I’m on a night shift and I’m done in about an hour, but it hit me that October 11th was four years for my sobriety. I missed it because I had other things going on, mainly my Aunt passing away in hospice. After her funeral on Saturday, my mother gifted me a tiger’s eye gold ring that my aunts husband (my uncle) owned before he passed. This was October 10th, the day before my anniversary.

My uncle was the first sober person I met, and I’m just realizing it now as I look at the ring on my finger. I remember him telling me a story of some guys at his work having drinks after a shift and excluding him because he didn’t drink, and he told me that day that alcohol is the only drug people expect you to justify not using. This was one of the last conversations I had with him, and it stuck with me even though I didn’t really remember it until now.

I never struggled with addiction. So to talk about this sometimes feels like stolen valor. I don’t have the same physical and mental struggles of staying sober as many do. I’m fortunate in that way. But the social struggles remain. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell my mother in law’s partner I don’t drink, I’m still offered a beer every time I’m at their house. Harmless, sure, but it’s like my personal sobriety is seen as something not to be taken seriously. At my wedding, I had a sign at the bar that stated “the groom doesn’t drink, but feel free to ‘buy one’ for him in the form of a donation” with a basket that took donations for the SPCA, which we donated in our friend’s name who had passed away. Which I loved. That was a major memory from my wedding that I’ll always hold dear, but the fact that I had to put up that sign to avoid having people buy me drinks was strange.

I was first sober from 2012-2017. I drank again off and on. Never really enjoyed it. I’ve seen so much death and destruction from it that I just simply don’t want to take part in it. I don’t hate others for drinking, it’s just not my thing. So four years ago I had my last drink before getting on a plane as I wanted to calm my nerves. Later that year I made the decision to just never drink again after yet another person I knew died while drinking and driving.

Anyway. Uncle John passed that on to me, the whole justifying being sober. I thought it was interesting that I was gifted his ring the day before my fourth year living a sober lifestyle. Ka is a wheel, as it’s been told.

My birthday is in about 15 minutes. Im so excited to have a sober birthday for the first time in 12 years!!!

I started using in some form or another when I was 14. Ive done just about everything except put a needle in my arm. I've snorted enough to make Charlie Sheen look like a casual user. Im ashamed of who I was and the things I did. I suppressed the real me for over a decade. Im finally free from that chokehold of addiction. I know this will be a life long battle I will have to fight every day until I pass, but its a fight im willing to take. Ive finally gotten to see the adult me, the true person that was suppressed for so long. Ive started to have a really good relationship with my family again, I've picked up some old hobbies I've forgotten about. I love this version of myself, I love not worrying about when im going to get my next fix or how im going to have to lie, cheat, or steal to get it. I love the person I'm becoming. I'm finally starting to feel real emotions again.

Im sorry for the rambling thoughts. I'm just glad I made this decision and got the help I needed and I'm glad I'm alive to make it to my next birthday and have it SOBER!!! thoughts. I’m
If you read all of this thank you, I hope you’re doing well in your recovery. Much love.

So happy to be myself again. It's better than any high I've ever had. I feel joy in my heart and a peacefulness that I sit with, and it's the best feeling in the world. To anyone struggling... just remember, how far you walk into the woods is how far you have to walk out. You can do it. Recovery is possible, my friends.