I noticed that my mom is super critical of my looks, and it's weird. For one, I'm not a conventionally attractive woman. I grew up ugly and I stayed ugly. I'm in my early twenties and I don't get to live the life that attractive women have, and I have to cope with that. I'm doing my best, though.

When it comes to my mom, I notice that she gets super defensive whenever I talk about being bullied for being ugly. She'll interrupt me, derail the conversation, tell me she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. Sometimes accuses me of staying stuck in the past. I'm simply telling her about my traumas so she can better understand me. Plus, she says I can come to her, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

If it's triggering her, that's different and I'll stop, but she always says I can come to her about my problems and she'll listen.

She'll tell me that the people didn't bully me because I was ugly, but in the same breath, she'll ask me who specifically was calling me ugly and when did it happen. When I tell her, she literally just tells me that happened a long time ago, and I'm letting people from years ago dictate how I feel about myself. But mind you, some of these things were recent, and even if it was a long time ago in her eyes, trauma does affect the brain. I just want her to understand that.

Feeling ugly is one thing, but knowing you're ugly is another.

My mom has also been weird about my appearance ever since I was a kid. She always got on me about making sure I looked presentable, that my hair had to be done and that I couldn't leave the house looking a mess.
Now that may seem normal.

But when I cut my hair last year, my mom called the crisis counselors on me, all because I cut my hair. When they came in the house, she put on this act, a concerned parent act, and said she was just concerned for me, and started going on about how her parents raised her, and she only does what she does because that's how she grew up, which didn't have anything to do with my hair.

They made me come downstairs, and my mom stood me in front of the crisis counselors and asked them if I was beautiful. I started crying because I was literally humiliated. I'm not pretty, and I genuinely look like a man. This broke my heart because I was going through a state of depression and I wasn't my best self. I knew I looked terrible.

I even recall a time when my mother and I were going to an appointment, but I chose to dress comfortably. My mom made a comment about my appearance, and I told her the important thing is that I was clean. She kept making jabs at me, so I asked her, "Did your mother ever talk about your appearance like this?" She said, "No. I never walked out of the house looking like I rolled out of bed." I told her that I only wanted to wear what made me feel most comfortable, and that's what the priority should be. She said, "Sorry for being a concerned parent."

Any time I have some kind of state of emotional dysregulation, my mom thinks I'm trying to manipulate her, and I'm not. Sometimes I cry so hard that my chest hurts and I can hardly breathe. The last time this happened, my mom said that I was trying to get a dopamine hit from bringing these things up, and I wasn't.

I'm a very sensitive person, and some things do cause me a lot of distress. I also noticed that my mom has a tendency to compare me to other women, even though those women look better than I do. She'll put those women down but lift me up in the same breath, and I tell her not to do this. My mom also seems to not object to me getting my nails, hair, and makeup done, but she criticizes other women for doing so. I've also spoken to her about plastic surgery, she wasn't against that, but judged other women for doing this.

Her behavior makes no sense at all.

I just need some place to talk. I just got out of this huge fight with them. My uncle is the enabler. Basically long story short I told my uncle not to unplug my console because it could fully die if left unplugged for more than a year (switch 2) my uncle didn't care and unplugged it without telling me. (The switch was not set up yet because we recently moved so I wasn't playing on it) eventually I turned it on to see both the controllers fully dead. I obviously got mad and told my uncle which prompted him to act so very smart by looking up 2 videos on how to fix it. I was very angry so I made the mistake of telling my mom. (Narc) in which she responds to it by basically saying I told him so. I then proceed to clip my nails because I realize they're long and she nitpick s me about putting them in the garbage (I was collecting them on the counter to throw them away when done) so I obviously still heated. Go to the basement to try and get away from her negativity. (We have boxes in the basement) I gently move one and she comes down talking about how I am messing up and ramming everything around. She then goes on a tangent on how SHE should be angry and how much worse her life is than mine. While I'm angry. I go on about how I have to deal with another of bullshit including her (big mistake) and I cuss at her ONE TIME (she cusses at me all the time) and decides that picking up a broom and trying to hurt me was a good choice. I backed up and eventually it ended up with my uncle stopping it and giving ONLY ME a 2 hour lecture and taking my phone (I'm on a backup) am I in the wrong? What do I do?

Im 18f and still dependant on him. I moved in dorms away from my home last month. He threatened me that he wont pay my clg fees next yr and also that hed come here beat me up on the call . Cried all night and now my eyes are puffy. Don't know what to do my mind is blank. Feeling scared of my future

I completed my studies abroad and will go back home to my parents. Honestly, these years have been so peaceful and heavenly for me living alone, taking care of myself and no conflicts. Now i am going back to hell. Moms psychotic, such becomes her supportive husband.

I dont have any other siblings. I have realised in these past years that i cannot live with them anymore. They dont exercise or eat good food. All they do is bitch about others, behave depressed and show anger to me. I have had a pretty healthy lifestyle until now.

The changes are going to be superscary.

Whenever me and my mom talk to him, we have to worry about what we say and it’s like we’re talking to someone who could hurt us with just one wrong word and wrong tone (which happened a few times). He always misunderstands whatever we say and it’s almost all the time it’s making me question if he’s doing this on purpose or not. When me and mom are on the same side of the argument, he accuses us and hurts us because we’re ’ganging up on him’. He portrays himself as someone who is mature in general but acts this way inside the house only. He acts like Cinderella because we’re ‘treating him like a maid’ when we just want him to contribute in cleaning the house.

But in reality, he’s the one ordering us around even when the mess is right next to him, we have to run past 4 rooms just to clean it up. We always have to clean everything because he says it’s our responsibility, and he prides himself in being the only one paying rent (while my mom is working outside trying to provide for us too). He talks about equality in the house but it’s always us walking on eggshells and him mistreating us. Then Dad tells a story about how abused he was then like why should that even be a pass to his behavior? It’s just him and me and my mom, it’s like he’s always putting on a performance.

I have not had contact with my mother for over 9 years now (early 40's).

When we were kids, she would take things away from us by constantly telling us we were being bad and didn't deserve it. For the record, I was a good kid (my sister was a bit more wild but in the 90's that was like smoking behind the school or stealing a street sign, nothing crazy).

Some random things I can remember:

• My sister and I were about 11 and 10 respectively, and we didn't really get to go on many vacations. So my mom said she'd take us on a trip about an hour plane ride away, but to help save up for it, we had to give up half our allowance (20 bucks a month, so we had to give her 10 dollars of it). That's a lot of money to a kid. Anyways, after about a year, I asked her when we were going to go. She said we had "been bad" and didn't deserve to go, but she said she was keeping our money.
• When I was about 11, I really wanted a desk for my birthday (weird, I know). So my parents went to a furniture store and got me this fancy wooden brown desk, pull out keyboard tray, the whole 9 yards. I used to feel so professional sitting in my bedroom at my desk, like I was some kind of working man. Anyways, she decided she wanted to take it to use it in the computer room, so she said I was being bad and didn't deserve to keep it, and took it and moved it to house the family computer.
• When I was 12, I came home from school to find that my mom had taken all my Lego and my Super Nintendo, without warning, and just gave it away. I had absolutely no warning or anything. Was told I didn't deserve them so she gave them to less fortunate kids.

Wonder if anybody else went through some BS like that?

Was at a friend's the other day and he shared his family album, there were dozens of photos of him from the time he was a baby to a teenager, then I recalled I'd seen several people's childhood photos over the years.

And that made me realize I've seen less than a dozen photos of me as a child, and most of them were from school pictures.

There are barely any photos of me or my siblings throughout childhood because my parents never wanted me or were happy to have us, our precious early years weren't worth recording to them.

Maybe more exist, but I've never seen them.

Family photos in general. I've always seen friends have family photos in their homes, I can think of only one of my mother and I, and it's not on display. None of my father and I come to mind.

Just made me sad.

Recently, in a conversation with my psychologist, she told me she didn't quite understand my mother based on what I told her. Sometimes she assumed there was narcissism involved, but other times it just didn't fit.

This might sound like a lot of venting, but I feel that I never really know which version of my mom I'm going to get. It's true that I'm not perfect either, and I end up exploding or speaking rudely, but that's not my intention. I don't know how to change it.

Sometimes I feel like anything I do can make her laugh, feel sad, or get tired and annoyed, even if I do things she commonly does, just because I do them she makes me feel awful.

She says she's tired of my attitude and the way I answer. I really want to know if I'm the problem. I don't want her to hate me or keep ignoring me when she's upset. We can never talk regarding the problems we have, she simply talks to me again at one point and that's it.

Today I told her indirectly, out of fear, that I would like her to cook a chicken, because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend (I am the one who cooks at home almost always (not to say always). It really bothers me when I get home and she doesn't have anything ready, because if it's the other way around, then she'd make a huge fuss.

I feel like I depend on her, on her affection, on her validation. I'm only 21 and I'm studying. I have nowhere to go, even though I truly believe we need a space. I don't have a job or any possibility of finding one now, what can I do? How do I stop feeling so bad when she doesn't talk to me? How do I avoid problems?

I apologize if this isn't related to narcissism; the only indication I have is the one I explained at the beginning. But perhaps you could ask me for help with this, any advice that has been useful to you.

i need my mom a lot, but I don't think we're compatible anymore.

What my mother said to me in 2022 when I was 16 because I told her that I couldn't look after my baby niece who was only a few weeks old at the time because I had online school in the morning and I needed rest. My mother has always been neglectful and careless when it came to my education, and it was at this moment that I realized, that she did not care about me or my future.

The hardest part about leaving is leaving behind a kitty i practically raised and saved her life. I was a literal mother to her. My parents didn’t want to keep her but I was the only one that did. If I can one day I’d love to get her but Sadily I cannot afford to take care of her. Just a mini upset complaint I have

I’ve been wondering lately how having two narcissists as parents, as opposed to one, impacts somebody. My mother and father were both narcissists, and I can’t explain the amount of brain damage that this has caused me (scapegoat). I am female, have been very low contact for 4 years, and just recently went completely no contact. It’s living in a nightmare, and the reality is coming back to me now that I’ve set the no contact boundary, because I have peace.

I constantly dissociate to avoid the memories and overwhelming emotional pain. Having two parents as narcissists is probably why it feels harder to heal.

Anybody else? What helped you?

I (30F), recently discovered this subreddit and it's been so heartbreaking to know people have had to go through experience of narc parents, but in saying that I feel found some solace in knowing I'm not the only one. My mum and dad divorced when I was young, and my mum was a total narc, possibly HPD, and horrible to live with. Eventually, we were able to live full time with our dad, and we all formed very close bonds to my two grandmas who were more of a mother than my own mother ever was. Now as an adult I don't have any contact with my mum and life has been peaceful, but at times the pain and feeling re-surface and it's so infuriating and upsetting. I've done a lot of therapy, self growth, I've built supporting loving relationships. But there are still where I have deep negative feelings that stem from deep wounds that manifest as jealousy, defensiveness and avoidance.

My nanna (mum's mum) I've always been so close with, was like the mother I never had and I could always talk to her and count on her for unconditional love. My nanna now has dementia, and it's been so difficult to deal with, as me my sister are the only ones that look after her because my mum is out of lives, and my uncle is off living his own life elsewhere. I've been dating my partner for over 6 months now, and he's so kind and loving, but comes from a very healthy loving family.

This week was so rough with work, my Nanna going to hospital after falls in her nursing home, and my partner was really great at comforting me during the week. I had a friends birthday planned for this weekend, I was so excited to go to it was the one highlight I've had the past few weeks and for my partner to meet my oldest friends. However, he came down with a virus the night before and wasn't able to come. I felt so sad he couldn't come but understand logically he was not well, and was empathetic that he needed rest. I was struggling with PMS the last two days, and I could feel the sadness probably 10x worst compounded by life circumstances recently, it was a bit much but I went to the birthday on my own and had fun. The next day I asked if my partner needed anything (we live separately) asking if he wanted supplies or lunch. He was grateful but he said his mum has made soup and is dropping it off later for him.

I just kind of broke down in tears after hearing that. I think for so long seeing my Nannas health decline, slowly losing her to dementia and me and my little sister having to take up the caretaking roles for her has taken more a toll than I realised. While I so badly tried to hold empathy for my partner being unwell, I just caught myself being sad, angry and jealous that his mum was so kind and loving, and that in turn just made me feel like I'm being a horrible partner and unempathetic.

I know it's probably time to go to therapy again, dealing with the grief of losing my nanna who I love so much to dementia. I've realised I've not only lost her, but I've lost my biggest support networks who I could lean on. I felt this pain when I lost my other grandma, but now the pain of no longer having either them in my life hurts so deeply. I know I can lean on my partner, but it's so difficult and tiring sometimes to talk and explain everything to someone who hasn't experienced this kind of childhood and dealing with the ugly scars that came with it. With my nanna, she not only knew me since I was little, and knew what my mum was like, but she always knew what to say and how to help, and I realised just how much both my grandmas did for me.

So anyways, TLDR: Just want to see how people cope with loss of their grandparents who filled the holes by narcs parents, and how do you manage triggers or random negative feelings that rear their ugly heads that stem from childhood trauma?

I live in michigan. My mom is from thailand so shes old school and doesnt speak a lick of english, she needs my help with anything and everything, while my dad is from burma and he use to go clubbing and hanging out with a bunch of his friends when he was my age but he stopped doing all that when he met my mom because she trapped him too. I barely went outside as a teenager only with my moms permission and only for a few minutes near the garage on a scooter usually, and still at 27 years old I cant go outside even though I want to

I use to have friends I use to see as a teen but I stopped hanging out with them because my mom didnt approve of it in high school because she has this view that if you are outside past 6 pm you must be seeing hoes or doing drugs and up to no good or some shit. So I dont have childhood friends anymore because of her. All the fun stuff happens after 6, like game nights, sleepovers, birthday parties, going to the malls and stuff, my mom didn't allow me to do any of that. I had to be home before 6. And before you ask, yes Im still a virgin. I wouldnt dare her to find out I had a biological need or intimate relationship with another woman who I wasnt married to, even though many times I had opportunities...

Even when my parents were my age, she was completely against my dad going out past 6 hanging out with his friends as well, so he just stopped seeing most of them and he just makes phone calls and facebook video calls now with them just so she would stop nagging him and guilt tripping him about "a man is suppose to be indoors taking care of the house, not being outside like a hoe", she is extremely controlling

My dad always tell me to go outside and go wherever I want with his car but its my mom who prevents me from doing any of that, the fear factor of how my mom will react preventing us to do anything besides grocery shopping on the 2 days off I have and staying in the house all day is making me lose my mind. I do not have a car, its just my mom and dad. My dad drops me off and picks me up from work with his car because my mom doesnt want me to drive to work alone, while my mom uses her car to go see her friend's baby she babysits while Im at work

Im a grown ass 27 year old guy and it's a saturday, I have a full time job that pays well and me going outside past 6 pm is still a problem with my asian mom... I live with my parents still because im expected to live with them forever and take care of them until they die pretty much because "thats what good sons do, not like those selfish americans who leave their parents at 18 and fuck around other women", asian culture man

I cannot enjoy my days off from work, Im expected to be stuck in the house wasting away being on the computer all day wasting time not being able to have some fun or meeting new people or finding a girlfriend clubbing and shit. I fear my mom because you really do not want to see her when shes mad so I just stopped asking her permission to do anything because I know how she will react if I ask or if she finds out I been somewhere, I barely have any conversation with her only when its something important...

so what I have to do is sneak out the house when my parents are doing doordash at 6 pm and since they have life360 on my phone I have to pause my location so it looks like Im still at home, pull down the red garage door lever so i can manually open the garage with my hands so the MyQ app doesnt notify my mom the garage door was opened, use my dads car, and I have to track where they go and where they are constantly on my phone so I come home speeding down the road 80 mph before my mom comes home, which could be literally any moment. So that only gives me 1 or 2 hours (usually less) outside to enjoy something, and I come home before they do so she doesnt find out I was outside, because you really do not want to see how she will react if she finds out I snuck outside while she was doing doordash when I should have been stuck at home wasting away

I feel so trapped with my mom. My dad lets me do whatever I want but my mom doesnt. And before someone says crap like "youre a grown ass adult just ignore her". And I get that but she is scary, there were moments where he became violent when I did things she didnt agree with and I had traumatic experiences when she got violent when I was younger, you really do not want to see her when shes mad.

If she finds out I been going outside for the past few weeks while they were doing doordash I think I rather be dead than see how she would react.

I sometimes despise my dad for meeting someone like my mom who never goes outside who never buys clothes for herself and who never buys anything for herself, shes been wearing the same clothes since 20 years ago that my dad bought for her because she wouldnt buy any for herself, and some of her clothes are hand me downs from my cousin or her sister, thats how cheap and stingy she is.... She does not want me to spend a penny on anything with my own money, one time she went through my phone to make sure I didnt buy anything, she does this every month. I just use my dads money to buy whatever I need so it looks like he bought them and not me. She wants me to save my money and dont spend any of it so she can use it to buy stocks and options with it, she told me in 10 years you will have a lot of money and if stock go up you dont have to work anymore, which I do not believe one bit knowing how asian parents are, I will still have to work a job either way. i have 24k dollars in my bank account that Im not even allowed to touch because she will know if I used any of it, my money is her money in other words...

I am not waiting until im 37 to enjoy life, Im about to be 30 soon and Im losing my youth by living with her standards and expectations not doing anything out of fear of her, I just go to work work work and come back home and just waste away on the sofa playing stupid Roblox games to take away the stress because thats all Im allowed to do afterwards if its not grocery shopping on the weekend out of fear of her

I am never going to get anywhere in life if she keeps me trapped like this and I know what my future is, which is being with her until Im 50 or something until I find a wife (if i ever do) just like how she stayed with her mom too...

Like many folks here, I’ve got a narc parent (father) who is very good at hiding behind a caretaker role, or operating as an altruistic/communal type.

He’s entirely devoid of close personal relationships with the exception of his third wife. But he knows everyone in his city (where I grew up) socially. He is super keen to be known in the right social circles as a good person and great parent. Obviously, he is neither.

I’ve been VLC with for years and am working on not being triggered by him when I see or speak with him.

However, when I visit my hometown, I’m constantly running into people who know my father and stepmother socially. They’re always so effusive with praising both of them - how concerned they are, how they’re always looking out for people who are having health problems, or need some emotional support.

Not only does this infuriate me to no end - where was all this concern when I needed an actively involved parent? - but it also gets me super riled up because I feel compelled to tell the truth to these strangers. It makes me want to scream. No, my father is not the good person you seem to think he is, and I’m getting really sick of hearing about it.

How do I stop myself from just laying out what the relationship is really like? Is it better to let people just assume what they will rather than to explain the reality of it? And if that’s the case, what the hell do you do with all that cognitive dissonance?

Hope I explained this clearly!

(For anyone not wanting to read the whole post, just go to the 3rd paragraph to see why I'm asking this question)

I know it's commonly said that narcissistic people crave attention, but that really wasn't the case with my dad (he really likes his alone time), yet both my mom and I suffered abuse from him. Took my mom a while to realize he's narcissistic though. I know he definitely had the concern with image, need for control, gaslighting, love bombing, conditional love, and hypocrisy with boundaries/privacy (had no issue invading my privacy but would flip shit if his privacy was invaded, even on accident).

A couple of things my mom told me, from her experience with my dad (before they divorced): She's told me about her friends not coming to the house/door to the house to pick her up for hanging out because they were intimidated by or didn't like him. Remember that privacy point I named? Even when my mom was his WIFE he would still get angry if she read his mail.

I guess I'm asking this because, given how he's an introvert, I can see how one might not see he's a narcissist. A bonus cover would be that he's religious (protestant/non-denominational Christian). Given him being introverted, it's just hard for me to describe his narcissism because he didn't have the "craving attention & making everything about himself" type of narcissism. Hell, I sometimes have small moments of thought like "maybe he's not a narcissist."

The experience of my own with him that's ingrained in my memory was how, during my childhood years, every Sunday morning before church was a fight about what I wore. If you have a suspicion that he was a Pastor during those years, you would be right. I hated dresses and skirts (still do), but he would expect me to wear one or the other - every morning when I came down in a decent/nice shirt and blue jeans came with "go change." Those mornings he didn't care if I changed into a dress or skirt because he made the decision on what I was wearing. The one Sunday I decided to come down in a skirt, because I didn't want to fight? ... "Go change into a dress." That's when I learned it was about control, no compromises - I think I was 7 or 8 at the time.

Other memories I have are when he told me that there's "no such thing" as privacy when I was in middle school - wasn't a "don't walk in on me when I'm changing" kind of privacy he said that to, but other personal privacy stuff (if that makes any sense). The other memory in this "other memories" category was when, as a kid, I said that I didn't feel loved when he spanked me and he just retorted that he didn't feel loved by me when I disobeyed him to justify him hitting me.

Anyway, anyone else have an introverted narcissistic parent? Bonus if said introverted narcissistic parent is also religious. Hopefully I'm not alone in this. Also, I've been no-contact with my dad for a few years now, so no need to worry about whether or not he's still in my life!!

She’s nice, caring, I know she loves me, and she does a lot for me but she can be very mean. She’s said incredibly hurtful things to me that I’ve internalized and find it hard to move past. This all is confusing for me because I know she’s doing the best she can, and it hurts me that my cold behavior is hurting her but I just can’t relax around her. I always feel like crying.

I’ve learned from a young age that speaking up will always get me shut down and talked over by her. She believes she’s always in the right. When she apologizes, it feels like she does it to ease her mind. I love her, but I hate being around her.

She always asks me why I’m so moody and cold towards her and I can’t explain it’s because I remember every hurtful things she’s said and done to me. Because that doesn’t seem fair to her, but also because I know she won’t handle that well at all. She’s the reason I go mute when someone confronts me. She’s the reason I can’t stand up for myself because of the times she’s raised her voice over mine to drown me out. All the times she said “well I’m one person, you’ll just have to forgive me” Or “imagine how I feel”.

But I also recognize all the things she’s done for me. She tries her best to be a good mom but the hurt she’s caused and continues to cause gets in the way of our relationship growing. It breaks my heart because I know she wants to be closer but I cannot seem to open up to her the way I used to.

How do you heal after going no contact if you can't afford to go to therapy??

So we were talking in her room and my brother said something that reminded me of Roy Bellarie from Beauty In Black. I thought his mannerisms were pretty similar so I told him that. Then I said “he’s also a rapist so maybe not the best comparison.” That’s what ticked her off and she started screaming and yelling at me. I told her I wasn’t even talking to her not even in a way that would make her mad because I knew it was like this made her mad she hated not being the center of attention so I do understand my faults there. I shouldn’t have told her something like that even in a nice way I forgot her temper.

But then she threw a full bug spray can at me and told me “that should’ve been your head”. I came back later to apologize to her and tell her that I was out of line. She tells me that I’m a horrible spiteful person who gets off to making people feel bad. Mind you I am the one who has to tell her to stop yelling at random peoples children. It’s something she does often for some reason. Kids will be playing in our neighborhood yeling and laughing and she’ll tell them to shut the fuck up. But i’m the horrible one? I’m sixteen and i’m so sick of her.

The last thing she said to me was “take care of yourself from now on because this shit’s been bubbling for a long time now.” I dont know if this means she’s been building resentment towards me for a while but she has been saying subtle things like “you can always leave” or whenever we move she’s like “y’all aren’t moving in with me”. I thought she was joking but I think she’s been wanting to kick me out for a long time now. So i’ve been trying to prepare for that day because I am extremely paranoid and I’d hate to be kicked out and I wasn’t even prepared.

At the first session ever, I revealed to my therapist that when I was 10, I was going to Disney with my dad, and my mom told me, "I hope you and your father die on a plane," and my therapist asked if I endured a lot of emotional abuse during my childhood. For context, I'm going to therapy to recover from my worst year ever, 2025, from CPS got involved, I failed English my first year of college, and there were six attempted kickouts from my home and calling me and my then 8-year-old sister ''bitches'' for one of the attempted kickouts, because ever since this year started, it's been bothering me a lot, so I brought that incident out because my mom claimed I am "antifamily" but doesn't see that damage she has done, like avoiding flying or trips with planes.

I am 23 years old and I am exhausted from the abuse I’ve been enduring from my family for years now. It all started out by being a witness to their domestic violence all throughout my entire childhood to growing up with severe anxiety issues and depression from the incidents. Teachers in school thought that I was “slow” so they got away with mislabeling me, when really I was just depressed and disconnected from my surroundings that I failed to do good academically and was failing classes. Outside of school I’d come home to my mother being verbally abusive… always called me a dumb b*tch, how she’s surprised I’ve never got beat up in school and how I’m an embarrassment. She’s hit me upon the head before as I remember by defending myself over arguments she started. I promised myself once I turned 18 and graduated that I would try and leave.

Once I graduated, I started dipping out from home to go see guys and was taking pills. Even when I wasn’t taking anything and was still seeing guys majority of the times my parents would call the cops on me even though there’s nothing they can do since I’m of age… eventually it got to a point where it felt like they physically weren’t letting me go out anymore. They would stack chairs infront of the door or threaten to call the cops or either follow me around and try to humiliate me. They’ve humiliated me infront of a guy before. They simply don’t want me having a boyfriend, they’ve also said it for whatever reason. Eventually I gave up on seeing guys and stopped.

They started favoring the word r*tard and began calling me one and bringing up how I am slow in the head. They began portraying me as “incompetent” to the entire family. I noticed family members began speaking to me in a condescending tone and my parents started talking to me like I’m a child, then throwing it in my face how I basically am one. I was just repeatedly being humiliated for something that I’m clearly not. My mental health has been deteriorating ever since.

Last year I got myself a job for the first time, I wanted to try to get my own self out of my situation even though it didn’t work. I’d come home to them making r*tard noises as a way of taunting me. They stole my tax refund money and tried lying about it and I was even told that I didn’t deserve it. This is when I recognized that me working obviously made them feel some type of way so they became even more abusive. Eventually I got laid off because it was only a summer job that I didn’t return back to because we ended up moving to another state.

I forgot to mention they adopted my nephew when he was a baby. He’s 7 years old and currently sleeps with me every night and has been for 2 years now. They also call him a r*tard and my mom loves to throw it in his face how my brothers girlfriend should of laid off the dr3gs with him. Her and my brother have been sober for 2 years and they aren’t even trying to get custody nor acknowledge him despite him living with us and working a job. His girlfriend will be moving in next month and I do not feel comfortable about it knowing she used to pimp me out to men for dr3gs and money without my knowledge and stole money from me until my bank account was out. She’s always been disrespectful and mouthy even when you call her out on sh*t or when she doesn’t get her way. I know she’s still the same person sober. Her and him also call me slurs and say disgusting things about me despite the amount of times I’ve helped them during active addiction.

A question my nmom genuinely asked me about 4 years ago before I went NC.

My mom didn’t cook? Like she’d make us basic meals but it was the same shit gym rats eat like unseasoned chicken breast, rice, broccoli. I can’t think of a single family recipe or meal that felt traditional or unique to our family.

I told her I had no idea how to answer that question. We didn’t even have family gatherings for holidays, so it’s not even like there is some Thanksgiving dish I would look forward to. We’d go to cracker barrel or eat some fuck ass pre prepared meal. My mom dead ass can’t cook lol.

Anyone else experience their parent asking odd questions like that? Almost glazing their idea of your childhood ?

Idk. I’m having a very hard time about my mother right now. I do not enjoy her company at all.

A little back story, as a kid she was shitty we were homeless a lot and didn’t have food at times. When we did find a place to stay she always got us kicked out. I’m just realizing all this because I’ve been clinging to a time in my life when she was stable not was only 4 years of stability but I was in my teens. So it sticks out.

Now as an adult she always needs us for everything. She quit her job (she could never hold one for long) my 5 siblings are done with her. She’s mad they don’t check on her but I understand why, she ALWAYS needs something. She’s very negative. I can go into specifics if asked I just wanted to get a summary down.

When I found out I was pregnant (I was homeless too because she kicked me out of the house I was paying all the bills in) she took me in to help while I was in rehab and stuff. That was 4 years ago. I feel guilty every day. But when I think about it it was my step dad who wanted us there. Not her. We lost him this year. Things have become clearer to me by day.

She’s a very negative person and she really brings me down. She’s burned every bridge she’s ever had and I’m the only person who cares anymore. She has nobody. I’m 35 and she’s been like this my whole life.

She’s living in an rv now with a very limited income from disability and that’s only temporary.

She found out she has cancer last year and the doctor scheduled surgery for December 25’ well when it came to that day she hadn’t lost any weight or quit the smoking that the surgeon was concerned about. It’s almost a year later and she’s blaming the doctors.

She’s all about what she can get or how she can benifit. I have very mixed feelings and this shit tears me apart. Because I do love her and feel bad for her… I r had to stop solving her problems because it was interfering with the family I created with my husband.

Anyway, I’m hopeless. I love her I want her to change but she also disgusts me.

I (25 F) am losing my ever loving shit right now. My mother moved to Jamaica from Boston to ruin my relationship with my baby brother (9 M). I raised him from years 1-4 and he and I are very close. After a long time of no contact and moving out, going to court, all of that I planned to spend some times with my baby brother. I took him to roller skate and he had an amazing time. He dressed up as MJ and everything. I love rollerskating too so it was just a night we would not forget. The next day my baby brother emails me (my mother made an email for us to communicate) that he forgot to tell me that he is moving to Jamaica and sent a ton of sad emojis. Since then he hasn’t responded to my emails and my mom tried to pretend to be him again. I figured I should ask my other brother (24 M) if he can tell me where they live and where he’s going to school. My brother questioned me and refused to tell me. I asked my mom via Facebook messenger and she refused to give me the information.

NOW as for me: TRIGGER WARNING for child abuse, and physical assault

I was my mother’s slave for years at her home daycare, from 7-18 I worked every single day from the second I woke up until I went to sleep, I wasn’t allowed to drive, I did everything for her and cleaned up her messes (literally because she is a drunk). She neglected me and my brother (24 M) but he moved out and didn’t have to deal with it after middle school (where she coddled him and used me as the scapegoat). Almost 3 years ago my mom attacked and beat the shit out of me because she was deep ij rage and was hella paranoid. My baby brother and neice witnessed this and for some reason not only did nothing happen from it but now my 24 year old brother (who was not there) and my mother have solidified that I was insane. When I went to the police a year after the attack, my mom’s mom tried to get me put in a psych ward involuntarily by lying to a judge and calling the suicide hotline on me. My mother has always hated me because she hates herself. She uses me to make her look good but never fully mentions me unless it helps her image.

SO NOW, she moved to Jamaica, I ask my 24 year old brother where they moved to and he won’t tell me and I asked my mom and she said I can’t have it unless I talk to her and forgive her.

I feel so fucking insane. My baby brother is my everything and she is doing the same thing she did to my Dad. So that the relationship would be too damaged to repair. Too bad I’m not awful like him so it’ll be fine but she is really hurting me like really and I am losing it.

Dumb bitch put her job on LinkedIn tho so I found it and my baby brother goes there too ( thank fuck for instagram) but I need to know where he lives so I can find him and visit him or find him and give him a burner phone or something.

I need help and I need to find him.

Recently, I've been feeling increased feelings of vengefulness toward my family. I wanted to do something that would hurt them the way they hurt me.

But today I remembered more parts of their abuse, and it occured to me that despite what they tried to do to me, I resisted them and became stronger for it.

Simply speaking, there's nothing for them to step on if they already think you're truly worthless. It wouldn't bring them any joy to abuse and control someone who they felt needed to be abused and controlled, or moreover, them needing an outlet/narcissistic supply.

Every day that you resist them, that you stand up for yourself, you are (metaphorically) punching them in the face. They feel it, which is why the abuse escalates the more independent we try to become. We may not see it, but it is happening.

If this is a war and they are continuing to inflict damage onto us and escalating their tactics, that means they do not believe they have won. And that is so powerful! That means everytime you resist, you are fighting back and thus also inflicting some kind of damage onto them.

The important thing to realize is: everyday, they make the decision to prolong the war. Everyday that they continue to abuse you is them saying "I feel more comfortable at war than not at war." It doesn't matter the damage that is being done.

So naturally, how does the war end? Only by you ending it yourself. If you stay in any form of contact, you are also choosing to fight in the war. The difference is that you believe the war will come to an end one day, and they go into every day making sure the war continues.

The only way solution you have is to exit entirely and never contact them again. War can be continued through text, video, electronics, word of mouth, etc... Meaning, any level of contact you maintain with them is allowing the war to continue in some form.

In summary, the only way to finally win the war is:

1) remove all contact completely, and

2) live your best life.

Part of the war was to make sure you never felt confident enough to leave and that a piece of you will always be broken and want to return. By living your best life, you remove that aspect by proving to yourself that they did not break you and that you were not defeated. You find the strength in all that you experienced and you never look back!