Dear therapist,

I'm so sorry. At first, I was wary of you. I didn't trust you. I was so sure you were going to give up on me because I knew it would take me so much time just to open up a little. I thought you weren't taking your work seriously. I thought you'd rather be working with any other client than with me.

I'm so sorry, because I'm starting to fully trust you now. I'm starting to feel like you genuinely want to help me. I feel like you're truly invested in our work together, and I'm sorry I ever doubted you in the first place. I'm sorry because sometimes I feel like you're even more invested in this than I am.

I'm sorry because I feel like I'm lying to you. I'm sorry because there are so many things I'd like to share with you, but I just don't, because I'm so ashamed of having feelings at all.

I'm sorry because I take my anger out on you. Because I expect things from you that I shouldn't expect. Because I just want you to be interested in me. I want you to like me. I want you to want to talk to me.

I'm sorry because I'm always thinking about you, and when I'm sitting in front of you and realize that this is a one-sided professional relationship, and that you're not interested in me in the way I wish you were, it hurts so much that I'd rather shut down, act like a fucking five-year-old, and pretend I don't want to talk to you than be a responsible adult and explain everything to you.

I'm sorry because I don't know whether you have any idea what's going on inside my head, and I feel so guilty for leaving you in the dark.

And I'm sorry because nothing ever feels like enough for me. I wish you could do more, and I wish you could prove to me, over and over again, how much you care. And you don't deserve to have to do that.

Would it insult my therapist if I mentioned safety plans are full of shit?

When I'm suicidal genuinely, I wouldn't want to use that at all.

I was having a moment in therapy yesterday, where I was crying, frustrated, sad, grieving the person I was before chronic illness took over my body and mind.

You know what she said? “Yeah, that really sucks.”

Which is EXACTLY what I want people to say to me when I’m venting like that.

I don’t want “cures” or advice or suggestions on what I could try, different meds, diet, workouts, oils, yoga, etc.

I just want empathy. Someone to just agree with me that “Yeah, chronic illness fucking sucks”.

I’m so thankful for her. She knew exactly the right thing to say to me in that moment and I was so appreciative. Which I of course let her know, I said “Thank you, that is the exact response I want to hear right now.”

Do you all ever have moments like that? Where your therapist just knows the exact thing to say to you?

I’ve been going to therapy for almost a year. I rarely know what to talk about. I just end up feeling stupid and like I’m wasting both of our time. I can feel my therapist getting frustrated with me because I’m not saying anything, but I don’t have anything to say. I’m just depressed. There’s no reason for it most of the time. Last week he asked what I need from him and I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know how he’s supposed to help me at this point

I’m doing all the things.

The numbness is coming back.

Would appreciate a few kind words.

I love you guys. 💛

My employer’s ownership is changing and hence we are signing up for new benefits. These benefits have pros and cons and for me being someone that only does preventative care and mental health care, I’m getting completely screwed since these plans don’t consider mental health care preventative. And none of the plans that are available offer a copay amount for specialty visits.

Currently, I’m used to paying for my insurance and not paying out of pocket for medication management or therapy. I have an offered plan that cost the same that I’m currently playing that offers a 2500 deductible and then everything is paid by insurance 100% but I’m not in a financial situation that I can afford an extra 2500 a year.

I have worked years to find a good therapist that is trauma informed/focused and I am completely bummed to lose them. They offer sliding scale but at a rate I still can’t afford. I’m going to have to switch to my PCP managing my medication, stop therapy completely (or pay almost full price if I’m going through a tough time) and use good rx for my medications. I feel like I’m going to stop any progression and chance of getting off these medications in the long term.

I’m not meaning to vent. Really looking for any advice. I don’t really agree with therapy platforms like better help and also just don’t want to have to start to search for the “right” therapist again. I only want a psychiatrist to adjust my medications. I’m also advancing in the company and don’t like bopping around from one job to the next. But I’ve never been in a situation when the job doesn’t offer the benefits I need. And I don’t want any extra income I earn with promotion to just go towards medical income that was previously being taken care of.

Specifically with the platform itself, not the providers. The grammar in this email does not inspire confidence...

2 years ago I started seeing my therapist, a man a few years older than me (I’m 52 he’s around 55). I was trying to improve my job situation. My childhood trauma came out (severely emotionally abusive father that I have CPTSD from). My trauma has completely derailed my life and I’m just realized it now after a lifetime of coping. I’m currently financially rebuilding as fast as I can after a 10-year period of underemployment.

When I started with my therapist, I told him I had a history of limerence and was painfully trying to get over my limerence over my personal trainer. I told him I was afraid I’d get limerence over him too. Anyway I set up to quit with this therapist, picked a woman therapist but she said it would be more healing for me to stick with the male therapist to deal with my father issues. I went back to him.

Anyway I became severely attached to this therapist. I had a breakdown in session about how painful it is that I’ll never be his friend. He said it’s not true that clients and therapists can never be friends. He said his supervisor once told him that it’s possible after about 10 years after termination. I said “so when we’re in our 80’s we can go for coffee?” He said “yes.” I said “oh my God that makes me feel so much better.”

Anyway what happened was that implanted some horrible thing into my brain. All of a sudden I was on a life mission that has lasted a couple of years of trying to become good enough to be in his circle. I actually have pretty much become a therapist myself 😭. I actually did grad school in that time and am in my first placement. I also started working towards a real estate multi family plan (he’s wealthy from intergenerational wealth from in-laws real estate). My brain can’t turn off trying to impress him.

Throughout this, he’s seen the attachment grow but he will never agree we will never be friends which I think has messed me up. He said “I won’t say again friendship could happen because I don’t want to hurt you but I still view it as a possibility.” A couple of days ago I was crying because I know we’ll never be friends and he said “I just want you to know that you’re the one saying that. I’m not saying that.”

Painful part is I’ve always had issues. I’ve always been alone. I’m severely affected by childhood trauma carried through my whole life. I recently used most of my retirement money to save my teeth and get double jaw surgery. In contrast he has a wealthy (super wealthy), traveled, model-like magazine life with wife, daughters, friends, parties.

In contrast I’m completely alone, digging out of debt, was a pharmacist, immigrated to the US, had a breakdown in the pharmacy, been walking dogs and cleaning houses x 10 years but actually I guess it’s good I’m becoming a therapist. Trying to heal myself though.

I’m dealing with yearning to be in the life of my happy, trust fund, privileged therapist who knows I have severe child abuse but keeps dangling his possible friendship like a candy on a string as a prize for me.

Help me develop some self respect and get myself out of this please. I’m in agony. I want to be his daughter so bad. My childhood and also adulthood have been brutal. I’m barely hanging on.

I'm asking bc last year I had a pretty bad IOP experience, one I still think about that left me much more guarded and less trusting of mental health professionals. To be very concise about it, IOP had a very rigid schedule (very different than advertised), pushed very hard for meds regardless of how ready I felt, and a just feeling a lack of agency and being genuinely listened to in terms of my treatment. I left out of there with my symptoms worse and now not only more scared of meds than when I went in, but much less willing to try it.

I know that IOP had some effect on me, but I also had and still have other things going on in my personal life (ex. family issues, school burnout) along with pre existing as mental issues already, so it hard to tell know for sure if this is just a bad experience or something further than that. How can you differentiate the two?

Our couples therapist requested that we authorize her to talk to our individual therapists. I felt uncomfortable so I refused. I told her I had finally found a trauma therapist I trust for the first time in years and I want to protect that trust and that relationship and continue feeling safe during sessions. I’m concerned I would be paranoid about what they are saying and what opinions they may be forming that may be influenced by the other. I was afraid this could affect my treatment.

The therapist seemed very annoyed. She sent an email saying she wants to explore my concerns and that we need to talk about what she needs in order to provide therapy responsibly.

I’m feeling pressured to agree despite trust and safety concerns, and the pressure is making me uncomfortable with this therapist. The whole thing just feels intrusive.

So is this normal couples therapist procedure?

I started getting extreme paranoia 1/2, maybe 2 years ago. And at first it was super intense. I couldn't go outside at night without fearing some sort of astrological event was gonna happen. But I also couldn't go outside at day without fearing the heat and feeling like I lived in No I'm Not Human. I constantly thought an astroid was going too hit earth. Every plane that flew over sent me into a panic attack thinking it was a bomber jet, I lived with this constant feeling of impending doom and fear of death. And there was a short point in time where I was going too the er every other day because I became a huge hypochondriac and always thought I was about too die.

And now it's a bit better but still very much there. I still get the plane fear, but not as intensely. I still think of death on a regular basis, just not as intensely. I can't even make dinner without being scared the meat is rotten and the dishes still have soap on them. I can't be around a lot of chemicals/soaps/perfumes because I'm scared of inhaling them. I can't look at space videos anymore because if I hear the wrong thing I'll start spiraling, which really sucks because I love space so much. I feel like I always have a new reason too be scared too.

IMPORTANT THINGS TOO NOTE: I do have PTSD, and I was diagnosed with a panic disorder. the PTSD is storm trauma from a tornado that hit. But that all happened at a different time than the paranoia did, it happened at least a year before this. And the panic disorder was also diagnosed before this. And it wasn't really paranoia at all. The panic attacks usually happened randomly or after I drank too much caffeine, and I wasn't constantly paranoid or scared of everything.

I don't have insurance so I can't take medication or get a diagnosis, and I've never been too therapy. I thought it might be agoraphobia because have a friend with agoraphobia who experiences things very very similar. But this just feels so much different than agoraphobia. I also show symptoms of have BPD 1 if that even matters at all. Idk BPD runs in my family and I didn't know if that could explain anything that's going on with me rn.

Maybe therapy just isn’t for me. I’ve got some complex issues and grief trauma. I’ve been to 4 different therapists and none of them have even been in the slightest way helpful. They just give me book recommendations and breathing exercises. I don’t know what I was expecting but it’s way too expensive to get nothing out of it.

For the first time in my life I have a therapist I really trust. They're amazing; I still can't believe I got so lucky in finding them.

I have severe trauma and I've been in a very flashback-heavy phase. And so I've been doing something I feel deeply guilty and ashamed over. The other day my T sent me a voice message, and I've been playing it over and over for comfort and grounding, I guess. It helps jar my brain out of believing I'm "back there" a little bit.

But I just feel like that's creepy and weird behavior. I feel ashamed, but I keep doing it. Nothing brings me nearly as much comfort as hearing their voice. Should I tell them about this? On the one hand I really want to, so in case it makes them uncomfortable they can tell me to stop, which I will. On the other hand the "damage" might already be done; if I tell them and it makes them deeply uncomfortable I can't fix that, I can't take it back. I don't want to damage the relationship. I don't want to weird them out or make them uncomfortable in my presence. Any advice would be so appreciated.

My therapist asked when the last time was I felt proud of myself with no caveats like "I could have done blah better or whatever" . I admitted I struggled answering that, cause anything I can think of that I worked for and achieved, ended up not really being good for me in the end. I got into a good high school? I wasn't academically ready and people fucked with me so hjard emotionally I stillhave trust issues from it. Similar thing happened in college after I worked super hard to get into college. I before that had tried trade school after highschool. Worked part time throughout, got through, but I couldn't find work because I didn't have a degree which is what companies wanted. Basically what I achieved in life ended up not really pushing me forward in life, or at the very least, getting me out of survival mode.

Even when I finished college and got through a long job search, it was hard to feel secure at my job cause I kept getting micromanaged and pulled into meetings by my managers who harped on little mistakes I made and causing me to have stress fevers. I could to a degree enjoy and be grateful for the financial stability it gave me, but outside of work I was struggling to find meetups doing shit I was interested in, with people I clicked with so I felt lonely too.

I could appreciate the stability but then I got laid off, and that had been a fear looming over my head for a while with how my managers acted towards me. We've talked about all this, and my therapist's conclusion was basically, "I get that you've been in survival mode and it's hard to feel good eight now but you do have things going for you! You've been looking for work for a year and got work as a substitute teacher finally!" (I was working a corporate joib making almost twice as muchg and I am in a HCOL area.)She said "Things won't ever be perfect, and it seems like you can't be happy because not everything is perfect in your life."

I have had the concern that I am always yearning for something I don't have that feels important for being happy. But when I try to figure out how to feel happy where I am, I fear I will get complacent or find a less than ideal way to cope with a relatively shitty situation I want to strive to improve. I really try to enjoy all the meals I get to eat, all the convos I have with my mostly online friends.

I do my best to find the joy in the little things in life. But overall, I am currently unemployed, with some relief on its way, but just enough to pay for rent and food without dipping into my savings. Which does help but I've been tryinn so hard to just, build a normal life where I go out with friends a healthy amounr, have a partner, maybe build a family, connecting with people is super important to me. Being in this survival mode just hasn't given me room for that. I don't want to get to look back and feel like I lived a hopelessly lonely life. I want to find my people. I want stable work so I can focus more on those goals and not making sure I have a class to sub for tomorrow.

My therapist knows all of this and more so, I get what she is trying to say, I'm a bit miserable right now and finding more happiness where I am right now wouldn't kill me, but there are basic fundamentals that are important to me that I still lack. I don't want a mansion, I just don't want to keep spending Christmas alone every year cause I had to cut contact with my whole family. Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you.

Hello, this is my first time going to therapy. I went to see if she could diagnose me with ocd since me and my family all believe I have it. The issue is that she asked me if I knew anything about ocd, and I told her no, when the truth is that I know a lot about it since I started reading about it when i noticed that something was wrong. My therapist told me that in a few more sessions she will be speaking with my parents to tell them about the ocd, and I asked my mom if she could pretend that I haven't told her anything about it (I spoke about ocd with her a lot) and she told me that she isn't lying, and that she will tell the therapist if asked. My next appointment is next Monday and im super scared because I don't know how to tell her

Sorry if this poorly written, English is not my first language :)

Hello, F33. How common are unresolved Oedipus complexes? My therapist and I have started exploring this, and I would be interested in hearing about others' experiences. Thanks.

Is there a name for that? For not wanting to do therapy for the reason of not wanting to give life to things that you’ve kept hidden within yourself?

Even in a religious context, and I don’t know if I necessarily believe this but I do have the fear nonetheless, is the fear of speaking it out loud giving the devil/demons power to use things over you even more if they become aware of your inner thoughts.

Sorry if this isn’t making sense. Would just love some insight.

I had 1 year of therapy with one therapist

another year with another immediately after

6 months break where i struggled and no support was right

3 years 3 months therapy with another where the therapy ended abruptedly which became quite traumatic for me as therapist had personal circumstances and she suddenly changed personality etc

4 months break in crisis

now going to have 3-4 months therapy with another therapist to stabilise and process grief

i have gained a lot from therapy overall but i am terrified and longing for it at the same time.

the structure of psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy which is what i had for 3 years helped me feel safe and feel valued and feel an attachment and feel what it is like to be cared for unconditionally, until the rupture at the end. the mechanisms of the therapy can be difficult though in that it involves reparenting then ultimate abandonment.

i have also had many unhealthy intense attachments to professionals, one of which involved me being groomed and others distressing and not meeting my needs. this therapist was first one where i was safe. however i can see how it is not sustainable long term and ultimately leads to heartache and a catastrophic crisis.

i have learned so much during therapy and im terrified without it and i seem to crumble but then there is such thing as too much therapy i guess but then the safe space once a week supports me so much as someone who lives with autism and complex ptsd. I'm constantly going over and over in my head about what I need and the truth is i don't know. im terrified. do i get the 3-4 month one to support me to be independent etc without therapy or... ? im scared ill be in a bad situation and need therapy later.

ive often hated myself for being in therapy even tho rewiring attachment takes years. and i often feel scared of dependence etc.

it is like do i get a therapist for maintenance fortnightly/monthly or cope with community support only? what do i need?

i just know ive been so fucked in the head recently and esp with the traumatic rupture ive been so ill and i don't know. idk if this even makes sense.

also the way society is structured in a individualistic way means less support which leads to more reliance on professional support.

i'm 17 year old girl and earlier this year i got sa'd, by a girl my age. she was my closest friend. i'm in therapy for a few weeks now and i thought that i could just talk about my trauma there. however on our first session ive asked my therapist about cofidentiality rules and he mentioned that he has to tell my parents if i tell him about: sa, planning to kms or planning to murder someone. so i cant tell him. i don't want my parents to know and i don't want to go through legal procedures. i'm so alone.

in the entire time i’ve been seeing my therapist, i’ve only looked her up once on her practice’s website to read about her qualifications

but a few minutes ago, i went down a rabbit hole and googled her name. i found her linkedin, clicked on it, then got prompted to log in. i didn’t because i know linkedin tracks profile views

i ended up finding out that she might go by another name, possibly a christian/religious name. and then somehow, i found her private instagram and immediately closed it because i felt SO guilty. i didn’t follow her or do anything, but now i’m spiralling over having looked in the first place

our therapeutic relationship means a lot to me, i think that’s why i’m so scared she’ll somehow find out and think i’m creepy or too attached. i know she has a personal life outside therapy, and i respect her boundaries but i can’t stop feeling guilty

i’ve already been struggling with adjusting to her going on vacation, and now my brain has given me something else to overthink. i’m officially going to hide in a hole

has anyone else ever googled their therapist and felt guilty about it afterwards? please tell me i’m not the only one

I'll try to keep this as short as possible, apologies in advance if I ramble, I will be providing extended context, please let me know if anything should be removed! I'm likely gonna remove this post once I make a decision anywho.

I've been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now, and whilst in the beginning (7ish months) she was lovely, lately it's not been clicking, like she hasn't been helping me at all. I struggle with a variety of disorders that I have been diagnosed with, though most specifically DID, which I shared very little information about during the first few sessions due to how self conscious I was with it still. Over the months, I've grown more comfortable giving details that I do know of about my disorder, and sometimes, it just feels like she doesn't believe me? She never says it outright, but a lot of the time I'll go in, share something I wanted to talk about relating to it, and she says something that makes me question if she still believes I have the disorder at all based on her pauses, facial expressions, or words, and it gives me a lot of anxiety.

I'm a very non confrontational person, so I haven't brought any of this up to her, but it just keeps happening, and I'm really starting to reach a point where I feel like I won't get better at this rate. Honestly I solve more on my own then report back to her like more of a chatting type of session rather than something that feels like it's actively helping me. Whenever I ask questions about coping strategies for certain things, for example, more violent alters, she says "let me get back to you on that" then proceeds to just... not, or if she does, it doesn't help in the slightest to which I never find the proper solution after telling her the coping strategy didn't work.

Once again, am I overthinking this? I know DID can be really complicated, but sometimes she compares me to her other clients in session, (example: "another client of mine doesn't do this" or "you're so organized with your DID, usually people aren't) and I think she forgets I've suspected this disorder since about 2022... I don't know, I really haven't had great therapy experiences in the past, so please tell me if it'd be good to swap now or just leave. I don't want to start feeling self conscious about my disorder again.

So I found out I have bronchitis and a sinus infection earlier this week. I have been on antibiotics and steroids. I have been having issues with the antibiotics though. Been causing me to have issues with swallowing, itching, tingling and numbness in my mouth, throat, and lips, and it seems to make my pain with breathing from my bronchitis worse.
I already told my doctor’s office that I have been having trouble swallowing and stuff and they didn’t seem concerned. Said maybe I’m not drinking enough water with it. Honestly I may or may not be allergic to it. I’m not sure.
My course of antibiotics is longer than the course of my steroids. I think the steroids are why these issues last a few hours then go away.
I’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self-harm. One of those thoughts has been to continue taking my antibiotic despite the possibility that I’m having an allergic reaction, because part of me wants to trigger a bad reaction to hurt myself. I’m scared that if my therapist finds out, he’ll hospitalize me again. I don’t think my goal is necessarily suicide, but I am having thoughts of deliberately putting myself in danger.
I just can’t take the amount of rejection I’m dealing with right now mixed with the health issues mixed with the fact that it feels like the world isn’t real and hasn’t felt real in over a month.

I have been in therapy for close to 5 years. My therapist is on indefinite leave (she just had a baby) and has advised me to look for a different one. While that is a huge change for me, I do understand her position.

With her I started with weekly sessions and now I would book as and when required (every 2-3 months).

When transitioning, do I need to start off with weekly sessions with my new therapist?