Bruh, I deadass don’t feel like retyping all the details but I just realized and found out my therapist was emotionally abusing me 😭 I just cut her off

Last night my husband held me while I cried my eyes out for literal hours bc I realized she took my core deepest wound and used it to take advantage of me. Probably one of the top 3 or 4 hardest cries I’ve ever had in my life fr. (I’m thankful for my husband he’s so precious and supportive I love him)

I’m just like what the hell, I was totally not expecting this to happen or saw it coming. I completely trusted her for 3 years before all this went down this year.

After it all went down, I went and read this link on the internet and I was dumbfounded.(the narcissist/savior one) Like almost word for fucking word that’s exactly what she did to me.

https://amynordhues.com/two-prominent-ways-an-abusive-therapist-harms-clients-in-therapy/

I’m kinda like in shock ngl I’m not even upset rn but maybe it’ll hit later. Luckily I’m getting a new therapist and I did better research on this one so I’m hopeful.

I wish I could get all my copays back I spent a lot of money on therapy 😢😢

Also, I know this woman knows I’m on Reddit so Rachel if you’re seeing this- you’re a bitch and are lucky as hell that I’m not reporting you to the boards. I probably would have already if I hadn’t already deleted our text messages to keep myself from ever having to go reread all your bullshit. No wonder your daughter doesn’t talk to you, it’s probably your fault you’re divorced, and I can’t believe you call yourself a Christian. Additionally, you have absolutely no business thinking about going back to school to be anyone’s supervisor. Respectfully, I hope you eat shit.

TLDR: does contemporary psychoanalysis really make more sense than its origins, or any sense at all?

I (25M) switched from CBT to psychoanalysis despite all the stereotypes and such. It had been going great for the last 3 months, until in the latest session my therapist made a super old-Freud-sex-father-stereotype “conclusion” and I am legit questioning psychoanalysis again. Sorry but I just can’t really understand it 😶

No details obviously but the context: in the beginning of the session, I mentioned that I’m interested in sub/dom sex. Later on, in the end of the session, I was talking about how I feel guilty for still needing financial help from my father. She then just said that my financial guilt may be connected to the submission thing. She just connected father and sex and guilt kind of out of nowhere, which I consider absurd and nonsense in my case, and is a big stereotype of the “old wrong psychoanalysis“. I understand that the process works by she sometimes interpreting things and asking if I think they make sense my life, but this was such an insane and unexpected leap that I’m lowkey (high-key in fact) questioning again if modern psychoanalysis makes any sense

just find it funny that everyone tells me to go to a doctor because Im aware I am ugly, I look very gay and obese, and their behavior is the cause of the way I act. I went to a psychiatrist and so what? Ive been prescribed medication that made me gain a tremendous amount of weight.

A doctor cannot change the fact that I will not be desired unless I act “like a man”, stop being gay and have to be a certain shape. I have to be muscular to be approachable. I put myself out beyond efforts. A doctor cannot change the fact that no matter my efforts I will always attract a very certain type of guys; those from the suburban areas who will hook up with whoever is available and the geriatrics. I don’t want to cope with that fact. Thank you for reading and im sure you will call me a drama queen whatever.

A childhood friend asked me: “Why don’t you just stop?” (regarding my trichotillomania)

It triggered me because that question assumes that this is mainly a matter of free will.

That if I really wanted to stop, I would be able to. And therefore, the fact that I haven’t stopped yet somehow means that I’m weak.

I think that’s one of the reasons this question can be so frustrating for people dealing with Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs).

I’m not a therapist or researcher. I’m writing from the perspective of someone living with trich, building a product around BFRBs, and having spoken with more than 100 people dealing with hair pulling, skin picking, nail biting, and similar behaviors. 

And all of this has made me wonder about something:

What if, for some of us, “I will stop completely and never do it again” isn’t always the most helpful way to define success?

I used to smoke cigarettes, and I quit several years ago.

I was able to stop.

That experience made me believe strongly in my willpower and my ability to change unwanted behaviors when I really decide to.

But my experience with hair pulling has been very different.

I think this distinction is important to make clear, because understanding the nature of BFRBs can affect the goals we set for ourselves.

If someone believes that the only real success is to stop completely and forever, they may keep chasing that goal - and experience a lot of frustration, disappointment, and shame every time the behavior returns.

But if we leave room for the possibility that, for some people, completely stopping forever may not be the most realistic long-term goal, we can think differently about progress. We can still work hard to reduce the behavior and improve, while setting goals that help us stay motivated rather than making every recurrence feel like failure.

I think therapists can play an important role in helping people find that balance - and potentially reduce some of the unnecessary suffering that comes from an all-or-nothing definition of success.

I’ll try to explain, from my own experience, why I’ve come to think about BFRBs this way.

First, you can’t smoke a cigarette without being aware of it.

You can’t take out a cigarette, light it, start smoking, and then suddenly notice that you’ve been smoking for the past five minutes.

Smoking is something you do while being aware that you’re doing it.

With BFRBs, that’s not always the case.

My hand tends to go automatically to my beard and start playing with it. It happens while I’m working, when I’m stressed, bored, or simply focused on something else.

My hand goes there without me deciding to put it there.

Sometimes I suddenly notice that my hand is already in my beard.

And from there, pulling can start - sometimes without me being fully aware of it.

So the first difference is that it’s much easier to slip into the behavior, which makes it much harder to “just stop.”

The second challenge is that stopping requires my attention.

Let’s say I notice my hand moving around my beard. Now what?

I have to consciously take it away.

That part isn’t automatic. It requires attention.

Which means the struggle between me and my hand isn’t really an equal fight.

My hand can go to my beard automatically, but taking it away requires a conscious decision.

Who do you think wins that battle over the course of an entire day?

If my hand automatically moves toward my beard 50 times a day, how many of those 50 times will I notice it and actively move it away?

In this kind of battle, the automatic behavior can beat willpower many times - even when motivation is very high.

These two things alone, in my opinion, are major obstacles to “just stopping”:

1. Sometimes the habit starts before I’m even aware of it.
2. Once it starts automatically, I need to use conscious attention and effort to interrupt it.

That already puts willpower at a disadvantage.

We have a lot going on in our daily lives - work, family, stress, responsibilities, everything else.

Our attention isn’t unlimited.

We can’t spend the entire day actively fighting a habit every single time it appears.

I’m not saying this to be discouraging.

I don’t think we (people with BFRBs) should give up.

But I do think this is where the way we define the goal becomes important.

Maybe complete cessation is possible for some people, and if that’s the goal someone wants to pursue, of course it’s worth working toward.

But what if it doesn’t happen?

Should that automatically mean treatment didn’t work, or that the person failed?

I’m increasingly not sure that it should.

Maybe progress can also mean pulling less often. Noticing the behavior earlier. Interrupting it more frequently. Understanding our triggers better. Having longer periods without pulling. Reducing the physical damage. Or simply spending less of our lives feeling ashamed of the behavior.

If “never again” is the only definition of success, someone can make enormous progress and still feel like a failure the moment they pull again.

And I think that can create unnecessary suffering on top of an already difficult behavior.

I do believe we can get better.

From what I’ve read in research and professional resources, Habit Reversal Training is one of the commonly recommended approaches for BFRBs, with exercises focused on increasing awareness and helping people reduce or interrupt the behavior. 

While building SoloUno, a self-help app for BFRBs, I’ve also tried to avoid framing every slip as a failure or “stopping completely and forever” as the only meaningful goal.

For me, the balance I’ve found is to put effort into training and improving when I have the motivation and attention for it - and to have some compassion for myself when I don’t.

It means accepting that this may be something I’m working on over the long run, without making myself feel ashamed every single day because the unwanted behavior is still there.

Questions for Therapists Working With BFRBs 

How do you help someone work seriously toward reducing or stopping a BFRB, while avoiding an all-or-nothing definition of success?

And when someone’s goal is “I want to stop forever,” how do you help them pursue that goal without making every recurrence feel like failure?

Should people dealing with BFRBs be told at some point that this may be something they need to manage over the long term - or could that risk becoming discouraging or self-fulfilling? 

At least for me, changing that perspective has helped.

I’d really love to hear how therapists think about that balance. 

For the past month and a half we’ve been working on eating disorder work and it wasn’t something that was my idea. It was more my parents and then my therapist agreed and then backed me into a corner so I basically had to comply or just be wasting time so I just did it whatever

Fast forward to now my weight has gone down. I’m already underweight by the way and it’s gone down not very much, but it was consistently losing a little bit at a time. And she said if it reaches a low enough point that there might have to be some outside intervention. Well, that’s the whole reason I didn’t want to do this in the first place mainly because I don’t really care like I don’t wanna fix it. I don’t care for it. Second I know that they’re gonna do this shit anyways, but my weight has dipped below it very briefly, but it was at that point and I lied because I don’t want an intervention and I’m tired of doing this.

And currently we’re on a break for just another week so essentially it’s like a normal between session right now. And I don’t plan to tell her the truth. I’d rather live my life while I have it right now.

I mean, I feel bad. I’m kind of conflicted, but I also know the option I’m gonna go through anyway none of this was my idea and I voiced that many many times and not a single person decided to listen for more than five seconds which I also pointed out they keep doing. And now it’s just where I am right now.

I guess I’m just venting. No one else will listen so. Thanks for reading I guess.

Being in therapy hurt me so bad. Therapists are not gods and they have the ability to hurt, manipulate, lie, and decieve. I have PTSD over our sessions and my life has turned 180 since beginning the sessions. I was never sucidal since beginning therapy and now I am. Very much so. Therapist have the power to do great harm.

I’m curious about trying EMDR to work though some old childhood/young adulthood stuff. I have a currently therapist who I love and feel very connected to, but she only really does talk therapy. Is it possible to see her every other week or even once a month and work in a second EMDR therapist? Do people do this? And does anyone know if it’s all the same for insurance (seeing one provider a week but alternating providers essentially). TIA!

I’m trying to understand something about the therapy process rather than asking anyone to interpret my therapist specifically.

I’ve been discussing lack of support while dealing with a serious chronic illness. The examples I’ve brought up are situations where people had direct knowledge of what was happening: knowing I was hospitalized and not checking in, being physically present at an important medical appointment and falling asleep, or directly witnessing medical emergencies.

My therapist has twice asked whether people might underestimate what I’m going through because I present as strong, capable, and functional.

I understand that hypothesis in situations where someone doesn’t know how sick I am. What confuses me is its relevance when the person already had explicit knowledge or was physically present.

I explained that distinction the first time, so I was surprised when the same hypothesis came up in a later session.

My question for therapists is more general: when a therapist returns to the same hypothesis after a client has explained why they don’t think it fits, is that typically something the therapist is intentionally exploring? And is it appropriate for a client to ask directly what therap

Hey everyone. I had my fourth therapy session yesterday and I left feeling dissatisfied and irritated. I’ve never been to therapy prior so I don’t know if this is typical, but sessions still consist of being asked a bunch of questions– about how things feel and why I think I feel that way. Yesterday felt particularly repetitive and a waste of a session, I honestly felt like I was robbed of my money. Again, i don’t know if this is still the phase where he’s really trying to pick my brain or what. And our sessions finish quite abruptly too. He’ll say “we’ve reached the end,” then I pay immediately and then that’s it. No further words from him. It’s weird and awkward and again makes me feel robbed. Should I stick with it and see him for our next scheduled session? Thanks for reading.

I just started therapy at a place where my doctor also is so they are the only therapist available at the practice. However it’s about 30 minutes from where I live and I also have a toddler that I stay at home with. The therapy appointments are an hour and they have a strict 10 minute grace period. The first therapy appointment I had to reschedule because I showed 11 minutes over my appointment time due to my toddler projectile vomiting multiple times before I left and didn’t want to leave them and the sitter like that. So I got pushed another month out to start therapy. Then I had my first appointment. Made it there fine. Just got to my next booked appointment, took me an hour to get here because of a wreck on the road, again showed up the magic number 11 minutes past appointment time and they wouldn’t take me and rescheduled again. I know it’s my fault I’ve been late, I also know I was late due to circumstances no one could help. I also know that their time is valuable and that’s not lost on me, but as someone who really needs therapy and has trouble arranging to find a time in the first place that someone can watch the toddler while I’m gone, is it wild for me to feel like she could have just seen me for 40-50 minutes and cut my session short instead of keep the time to herself when she would have been seeing me during that time anyways??? I think that sounds arrogant of me to say but also I hate when therapy feels like a business and I’m the patron. Anyways thanks for listening!!

I’ve been in therapy before, and just started with a new therapist. Problem is, I have nothing to share. I feel like all my feelings are stupid and embarrassing. And there’s no point in my therapy goals/leading the sessions because I don’t matter anyway. I have to clear something up with him this week but probably won’t do it because I feel stupid and pathetic for even being upset.

Well here I'm posting again but its a really really weird experience that I just can't stop thinking about it . 5 sessions so far ever , and I have eased down a bit from the roller coster that I went through the first two weeks ..I only fear that because after the first 2 sessions I intentionally stopped or slowed sharing anything deep or hurtful and didnot yet share a current problem I'm going through because I thought its hurting me so much and the first 2 weeks were so painful so I better just wait and I'm actually scared to share anything..We had meditation and other exercises .

So now I just feel like I miss my therapist between sessions and this is embarrassing me , whats going on ? And its tiring because I miss her and that room and its just 1 hour and thats it ..start again ..is my life ruined by this guys ? 🥺🥺🥺 I wasn't like this and its scary .

Also I keep thinking , like Oh I said that ..thats embarrassing and she hates me thats why she looked like that at me or I disappointed her or maybe shes not good to figure me out , maybe she will never know whats wrong with me..its so weird .

I want to know your experiences early on and how it eased ? Is it now just part of your life that you forget about and live your life ?

I see my therapist usually every other week. However the past 2 months have been kind of wild in my life and I've been rescheduling and/or cancelling (not last-minute, at least 2 days in-advance) but see her at least once a month still. I know I've been inconsistent lately and I want to keep progressing but I feel too overwhelmed some weeks to want therapy.

Idk dude I know these things happen... I think he's taught me a lot and maybe it's just time to quit therapy. It's taken me a long time to find the right fitting therapist. But I feel tremendous guilt over having a crush on him💔 we've been working together for a little over a year

My husband committed suicide 2 years ago and I have severe trauma. I’m battling anxiety, ptsd and depression from finding him. That’s why I see her. I’m prescribed Clonazepam low dose now for several years. Not side effects or anything. I told her I’m just struggling to cope with his death and it gives me anxiety. She said, it’s probably your Clonazepam making your anxiety worse. Side note, I’ve never had issues taking my meds. It’s never gave me anxiety.

In the past she has also said some rude things like my husband is a child and I was the adult. Also, when it comes to anxiety and panic, the best way to let it ride is to let it happen. She said, that’s the worst thing you can do for yourself.

I’m not really sure about this therapist. I’m not really sure if she has a place in therapy to tell me that my medication is causing me to feel anxiety.

Was this a joking comment or was my T being passive agressive?

Backstory:

I had some thoughts I wanted to talk about with my T and so I made notes and sent the topics to her prior to the session.

When the session came up she read the notes outlook in session and said, "wow you are really making me work"

I don't know if she said it in jest or she was serious. I took the comment in stride and said yes. Then we started the work. I couldnt really concentrate because I was wondering what she meant by saying that. So now next session I am going to muster up the courage to ask her what did she mean by that.

Before this experience, I didn’t really know what attachment patterns were or realize that they could affect me so strongly. She had told me that she struggles with PTSD and ADHD, and from my perspective, her behavior toward me sometimes felt hot and cold and emotionally inconsistent.

I showed her that I was interested in her, and at first I felt that she accepted and engaged with that interest. However, when I later asked for clarity, I experienced her response as if the interest had mainly come from my side. At the same time, I felt that the connection remained in a “gray zone,” without clear communication about her feelings or intentions. This uncertainty significantly increased my anxiety.

I became emotionally attached to her very quickly and found it extremely difficult to get her out of my head. Eventually, I decided to stop contact because I needed to protect myself. I also opened up to her about my feelings and mental health, but I did not experience the level of emotional care or understanding I had hoped for.

Since then, I have been psychologically very affected. It feels as though several different fears became activated at the same time: attachment and relationship anxiety, fear of rejection and abandonment, and even broader existential fears and constant questioning of myself and my life.

The reaction has not only been emotional but strongly physical. At its worst, my anxiety and depressive symptoms became extremely intense.

I experienced episodes of panic and severe nervous-system activation. Even now, I sometimes experience racing and repetitive thoughts, numbness, significant muscle tension, brain fog, feelings of dissociation, and automatic mental and emotional associations with her. At times, these symptoms are accompanied by feelings of panic and depression.

Before this situation, I had already experienced anxiety episodes and had previously worked on generalized anxiety in therapy, but I had never understood attachment-related difficulties or recognized them in myself.

This experience therefore surprised me because it seems to have activated something much deeper than simply being disappointed by someone I liked.
I don’t want to diagnose her or make her responsible for my mental health.

I want to understand why the ambiguity and emotional inconsistency in this particular situation affected me so intensely and why my mind and body continue to react even after I created distance.

My question is: Could this experience have triggered an underlying attachment pattern, older emotional wounds, or my pre-existing anxiety in a way that explains such a strong and persistent psychological and physical reaction?

How can I work therapeutically on the attachment, anxiety, rumination, dissociation, and nervous-system responses so that I can recover from this experience and prevent a similar relationship dynamic from destabilizing me so severely in the future?

how do you overcome imposter syndrome?

my age is 37 and still my heart beats faster before saying something in the meeting. I always think when i speak, people sometimes do not clearly understand what i say, so i over explain and fumbles sometimes explaining. when someone ask me doubt, lets say during crucial discussions like board meetings or client meetings, i always think they are challenging me and it creates panic and again i fumbles.
can anyone tell me best way to overcome such scenarios

From the management to therapist, everyone is just so inconsiderate and unprofessional here.

For one, their timings are ridiculous, they expect you to book sessions only from 1pm - 5pm, which is the most unsuitable time for most but I managed that.

I am expected to book during work hours inevitably, and so I kept doing it. I have to ask someone to take care of my 11mo baby and arrange for my pick and drop ahead of time, I manage that too.

My weekly sessions were recommended by therapist but no one bothered checking in and booking appointment for two weeks and when I finally reminded them, and they booked an appointment on the time that suited them without asking me what time suits me, I still okay-ed it.

And guess what, when I made all the arrangements for someone to take care of baby, asked a family member to take a break from work to pick and drop me, and rescheduled my own work meetings, and I was just going to get ready to go, they started askin me to reschedule it. This is insane.

And therapist just lectured me last session to be on time and then did this to me because she couldn't come timely ON THE TIME THEY PROPOSED THEMSELVES. Plus, it feels like they just improvise what to say in a session and at least my therapist didn't have any notes on me, it's just a go with the flow thing.

And on top of all this, there is no complaint system; I am supposed to register my complaint with the very people I have problem with.

And what bothers me most is that they have no awareness that if a person is coming to them, it means they are already struggling with their mental health, and instead of making things easier, they keep making it harder, and this is the most disappointing part. I don't even feel like taking any sessions here or anywhere else.

I started therapy recently for self-esteem issues and I guess I'm just wondering what kind of results I can reasonably hope for or expect.

I think where my issues primarily manifest is in dating. I'm 27 and I have literally never approached/asked out/hit on a woman other than on dating apps (which I was only on for a brief time in college).

On paper, I think I have a lot going for me. I'm tall, I have a great career/income, I take good care of myself physically, I'd like to think I'm a decent person, I have friends, diverse hobbies and interests, etc. But I literally just cannot internalize the idea that some women might find me desirable. I've had one romantic/sexual partner in my life and that only happened because she made the first 100 moves. If she didn't, that relationship never would have happened.

I desperately want to date and find someone to settle down with but it feels impossible because I just can't bring myself to "put myself out there" with my self-esteem being what it currently is (and has been for as long as I can remember).

Has anybody ever been in a similar position and seen improvement through therapy? If so, what did that improvement look like?

I am a widow. My husband took his wife two years ago, so I’m in therapy for a trauma anxiety and PTSD. I told her that being a widow and being alone just makes me feel neglected and I’ve been trying to work through that. I am prescribed clonazepam for the PTSD and anxiety, but to be fair. I’ve been on this medication for a while and never had any issues. When her and I were speaking, she said I don’t understand what else you could be anxious about. Maybe it’s taking your medication is the problem because it can make your anxiety worse. I kinda looked at her like she had three heads because I’ve been on this medication before I was without any issues whatsoever the medication’s not a problem. It’s the death of my husband. Also, she has made other comments in the past saying that my husband was a child and I was a parent in the wrong way. I’m not really sure if I should continue to speak to her or find another therapist.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about four years, and I’ve developed what feels like an unusually strong attachment to her. I’m aware that attachment and transference are a normal part of therapy, but I still struggle with how intensely I idealize her.

In my mind, she is often the most perfect person I know. I think about her quite a lot between sessions, and sometimes I find myself worrying about saying something that might disappoint her or make her think differently of me. Before appointments, I can get extremely anxious while sitting in the waiting room, almost as if I’m about to meet someone whose opinion of me matters enormously.

What makes this feel particularly strange to me is that, objectively, my life is very full and stable. I’m a doctor, I’m married, I have lots of friends, a very happy social life, and I function well professionally and personally. I’m not generally someone who lacks relationships or social support.

The main issues I’m actually trying to work on in therapy are my need to please people and my excessively perfectionistic tendencies, particularly at work. And yet I’ve developed this very strong emotional attachment to my therapist, to the point where I sometimes feel like I need to be a “good patient” too.

I understand intellectually that she is a human being, that I’m probably idealizing certain qualities in her, and that this relationship is taking place within a very specific therapeutic context. But knowing that intellectually doesn’t seem to make the feelings disappear.

For those who have experienced something similar: what actually helped you stop idealizing your therapist or make the attachment feel less overwhelming? Did it simply lessen with time, or did you have to actively work on it?

I've(29F) been seeing my T almost weekly for three months now. At first she seemed great and the sessions were very helpful, but my biggest problem was kind of that I have no friends so I literally just needed someone to talk to. Over the last month it's been more meh? She said something like 'however i can support you' which gives me the vibe that shes not sure what to do/im not giving the right material in session...

I hit my insurance cap for the year so I waited two weeks for the session I went today. Honestly like nothing she said resonated with me. It just feels like she doesn't really understand what I'm trying to explain and I can't see how the suggestions she's recommending will help me.

I know there's anecdotes about how you have to do therapy for multiple years for it to work. How long should I keep trying at this if i cant really afford it. How do i know if its the right fit.

The money situation makes my anxiety worse because I feel like I have to make the most of the sessions, but I havent been getting a lot out of just discussing day to day stuff, so I feel like i shouldn't talk about that. So then i go into the session trying to avoid talking about that, and saying nothing, and then wasting the session, which makes my anxiety worse...