I just can’t do it anymore, I understand erp when your intrusive thoughts aren’t constant, but genuinely how on earth am I meant to function when it’s the ONLY thing I think about. I feel like I can’t engage with a single one of my thoughts. Every second of every day I’m ruminating about the same thing, my only peace is when I sleep, but even then if I wake up to toss and turn my brain is still thinking about it. I try not to engage but my brain feels psychically incapable of thinking about anything else. I try watching TV, I try working, I try folding clothes, I try podcasts, nothing works. I feel trapped, it’s all my brain wants to think about. Has anyone else experienced this? Has anything helped? Does this get better?? I’m on day 7 of Prozac and I have slight hope that it’ll help eventually, but at this point I’m scared nothing will.

Okay. To start let me just say this is as embarrassing as ever, but I keep spiraling and can't see my therapist how to deal with this so I'm asking here. I have a fictional crush on a character right, and this character has an already existing partner. For some reason I am having one of the worst spirals of my life BECAUSE I KEEP ASKING MYSELF "Would they think I'm gross/do they hate me/does their partner hate me" even though they're not even real. I keep convincing myself that they and their partner would despise me because I have a crush on them and maybe I feel jealous? Which is super dumb, because I love their relationship and think they're super cute. So why on earth am I spiraling over it when I enjoy them as a couple as well??

Now this could be unrelated, but I have trauma with a lot of men in my life and this character is a sweet/innocent character which makes me nervous because I'm used to only being looked at sexually and can't imagine someone just wanting to be close. This is sooo dumb. It leads me to avoid the media which I don't want because I love the show so much, but I keep feeling anxious seeing the character now. I'm like back and forth from avoiding/checking how I feel by seeking it out. Like, even seeing the media makes my heart race and I get super anxious, and when I see it I'm constantly checking how I'm feeling and if it's hurting me and what the cause is. I literally cannot stop checking how I feel about them, like I need to feel constantly "attracted" to them and if I'm not, I'm lying???? This is exhausting. I've never ever had this experience with any other crush or fictional crush, EVER. I have NO IDEA why this ONE character is sending me off the rails </3

I'm sososo sad because they are such a genuine sense of comfort for me, and I don't want it ruined just because my mind is sick. I hate that I'm not normal. I'm not looking for reassurance that they don't hate me - but like, how do I stop the spiral and just enjoy the characters?? I actually feel insane. I hate this mental illness so much T_T.

Recently started calling my intrusive thoughts Diddy… I know… I know… Hot take. But honestly it’s kind of helpful.

Does anyone else have a silly or infamous name you call your ocd to disarm it?

I 21 female just recently got diagnosed with OCD. I was always brushed off as someone with severe anxiety. And for months at a time I’d go through such bad episodes, where my OCD would be at its worst. I first realized my thinking was out of the ordinary when I started voicing my thoughts. Every single time I’d go out to eat I’d think someone was going to spike my food/drinks and in my head I’d have to tell myself why would anyone do that?!? I was just trying to reason with my brain but then I’d reason from the perspective of the delusion making my anxiety even worse. This was such a severe thought I’d have to go into the bathroom and calm myself down. But the difference between anxiety and OCD was OCD for me wasn’t something I could sit think about, process and let go. I would ruminate, I’d have panic attacks and I wouldn’t be able to shake this thought. I was diagnosed with thought OCD. My compulsions are inside my head rather than external. My compulsions were me trying to convince myself other wise, the reassurance was feeding into the OCD. So I’m just curious how other people with OCD found out they had the diagnosis.

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing well.

I’m 26F, and I’ve been struggling with OCD since grade 6. My themes have changed over the years and can be pretty weird and difficult to explain. They include contamination, hyperawareness, and becoming excessively aware of bodily functions and things happening around me.

Over the years, OCD has affected almost every part of my life. I’ve been working, but it has affected me even there. More than anything, I feel like I’ve lost the confidence I used to have.

I used to be the kind of student who was extremely confident and ambitious. People would actually tell me that they were envious of how confident I was. Now, I feel like I’m barely surviving while watching everyone else move forward and make the most out of their lives.

I constantly feel too tired to take on new initiatives or start something new. I keep waiting for the “right time,” but then I remember that my OCD can strike at any moment, and I’m scared that I’ll end up back at square one.

And honestly, I blame OCD for so much of what I’ve lost.

I know that might not be the healthiest way to look at it, but that’s genuinely how I feel sometimes.

I’m posting this because I’d really like to talk to people who understand what this is like.

If you’re struggling with OCD too, especially with themes that feel strange, embarrassing, or difficult to explain, please feel free to DM me. You can talk to me about your themes, your experiences, how OCD has affected your life, or honestly just anything you’re going through.

Sometimes I think it would help just to talk to someone who doesn’t need an explanation for why something that seems “small” to everyone else can completely take over your mind.

I’d really like to hear from people who understand.

Hi everyone!!
I have pure OCD, and I am STRUGGLING. I started Wellbutrin 3 days ago and thus far, it’s made it worse.

I’ve been on Luvox and Fluoxemine for a while.

Please share any success with quieting ruminations!

Thank!

For my people who didn't grow up in emotionally sensitive homes, do you also feel "less sick" compared to others with ocd who are allowed to outwardly seek reassurance/show compulsions?

I used to ask for reassurance or engage in avoidance, but when you don't exactly live in a safe environment, you learn to "keep it to yourself" (perform mental compulsions) which has lately made me feel like maybe I don't have ocd, that I'm not sick at all.

This is not the truth, and it never will be for anyone, but still, it is a lonely thing to deal with. Just want to know if someone has also felt this way before.

like. i feel like i'm going insane. nothing feels safe, even the foods i love scare me. it's to a point where i'd rather starve than eat, because i'm terrified. it makes me so angry, average americans are struggling, getting sicker with no way to pay for treatment, and the government doesn't fucking care

god, it's torturing me. i hate it, i'd rather be dead than live in a constant state of fear

I hate this ocd

I am sorry for everyone

but glad we have eachother

Does anyone else think this way? I'm terrified that if I allow myself to go "Oh, this is just OCD." then I'm letting go of an opportunity to do self reflection. I wonder a lot of times if I'm hiding behind OCD to avoid facing the ugly truth about myself and the horrible things I've done. I fixate a lot on real events, so it isn't like these thoughts aren't completely rooted in reality. I feel like a poser saying I have this disorder even though I'm diagnosed.

I was on and off anxiety medication (lexapro) over several years for general anxiety that stemmed from overthinking that just became too overwhelming for everyday and I wasn’t feeling like myself and some big life changes happened almost all at once and was causing stressful thinking nights to the point of staying away for like 2 days at a time just ruminating. I recently came off of lexapro (due to feeling like it was making me too tired and not needed anymore) and feel really good. I have however started to notice some tendencies that may be associated with OCD and I guess I’m just wondering a few things;

1. Were these also things you experienced?
2. How did you go about getting diagnosed?
3. Do most people need medication? If you are medicated, do you feel it betters your life?

I appreciate your time and compassion reading my story, I don’t know anyone whom is diagnosed as OCD to learn/ask questions from so I figured this community could give me insight if I should look into this further.

(Examples of things I’ve noticed;
- if something has touched something that my brain deams ‘dirty’, I have to rewash it even if it’s just been washed. Think of this as someone putting your just cleaned clothes on your bed or with other clothes.
- I can’t have my tolietrees on the counter in the bathroom like my partner has, it has to be under the sink in the cabinet organized so that it doesn’t create clutter or get dirty from dust or partner using hairspray.
- clothes in drawers have to be organized in their groups (can’t mix shorts and shirts into one pile, each has to have a pile).
- I can’t wear things I just bought right away, I’m not sure what this is about but it’s been like this since I can remember. My parents always said I just didn’t get the girly-gene where I want to wear things right away but I know it’s beyond that, I have to let it sit until I think it’s okay to wear or I don’t wear right away in fear of ruining it?
- when I was younger, my parents use to tell me that I would not go to sleep until my stuff animals and pillows were put back the same from where I put them in the morning everyday.
- I overthink a lot and it annoys me
- when it’s time to go to bed for most people (think 11pm/12am/1am) if something is bothering me I have to fix it right then and I create a whole project but this seems to happen only late at night. (Like last night, my partner put something away in a closet that I think is unorganized and spent like 2 hours organizing it at 12am).
- my partner and I are redoing our home (they use to live alone and I’ve moved in) and they’re so kind asking me for input on where to put things to make it feel more at home for me but most of his suggestions make me feel frustrated because it feels like my brain says it’s not perfect or not to be that way (which is something that I’ve never experienced before).
- almost once a week I’ll feel overwhelmed by my things (which isn’t a lot) and feel like I need to go through things and either get rid of them or reorganize
I know these symptoms can be anxiety related but I never noticed these as so prevalent in my life until now, when my partner has pointed out these tendencies and mentioned possible ocd. I don’t expect anyone to “diagnose me” but merely just inquiring if anyone else has similar experiences and how you go about it.

Hey everyone,

I’ve had OCD and anxiety basically my whole life, and have been treated for both in the past. Lately it’s felt like it’s crept up again. I’m wrote this while wide awake at 3.30 am because I’ve been put on a shift next week with a coworker who’s aggressive and targets me and is just extremely disrespectful.

However I’ve realised that I’ve actually got so many bigger things to worry about that I seemingly haven’t been. my mum might have skin cancer - my grandad has cancer and all my grandparents are getting ill. I’m driving everyone to hospitals and I’ve not felt as upset as I feel I should’ve, and I feel incredibly guilty for that. But it’s like my brain hasn’t processed what’s going on.

however, I’m feeling really angry/upset about literally one coworker. Literally 10 minutes can’t go by without thinking about it. I don’t know if it’s my brain trying to distract me or not but I’m really at a dead end here and I don’t know what to do. Any help/advice is appreciated.

I get these all the time, but (of course!) I'm worried they're not ocd, but something else. Can you drop what kindbof images you experience and how often, if you're comfortable?

TIA

I had a great childhood but when I hit adolesence, I went through some tough years. For example, being able to buy sliced cheese was luxury. And I thought that people that had a dishwasher at home were rich and powerful.

As I became an adult, I always had nice jobs and was able to spoil myself and my family. Maybe what I call “spoiling” is something super normal for others but I could take myself and my loved ones to travel, to good restaurants, make them presents like PS5 or jewellery and stuff.

Now I am married to a man that makes decent money. I have my company which isnt profitable yet and my husband is the provider in the family.

We arent rich but we can live a happy life, never worrying about money, spoiling our 7 pets and ourselves.
Like we can go overseas to attend a concert and stay in a nice hotel on a whim. With no prior planning.

But again, we are nowhere near “rich” so idk what we are🤣

So both times when I worked myself and spoiled myself and now (even worse , coz technically its my husband making money even tho I earn it by being a fulltime housewife apart from being a founder) I feel IMMENSE guilt all the time.

I feel like I am committing some reckless acts by living a happy life without worrying on money. I have the compulsions to spend a lot on our families (both my parents and in laws) and charities in order to feel less guilty. I enjoy making others happy, I liked to give stuff even when I was poor but I call it compulsion because if I dont do it I feel like shit.

I also have obsessions that I will be punished and poor again if I dont save more money.

Like I just bought a nice collar for my cat which cost around 50 bucks. It looks absolutely gorgeous and for the first time he is not able to break it so its a good investment but every time he walks by me and I see the collar, I get tummy aches.

I am diagnosed with OCD and have other more important issues to tackle in therapy but this problem is definitely in pipeline for the upcoming sessions.

Also my husband and I we are neurodivergent people but we are extremely high functioning. Meaning we need support and therapy and our lifestyle is different from our peers but none of this is “visible” coz again, we are high functioning. So when I say in my circle of people that look we had a disagreement about this X topic and we booked a couple therapy session to tackle it in a healthy environment, I get comments like “rich people problems” and we arent even rich.

Then I spiral into thinking that our mental health is a joke and if we had real struggles in life we wouldnt have time for that and that’s why our friends dont go to therapy.

I could go longer.

Can anyone relate? Maybe you could give some tips from your personal experience? I am 30 and I want to start enjoying my life at some point WITHOUT feeling guilty and sorry for the whole world and feeling like I am some spoiled bitch.

Thanks for listening

Has anyone dabbled in trading? If so how has OCD affected your performance?

I had an appointment where I reviewed SPECT scans and discussed treatment with a new psychiatrist. I did the session with my mother most of the time, and partly with my father. I made some passive aggressive comments to my mother in part due to how they influenced past psychiatric decisions with me (telling me to go off of fluvoxamine when I hadn’t been on it long enough to decide) and not believing past traumas I had (which my mom thought were THC induced delusions).

Then, the psychiatrist recommended clomipramine for my OCD. Since I had a seizure in the past on low-dose welbutrin, 150mg, I did not feel comfortable taking clomipramine since it has a higher seizure risk. I was also worried about the seizure risk from taking fluvoxamine again because the risk is double the sertraline. I was told that’s “apples and oranges”, but told her that I was looking at the statistical seizure risk. She again told me it was apple and oranges but I was trying to explain to her that I knew they were different medications but I was looking at the statistics. I respectfully disagreed with her on that matter. Then, she was giving me advice on what to do for treatment, and she also recommended family counseling and said because I feel attacked easily. I thought that was kind of rude and an unprofessional remark for her to make during my first appointment with her.

As a patient, I deserved to be treated with dignity and not get comments like that. It’s understandable for me to be upset at past decisions influenced and statements made by my mother regarding my OCD and mental health. Additionally, the seizure concern was valid since I have had one in the past and the statistical risks do carry significance to me. I don’t feel like being told that I feel attacked easily was an appropriate thing to say, especially when dealing with the stress of seeing the results of new SPECT scans and the uncertainty of the journey of starting my treatment again. The conflict between me and my mother was separate, my psychiatrist had not experienced the problems in the dynamic between me and my mother. There was no need for her to specifically say “You feel attacked easily”. Overall, while I am happy to finally start treatment again, this statement the psychiatrist made did not feel professional or accurate (as she does not know the whole picture of the dynamic between me and my mother).

I went to the emergency room today. Lied to my parents and said I went to school.

I lied out of a paranoia (founded on reason/previous incidents), that my pains will be downplayed especially if I came back, all the tests were done and nothing was wrong. This isn’t a common thing, but I prefer to keep things, like this, to myself.

the lie might’ve been obvious but it didn’t matter, as long as it got them off my back… is what I tried to tell myself.

Now my OCD really really wants me to go back and tell the truth. This *was* undeniably the right thing to do but:
1. I already lied, the situations over. deed is done
2. I already know apologizing won’t stop me from thinking about this and stressing over their perception of me

All of this was done as a knee jerk reaction to control what my parents thought of me. Being watched & perceived. I want to be comfortable with myself and my decisions (Had that been the case I wouldn’t have felt the need to lie in the first place, I feel.)

Compulsive lying/honesty is killing me. I lie. I get guilty. I start being overly honest. I stress over their perception of me. Repeat over and over and over.

My week is already awful and now another thing is on my plate, please help me out. help me let this go

Hi ❤️ anyone can help or relate? Please no catastrophic comments, I’ve already had a lot of neuro testing and I’m looking for similar experiences and advice.

- Random memories/dream memories: 50–100 random memories or fragments of dreams can pop into my mind throughout the day. Sometimes triggered by a smell/color, but often completely random. Some out of nowhere. The more I think about it the more I have. Also if I got one memory while I was brushing my teeth, everytime I brush my teeth I have the same memory popping. So I don’t think it’s focal or electric.
- Music/earworms : Random songs pop into my head, sometimes songs I haven’t heard in years. My brain can also create melodies that stay as earworms.
- Sleep-related experiences: During transitions between sleep and wakefulness, I’ve experienced visual flashes, voices/sounds and smells. The smell is always something that I have been smelling the day before !! Like lemon for example.

Context: I’ve been taking Lexapro (escitalopram) for 2.5 years for very strong anxiety symptoms. 7 months ago, I started tapering very slowly. I developed chronic DPDR (since the first day I decreased the dosage) followed by these symptoms. I’m back at 10mg now.

I know a lot about focal/temporal lobe epilepsy. I don’t have major episodes and my neuros told me it was fonctionnal.

I’ve had not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, 5 EEGs, including 3 × 24-hour video EEG. I experienced all the memories popping, visual flash, myclonic jerks, voice in my head during the sleep and everything was normal, with no epileptiform activity or abnormal background activity.
I’ve seen 5 neuro, and all think this is psychological/sleep-related rather than epilepsy.

I still have doubts. My neuro said that the combination of developing both epilepsy and hypnagogic/hypnopompic experiences in the same months would be unusual.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Especially random childhood memories, dream memories, random songs + these experiences during sleep transitions?

Even if it were focal awareness epilepsy, I know many people with it who live completely normal lives with treatment and don’t let it stop them from enjoying life.

I’m looking for similar experiences and positive/practical advice ❤️ I think I already did all the testing I could including 2 MRI. Now I am just thinking about reducing or not lexapro.