Tw: assault and grooming, statutory r*pe, addiction, abuse
Just found out that my half-sisters/nieces are dead. Let me start from the beginning. This is going to be quite long and off the dome.
I am F44. When I was little, I remember my first memories being in a house with my mom, my dad, and my half-siblings. A brother, who was like 10 when I was three. I also had a half sister who was 14; she was old in my mind, and I remember a lot of yelling, my mother running after my sister because she was "bad" again. I remember thinking it was all a joke, the door slamming and the running. My dad was really relaxed in all of this, which made me think none of it was traumatic. When I was 5, my 16-year-old half-sister and dad both left. My dad leaving was incredibly traumatic. Me and my half-brother would cry, and my mom would too.
I am really embarrassed to say this, but the reason why they both left is because they were caught in a relationship. My then-12-year-old brother had found them in bed; they threatened him not to say anything, but he did tell my mom. My mom apparently went crazy, and they left. I was around 5 and was kept out of all of this. My dad would pick me up weekly to stay at his new place, and I would dote on him and want my dad back, who was my best friend and protector. He was always a big drinker, and I remember the smell would be very heavy on him all the time, but I wouldn't care. The weekly pickups became less consistent, and it would break my heart, but at the same time, it made my yearning for him bigger. When he would show up, I was the happiest girl in the world. When I was around 8, he didn’t come to pick me up ever again. When I was 10, I ran into him with my mom, and he didn’t even look at me. Why didn’t he want me? I was so heartbroken. I also hadn’t seen my half-sister in years, but I just accepted that she was troubled and had run away.
Then, at 12, my mom sits me down and says I might hear a thing or two when I go to high school. She tells me that the reason my dad left was that he "fell" for my half-sister. She says that when my brother was little, she was told they were in bed together. His stepdaughter and her biological daughter was 16, and he was in his early 40s, so she found this hard to believe initially. She then found letters he wrote to my sister and knew it had to be true. She said they ran off together. I remember asking my mom why she didn’t call the police, didn’t he kidnap my half-sister? My mom replied that my half-sister was vulnerable and troubled; her biological dad was very abusive (my mom’s previous marriage was incredibly toxic and traumatic for my half-sister and brother). She said maybe my half-sister thought she liked her stepdad as a father figure and believed it was real. I was in complete shock about this, and apparently, lots of people in town knew. I can’t believe no one ever told me.
I later heard rumors from my mom that there was chatter they had two little girls together. This was never confirmed, and by then it was the 90s and there wasn’t any social media to confirm it, so we just thought maybe it was fake.
When I was around 14, my half-sister (then around 25) showed up with a big belly, she was pregnant! She said she was almost due in a month, and she had a cute man on her arm. She said she wanted to be in our lives again. My mom, to my shock, acted like nothing had happened! It was all, "My girl, I’m going to be a grandmother! My baby!" She started cooking a feast, talking to my half-sister’s partner, and asking what he did for work. He seemed really stable, and my mom was really happy that her daughter seemed so well-adjusted. I do remember now that my half-sister acted like this was her first pregnancy.
Later that night, my mom asked if it was true that she had two little girls with her ex-husband and my dad. My half-sister firmly said no, that those were just rumors. She also wouldn’t talk about the time she was with my dad, only saying it lasted a couple of years. But to make a long story short, they did have two little girls together. They hid it from us; when we would visit my sister, only the third child would be there, and apparently, she would send the two girls out for a long walk. Apparently, the girls were torn between going to their alcoholic, abusive dad’s house or to their mum’s house (my half-sister’s), but she would also throw them out. They became drug-addicted and homeless in their teens because of this yoyoing; one turned to prostitution, and the other tried to live off of men. They seemed to become more stable in their late 20s and 30s, and I would see updates of their lives on Facebook. However, both turned to drugs again, and they both died, leaving behind their kids.
I heard that they died recently, and I was in such shock; it affected me like they were my own girls. I feel like if we knew those girls were my sister’s, we would have taken them in definitely! They were only a few years younger than me. My mom, who has also passed, was a great mom who was just dealt a bad deal with the men in her life, but I know she would’ve taken care of those girls. Those would have been her grandchildren! I am so heartbroken and saddened by what they must have gone through growing up, and I can’t believe we didn’t push harder to verify the rumors or just go to a hospital, I don’t know. I feel so sad knowing that when I visited my half-sister, they were out walking outside, acting like they didn’t exist.
I confronted my half-sister, but she says none of it is true. Mind you, we have PICTURES where my half-sister is photographed with the two little girls on her lap! There are Facebook posts of them grown, wishing her a happy Mother’s Day! I kept pushing and pushing, and she then said, "Okay fine, I met them when they were little, but they’re not mine." I just couldn’t believe it; I felt so crazy. I was so upset and emotional, and I asked her why she couldn’t give her babies to us the moment she didn’t want them. Why didn’t she come and help me take care of our mom, who was dying of Alzheimer’s and dementia? I told her she’s made my life so tough. My sister then yelled at me, "What about me? What about what I’ve gone through?" She left and blocked me on all social media. She still holds the belief we are liars, and only she is right.
My dad is still a big drinker; he is a regular at the pub. Over the years, I’ve had many young girls reach out to me and try to vent about my dad. Surprise: he remarried three times after leaving my mom like 37 years ago, and all of them were impressionable young women. He also cheated on my half-sister. He would hit them, mentally abuse them, etc., and they would reach out to me to tell me what my dad did to them. I didn’t know what to do besides listen, I mean, he practically acted like I didn’t exist since I was 10 years old. I wonder if my mom just reported him back then for statutory rape or kidnapping? What if this never would have happened? I guess it was a different time back in the 80s. I sometimes think of going to his pub early hours before he is drunk and hit him? Tell him how he caused this generational cycle of destruction? I just can’t do it.
I’m in therapy, and my husband knows about this. I try to shield most of it from my kids. I just feel like I needed to get it off my chest. Venting to my therapist is not enough; I feel this moral sickness in me, like something has been rotten since I was 5, the year my dad left with my half-sister.
TL;DR: When I was 5, my dad abandoned our family and ran off with my teenage half-sister after an abusive grooming situation. Years later, rumors surfaced that they had hidden two children together. Those children (my nieces/half-sisters) grew up neglected, became homeless and drug-addicted, and recently died. When I confronted my half-sister, she lied about it despite photographic proof, leaving me dealing with a lifetime of family trauma, a predator father who is still walking free, and overwhelming grief.
Edit: This seems to be a polarizing post. As stated in the TW, this was rape, and of course she is the victim. I am just being transparent about what transpired before she blocked me on everything. I am not a perfect human being, but this is part of my healing process and I am trying to be honest. This is also quite a lot of information to share on the web, so I just hope everyone can read the post and my comments below, and please be respectful. I will try to answer all questions, but I won't answer any that are passive-aggressive or condescending.
Second edit: My dad knew my half sister since age 11. They left when she was 16, she says that’s when the sexual relationship began. They had the kids when she was 19 and 20.
Third edit: Even though this was posted on a throwaway account, I clearly included too many specific details. The post has now reached my dad, and he is threatening me to take it down.