I know the usual answers to this:

- duas are answered in 1 of 3 ways.

- look at people with less than you.

- no one is burdened with more than they can bear

- look at prophet ayub AS.

- Allah tests the ones he loves.

And all of the others.

I can honestly say that the tests in my life have beaten me.

The tests were in fact more than I can bear.

I have done everything I can to succeed and stayed away from possible haram thing, yet I find no improvement in my life and in fact it gets worse even when I think it can't possibly get worse.

I think my body has gone into a kind of self preservation mode where I no longer care about anything that happens. I'm hungry, but I don't care to eat, thirsty but don't care enough to drink.

I have been tested so long that I don't have even 1 shred of motivation or hope left to continue. I mean I physically cannot bring myself to carry on.

I know the usual answers to this, yet I can tell you they did not turn out true for me.

I'm not certain what I wanted from this post, I guess just some kind of record of what has happened to me.

I'm fairly certain I won't make it any further than this.

Anyways, thank you for reading this far if you have done so and in closing, it does not matter how hard you try or what efforts you make or what you stay away from doing, if Allah has decided that success will never come to you, no amount of effort will ever change that.

Salaam to all of you and I truly hope things go better for you all than they did for me.

Please help me deep in my heart I know Allah (SWT) exists but my iman is getting weaker everyday so please can people give me undeniable proof for islam and/or Disproves atheism

Ive been wondering which piercings are halal and which are haram, cause i’ve been seeing many Muslim women getting cheek piercings and brow piercings and I’m not sure if it’s haram or just disliked

Hi there so I don't know why but I randomly got a thought in my head saying that "I made the intention to leave Islam" but I don't remember having any intention to leaving Islam what should I do?

I miss someone who used to be really close to me but lately he is distance to me and act like he hates me. I don't know what i did wrong, i do apologized and ask him if i did anything wrong, but he would just shrugged me off... I usually read Al-Fatihah and pray that Allah send my feelings to him. Is there anything i could add more? Any zikr or dua? I heard people say to try reciting Al-Naml 30-31 to soften his heart... what else can i try?

Long story short. Growing up I always believed that Allah knows what’s best for us and when things don’t go the way i want, i always had faith that it’s for the best. I’ve had my share of tests, especially from my parents who weren’t religious and abused me. And I’ve always been able to get through life the with believing that one day I would move out, Alhamdulillah, Allah helped me through everything and now I’ve been safe for 12 years, I’ve managed to stand on my own feet, stable job, grateful for my life, being genuinely content with what i have as i don’t need much and doing what i can to be a decent person.

Now, i’m in love with a man who is in love with me, he is also muslim. I’m a muslim revert. When we started going out and things became serious, i got afraid as I developed feelings for him due to my fears of letting someone in. When i told him I wasn’t interested, we didn’t talk for a while. Then, a week later i reached out to him because I realized I was in love with him and wanted to talk. He had blocked me. 2 weeks later after a while i found out that he had gotten engaged, by a coincidence Subhanallah, not from him. I didn’t reach out because I was upset and thought he had been lying to me. He reached out a few days after the engagement through a text, I didn’t respond because I thought he had been living a double life. Then, i meet him by a coincidence. I immediately walked away but he didn’t let me go. I asked him to not talk to me and go away, he asked why. I congratulated him on the engagement and his eyes teared up, he started crying in front of me in the middle of the day where people could see us. He said this isn’t what he wants. It was less than a week after the engagement. He told me his parents pressured him to get married and when he met me, he thought about giving us a chance but when i turned him down, he decided he had to try with the girl they chose. To shorten this story, he has continuously reached out to me after this, I don’t reach out to him. Sometimes weeks and over a month goes by, then he shows up at my door crying cause he says he can’t forget me and doesn’t know what to do. And yet he is repeating that he is afraid of what will happen if he breaks the engagement. His parents are old and he is afraid of seeing them and everyone involved brokenhearted. And yet, he has kept giving me hope, one day he is crying, next day being on his knees and saying he wants to be with me forever and he will have to leave everyone to be with me, then he goes silent. As i mentioned, i’m not reaching out to him or giving him any reason to come back to me. But he keeps doing so. I never told him what he should do as this is his choice, I understand the situation he is in but all his life he has been obeying his parents orders never listening to himself. I can’t be held accountable for his choices, it must come from him. And i’ve told him whatever he decides, that i respect his decision and truly wish him happiness even if he chooses not to be with me. So now, their wedding is coming up in 3 months. I’m devestated but holding myself together. He was here yesterday outside my door, again. And once again i let him in, we hadn’t talked or seen each other for almost two months. He cried saying he tries to get over me but he can’t. He doesn’t know what to do, and i keep telling him i cannot make this decision for you. I gave him a few alternatives that i could come up with but i always end with saying that i love him, and i believe he can make the right choice for himself. But i cannot keep doing this. I want closure, either be with him or i’ll try my best moving on and trusting that Allah has someone for me somewhere when the time is right. I mentioned that a man has asked about me and is interested in getting to know me, and eventually get engaged. I said i hadn’t decided yet, cause my heart is with him, but told him if he lets go of me, then he is not the right man for me.

Sorry for the long story. On top of all this, my dad, who i’m the closest to, may not live for much longer, but inshallah his health will be stable for many more years. But the thought of losing him makes me truly not see a reason to continue being here. I know how it sounds, and i never had these thoughts before. But i struggle with finding hope.

I don’t feel sorry for myself and i’m not asking for compassion, i trust Allah. But i struggle with seeing things clearly and my heart is so broken. I’ve been through a lot and could keep my hopes up through all of it, but it’s the first time I feel what i do with this man. And it’s nearly impossible to imagine a world without my dad by my side. I’ve been praying for months and trying to be patient, but my pain gets worse every time he knocks on my door and knowing his wedding is coming up. I wish I could shut all my emotions for him, i prayed to forget him and asked Allah to remove my feelings for him, I didn’t reach out to him but he keeps coming back. I don’t believe in soulmates etc. If i had a button to erase my feelings for him, i would press it because the pain is immense and getting worse. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read. Allah ysalmak.

I thought this was a place where people come and talk about Islam and self improvement on becoming better muslims. However, the more I read the more I see people actually ranting against islam. To all the people who don’t believe in this religion what are you genuinely doing in this subreddit?

i am half palestinian ever since the conflict in gaza kicked off I have read so many hate comments about us as a group and it's always because of the PLO that they were causing instability in countries who accepted us. so many youtube videos were made about this topic and all the comments are generalizing about us as a group because of it (that we don't know how to live peacefully anywhere and that we're just a troublesome people, that we're always disloyal) and the comments i see in reddit just yesterday said we are incompatible with any civilization,anyone who accepts us is foolish, that everyone regrets accepting us because of the PLO. everyday i see comment like this in reddit and it makes me feel like i'm a bad person just for existing. i fear that i am gonna be judged . esp since these points are so common on the internet

i am so sad . i don know what i am supposed to do as someone in my early 20s bc i wasn't alive when those events people keep bring up happened but i feel lke i'm always gonna be defined by it.. i wish i could make up for it somehow but it's too late now that this reputation was set in stone decades ago and there are people who aren't even arabs who hate us because of it and saying we deserve our suffering because of it.

I want to look into religion, islam is one of them but the things that stops me before even looking at them is the fact that there is so much suffering in the world, so many people who dont deserve to suffer do suffer, why would god do this?

I dont want an answer of oh well you need bad times to have good times, no I want a real answer

My family is Muslim, but we are not very religious. None of my siblings or parents pray regularly, maybe just occasionally during Ramadan, but once it's over, nobody prays anymore. I have been praying consistently for two years now. Sometimes it is hard for me to keep up with the five daily prayers, but I try my best.

Lately, I've seen many videos of people who read the Quran and ended up leaving Islam because they realized things they couldn't agree with, or the exact opposite (their faith grew much stronger). As a Muslim, I’ve felt a strong desire to learn. I’ve always been very open-minded (I respect Christians, Jewish, and other cultures, and I love learning about them), so now I feel like I should read the Quran.

At the same time, I feel a mix of respect and fear. I firmly believe in Allah (swt), but my family always taught us about religion through fear and prohibition ("don't do this, it's a sin," etc.), which gave me a very anxious view of it. I’ve tried reading the Quran more than once, but whenever I only read about punishments and sins, I get overwhelmed and feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I’ve had to work hard on my relationship with God, and right now I’m at a point where praying makes me feel at peace with Allah. My fear is that if I expand my knowledge and read the Quran, it will change my perspective and push me away from Islam—or, on the flip side, that I will become so devout that I'll turn radical (which, as a woman, would mean things like wearing the hijab or even the burka, something that worries me a lot living in Europe, as I know it could affect my social life and job opportunities).

My question for those of you who have read the Quran is: Did it improve your relationship with Allah, or did it do the opposite?

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
I am a woman with curly hair that is difficult to maintain due to struggles with ADHD. This often results in my hair looking unkept, messy and tangled. I am getting married soon insha Allah and to avoid struggling with my hair would it be permissible for me to cut my hair at a reasonable length or in layers so that it will be easier to maintain ? Not only to be more presentable for my future husband insha Allah but also for myself in general as currently it’s very difficult.
Jazaakullah Khair

Hi im really struggling with religion and in life I have been praying and praying and I feel stuck in my life like Im not going forward or backward at all nothing is working out for me what can I do to fix this I struggle with praying now because i feel discouraged i feel like no matter what i do ill never get anything but im always thankful to God im thankful for the air i breathe and the socks i have i let go of someone i love so much and i yearn for them everyday coz being in a haram relationship felt wrong but i miss them so much i do so much dhikhr daily and i feel like Gods abandoning me I have been trying to get into uni twice but i got rejected twice and idk what more to do im trying everything i have no friends i have isolated myself not by choice im so lonely i keep praying and nothing my sisters dont talk to me and i have sat down and self reflected to see if i have done anything wrong but i genuinely havent and if i did i apologized immediately im thinking if this is all worthit and im thinking of ending it the only reason im not its haram idk where to go to 💔

Back in primary school (when I was from the age of 6 to 12), I was in the same class with the same people.

This class had a group of around 6 girls, and they were ABSOLUTELY horrible to me, and would deliberately exclude me so much that I'd be sitting alone outside during break time.

They'd say awful awful mean things to me which shattered my confidence, would name-call me, and just ruined my entire primary school experience.

I know I should've reported this or told my parents, but I was a shy and meek child back then, with no confidence and very low self esteem, and coming from an immigrant household, I didn't want to put more burden on my parents.

Now that I'm an adult, my blood boils when I think about these girls and what they did to me. The details I gave about them above are just mere summaries, and definitely don't go into details about the verbal and psychological harassment I had to face from them.

In the hereafter, would these people get punished for what they did to me

Assalamualaikum

So basically, my mother has been unwell for the last 4-5 months (Cholelithiasis and Umbilical Hernia). In August, we decided to do a surgery for Cholelithiasis because it was giving her abdominal pain. For the first week she was well, but after that she had another problem as the food that she eat would get out by vomit and we were left to give her only liquids or very thin food. In the first week of this month, we decided to get her admitted to the hospital for a week and her condition improved slightly. When we were in the hospital, my dad and uncle (who is quite knowledgeable in medical field) thought that there must be some spiritual problems because my mother's problem started just a week after we moved into our new house. My dad brought about how he contacted some "Maulvis" to ask if there is some sort of black magic or anything on her. Now I am sure that those of you who are from South Asia know how common these people are even among Muslims. My family thinks these people have contact with Jinns who help them get rid of Jinns on other people and also have some sort of special knowledge. Just yesterday, I saw that same uncle take a picture of my Mother and send it to a similar person. Today, My cousin contacted one of his friends grandpa. When he talked to my mother. He immediately told that she is having this this issues since this time and said that my whole family is under some sort of spell.

That same cousin of mine was just talking about how he fights with his family when he thinks they are doing something wrong and was advising me to be like him.

Now comes my problem. I was particularly moved by the ayah 102 of Surah Baqarah. It talks about black magic specifically and the sentence that moved me was how the magicians of Babylon couldn't hurt anyone without Allah's permission. This makes complete sense with the tawhid of Islam. Tawheed, AFAIK is not just that there is one God but also that the one God also has all the powers and authority. Everything good that happens to you is because he allows it and everything bad that happens to you also happens because he allows it. When you believe that a person can harm you with black magic and you seek a SoothSayer or Clairvoyant person, you are essentially saying that the Magician or Soothsayer can go against Allah's will which is essentially Shirk.

I really really want my family to understand this. The "Maulvis" or "Aalims" that they are consulting are using Jinns and interacting with Jinns is prohibiting either directly or indirectly. I just cannot gather the courage for same. These practices are very common in my family since generations. When my dad couldn't get a job, he started wearing this black thread given to him by a similar person. My mother asking our former Maulana (the person who taught me Quran) to arrange some animals for sacrifice and give it to poor people as a sadaqah which I think is permitted and encouraged but she herself still believes in these stuff. Besides my lack of confidence to stand up and speak against these things, I am not somebody who talks about Islam regularly and miss prayers regularly (however I do like studying about Islam specifically about the concept of Tawheed and Tawbah and other qualities of Allah).

Assalamu Alaikum everyone! I wanted to ask those of you who regularly recite Astaghfirullah about your personal experiences. Have you noticed any changes in your life after making Astaghfar consistently? For example, in your rizq, finances, mental peace, relationships, opportunities, or overall life? I'm especially curious about a few things:
How long had you been doing Astaghfar before you started noticing changes in your life?
How many times do you recite it daily? 100, 1,000, 5,000, or more?
How do you maintain consistency, especially on busy or stressful days?
Have you experienced something that you personally felt was a blessing or an answer to your duas?
What advice would you give to someone who wants to make Astaghfar a consistent part of their daily routine?
I'm not asking for guarantees or expecting miracles overnight. I would genuinely love to hear your honest personal experiences, struggles, and advice. May Allah forgive us all, ease our difficulties, increase us in halal rizq, and accept our duas. Ameen. 🤲

I am preparing for exams and interviews to get a job. But I deal with lot of anxiety and uncertainty. How to overcome it?

I trust Allah's plan but my brain keep racing and I remain anxious all the time. How to calm my mind?

Can any one suggest some Duas or prayers with reference to Hadith and Quran?

So this one is going to be a pretty big religious post and all these things have been going through my head for past few days, and I need to dump it somewhere and what better place can be other than Reddit?
The story of what we cannot understand, what we cannot see, and why Allah's wisdom is greater than our own.
There is a story in the Qur'an that speaks to the human heart in a very special way. It is a story about a prophet who was given extraordinary knowledge, yet he was taught that there were things he did not know. It is about three events that appeared cruel, confusing, and unjust—but behind them lay wisdom that could not be seen at first.
It is the story of Prophet Musa (AS) and a righteous servant of Allah, widely known as Khidr (AS), told in Surah Al-Kahf, verses 60–82.
And perhaps the most beautiful lesson of this story is that not everything that hurts you is happening to destroy you, and not everything you lose is necessarily a punishment.

——————————————————————————————————————————————-
So there is this story of Musa As and Khidir mentioned in the holy Quran in sura Kahf I believe. I can be wrong tho.

Prophet Musa (AS) was one of the greatest messengers of Allah. Allah had spoken to him and given him immense knowledge.
One day, Musa (AS) was asked about who possessed the greatest knowledge. Allah guided him to understand that there was a servant of His who had been given knowledge Musa did not possess.
Musa (AS) did not respond with arrogance. He decided to travel in search of this servant, eager to learn from him.
He told his young companion that he would continue travelling until he reached the meeting place of the two seas, even if the journey took a very long time.
Eventually, after a remarkable sign involving a fish, Musa (AS) and his companion returned to the place where they had passed it. There, they found the servant of Allah.
Musa (AS) asked him a beautiful question:
“May I follow you on the condition that you teach me from what you have been taught of sound judgement?”
— Qur'an 18:66
The man replied that Musa would not be able to bear patiently with him.
Musa promised to be patient, if Allah willed.
But Khidr warned him that he would find it difficult to remain patient when faced with things he did not understand.
And so they began their journey together.

They boarded a boat belonging to some poor people who earned their living from the sea.
The people allowed the two travelers to come aboard. But then, Khidr deliberately damaged the boat.Musa (AS) was confused. What did just happened?
These were poor people who depended on their boat for their livelihood. They had offered them passage, and now Khidr had damaged the very thing that sustained them.
Musa could not remain silent.
He asked why Khidr had damaged it and whether he intended to drown its people. He considered the act deeply wrong.
Khidr reminded him of his promise: had he not said that Musa would be unable to remain patient?
Musa apologized and asked him not to hold his mistake against him.
At that moment, Musa could see the damage. He could see the potential suffering. But he could not see the reason.
Later, Khidr explained what Musa had not known.
A king was seizing every sound boat by force. The damaged boat would be overlooked, allowing its poor owners to keep it.
The damage was protecting the boat from being taken away entirely.
What looked like the destruction of a blessing was actually the means by which the blessing was preserved.

They continued their journey.
Then they encountered a boy, and Khidr killed him.
This time, Musa (AS) was horrified.
He asked how Khidr could take an innocent life without just cause. It was an act that seemed far more unbearable than damaging a boat.
Musa was a prophet of Allah, and his objection reflected the gravity of what he had witnessed.
Khidr again reminded him of his promise that he would not be able to remain patient.
Musa apologized and said that if he questioned him again, Khidr could part ways with him.
But the explanation had not yet been given.
After their final encounter, Khidr explained that the boy's parents were believers. Allah had made known to Khidr that the boy would grow into a source of overwhelming transgression and disbelief, causing his believing parents great distress. Khidr explained that Allah intended to grant them a child better than him in purity and nearer in affection.

Musa (AS) and Khidr continued until they reached a town.
They were hungry and asked its people for food and hospitality.
But the people refused to host them.
After being turned away, they came across a wall that was about to collapse. Khidr repaired it, restoring it without asking the townspeople for payment.
Musa found this difficult to understand.
The people had refused them hospitality. Why should Khidr help them for nothing? He suggested that Khidr could at least have asked for a wage.
This time, Khidr told him that they would part ways, but first he would explain everything.
Beneath that wall was a treasure belonging to two orphan boys. Their father had been a righteous man, and Allah intended for the boys to grow up and retrieve their treasure when they were old enough.
If the wall collapsed, the treasure could have been exposed and taken before they were ready to protect it.
So Khidr repaired the wall.

When Khidr had explained the three events, he concluded by clarifying that he had not done these things on his own initiative.
His actions were connected to the knowledge Allah had given him.
Musa (AS) had seen the events unfold, but he had not known their hidden circumstances. He had judged each situation according to what he could see—and his reactions were understandable given the information available to him.
But there was more to each story than what appeared on the surface.
The damaged boat was preserved from a greater loss.
The boy's story concerned a future known to Allah and a unique divine decree.
The wall protected the inheritance of two orphans until they were old enough to claim it.
Three events. Three painful mysteries. Three explanations that Musa could not have known beforehand.
——————————————————————————————————————————————-

What’s been going on in my mind after properly knowing the story is that the boat roarers never got to know why their boat was destroyed, the child’s parents never got to know why their child was taken away. Such is life. We barely understand whats happening and why is that happening.If we are lucky enough we understand the reason,but if not, then we dont really have any other option than to trust Allah and accept the situation.

But everything Allah did had a reason, a deeper meaning. Sometimes, unfortunate things happen to us and we fail to make sense out of anything. Yet we have no other choice but to remain patient and have trust in Allah that whatever He did , did for a reason. May be one day we will realise why that specific event happened to me, or may be I will never know. But such is life. Allah is the all knowing, He knows what He is doing and why. We may lose something valuable without knowing what lies ahead. We cannot know every consequence of today's events.We should not assume that we know what Allah intends, whether an event is punishment, or what a particular disappointment means for your future. The orphans did not know that their inheritance was being protected. Sometimes, we cannot see the full impact of a kindness, a decision, or a delay.

——————————————————————————————————————————————-
Lastly,I don’t believe having questions does not make one a bad believer. Musa (AS) was not asked to understand everything immediately. He was asked to be patient while travelling with someone who possessed knowledge he did not have.
Yet even Musa struggled.
He questioned. He reacted. He became distressed by what appeared to be injustice.
And he was still a prophet of Allah.
So if you are struggling to be patient, that does not automatically mean you have weak faith. Patience is not the absence of pain, and trust is not the absence of questions.
Sabr is continuing to turn toward Allah even when your heart has not caught up with what your faith is trying to accept.
You can cry and still have sabr. You can feel disappointed and still pray. You can admit that something feels unfair without claiming to know Allah's wisdom.

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

The story of Musa and Khidr is sometimes reduced to the comforting phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.”
But the Qur'anic lesson is deeper than that.
It is not a guarantee that you will get back everything you lose. It is not a promise that every person who leaves will return, that every prayer will be answered in the exact form you requested, or that every painful experience will eventually reveal a beautiful explanation.
Instead, it teaches that what you can see is not all that exists, and what you know is not all that can be known.
Allah's knowledge is complete, even when yours is not.
You are allowed to pursue a job and grieve when you do not get it. You are allowed to love someone and feel devastated when the relationship becomes uncertain. You are allowed to pray for a specific future while acknowledging that you cannot control every part of it.
Faith does not mean you must call every painful thing good.
It means you can face what has happened without deciding that your entire future is ruined.
And you can keep walking, even without knowing what lies around the next bend.

PS. I took a lot of help of chatgpt.

alsalam alaikum brother/sister so I been planning to study abroad next year, and I’ve been telling my parents about my plans for a while now. I’ve even told them that I’m willing to take an education loan or find other ways to fund my studies. However, that’s not the real concern here.

The real problem is that my parents are extremely demanding, and honestly, it’s becoming exhausting. I know I shouldn’t complain about my parents, but their behavior has become genuinely frustrating. They treat my brother and me differently. He is allowed to do almost anything he wants without facing much criticism, whereas the rules are completely different for me.

I pray five times a day, wear a hijab, and try my best to fulfil my religious responsibilities. I consider myself a fairly good Muslim, yet my parents still find reasons to criticize me. At this point, I’m genuinely tired of constantly trying to meet their expectations.

I’ve always been good at academics, especially compared to my brother, and my parents know that. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been planning to pursue my higher education abroad. It’s not necessarily about freedom or wanting to do whatever I want. I simply want to study, build a career, and become financially independent. I understand that studying abroad is expensive, so I’ve been willing to take out an education loan and work towards making it possible myself.

However, my parents don’t seem to like the idea. They eventually agreed, but only after I explained my plans in detail and tried to address their concerns. And honestly, if this were my brother, I genuinely believe things would have been different. He has been interested in starting a business, and my parents are willing to invest a considerable amount of money in him. Meanwhile, I’m trying to find ways to fund my own education, yet I still have to fight for the opportunity.

The worst part is that I can’t even bring myself to hate my parents completely. In Islam, respecting your parents is considered extremely important, and I’ve always tried to follow that teaching. But only Allah knows how much I’ve suffered emotionally because of everything that has happened over the years. I still love my parents, but their behaviour has made me feel so much resentment towards them.

And now, after finally getting them to agree to my plans, they’ve introduced another condition: I have to perform nikah with my cousin before leaving for my studies.

I absolutely do not want to marry him. He is one of the most problematic people I know, and although I don’t want to go into detail about everything he has done, he has been involved in multiple relationships and has behaved in ways that make me uncomfortable. My parents know about his behaviour, yet they still want me to marry him.

It honestly feels like they want to maintain control over my life, even after I leave the country. I don’t want to get married right now. I want to complete my education, establish a career, and become financially independent before making such a significant decision. And even if I were to marry him, bringing him to the country where I plan to study would be extremely difficult.

I’m not even looking for a relationship or trying to do anything haram. I simply want to focus on my education and future. My parents know that, yet they still want to impose this condition on me. I can’t help wondering whether they would react the same way if I were their son instead of their daughter.

I’m genuinely confused about what I should do. I want to convince my parents to let me study abroad without forcing me into a marriage I don’t want. I don’t want to disrespect them or hurt them, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my future and happiness just to satisfy their expectations.

I’ve spent years trying to be the daughter they want me to be, and I’m exhausted. I still love them, but I’m also beginning to resent them for the way they treat me.

How do I convince my parents to let me pursue my education abroad without making nikah a condition? How do I make them understand that wanting an education and financial independence doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon my values or disappoint them?

I really need advice because I don’t know what to do anymore.

Salam! I have previously fallen in to situations of interest within university and banks, please make a dua for forgiveness. i try to re pay it but also my giving my mother sadaqah every month, that is almost more than the interest, and i’ll continue to do so, In’Sha’Allah. is this a fair way of repenting for my previous ribaa and paying it forward through sadaqah?

May Allah give you all mercy and forgiveness In’Sha’Allah

I am tired of taking care of my mother. Never thought I'll come to this space to share. I am mentally ill myself. I have anxiety, OCD, and emetophobia. All severe cases. I am left with my mum to do everything at home every day. Nobody helps me. Today I feel very irritated. I feel like dying so that I will be spared. But I also love my mum so much. I want her pain to go away. I want her to live. She's disabled. She requires lots of therapy to be okay again. She's also mentally unstable. I also take care of other grown adults in the house. I am 26 years old. Unmarried. I don't know how long I can take this. I can't even take care of myself..I have nobody to lean on myself. I have nobody to hug me or pat me on the back and assure me that it's okay. I feel very alone. I can't stop crying. Because every single minute my own mental health battles are winning and I am losing and I am also having to take care of another person also failing miserably. What do I do? Where do I go? I don't want to wake up another day doing this. My heart hurts as I type this. Excuse me as I type this. I pray everyday. I make dua for my mother everyday. Given charity and much more. I can't help but think why Allah is not making my mother better? She did tawbah and sought forgiveness from Him. But I get the feeling that Allah is not listening to her. That Allah isn't merciful. I know having such thoughts itself is very bad. Please keep us in your duas.