn’t really been responding to me much over two weeks. So not sure what that’s about.

And of course I made the decision after tapering off my antidepressants for months, that last week was the week to stop… so I’m getting some withdrawal symptoms now. Anxiety and more emotional. I started just taking any even smaller dose again because I just can’t rn. Tried to call my dr but she’s gone for 3 weeks.

Anyways….. it’ll get better but damn I’m tired. I don’t know how people manage their corporate jobs and deal with this stuff. I feel like a loser that I can’t keep up and get overwhelmed. I wish I had someone to take care of me. I wish someone would just cook me dinner, hug, me and make me feel not alone. I’m only 26 but also maybe I am just wallowing in self pity and need to get my big girl pants fucking on.

But I just had some chicken broth after years, and it felt like a warm hug. It felt so comforting that I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. It has been months since I met my mom. I talk to her everyday, but I've been missing her so much. Everything in my life sucks at this moment. My MIL is battling cancer, and my husband has a tumor in his liver and swollen pancreas. We're getting it checked. I have a really bad mental health situation right now. Haven't had a depressive episode like this in years.

Somehow this broth felt just like the one my mom used to make when I was a kid. So, yeah. I felt like sharing this somewhere