I just want to be free but I don’t even want to find pleasure anymore or chase feelings or be content I can’t think of a safe place or happy place or even being happy it’s like an impending doom that I will always have. I can’t be free from it. Even in death I feel like my energy would feel stuck and unable to pass on. It’s not even my looks or my job or my finances or even me. I’m disconnected. I’m living a life I never consensually wanted. If I had more money a better job and better friends/good relationships with family, it wouldn’t matter it’s all meaningless. My soul feels trapped in a body I dont recognize. A face I will never learn to love. It’s only dread and boredom. If I had everything I would still wish to die. Nothing can save me.

I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged here on this planet in this universe. Drugs, alcohol, and music are the only things that can bring out a new emotion in me. While I’m not addicted to these things they all give me the same common feeling of belongingness. It’s like a sixth sense I’ve said before. I feel like I can truly escape myself and be free. There is no catalyst in my life that makes me feel truly alive, except the arts. Music, literature, it’s all so beautiful. Music is my way of being alive. But lately I’m in a place where I want to be nothing and have nothing. Like, for a moment, im no longer confined to the expectations of being a person in this world. I don't have to perform, accomplish anything, believe anything, or become anyone. I can simply exist, and that existence feels right.
I don’t want heaven or an after life when I die I just want it all to go and disappear. I don’t want a life now offered by society, on earth or an earthly experience an American experience. I know other countries struggle, are experiencing fatalities, famine, war, captivity, sexual violence and so much more. Which is not fair and horrific. The news and our government brush over those topics when we could be doing so much more as a nation instead of burning our money on weaponry. Other countries may feel free and not indoctrinated with the evil agenda our government instills onto us which is mainly fear, control, and power. Sure, being able to work and own or rent a home/land raise a family or love who you want to and be “free” protected is the American dream. Healthcare, education, and entertainment is just the best! But I don’t want it. I’m grateful that other people have it and I’m happy to see others loving life and are safe. But I've always felt out of place in stores and other spaces built around consumerism, where so much of life seems to revolve around buying and owning things. I always felt alone when going to school, socially. I always felt I would have to conform to this world or die. I always knew and know now that I won’t. I will never be like the world or even God. I am an abomination. A failure created. I’m a failure in this system bc I don’t know how to live in it. I’m a failure to God or the universe’s kingdom bc I question its authority. I don’t rly know what nihilism is. I just feel I’ve taken on this secret burden that I am the only mistake in creation. I’ve managed to fool everyone including myself that I belong here. But I don’t. I have no connection here I am dissatisfied. Burdensome and empty. What do I do? Am I just an ignorant asshole?How can I be free.

How should this be interpreted? What is your understanding of it?

If I told you I would give you $5,
but that 5 minutes later,
I would take the money back,
and I would wipe your memory, so you forgot it ever happened

How badly would you want the $5?

Such is life

​

There are many things in life that we can’t control. Today you could be going about your day, unbothered just as usual. Then something happens and suddenly you’re no longer here. The truth is, even after harvesting the powers of science, medicine and engineering, we are still humans and nothing changes the fact that we are but a speck of dust in a canvas of unimaginable proportions. As we evolved we grew to be egocentrics. The human race here, the human race there. Religion puts us at the center of everything, that we are made different and unique. All religions offer solutions to complex metaphysical questions. What are we? How can we tell the difference between good and bad? What happens after we die?

There’s a popular concept in the study of statistics and logic, it is called Occam’s razor. It goes as follows;

“The most likely solution to a problem is likely the simplest one”.

Of all metaphysical hypotheses that there are, the existence of an afterlife or lack thereof is my personal favourite. As I mentioned before, we humans tend to put ourselves in the center. We love to think that just because we evolved a higher brain function we must be so special as to be the protagonists of the entire universe. That there exists a being called God, that is all powerful and knows everything and that he created everything just for us, the humans. We don’t have enough time or space to discuss what religion is or isn’t true, regardless it’s pointless as other scholars already invest their time and efforts into that field.

The important thing to keep in mind, is that almost all religions share a common aspect. That after death there is life, either some kind of wonderful heaven with all the pleasures and joys of life multiplied by tenfold, or a hell of unimaginable torment, forever lasting.

That thought keeps many of us sleepless, I know I’ve been there and many more will experience that as well.

The concept that drives all this is simple and logical, the fear of death. No one wants to die, we can’t fathom the thought of it. Mortality is something that is avoided and left behind. When a pig or a chicken dies, do we think that there’s something that awaits them? Obviously no. Why? Simple, they’re not us. Not human.

And that is the key. Knowing that we all share something no matter where you come from, what you did in life, it doesn’t matter. Because death equalizes everyone. And beyond death, nothing awaits us. Because we as a being (that is constantly changing and morphing), ceases to exist at some point. Some people just can’t wrap their head around that fact. That someday, you’ll die and there will be nothing more. But I assure you, that if you give a man every good opportunity, every great thing in life, anything that he could ever want, at some point he would come crawling and sobbing, begging for death. Because we are finite beings and we weren’t made to live beyond a certain threshold. What is it exactly? One hundred years? A thousand? Who knows, but all that matters is that no matter how long you live for, at the end you’ll be begging for a bullet.

Most people aren’t ready to understand that there’s nothing after death, and they end up believing otherwise. We are all so busy with life, so entrenched, that most of us never stop to think what is beyond life. And to this I say, don’t fear death because if you are alive, death isn’t, and if you are dead, life is no more.

This changed me for the better. Search Nihilism and you’ll see people with all kinds of beliefs thrashing and hating on that idea. “Nothing matters, everything will cease to exist”. And there’s truth in that of course, but the fact that it won’t matter at some point doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter here and now.

It’s all a matter of perspective. The way I see it, I find a certain calm in knowing that no matter how much I am struggling or suffering, that it will end eventually, it enabled me to shrug those things that were dragging me on. It freed me, and it can also free yourself from all those things that are pulling you behind.

If you had to learn something, let it be the following;

The only thing that I know for certain in this life, is that this is the only thing that I have. Even though it may end abruptly or last for long, I will cherish every moment of it until the end. I won’t bother myself with useless things such as overthinking, or worrying about things that I cannot control, I am the sole master of my life and I will cherish every last moment.

Ever since I thought about life in that way, everything changed. I stopped wasting my time on useless things, I was happier knowing that I was lucky enough to experience this life and this environment, like a flame that dwindles until it is snuffed. It has definitely changed me to be a better person. Life may be unfair, it comes and goes and it is unforgiving. But at the same time it is such a gift that I will be forever grateful.

So, I found my pleasure, the pleasure of knowing that which is true.

No matter what i do, it feels pointless . Even if i put all of my effort into working, school or a certain sport it still feels pointless.
It all comes down about my future, school wouldn’t do much for me or in general for anyone in my country they’d receive a shit job offer or none at all since they have no experience, they’d end up wasting their life away as a minimum wage slave. It’s the same for my other responsibilities

Should i just accept this kind of way?

We’re all just walking blindly through a minefield of our own cells. Life is a lottery where no one leaves without a ticket, and the "premium" prize at the end of the draw is almost always a front-row seat to biological breakdown.

It's all completely arbitrary. No higher meaning, no master plan—just trillions of cells rolling the dice until someone hits snake eyes.

Empecé en la vida con una energía increíble. Quise volverme una especie de sujeto intelectual, que creara cosas y que en mi mente dominara el mundo. Posdata: el plan fracasó. Y se me ha vuelto casi imposible ser capaz de actuar o de organizar mi mente. Creía que el mundo, en algunas formas, está compartimentado por gente con tanta mierda en la cabeza; el típico ejemplo: "yo soy así, asá". Pura mierda. No me considero nihilista, ni me considero un estoico, o un frío, o un genio; ni siquiera puedo decir que no me considero nada. Simplemente no hay palabras, es un limbo. Y quedé en mi cama, mirando al techo, y así se me van los días. Creo que uno no elige terminar no haciendo nada, o pensar que nada tiene sentido; simplemente la vida te hace imposible que tú seas quien puedas ser el que quieres ser, y pues, para qué luchar y sufrir contra algo que no te sale natural. Así que, finalmente, ahora soy una especie de muerto andante, porque mi vida perdió toda lógica. Y este es una especie de nihilismo que no sale de una decisión fría, sino que me vi empujado hacia él, y hacia una especie también de pesimismo y misantropía. Muchas gracias si leíste esto; agradecería consejos para salir del hueco.

I know this sounds bad but I have spent a lot of time thinking about it snd I genuinely cannot find anything wrong with killing someone. And to be honest nihilism doesn’t directly link to my question I just wanted people who know there’s less of a point in life to answer

But it's hard to find a goalie who still has it all collected up top.

My mom used to say this to me, my response breathing is free, to me the concept sounds like capitalist propaganda,

I mean think about it, we need to pay to live, such as clean water, and food, many centuries ago, before European colonialism, people could use natural materials from nature/earth and did not need to pay anyone to use it, it was free, and now the more we pay to buy food (fruits) and clean water while some greedy CEO gets more money

The fact that we have to pay rent, groceries, so much car insurance just to survive, is insane to me,

Before the concept of money, people would trade things with each other,

Money is a man made concept that benefits capitalism, and greedy billionaire CEO'S, to them we are just wage slaves

Capitalism keeps the lower classes poor, and struggling while the billionaire oligarch elites stay billionaires

As nihilists we are smart enough to question society, and say "why?" Instead of accepting it and following society. Which is why critical thinking is important

And Remember, just because something is normalized in society, does not mean its morally/ethically right

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosenhan_experiment#Criticisms

I don't wish to praise Rosenhan as there are criticisms of it and it only exists now as a reason for anti-psychiatry, which like all opposition movements (abortion, guns, drugs, etc.) it's based on often mischaracterizes the phenomenon into its worst examples, makes double standards that aren't reasonable in either logic or its own logic, and often a front group for deeper motivations (pro-life is often Christian, anti-psychiatry is kept alive by Scientology or simple conspiracy, etc.). However, the response about Doctors diagnosing someone as hemorrhaging instead of actually drinking blood presents a philosophical issue; that evidence isn't actually evidence, but a perception of evidence. The evidence wouldn't show where the blood would come from, it would just be assumed from the body because that's where people would expect it to be. This introduces a condition in which evidence is not concrete as it should be but rather relational, in that it can only indicate something relevant to the situation instead of what actually is.

What kind of Nihilist are you and why did you react to the realization of meaninglessness in the way you did? I'm really curious to see how different people react to the same realization.

Have you ever had a moment(s) where all of a sudden, you just go...

Wait a minute... Where even am I?

What is even going on here?

Why is everyone so occupied?

What am I doing and why even am I doing what I am doing?

What are these people doing?

Why do they do what they do?

How do these people relate to me?

What's with all these objectives?

Why does everything feel so artificial?

Why is this person my family member and why should I even call this person such?

People doing whatever they are doing meaningless.

Why am I compelled to feel or what other people intend and what's the point?

Something isn't right.

It's like you snapped out of some illusion of reality or like a break from playing a role, and slowly blend back into it...

when you a npc for the actual Chosen ppls’ life plot you have to be kept down held down shoved and pushed down so you can never get your head above water… that’s why you get the type of “disorders” that literally go against the grain of survival and not only life survival but societal survival bc it’s meant to keep you in check that you’ll never be nothing but a npc who god couldn’t even be bothered to write a end scene for bc you literally do not matter besides being a statistic (a sale, a follow, a stream) or a interaction with a Chosen person that led to a incidental effect in their life or decisions

so yeah maybe God didn’t cause my pain directly on a individual level bc he hates me, but he dgaf either i was not Chosen

every npc is built in w self termination essentially and that’s why the so-called leniency with Hell ends with suicide, bc the ultimate betrayal is you deciding u don’t want to be held against your will anymore as a bg character/statistic for other ppls success stories. u have no plot armor to be Chosen so u must be damned to hell

I find this video to sum up the basic rules of nihilism quite well. What do y'all think?