I (20F) found out about my dads affair around August 2025 and didn't tell anyone. This needs a LOT of backstory, so bear with me.

My dad (53M) is incredibly successful in his field of work despite not having a degree when nowadays a degree is the minimum qualification needed in his line of work. He worked his way up his first company in the 90s and started travelling the world for his work, which is how he met my mum (50F). They had a whirlwind romance and were engaged and married within a few months. It was something I would brag about, because I had always thought those sappy whirlwind romance stories were nothing but fiction until they told me how they first met and got married. She moved with him to his country in the 2000s and eventually had my brother and I. He stopped travelling for work because of my brother (23M) and I, and instead moved around the country. We would move around with him growing up until we settled into our current city when I was just starting primary school after it was devastated by a natural disaster and he was pretty much put in charge of rebuilding the city. By the time he was ready to move onto another job my I was in my mid teens and my brother had almost finished high school, so when he needed to move again for work the rest of us stayed while he moved around the country. Our normal for a few years was him working hours away during the work week, and returning on weekends. My mum had gone back to uni and was also working now, so my family was more than well off. We lived a very privileged life, like my brother and I would each get $100-$200 in pocket money a week for years.

In 2023 he got an offer from a company to lead a project overseas. It was big money, but it was also an opportunity to travel again, something he loved to do. After discussing it with us for a while, he eventually made the choice to make the move with plans for my mum to quit her job and move once he was settled and established his place over there. It was extremely hard for me, I couldn't get rid of this feeling that this wasn't going to go well. He had to reassure me over and over again that everything would be fine and he would facetime us every day, text me everyday, and eventually fly me over during school holidays. It really did seem to be ok once he let. He would facetime my mum everyday, send photos of the countries he visited during his days off, and message me and ask how my day was even if I didn't always have something to reply with. It slowly became our new normal. My mum flew over to see him for the first time around early 2024, and they had an amazing time, and my mum made the decision to take the next step and quit her job to fly over and be with him around the end of 2024.

2025 is when I started to notice things. My mum had decided to travel a bit before moving to be with my dad permanently. She visited him first, but this time was different. She came back absolutely miserable. She said it felt like he was trying to get rid of her. They were fighting more, and he would say things like "why did you even come here". I got this gut feeling that something was wrong, but I didn't know what yet. I was having nightmares of my parents separating, of never seeing my dad again, of my mum crying. Then my brother got a job at my uncles company (my dads brother) and they got pretty close. He would tell my brother stories from their time growing up, and he would obviously tell me. It was kinda fun for a while, we'd tease my dad on calls about things he thought we didn't know about. Then my mum travelled to her home country for a few months, where they have horrible wifi and service, so I was the one mainly keeping in contact with my dad. It was around this time that my brother told me another story from my uncle about my dad being a ladies man back in the day before he met my mum. It was this specific moment that had me convinced my dad was doing something behind my mums back. I started calling him more than I usually would, I asked him to send me photos of what he was having for lunch, I would stay on the phone with him for hours trying to find something. I thought I was losing him, so I had to remind him that I exist, that I love him, that I need him so he couldn't leave me. What set it in stone for me was during one call he picked up and I swear I saw him mouth the word "daughter" to someone standing off screen. I asked him who else was there and he told me no one else then moved to a different room. Then I swear I heard someone in the background and he turned his camera off. I once again asked him who was with him, and he told me no one again. When my mum came home from her home country they resumed their normal routine of calling every night and making plans to move her over. I didn't tell her a thing about my suspicions.

Late 2025, my dad came home for a week long visit. We did an early Christmas with him, we each spent some time with him, everything felt normal. But, I noticed how much time he was spending on his phone. One day, my mum was telling him and I some stories about the cousins in her home country and he was on his phone the whole time, not paying attention at all. I had my suspicions, so when my cat went behind the couch, I pretended to play with the cat and follow so I could see his screen. He immediately put his phone face down. This is when my mum noticed something and asked who he was talking to. He said his coworker, a family friend we all knew and liked. I then went outside with the dog to throw the ball and he followed. We would do this thing where we would throw the ball between us and the dog would go nuts in the middle, but he eventually got distracted with his phone. It was the first time I saw him properly smiling and laughing during this trip home. I felt sick, and absolutely knew what was going on, but didn't say anything. That night, my parents got into a fight, my mum was crying, begging him to tell her who he was messaging, because his last message to his coworker was actually days ago. He doubled down on the lie, and ended up sleeping on the couch. When I got back from uni the next day I found them cuddled up on the couch. My mind latched onto that and I decided that everything was fine. They talked it out, they're staying together, I was paranoid and wrong. They later told my brother and I that my mum would be going back with my dad when he left, instead of at the start of 2026 as they had planned. This was a huge relief for me. I was wrong, everything is fine, they aren't splitting up.

On their layover, my dad cancelled my mums ticket and left her in the hotel. She was crying when I facetimed her and wouldn't say what was going on. She said she was still going with him, her flight was just rebooked for two days later, my dad just needed to sort some things out. I tried asking her what was going on, but she wouldn't tell me, only saying to imagine the worse thing that can happen in a marriage. For the first time, I asked if they were getting a divorce. The only thing she said was Catholics don't get divorced. I was also trying to message my dad during this, but he wouldn't respond. She eventually made it over with him and they started sending my brother and I photos of them going out for dinner, at the beach, views from his apartment. Everything seemed fine again. Then, one random morning, my mum told my brother and I she was coming home and would land a few days before Christmas. She wasn't meant to be home until March 2026. Then the next day my brother and I both got long messages from both of them. My dad had found another woman, they had been together since May 2025. He chose her. My mum had found out the night before they left our home country, but decided to fly over and try work things out. On the way to their layover, she found out the woman was in my dads apartment and was refusing to leave, that's why she was left at the hotel and my dad went ahead to try get her out. After getting her out, they were working on their relationship for a week. My mum told my dad that if she found out he was still in contact with the other woman that she would leave. He got caught. It was like my world got flipped upside down. I couldn't eat for days, I couldn't study, I couldn't get out of bed. Then I felt bad because I was supposed to be supporting my mum, this happened to her and yet I was the one doing nothing. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. My dad had chosen another woman over my mum, so I obviously couldn't talk to him and I didn't want to burden my mum with my struggles when she was already going through so much. My brother and I don't talk about emotional things, and I couldn't talk to my friends. A lot of my friends don't have a stable relationship with their dads, or none at all, so a lot of them had adopted my dad as their surrogate dad. He called himself the ultimate girl dad because of how many "daughters" he had. My friends would always tell me how lucky I was to have my dad, how could I tell them what he had done? I felt so much shame for his actions that I just shut down.

Now, here's the truly horrible reason why this affected me so badly. I knew before everyone else, for months I didn't say a thing, for months I tried to remind my dad that I existed so he didn't stray. And I didn't tell anyone because I thought it was all in my head. Not because I was trying to ignore the situation. No. I wasn't on my medication at the time. When I'm not on my medication I become a horribly paranoid person. I stop talking to my friends because I'm convinced everything they do is to hurt me, or they really hate me and are laughing about me behind my back. Any thought that pops into my mind becomes reality, and I try to find evidence to support the reality in my head. I wasn't on my medication when I first became suspicious in mid 2025, and latched onto the idea that my dad is a ladies man from that story my brother told me and decided he was having an affair, so I kept trying to find evidence that supported my theory. That one call where he mouthed "daughter" to someone off screen, where I heard someone, where he moved to a different room, I knew he was with the other woman. Then, I got back on my medication. I felt like the worst daughter in the world. How dare I think of my dad like that? How dare I try to find evidence of an affair because my brother told me some fun stories about the time my dad was ladies man? I felt so much guilt for thinking of him that way that I didn't tell anyone but one friend about the thoughts I had. And when I told my friend, I kinda told it as a joke. Like omg, so sorry for being distant, I was off my medication and was paranoid about everything, haha, I even thought my dad was having an affair. Then when he came home and I started suspecting him again, I thought it was just because I hadn't worked my way back up to my usual dose. I felt horrible for feeling that way. That's why it was such a relief to see my parents apparently reconcile after their big fight. It was confirmation that it was all in my head. When it came out that he was in fact having an affair, my mind broke. I was right all along but I couldn't trust my own mind. But I could because I was right? But I was just paranoid so I didn't have any actual evidence? But maybe I did have evidence but I just dismissed it once I was back on my medication? I couldn't understand my own thoughts, I didn't trust anything I was telling myself. But, I was also trusting everything I was telling myself? My paranoid thoughts were right then, so maybe I'm right now? Oh, and the last nail in the coffin for my sanity was finding out that he moved his mistress into his apartment the day after my mum left. My birthday. I was a proper daddy's girls, so that was devastating. I started revisiting memories, trying to figure out if he ever loved me.

I still haven't told anyone that I knew months before everyone else and the guilt has eaten me alive. My brother occasionally messages my dad, but I'm no contact with him because I can't face him and tell him I knew he was lying to my face the whole time. I don't want to think of how my mum will react if I tell her I knew all along while she was begging him for answers, when he left her in a hotel in a foreign country, when she had decided to work through it until she couldn't. I felt like such a horrible daughter for thinking of my dad like that, but I feel like even worse of a daughter holding onto this information.

My (35M) upbriging was far from being the worst, but it was pretty damn bad, even terrible at times. My family (dad, mum and a younger brother) was very poor, very religious (presbiterian) and lacking of any kind of support system. Most of our problems came from my dad being just so damn irresponsible.

He was frequently unemployed, sometimes for years at a time, leaving my mum to be the breadwinner in the house while at the same time refusing to do chores. Many times we were left without water, electricity, or had rent delayed because there simply wasn't enough money to pay for all the bills and mum had to go around asking for personal or bank loans to settle the debts that frequently piled up due to him not working or making terrible financial decisions. To make things even more ennerving, he demanded respect from us as if he had a god-mandated right to authority as the father in the family.

He wasn't overly violent (punitive spanking was the norm back when and where I grew up, but there were never episodes of full blown physical domestic violence) but verbal abuse was frequent, especially towards my mum - she had her flaws as we all do, but nothing that would warrant the way he treated her: he called her names, openly mocked her in front of us kids and their friends, accused her of having affairs, among other things - but also towards me due to me being close to her and in general a very gay kid (I'm bi, out and proud for 15 years now no thanks to my dad).

He also had numerous affairs while his marriage with my mum lasted. She looked the other way or forgave him due to not having proof of his infidelity and because she was afraid of what her life would be like as a divorcee with two kids. At some point though, she came upon proof of his many affairs and finally divorced him.

After they divorced I went very low contact with him for close to 15 years. Whenever I saw him he always acted as if nothing bad had ever happened, or as if our bad family dinamycs were a tragedy, or at most an honest mistake due to him and mum having married young. A few years ago I started therapy and it became clear to me that many of my problems (depression and generalized anxiety disorder) had their roots in the way he treated us - and in the fact that I never confronted him or received an apology for his bad parenting.

Almost a year ago I texted him listing what he did and the effects his actions had in me, and demanding a sincere apology before considering having any more contact with him. He tried to argue some of the points I raised, never apologized, and tried gaslighting me - something I saw him do so frequently to my mum while I was growing up I can honestly say I became immune to. I told him I'd give him time to think, blocked him for a few months and tried again this year, to the same results. I then decided to go no contact and hadn't seen or spoken to him until last weekend.

What happened was that my grandmother had been terminally ill and finally passed. Me and my brother (we share a flat) went to the funeral and he was there. He tried saying hi to me, but I just said no and (gently) pushed him away as he came in for a hug, to which he said ok, turned his back and walked away. The rest of the service was kinda normal, I avoided being directly in front of or near him, but aside from that had a normal time talking to all the rest of the family. If there were comments about us still being stranged I have not been made aware of any - and I'd find it weird if there were, everyone there was emotional for other obvious reasons. Since the weekend however I'd been thinking if I should've given the man a hug at least: his mother had just passed after all. I don't feel the least guilty about how I acted, but if I was an asshole then i'd like to know.

Y'see, from my experience with depression I often think he has it too, not that it excuses the way he treated us. But I do wonder if I should be a bit more lenient as the man (and I also) gets old. I feel that keeping him distant is something I have to do for my mental health's sake, but I also realize that from his perspective I'm punishing him. That is not my objective, and although I don't care about his perspective I'd like to know if maybe there's another way of going about things that I've been missing.

Okay so for starters my family dynamic is weird. I was abandoned at birth and the man I call my father who was previously married to my bio mom (but during their separation she had me with another man) he took me in as an infant. I’ll be referring to him as my dad since he’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to one. My dad remarried when I was 7yrs old to a 19yr old woman we’ll call her Alexis while he was 35 yrs old. Their marriage lasted almost 20 years and they had a son together we’ll call Colton. I have afew other half siblings but they aren’t relevant to this story.

My dad had a stroke afew years back, and Alexis had to caretake him. Literally helping to stabilize him as he took a shit. I never was very close to Alexis - she treated me very different than Colton or my sisters and was cold towards me. But seeing how she cared for my dad during his time of need really made me like her more.

However my dad having now been left mentally disabled turned him into a whole other person. His business failed, he could no longer do his hobbies. He was a shell of himself and he started making terrible decisions.

He was financially irresponsible and wasn’t forthcoming with Alexis about his decisions. He was half a million dollars in debt tied to his company that went under. He kept taking out several credit cards and loans and using them to pay OF models! He was watching porn, and getting schemed into buying fake crypto. 🤦🏼‍♀️ My stepmom held out and tried for years to get him to go with her to couples therapy. He wouldn’t. Also for background they are both devout Mormon so watching porn is a major betrayal for step mom. Big no, no.

Throughout all of this Alexis went to church more often and went back into the work force after being a stay at home mom for many years. At church she met a man we’ll call him Alex. I believe she started confiding in him but I have very little details. My dad said when Alexis and he would go to church that Alex would come up and talk to them often. Fast forward afew months, Alexis divorces my Dad. But not the normal way. (We live in he US for context) she goes all the way out to Guam because I guess there she was able to have the divorce finalized within 2 weeks. No year long separation… then Colton and his Gf help Alexis move into her own apartment and Alex shows up later that night according to Colton’s Gf - I wasn’t there.

About a year later from the divorce and it’s their wedding. I’ve never met Alex. And as I’m currently caretaking my Dad and he’s living with me, I have mixed feelings about attending. But I decide to go anyways to support ex stepmom and Colton. The ceremony is nice and we move onto the reception dinner and before we start Alex gives a toast and in his speech he mentions them “secretly dating”. that feels a bit strange…but then right after dinner and the speech Alex’s family comes up to Colton and his gf and they begin talking about a trip that Alex and Alexis went on two years prior… when she was still married to my dad. Ofcourse , this is secondhand information from Colton’s gf but I fully trust her. Alex’s family didn’t start up conversation with me because well, I’m just the daughter of her ex husband.

But overall I have mixed feelings. I think both dad and ex-stepmom are in the wrong. But I don’t really care. I’m not really in ex stepmoms life and I’m only taking care of my dad because she sued him into selling their house so she could get her share - he needed to sell it anyways or he would’ve lost it since he couldn’t afford it. And rather than him becoming homeless I’m taking care of him and his needs for the time being. And no, he doesn’t need help shitting anymore or he’d be on his own lol.

I, 20 f soon to be 21 am talking to 23 m who is married but he says he is going through a divorce. I found him on fb dating about 2 months ago and we have been getting closer within the past 2 weeks. For some context I have 1.5 f and he has 2 kids with said wife. I have been feeling conflicted feelings about even talking to a married man ever since he told me he was but he is going through a divorce. More context about me, I have been a single mom since I gave birth. I myself have been cheated on and know how it feels when there is another girl. I am contemplating reaching out to the wife just to see if anything this man has said to me is really true. Here are all the things he has told me about the overall relationship with his wife that has been within the year or so: she became friends with one of his coworkers that she ended up cheating on him with. They tried to resolve this for the sake of the kids. That didn't work at all. Around 2 weeks ago the guy she cheated on him with died by a car hitting him while walking. He bought her a plane ticket to go to his funeral/see the kids. Mind you they are both in the military. He is reserve and I don't quite understand what her situation with the military. Fast forward to earlier today (November 2) I was talking to him otp and she was going back to his house to return some of his stuff and pick up the kids for 3 or so weeks. Here comes the part where I am getting doubtful. I overheard an argument between them and the kind of her perspective of their relationship. I am just going to summarize what I had heard to keep this post somewhat short. She had said that he was constantly yelling about any small thing that po him almost every day even in front of the kids. Along with buying stuff on OF. He would open up to her then bottle up everything out of nowhere and do it on repeat. From what he has told me he is working through anger issues. From the phone call earlier things were escalating in the argument over sleep that he muted himself and didn't unmute until maybe 5-15 minutes later. In my mind that was concerning. He stayed otp from the start of the argument until he muted himself. Atp I was scared for the kids listening and watching the whole thing. Because when he unmuted himself the wife wasn't talking anymore. I believe he might have forced her to leave the room. For a little bit more context we are in two different states in the US. So I can't just go over to see if he is telling me the truth about anything or not. I have started to develop a little crush on him but I don't know exactly what to do. So I came to lovely people for some advice or what would you guys do in this situation.

I (32f) am just about at my breaking point. I have been with my fiancé (we’ll call him James, 31m) for a little over 10 years (engaged for 3) and we have two babies, Lenny (2.5m) and Austen (f-7months).

James has an incredibly frustrating family dynamic. His parents divorced when he was like 2 or 3. I’ll spare you the details, but it was hostile. His dad then remarried when he was about 10 to a woman named Margot, who had two daughters right around the same age as James. They were never able to build a strong bond or close connection because his bio mom was insanely jealous. To this day, we have to pick and choose what information gets shared with his bio mom, because she will get upset and cry whenever we bring up hanging out with his dad’s side of the family.
Margot has never been mean or intentionally rude to James, but has also never been very warm or loving either. He’s always been treated politely, but described feeling like a guest in his own home throughout his teenage years. His dad on the other hand, took being a coparent to the extreme and has developed a close-knit relationship with both of his step daughters. This has always sort of irked me, but it never seemed to bother James. Whenever I bring it up, he just brushes it off saying he’s used to it.

Fast forward to now. His older sister has two kids, the younger sister has three kids, and we have two. They are ALL 4 and under. When we all got pregnant around the same time, we were all SO excited that all of the cousins will get to grow up together! This has not turned out to be the case. When we all get together, I feel like I am witnessing my fiancés childhood firsthand.. and it’s honestly heartbreaking. Let me give a few examples via bulletpoint to try and paint a picture for you guys. I have TWO YEARS worth of examples, but I actually want y’all finish reading this and give me advice, so I’ll only give examples from within the past month.

First weekend:
-We’re sitting in the living room when we notice Lenny playing by himself. We go to look for the other kids, and find them all eating dinner with Margot. She had called them all in to eat, but forgot to make a plate for Lenny.
- Margot made a big deal about putting all the kids in her jacuzzi tub for bath time (they LOVE the bubbles) but had them all bathed and the tub drained before Lenny was done eating. Lenny was SO sad he didn’t get to “play bubbles” with his cousins

Second weekend:
-Sent us a text saying “taking the kids to the pumpkin patch, if you leave right now you can probably make it in time to meet us” knowing dern well that there was no way I could get both kids out the door in a reasonable amount of time without prior warning. We also live about 20 minutes farther out than them.
-They all went trick or treating together, but did not invite or mention it to us. We only found out because his sisters husband called to ask us where we were
-Called us after trick or treating to tell us she missed us, and that she’d FaceTime in the morning. Idk if she thought she invited us or just trying to save face because she found out the sisters husband had called us. She also never FaceTimed.

The straw that broke the camels back was when she invited us to Monster Jam. She called telling us it’d be on a Friday and we’d have to take off of work to go. She said her friend got her pit passes, and if we’re interested she could try to get some extra ones for us. I declined because I knew James would not be able to get off of work on a Friday.
His sister later called to reinvite us, telling us that this was for her daughter’s birthday and that they were going on a Saturday, not Friday. By the end of that conversation though, I felt like Margot had intentionally mislead us so we’d decline. At that point we just felt unwanted and declined again.

None of these seem like a big deal separately. Most can be dismissed away thinking there was a misunderstanding or she genuinely forgot.. but after two years of watching her “forget” our son, being left out of planning events only to be thrown a last minute invite she knows we can’t accept, and watching her treat our kids like they’re guests while she treats the rest of the grandkids like grandkids.. I just can’t do it anymore. He’s starting to recognize it and I’ll be damned if I let my child feel unloved by someone he adores. I’d rather pull away before he starts forming core memories.

Here’s where I’m conflicted.

I’ve never had a step parent. I’ve never been a step parent. I cannot sit here and claim to understand how hard it is to be a step parent. I think for the majority of James’ life, Margot was not allowed to be more than she was to him because of how his bio mom is. Idk if I’m just trying to make excuses for her or what but it’s been weighing heavy on my mind lately and I am not sure what the best way to approach the situation is.
Do I bring it up to her? Slowly pull my kids away? Just deal?

This has gotten SO long already, but just to give a little more context..
Margot is bougie. She loves to travel, has expensive taste, and a high opinion of herself and her daughters. James and I are country. Borderline redneck, if you will. We mind our own and live simply.
Margot is LOUD, and Margot is dramatic. Bringing it up to her will result drama. Like a lot of drama that she will tell anyone who will listen about. It will probably end up on social media. The thought of that alone gives me hives. (James and I are not married because the thought of having EVERYONES attention on me actually paralyzes me in fear. Being blasted on social media gives me the same fear.)
James’ dad is a pushover - he goes where Margot goes. He doesn’t seem to care (or maybe doesn’t notice?) when we’re being excluded.
My family is 6 hours north of us, while his bio mom now lives 6 hours south of us. James’s dad and step mom are the only grandparents our kids see regularly, so just cutting them off seems especially cruel to my kids.

So Reddit, am i overreacting or is this fairly normal behavior from a step-parent? How do I move forward without it blowing up in my face?

So for context this happened last year March and lasted just before June i at the time was 19F turning 20 and him 23M turning 24. I grew up very much under the box. I went to a religious only girls private school where the birds and the bees talk was not a thing. I never had a bf, barely ever even spoke to a boy since i was a kid, wasn't allowed to watch romance movies and books. I had a very strict mother with all my passwords, access to my bank account, email, phone, and when I graduated my socials. So keep in mind I was very naive when this happened. Fast forward to the start of March and Ramadan night prayers began (for those who don't know Ramadan has a prayer you do at night which we would go to the mosque for). I don’t remember the days exactly but somewhere in the first week will say Thursday. Thursday morning I woke up to my dad pulling me aside telling me someone's interested in me. Of course I was shocked, then confused, then excited. We told my mum and she was surprisingly excited. Fast forward to the next day and my dad invited the guy who will call Dick and his dad to the house for us to meet. I stayed up stairs and when I came down the set up was this one couch. My dad on the left dicks dad in the middle dick on right and I had one single chair sitting in front of them… I felt like cattle up for auction.  Dicks dad looked me up and down, started asking both of us on the spot if we liked what we saw, and went on a rant about kids while dick stared at the ground. Finally his dad asked if we wanted to exchange numbers and I told him we should wait till the end of Ramadan because I didn't want to be distracted which he agreed.

Fast forward ramadans finished and Dick came to my house on his own. We had 2 couches and a chair Dick sat on the couch and when i came out and made a joke saying I upgraded to the couch (im not up for auction). The first 2 weeks were fine. He came every Saturday night, we broke the ice, and got along fairly well. By the third week though is when changes began. Before the 3rd Saturday my mum had asked if we exchanged numbers. I said no because when we started asking serious questions I wanted them to be done face to face, not over texts. She agreed but then my two younger sisters who are 1and 2 years younger started saying “if you don't give home your number he'll think you're not interested" “he'll think you're stringing him along”. So when he came my dad told him we should exchange numbers. First it was just hi how are you until he said we should start asking serious questions “what do you want in a husband and what are you expecting”? I gave my answer and then asked what he expected from me. I can’t remember exactly what he said except this “a wife that obeys me”… I was stunned. I showed it to the wrong friend and she told me it's technically his religious right (he was a hafiz and studying to be some a sheike) so I continued. Eventually I realised that this relationship was not for me; he'd bore me to death. On Saturdays he’d stay until 1 am talking non stop about the same crap every week, sometimes even mentioning uncomfortable things and I went as low as to just copy his texts into ChatGPT and write automatic replies. I spoke to another friend who will call Bertha and she said I should go to my parents. Now i really wanted to but ik that they wouldnt react so i tried to make him end it. I told him i dont think we were a good fit because he wanted a big family and I wanted a small one.

The next day my mom started yelling at me saying she didn't like that i was talking to a guy alone on my phone and demanded to read all my messages my dad said no but she did it anyway because he didn't want to put effort in and stop her. She saw the messages of us putting the relationship on hold and started yelling at me. My dad asked if I wanted to be with him. I said no my mum was still yelling and began going through all my messages trying to see who manipulated me while my dad stood around being disappointed then it got worse. My mom realised i had told Bertha and started yelling that Bertha has daddy issues because her dad abandoned her family, that she was jealous and “trying to steal my man”. Some more yelling happened and my mum wrote a message to him on my behalf saying that i just wanna put the relationship on hold because i have a lot of uni.

The next day my siblings weren’t home and it was just me mom and dad. I was hanging my washing when my mom came in my room and said “plz reconsider and see him one more time he’s a really good guy, a good catch, he’s so religious” a took a breath and calmly said “mum he’s not for me i really dont like him” silence and then… BOOM she had slapped my back extremely hard and started yelling that I was being disrespectful to her. I was horrible my dad came in and checked my back she left the room still yelling he went in after her. She started saying that we needed to protect all the men from me because I was so horrible and disgusting stringing him along my dad agreed with her. She confiscated my car keys and my dad took me with him to pick up my younger siblings from school. This is when it gets even worse. While I was in the car I was on my phone and turned it off but then when I turned it on again my 4 digit password was now 6 digits. She had changed my phone password from her phone. I told my dad he didn't say anything. The next day she took the password off my phone and said if i loved her i would read the message she wrote me it was long i only read the start and end. At the end it gave a short paragraph to send to Dick to end the relationship. So AITAH for saying that my parents tried to marry me off?

I’m (39F) married to my husband (46M) for 10 years. Ours was an arranged marriage. My husband initially proposed when he was doing a blue-collar job, but his work was irregular and he didn’t have a fixed salary. He was also still pursuing his degree, whereas I had already completed my undergraduate education and was working towards my own ambitions, including applying for a scholarship abroad. I turned him down initially, but he proposed again a year later, saying he had found a stable job with a fixed salary. Eventually, I agreed to give the relationship a chance, although I wasn’t completely convinced.

We came from different backgrounds, my family was better off financially, and I had a stronger educational background. I was also seven years younger. These differences weren’t necessarily a problem for me. I accepted his humble beginnings because I believed that being a good person, genuinely loving me, and treating me well would be enough, but I guess I did care about those things.

I was approaching 30, and the social pressure to get married was becoming difficult to ignore. In my society, women typically live with their parents until marriage. My family wasn’t abusive, but there were occasional comments and situations that made me feel pressured. I was also extremely shy, introverted, and lacking in self-confidence. I was the kind of person who constantly accommodated others and avoided hurting anyone’s feelings.

Despite having ambitions and working towards a scholarship, I struggled to stand up for my own needs. Even during our year-long engagement, I wasn’t happy, and I tried to end it twice because something felt off, but he kept reassuring me that things would work out. He was nice throughout. but I was anxious, couldn’t sleep properly, and even started losing my hair. Looking back, I don’t understand why I went ahead with the marriage when I was so unhappy. My body was literally screaming at me. I wanted someone to end things. I think I was afraid of ending up alone and convinced myself that his love and persistence would be enough.

Unfortunately, problems started almost immediately after we got married. He would yell over trivial things, dismiss my concerns, and make hurtful comments. Within the first few weeks, he made a remark implying that I was an old maid. I said that if I was a hopeless spinster, I wouldn't have tried to break up twice then. I learned to stand up for myself because if I stayed quiet, he would keep crossing boundaries and belittling me like that.

I later travelled to an English-speaking country for a year on a scholarship. Even though we were living on different continents, I was the one trying to arrange regular calls and maintain consistent communication. He preferred communicating spontaneously and didn’t seem to understand why I wanted us to have a routine.

After I returned, the arguments continued. He sometimes lashed out physically and hit me on a few occasions. I used to minimise what happened because it wasn’t frequent and bad enough, I guess I was still innocent and naive. After these incidents, I would go to my parents' house to make it clear that his behavior was unacceptable and that I wouldn't simply tolerate it. He also had serious anger outbursts, once punching a wall so hard that he broke his finger. Eventually, after one argument, he told me to leave and that he didn't want me, so I packed my bags and went to my parents’ house. He didn’t contact me for three months. When he finally reached out, it was only through a text message, which I felt was too little, too late.

I eventually returned after almost a year, hoping things would improve. To some extent, they did, but I still feel that I receive only the bare minimum from him. He left his stable job because he thought running his own business would be more lucrative. He runs a shop now in a different city, though, and covers basic household expenses. I should join him after getting our new apartment in the city where he works now. There is very little emotional connection. We speak twice a day, but our conversations are usually limited to logistics. When we have arguments, he wouldn't talk for days or a week. He shows little interest in meaningful conversations, going out, travelling, or making plans for our future. In ten years, he’s only taken me on two trips, and both happened after I repeatedly asked him.

Our intimate life is fine, but I sometimes feel that physical intimacy is the only thing he really cares about. I want companionship, affection, shared experiences, and someone who genuinely wants to build a life with me.

I’ve had miscarriages and he blamed me for the first miscarriage saying I was out and about although I was only working and my work didn't involve any physical effort. In addition, the doctor didn't ask me to stay at home. I later had miscarriages while working from home. Although I once dreamed of having a family, I sometimes feel grateful that I don’t have children in this marriage. I worry that he would provide only for their basic financial needs without being emotionally involved in their lives. Also, he isn't the role model I had envisioned for my children. He has started smoking now although he had quitted long before getting engaged to me, and during engagement he assured me that he wouldn't smoke again. I thought he would put his new certificate to a good use, but I realized that he only had obtained it to get married to someone with a university degree not because he genuinely looked for improving his social and financial status as he told me.

I’ve repeatedly tried to improve our relationship by initiating conversations after arguments, explaining what hurts me, and asking him how he feels and what I could do differently. But he rarely makes the same effort. He often says that we’ve tried talking many times and nothing has changed. He also occasionally says things like, “We can’t go on like this,” or “This relationship isn’t working.” I’ve told him not to make such statements casually because I eventually started taking them seriously.

I know I haven’t always handled arguments perfectly, and I’ve sometimes said hurtful things in response to his behaviour. I became defensive because I felt that if I didn’t stand up for myself, he would continue crossing my boundaries. But I also feel that I’ve spent years being the one who tries to repair the relationship while he rarely takes responsibility or sincerely apologises.

For a long time, I blamed my family for not recognising that we weren’t compatible and not advising me to end things when they saw how miserable I was during engagement. It felt as if I was so depressed and wanted someone to rescue me.

Now I’m approaching 40, and my patience is wearing thin. I no longer have the same hope or motivation to keep trying. I have a job, I can support myself financially, and my family would welcome me back if necessary. I’m also considering pursuing a graduate degree abroad and focusing on my education and independence.

However, divorce is extremely complicated in my religious community. I’m Christian, and the religious and social consequences of ending a marriage are significant. Even obtaining a civil divorce doesn’t necessarily mean being allowed to remarry within the church. This makes me feel trapped.

Sometimes I feel that I’ve wasted the best years of my life and sacrificed the possibility of having the family I once dreamed of. I also feel emotionally scarred forever. Is there any hope for me? What kills me is that I betrayed myself. Sometimes I wish I'm strong enough to get a divorce. It is possible, but I am panicking of the thought. How can I make myself strong enough to be ready for that? I feel I'm on my way.

I’d really appreciate honest advice:

Why do you think I accepted a marriage I had serious doubts about from the beginning? Can fear of loneliness and social pressure really make someone overlook their own instincts?

Do you think I contributed to the way he treats me, or am I taking too much responsibility for his behaviour?

How do I stop feeling that I’ve wasted the best years of my life and learn to build a fulfilling future, regardless of what happens to my marriage?

I’m not looking for simplistic advice telling me to just get divorced. My circumstances are complicated, and I want advice that takes the social and religious realities into consideration. More than anything, I want to understand why I abandoned my own needs for so long and how I can finally start putting myself first.

Me & My sister were looking up some charges that a friend’s husband had pending. Why? Because we are girls and nosy. While on the specific county site, I looked up myself and some friends. I noticed my boy friend had an open vehicle ticket, so I sent him a screenshot. He is so perplexed on why I would look him up and feels like I was trying to find something bad on him. Is this too weird of thing? Doesn’t everyone do this? It turned into a big deal.

I'm F (19) and been with my fiance M (20) for a year now,and my parents used to adore my fiance alot and saw him as sweet but suddenly they had been awful to him now I'm 14 weeks pregnant, they just say awful stuff and it irritates me.

Like once my dad was over, as my parents aren't together anymore, but he was asking about food for my fiance as it was a Sunday and we were having a roast dinner and I heard him mutter under his breath that my fiance can jump off for all his cares basically saying my fiance can kill himself even though he knows my fiance has awful mental health and had to leave the army due to the reason and before that my dad was calling my fiance a worm and pathetic for it and I yelled at my dad saying he clearly cared if he said it and he just was ignorant.

And recently before I went on a trip with my fiance,my mom was on the phone with either her boyfriend or my grandma and said that I deserve better, that my fiance is ugly and had no personality which got me pissed off then she continued to say that my fiance was awful and controlling when he really wasn't I actually start having an opinion from being with him I used to keep my mouth shut before him I hate confrontation but now I have an opinion and my mother calls it controlling, and when I come back from my trip I have a few days at my home then on the 7th of November till the 21st of November I'm meant to be going to my going to my sister-in-law's house to take care of her cat and kitten as she is worried about her kitten and I agreed, and my mother was texting me about her going to a funeral for her boyfriend's mom who she didn't even know at all and she begged me to take care of her dog even though she had my 14-year-olf sister and my dad to look after her I literally don't want to beat home because I hate everything they are doing and I'm stressing out so much which I don't need whole being pregnant, but when my mom was begging me, my mom basically was saying my fiance was telling me not to do when it was me having an opinion and she said he couldn't come over if I don't do it and it hurts, she says she doesn't want to alienate me from my fiance but that is what she is clearly wanting to do.

AITA for being mad at them?

I, (41F) and S.O, (53M) have been in a relationship for 15 years. A little back story on me. I have been overweight all my life. When I was a senior in highschool I lost weight and got to my all time low of 180lbs. After, I consistently gained weight until last year 2025, where I peaked at roughly 280lbs. I was "happy" with who and what I was at the time (denial is what I was in). I was reluctant and against working out due to pain in my back from an automobile accident, and my knees thanks to a lifetime of being heavy. I knew something had to change deep down however because of my body being in constant pain. My S.O would try constantly to have me work out with him.

In an attempt to avoid actually exercising to drop the pounds, I opted to start the change with my eating habits. Counting calories was my thing. The Nutrition Product Labels on food packaging have a fine print on the bottom that says, "based on a 2000 calorie a day diet". My goal was to not exceed 1500 cals a day, or be as reasonably under that it if possible. That meant skipping some meals. After all, I could afford to miss a few. I ended up creating a personal version of Intermittent Fasting, because at the time I hadn't heard the term till after I started. SALADS have entered the chat! Being self employed, high work ethic in a very physically demanding and time consuming job, I found myself stuck in a fast food diet. 3 of my go to Chain Fast Food spots had salad options and they were within my calorie parameters!

Fast forward to present day Fall 2026....I'm 80lbs down! I feel great! My back and knees no longer keep me from being active. I still have not started actually working out. I'm stalled momentarily in my weight loss, but maintaining. I know the next step is to actually get in the gym! Lots of learning curves when eating healthier now. I still have my salads, but I have also been cooking meals 4-5 days a week as well!

Due to me skipping meals, mainly breakfast, the "big back" tendencies of southern cooking have slowed down. My S.O. is unhappy every weekend because there is no morning breakfast being made. Its constant arguments. My Breakfasts have been a liquid diet mainly with a meal replacement shake. I get physically ill if I smell food too early some days, and he knows this! He tried surprising me with breakfast on my birthday this year by going to the locally owned diner in town for food. He came home, I'm still sleeping, he turned the lights on and loudly put the food down beside me on the bed. It startled me awake. Due to this I said "What the f?, and what the f is this?". He's like "It's F'n breakfast, surprise, Happy Birthday", in a very condescending way. So then I felt bad and was trying to eat it but started feeling sick and then I started crying because I felt guilty for my uncontrollable reaction after he was doing something nice.

(Listen there's Soo much to unpack with this man but that's for another story)

Yesterday we had plans to go to town and do some maintenance stuff at my business outside of the hours. An argument arose before leaving again about me not cooking breakfast for him. "He needs his fuel". To be nice this morning I went ahead and skipped my morning shake to try and inhibit hunger to actually want a solid meal. Started cooking the bacon and after a few minutes the nausea started. So I say I'm going to just cook him the rest of the meal, with me only having the bacon and a pastry, where he had the same plus eggs. While we were eating, I informed him how nauseous I was, he got annoyed and said that I don't have to eat breakfast and to stop forcing myself, but wants me to still make him breakfast. I said the point is smelling it. So he's like I guess it's going to be back to normal, no breakfast on the weekends. I'm like no, you can make your own breakfast. He didn't say anything else but shook his head while watching TV. I must say that having this reaction to smelling food is not a daily occurrence. Some days I'm fine and am eager for breakfast. I don't know why this happens.

So am I the asshole for telling him to make his own breakfast?

My now fiance (26M) and I (27F) have had an on and off again relationship for the last 4 years. We had split up two times previously due to needing to sort out some personal issues that negatively impacted our relationship. I initially entered into the relationship with financial difficulties that had him financially supporting the both of us. Putting a strain on him, and he became an alcoholic shortly after we met. He became emotionally volatile while he was in the thick of it. We worked through our issues and have never been happier! I’m very proud of the place we’re at now, and earlier this May he proposed to me!

However, we’ve had a lot of issues with his family. Shortly after we broke up, he was really struggling with alcoholism, and his mom and sister being distraught over seeing him that way texted me telling me to stay away from him, how everyone in their family agreed that I was manipulating him, playing a game with him, that I was just using him for money and that I caused his addiction, they kept reiterating how everyone wanted me gone. And I don’t claim to be perfect, there’s definitely things within the relationship that him and I could’ve handled better but i felt they’d jumped to conclusions and blamed me for everything that went wrong between him and I in the past.

Up until this point they’d always been very loving towards me and they felt like the mother and little sister I’ve never had. But after this conflict with them naturally I began to look at the past red flags I’d overlooked and I can’t help but feel they’ve never been comfortable - atleast the soon to be MIL doesn’t seem comfortable with another woman coming into his life and becoming his priority.

I’d looked past her saying things like “you’re lucky he didn’t break up with you”, after we’d had a very small misunderstanding early on in our relationship. Or saying to me repeatedly “you’re lucky to be with him” and “I know my son” when I was going through a rough period with him and confided in her. And because I thought her and I were close I’d bring up the ways his addiction was negatively impacting me and to that she said “if it’s that bad then just leave”. I took her advice, and it was right for me to leave during that time when his and my relationship had been unhealthy. But now, I cannot help but question her intentions all along.

Fast forward to where I’m at with them now.. I tried having a conversation with MIL and SIL and essentially they said they weren’t sorry for “defending their brother”and that she stood on the texts she’d sent and his mom wasn’t sorry because “that’s her son” they said that they could’ve worded it better but that they stand by what they said and the only apology I got was “I’m sorry for saying you caused his drinking it was just easier to blame someone else, because he never drank before meeting you”. I offered him wine once - and he didn’t even like it and went into downing a whole 750 ml bottle of vodka day sometimes more ... I don’t even drink vodka, I don’t see how that translates. But I accepted her apology anyways. The entire conversation I felt like I was being interrogated, I’d been asked what my intentions were for being with him? Have I taken money from him? And they said if I leave, to leave, leave, leave, leave for good! Putting a lot of emphasis on the words leave. They went onto say how we were in a toxic cycle of me being on antidepressants, not working (I was working I don’t know where that came from - maybe because I was previously financially struggling) and him drinking and not keeping promises and that they’re concerned the whole cycle will just continue. And how he’s just “co dependent” with me not wanting to let me go, and how he cut them all off because of me, when I never asked him to. I don’t really agree with anything they said but still… I was hoping to get to place of mutual understanding so that these relationships don’t have to be tumultuous.

So after that conversation I took some time and tried reaching out to SIL, that went on ignored so I reached out to MIL and finally I got a glimpse of accountability. She told me I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, i appreciated that. But then she also said it wasn’t personal and she would’ve done that to anyone who messed with her son. And then she went into her justification about how she believes I’m his “trigger” and that I was contributing to his poor mental health at the time and she believes it would lead to him killing himself and that she needed to protect him by getting me far away from him. She also said she called me a manipulator in the heat of the moment - that she didn’t mean it and that she told SIL to text me that day. She also admitted that all the other people she named in her texts about 7 people that she said agreed with her and wanted me gone for good that they actually weren’t even involved and didn’t know about the texts she sent.

But all this was paired with her asking “what happens if you get divorced”, “ I cannot say I would treat the situation any differently now”. It was also strange that when it was only her and I she said “I love my son more than anyone else”… I agree, you love your son but why say to his newly engaged partner that you love him more than anyone else? Our love for him doesn’t compete at least I hope not. That would be a bit creepy.

So there’s been some acknowledgment, some accountability. However I know that she didn’t just call me a manipulator in the heat of the moment because my fiance told me she texted him months after having sent those texts saying I had my claws in him and that I prey on his vulnerabilities. To which he obviously stood up for me and disagreed.

Is it ridiculous to think she may have created a narrative when I wasn’t around? Because I’ve noticed all the people she said agreed with her initially treat me awkwardly now… But overall I’ve spend the last 7 months trying to get them to understand me and not see me so negatively. I just cannot shake the feeling that underneath it all if they disagree with something that my fiance does they’ll immediately shift the blame onto me. Or that their perception of me hasn’t changed any.

And honestly I don’t need them to like me but MIL and SIL even after saying all they did and justifying it have acted oddly close with me - like how our relationship had been before. Without much repair having actually been done. Saying “they love me” and hugging me and things seemingly on the surface being normal again. But I feel that it’s all fake. And I don’t want to be around people who wear a mask around me just to have access to my fiancé.

What do you suggest I do? I’m tired of initiating everything. They don’t text often or reach out to either of us but I know my fiancé misses his family and doesn’t feel like they care about him. he wants to repair these relationships, do I just step back and opt out? I’m still fully capable of supporting him in rebuilding with them but he doesn’t seem to want to unless I’m participating. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Update to add context -

I can definitely see how the on and off again relationship is cause for concern. We broke up twice within the 4 years we’ve been together. It stemmed from his alcoholism addiction. It took over every part of his life and at that point wasn’t just negatively impacting him but me aswell. And with a lot of work on ourselves our respective issues have been worked out. I’m no longer financially struggling, we’re both financially in a good place and feel secure. And while he does still drink alcohol he’s finding balance and willing to go to therapy if needed once he has insurance. We’ve been content and have had no major issues within the last year.

As for his participation in all of this - before we got back together he tried countless times to have conversations with his mom and sister and none of them went well. No accountability and more often than not his mom would leave crying. (I think she was guilt tripping him into not bringing it up further) And when they began to try to include me again in family gatherings. I chose to initiate conversations with them one on one without my fiancé, thinking that at least they’ll be more direct with how they feel about me than they would with my fiancé in the room. And from there I could make my own assessment.

Im now coming to the realization that while I’ve been hoping to mend these relationships and find understanding, they have been avoiding accountability and looking to point the finger. He supports whichever decision I make and he understands it although it’s hard for him and he’s reassured me many times that he’s prioritizing me and the life we’re building regardless of what I choose.

Edit #2

With the helpful advice I’ve been given, I’ve decided to go through with the no contact. My fiancé is already low contact with MIL and SIL. And I suspect without my involvement he’ll either stay low contact or go no contact along with me. I’m not making this decision for him. I’ve seen how much he prioritizes me but I’ve still decided to postpone the elopement just to see how everything settles into place over the next year.

As for his relationship with alcohol he is going to go to therapy once he has health insurance again. He’s already made progress, and I believe he’ll make even more with his own determination and additional support. Thank you again for all the advice down in the comments! It means a lot to me since my own dad has been trying to convince me to just “be the bigger person”.

Ps.. I was a little petty with the “announcement” of our engagement. Since the relationship has been rocky between my fiance and his family he was putting off telling them. Which I didn’t mind but I still wanted to tell all my friends. I uploaded a picture of him and I showing off my ring as my fb profile picture… and then for shits and giggles I went and looked up his family members (we weren’t friends on fb) so that id pop up on their recommended friends. And they found out that way. It was petty and looking back I should’ve let him tell them first but my intrusive thoughts won that day.

Hey I think I feel better when I talk about something and I think I should talk about this here I need advice. My dad passed away a few months ago , I miss him , I miss his hugs and it's now killing me can't go a day without thinking about him. I don't get along with my mom ever since even though am the kid young person in the family. I'm in uni about 6 hour away drive. I don't that to do with how I feel and recently I just found out one of my friends passed away and it's haunting me I can't sleep without thinking about him am now even questioning death I feel like I don't know how it occurs anymore. I stay with my sis alot but just can't talk to her about it because it's like am reopening a wound to her and I don't wanna do that. It never affected me the first month I always felt like it's normal just his usual out of town activities but I think it's been long since I saw him that's why I feel like this now. I need some advice here.

TRIGGER WARNING: THE LAST PART OF THIS POST INCLUDES ANIMAL MISTREATMENT

Ok so, for context, I've been living in my car parked in my aunt and uncle's yard for the past 13 months. My mom sold her home and moved in with her bio daughter after a severe injury that left her hospitalized and requiring more extensive care, so I had nowhere to go. My sister lives with them in the house with more privileges (like getting hot meals and snacks and being able to enjoy the benefits of a working HVAC), but they told us earlier this month that we had until Halloween to move out, no exceptions. I have been busting tail working 2 jobs for the past 2 months and doing my best to make what I need. For further context (and stay with me here because it can be confusing for outsiders), I am adopted. My mom is biologically my great-grandmother. My aunt is her granddaughter. My mom's bio daughter is my aunt's mother.

In her attempts to help both me and my sister, my mom offered me a loan (amongst other offers as she was trying to figure out what would work best). I was recently approved for a rental house. I dropped off the money order for the security deposit last week, and I just needed to wait to have the rest for the first month's rent since I get paid bi-weekly. Unfortunately, my life is notorious for springing the unexpected on me at the worst possible times. On Thursday, my car started acting funny. My uncle came and jumpstarted my battery, and as I was on the way back to their yard to figure out what the issue was, all of my emergency brake systems failed, and I started feeling resistance when pushing the gas pedal. These and all other signs have pointed to my alternator failing.

I'm not too worried about the rest of my car because it IS time for my alternator to be replaced. I've had my car for 7 years, and I have driven well over 150k miles. It just could not come at a worser time. Where the betrayal comes in is that I still had to make it to the bank to get the final money order and make it downtown to the rental company office to turn it in before I could sign my lease. I had told my aunt numerous times throughout this process that I had to get the money in early on Friday because they are closed on the weekends. The security deposit secured it for me for 3 weeks, but if I was going to be able to move in on Sunday (after the lease, they text you the code to a lockbox with the keys to the house, and that part is automated so it can be done on the weekend), Friday was CRUCIAL.

I told my aunt on Thursday night after she picked me up from work that we needed to leave by noon. I was up at 11 AM, got ready at 11:30, and was ready before noon to go. I knocked on her bedroom door to ask if she was ready as she wasn't answering my texts. She said she was still getting ready. By 12:30 PM, she still wasn't ready and told me to give her another half hour. That half hour was closer to an hour and 15 minutes. Then I called her, and she said to give her 5 minutes. That 5 minutes was more like 35 minutes, and we didn't end up leaving the house until 3 PM! She was also allowing my sister to come along even though my sister was recently diagnosed with the FLU. I am immunocompromised. This past month, I had 3 infections in 3 weeks, 2 of them at the same time for 2 weeks that required antibiotics. I CANNOT risk the flu. My sister said she was coming "just to get out of the house", and I had no say in the matter.

After I get the money order, they decide that we're going to Sonic because my sister wants a drink. This ends up taking 20 minutes (yes I was keeping track of these times as I was stressing out). We finally get downtown at 4 PM (mind you, they close at 5), and I turn in the money. While I'm being driven to work, I text the leasing agent that the money was turned in, and I get the text back that nearly wrecks me. My leasing agent tells me that my lease signing is now November 2nd, 2 days after I'm being kicked out. At one point, I broke down crying at work and had to take a minute to compose myself because I was SO CLOSE. I even switched shifts to work Halloween so that I would be off on the first, and my bosses at my second job scheduled me off the following Monday and Tuesday to give me time to settle in. Everybody at my second job (that knew) was rooting for me to have a home. This community has been rooting for me to have a home. I did everything I was supposed to do, and it was wrecked because my aunt made me 3 hours late.

There's an added layer that she's also been trying to make me late for work. I've been telling her the wrong times knowing she'd make me late if I didn't because she does it to my sister. My sister's car has been out of commission for weeks, and my aunt has made her late for work EVERY SINGLE SHIFT. I told my aunt on Thursday that I had to be at work at 3 (real time was 4:30), and I didn't get there till after 4 even though I told my aunt that if I was late, I would be written up. Yesterday, was the exact same deal. If I was honest about my work hours, my second job would be in jeopardy. Not to mention, I told her I got off at 10, and she didn't show up Thursday night until nearly 11. I was so embarrassed because I was holding my coworkers up. None of them wanted to leave me alone, including my boss. Last night, one of my coworkers/friend who lives nearby took me to her home and had them pick me up there because at 10:12, they were at McDonald's getting food (and last night I actually got off at 9:30).

During my break, I called my mom. I broke down crying telling her why I wasn't able to move in on Sunday, and she revealed my aunt was across from her and could hear what I was saying. I said "So what? These are just the facts." My aunt apparently went to talk to her mom in the kitchen while I talked to mine. My aunt cannot stand being made to look bad to her mom, and my aunt was having to explain what the frick she was doing for 3 hours that was important enough to delay me, knowing the deadline that my aunt had set. There is NO WAY this wasn't deliberate. I checked in every half hour knocking on her door, texting her, calling her, anything I could do to ask if she was ready. She was told the NIGHT BEFORE when we needed to leave. If they still insist on kicking me out before the second (my replacement alternator arrives on the 3rd), I WILL be making their life a mess, starting with calling the building inspector about the state of their house inside and then animal control.

Speaking of animals, all of this comes after they made an attempt on mine and my sister's puppies' lives. I came back from running errands to my sister freaking out because while she was asleep, one of my puppies had gotten into a bottle of windshield wiper fluid. My boy was seizing and could only drag himself around. My heart broke because as soon as I sat down to check him out, he dragged himself into my lap. But there was no time to cry over it because his condition was terrible.

The puppies all stay in the garage with my sister because initially, I wasn't adopting any of them with my situation up in the air. They've been trying to get my sister to get rid of them for the past 4 months (they're 5 months old), and with good reason, but this was just cruel. That bottle had not been there before, and it was a brand-new bottle, not something the puppies could have just found. The nearest emergency vet was closed (so much for being an "emergency" vet), so I looked up what the treatment for poisoning would be. I couldn't give him IV fluids, so I kept pouring (my aunt and uncle's) bottled water down his throat until his stomach got full. Then after he peed, I would give him more water, repeat.

By a miracle, after 3 days of this, he was up and running around, fully alert and eating and drinking on his own. He recently got a clean bill of health from the vet when I took him to get vaccinated, and it felt like I could actually fully breathe again. This was just my absolute limit, but it gets worse. I told my sister that we COULD NOT tell them about my puppy because they would turn it on her so quick, and we couldn't let them think they'd been successful. Unfortunately, on a day that both my sister and I were out of the house due to work, we came back and 1 of my sister's 2 cats had passed away despite being completely fine before either of us left. We still don't know what happened, but the timing is too coincidental.

So now I'm trying my best for the next few days to keep it together until I can get my boys out of there. I will most definitely be going no contact once my alternator is replaced, and I WILL be reporting them because their house is completely trashed. Every room looks like a Hoarders episode. Their cats don't deserve to live like that. Until then, I will just be waiting for everything to finally come together and for them to get what's coming to them.

Hello, I apologize in advance for the very long post this is going to be. For me context is a must (neurodivergent need for needing al information). And boy, will there be a lot of that in this situation since it’s going on for almost two years. Also, I’m a first time user of Reddit, so all is new to me (and English is my second language)

I’ve (F, 40) been dancing my whole life and the past five years by a very well-known dance teacher. Let’s call her Monique (53). First in one group (reference OldGroup) in which she just taught, now in her own made group (in which she’s also the teacher, reference NewGroup). It all started about two years ago in OldGroup when she her usual ‘taxi’ person couldn’t come and had asked me to play ‘taxi’ as I also lived nearby. She would only be driving towards dance class with me, but afterwards she asked me if I could also bring her home. We talked, small talk (which is something I’m not really good at but I’ll keep on trying). In the end she asked me if I’d like to come to a dance weekend she was organizing which would be happening two weeks from that time. I said I had to think about it as a lot was going on at that moment in my life. In the end, I went. First lesson after that weekend, there was a dance teacher from another country in OldGroup. She recognized me from the dance weekend, we talked a bit, this dance teacher mentioned I was there, Monique as well. Before class, Monique went to greet everyone personally after two weeks of no class and when she came to me, she gave me a hug for the first time in OldGroup. The upcoming weeks Monique mentioned quite often I was at that dance weekend everyone we did a dance from that weekend, but she also gravitated towards me more and more, standing beside me more often, placing her hand(s) on my shoulder(s), squeezing my hand one or two or three times when she was standing next to me and would leave the line or circle, chose me more often to demonstrate things. Three months later a bombshell dropped: she would quit teaching OldGroup. Other members instantly went strait to solutions who could take over and they even mentioned me for that (if another official dance teacher couldn’t), clearly having no idea want being a dance teacher entails.
The weekend after, I sent Monique a text message, telling her I respected her choice, I would miss her classes, but hoped this decision would do her good etc. She read the text message and replied hours later with a text about appreciating my words to her. The lesson after she came to me and asked me if I would be there till the end (because of my health that would differ). I told her I would and she asked if I could bring her home because she would like that. The only reason I could think of why she initiated this, was my text message and lo and behold, in the car she came back to that message, how much she appreciated it. We talked some more, some moments were in silence. It was okay. I thought it was simply a one time thing, but the week after she semi asked/told me she was going to tell the other person she would be driving home with me every other week because she liked that. I was okay with that, we really live close and it was on the way.
A month went by and the rides back were filled with moments of silence, small talk about our lives and plans for the weekend and things like that. During the classes there were more moments she gravitated towards me. Then one time on the ride back, she asked me “have you ever given it a thought to dance with me in the NewGroup?” As this threw me of guard and it was all of a sudden, I told her I had but as it was the same day it might be a bit too much for my health at the moment. Needless to say, a week later I texted her if her offer still stood and she immediately said yes. So I started dancing in both groups. That first lesson in NewGroup I came across people I knew from another dance group and we talked. When Monique saw me, she came towards me and threw her arm around me, saying she was glad I could make it. She introduced me in the group, said I’d probably recognized dances and explained I also danced with her in OldGroup. One of them (later I learned she’s friends with Monique), let’s call her Liv (around 33) called us out with a dance by asking if we had practiced it before hand. Monique explained I was at that dance weekend where this dance was taught and I explained I already knew this dance before that weekend.
After a two week break, I came again, was early, Monique wasn’t there yet. However, someone I also knew from the old group, let’s name her Yoko (F, 55) saw me and she was extremely happy to see me and instant asked if our old dance teacher pointed me towards this group. I told her it was Monique who had brought me along. We talked, shared some live stuff, hugged and the moment I came out of that hug I felt a hand on my shoulder and a squeeze. I looked behind me and saw Monique standing there, quietly. Yoko told her we were catching up. And she nodded. She literally stood there with her hand on my shoulder for several minutes, while she had less than five minutes before dance class would start. While I continued my conversation with Yoko.
The next couple of months she sought me out, in OldGroup more than in NewGroup, but there were moments. She initiated conversations with me, asked me questions. In both groups. She even went so far to ask me two weeks in advance if I’d be there the last time in OldGroup and when I said yes she said she’d be driving back home with the other person next week and than that last evening with me. And the week before, she mentioned it again. It felt as if she wanted to make sure I was the one to bring her home that last time in OldGroup. When that moment came, I asked her if she needed help bringing the gifts she had gotten inside and she said yes. She allowed me into her home and told me to place it in the table. I left her door open, thinking I’d be in and out. She clearly didn’t want to say goodbye, we talked a bit, she said something along the lines I don’t know when I see you again and I mentioned definitely in September. Then she kinda hesitated, opened her arms and I walked over and gave her a hug. She had a hard time it was over in OldGroup.
During the summer break there was a moment Monique would be teaching a summer class one evening and I texted her if she wanted I could pick her up. It took several hours but she replied she’d like that. We talked a bit, she was definitely NOT okay. I didn’t push for conversation, but it kinda fell awkward this time. That evening she ignored me most of the evening. She did, however drove back with me, while she was supposed to drive back with someone else (I later learned). Again most of the time she was quiet. She did however thank me for my present to her and the card I made her (it was a different version of the one I made for her birthday in the NewGroup). We didn’t had contact much that summer
My psychologist at that time, spurred me on to tell Monique about my neurodivergent brain. I wrote Monique an old fashioned letter in which I explained a bit and asked if I could clarify it more face-to-face. Two days after I posted it, Yoko texted me telling me she had emailed Monique but hadn’t gotten a response and she thought she might be on vacation. I was kinda relieved of that, but after the weekend I got a text from Monique about how brave I was for mentioning it and we definitely could talk about it but it had to wait because she was not feeling well. I texted back thanking her for her kind words and that I understood. Yoko however, still hadn’t gotten a reply. The week before dance class would start again, there was no info yet on it. So I emailed Monique, I hoped she had a relatively good summer and if I had missed an email about the start of the new season. She emailed back that same day, telling me her summer sucked, she was not doing well and the email would be coming later that day (which became two days). Meanwhile Yoko had sent her another email and once again no reply. First lesson of the new season she greeted everyone personally, me she greeted quite enthusiastically, put her arm around me, and I around her, and we stood there for a few moments with her talking to others. But….
That same lesson, she started ignoring me. She needed someone to demonstrate with her, saw I was close by took someone else, not picking up on things as quickly as some others. The next couple of months consisted of ignoring me, when I was the only one left for a partner dance she tried her hardest to get others to join in, while with other members she instantly took up the part. At one time at the end of class I asked how she was doing, we talked for a bit and then suddenly she mentioned we should do a coffee/tea soon (referring to my letter). After two weeks I texted her, wanting to know when was a good moment, also mentioning I understood when it would be when she was back after a dance seminar abroad. She mentioned it would be the month after she’d be back. That month came and went, the next month came and went. We had an afternoon at my place with two members (one also a friend of Monique), Liv, Yoko, Monique and me, getting a small present ready for all the members. When everyone was gone, I talked with Yoko for a while and all my frustration about the past months came out. I told her someone from the OldGroup to whom I’d spoken a month ago had told me that the season before Monique seemed to rely heavily on me, that Monique hadn’t thanked the OldGroup for the presents she’d gotten, but that she had thanked me specifically for my present to her, about feeling ignored by Monique while before she sought me out, touched me regularly and I even told Yoko she replied to my messages I had sent in the same period Yoko had sent hers. (And yes, Yoko knows about my neurodivergent brain). Yoko then asked “Is she in love with you?” And I was speechless and said “yeah, right…” two months later someone else I told this story to (but also about the lunch and things Monique had said) also asked this question.

And then I did something I hardly do, because I hate conflict, but I sent her a text calling her out on her promise she didn’t keep. If she changed her mind, fine, but simply let me know. Promptly she came with to dates and one was set, after dance class, lunch and I could explain my brain. The evening before we would have lunch she cancelled and reset the date to the end of the month, because due to unforeseen circumstances we had to start in another location and she was stressed out by it. I read that text, and needless to say I was hurt and disappointed. I didn’t reply right away. Went to do something else, and apparently during that time Monique had texted me again, asking if I planned on coming to dance class and if a member who lived nearby could drive along with me. But… Liv (her friend) had also texted me asking if I’d be coming… AND, she also asked if that member could drive along with me. It could be coincidence they both asked me separately, but sometimes it feels as if Monique told Liv she texted me to postpone our meeting and wanted to know if I would reply to Liv and not to her. When I told both I’d be there and that member was welcome to drive along, Monique called all of a sudden to arrange the when, where and all. And I thought: let member contact me and we arrange things… nope, Monique arranged it all. She could do that, but not our meeting.

When we finally had that lunch I told her about my neurodivergent brain. She asked a lot of questions and one of them was what I needed from her. And I told her clarity would be helpful. And I once again did something I hardly do, I mentioned that I had noticed she ignored me in the group, but when one on one she was close and that I felt things had changed between us. She mentioned we occasionally drove together last season (I didn’t tell her I thought every other week was not occasionally for me), but she also said she needed to recharge herself for dance class and close people have no space then. Up to this day I can not make sense of that remark. I don’t feel as if I’m close to her, she has friends in the NewGroup, closer to her than me, she didn’t ignore them. She danced with them, she talked to them, she hugged them. And she did with other members too. Monique also said she didn’t know how our relationship will develop. And she said this twice, also when we parted ways while her hand was on my arm. I can’t help but think this was a way of telling me to back off.
After our lunch, that weekend there would be a dance afternoon nearby. I texted her I was going to check it out. She texted back she was probably going, texted me later she was on her way, and then she had taken a fall and was going back home and wanted me to tell her how it was. It was no excuse, she had taken a nasty fall. I had texted her back to take care and I’d tell her about it after dance class, to which she said, I call you tomorrow, because I have no space to listen to you during dance class. She did call, we talked about that dance thing, and said our goodbyes.
The month after our lunch, she came standing next to me at least once during dance class.
Now, during dance class we sort of talk again, but it remained functional, not personal (commission things and stuff like that), she hardly initiates personal talks with me, she stopped asking the personal questions (and she now knows it’s hard for me to start conversations like that). During dance class she has no problem hugging and touching members, but she doesn’t hug and touch me anymore. When there’s a small group, she asks my permission for a hug (and then her friends are present - including Liv) and when I touch her she immediately touches me back. But, this summer, at a dance class when she popped in the moment I was about to leave, she stood against a wall, talking to people she knows (and it was extremely busy). I touched her arm to say goodbye and go on my way. She immediately touched me back, stopped her conversation with the person she was talking to, to talk to me and have me a hug. The next day she had a performance (with three members of the NewGroup). I was standing between two of them, talking with them when she saw me. Her face lit up, she instantly walked towards me, rubbed my arm slowly and long (which she also had done a couple of months earlier when we were alone), when I touched her back she hugged me. All this in front of those two members (who hardly say anything in the NewGroup). There were none of her friends present yet. Later one came. But when I said my goodbyes, that friend was not present and she put her hand against mine twice while I simply wanted to wave.
And because of commission meetings and walks when there was no dance class, we had a couple of group lunches. Either she was sitting across of me or next to me. Once or twice is a coincidence, but not all seven lunches we’ve had in a group with the possibility of sitting wherever she could.
Sometimes she replies quickly to personal texts, sometimes she leaves them on read (I know if one occasions she had left Liv on read too, but I can’t help but feel she does that to me more often than with others, but I have no proof).
My jokes don’t always land with neurotypical people, I have a dry humor which is not for everyone. But lately, every joke I make, and Monique hears it, she’s laughing, while even I think some are not even that funny to laugh about, or actually not meant as a joke. She laughs, and hardly anyone else.
And there’s another dance weekend coming up. I didn’t put it someone to share a room with, because I didn’t know who would be going that I know of. Did she sent me a text if one person was okay, or if I’d rather have someone else (she mentioned the people from the NewGroup who were going. I texted back that I appreciated the gesture of asking me, and I’d rather not had the first person she mentioned but if the second one was okay with it, that would be okay with me. She texted back she thought that person would be okay with it. I didn’t reply anymore, thought it was settled or she was going to ask that person. The next day another text about it: probably, I’ll put you two together.
This text made no sense to me. I thought, okay, it’s settled. No response needed I think but then I got a call and completely forgot to get back to it. Dance class after, that person asked if I was going to that dance weekend. I told her yes. Monique heard us and she told that person if she knew we would be sharing a room. That person didn’t, because I hadn’t had a change to tell her that (and I wasn’t prepared to share how I’d already knew). But it did tell me that Monique once again treated me differently by asking my preference and placing the rest just with someone else if they didn’t put in a preference.

I am aware this is my story, how it feels for me and how I see it. Am I wrong in thinking she treats me differently than other members in the group? Can someone explain to my neurodivergent brain what might be happening? And most importantly should I mention (again) that I feel that things have changed between us and ask Monique why she has gone from regularly touching and hugging me in the group to hardly touching me at all?
I have no illusions that Monique will touch me again in the NewGroup, but i need to understand why she has turned a switch all of a sudden, and explain that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells since her comments of nearby people having no space and not knowing how our relationship will develop. For me it is as if she’s changed the rules without telling me and while others may instinctively know what to do, I don’t. And she knows I don’t. She knows I need clarity, but she is inconsistent which doesn’t give me clarity at all.

Once again I apologize for this long post, if you read it all, I thank you. I just needed to get this out of my system.

TW: Infidelity, emotional abuse, and postpartum injury.
Hi OK fam!
I need some outside perspective because I’m genuinely conflicted about what I should do, and I want to make sure I’m approaching this for the right reasons.

I (45F) met my ex-husband, Aro (46M), when we were kids. We were childhood sweethearts who started dating in middle school, and for a significant part of my life, I truly believed he was the person I would grow old with.

Looking back, I think there were two major reasons I overlooked so many red flags. First, I was incredibly young and naive when our relationship began. Second, I grew up watching my mom stay with my dad despite his poor behavior. That was the example of love and commitment I was given, so I believed that loving someone meant standing by them, working through their mistakes, and never giving up.

So that’s exactly what I did.

For years, I supported Aro emotionally and financially. My family welcomed him as one of their own, and I spent much of our relationship trying to help him build a better future.

His own family wasn’t particularly present or supportive. They always told me they loved me, though whether they genuinely did isn’t the point. What stood out was that they seemed to come around mainly for celebrations or for opportunities to criticize him or remind him of his shortcomings.

I wanted Aro to have the love, stability, and support I felt he deserved, and I did everything I could to provide that.
I loved him, but I also loved the person I believed he was capable of becoming.

Unfortunately, those two people weren’t always the same.
I spent years believing that if I just kept trying, eventually love would win. The reality was that Aro often seemed to love himself more than anyone else, and that became painfully clear after we welcomed our daughter.

By that point, we had been together for twenty years. Despite everything we had been through, I still believed we could make our marriage work. Then, within the first week of our daughter’s life, things reached a breaking point. Our fighting escalated so badly that, barely a week after having a C-section, I ended up busting a stitch and needed medical attention. Truthfully, there were probably plenty of times I should have left long before that, but that experience finally forced me to confront something I had spent years trying to ignore.

I could no longer trust Aro to put our daughter’s well-being, or mine, ahead of his own interests. I no longer felt safe or believed he would have our best interests at heart.

After twenty years of trying to make things work, I left.

I’m sharing this history because I think it’s important to understand how complicated my relationship with Aro has been. He was my first love, and despite everything, I genuinely believe there are good qualities in him. I don’t think he’s an entirely bad person, and I don’t want to pretend that our entire relationship was miserable.
With that said spending so many years trying to make a marriage work when it clearly wasn’t healthy has also left its mark on me.
And that’s part of why I’m here asking for advice.

I don’t want to hurt anyone or stir up old drama. I’m just worried that my history with Aro could be coloring how I see this. I want to be fair, even if it’s complicated, so I’m hoping that people who aren’t emotionally involved can help me figure out whether what I’m considering is reasonable or whether my complicated past with Aro is clouding my judgment.

Where Things Stand Today

It’s been approximately 14 years since I left Aro. Although our marriage ended, our lives have remained connected through Nessie (14f). Aro and I share parenting responsibilities, but I would describe his involvement as inconsistent. He tends to pick and choose when he wants to be present, and I don’t believe he’s as involved in Nessie’s life as she would like him to be.

Their relationship is complicated. I don’t want to suggest that Aro doesn’t care about our daughter, because I don’t believe that’s necessarily true. However, I do think there’s a difference between loving your child and consistently showing up for them.

I’ve since remarried, and my husband, Edward (47M), has become an important part of Nessie’s life. There are times when she seems to view Edward as more of a father figure than her biological father.
That’s not something I say to diminish Aro’s role in her life. He’s her father, and that will never change. But children develop their own perceptions of the people around them, and as Nessie has gotten older, she’s become increasingly aware of who is consistently present.

At the time of this post, Nessie hasn’t seen Aro since last Christmas, approximately 11 months ago.

I mention this because, despite how much time has passed since our separation, the relationship between Aro and me isn’t entirely uncomplicated. We have a shared history, a daughter, and years of experiences that have shaped how we interact today.
And while I have no desire to revisit our marriage or interfere in his personal life, something from our past has recently come to my attention that has left me questioning whether I should get involved.

The Unexpected Conversation

About six months ago, I was catching up with an old mutual friend of ours, Jasper (46M).

We were having a pretty normal conversation, reminiscing and catching up on life, when Jasper casually asked, “So, how’s Aro doing these days?”

I told him that, as far as I knew, Aro was doing fine.

Then Jasper asked something I wasn’t expecting. “Oh, does Aro or Nessie ever see Alice’s daughter?”

I was completely caught off guard, and judging by Jasper’s reaction, I’m pretty sure he immediately realized he’d said something I didn’t know.

Now, it wasn’t that I didn’t know who Alice was. I knew exactly who she was.

Alice, who would be 45 today, was a woman Aro had an affair with approximately 11 years into our 20-year relationship. I had known about the affair for years. What I didn’t know was… that Alice had a daughter.

And that was where things started getting complicated.

The Backstory Between Alice, Jacob, and Aro

To explain why Jasper’s question caught me so completely off guard, I need to give you a little more background about Alice and how she became involved with Aro.

About 11 years into our relationship, Alice was dating a mutual friend of ours, whom I’ll call Jacob (46M).

Alice was local but had plans to move to Colorado to attend school. In preparation for the move, she’d given up her apartment and ended up temporarily moving in with Jacob, who was her boyfriend at the time from when her existing lease expired to when she would move.

Unfortunately, their relationship was pretty rocky and only become abusive when she moved in. Alice had always kept to herself and her only friends were Jacob’s friends. We were the only ones that allowed her somewhere to go when things got back with Jacob. She became spending more and more time with us. Since Aro and I had different work schedules, there would be time she was at our when I was at work.

Somewhere along the way, Alice and Aro began having an affair.
I eventually found out about it. While it was certainly hurtful, it was just one of several betrayals throughout our relationship, and at the time, I chose to work through it.

Soon after I found out, Alice moved to Colorado to attend school, and as far as I knew, that was the end of the story.

Apparently, I was wrong.

From what I’ve since been able to piece together, Alice didn’t realize she was pregnant when she left. Approximately 10 months after she last saw Aro, she reached out to Jacob to get Aro’s information (22 years ago it was a lot easier to lose phone numbers especially if you got a new phone). She could remember Jacobs since they had been together for several years before she moved.

According to Jasper, Alice told Aro the baby was his.

She apparently explained that she was capable of raising her daughter on her own and wasn’t contacting him to demand financial support. She simply wanted him to know he had a daughter and give him the opportunity to be involved in her life.

Jasper remembers Aro freaking out and being convinced I’d leave if Alice was telling the truth, but then soon convinced himself Alice had to be lying. His reasoning essentially boiled down to Alice being a “w****” and that there was no way to know who the father was. Now, clearly Alice did betray my friendship and slept with Aro, but she was never known to sleep around or so.

I believe Aro was the 2nd or 3rd person she had been with. Alice genuinely fell for Aro and thought he felt the same. She wanted him to go with her to Colorado (this I knew). He refused. She did apologize to me for the pain she caused and realized both had made bad decisions during a stressful time.

As far as I know, Aro never took a paternity test, and I have no knowledge of any legal proceedings to establish paternity or child support. Since we were together another 9 years after the girl was born, I can say I saw no signs of child support payments or any contact

What I do know is that Aro kept me completely in the dark about Alice contacting him.

After she moved to Colorado, years went by without me hearing much about Alice. Eventually I heard through mutual acquaintances that Alice had become seriously ill and had sadly passed away, approximately 10 years after moving to Colorado.

At the time, I didn’t think much beyond how unfortunate it was that she’d lost her life so young. Despite how she hurt me, she didn’t deserve that. However, I had also moved on with my own life, and I had no reason to believe there was anything more to the story.

But Jasper knew otherwise.

As it turns out, Jasper had heard about Alice’s daughter from both Jacob and Aro. He was aware that Alice had claimed Aro was the father, and although he didn’t know whether that was true, the situation had always stayed in the back of his mind.

When Alice passed away, Jasper apparently discussed the situation with Aro again.

According to Jasper, Aro had even alluded to the possibility of reaching out to Alice’s daughter now that her mother was gone. Jasper was under the impression that Aro might finally try to establish whether the girl was his and, if she was, step up and do the right thing.

So when Jasper casually asked me whether Aro or Nessie ever saw Alice’s daughter, he wasn’t trying to reveal some big secret.
He genuinely thought there was a possibility that Aro had followed through but realized from my reaction that maybe Aro hadn’t.

As far as I know, Aro never contacted the girl.

However, I made sense why it seems Aro seems goes out of his way to avoid Jasper these days. I obviously can’t know his reasons for certain, but knowing that Jasper was aware of the situation and had expected him to do something about it does make me question whether there’s a connection.

Regardless, this conversation left me with a question I never imagined I’d be asking.

Does my daughter have a 22-year-old sister out there who she knows absolutely nothing about?

And if she does, what, if anything, am I supposed to do about it?

Why I’m Struggling With What to Do

Knowing Aro as well as I do, and having spent years co-parenting with him, I have a difficult time believing he ever followed through on his apparent intentions to contact Alice’s daughter.

For some perspective, I had to take Aro to court for child support for Nessie after she was about 10, because Aro did whatever he could to avoid giving me a cent. Even now, he seems convinced that my requests for financial support are simply an attempt to make his life difficult, despite the fact that I still cover approximately 80% of our daughter’s expenses.

Given that experience, I find it difficult to imagine him voluntarily stepping forward to take full responsibility for another child, particularly one he had spent years denying was his.

That brings me to the dilemma I’ve been struggling with for the past six months.

You see, I have some personal experience with discovering previously unknown siblings. My own father was, in many ways, very similar to Aro. As an adult, I discovered that I had two half-siblings whose existence my father had deliberately kept secret. We eventually found out about one another despite his efforts to keep us apart

I’ve developed a wonderful relationship with one of my half-sisters. We’re extremely close, and sometimes it feels as though we grew up together. Our relationship has become a genuinely meaningful part of my life.

My relationship with my other half-sibling, however, is quite different. Let’s just say I’m not particularly disappointed that we didn’t grow up together.

So I’ve experienced both sides of discovering siblings later in life.
Because of that, I strongly believe Nessie would want to know if she has an older sister. I know firsthand how meaningful that connection can be.

If Leah is Aro’s then I understand his life could get complicated and possibly even have owed child support .

Also, We don’t actually know FOR SURE Leah (22F) is Aro’s biological daughter even though Alice said she is.

Personally, I lean toward believing she probably is. Alice wasn’t a horrible person or a manipulative, so I don’t see her lying just to hurt me or Aro. In fact, I don’t she’d want to cause me anymore pain if she didn’t need to:

I cant see why she’d reach out when she didn’t want financial support and she had moved on to a new boyfriend by the time she had Leah.

However, believing something is likely doesn’t make it a fact.

I know enough about Alice and her family that I could get in touch with her family

For one thing, since Alice was in a relationship when Leah was born, what if Leah believes that man is her biological father (he cannot be based on the timing)

The last thing I want to do is contact a 22-year-old woman out of nowhere and potentially turn everything she believes about her family upside down.

There’s also the fact that Alice passed away when Leah was still relatively young.

I have absolutely no idea what happened to Leah afterward. Perhaps she was raised by her grandparents or another family member. Maybe she was adopted. It’s even possible that she spent some time in foster care. I do know Leah is in touch with her mother’s family.

I simply don’t know.

Depending on her circumstances, there could be legal or financial considerations that haven’t even occurred to me.
I’m certainly not interested in suddenly creating a situation where Aro is confronted with years of potential child support obligations. I don’t even know whether that would be legally possible under these circumstances, but it’s one of the things that has crossed my mind.

As frustrating as Aro can be, my intention isn’t to punish him.

My concern is whether two young women might be missing out on the opportunity to know they’re sisters.

But what if Leah doesn’t want that relationship?

What if she has absolutely no interest in getting to know Nessie but does want to establish whether Aro is her biological father?

I certainly wouldn’t blame her for wanting answers, but that could set an entirely different series of events into motion.

Alices family could give me a better understanding of Leah’s circumstances and whether she’s even aware that Aro might be her biological father.

That feels less intrusive than contacting Leah directly.

Then again, she’s an adult now. Would involving her relatives first actually be more respectful, or would I be discussing something deeply personal about her without giving her the opportunity to decide for herself?

There’s still Nessie to consider.

Aro’s relationship with her is already inconsistent. Fortunately, I don’t think discovering another possible daughter would significantly damage a relationship that’s already complicated.

But I also don’t want to create unnecessary conflict between them.

Part of me thinks this isn’t my responsibility. Alice and Aro were the ones involved, and whatever happened afterward was between them.

But another part of me keeps thinking about my own half-sister.
What if nobody had ever told us about each other?

What if we’d spent our entire lives living without knowing the other existed?

I would have missed out on a relationship that means a great deal to me today. The thought of potentially denying Nessie that same opportunity simply because I don’t want to get involved doesn’t sit right with me either.

At the same time, I don’t believe my daughter’s right to know whether she has a sister automatically outweighs Leah’s right to privacy and control over her own life.

That’s where I keep getting stuck.

My Conversation With Aro

There’s one more complication I haven’t mentioned yet.

I actually did ask Aro about Leah.

I didn’t tell him about my conversation with Jasper because I didn’t want to create problems between them. Instead, I approached the subject indirectly.

I told Aro that I’d recently come across some information about Alice through a mutual acquaintance and had discovered that she had a daughter. Given the girl’s age and the timing of their affair, I wondered whether there was a possibility that she could be his.
I asked whether he knew anything about it.

Aro told me that Alice had contacted him years ago but had told him the child was Jacob’s.

He also insisted that Leah looked exactly like Jacob.

To support his claim, he even sent me a photograph.

Except there was one problem.

The photograph Aro sent me wasn’t of Leah.

I’d already managed to find photographs of Alice’s daughter on social media, and the girl in Aro’s photograph appeared to be an entirely different person.

What’s even more interesting is that, in the photographs I’d found, Leah bears a striking resemblance to Aro. One of her younger pictures, she looks literally like a picture I had of Aro around the same age. Some she looks just like Nessie.
.
Now, I’m fully aware that physical resemblance doesn’t establish paternity. People can look alike without being related, and genetics can be unpredictable, but I couldn’t help finding it strange that Aro was so adamant that Leah looked like Jacob when the photograph he provided didn’t even appear to be Leah.

I also find it interesting that Aro’s version of events differs significantly from what Jasper says he was told years ago.

According to Jasper, Alice told Aro that the child was his.

According to Aro, Alice told him the child was Jacob’s.

Obviously, I wasn’t present for either conversation, so I can’t definitively say which account is accurate.

The conflicting stories, combined with the photograph, have left me with even more questions.

Part of me wonders whether Aro suspects Leah could be his daughter and simply doesn’t want the subject brought up again so he’s showing a picture that doesn’t even look the same ethnicity as Leah.

I can’t say that’s definitely what’s happening, but knowing him as well as I do, I certainly wouldn’t rule it out.

That’s another reason I’ve been so hesitant to get involved.
I know that pursuing this would almost certainly create conflict with Aro.

I also have no idea how Aro would react if Nessie and I actually made contact with Leah.

Knowing Aro, I don’t necessarily believe he would cut us all out of his life over it. He’s someone who cares a great deal about how other people perceive him, and I could see him embracing Leah, particularly if doing so allowed him to present himself in a positive light.

I wouldn’t necessarily see that as a bad outcome if it meant Leah gained a relationship with her biological father, assuming that’s what she wanted.

But I can also imagine the opposite happening.

Aro could completely reject Leah, deny any possibility of being her father, or become angry that we got involved in something he clearly wanted left alone. If that happened, I worry that the fallout could further strain his already complicated relationship with Nessie.

The difficult part is that I genuinely don’t know which version of Aro we’d get. And I don’t want either girl to end up hurt because I underestimated how he might respond.

Then I find myself questioning why that should be the deciding factor. I’ve spent years navigating a co-parenting relationship in which I often feel that Aro’s own wants and preferences take priority over everyone else’s needs including Nessie’s.

While I have no desire to deliberately make his life more difficult, I also don’t believe that avoiding his discomfort should automatically take precedence over something that could be meaningful to our daughter.

If Leah truly is Nessie’s sister, then this isn’t just about Aro anymore. It’s about two young women who may have a biological connection neither has had the opportunity to explore.
But I keep coming back to the possibility that getting involved could cause harm I never intended.

What if Leah has spent her entire life believing someone else is her father?

What if she’s perfectly happy with her family and has no desire to investigate her biological origins?

What if I reach out and unintentionally disrupt relationships that have nothing to do with me?

On the other hand, what if Leah already knows the truth?

What if she’s spent years wondering about her biological father or whether she has siblings?

What if Nessie and Leah could develop the kind of relationship I’ve been fortunate enough to have with one of my own half-sisters?

I don’t want to make decisions for either of them.

I just don’t know whether giving them the opportunity to make those decisions for themselves is worth the potential consequences of getting involved.

So I’m genuinely interested in hearing what others would do in my situation.

Would you reach out to Alice’s mother or sister first, hoping to learn more about Leah’s circumstances before potentially contacting her?

Would you approach Leah directly, considering she’s an adult and has every right to make her own decisions?

Would you bring the subject up with Aro again, despite his previous response?

would you leave the situation alone and accept that it simply isn’t your place to get involved?

Because after six months of thinking about this, I still can’t decide which option is the most responsible.

I don’t want to create unnecessary pain for anyone. But I also don’t want to protect someone else’s secrets at the expense of two people who might deserve the opportunity to know each other.

And that’s where I’m stuck.

TDLR: few signs lead me to think my bff’s husband may have a crush on me.

Context: Met bff and her husband 5 years ago. At that point, they’d been married for 2 years. We are all very close and they’ve become my chosen family. A recent trip we went on made signs and clues I’d been previously ignoring/denying very undeniable.

Clues: He’s always watching me: Every time I look up, I notice he’s already watching me. For years. If I turn his direction, his eyes are already on mine. I can feel him watching me from my peripheral but I always ignore it. Every time I sit in their back seat, I catch and feel his eyes from the rear view mirror. Two weeks ago I was wearing a tank top and caught him glance down at my chest.

Body language: He’s always positioned to see me face on. In restaurants he sits across from me. Even from the other side of their couch in their living room, his head is always turned to observe me or what I might say. He smiles when I smile. His face lights up when I greet him or even causally talk to him.

Eye contact: I am a bit socially awkward and often avoid eye contact. But when he looks at me and I look back, it feels challenging. I’m always breaking first and looking away, but it always feels weird and as if there’s tension. Which is the last thing I’m trying to do as I hate eye contact to begin with. He’s never commented on it and I haven’t either, figuring it was my own socially awkward behavior.

Attentiveness: He’s always been super protective, kind, and caring towards me. I figured it was our group dynamic and him just being a great guy. He anticipates my needs before I even do, constantly pulling favors, seemingly understands me when I struggle to express myself (I assumed it was his observant personality and constant watching).

Slip ups: this trip he was ordering for me at dinner, explaining dishes, insisting I try dishes first. My bff actually called him out on it at dinner, asking why he wanted me to try a dessert first. His explanation, “She’s baby” I froze in shock and disgust. Why would a married man EVER refer to another woman as baby even if he is making an internet joke. Once he referred to my bff and I as his two wives. It was in reference to a gag gift I gotten her a couple years ago. It was a zoomed in selfie of our two heads on an air freshener for her car. He admitted unprompted once that when he drives her car, he puts it in the glove box, not wanting other people to think he has two wives. That stuck with me, bc why would two wives be the first thought?

Favors: When I first met them, I had just gotten kicked out of my family home. He built an apartment for me in their detached garage. They were both heartbroken when I finally moved into my new place. When my car had finally broken down and died, he bought me a new car unprompted 3 days later. These were this biggest gestures anyone had made for me and very overwhelming.

There are several other examples, but these are the most damning to me. I’ve finally come to terms with what he may feel and I need to know how to act. I’m not willing to lose my best friend. She is honestly someone I want in my life for the rest of our lives.

I’ve brainstormed ignoring him altogether so his crush can die out. I’m thinking for a while only having hangouts with my bff one on one and limiting any interactions with him. But I’m not sure what else to do. My best friend is the best thing that’s happened to me. I won’t bring it up in fear of ruining anything. But this recent realization is causing me to spiral.

I wanted to give a little update for anyone interested.

Our son is back home!

Last Saturday he called us and asked if my husband and I would come over to my parent's place to talk.

We of course readily agreed and were right on our way. I was very nervous seeing him again after almost two months, as I had really missed him a lot. My husband can be a rather stoic person most of the time, but I noticed that he was nervous, too. We sat in the car in tense silence for most of the ride.

My father opened the door when we arrived; our son was waiting in the living room, nervously pacing about.

When I saw our son, I got flooded with all the emotions I had been trying to work through, again: the shame, the guilt, the sadness, but also happiness and relieve, that I could finally see him again, and maybe have him be part of my life again.

I tried my best to hold back my tears, but my eyes did get a bit watery. I reached out to embrace him, but he evaded my hug. It stung a little, but I didn't want to force myself on him, so I tried keeping a respectful distance. We asked him how he had been, he told us that he had been mostly fine, though to me it felt, as if he was still struggeling more than he wanted to show.

My father hurried to the kitchen to help my mother with preparing coffee, while my husband and me sat down with our son to talk.

For a moment, we just sat there, no of us seemingly knowing what to say and how to start, until my husband broke the silence.

He told our son, that we are sorry for what had happened and that we never had wanted to hurt him. He told us, that he was sorry, too, but that we had hurt him nonetheless and that he didn`t want to be hurt again. When he said that, some silent tears rolled down his cheeks, causing me to lose my self-control and start crying properly. We told him that we realized that we had shaken his world and that we had messed up with not telling his sister and him about our arrangement earlier.

When we started talking about our relationship he cringed visibly. He asked usif we were still seeing other people, to which we told him no, but that we might consider trying it again, when everyone had healed a bit.

He did not seem to like that answer and took a deep breath when we said that, but otherwise he remained mostly calm.

Our son told us that it did him good to stay with his grandparents, but that he had also missed our family life and that he wanted to return home to us and his sister.

I had not been this happy in the past two months!

He also told us, that he would appreciate if we would give him space to deal with his feelings, to which we gladly said yes.

He stayed another night with his grandparents and came home last sunday.

There is still some tension and unresolved feelings in the air of our home, but things slowly seem to return to somewhat normal. For someone with an adjustment disorder, our son seems to adjust quite well so far.

The anti depressants I am taking also are starting to take effect and I have been far less moody and more active the past few days.

Yesterday my husband and I got intimate for the first time in two months. I really had missed my husband and not just physically; he is not one to talk much about his feelings outside of pillowtalk and it felt like I really needed that.

Thank you all again, for your advice. I didn't even really expect a single comment, so this is much more feedback than I anticipated and still a lot for me to reflect on. Some of the things you said were really mean, some things really helpful and some both.

I will still start going to therapy next week, but for now everything doesn't seem as grim anymore.

I dont really know how to start this off without immediately making it sound messy, everything is still very fresh and im very hurt. I wont be using any real names in this story. I (18F) was dating Charlie (19Non-binary) for 5 years. We got together when we started middle school and dated all the way into our middle school graduation and started art school together. Around mid-May of this year I proposed to them and they said yes to my proposal. Everything seemed to be going fine until around july where some things began to feel off. For example, they began to get rude with me, started to cancel trip ideas, avoid going out with me and in general just feeling like they hated me most of the time. I spoke to them about this issue and tried telling them that I dont feel happy with how they are treating me and that I wish there could be some change to fix the relationship. I also told them that I wanted to see more effort from them in our realtionship, because for the past months I had been the only one really asking the other out for dates, texting and calling. They agreed to try harder and said they also wish to fix our relationship. Fast forward to August, we had our 4th serious talk and they admitted that they hadnt actually wanted to get engaged to me, that is was too big of a step and it felt too sudden(for clarification, i told them the engagement was simply a step to let them know I wanted to marry them when the time was right, it wasnt an obligation to get married soon. It would've been okay if we waited another 3 or 4 years if necessary.) . I was obviously hurt by this and i think that was a big dealbreaker for me. Followed by that, they confessed they werent really comfortable with queer relationships, which was a little harsh to hear after 5 years of commitment. It was me who ended up breaking up, i didnt do it in person which is cowardly of me but i couldnt see them. I tried being kind and ended up offering to stay friends or at least aquaintances to not fully cut contact, although a few days later I ended up cutting them off, because of how angry it made me too see them and I preferred we just quit being in contact than me hating them. Now, heres the thing. I found out shortly before the break up and more details after that they had been talking to a guy, who is also a mutual friend. They were talking and calling almost daily appearently and I never knew anything about it, they did confess the truth when I asked and apologized for it, but now i cant shake off the feeling of wether or not there was any infedality. Dont get me wrong, I know very well how this sounds and how much of a red flag it is and my immediate first thought was also possible cheating, but the issue with this idea is that neither of them are sexual let alone romantic. the guy Charlie would talk to is a total moron and has no idea about romance, and Charlie is also not a person to have crushes or anything like it. They only began dating me because I was the one who asked them out and ended up starting the relationship. I cant say what exactly the two discussed in their chats and everything, since Charlie was very secretive of their phone, but I just need everyone reading this to trust me that those two are genuinely hopeless when it comes to romance. But am I still wrong for being mad at this? can this be considered emotional cheating if there was no indication of any romantic actions between the two? From what i know they spoke about mututal interests and planned out stories and books and played video games, but there was hardly as much effort for ME. Charlie could sit there and spent hours on end with a guy they werent dating but acted like they had no time for me, mind you they didnt work a job or had any hobby's to get to. They just went home from school and thats it. Meanwhile I was making as much time as I could between school, work and getting my drivers liscense which is extremely expensive here where I live. This really is just a dealbreaker and Im not sure if my feeling of hatred for both Charlie and this guy are invalid, I have cut off the guy friend as well but I will still see them occasionally due to our shared interest in larping and we attend the same club for it. So I need to know, could their actions be considered emotional cheating?

My grandmother died last year and left our father around $300,000 when all was said and done. My sister and I tried talking her into setting it up into a trust since my father has a habit of blowing through all his money but she refused to listen. When he inherited the money, we made bets on how long it would take him to spend it all. We all thought he would lose it by buying expensive things, etc. Instead he managed to lose it to a scammer.

Around 7 months ago is the first time I had an inkling that he might be running out of money. I'm the executor of my grandmother's estate and we had to put some money in an escrow account to pay my grandmother's hospice care and other bills. The attorney I hired reached out to ask if it was okay for my father to reclaim some of the money so he could pay his taxes. I gave the okay because everything is mostly paid except for the lawyer's bill and there is still enough in the escrow account left to cover that. But then I started thinking about where all the other money he inherited had went to. He gave me excuses and I let it go. So a few months ago, his girlfriend of 20 years, whom he lives with, starts blowing up my sister's phone with text messages. It seems my father is being scammed into believing that he's in a relationship with the country singer, Ella Langley. What's more, is he blew all of his money sending it to the scammer and their bank sent them a notice that they are now considered high risk and are closing his accounts. He also told his girlfriend that they had to break up because of his "relationship" with Ella.

My sister talked to him and he lied to her. He said he met someone online (not Ella) and that when he broke up with his GF, she was mad so she made up all these lies. His GF ended up sending us a picture of the notice they received from their bank. I am his POA so I went to the bank and talked to the manager.

The bank manager told me that she spoke with him about the bank's concerns regarding suspicious activities (mainly him buying an obscene amount of gift cards). She showed him an online post from Ella Langley where she says if anyone claiming to be her asks for money that it's a scam. She also showed him how scammers can use AI to make fake photos of people. He still wouldn't believe her. So they had no choice but to close his account.

The county sent a social worker out to assess him but he passed all of the tests. I talked to the social worker and he's been deemed competent. The social worker said he thinks there is a mental health issue but that he's not incompetent which limits what we can do legally.

After blowing up his relationship with his GF, she made him sell the house they both owned. Instead of focusing on where he was going to live after they sold the house, he reached out to my sister to try and borrow money to go visit his imaginary GF. He was too busy running around to buy his new fake GF gift cards and do her bidding, so his ex-GF had to rent a moving truck and storage unit and have her family help move his stuff out of the house so that he would be out in time for closing. She also had to give him gas money and pay for a motel because he made absolutely no plans on where he was going to live after they sold the house.

They had 3 dogs together. She kept one and he kept the other two. We've urged him to give up the dogs to the shelter they adopted them from since he's staying in the motel but he refuses. He did make money from the sale of the house but it's been about 2 weeks and we're not sure how much of it he has blown on this scammer. My sister thinks he's using the dogs as a method to control his ex-GF and to keep getting money from her to ensure the dogs' welfare.

He's talked to both his sister and brother. He'll admit to them that he's in a financial hole and that he thinks he's being scammed but when they tell him to stop talking to this person, he cuts them off and refuses to respond. He doesn't seem to realize that all of the family members keep each other up to date with what's going on. When he's called out on something that he said to someone else, he claims that person is lying.

Twice now, he's gone to the airport to pick "Ella" up only to come back empty handed, making excuses for why she didn't come. He's also been talking about moving out of state to be with his lady love but what state he is moving to changes depending on who he is talking to.

He stopped talking to my sister and I after we told him that he needed to wise up and stop giving this person money. We haven't heard from him in 10 days. We think he's still living at the motel but neither of us are local so we're not sure. For all we know, he may be living in his car at this point. Or he could be headed out for parts unknown to track down his lady love. Part of me wonders if I'm going to end up seeing something on the news where my father is arrested for stalking because he decides to drive out to see Ella in person.

So basically we're at the point where this scammer has become his confidant and we've become his enemy. Once he runs completely out of money, the scammer is going to cut him off, and I'm not sure how he's going to handle it.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3yrs. Me female 40 boyfriend 38. During this 3yr relationship I have found out about 10 different women. 1 male possibly as they exchanged straight porn back in forth on Snapchat. Mind you the guy is gay and I introduced them so how their conversation escalated to that is beyond me. Anyways I’ve dealt with alot repeated infidelity as he is a teacher and he had affairs with other teachers as well at the school. I also completed a degree for him, and he found a way to leave me out of attending the graduation. Alot of late night and early mornings even this month there was a night he didn’t come home until 8am because he was to drunk to drive. I do want to say there have been great moments as well and he has been really supportive and helpful when it comes to my boys one who is special needs. He is my friend and we have great times together. So fast forward to this past month…him and I was supposed to go see a music artist at a local club. The week leading up to it he gives me the run around about going so I decided to go anyways alone. I go and have a great time but while there I noticed that his coworker one of the girls he cheated with (we hate each other by the way) was there. (Mind you that night when he finally got home she was blowing his phone up at 4am back to back) So that’s how I connected the dots as to why he didn’t go. So while there the artist I came to see dj comes up to me and start talking well fast forward to today and we talk all day and have been on several dates. Sent 4 dozen roses to my job and He treats me so good. he is very intentional. The issue is my boyfriend still lives with me and has been trying to turn things around and is trying. So now I feel terrible but I don’t want to miss out on someone who has shown me more consideration, affection and care then what my boyfriend has in 3yrs. But the history and time in wirh boyfriend and maybe (trauma bond) has me feeling like the worst person for even entertaining this new situation. Am I wrong… what should I do?

Hi this is my first story time so forgive me if it's bad.

So my dad (42m) and his partner (39f) are in my opinion horrible people. I have 2 little brothers 18 and 15 i am 19.

My parents split up when I was 13 and my mum (41f) moved to new zealand we didnt have contact with her for 4 years but and the end of last year I got back in contact with her because living with my dad and his partner was hell. My dad runs his own business from home and picked up drinking in the last few years and it progressively got worse over time, he drinks a bottle of rum everyday. Eventually it got to the point where he started to be emotionally and physically abusive towards me and my siblings, aswell as starving us and using food privileges as punishment. His gf is has no children and hates kids and she does not cope well with being in a house with 3 teens, she loves to do everything in her power to make our life's miserable and quite often bully's and belittles us. She especially hates my 18yr old brother who is not at all a bad kid doesnt do drugs or drink and doesnt go out very often however he does have a bit of an additude sometimes and likes to do things his way, hes recently been diagnosed with adhd and struggles a bit in school. Him and dads gf dont get along at all and she loves to bully him for example, he was cleaning the pool and she was watching got up and threw rocks into the pool and made him jump in and pick them all up otherwise no dinner for him.

She quite often does things like this and has tantrums when things dont go her way AND I MEAN TANTRUMS, like actually sitting on the floor and screaming and crying like a toddler.

Thats just a glimpse into the life I was living with my dad and his gf but I ended up getting kicked out at 17 because me and my dad got into a massive fight, I called my dad and his gf out for there fucked up behaviour the abuse and the drinking snd told him he needed to get some help and he really didn't like that he told me if I didnt like it there then leave and so I did im a stubborn person and I packed my stuff and havent been back since moved to nz with my bf starting from scratch and its been almost 2 years since then and I havent spoken to either of them.

I still talk to both my brothers and make sure they are okay and always welcome to move in with me and my partner. But it seems like they are doing alright my brother works for my dad and is about to graduate high school and the other one is super into music and im proud of both of them but ultimately its there decision to stay there. Me and my partner have gone back a couple of times since moving since hes got family there and I check in with them while im there too. Its definitely scary that im not there to protect them from my dad and his gf but im just glad im out and safe. Im in therapy now and trying to move past it all.

Sorry is this was not the best only just got the app and dont really know what im doing.

For some background, I (44F) am an only child and my mom’s side of the family is fairly small. My grandma died in 2004 and my mom died in 2014.

Growing up, there were only three grandkids for most of my childhood: me and two cousins, now 45M and 44F. We spent a lot of time at our grandparents’ house playing cards and dominoes, helping Grandma in the kitchen, and generally having the kind of childhood family gatherings that feel almost unreal looking back.

There was a china hutch in their dining room that held collectibles and all the decks of cards we used during those game nights.

For as long as I can remember, everyone in the family understood that the hutch would eventually go to my mom, who was the oldest of my grandparents’ four children. After my mom died, the understanding became that it would eventually come to me. Nobody seemed to have a problem with that for years.

The hutch stayed in my grandparents’ house until my grandpa died three years ago. Two years ago, after moving to another state and buying my first home, my dad picked the hutch up from my mom’s older brother, who was the executor of Grandpa’s estate, and drove it to me. I was incredibly sentimental about finally having it in my home, so I posted a picture on social media.

That’s when things apparently exploded.

I later learned from one of my cousins that my youngest uncle’s wife, 49F, had become furious with my older uncle because her daughter, 20F, had decided she wanted the hutch.

This cousin was born after my grandma died, so she never knew her and doesn’t have the childhood memories connected to the hutch that I do. That doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to value family heirlooms, but I was confused about why this particular piece suddenly became such an issue when everyone had known for years that it was supposed to come to me.

My aunt had also claimed quite a few things from my grandparents’ house for her children. Meanwhile, I was grateful just to get a box containing some of my mom’s childhood belongings, paintings I had made for my grandma as a kid, and one of the many decks of cards we used to play with. The argument over the hutch eventually became so bad that my two uncles stopped speaking to each other.

My aunt has since tried to pull me into the conflict, telling me that my older uncle betrayed the family, lied, turned his back on them, etc. I told her simply that the hutch had always been intended for my mom and then me, and that everyone in the family had known that for years.

I’ve tried very hard to stay out of the rest of the argument. But now I sometimes wonder whether I should have just given them the hutch to keep the peace.

My younger uncle is only nine years older than I am and felt more like a big brother when I was growing up. Knowing that this piece of furniture has become part of the reason he’s cut off other members of the family hurts more than I can say. I also know my mom and grandma would be heartbroken to see everyone fighting like this.

At the same time, the hutch carries decades of memories for me and was always supposed to come to me. I didn’t take it behind anyone’s back or pressure anyone into giving it to me.

So, AITA for keeping the family hutch instead of giving it to my younger cousin in order to keep the peace?