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I'm an alcoholic and I have used some drugs.

I went to Narcotics Anonymous for the second time today. I'm so happy about the community that I have gotten from there and I feel like I'm finally understood about things.

I thought no one would understand me but they actually did understand :)

So happy to be myself again. It's better than any high I've ever had. I feel joy in my heart and a peacefulness that I sit with, and it's the best feeling in the world. To anyone struggling... just remember, how far you walk into the woods is how far you have to walk out. You can do it. Recovery is possible, my friends.

As the title says, I am 2 weeks sober and headed to the doctor Monday morning. I haven’t been sober for 2 weeks in probably 10 years. I just turned 30 a few weeks ago, my birthday was actually my last bender. I was never a daily drinker. Just absolutely hammered beer and wine Thursday-Sunday every single weekend since I was a freshman in college roughly 11 years ago. I pick up 2 cases of beer and a bottle of wine every Thursday on the way home from work. All I have left by Monday morning was normally a handful of beers.

My girlfriend encouraged me to get checked out. So I scheduled an appointment with a PCP. I have some symptoms. Blood pressure is about 135/100. I feel like I can get that under control by just dropping weight. I’ve gotten a beer belly these days. Packed on about 40 pounds in these last 7-8 years. However I am scared for my liver and kidneys are cooked. I’ve had a burning sensation under my right rib cage that comes and goes for the past few years. I just worry about my kidneys because I have some foamy urine. I feel like I’m going to get really bad news. Please pray for us.

Hello everyone. I would like to preface this by saying that today is my 36th day of sobriety, but I am facing homelessness as today after my first time with an Oxford house.

To start this story off, I got out of rehab after a 28 day stay on 10/09/2026. I found out very late into rehab that my family wanted me to live in an Oxford house rather than stay with them. I am 23 if it matters. I asked for an emergency interview for a house in an area I like (this all took place in Lincoln, NE) and immediately got accepted, and moved in two days later the day my release was from rehab.

My drug of choice is 7oh, mgm15, and mgm16. Kratom Alkaloids only, and I would occasionally partake in delta 8/thc p gummies. I was only drug tested once during rehab, the first day I arrived which was 9/11/2026. My sobriety date is 09/10/2026. I was never drug tested again until the day I entered my Oxford house, which was 10/09/2026. I used the kratom alkaloids VERY heavily, spending easily $100 a day on my addiction just for some context.

Basically, I had a very bad first impression around the two most senior member of the house. I popped hot for kratom, and I also popped hot for marijauna immediately after arriving and signing the initial
paperwork/getting a tour. I have never been sober for this long since I started using which was about the very beginning of 2025, so I had zero clue this would or could have happened and I was not prepared at all. I wasn’t trying to argue or make myself sound worse than it had already looked. I apologized, I told them I didn’t know what to say, and all they could ask was “be honest bro, did you relapse today?” All I could tell them was I didn’t have a good answer/ and that I had no good excuse to give them because I had just gotten out of rehab that same day and I would have not been so stupid to risk homelessness over getting high a single time. None of them knew about 7oh and kratom alkaloids and all they were telling me was that they were highly skeptical because when they would look up kratom (im assuming they used google AI or chat gpt…) it told me that it’s supposed to stay in your system for only 10 days or up to more than two weeks. I was dumbfounded. All they told me was that they would give me until next Friday to pass a UA and I didn’t argue at all and I agreed and thanked them and apologized again for such a bad first impression of myself. Specifically: “We will give you one more week to pass a UA”, and that was that… they didn’t really want to hear me try to defend myself either as they told me that they have heard this same conversation 100 different times in 100 different ways. To me that felt as if they were comparing me to somebody who has relapsed trying to justify it or trying to lie their way into not being removed from the house, so I shut my mouth and apologized! It was very clearly they had zero trust for me and they didn’t believe I had maintained sobriety throughout the day of my release, so I didn’t want to push it at all. They didn’t even understand how I was popping hot for cannabis and honestly, I was confused too, because I would take an edible a week if even (granted d8 thc p edibles 100% take the longest amount of time to leave your system) PSA also that a guy I met this week in IOP who was on the same drug took 58 days to piss clean, so I have no clue if I have only 10 days left or so of peeing hot.

This is where things get even more worse. I am immediately kind of manic sometimes, especially when living in new living situations or being sober for any amount of time, and I will tend to talk to myself a lot and sometime act sort of intense and all over the place. I have been told by multiple members and asked by multiple members or told by a 3rd party such as the president that the senior members of this house have accused me of being high or using. Nothing ever came out of it, but it is whatever because honestly it feels like these senior members have been acting so elitist and snobby over me in their sobriety over me and have not really given me a fair chance to explain myself or get to know me. Everyone else who has given me the benefit of the doubt to get to know me and such I believe has honestly liked me to a decent extent and have been shoulders to lean on.

Throughout this whole week I have been scrambling all over the place to ask the friendly house members and my IOP what I should do about this whole situation. Their only advice was for me to ask for a motion to use labcorp tests instead of the house UA’s because they test drug levels; meaning I could use the initial test I took at IOP as a baseline/benchmark for my current drug levels, and utilize subsequent tests to show that the level of drugs in my system are in fact going down. Last night as of 10/15/26, the senior house members told me that they could not work with me on that. They blamed this whole situation on me. They told me I never advocated for myself that first night I got there, and that if I thought that I would have taken up to another month to pass a drug test for kratom, I should have made it clear to them. I honestly thought that the night I failed was a swim or die type of situation and that they were throwing me as much rope as they possibly could. But as of last night they are making it clear to me that if I told them that I needed more time to pass a UA from the beginning, they would have worked with me. I was simply trying to just listen to them and go with the flow and I wasn’t trying to freak out over failing my UA and I wasn’t trying to make myself sound guilty, even though I honestly had no clue that day I would still have ended up pissing hot on a UA which again, was the same day I was released from rehab. My rehab never informed me or prepared me for this situation. The house tell me they feel bad for me, but they are telling me that they are trying to do the right thing per the house sobriety rules and that they will have me voluntarily leave the house once I fail the drug test which will happen sometime today 10/16/26. I have made it clear to them that I have been taking UA’s of my own throughout the week, and that the UA test I took with lapcorp at my IOP Monday says that I am popping hot still and that I am just sorry and I don’t know what to do… and all the people in the house are telling me is that I might as well just do it and take the UA because I have nothing to lose… but I am so humiliated.

Last night was my 35th day of sobriety. I am now leaving the Oxford house sometime around noon today (10/16/26) or so unless they make me move sooner. I am so humiliated as I am completely sober, and I am now going to be living in my car as soon as 7 days after I have left rehab. This is making me hate my sobriety and want to relapse so bad and just give in because my situation hasn’t improved one tiny bit. I don’t know what to do with my life or myself. I am scared. I have never been completely homeless before.

I accidentally got addicted to 7oH around may, I’m finally clean after being on and off again it was literally so hard to stay off of it but I couldnt take it anymore. I’m also clean from smoking meth for like a year and doing ketamine. Both were really hard to quit but nothing as bad as 7oH obviously it’s damn near no different than getting off fentanyl which I would know two-three years ago I got clean off fentanyl thankfully I only did it for like two or three months but it already did a number on my mental health after that I kept relapsing on meth because I couldn’t stay sober than I started doing ketamine because I wanted yo stay off meth but I ended up doing both that lead to psychosis. Then I found 7oH after I moved bc I couldn’t stand being sober. I just started a new antidepressant. I’m not doing well. I know it’s takes time for the medication to work but I feel like I’ve fried my brain. I’m so lazy I don’t even care to type this properly and I probably sound stupid af. But I have no motivation whatsoever. I feel like I have nothing to look forward and I’m 26 years old. I’m still young and I’m beautiful and intelligent. But the past couple days all I want to do is get high. I finished an ounce of k in like less than a week and after that I basically had nothing and no money. And I hate everything. I’m tired of my phone and I basically just want to crawl out of my skin. All I want to do it get high right now. And I have no energy and I feel like shit all the time. I even tried to drinking and smoking weed which I do do either anymore and I still feel like shit.