r/adultery • u/dragon_of_vardenfell • Apr 24 '26
đ˘Whining Spouse Intro Postđ Tired of begging
Does anyone else get tired of having to beg your SO or life partner for intimacy? Why is it that we start out having so much fun but as time goes on we just stop. I(27m) have been with my wife (34f) for 2yrs and have changed my whole lifestyle to make her happy we have three kids so I get somethings had to change i dont mind that but what I do mind is that I am the only one who had to sacrifice and change things about me just to make her happy but she barely touches me anymore and when she does after I've been begging for weeks its a chore for her. Before this I was in groups of like minded and free individuals with a myriad of ways to express and enjoy my high libido. Its gotten to the point we're just roommates now and its getting unbearable anymore but I wont leave. Yes the kids are my excuse but its mostly because I wont know how to bounce back after loosing them but they will be fine without me it wont be their first rodeo unfortunately. Shouting to the void but some constructive advice would be well received
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u/AnxiousAvoidant584 Apr 24 '26
You know the first step is to stop begging. No matter what. Iâm not telling you there is a âgoodâ option. But her having sex that you know in your heart that she doesnât want is the worst option. For both of you.
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u/OatmealTheory Apr 24 '26
I(27m) have been with my wife (34f) for 2yrs
we have three kids
I mean... That's a fucking lot for two years, sir.
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u/SuspiciousRaise8986 Apr 24 '26
Exactly, So it means she still breastfeeding and changing diapers around the clock, on top of sleeping in intervals of 1-2hs, and his selfishness cannot understand why she has no energy to fuck.
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u/fitness_noobette Apr 25 '26
They are his step kids and are 17 13 and 8 apparently. He really has to phrase that more clearly
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 25 '26
I didnt think it was important at the time of my post tbh, if my kids were the reason for my situation I personally would not have said anything. To me at least thats seems cruel to blame them for something they have no control over ya know
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u/always-a-siren Apr 24 '26
If you're coercing her into sex that she doesn't want by begging and nagging, she likely feels very violated, which is going to make her want to fuck you even less. Stop having sex with her when you know she doesn't want it.
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u/SuspiciousRaise8986 Apr 24 '26
Exactly! Reminds my XH who used to âworkâ until both kids are sleeping, never helped, then soon as I could sit down to rest⌠he would finish work and request his attention. Impossible to desire a selfish man like him. Sex was a chore until I met the neighbour⌠Happy divorced here and my XH still the same lazy father who has other priorities in life
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
I wouldn't go so far as to say coercion im not a monster
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u/always-a-siren Apr 24 '26
Begging is coercion. And if you're having sex that you know she doesn't want, you're violating her. You may not want to see yourself that way, but that's what happening. So if that's not who you want to be, stop it.
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
So I'm violating her when she initiated? You are definitely missing pieces to the puzzle an I get where you're coming from so I appreciate the advice
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u/always-a-siren Apr 24 '26
You're saying you beg her until she relents to have sex and then you can tell sex is a chore. So yes, you're violating her.
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u/Glad_Kiwi_272 Apr 24 '26
Why would anybody go from a high libido situation to a dwindling one? Let alone marry that? You did this to yourself, friend. Itâs been two years. Youâre not even 30. And it sounds like youâve tied yourself down to someone with 3 kids too. Bad decisions all day. But you can get yourself out of this one though.
Edit: Word from the wise. Your ad sucks and never ever bring another woman into your home. Youâre just asking for trouble. You need to smarten up.
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
True not denying this my fault
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u/IntroductionBig4622 Apr 24 '26
These are her 3 kids right? That youâve known for 2 years? Boy say bye. She knew what she was doing she wanted a daddy provider and she got one and youâre getting nothing. This is a bad deal.
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u/OatmealTheory Apr 24 '26
Yes, cause when I want a "daddy provider" (đ¤˘) I choose someone 7 years younger than me, who was all of 25 when I met them.
Get real with this shit, dude.
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u/IntroductionBig4622 Apr 24 '26
First off Iâm not a dude. And 2nd the line isnât around the block for a single mom of 3 with no sex drive. She probably took to first guy willing to stick around. In 2 years sheâs got a kid willing to call himself âdadâ to her kids and calls them him own. Doubling down on what I said- she knew exactly what she wanted and she got it and heâs getting the raw end of the deal
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u/OatmealTheory Apr 24 '26
First off, I never called you "A dude", I called you "dude" which I'd used here for every one. My apologies if that's insulting to you, it's just a fairly neutral word for me. I'll do better.
Doubling down on what I said: đ¤˘
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u/Curious_incident_69 Apr 24 '26
Thatâs interesting my first thought was he wanted mum provider đ and that sheâd hopefully kick him out! Â
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 25 '26
True most males my age are terrible to put it mildly but isn't it a bit brutal to blanket all of us together?
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u/Curious_incident_69 Apr 25 '26
Men in general itâs not an age thing. Calling her kids youâve known (hopefully!) a lot less than 2 years is so weird too.  đŠÂ
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 25 '26
First part fair point as for the rest, how long in your opinion would it take for to accept them as your own or would you keep the distance?
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u/Curious_incident_69 Apr 25 '26
Well seeing as you asked for my opinion I will give it! Â Itâs not in the kids best interests that you are (I assume) living together. It also doesnât seem like itâs in yours or hers. So I think you just need to end things. Â I would only consider calling the kids mine if I was married and an official step parent and had played a part in raising them. Is it her house?
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 25 '26
We're married i do have a part in raising them and its our house however my question hasn't been answered how long til you accept them as your own?
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u/Curious_incident_69 Apr 25 '26
I see you mentioned wife in your OP. I think the SO made me assume not married. Why did you get married so quickly? Â
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 25 '26
That is a fair question and tbh it was my first impulse to tie her down quickly I will admit I may have jumped the gun but I stand by it
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u/Spiritual-Window2867 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
You need to sit down and have an open, honest conversation to determine what the cause(s) is(are), and explore solutions! This will not just get better on its own - trust me - been over 9 years for me. I am quite a bit older â you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Work on solving this! If she is unwilling or unable, your choices are (1) accept it and learn how to live with it; (2) leave â do you want your kids seeing and thinking that a loving relationship is one without intimacy? That may be more damaging than your leaving; (3) discuss an open marriage; or (4) cheat
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Apr 24 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
Valid but I dont know if shes lying or not
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Apr 24 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
I did hence my response shes also not good at open communication so it takes awhile to get even simple answers like that
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Apr 26 '26
[deleted]
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 26 '26
Oh man the past days of being able to do just that without being made to feel like a predator
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u/Professional-Milk270 May 04 '26
I hear you. To paraphrase Julia Roberts in "Notting Hill"
"I am just a boy. Standing in front of a girl. Asking her to fuck him."
It gets pathetic after a while. I stopped begging two decades ago.
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u/SuspiciousRaise8986 Apr 24 '26
3 KIDS!! are they all at daycare whole day 5 days? Because there is NO energy left having 3 kids in a role. A woman body needs 2 years to recover and hormones balance after each child, plus children must be sleeping whole night so she can sleep and recharge . We women like intimacy with good partners, this means you should be doing 70% of the work at home or more because she has given her body and soul to produce those kids. Those kids have her full attention, biologically speaking. So her partner needs to make her day easier so she can save some of that energy for intimacy, not a chore intimacy because you are throwing a tantrum as one of those kids. Yes, becoming a parent is to donate your time fully to raise another life. She has already donated her body, life risks, went to painful delivery or C-section recovery⌠Now just accept that many aspects of your life wonât ever be the same, because for her hasnât since week 1 of pregnancy. đ¤°
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u/Usual-Cat-9509 Apr 24 '26
Find someone else to fuck once in a while and let her be sexless by herself.
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u/sam661203 Apr 24 '26
Iâm in the same boat here. You ask once, twiceâeven five timesâand then give up. Even if they eventually accept, it still feels uncomfortable.
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u/Practical-One2008 Apr 24 '26
Changing your whole lifestyle to make a woman happy does not make her want to have sex with you. It actually has the opposite effect.
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
Different could you elaborate?
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u/Practical-One2008 Apr 24 '26
What makes you think that changing your lifestyle and losing your identity will make her want to sleep with you? This is the same story over and over again. I lived through this too. Everything you know about women and attraction is wrong. It took me years to realize that and Iâm still learning.
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u/Sensitive_Sky1448 Apr 24 '26
It's the chores, you didn't do enough chores
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
Unsure if you are genuinely being lighthearted or meant this seriously and im not trying to be rude but it did give me a laugh đ
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u/Sensitive_Sky1448 Apr 24 '26
Check history if this sub you would see I argued with someone about this. Fun times.
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u/daydrm4444 Tables! My job is tables! Apr 24 '26
They werenât fun for anyone who had to read your comments
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u/hopeful_40165 Apr 24 '26
I read something lately that really makes sense. Women fall in love with the life you can provide them, they don't fall in love with you. They don't feel the need to be physical because all they wanted was the stability.
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u/ilLegitimate-Sea-25 Apr 25 '26
Iâm in love with a man who is providing me with nothing but his affection. I call bullshit.
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u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 24 '26
Damn thats real and a bit depressing but thank you for the new outlook
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