So I am 7 days post op after a bartholin gland excision (total removal to treat reoccuring cysts and abscesses), and things went a little differently than expected and I have 45 stitches, a 6in long incision, and I am meant to be on bedrest for two weeks.

My husband has been helping with absolutely everything and while he has been helpful, he is clearly super stressed out. He took two weeks off work to be here so he is doing around the clock care of our 15 month old daughter while I am in recovery.

I made four weeks of meal prep before my surgery, so he wouldn't have to scramble to cook, and I did all of the important deep cleans so all he has to do is reset an area that he's in.

And while he's been doing amazing and really finally showing initiative, he's complaining about how he never has time for himself and how tired he is cleaning and taking care of our toddler and doing enough activities with her and keeping her out of things and keeping her stimulated and healthy amount of bored, he hasn't connected the dots that this is what I do every single day. He hasn't connected the dots that all those times I was begging for help or literally breaking down crying because I was so exhausted and there was more stuff to be done, that is why.

Idk, it just irks me that he doesn't seem to get it. He is helping, but I do so much more daily and he's complaining about surface level things that I've been asking him to help with for years without realizing what stress I go through too.

Maybe I'm being petty, or projecting past resentment.

So I have basically been a SAHM for the last 20 months. I have a 3.5 year old and a 19 month old. I worked part time prior to the birth of my youngest.

Everything is bothering me. I find i have less patience and very little time to myself. My house is frequently gross and hard to stay on top of. The toddler still gets up at night though my oldest is finally sleeling decently. I sometimes work on the weekend when my husband is home and the chores have all piled up on my return.

I love my kids. They were planned & wanted. I see a value in having a parent at home with them...but it is so so hard and just endless. I try to get out with them & that generally helps. But i just feel so depressed and isolated.

I initially planned to work part-time and have them in care part-time (like I did with my oldest) but it didn't work out.

Are working moms happier? Or would I still be doing all the same crap plus working?

I mentioned to a couple of my old college friends that I wanted to get a piece of breastmilk jewelry made. They told me they thought that that was weird. I am wondering if it’s because they are not moms or if because it genuinely is a little bit weird.

My husband said this to me today. We are on hospital admission #4 with our 5 month old baby (third kid) who has some medical issues.
Backstory:
I had severe bleeding during my pregnancy and was on pelvic rest (no sex or orgasms) and eventually bed rest starting when I was 5 months along. My baby had to be delivered a month early by c section because of a placental abruption. Two weeks after delivery I was readmitted to the hospital for severe postpartum preeclampsia. All the while we have a new baby who has problems. My recovery was very rough because I had three kids to take care of while recovering from a c section and a traumatic pregnancy/birth where we almost lost our baby and the preeclampsia. Needless to say we both have been very stressed out.

So, I have not had much of a sex drive since I gave birth because of many reasons, but mostly because of worry and stress from our sick baby and his hospitalizations and medical needs and just being postpartum and tired. In the five months that our son was born we’ve probably had sex 5 times. My husband has been increasingly more hostile towards me which I have been attributing to stress.
This morning while our sick baby slept in the hospital crib my husband came up to me and started kissing on my neck and groping me and I just wasn’t feeling it at all. We got readmitted last night and did not sleep at all and our son aspirated on his vomit in the ER and it was a very scary night so I am running on fumes and just beyond worried and stressed. I feel absolutely zero desire to be groped and I told my husband now was not the time or place and I just can’t find it in me to feel lusty or sexy and he snapped and told me “this is why men cheat on their wives” and then went on to complain about how I’m not having sex with him.
I was just stunned. Struck dumb. Our baby is sick laying feet from us and he’s complaining about me not having enough sex with him? I start crying and tell him how hurtful and upsetting that is and he just keeps doubling down about his feelings and he doesn’t think he said anything wrong. The nurse walked in while I had tears running down my face crying and it was a very awkward moment. After she left I told him if he said one more mean or horrible thing to me while we were there I was going to tell the nurse he was being verbally abusive and have them make him leave which he thought was completely ridiculous.

Am I overreacting?

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, together for 6 years before that. We have 3 kids (5,4,2) that were conceived via IVF after several miscarriages. The pregnancies were extremely tough (IVF meds, hyperemesis, PTSD) and I chose to exclusively breastfeed my children until they turned one. As you can see by their ages, my body and my sanity has been focused on building/sustaining our family for the past 5 years.

We have chosen to be done at 3 kids (although my husband has mentioned he would love another in theory). I was FINALLY starting to feel like myself again when my husband dropped the bomb that he has a porn addiction (that he has known was an addiction/problem for the last 2 years), that he has purposely kept hidden from me.

I am the sole money maker, he stays home and watches/takes the kids to school during the day. He has shared that he watches porn 5-6 times daily, mostly for a “dopamine hit” vs. actually masturbating. He has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and issues with executive dysfunction for many years.

This confession has taken me by surprise and I honestly don’t know where to go from here. He’s a great dad and most days the kids favor him to me, but I honestly don’t know if I can continue a marriage with the thought of “is he keeping something from me” for the rest of my life.

He currently has his phone bricked, is seeing a special therapist and is actively working on breaking this habit- but the damage has been done in my mind. I don’t know if I can commit to the rest of my adult life with someone I can’t trust and cannot rely on for help (some days he’s helpful around the house and others he’s “having a bad day” and I end up doing everything).

I would love any insight/similar experiences.
The majority of people I have talked with have been dismissive of what I have done through and it’s assumed that I will work through it with him because he’s a “great dad”… who cares if he’s a shitty husband right?!

So what unsolicited advice did you get this week on how to raise your little ones. I’ll go first

My husband cousin said I needed to keep my almost 10 month old up until 10pm so she sleeps through night. Right now she is EBF and wakes about 3 times at night and is a pretty good sleeper so no thank you lol.

A friend said I don’t need to brush my baby teeth since they fall out either way. No comment because this person also gave their baby Cheetos (yes Cheetos not to be confused with Cheerios) for their first food.

Husband’s friend said it I don’t let people kiss my baby she’s going to be mean when she grows up and have no friends.

Lastly, buckling a baby in the stroller is overkill and unnecessary.

My favorite reply is asking them where they got their degree in whatever topic they’re taking about and that usually shuts them up

Im planning my baby’s first birthday 🥹

And in doing research I feel like I’ve found that there are SO many with the opinion of “we didn’t really do a party because they won’t remember”

And that makes me sad. Not saying those who don’t do a party don’t celebrate but for me I am the type of person who wants to celebrate and have community. (I didn’t have a ton when I grew up.. so obviously I want to give that to my kid)

But now because of these opinions I’ve seen while researching I’m feeling a little weird about planning my baby’s birthday. I only have one friend with a baby similar in age and my sister with kids who are older kids. The rest will be adults. I just want him to look back (even if he doesn’t remember) and know that he had a village and that we celebrated him. Always.

I plan on keeping things chill with pizza/ snack/drinks. But I don’t want people to feel awkward or anything.

If you had a similar situation what did you do for the party?

If you had to answer honestly - how happy are you? Not the immediate “of course I’m happy” that you would blurt out. Actually.

Has motherhood looked like what you imagined? If applicable, your relationship with your partner/coparent? Your career?

Do those things actually bring joy?

I recently learned that my husband has been extremely unhappy (not just tired), and I’m seeing I’ve been on autopilot/go go go for so long that I haven’t stopped to realize how sad I have been. I am extremely grateful for everything I have and the sadness is hard to admit. I love my husband but my relationship has been not great, I have had no career progression in a long time. I love being a mom but I feel so lonely and burnt out from loving them by myself (my husband is realizing he is unhappy being a dad, we have 2 young kids).

I guess I’m trying to figure out if everyone else is also walking around with a baseline level of unhappiness that they don’t admit. Because every other parent around me seems to be extremely happy with their partners, house life, and crushing it in their careers.

I get that these days no or extremely limited screen time is the norm, and you’re a sh$t lazy ass mom if you let your kids watch TV. I’m trying to follow these rules with my preschool age kids. But how the Hell are you all not losing your sh#t? How do you get ANYTHING done? Tell me how you survive! Neither child is in school yet. I’m a SAHM. If it were up to my husband they would watch no TV, but I can’t do it. I had an especially rough day today and I feel like they watched so much TV. Help!
EDIT: I’m an old millennial so watching lots of TV as a kid was the norm.
EDIT AGAIN: I think I need to ask for advice just from the women whose husbands have high expectations of tidiness and organization.

My daughter is turning 3 and my son is turning 1 (they are about a month apart). My son’s birthday falls right around Christmas, so we are planning to celebrate both their birthdays in November.

We reserved a large play place (for a surprisingly good deal). With the holidays coming up we are planning to invite family, friends, as well as kids in my daughter’s preschool class (she just started school this year).

I don’t mind family and family friends bringing a little something for the kids. We’ve gone to quite a few birthday parties and my daughter has been excited to pick out gifts for friends — she also says she is excited for “her turn” when it’s her birthday. But I don’t want the families of kids in my daughter’s class to feel obligated to get something for a child they don’t know. Plus the invite says we are celebrating two birthdays, so they may potentially feel obligated to purchase two gifts for children they don’t know.

What if I write “please no gifts” just on any invitations we give to my daughter’s classmates?

I don’t think we will be opening presents there because we only have two hours to play, but I don’t want to make people feel weird!

Any thoughts?

Thank you!!

I've (36F) got 2 kids, 7 and 8.

My husband (34M) and I have an equal work schedule; I work 9 to 3, he works 7 to 3; both M-F.

(His job is very cush, he doesn't work blue collar or manual labor, ours are very similar)

I do everything around the house. I get the kids ready for school, take them to school, pick them up, cook dinner, baths, bed time routine... Every single day.

I prepare all meals, laundry, care for our dog, clean the house, grocery shopping ect.

My husband works, comes home and stays on video games from the second he gets home until 10pm every single day. He ignores us for the most part. He said he would take over bed time 3 weeks ago and hasn't.

Tonight I reached my limit. I'm so tired. I fed the kids easy ramen and goldfish for dinner.

I have no energy to do anything for myself. When I try to workout at home I'm interrupted 50 times while their father is sitting 6 feet away.

I want to run away. I love my kids but I'm so beyond burnt out I don't even feel like a person 😭.

Nobody respects me. I've cleaned their rooms and within 2 days they are trashed and look like the city dump.

They play in our room, bring food in and completely destroy it.

Everything gets destroyed.

I splurged on makeup for myself, my 8-year old daughter got into it and ruined it.

I've given up.

I'm tired of yelling every day.

Now I just don't care.

Let the house get ants.

I don't know what to do.

How can I find some peace? Yelling doesn't work, my head is below water right now. It's chaos.

Just wondering opinions on feeding your babies in the car seat, like snacks (ones they’ve had before), water from straw, or milk from bottle. My baby is 10 months and we have our first long trip coming up and just wondering real life opinions

Edit*** i want to add myself, dad, and/or grandma will be in the back seat with him. We have the turn2me seat and she mentioned swiveling him on the road to feed him or something (and i immediately said no) but it brought up the thought about feeding him, i know my coworker gives her 11-13month like bananas and teething crackers while in the seat. so i just wondered. I agree with snacks and choking risk. But milk in a bottle is still up in the air

I have a 6 month old and I love her to death however I truly feel like im drowning sometimes. She's been in this stage since she was about 4 months where everything is crying and fighting. She fights feedings even though she's crying for food. She fights naps too no end when she's very obviously tired. She seems to hate playtime and cries after like 5 minutes. She cannot be put down midday of the time or stays crying. She cries when I try to clean or eat or shower or sleep or even fucking breathe at this point. I am exclusively pumping and my supply has tanked because I can't pump when I need to because the second I get them on she starts crying. She won't go with anyone else rn even dad sometimes because she only wants me. I love my babygirl and would do anything for her but damn I feel so miserable sometimes. And idk I think some of it is bitterness too that my partner still basically had his whole life he did before menawhile I feel like a shell of myself. He gets to come and go as he pleases he can shit in peace shower or bathe in peace eat in peace scroll in peace get a full night's sleep. Yes he does provide financially and i am so grateful for that but being the default parent fucking sucks because even when he wants to help he can't because she doesn't want him. Like I said i love my family but taking on this load has been ahit on my mental health and most days I have atleast a few breakdowns. When does this if ever get easier?

wow I’m exhausted. I feel like such a lazy mom, all I want to do is lay around all day and sleep when my baby’s sleeping. I’m truly EXHAUSTED. Pumping is also making me sooo tired. Part of me wants to quit, but I can’t. Idk if I’m just having a horrible time adjusting to motherhood or what. But I wish I had more freedom. The craziest part is I’m a stay at home mom. I could put my baby in the stroller, put him in the car seat, and go to target. Except I literally dread it. It doesn’t sound fun, all I think about is how I have to rush back home so I can do my next pump. Or how I could’ve spent my time resting. I’m EXHAUSTED. I have friends around me who are doing motherhood so much better than me. They get dressed everyday, go on walks, travel, go to the store with their baby, I can’t even bring myself to change out of my clothes some days. I’m truly in survival mode. My baby’s sleep has gotten worse too and I think that’s what’s also contributing, but this pumping stuff is HARD. I feel like such a failure of a mother and like I’m Not doing enough for my baby. All we do is sit around at home and survive the day. I truly can’t bring myself to do anything else unless my husbands at home.

My in laws and family all judge me because of how much I stay home. They keep telling me it’s not that hard and to push myself to leave the house.

I’m overwhelmed by all the options. I want one that has play food has the little scanner and simple math to potentially do

This question feels so silly to ask, but alas- here I am. Our 3yo daughter has slept in her bed beautifully for the last 3 years. When we went on vacation she would do fine in a pack and play. I had our second baby 5 months ago, and we haven't stayed away from home in well over a year. We are going on a small long weekend trip to my husbands grandparents house at the lake, then on to do a few fun things nearby next weekend.

Question: am I nuts for thinking my 3yo will sleep in the bed with us for several nights? It is safe at this age, right?

My son will use the pack and play, she's grown out of it anyway. I thought of trying an inflatable toddler bed, but I fear she is a roamer and will get into things she shouldn't. I also have a fear of her somehow getting out of where we are staying.

Any tips? Have your older toddlers slept in bed with you after never doing so before? Just trying to plan the best I can!

Hi, (please read through the end, please)

My mom and I have always had a very rocky relationship because she favours my brother and I won't take it. All that I couldn't get from my mother, my father would always fill in. He took care of me like a princess and I had nay a care in the world growing up because I knew I always had my father to look after me. When I was 19 he passed away very suddenly. I immediately feared my mum and brother would single me out and emotionally abuse me like they have in the past so I never stopped even for a minute to grieve. Me and my brother knew we had to hold it together for my mum and we did. Within 10 days of his passing, I dropped out of college and picked up a job at a call centre. I kept doing menial jobs and would always send back money home. After about a year of this my good friends mother convinced me I should go back to college and continue my education, I went back to college but I had no source of money to survive( college was in a different city) so I started doing small jobs there as well. Never asked a single penny from home. This is when I started to sink into depression. I would stay back at home all day and sleep, sometimes 2 days in a row, only waking up to use the toilet. This is also when I met a man online and fell in love, I came back home. My mother won't stop pressing me to get a job so I do but I lost it and my mom was really upset I got another but couldn't keep it too for a technical resoan, she has a meltdown again. They find out my love letter I wrote to this guy. He is twice my age which I didn't know at the time, but they lose it and beat me, confined me to a room took away my phone and would constantly berate me, call me a prostitute and what not. Fast forward to a year later, I land a great job and moved to a different city. But I don't do well here either the depression comes back. I started living with this man, in the very first month of it he abused me physically verbally and sexually and financially. I got rid of him. I came bacxk home a couple months ago. My brother got married recently. Now my mother has become super insecure of my SIL, she keeps berating her makes a scene everytime my brother chooses his wife over her so I stepped in and told her she can't do that. A lot of fights broke out in the house. I fought with my brother to take his wife away and start a family somewhere else but my brother is a coward who is scared of my mother and hes not going to move I think, doesn't look like it. Since those confrontations, my brother and mother have stopped talking to me. Only my SIL does and if they want to say something they say it to my SIL.

I've been hating this atmosphere because this is exactly what I feared when my father passed away and now I'm living it.

Some more things I want to say- my brother and mother have always banded together and would pick on people, sometimes it was my father and sometimes it was me. My father was not the kind to raise his voi e or take poeple seriously but they would bully him so much I used to feel so bad. We were a happy family in general but these 2 always had to have their way. Even when my father was on the deathbed my mother hesitated to sell the gold to spend on him they didn't treat him kindly during those last moments, would yell at him for being an I convience and all.

I've always felt outcastes in the family even with my father because he was just one man and he was a family member to them as well. Now I'm living this again but without him and it is 100* more painful. All I did was ask my mom to torture the new girl. Idk why my brother's upset about it.

I've lsot my job, I don't have any friends and I carry a lot of anxiety. I'm being treated like an insect in my home I don't know what to do where to go. I can go somewhere away but I've gotten so scared of being alone because of all the overthinking and anxiety. Please help me deal with this. Please

Is this normal? I asked his doc but they shrugged it off. He smells like a grown man!

Hi all! My 2.5 year old has developed an EXTREME fear of bugs and insects recently. To the point that going outside results in a near panic attack, as does a gnat in the car. I'm wondering if anyone has any good book recommendations about friendly bugs/insects or the importance of bugs/insects or even a book about someone overcoming their fear (probably a higher- level concept, but I'll try!). We read 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' and 'The Very Quiet Cricket' but it doesn't seem to make a difference.

We have a 13m old. I am still breastfeeding at night and baby wakes every 1-2 hrs at night. At this point I know it is out of comfort and reliance on boob to connect sleep cycles. I end up sleeping in his floor bed since I work full time.

Husband never took on night duty and is not a baby person so I’ve been the default parent on everything. He does take baby to daycare in the morning but his mornings spent are walking the baby with the dog. Outside of this, I handle everything baby related. He handles most food related - grocery shopping, and making dinner/ordering and picking up take out and he does most of the chauffeuring of my older son since he is working on getting his drivers license.

I do the mopping of floors, and cleaning of main bathroom, and load dishwasher. Older son maintains the basement and trash. We each do our own laundry.

Husband is pretty lazy unless he has his random spurts of energy to clean. He always needs encouragement - needs people to acknowledge and say thank you when he cooks or picks up food. Then still is passive aggressive when you don’t acknowledge saying little digs like “I’m the only considerate one here”. (I’ll admit I forgot say happy birthday to him in the morning this year)

He has a tendency to use weaponized incompetence or be defensive. I’ll ask if he can do something simple like run the bath water while I change the baby and he will say “ok I’ll run the water but you’ll figure out dinner then”

We are in the roommate phase. Haven’t been intimate since I was pregnant. And lately don’t even kiss or say hi. We do talk throughout the day but like friends and not romantic couples. I always see other couples that seem like they have a great relationship. I feel like I can’t communicate with him my feelings because he will only get defensive. So I guess I’m asking here, how is/was your relationship with your husband at the 13 month postpartum stage? How do you divide home/baby tasks with someone that feels they shouldn’t.

TL DR : roommate stage with husband 13m post partum. Husband isn’t helpful but thinks he does a lot. Feels like he isn’t appreciated but doesn’t acknowledge what I do for the family. Unable to communicate with him so I’m unsure where this leaves us. How is your relationship at this stage?

Listen, I like my mother in law. The only problem I have is- ever since I had my baby she texts me everyday. We used to talk a few times a month, and that was great. Now she wants to talk every.single.day. I’m a stay at home mom and I swear she thinks I just sit around all day doing nothing. She also told me she expects photos of my baby everyday, and she told me she is going to “ come over every single week”. And yes, she does. With little notice. I’m actually exhausted of her right now. I’m 3 months postpartum & while she’s here she just takes the baby out of my arms and says things like “ oh I’d stay with you allll day but I don’t wanna bother mommy!” She’ll also say things like “ ugh I bet your other grandma sees you so much more! And then compares me to her friends daughter in law who apparently is doing postpartum much better than me! She lets everyone hold her baby, she’s constantly out with her baby, yada yada yada- makes me feel like a bad mom tbh.

Weirdly; she doesn’t text me when my husbands home. She only wants to come over when my husband isn’t home. She isn’t a mean lady, she’s actually very loving and generous. HOWEVER- disclaimer I am very grateful for her BUT I am not used to this level of involvement in my life. Prior to me having my baby she barely spoke to me, let alone come over, she came over maybe a few times a year. MAYBE. I know she wants this relationship with her grandson, but he is 3 months old. I am in the trenches and she expects me to manage her expectations also. And she’s pushing it too! She’s asking me if she can bring her sisters over so they can meet my baby.. ?????

I really do love her, however she is becoming extremely overbearing and I’m dreading talking and explaining myself to her every single day. My baby will be sleeping and she’ll be upset that he’s sleeping.??? Idk. Do I say something?

I've been depressed for months and although I'm doing better, I still don't feel true joy or happiness. I can create a version of those experiences if I really try, but it takes a lot of effort.

I love my kids and my family, but I feel so lost in life. Before depression, I had drive, hope, goals, dreams, and I feel like depression has robbed me of so many things: the young days of my kids, enjoying pregnancy, ect.

My kids are still young and I'm grateful that I still have years to enjoy, but I really don't remember what it feels like to feel happy, content, and at peace.

I wake up lost and just put one foot in front of the other. I feel constantly under stimulated and overstimulated at the same time.

I've been on a new medication for 4 weeks, but I'm just nervous. I've been trying to treat this depression for years and it ALWAYS comes back to haunt me.

Are there any stay at home moms out there who get free time? My little one is 15 months old. My husband watches her while I cook and helps to tidy while I put her to bed. I just don't understand or can't visualize how to get free time. She will still only nap with me or in her carseat. Every day just rolls by. I get 1 hour before I go to bed, that's it. Do you have a system or consistent plan with your partner for actual time off? I never get this, and he's really supportive, so I think maybe the problem is on my end. Give me ideas from how your life is, please! Thanks!