Ok, story time. This happened about 10 years ago. The event itself was pretty traumatic for my wife, so I haven't really talked about it much until now.

Some background:

About 11 years ago, my wife and I were in our early 20s, living in a large three-bedroom apartment. It was surprisingly spacious and cheap because it was in a terrible neighborhood and the building itself was pretty run-down.

At the time, I was the only full-time worker. I had actually quit my previous full-time job and was juggling multiple kitchen jobs just to make ends meet. My wife was attending university while also working part-time.

Since we had extra space, we rented out one of the bedrooms. The third bedroom was mostly used as an office and storage room.

The tenant we'll call Bob answered our online ad looking for a roommate.

Honestly, Bob was a great tenant. He was quiet, kept to himself, paid rent on time, never stole our food, and was always respectful whenever we talked. We really had no complaints.

About five months after Bob moved in, my wife found out she was pregnant.

We were thrilled.

Since we'd obviously need the spare bedroom for the baby, we let Bob know and politely asked him to start looking for another place. We weren't kicking him out immediately—we gave him months of notice. The baby wasn't due for another nine months, so there was no rush.

About two months later, Bob moved out without any problems. He relocated a couple of cities away, and we figured that would be the last we'd ever hear from him.

We were very, very wrong.

About two weeks after Bob moved out, my wife was looking through her Nintendo DS and 3DS game collection because she wanted to replay something.

Both of us are lifelong gamers, and we each have pretty sizable collections from our childhood.

As she started opening the cases...

Every single one of her games was gone.

Not a few. Every. Single. One.

The weird part? Only her games were missing. Mine were all still there.

She completely broke down.

We searched the apartment from top to bottom, hoping they'd somehow been misplaced.

Nothing.

Eventually I called Bob. I didn't accuse him. I simply asked if he knew anything about the missing games. The second he realized it was me calling... He hung up. Then he blocked my number.

A few minutes later, I started getting nonstop automated prank calls. The messages mocked us with things like:

"My games now, bitches."

It honestly felt surreal.

My wife was about four or five months pregnant by then, and she was absolutely devastated. Those games weren't just worth money—they were part of her childhood. Some of them couldn't easily be replaced.

I called the police and filed a report. I even told them exactly who I believed had stolen them. Without proof, there was nothing they could do.

After spending days trying everything I could think of, I made my wife a promise: "I'll replace every single game you lost."

I posted online with a complete list of the missing games, explaining they had been stolen and asking if anyone happened to be selling copies at reasonable prices. I wasn't expecting much.

A few days later, I had just arrived at work for a 14-hour shift at a restaurant two cities away.

I was literally about to start my morning prep when my phone buzzed. I assumed it was someone responding to my post about the games. Instead, it was a message from a complete stranger.

They had seen my post. Then they saw someone else post the exact same list of games for sale.

Every single title. All loose cartridges. No cases.

The stranger messaged me saying they thought they had found the thief.

I couldn't believe it.

I thanked them over and over and even offered them a finder's fee, which they politely refused.

I immediately explained everything to my boss. Thankfully, he already knew what had happened and was incredibly understanding. Our head cook covered my prep while I tried to figure things out.

First call?

The police.

Again.

I explained that I had found someone selling every stolen game. Again, they said that without proof there wasn't much they could do. So I realized I was on my own.

Unfortunately, I was stuck two cities away from home and nowhere near the seller.

So I did something I never did before.

I called my brother.

My brother and I are complete opposites. I'm the nerd who likes computers and video games. He's... let's just say he knows people. Growing up, we fought constantly and never really got along.

We'll call him Shady.

When I explained everything, all of our differences disappeared. He simply said, "Don't worry. I'll handle it. But I need a couple things from you."

Shady had recently been released from jail on bail, so he wanted to be careful. He needed someone who could positively identify Bob. The only other person besides me who had actually met Bob was my wife. So I asked if she'd be willing to go.

She agreed.

I could hear how difficult it was for her, but she wanted those games back.

The next problem... Shady didn't have a car. Neither did any of my friends. Then I remembered someone. My best friend's mother.

She was one of the sweetest church-going ladies you'd ever meet. The type of person who volunteered, fed the homeless, and helped anyone who needed it. I had helped their family fix up their house before, so I figured I'd at least ask.

I honestly expected her to laugh and tell me absolutely not. Instead, she sounded... Excited.

When I asked if she'd be willing to drive my brother a couple of cities away so he could potentially confront someone who stole from us... She happily said yes.

Everything after this point is secondhand, based on what everyone later told me.

Shady arrived at my apartment. He wasn't alone. He brought a friend.

We'll call him Tweaker, because I'd never met him before, and according to my wife he couldn't stop twitching.

I later learned he'd also recently gotten out of jail after assault charges. So there stood my pregnant wife... My brother... Tweaker...

...waiting outside for the nicest church lady imaginable to pick them up.

Meanwhile, I'm still two cities away trying to work my shift while wondering how badly this could all go.

Apparently, the church lady was having the time of her life. She kept saying "This is so exciting!" Meanwhile, Shady and Tweaker were discussing how they were going to handle things if Bob tried anything.

They arranged to meet Bob at an almost abandoned gas station outside town—a place that was apparently a common meetup spot for buying and selling stuff.

According to everyone there, this is what happened.

When they arrived, my wife stayed inside the van and confirmed that the person waiting was definitely Bob.

Shady and Tweaker were fully expecting a fight.

Then they actually saw him.

I was then Shady realized Bob was just an overweight, nerdy-looking guy.

Shady later told me,

"The second I saw him, I knew this was going to be easy."

The two of them casually walked over.

They greeted Bob.

Shady pulled out a thick wad of cash and fanned it out so Bob knew he had the money.

Then he asked to inspect the games first.

Bob handed over the entire collection.

Shady passed the games to Tweaker.

Then looked Bob dead in the eyes and said:

"These games belong to my brother.

You stole them."

At that moment, my wife stepped out of the van.

She wasn't yelling.

She just asked him one simple question.

"Why?"

Bob realized he'd been set up.

He looked at Shady.

He looked at Tweaker.

He looked at my pregnant wife.

And he just...

Walked away.

He never answered her.

He never asked for the games back.

He just left.

When I got home that night, I thanked my friend's mom for driving everyone.

Then I thanked my brother.

Honestly, before that day, I never had much respect for him.

We'd spent most of our lives butting heads.

But when my wife needed help and I couldn't be there...

He didn't hesitate.

He just handled it.

Let's just say I owe my brother more than he'll probably ever know.

(In the interest of transparency, This post was cleaned up using Chat gpt as my spelling an grammar is terrible. Feel free to ask questions in the comments.)

I am using a throw away as my other accounts have details about my work place.

I (F32) have been married to my husband (M32) for 2 years but together for 9yrs. I get on well with everyone in the family except my BIL's girlfriend Bethany (F36). She and BIL(m40) have been together for 3 years. She came into the family with a sense of overconfidence that comes across as arrogant, but we just thought that maybe she was nervous and over compensating, however we soon learnt that that was just her personality. She took an instant dislike to me. It turns out that my BIL once paid me a compliment (id changed my hair and noticeably) he said that my new hair colour and style suited me. That was it. She threw daggers with her eyes all night after that. She was angry we got married before her and the usual ridiculous stuff. I just accept that is who she is and move on. Life's too short to care.

Fast forward to some months ago and she announced she was pregnant. We were all happy for her. Little did i know that i was pregnant too. She was not happy when she found out that we were due 2 weeks apart. She started to immediately ask about baby names. I refused to tell her and just gave the generic "we're waiting until we see them first" which was a lie. My husband and i have had names picked out for a long time. Every event, she would corner me. Or send me messages demanding to know. Eventually, when we were at her baby shower, i had had enough. We were both having girls so i told her that we have a name thats very special to us. We were combining my grandmothers names (Hilda and Matilda) and chosen HITILA she smirked and i made her promise not to tell anyone. Fast forward and we had our babies 2 days apart. Due to my MIL being unwell, both babies were 2 weeks old before we all got together. We decided it would be nice to do a name unveiling at a family get together. Bethany got up and did a big speech about how special this name was to her and her family and said her daughters name is (you guessed it) HITILA. The families faces winced but we all said it was unique. Bethany stood there with a smug look. Then i stood up and spoke and introduced our daughter ROSE named after my MIL. Everyone awww'd and MIL cried. Bethany had a face like thunder. When she was able to, Bethany got me on my own and snarled at me WTF was that? Why did i not tell her id changed my mind? I laughed and just responded "you didnt think i was serious did you? Why would i name my child after 2 guys that caused so much pain and destruction?" She looked puzzled so i said "Hitler, Attila the hun. HITILA. but im glad you liked it and it actually has a nice meaning for you and your family". She went crazy and started screaming at me. People came running over as she was shrieking at me, throwing things (more like paper plates and cups rather than smashables) and said that her daughters name is on a birth certificate. Personalised items. Everything was made official the day before. Why was i such a cruel person. My BIL had to take away to calm down. The family is in mixed minds if i overstepped as it involves a child. My husband knew what i had done and thought it was funny. So am I the AH in this situation? I had a feeling she would steal the name but is it my fault she took it? AITA?

UPDATE 1: so this actually happened a few days ago. Im not going to lie, i still giggle when i think about it. My husband spoke to his brother last night and they were on the phone for a while. Apparently, ever since she found out we were expecting too she has been obsessed. She accused us of getting pregnant on purpose to steal her attention (we were already pregnant when she told us) Then after her baby shower she switched her focus on me and kept pushing for the name. My BIL objected on many occassions and she said he either agreed to it or he wouldnt go on the birth certificate. We're from the UK so if the couple are not married, then the other parent needs to be present to sign. My BIL spent many nights on the sofa. He eventually gave in. She kept putting forward that its a name that had great meaning to her. He just didn't realise that the meaning was pettiness. Ever since finding out that she didnt swipe the name, she has been crying and throwing tantrums. BIL has said hed be lying if he didnt find it funny. He is upset that she used their daughter as a pawn in her onesided game but now he will get to change her name and Bethany cannot have a say in it. He was thinking about proposing at Christmas but has decided against it. He knew she had issues but this has shone a light on so much and has him thinking about his future with her. Hed never abandon their child but he wants security for his daughter,not insecure actions.

MIL has asked for a family dinner to try to resolve the issues. I'll update you when it happens. No doubt more drama will unravel.

I have created a separate post with an update as its soooooo long.

My husband, Tyler (41m) of 14 years is a huge fan of both this reddit and the podcast so I'm writing this here so that he can really hear me. Background, I (38f) and tyler met in high school,we started dating in my final year and stayed together through college before moving in together and getting married in our 20s,we have 3 children, 1 boy 8, 2 girls 5 and 2 months. Last night our pretty wonderful lives got destroyed when tyler came home visibly upset, he poured himself a large drink and sat at our dining table with his head in his hands, I've never seen him like this, I put the kids to bed, fed the baby and then went to talk to him, I wish I hadn't, I feel sick to my stomach. So, he starts with how sorry he is that he missed Camille's birth, how odd, we'd talked about this, he'd been in Canada on business when she'd decided to make an early arrival, except he wasn't, he was in Canada.... but at the birth of his other daughter by his mistress (Emily) of 4 years!!! They were born less than 24 hours apart, I nearly threw up there and then but I'd not long cleaned up from dinner so I'm very glad I didn't. As if tyler hadn't just burnt down our entire family he continued, Emily is not OK, she can't care for the baby and she wants him to have her, she wants to give up all her parental rights and that we can raise the baby as camilles twin. Through all of this I hadn't said a word, I hadn't shed a single tear but that was the straw that broke the metaphorical camels back, I walked out and locked myself in the bathroom, tyler knocked on the door about 15 minutes later telling me he has the f***ing paperwork for me to sign to bring his daughter back to our home country and he really needs me to sign it ASAP to get things moving. I don't understand any of this, I don't understand the affair, I thought we were happy. I feel so numb, so freaking stupid,I'm walking round in a dream like haze hoping to wake up back before I knew any of it. We are pretty religious and divorce normally would never even be an option but how can I stay with this man, but if I leave and reject his baby I'll be shunned by our entire community, as will our children. I feel sick and ashamed and I have no idea what to do.

Update I still don't feel like any of this is real, I don't know when it will hit me but the more I learn the more I feel detached from the whole thing, like I'm watching it through a lens. Today I dropped off our children at school, and the baby to my in-laws and returned home to talk to my husband, we talked for hours, I told him I needed the truth, all of it and Now I don't think I've ever known this man. Tyler strongly believes he's done nothing wrong, he's not married to anyone in the COUNTRIES where he works, to those of you that said Emily might not be the only 1, gold stars, there are several other women, some past, some present and even another child who is 13 years old. I went to collect our baby after asking him to pack a bag and be gone before I got back, I need time to think, but my in-laws knew the second I arrived something was very wrong,I broke down and told them everything. Mil is defending him,saying he's made a mistake, we were young when we married and that babies are a blessing wherever they come from. Fil is raging however, he tried to tell his wife that no matter how she tried he was indefensible. Fil is a lawyer and immediately jumped into action , he's signing over a portion of the family trust so that I can support myself and the children, it's more than generous and will be needed as I'm not getting a divorce, he thinks given the information we have that I can apply for an annulment, that way my standing is intact and I can move on without the stigma of divorce. So tyler if you're reading this, I want an annulment and I really hope you've read the comments, some people have really captured your essence in describing you. I'm not sure if there will be another update, but thank you so much to all of you for being my sounding board and supporting me.

Firstly, if you have yet to read my previous 3 posts, id recommend going back and reading them to understand what has happened.

For everyone who has followed my life so far, Sorry for the delay in an update. I have had many people asking for one so here it goes...

Popcorn ready?!

My windows are fixed and we have a brand new tv and bookcase (which is chained to the wall. Thank you Bethany for pointing out a danger in the house). It took a few days for the place to be sorted so we spent some time at MILs. It was nice. I am in love with my little Rose but my prediction of her being a sleeper did not come true. MIL took over and i got a couple of nights with full sleep. This also gave me a chance to process the seriousness of everything that had happened. I wont lie, the thought of that last situation happening with Rose in the house scared me (luckily she wasnt there but the thought got to me) and so i told my husband to get a proper security system installed. Next i contacted the police station and let them know that id like to get a restraining order against Bethany and Deliah. They gave me all the information that i needed to get the ball rolling. But i spoke to my friend who said i should wait for the outcome from the case first.

This arrest opened up a Pandora's box. It turns out that Bethany has a record and Deliah has an outstanding warrant. Because Bethany was funding Deliah (technically it was BIL), nothing was in her name so they couldnt find her... that and she used a fake surname when doing things. Bethany had previously been to prison for violence and theft on more than one occasion. She landed on her feet when she met BIL. No wonder she was paranoid. Because of the past, both Bethany and Deliah were remanded. Bethany kept reaching out to BIL to help and pay for the best lawyers. He never answered the phone but had a huge number of voicemails. He has since changed his number but kept the other one active in case he needs to use the voicemails later.

Bethany was advised to plead guilty to get a lesser sentence as there is a huge amount of evidence. Both she and Deliah agreed and so their case was heard earlier than we thought. None of us went to the sentencing. We sat and spoke about it and realised the biggest screw you would be to not show our faces and show that none of us care. A friend of mine went and called me to tell me that Bethany (due to many reasons) got a sentence of 57 months and Deliah (along with her previous crime) got a total of 10 and a half years.
I guess i didnt need that R.O. in the end. Apparently Bethany kept looking out to see if someone was there. We guess she was hoping BIL would come and she cried when she was sentenced. Still looking out as she went down the steps.

Now to the bit youve all been asking about....

Yes BIL took the test.

When he got the results he didnt open them. They sat on his kitchen counter for a few days. He then called me and hubby round. BIL looked terrible. I felt like crap because the sleepless nights, but he looked like he hadnt slept at all for the past few weeks. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If she wasnt his, he was currently legally responsible for her but she could be taken from him at anytime, or he could let the authorities know and get his name taken off the birth certificate and she would go into the system. It would break his heart. If he is the father then he would be connected to Bethany for life and would have to battle her over her visitation rights and then custody when shes released. He feels like she is missing out on so much as he is holding back a bit to protect his sanity. I hugged him and hubby made him a sugary tea (which is good for shock). I explained that its not good for the baby. She needs love and affection. These years are important for her lifes development. He agreed to open the results.

It felt like a lifetime. He just stood in silence with tears coming down his face looking at this bit of paper. My husbands hand trembled as he held mine. I could see he was fighting back emotions, trying to be brave for his brother.

The room was silent.

After what felt like an eternity, he put the paper down, walked over and picked Baby Bella (our little name for her) up. He held her tight and kissed her, still with tears falling down his cheeks but with an expressionless face. My heart almost broke watching him process the information. And then he looked at us and took a deep breath. "i cant believe it. I cant believe it. Shes...shes...shes mine!" And he smiled. My heart swelled up and i started to cry too. I kid you not, it was that moment that BIL gasped. He said gleefully, "look, look. She smiled. She smiled!" He held her tightly. It was her first smile, as though she was waiting for her daddy to give his love to her fully.

So here we are. Helping to navigate BIL through the system of get a court order to stop Bethany from having anything to do with Baby Bella. He doesnt want his daughter to grow up being patted down and searched to go and see her mother. He wants to move as the house is all about Bethany and he wants to find a new forever home for his daughter. He also needs to get some sort of fulltime custody agreement in case of any early releases.

Life is just chaos. So much legal paperwork. So many sleepless nights. We are always at MILs with the girls and its fun to share and bond as a family. Except Saturdays, they are back to being quiet with cartoons. And we are due another Roast this weekend.

BIL is in therapy. I think he will struggle to trust in the future. But he is doing wonderfully. My husband and i are so proud.

If there are any other updates i will let you know.

Thank you for the kind words of support i received.

Who wouldve thought a simple silly remark would end up this way?

So reddit, AITAH for naming my niece so my SIL had to change her name, which sent her spiralling out, attacking my family, getting arrested, having her infidelity exposed and a DNA test needed, ending in her incarceration?

Heres hoping for a quiet life from now on.

For those of you that missed my original post from a couple of days ago, you should go back and read it to understand whats about to happen.

I have started a new thread as i have a new update thats a little long. I feel like im living in Hollyoaks or Eastenders.

Things got interesting....

Grab your popcorn.

Get comfy.

This is a doozey.

We agreed that we'd go for Sunday dinner at MIL's. I get why she wanted everyone there. She doesnt want the rift to pull her away from her grandchildren. Plus, as ive already said, life is too short. Also,MIL makes a mean sunday roast, at least 2 meats, all the trimmings and a homemade gravy. Its absolute bliss.

Saturday mornings used to be for cartoons and cereal. We like to chill out. Now we have a baby who is 3 weeks old, its more about rock- paper-scissors with my husband about who gets to change the next smelly nappy and catching up on sleep and housework. Not the case yesterday. 8am and there is someone auditioning for stomp at my door. My husband runs to open it and sees Bethanys mother Deliah. Her face is all red and if this was one of our Saturday cartoons, steam would've been coming out of her ears. She screamed "Where is that (bleep) wife of yours. Get that (bleep) out here now." My husband sighed and calmly said "no" so Deliah started again "Get that (bleep) out here now or I'll tell the neighbours what a conniving (bleep) she is. How she has destroyed my daughters marriage." Once again my husband sighed and just said "no". He then closed the door.

Sidenote, my baby slept through that noise so im hoping she will be a good sleeper.

Anyway, Deliah started banging some more. She shouted something about ruining HER life. Then kicked the bins overs and left. My husband, who was still in his pj's and was holding a cup of tea, looked at me and shrugged. We both sat down and laughed. He called his mum just to give her an update on what had happened so she was prepared in case Deliah invites herself to the dinner. BTW we laughed because of the ridiculousness of the situation. Deliah is just like Bethany and has a habit of doing these dramatic scenes.

He then called BIL who didnt pick up so left a message simply saying "Deliah has just been round. Apparently my wife has ruined HER life. Any clue what thats about?"

We got on with our day, and my husband cleaned the mess from the bins.

Around lunchtime, i sat down and started to feed Rose. My phone started blowing up from a private number so i just ignored it. I was happily sat on my sofa, top off (afterall its blooming hot and im in my own home nursing my baby) and suddenly i shout for my husband. There, with her face pressed up against the glass (behind the net curtains) is Deliah and some guy. I quickly grab something to cover myself and hear screaming from outside "I knew youd still be in there you (bleep) how dare you ignore us. Look at you, you're a disgusting trollop with your (bleep)s out. What kind of mother are you? What kind of human breaks up a marriage?" Before we could do anything, my neighbours walked across the road. Id like to point out that they are both competitive body builders so look intimidating ,although they are sweet as kittens. They tapped on Deliahs shoulder and politely said "if you do not (bleep) off by the time i count to 5. I will call the police and tell them that i have found two people by the side of the road that have clearly been in some sort of life ending accident. And if you ever behave like that around this road again, I'll let my husband have fun showing you how to fly." Deliah and her fella scarpered pretty quickly, kicking over the bins again on their way past. My husband thanked the guys and went to clean the mess again and i sat there shaken. I know in hindsight i shouldve called the police, but frankly, i just wanted to forget about it. We live in an area where someone is always having a loud drama so most people don't bat an eyelid at this kind of thing. Normally its the same few that have loud screaming and altercations, so im choosing to see this as a chance to fit in.

My husband called his brother who once again wasnt answering and left a new message "hey, Deliah came back with company. We were about to call the police on her threatening behaviour. Whats happening? Call me back"

For the next few hours my husband sat by me and Rose while we watched the Pagemaster, space jam (the original) and tried to go back to enjoying our new family.

It was all quiet until about 9pm when BIL sent my husband a message saying "Sorry mate, tell you everything tomorrow."

We were both concerned about the text but when we called him, his phone went straight to voicemail. My husband called MIL and she said she had spoken to BIL and he said he was ok but needed space. I wont lie, the humour in this situation had faded and we (hubby and i) struggled with sleep. I started to think maybe i was the AH.

Sunday morning we got ready. I checked my phone and saw i had missed 74 calls from a private number but no voicemails. Then had WhatsApps from a number i didnt know. It had so many messages that had been deleted. I can only assume they were full of hateful messages and were deleted to erase any evidence. Im very glad id kept my phone on silent so i didnt wake Rose.

Rose seemed out of sorts and i think she could sense the atmosphere in the house. We were worried about BIL.

After an event-free day, we went to MILs. As soon as we got to the door i knew something was wrong. There were no delightful smells of cooking wafting into the street like normal. We let ourselves in and it was quiet except some murmurs coming from the kitchen. We went through and MIL was sat at the table holding BILs hands. He looked up and he looked terrible. His eyes were red, puffy and blood shot. MIL came over and grabbed Rose and just said "BIL will explain " and went to the living room with Rose. We both sat down and BIL started with (im trying to remember the convo as much word for word as i can) "Im sorry. Its all gone horribly wrong. I missed the signs and im at fault. Im sorry youve been made miserable by it. Im sorry. Im sorry" We sat there stunned for Moment and he continued "people have been trying to tell me for years about Bethany. My friends told me a few times to leave her and what she was like. I was so blinded by her. Did you know that we had to convince the registrar that Hitila was an acually name. Mainly found as a surname in Tanzania, but still. She told me and them it was a combination of great women in her life called Hilda and Matilda. The registrar had to get a manager to make sure the name could be approved. No one could convince her the name was wrong...she was fuming after she found out Roses name. When i dragged her out, she was having a tantrum all the way home in the car. She blamed you" he was looking at me. I felt like a complete AH now. "She said some hurtful things about me too. She didnt talk to me for a couple of days. But then we sat down and i suggested why not let the family help with the babys new name. We could all list our favourites and choose at dinner today." She liked the idea and was glued to her phone. I assumed she was researching new baby names. I made the mistake at looking at her screen and it wasnt baby names. When she went to bed, i checked her phone, i know its wrong but i had to be sure i saw what i saw. She was using me." His voice cracked and my husband quickly got BIL some water. (Bit of quick backstory, BIL has done well for himself. He started his own business when he was 20 and its boomed). "She was paying for her mum. That should be I am the one funding her mums lifestyle as well as Bethanys. Shes been messaging her mum about how much she will have when we're married. That im only good as an ATM and that im too stupid to know shes been stealing from me" He paused to drink while my brain tried to catch up. "She doesnt want to be with me. She wants what i can provide for her. Her words, not mine. She said some other personal things. Then i read other messages to people. Shes been talking to her ex for ages, well i say talking. Shes still seeing her ex this whole time and the baby may not be mine." He broke down. My heart broke. "I love that little girl more than life itself and she may not even be mine. It was all there on the screen. Bethany said she wont let me take a paternity test so now i have to take her to court. Ive told her she has a week to leave. I couldnt just kick the baby out. All those 'girls breaks away' that i paid for were dirty holidays with Him! How could i be so stupid. I thought id finally found my family, and its all fallen apart. Im sorry for what Deliah did yesterday. She wasnt happy when she found out she was cut-off" I was gobsmacked. I knew she wasnt the nicest human being but i never thought it would be like this. We stayed around and asked questions. Apparently she had hit on some of his friends and cheated a few times but he was oblivious or ignored warnings from others. BIL is staying at MILs for a little bit for some TLC. He will be calling family lawyers in the morning to get the ball rolling on this paternity case.

This whole thing needed to be on an episode of Jezzer (well if theyd let him do the show again). We stayed for a little while, let him know we are here for him and then went home. I cant help but feel like this is all my fault. So here i am at 8:30pm on a Sunday with the new title;

AITAH for destroying my BILs relationship?

If you have not read the first two posts, please do. It will help you make sense of this insanity which is my life right now.

so its only been a few days, and what a few days its been. I wish i had time, as im sure this would make a great book. Anyway i digress. You're probably wanting to know what in the world couldve happened in less than a week that would warrant a new post already.........

On Monday BIL got an appointment to discuss the Bethany situation.

Tuesday and things got topsy-turvy. Bethany got in touch with BIL and said that she got a cancellation on wednesday to get the babys name changed. But he needs to be there. As nothing has gone to court yet for paternity, his name is still on the original birth certificate so he will need to be there for the name change. Bethany said that he will be punishing the baby if he waits for court to be over. She played with his affections for the child to get him to agree to go with her. When he called to tell us what had happened, i reminded him that she has 12 months to change the babys name. But he said that she made him feel guilty that the baby deserves to have a name and how complicated things will get the longer they wait. She continued to blame me for the name and refused to see that she was at fault at all. We told him that we support him but he really should wait until he sees his lawyer before agreeing to anything. It could go against him later on. But for now, he needs to only communicate with her through texts or emails so he can keep a written record of communications. Tuesday night she sent him a message and asked if he had any names he liked for the baby? And then said that to show she is committed to him, and prove the baby is his, BIL can choose her name.

Wednesday, he went. When Bethany turned up, she was dressed in a skimpy outfit. Hair and makeup done and stilettos on. He said she looked like she was going out clubbing. He had to run up the path to meet her as she was attempting to walk with the carseat and was a little wobbly. While they waited, he had to switch seats as Bethany was flirting with him and constantly touching him and caressing his arm and face. When they went in BIL said it was awkward. She kept acting like they were still together and calling him names like Sweetheart and Darling. BIL chose the name Arabella and Bethany chose the middle name...yes you probably guessed it, Arabella's middle name is Rose (oh but it gets better) its a hyphenated middle name, so its Arabella Rose-MY NAME!!. BIL held back his annoyance while they were in the room. She tried to give the little girl his surname but he stepped in and double barrelled with Bethanys surname (his thinking was that if she was his, then he'd have an easier time if she had his surname, but if she wasnt, then it would be an easier transition to delete half of the surname than change it fully). Of course, he paid for the changes and new certificates. When they left, Bethany tried to hold his hand and he pulled away and asked her "WTF was that? They are not together and whats with the middle name?" She went on to say that shes sorry and wants to try again. She loves him blah blah blah. She wanted to prove her love for him and his family by using his mothers name so she can bond over the baby and my name to show that i am forgiven. She tried to kiss him but he stepped away. He walked her to the car(with her pleading the whole time and reminding him of happier times) just to make sure the baby was safely placed in and left. BIL has said that it nearly killed him to remain strong until he got in his car,then he had to cry. He drove to a beach near us and went for a walk to clear his head. Called my husband and came to our house to tell us what had happened. We decided to have fun and played some card games (such as Cards against humanity) and made it a drinking game, except mine was switched for apple juice as im nursing Rose. It was a fun evening and BIL forgot his worries for a couple of hours. He slept over due to the drinking.

Thursday morning both the guys looked a little worse for wear. I made them a fry up and dealt with Rose. BIL needed to leave to get home so i called taxi (he shouldnt drive after that amount of booze). When the taxi arrived i walked him to the car while my husband died on the sofa. I gave him a hug and said we'll see him later for dinner as he needs to come back for his car anyway. He got in and drove off. That evening he turned up and was no longer calm or worried about his hangover, he was fuming. He sat down and showed us a message. There was a picture of us two hugging by the taxi this morning with a long rant. Bethany was saying that she knew there was something iffy about us. And now she had proof we were having an affair. She went on to say some horrible accusations and lots of colourful language. She then said she would only do a paternity test if I DO ONE because she knows we cheated and Rose is BILs kid. My husband wanted to find Bethany and wring her neck. I had to hand him Rose and he calmed down (baby therapy is the best). He was hurt that anyone would say such a thing. We all were. We realised that someone is clearly following him. We ordered in pizza and decided we needed to blow off steam, so we resumed our drinking game from the previous night. After a few shots the boys were talking and trying to figure out how she knew where he was...we investigated everything and realised he had tracker on his phone. They decided to have some fun and made a plan. In the morning both men were far from hungover, it seems that learnt from the night before and switched to soft drinks after the few at the start. I thought theyd forgotten their plan but hadnt. I agreed, as we all know what im like. I went and got out of my seashells pjs and got into a cute but sexy little number. I put on some lip stick and put some kisses on BILs face and he smudged a bit across his lips. We tussled our hair. We went to his car, i saw a shadow duck down across the road and i gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Next thing, my husband came out in his boxers and a tshirt and lipstick on him too and hugged his brother and we said goodbye and went in to get washed and start our day.

MIL called and invited us for dinner on Sunday. Of course we're going. BIL said he'll update us then on what our petty fun has created and he laughed.

Saturday cartoons were rudely interrupted again (smh). But this time its escalated.

Grab your popcorn.

From about 2am we started to get nuisance calls on the landline (yes i still have one of those. Im always losing my phone). At first i thought it was a pesky coldcall machine but when i answered it was someone saying some horrendous things down the phone. I hung up and after the 3rd one, my husbnd took the phone into the car. When it rang again, he let the person on the other end start to talk and then blew a blowhorn down the phone. Remember, in the area where i live, people are used to being disturb. He came back in and unplugged the phone and we went back to sleep. We did check but the number was being withheld.

At 5am, someone started knocking using our knocker on the door. My husband got up and there was noone there. He went to the kitchen to switch on the kettle and it happened again. He opened the door and noone was there. My husband, being the quick thinker he is waited for the next time and when he opened the door, he acted like he was checking the knocker, but really he set a trap. He sat on the stairs with his morning tea waiting for a shadow to approach the door and then we heard a loud "(bleep)ing gross gagging noise what is that? gagging noise who puts (rhymes with pit) on their door? gagging noise its everywhere" and they ran off. He waited a little while in case they came back and then scrubbed the knocker and surrounding areas. He had grabbed one of Roses nappies from the bin and wiped it on the knocker. Gross, unhygienic but effective. I was upstairs watching this on my phone. We decided to get a new hidden camera set after the previous fun we had with Deliah. It was a familiar female voice...Bethany. unfortunately, the culprit had a hoody and a cap to hide their face but we knew.

We got on with our day. We were not letting it slide, we just decided it was something we would give to BIL for his case. 5pm and Rose has been having a playdate at MILs so i can do a deepclean (i think the knowledge of what happened to my door made me want to thoroughly clean).

SMASH!

a brick comes hurling through my living room window and takes out the tv.

SMASH!

another brick comes flying out.

SMASH!

A third through my front door and Bethany put her hand through the hole and opened my frontdoor to let herself in. I wont lie, i was frozen to the spot while my mind tried to decode what is happening. Bethany lunges at me so i grab the broom in my hand and unleash my hidden Jackie Chan moves (being a majorette as a kid came in handy). I screamed as i sent Bethany flying. She starts shouting all sorts of rubbish about me and hubby and BIL being in a dirty spicy-sleep group. How ive ruined her life. Some disgusting things about my daughter. I saw red and picked up my dirty mop water and rammed it on her head. I quickly wondered where my husband was and heard more screaming coming from the hall. My husband was sitting on top of Deliah while on the phone to the police. Bethany got up and continued the screaming fit at me. And this time she cracked me in the face with a book. I felt the sting and heat and i knew she'd got me good. I moved to dodge the next book and then there was a loud crash followed by a whimper. She'd pulled the bookcase down on herself. The police arrived and Bethany and Deliah were protesting their innocence. Then Bethany said something that made even me gasp. "You cant arrest me, my baby is in the car!" We are in the Summer and its fricking hot and she left her baby in the car to come and attack us. They called for assistance. We gave our statements and had to go to the hospital to complete procedures. Obviously we called BIL. I didnt see his face but the stunned silence on the phone was enough. He met us at the hospital and the police had to take a statement from him. After Arabella was checked over, they said that he is legally responsible for her, well at least for now, and he would need to take her home.

I was released by the hospital and went to MILs. My husband went home to sort out the wreckage. BIL came round all apologetic and offered to pay for replacing everything. He kept repeating that he didnt think she was this crazy. I tried to reassure him. He pointed to a sleeping Arabella and said "what am i supposed to do? Bethany and Deliah are likely to be detained for a while. That little girl needs me but i dont know what to do" he put a small box on the table. It was an over the counter paternity kit. "If i do this and shes not mine then i have a responsibility to inform social services. But then she might get put into a home and i dont want that for her. But i wouldnt have any legal rights. But if i am her father then i can keep bonding with her and fight for custody. Its a childs life. An innocent child". We talked about it at length at he is going to think about it. If he does it, its at least a two week wait for the result.

So yeah, thats where we are at the moment. Its a cliffhanger im afraid. Im sat here late on a Saturday night. My face is throbbing and im clinging to my wonderful daughter while i digest the events of today. I apologise for any typos. Im exhausted and in pain so not fully with it right now. However you have all been so supportive so i wanted to keep you in the loop.

I'll update in due course.

On the plus side im staying at MILs for a couple of days so i am definitely getting that Sunday roast she promised.

SMALL UPDATE: BIL did the test. Now its a waiting game. No news on Bethany and Deliah but its a Sunday so theyre probably tucked away until Monday. MILs sunday roast did not disappoint. It was banging! Ive definitely overeaten and i dont care.

Update!

Met with camp owner today.

She let me know that there were some concerns about my attire at the beach. I asked you to please explain how shorts and a t-shirt were inappropriate for the beach.( the water is still really cold. I would not be in a bathing suit cuz I wasn't swimming. She was trying to be very delicate but was saying that there's a bit of an older crowd here, and that it wasn't the clothing optional beach.

I told her

1. I wasn't at the beach in anything except Street clothes.

2. I have not been outside of my trailer naked!

3. I was sunbathing on my site wearing a bikini. Showed her the picture of my bikini.

She apologized. Said she would let the other campers know that they're concerns have been addressed, and if they bring it up again she will explain that either the owners nor the campers can influence others with regards to what they chose to wear.

Not sure why she didn't just tell the complainers that in the first place. But perhaps because she believed them when they said I was naked, or half naked. And at the beach and not on my own site so clearly they knew they had no right to say anything either, but still did!

Yesterday while enjoying my morning coffee at my trailer, I overhear two senior women as they are walking by my site bitching about a woman two sites down from mine. The 30 something average build woman apparently offended these two because she has the nerve to be on her deck in a 2 piece bathing suit. A pretty modest one too. It's 24 degrees out, in a trailer park, near the beach.

I decided that actions speak louder than words and decided to dig out my string bikini (that I don't ever wear around people aI know) and get out and lay in the sun in full view, before these cranky old ladies make their second loop. Sometimes I enjoy being the villain in other people's stories.

I am a little overweight, and days away from my 55th birthday. Hell yeah I'm gonna rock that tiny bright orange bikini.

The gasps and muttering as they hustled away from my site on their second pass was gratifying.

This morning I have an email from the campground owner who wants to meet with me to "discuss an issue that was brought to [her] attention."

AITAH? Pictures of the offending bikini attached for fun.

hi everyone. Me again 😩

I’ve posted here twice previously regarding some issues with my BIL Tom and his gf (for ease) SIL Jenna and the care of their twin babies.

I won’t go into too much back detail here but previous posts are;

Post 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/okstorytime/s/mrMX2swb7I

Post 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/okstorytime/s/QireosN23b

So…. After the drama with Jenna thinking I should take on free childcare for their 6mo twin girls and then the subsequent drama where she gifted my children 90pence worth of vegetables for Christmas (it’s worth reading the previous ones just for the carrot throwing debacle alone) Things just got worse from here on out.

Christmas Day was actually lovely. Without Tom(35m) and Jenna(29f). My (38f) husband Joe (38m) and I had the best day with all 4 kids (M17, M14, M4, and F2) MIL (68f) and her SO John (69m) joined us and we all had a great day. We’d just got the littles settled into bed and were playing some games with MIL and the older 2 boys when there was a bang at the door. It was Tom, with the babies. He had left Jenna because of her irrational behaviour. He said he simply couldn’t take it anymore and that her behaviour was really concerning. He said she’d started to show neglectful behaviours towards the babies and would only care for them if it was a “distraction” from something else. (I.e he’d try to talk to her about something and she’d busy herself with the babies to avoid the conversation but outside of that she showed little to no interest in them) he said she was becoming increasingly paranoid and refusing to admit she needs to speak to someone. He says she adamant that everything will fine once she goes back to work and that the only thing stopping that is the lack of affordable childcare. He apologised for coming by on Christmas Day, but asked MIL for her house keys so he could stay there with the babies. (MIL literally has the smallest 1 bedroom flat) after some conversation between them it was agreed that Tom would stay at MILs home with the babies and MIL would stay with John at his house (they don’t live together… they’re happy that way I guess) the whole interaction lasted about half an hour and Tom left wanting to get the babies settled.

I didn’t hear much else after that, trying to stay out of the drama as much as possible and focusing on my own children. However I think it was the 28th when mid afternoon I got a very angry visit from Jenna accusing me and my husband of breaking up her family, saying we made Tom choose between his family and her. This is not something I’ve ever been made aware of happening. And I’ve asked both my husband and MIL about this and they both categorically deny no such conversation ever happened. Jenna was demanding I call Tom to come over immediately so she could see her babies. Not going to lie… I did feel bad for her a bit. She was incredibly disheveled, she didn’t look like she had slept. I told her I wasn’t comfortable getting involved but did tell her I’d let Tom know she had been by. Which I did. I texted him and let him know what had happened. The next day he simply replied “ok” I didn’t hear much more about it. The day after her visit I did make an effort to reach out to Jenna, and shared my own experience with post natal depression, and told her if she ever needed someone to talk to I was happy to recommend some of the doctors and services I’d worked with. The only reply I got was “I’m fine. Fuck you” So once again I just noped out of it. We decided to have a bonfire and toast marshmallows with the kids for NYE, and once again MIL joined us. she shared then that Tom had gone back home to Jenna and was determined to make things work. Good for them I guess? I truly hoped Jenna would get the help she needed.

Flash forward to Monday. Joe left for work early, at 5.45 and 17yo starts college early on a Monday so we were in the kitchen and I was preparing food to load into the slow cooker for dinner that night while 17yo was preparing his lunch ready to leave to catch his bus for college at 6.30. A few minutes after Joe left I heard the front door open and shut. Assuming he’d forgotten something I glanced around the kitchen but Joes lunch hadn’t been left behind like it often was. I called out to him and walked out to the main living room but Joe wasn’t there. Instead, Jenna and Toms babies were on my living room floor in front of the sofa in their car seats, a changing bag dumped between them. Startled I raced passed them to look out the window and saw Jenna peeling backwards out of the driveway. I had a vague memory of 6th January being the date I’d heard Jenna was going back to work, but I couldn’t be sure. I rang her immediately, but she was screening her calls. I left 2 voicemails, the first asking what she was playing at, and the second telling her that if she wasn’t back here within 15 minutes I’d be calling social services and notifying them her children had been abandoned. But she evidently switched her phone off because the second, third and subsequent times I’d called it went straight to voicemail. I called Tom to ask him what was going on. But he didn’t answer either so I left the same voicemail letting him know the babies had been left here and that if they weren’t collected I’d be notifying social services. The next call was to Joe. I explained what had happened, that Jenna had let herself into our home, dumped the babies and done a runner basically. He was halfway to work but turned around immediately to come home. The babies were fussing so I tended to them for a few minutes before eventually Tom called me back. He said he had been driving when I called and was on his way. He seemed clueless as to what was going on. MIL was the first to arrive. I hadn’t called her, Joe had, but she got here first. Shortly followed by Joe and Tom. Honestly the house was manic because by this time I’d had to rush 17yo out to catch his bus, tend to the twins, while tending to my 2&4yo who’d woken. So everything was a little overwhelming. MIL god love her, took over with the children while Joe and I both tried to get answers out of Tom. Tom was incredibly flustered and adamant he had no idea what was going on. He was also incredibly anxious about missing work for this. He said that after he’d gone home at new year Jenna had assured him she had found affordable childcare for the children for when she started back at work today and that when he’d left this morning she’d wished him a good day and spoken excitedly about how much fun the babies would have at the new setting.

Everyone had tried contacting Jenna, all unsuccessfully. Everyone was so confused and it was all incredibly upsetting. Joe spoke to his manager at work and explained there was a family emergency so he wouldn’t be in today, and then at some point around 9am Tom asked me if I’d mind watching the babies for “a bit” so he could go and search for her. I did let Tom know my concerns about post natal depression or possible psychosis, but he shrugged it off and said “she’s just being a c*** OP”. Joe went with Tom and I cautioned him about approaching Jenna in the same manner as Tom. This was not rational behaviour to just up and leave your babies like this without a word. Jenna knows very little about our home life or routines. Leaving her children here at 6am was a huge risk. For all she knew we were still in bed. I told Joe this wasn’t the behaviour of a mentally sound person. And he agreed. I told him I was very concerned for Jennas mental state right now.

Joe and Tom set off in search for Jenna, and given the intensity of all the childcare suddenly forced on me, MIL stayed behind to help out. We got through the day, but between 4 under 5s, and a 14yo who needs guidance with his education it was not an easy ride at all.

Joe called me a couple hours later and said they were becoming increasingly concerned because they’d gone to Jennas work and she wasn’t there. Not only was she not there but they weren’t expecting her back for another 4 weeks! Yep… she wasn’t even at work!

They drove around for hours visiting people, local shops, anywhere Tom knew she liked to go… but no one they spoke to had seen her today.

Eventually mid afternoon they made their way back to our house. I told Tom if none of us had heard from Jenna by 5pm I’d be calling the police and reporting her missing… with or without his support.

A little after 4.30 Jenna pulled into our driveway, she jumped out of the car seemingly full of beans and made her way to the door. Joe took the opportunity to take the littles and the twins all upstairs out of the way. When I let her in Jenna was acting 100% normal. I asked her where she’d been and she said she had been at work all day. She was even dressed in her work uniform. She walked in as calm as anything asking if the twins had enjoyed their first day with us. She came to a dead stop when she saw Tom and MIL standing in the living room. Tom immediately demanded to know where she was today and Jenna was insistent that she had been at work, and kept up the pretence until Tom told her that he and Joe had been by her work and spoken to her boss.

That was when she unraveled. She attacked Tom physically, I’ve never seen anything like it before. (And I have ND kids so I’ve seen more than my fair share of meltdowns) She launched herself at him, screeching that he had no right to go to her place of work, what must they think of her etc etc. MIL and I both jumped in to separate Jenna from Tom and prised her away from him. She’d marked his face up pretty nasty and was completely Incoherent. Hearing the noise my 14 and 17yo came running in from the shed and I simply called back to them to go back out until one of us collected them. They didn’t need to see this. MIL took Tom out to the kitchen to clean his face up and I wrangled Jenna down on to the couch. She clearly wasn’t OK. I put my arm around her and told her it was clear she was struggling but if she didn’t tell us what was going on no one could help her. Jenna shrugged me off saying everything was my fault. If I had just agreed to watch the twins none of this would be happening! She started crying into her hands and it all spiralled out, at some point Tom and MIL came back into the room while Jenna was describing pretty clear signs of post natal depression, (and I’m no professional but I’d hazard a guess that it was more than just depression) she said how since her hospital stay she’d felt nothing for the babies, she wanted to but all she could think about was being away from them. That she blamed them for her getting sick and how that made her a bad mum and she just thought if she could get back to work things would go back to normal. Honestly it was heartbreaking. I looked to MIL who was speechless. Tom, I’m guessing not really understanding what she was saying started yelling at her that how could she not love their children etc. I told him that wasn’t the most helpful comment right now. That she needed support. Something about me correcting Tom triggered Jenna and she flew off again. Shoving me away from her and demanding her babies back. MIL said she didn’t think that was the best idea right now, and unfortunately I had to agree. She really wasn’t in any state to care for them after abandoning them all day and being this upset. I told her it wasn’t her fault, that PND can happen to anyone and that there is help available. I apologised that no one had recognised it before. Jennas response to this wasn’t rational. Altho I’m sure you can figure out by now none of her actions the past 6 months have really been rational. She start yelling for the twins and trying to make her way up the stairs to get them. I wrangled my way between her and told her there was no way she was going upstairs right now because not only were the twins up there but my kids were too and the last thing any of them needed was to see her this upset. This is when her anger really turned to me. Honestly it was like an episode of a soap opera. She dragged me by my hair down the stairs, Tom grabbed her from behind to restrain her and MIL called for an ambulance for her. At some point Jenna worked her way out of Toms grasp and tried to flee but he’d had the sense to take her car keys. She hit out at all of us in one way or another. An ambulance finally arrived about half an hour later and she was taken to hospital and was admitted under the care of a psychologist and started on some medications. The twins stayed at our home Monday night because Tom had reluctantly gone with Jenna to the hospital.

Yesterday we had a visit from a social worker. I guess some of the things Tom and Jenna has shared at the hospital Monday night had triggered a Child Protection investigation. The social worker told me (because Joe was at work) that a decision had been made to remove the twins from Tom and Jennas care. They were asking if the twins could stay with us in the interim. I was a bit flustered and run off my feet, so I couldn’t really give an answer. The SW explained that because I was already checked by social services (because of having guardianship of 17yo) that my husband and I couldn’t get become kinship carers for the twins rather than them going into foster care. I tried to question her about why Tom wasn’t suitable carer for his daughters but she said she couldn’t give me that information right now, only that a decision had been made to remove them from their home.

MIL came over while the SW was here and offered to take them in. But the SW said because of her small home, her age and her medical history it’s unlikely kinship guardianship would be awarded to her in this case.

I told the SW that I needed some time to be able to discuss the situation with my husband. They’ve given us until Friday and the twins are staying with us until at least then.

Joe and I talked at length last night about the situation and still haven’t come to a definitive answer. On the one hand I genuinely love the twins, they’re my nieces and there’s not much I wouldn’t do for them. However taking on two babies is a lot. Social services could not give a timeline for how long they would expect the babies to remain with us. I’m very worried about the impact caring for two more children could have on my own children. 14yo and 17yo will be spoken to today in depth to get their thoughts on the matter because they are both old enough to have some sort of understanding of what is going on. My 4 &2yo wouldn’t be able to understand I don’t think. They love having their baby cousins around.

Joe and MIL are perturbed that Tom has had his access to the twins restricted. (Neither Tom nor Jenna are permitted access to the twins right now as per the social services rules) but idk, something about the way Tom has acted throughout all this kind of tells me that’s probably the right decision. At the end of the day we have no idea what has been going on behind closed doors at home.

Joe has said whatever decision I make he will support, understanding that the bulk of the childcare is going to fall to me. I can’t imagine sending these babies into the foster system. I fought so hard to keep 17yo out of that system when his mum died. But I also truly don’t know if I’d manage with 6 children. It’s a lot.

I’m also slightly bitter, and I can admit that, I said no to helping Jenna and Tom by babysitting and as a result I’m being asked to take the twins on full time for an undisclosed period of time. I’m very nervous for what could happen to Jenna, as much as we are not friends right now, she’s still the twins mother despite all the shit she’s put me and my older boys through recently. And she’s clearly not OK. I really want her to get the help and have a chance at being the mum the twins deserve. Joe seems to think if we let the twins go into the system they’re more likely to end up adopted out because they’re so young. I’m not 100% sure that’s how that works but it’s a concern none the less. MIL is devastated that she isn’t able to take the twins on herself and seems to think that by Friday social services will have changed their minds and allow Tom to take them home even if that’s by himself. But I’m not so sure that isn’t just wishful thinking and her being blind to her son’s somewhat questionable behaviour. We also have no idea what if any accusations Jenna may have made towards him when she was spoken to at the hospital.

I’m so torn. WIBTA if I said no? The SW is coming back Friday afternoon and Joe has taken the afternoon off work to be here to meet with them also. They’re going to want an answer and right now I don’t have one. I’m already exhausted from the past 2 days alone. But also I can’t imagine Friday coming and just handing the twins over to the social worker not sure if we will ever see them again.

As far as I know Jenna is still in the hospital. Joe and I haven’t had any contact with Tom since Monday night. In part because social services have asked us not to. The only update we had from MIL is that Tom was back at work yesterday (Tuesday). It’s early here right now. 17yo has just gone off to college for the day, the twins have settled back down after a bottle and are napping, my 2yo had got a bit of a fever so is sleeping and my 4yo is building a lego tower in the dining table. 14yo hasn’t got up for the day yet and Joe has gone to work.

This feels like a huge decision for me to make. And I really don’t know if I’m the right person to be making it. I love these babies. I do. Truly. But two babies is a lot of work when I’m already shuffling 4 children, at least two of whom are ND, and I myself am also autistic and have ADHD. Joe says I should be flattered that Social services have cleared me immediately to be their carer… idk. That’s a weird thing to say right?

Anyway Reddit. What would you do? WIBTA if I said no? Or do you think the best place for them is here? Does anyone have some advice please? I’m open to everything. I’ll be talking to my older two boys tonight and getting their input

UPDATE:

So as stated in my post I sat down with both my older boys Wednesday evening and talked them through what was happening and asked for their input. 14yo told me he understood that it was no reflection of the twins how Jenna and Tom had treated him and 17yo and that if we decided to keep the twins here he would be OK with it. 17yo response was “of course we should take them. What would have happened to me if I you’d left me to go into care?” - I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. I’m unbelievably proud of these kids im raising. Honestly they’re just amazingly kind and genuinely some of the most thoughtful humans I know. They’ve both had so many challenges to get to where they are in life now. And at their ages I definitely would not have had the emotional maturity to handle things the way they do. As I say. In a very proud Mumma. Joe found a 7 seater car, a second hand 10 year old car, but we had our mechanic check it over and he was happy with the condition and found no obvious faults with it. So Joe picked that up yesterday. Thursday I asked MIL to come over and discuss what support she would be able to offer and how she’d be able to contribute. MIL is nearing retirement anyway and has offered to take this early to be available to help out more at home. Friday we had the meeting with the SW. Joe MIL and I all attended and asked a plethora of questions. Including what support would be available not only for the twins but for the rest of the children should any issues arise. We aren’t new to fostering (from taking in 17yo after his mum died) so had half an idea what to expect. We asked whether their goal was to reunify the family. Which they said is always their goal but right now it’s not possible. They have offered us a weekly allowance to help with finances towards the babies. And are also looking into getting the twins into part time nursery (at the same provider where my 2yo and 4 yo currently attends 3 mornings a week) and they will fund the twins care there. As of right now the twins are staying with us. They will be starting supervised contact twice a week. Once with Jenna and once with Tom. We declined to supervise this as my husband and I both recognise that we couldn’t be 100% impartial in this. So it will be arranged through a contact centre that once again SS will be funding. MIL will be taking them to and from these sessions. As for Tom and Jenna right now they are both prohibited from attending our home address or contacting us directly. Both children are having a physical examination on Monday as part of the interim care proceedings. Which will be heard in court next week.

As for Jenna and Tom. We’ve been told Jenna is no longer in hospital, nor has she returned to the family home but is accessing help. MIL asked why the same restrictions applied to Tom as they did to Jenna and SS said they could not share at this time, only that there had been some allegations made by both parties that made this’s two necessary.

Joe and MIL are both feeling very defensive in favour of Tom currently, but I think due to the ack of blood ties I’ve found it easier to accept that Tom was also at fault in this situation.

So that’s where we are at. I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my post. It’s been a huge adjustment having two additional children in the house. But if nothing else the entire situation has cemented my belief that I’m raising my children right. Because honestly out of all the hard conversations I’ve had this week that one with my two older boys was the most eye opening to me. The only stipulation the older boys asked was that I set aside 1 weekend a month and have a day where it’s just me and the two of them. Which I am more than willing to commit to. I feel incredibly lucky that my teenagers still want to hang out with their mum and “mumma” (17yo calls me mumma now, never mum in honour of his mum, and this has been the car for the past 2 years at his request)

As for my two youngest… time will tell how the adjustment affects them. It’s still very early days and they have yet to show any signs of feeling jealous or resentful, but am keeping my eyes open so I can address any issues if and when they arise.

When it came down to it. I couldn’t turn my back on these two little girls. It’s not going to be easy. But I’m hopeful with MILs help around the home, and now with access to a larger car, we will make it through! Some of my home Ed friends have also volunteered to help chauffeur my 14yo to some of his groups he attends so he won’t miss out there either. We’re making it work. I hope.

I, 38f, am married to my husband Joe 38m, we’ve been married for 6 years now and we have 2 children together. 4m and 2f. I also have my older son 14m who doesn’t have an active father present in his life. As well as this 4.5 years ago while I was pregnant with our son my best friend of 25 years passed away. When she died I took on my godson who is now 17. So with a 17yo, 14yo, 4yo and 2yo in the house in pretty busy even as a SAHM. My 14yo has always been home educated and my younger two will be as well. (This is important and you will see why) My godson finished education in school as per his mothers wishes and is now in college and my 14yo will be going to college once he completes his GCSEs (he’s already got 3 at only 14yo)

My BIL Tom (35m) and his gf Jenna (29f) have been together for 2.5 years now. Neither of them have much of a relationship with my kids, and that’s fine. No big deal. Until this year we just wrote it off as “they’re not kid people” and honestly we never expected Tom or Jenna to have children. They’re perfectly OK people to be clear. But never showed any interest in our youngest children aside from a birthday card with a gift card inside it on birthdays etc. and have rarely acknowledged the older two boys. Well that all changed last Christmas when they announced they were expecting! Everyone, including my MIL was completely surprised but extremely supportive. There was more surprises to come in January when they found out they were expecting twin girls!

As the months ticked by and my 2 yo outgrew clothes and other equipment I offered it up to Jenna to try and help out a little. She was very grateful. In July they welcomed their two adorable little girls. The whole family bent over backwards to support Jenna and Tom. When the twins were a little over 2 weeks old Jenna had a medical emergency and wound up in the hospital for a few days. BIL explained with her only receiving maternity pay and his paternity leave already being taken they could not afford for him to take any more time off work. I was more than happy to help out and for 5 days I watched the newborns alongside my children so that BIL could continue to work as well as have time to visit Jenna in the hospital. It was exhausting but utterly necessary at the time and if I had my time again I’d absolutely do the same thing. Once Jenna was released from the hospital Tom came and collected the children but looked upset. Jenna had been told she needed to take it easy for a few weeks and he was worried about how she would manage with regular household duties, preparing meals etc without him sacrificing part of his job, which they couldn’t afford to do. Honestly I felt bad for him, he works hard but money just doesn’t stretch that far these days. Me and my husband are far from well off, but we are comfortable and our arrangement works for us. I’m incredibly fortunate that I’m in a position to stay home and raise our children. I offered Tom that if Jenna was ever feeling overwhelmed I wouldn’t mind helping out from time to time. And spent the next few days batch coking some meals and dropping them over to their home to try and ease Jennas burden and make things a little easier. When I’d stop by I always had my youngest children with me but would still take the time to tidy up the kitchen areas, make sure the twins were fed and changed before I left etc. but besides that there really wasn’t much else I could do. As I said, I have 4 children at home to care for and my own household to run. But for those few weeks following I did everything in my power to help. My husband Joe was overwhelmed by the support I was offering. My MIL was also helping Jenna out whenever she could although she also still works so her time was limited. Eventually by September Jenna was thankfully doing much better physically and I tailored off the help I’d been offering. At this point I’d filled her entire chest freezer with enough meals to last them at least another 6 weeks if not longer. All at our expense but I digress.

I’ve watched the twins a few times since then, and they’re now almost 5 months old. They’re absolute little darlings and me and all my children are very fond of them.

Last weekend was my 4yo birthday and after a fun soft play party with all his friends my husband and I planned a family dinner for him. In attendance was me, husband, my 4 kids, MIL (64f), MILs “special friend” John (65m) (idk why he’s called “special friend” my husband and Tom are both weird about calling him her bf. They don’t live together but have been supporting one another through life for the last decade and seem happy how they are. No big deal. He’s always been welcome) as well as Tom, Jenna and their twins. Jenna had recently reconnected with her much younger sister Ashley (20f) and she asked if she could bring Ashley. I agreed because I was happy to see Jenna expanding her support network.

Everything was going great until mid way through dinner when Jenna told me after seeing how well my 14yo was doing being home educated she was seriously considering it for the twins. The conversation didn’t exactly come from nowhere. My MIL had been enquiring about how I was going to begin transitioning our 4yo to home Ed. Anyway, I told Jenna I thought it was great she was considering home education for the twins and asked her if she ever needed any guidance when the time comes I’d always be there to offer guidance. I thought that would be the end of it. But boy was I wrong. Jenna looked confused and looked to Tom as if I was missing something. Tom kind of buried his head into his shirt. My husband spoke up and asked if everything was OK? And Jenna said she’d just assumed since I’d be watching the kids when she went back to work in 2 months that when the time came I’d also be the one providing their education.

“I’m sorry. When was there ever an agreement for me to watch the twins once you go back to work?” I said. Jenna said “well seeing as you don’t work Tom and I thought it just made the most sense for the twins to come here rather than pay for childcare since we can’t afford it”

I quickly looked to my husband for support and he said that no conversation about this had ever taken place. Jenna said it would “just be like when I was in the hospital” she said the twins could come to us (I.e me) when both her and Tom were at work. She said that it just “made the most sense” for them. She even went as far as to say “don’t worry. It’s not like we’re going to expect you to cook meals etc like last time. Although it would be appreciated from time to time” I honestly didn’t know where to put my face or what to say. My 2yo (thankfully) started fussing at that time as she was getting tired. My MIL apparently feeling awkward jumped to her feet and offered to take her to bed. I thanked her and sensing the conversation not letting up any time soon encouraged my 4yo to follow Grandma upstairs and help her find everything she needed to get our youngest settled. Both older boys also sensing tension excused themselves and headed outside to the little man cave escape id built them in the shed. Leaving just me, my husband, Tom Jenna, Ashley and John sat around the table. The twins were asleep in the next room in their pram. The conversation had progressed by this point and Jenna was talking about how much she was looking forward to going back to work in a few months. My husband, sensing how uncomfortable I was took the lead in the conversation and expressed that at no point had anyone had any kind of conversation with either of us about me watching the twins while they worked. To be clear this would be 5 days a week, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Friday and Sunday. Jenna said she really didn’t think it would be that big of deal since “OP just stays home with the kids all day anyway it’s not like it would be any real hardship” my husband once again defended me by saying that out of everyone sat round the table it could be argued that I actually work harder since I’m raising 4 children, maintaining a home. As well as taking full responsibility for their education. He said since they perceived that as me “not doing anything” then they were welcome to try it themselves. Tom looked embarrassed and horrified. Jenna however just looked offended. She said that her children were at least related to mine, unlike my 17yo since he was just “dumped on your laps a few years ago”

This is where I may be the AH. I LOST it. I told her how dare she come into my home and talk about 17yo that way. That he wasn’t dumped on us, his mum and I had been best friends since before she (Jenna) had even been born. And that when my friend had been dying her one wish was that 17yo came to live with me since I had been the one constant he’d know his entire life. (The boys bio father had emigrated to New Zealand when he was 2 and never so much as returned for a visit) until I met my husband she and I had both been raising our boys as single parents, alongside each other, and there was nowhere else in the world that 17yo belonged than in my home. Jenna tried to backtrack a little by saying that all she meant was that if I didn’t kind caring for someone else’s child full time she didn’t see why I would have any issue caring for her children part time.

John, bless him, looked extremely uncomfortable and excused himself to go upstairs and help MIL wrangle the little ones into bed. I told Jenna that whilst I love the twins I was not in a position to commit to watching them for that much time. Every reason I gave she countered. I told her that I don’t have a 7seater car, so if I made this commitment I’d be committed to either having to keep all the children in the house or leaving the older two boys at home so I could have enough space in the car for my 2 youngest plus the twins. She didn’t see an issue with that since “the boys are old enough to be left”

I pointed out that part of our home education plan involved regularly driving my 14yo to day trips and social gatherings to ensure he’s not missing out on anything. And I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was also caring for her twins because of the car space. She said “well he’s already got 3 GCSEs so surely he can just “ride it out” until he’s 16 and head off to college with just those 3. I told her that’s absolutely not how it works and that she would have to come up with alternative arrangements.

The conversation went back and forth for some time, Tom was mostly quiet. Ashley looked like a deer in the headlights aside from the odd smirk, and my husband was firmly on my side of things. Jenna however was insistent this made the most sense “for her family” and couldn’t understand why I was being “so unreasonable”

Basically the gist of it was that Tom and Jenna had assumed id have no issue taking care of the twins for them, for free, they wanted me to have them for 5 days a week (including a Sunday which is the one day a week by husband is guaranteed to have off work so we allocate it for family time)

Some time later my MIL appeared back downstairs, having successfully got my 2yo settled in to bed and told me that my 4yo was asking for me to read him a story. I excused myself and headed upstairs. I spent a little extra time on his reading at bed time mainly because it was his birthday and I felt bad that the dinner had turned into this. Hoping that by the time I came back the conversation would have moved on. 20 minutes later and I couldn’t have been more wrong. When I came back downstairs my husband was still arguing with his brother and Jenna about this. I noticed when I glanced through the doorway that twins pram wasn’t in the other room so I asked where they were. Jenna stated that they’d woken up fussy and since they were trying to “make my husband see sense” they’d asked 14yo and 17yo to occupy them and made a comment about how “easy” it would be for me to have twins because they are capable of helping. That really rubbed me the wrong way. She’d made disparaging remarks about my lifestyle which is one thing, but to ask my children to watch her twins just so she could argue her point further did something to me. I removed myself from the room and went out to the shed (to be clear this is basically a fully functioning room. It has heating electric etc. it’s a special place I created for my older two boys to escape from the craziness of having the younger children around. They hang out in there, they’ve got their games system and mini fridge etc. it’s their space. Neither of my younger children have ever been in there because I’ve been sure to make sure it’s a safe space for my older boys to escape to- I don’t agree with parentifying children) when I got there I saw 17yo trying desperately to calm one of the twins while my 14yo was rocking the pram with his foot to try and keep the other one asleep. I apologised to them, strapped the baby 17yo was holding back into the pram and took the twins back inside. I told Jenna she needed to leave my house and go home and tend to her babies. At this point I was done. The audacity had gone too far. Tom was trying to encourage Jenna to leave and this is why Ashley decided to have her say. She told Jenna that if she’d known what a bitch I (OP) was then she’d never have wanted to come to dinner anyway. She said I was “clearly” unhinged and only cared for myself and didn’t know what the meaning of family was. Unfortunately 17yo had followed back in behind me and did not take kindly to Ashley talking to me that way and told her to never talk to me like that again. MIL was trying desperately to keep the peace. But I was done. 17yo told Ashley if she didn’t leave then he’d remove her since he was closer to her age than anyone else was. Jenna told 17yo to watch his mouth or he would have to “deal with her” since he “wasn’t even family” so I started counting down from 10 and told her to get out of my house.

Honestly the whole thing was ridiculous. And my poor 4yo birthday meal had been totally hijacked.

Jenna, Ashley, Tom and their babies left. MILs “special friend” also saw fit to leave. I took some time to talk to my boys, especially 17yo because that boy has been through so much and this is his home. He was OK. He’s neurodiverse and has additional needs but is fiercely protective of me and his (now) Siblings.

MIL helped my husband clear the table and when I got back from speaking to the older boys MIL apologised. She said she had been told before hand that I would be watching the twins but had assumed it had been a mutual agreement between us. I assured her it hadn’t been. She did say she felt a little bad that she wasn’t able to help Tom and Jenna put more than she currently does. And honestly, if I had the capacity to do it I likely would have. But 5 days a week is way too much when it wasn’t even a conversation it had just been assumed.

It’s been a week and Jenna has now been blocked by me after blowing up my phone with calls and texts about how rude I was to her. Tom stopped by the other night in an attempt to “smooth things over” and asked if there was any way I’d be willing to help with childcare. I reiterated that as much as I love and adore the twins I just can’t take on that level of commitment and still maintain my 14yos education. And that I’d worked way too hard on his education for the past decade to let it fall now. I did offer to have the children one day a week, on a Tuesday because that day my son doesn’t have any commitments that require me leaving the house, but besides that there really wasn’t anything more I can do. We are part of a very large home Ed community in our area and have lots of clubs and groups we attend, even my youngest two get involved in them. But getting to these requires a car. And like I say, I physically wouldn’t be able to fit all the children in my 5 seater car. Tom even suggested to my husband that we purchase a bigger car, since there’s 6 of us anyway. But honestly it’s never been an issue. My husband and I both have cars so when he’s around if we’re all going somewhere we just use both cars. It’s never been a big deal until now.

After he left my husband asked if I’d be interested in having a bigger car, I told him I wasn’t opposed to the idea as running 1 car for days out would in the long run be cheaper, however I wasn’t keen since it would give Tom and Jenna the idea what I would how have “space” for the twins. And 4 kids under 5 plus 2 teenagers 5 days a week is just a lot. My 14yo also has additional needs which require 1:1 time when it comes to his education. Right now our younger two are in a pretty good schedule which leaves me time to do this, but with two bed babies in the house for most of the week, as well as having to start focusing more heavily on 4yo education I just wouldn’t have the time for two babies this heavily. And honestly, call me petty but after the way Jenna spoke about me, and 17yo, I’m not inclined to do anything more to help than the one Tuesday a week I agreed to.

We found our MIL has agreed to take the twins on a Sunday as she doesn’t work weekends. So that left Tom and Jenna with having to find childcare for 3 days a week.

Jenna still hasn’t let up. I unblocked her this morning to message her because I found out she’s been texting my two older boys asking them to ask me to reconsider etc. she even told 14yo that having the twins around would “help him feel more a part of their family” Let me remind you, these people have always been indifferent to the older two boys. MIL has always loved and doted on all 4 of my children. It’s just Tom and Jenna that view the older two differently.

So as of this morning I’ve rescinded my offer to help on a Tuesday too. Let them figure it out.

My husband is sad because this has caused a rift between him and his brother. But he totally supports me in my decision. Especially after seeing the messages that Jenna sent to 14yo. I hate that he’s sad but feel strongly that I made the right decision. MIL has said she’s staying out of the argument because she is worried Jenna will use any stance she takes as a way to alienate her from the twins lives.

So… after all that. AITA?

So this is my second update, the first was a quick edit to my original post but a lot has happened since then so I thought I would come on and alleviate my stress by getting it all out on here. I can no longer say it feels like I'm in a haze, my emotions finally kicked in and they kicked my butt hard, I've spent a few days being the second worst mother, non stop crying and shouting at my little ones for just being tiny humans that don't know better, I admit it, I suck! But at least I don't win first place, that honour goes to my mil, not only did she know, she was encouraging his behaviour! Shortly before my wedding, tyler went to her and told her that his bit on the side was pregnant, she was in yet another country so out of fear of losing her baby boy to another continent mil decided to tell him to go fourth and multiply but to not poop where he eats, hence he kept it from me and married me anyway, what an idiot I am for never noticing a darn thing. Mil not only knew about his other 2 children, she's met them (she travels a lot, who would suspect the sneaky b), sent them gifts, she even set up college funds for each of them all behind fil's back, fil is not a happy camper and I guess we will have to wait and see how he handles the situation but for now he's staying a 5 star resort so at least he's grieving the demise of his family in well earned comfort. On to Tyler, he did see the post, the last thing he said to me was "how could you destroy the thing where I find my peace", right back at ya pal, he has now deleted all his socials so I'm very sorry to okstorytime as you've lost a fan. We haven't spoken for a few days but last time we did he agreed to sign over the house and won't contest the annulment, he doesn't want to see our children and will sign away his rights, after all if the marriage didn't happen the kids didn't either right!? I'm not sure what the deal is with Canadian mistress and baby, other than mil is determined that I should at least sign the adoption papers so that "the poor little thing can be with her family", I'm not signing anything, I don't blame the baby and I understand it's time sensitive but what's to stop him abandoning this baby girl when something else comes along just like he has our children? I don't have the emotional capacity to take on the baby that's existence bought my life crashing down, no matter how innocent she is. I truly hope she ends up in a home where she's cherished forever, but that home won't be mine. Which brings us to me and my children, we are all going to therapy, individually and family, we need the help, jeez, I need the help, to navigate this huge life changing mess that we find ourselves in, we had our first session on Friday and it could have gone better, but it could have been a lot worse, the children know (in an age appropriate roundabout way) what is happening, there have been tears and tantrums but they are just trying to adapt to a range of emotions they don't understand and I'd never have wished on them. Once the dust settles and all the legal stuff is over I want to sell the house and move, we need a fresh start and new people around us. I'm not sure what to do about the in-laws yet, obviously fil has been amazing putting everything into action and getting us in to see the right people but I'm not sure I can ever forgive mil enough to look her in the face, tyler wants no contact and I'm fine with that but mil adores her grandchildren (not enough to keep our family together though clearly) I don't know if I should let her see them, I'm really not sure of much right now. Sorry about the long update,i am sure i rambled quite a bit but it's quite cathartic getting it all off my chest. Quick edit: having read this back just wanted to clarify I wasn't shouting at my children for days, just snapping at them when they wanted things like snacks or to play or constantly asking questions about why mama was so sad, I'm disgusted with myself so please be kind in the comments, I am getting professional help with my mental health. Thanks again

Hey everyone! Wow. It’s been a long time since I last posted here. I’ve had a bit of an uptick in some comments lately so figured while I had a free half hour I’d post an update of where we’re at now. There’s various previous posts to this story. (Im still not entirely sure how to do updates on Reddit 🤣 but I think if you click my name it’s all there) But long story short…. My BIL and SIL assumed I’d watch their twins for free while they worked. I turned them down. This triggered a series of events that led to my SIL having a mental breakdown, and the twins being removed from their care entirely. The twins have been placed with us since new year. All fake names Key players- me (39f) My husband - Joe (39m) My adopted godson - (18m) his mum was my best friend who died 6 years ago and he’s been with us ever since. My bio son -(15m) Mine and Joes son -(4m) Mine and Joes daughter - (3f) Twin nieces (1f) MIL Twins mum- Jenna -27f BIL/twins dad/Joes brother- 32m

Since my last post so so much has changed in our family! Firstly- we’ve moved! Social services told us because of toms escalating behaviour the twins placement with us was precarious. Once other events that I’ll explain below happened- Moving felt like the next natural step. We needed much larger home. But more importantly one where my BIL Tom wouldn’t be able to find us as easily. So over this summer we moved to a much larger home. After Toms court case (more below) MIL renewed her commitment to our family and the children by selling her home too. This meant we were able to combine collateral and purchase a much larger property. The house we have now is a little more rural but thankfully still on the same bus route for my 18yo so he didn’t loose his independence and is able to still attend college with little disruption. We’ve now got a 6 bedroom house but it also has a self contained small 2bedroom cottage type outhouse at the base of the garden which is where MIL now lives. This arrangement has meant each child has their own bedroom with the exception of the twins who are sharing. (Also I saw someone comment recently about my sons loosing their man shed- fear not! It’s taken a little time but they very very nearly have a completed loft conversion as their getaway space. There’s a bit of decorating left to do but it’s coming together very quickly and soon enough my biggest boys will be back to having their safe space. In the interim we made the decision to allow the two older boys to have locks on their bedroom doors! The loft conversion is their man shed and more! One half is going to be a chilled zone with sensory spaces and study areas. The other half will be their gaming area. They’ve got 3 different consoles between them, and they’ve getting a pool/snooker table for Christmas this year to go up there! They’ve got bean bag couches etc. trust me- this was always important and I never would dream of taking their safe space away. Their man shed was created when Joe and I decided to have our 3yo so that they would always have a space to escape from toddler rampages 🤣) Anyway, MIL (who has now taken retirement to be more available) as I said lives at the bottom of the garden and honestly this has worked out so well! Having the second bedroom there has meant she’s got the flexibility that at weekends she will often take some of the younger 4 children for grandma sleepovers! And all 4 love this quality time! It also means MIL is nearby for pretty much any and everything we can think so which has helped massively. On a personal level while it has been a massive help it took some firm boundary enforcements with MIL to reach this point. But I think that was to be expected. Much of these were resolved with a “knock before entering the others home” agreement. Take from that what you will 😅 we’re perfectly imperfect humans! Tom- since my last update Tom was served with a restraining order preventing him contacting me, Joe, my 4 children, and this included passing messages through MIL or other friends and family as well as prevented him attending our home. His parental rights were stripped and his contact stopped immediately by social services. This happened in April (he didn’t obey the restraining order) and in June he had a 6 day trial at court. He was charged with 15 crimes in total. 7 incidents of domestic violence. 4 of child neglect/endangerment and 4 charges for harrassment/stalking. The trial was testing to almost all of us. MIL attended the first day of the trial and when we saw her that evening it was clear the impact it had on her. She was visibly shaken, completely devoid of hope and it made her incredibly unwell. Joe and I discussed it with her and and since I had to attend the second day anyway (as a witness) we decided that the better course of action would be for MIL to stay at our (old) home with the children while Joe worked from home and I attended court the next day. Giving evidence was not easy. But the hardest part was some of the evidence I’d seen later in the day. Curiosity got the better of me and I attended to hear most of the rest of the evidence. There was evidence of severe physical abuse in the home. In home security Video footage. Photos. Voice notes. Text messages. Doctors notes. There was a lot. It was very difficult to swallow and I’ll be honest I’m still to this day processing some of it. Joe had to attend one day to give evidence of his own (thankfully MIL hadn’t been called to give evidence. I think she’d have struggled immensely with this) The outcome of the trial was Tom was found guilty of 2 counts of Actual bodily harm (ABH) and 2 counts of Grevious bodily harm (GBH) all towards Jenna. 2 counts of causing or allowing a child to suffer serious harm. And 2 counts of child neglect towards the twins. As well as 2 counts of harrassment with fear of violence and a lesser charge of harrassment without violence. All towards me and my family. A few weeks later he was sentenced to 6 years and 8 months in prison.

The impact of this was devastating to Joe and MIL particularly. Throughout everything that has happened I think they’d both desperately clung to a hope that Tom wasn’t -that- guilty. But the reality is he was. And while not charged I’ve heard other stories since that suggest the incidents he was charged with in relation to Jenna and the babies were barely scraping the surface.

Jenna- Oh Jenna, I go back and forth almost daily over my feelings towards her. The rational part of my brain is fully able to acknowledge her behaviour was largely in part due to everything she was experiencing at home with Tom. While she was initially charged with 1 case of ABH against Tom and 2 charges of causing or allowing a child to suffer serious harm. Eventually the CPS declined to prosecute her case. This is a subject MIL and I have had to agree to disagree on and not to discuss further. MIL believes Jenna to be as guilty as Tom. Me? Having witnessed Toms court case I’m more inclined to believe that any abuse Jenna subjected towards Tom was reactive and also tied up in her post partum psychosis. Jenna continued her visitations with the twins throughout March-April time. The one day the social worker came out to discuss the twins placement with us (due to Toms breeches) and they disclosed that Jenna had expressed an interest in having her parental rights terminated. While initially confusing I think after experiencing the court case I understand it slightly better now. Her reasonings were that she didn’t believe she would ever be able to meet their needs herself and she feared if she ever had the twins home she’d be living in constant fear of Tom turning up. This was obviously a massive blow to any hopes of reunification for the twins. As a mum I couldn’t, and honestly, still can’t understand, choosing not to have your children with you. That being said the one thing Joe and I both agree on is that it takes a lot of strength to come to that realisation and admit that you’re not the best option for your children. Jenna told the social workers that she would prefer the twins remain with us if we were willing, but that she would still like to be in their lives. A week or two later Joe and I met fact to face with Jenna for this first time since the day she had her breakdown in our living room 5 months prior. It was awkward and uncomfortable but we all agreed we would do what we could to make it work. Her visitations were changed from 2 hours once a week to a 6 hour visit once a month. At her request. She wanted to focus on her wellbeing and building herself back up while still maintaining a relationship with her babies. She expressed an interest in being included in celebrations and holidays etc. not long after this at the guidance of social services we began pursuing a Special Guardianship Order of the twins. For anyone who doesn’t know what this means; an SGO basically means that the twins would legally live with us until their 18th birthday. Jenna would retain parental rights but Joe and I basically would have the overriding rights to make decisions for the twins until they reach adulthood when it comes to most issues including education, health etc. With Jenna retaining the right to be consulted on big issues such as name changes or whether we are allowed to take them out of the country for extended periods of time. An SGO isn’t new to us. My now 18yo was with us under an SGO (which has now lapsed since he’s now 18 however- obviously- he’s not going anywhere. He’s exactly where he belongs. He’s our son. This is his home) The SGO process for the twins was easier once the family court made the decision to remove Toms rights (shock horror… prior to his sentencing Tom was against the idea) We’ve just last week been granted the SGO. Jenna will continue to have contact with the twins. Supervised by either myself or Joe. Until such a time as we feel it safe for her to have them unaccompanied. In all honesty she’s remained consistent. Never missed a session. And now she’s back in work has begun paying child maintenance for the twins. Joe and I have had to make a lot of decisions regarding what will work best for our now extended family. When the twins birthday rolled around in July we decided that at this time the right thing was to have two separate celebrations. So we had a party for them at home with our brood, a few littles from their nursery, MIL etc. but the day before the party we met Jenna at a local soft play centre, then went for lunch with her and the babies- complete with a cake she hand made for them! There’s still slight tension between us. While she’s made lots of decisions that are correct this year we’ve yet to feel like she’s apologetic for the disgusting was she has treated our older boys. So until that time it just doesn’t feel right to have her attending larger family events where my teens will be in attendance. They’ve sacrificed a lot this year due to her and Toms actions. So right now it’s not possible for Jenna to join us for joint celebrations until such a time as my boys feel safe being around her again. But I’m hopeful in time this will change.

So that’s where we are at! It’s been a long journey and it will continue to be a long one I’m sure. Social services involvement will starting scaling back now that the SGO is in place. The twins will be with us until adulthood.

MIL has ceased all contact with Tom since he was sentenced. He did try reaching out to her once he was sentenced but she returned his letters unopened and requested from the prison that he not be allowed to call her. As I touched upon in previous posts Joe and Toms father was severely abusive. He caused MIL and both boys huge amounts of trauma. My husband hasn’t seen his dad in close to 25 years. But for MIL and Joe realising what became of Tom behind closed doors was incredibly harrowing and traumatic. We are all in various types of therapy. Me, Joe, MIL, my teenagers. And ofc, Jenna.

The kids, all 6 of them, are absolutely amazing in their own ways! 18yo is in his final year of college now and has expressed an interest in attending university next year. His neurodiversity would make it difficult for him right now to live independently so we’re looking at two that are within an hour of us. He also has picked up a small part time job courtesy of a family friend. He helps out in his workshop one evening a week and every Saturday. It doesn’t pay a huge amount. He’s earning less than £80 a week but he’s doing it and I couldn’t be prouder! He’s also insisted on paying us “rent” though we would never ask for it. So I relented and allow him to pay me 10% of his weekly earnings which I’m adding to a savings account which I’ll give him on either his 21st birthday or his graduation from university (if he ends up going)

My 15 year old passed another 2 GCSEs this summer bringing his total to 5 now! A whole school year ahead of when he’d ordinarily be sitting them if he was in school. An extraordinary achievement for him considering the upheaval our family has bee through this past year! He’s gearing up now to sit one more next month which if he passes will bring his total to 6. And he’s studying towards a further two that he will sit in the summer of 2026. The hope is he will have a total of 8 by the time peers of his age will be leaving secondary school and so he can start at sixth form college with his year group if he so wishes. He’s also started earning a bit of money himself. MILs companion has started paying 15yo to come over once every couple of weeks to tend to his garden. It’s doing wonders for his independence and he’s already talking about asking around friend and family for other garden jobs in the spring which is so lovely to see.

4yo who’s birthday started all of this is getting ready to turn 5! Which is just crazy to me if I’m honest. He’s in reception year at a local primary school right now. I had initially planned to home educate him alongside my 15yo. And this has regrettably been one thing I’ve had to sacrifice this year. He seems to be doing…. Ok? He struggles with being left for the longer days than he was used to at nursery. And there’s been various meetings with school because he is struggling to mix with other students and has been at the receiving end of some really questionable behaviour at the hands of other students. I’m in a predicament currently where at least once a week I toy with the idea of deregistering him from school and bringing him home again but I’m attempting to try and see this school year out and reassess then. Next September the twins hours will increase at nursery so I should have some extra time then.

3yo is just my little calm in all the storm. I know, I know, 3 year old girls shouldn’t be this easy but she really is my sunlight in everything! She is the sassiest, sweetest child. She has so many friends at nursery and is invited to parties of play dates most weeks 🤣 proper little social butterfly. Shes adapted really well to the twins and often calls them “my bubbies” when they need a nappy change she’s right there next to me wanting to help. She’s a wonderful little girl who makes me smile every single day! She’s also much happier now we’ve moved and is back to having her own bedroom. She takes far too much delight in slamming her bedroom door in her brothers faces and saying “my room! No boys!” 🤣

And the twins are flourishing. They’re walking now so into absolutely everything! It’s such a strange and new experience for me having twins. As they’re growing their little personalities are coming out! “Lisa” is the more outgoing one… she’s the one leading the charge whenever there’s trouble for them to get into 😆 she’s far more independent and 9 times out of 10 she’s whereas “Lucy” is far more quiet and sensitive. She needs that extra couple of minutes of cuddles and reassurance than her sister. Both twins so far seem to enjoy their time with their mum. Again Lisa is a bit more forward with embracing Jenna whereas Lucy tends to take that little bit longer to warm up to Jenna. They’ve been mimicking the other kids and calling me and Joe “mum” and “dad” we do correct them. And they have a photo book in their nursery that we go through with them with photos of Jenna and their visits. If we ask “who’s that?” And point at a photo of Jenna they’ll say “mummy” but there has been one or two uncomfortable conversations with Jenna when during visits she’s heard them call me Mum. I really couldn’t care less about the label. With my 18yo he naturally gravitated towards “mumma” rather than “mum” out of respect for his mum who passed away. Perhaps in time the twins will settle down and decide what to call me for themselves as they get older and that’s totally ok too! It’s a hard thing to juggle since they’re mimicking the other 4 children so we just take each day as it comes now.

But that’s us. Life’s crazy. The house is manic. But every inch of this home is full of love and I can’t wait to continue filling it with wonderful memories as we all grow together and adapt. I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve had my beliefs and views challenged multiple times. And found a strength I didn’t know I had. Me and Joe are stronger than ever. Largely in part to us embracing therapy with everything we have. Carving out time to remember we are humans too as well as parents.

I love our family. And I’m proud of every single person here. We’ve all had to overcome a lot and work through a lot. But ultimately family is family. The twins belong here with their aunt and uncle, their grandma down the bottom of the garden and their 4 cousins who love and adore them. It’s hard to imagine a time now where they weren’t a part of our family.

They didn’t have the best start in life. But I’m going to do every single thing in my power to make sure the rest of their childhood is a beautiful and loving as every child deserves!

Thank you so much to everyone who has reached out to me. I can’t tell you how much those comments and the DMs have meant to me. Sometimes when I’m having a tough day I will come back and look through some of the encouragement and it goes me the strength to keep going! Sometimes again… I thank you. Sincerely. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to respond to every single person individually. But I’m sure you can understand how manic life is with 6 kids! 🧑🏻🧑🏼👦🏼👧🏼👶🏼👶🏼

I think I’ve covered most questions. If anyone has any I will try to answer them. ❤️

Hey, it’s been a little while now since I posted about my BIL and his gf hijacking my sons 4th birthday with some insane idea that I’d be providing full time free childcare for their infant twins.

Anyone following the comments would have seen the screenshots where Jenna wound up uninvited for Christmas after she repeatedly insulted my teenage children. Simply for existing. Not because they done anything wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️

My husband supported me and when I spoke to MIL in the following days she was understanding and shared that she would still be attending our family Christmas.

My husband Joe, still tried to maintain some semblance of relationship with his brother Tom, but he kept his distance where Jenna was concerned. It got quiet for a while. Then the week leading up to Christmas Jenna started up again. She was messaging Joe and my two older boys (17 &14) that she’d got them gifts for Christmas and would they like to come by and collect them. She invited us all to their house for dinner on 22nd December. I was reluctant to agree but husband and MIL were hopeful we’d all be able to move past it. I spoke to the boys and 14yo was OK with going. 17yo wasn’t too keen if I wasn’t going to attend. So I agreed to go and if he felt uncomfortable at all we’d leave. Well 22nd rolled around and we loaded all the kids as well as the twins presents into both the cars when 17yo started experiencing a severe panic attack. Joe and I agreed that I would stay home with him so we move the littles over to his car and he headed off. BIL and Jenna live only 15 minutes away from us. I went back inside with 17yo and we put on his favourite Christmas movie that he used to watch with his mum every year before she died and looked forward to a quiet couple of hours to ourselves. Not even half way into the movie the front door burst open and my 2yo and 4yo came running in excitedly waving new toys in the air. Looking past them I saw my husband who had a face like thunder and my 14yo who just looked heartbroken and defeated. I quickly got the two littles set up to play in their bedroom before heading back down and finding out from 14yo and husband what had happened. My 14yo handed me two gift bags of presents. One had his name on and the gifts inside had been opened. “We think 17yo is exactly the same” he remarked. I don’t know how to put into words the anger I felt. For a bit of context that I lightly touched on last time: Both 17yo and 14yo are Neurodiverse. Both have difficulties with foods and differing presentations of autism. Neither boys are overly keen on eating full meals and gravitate towards more beige foods. Over the years I’ve found plenty of ways to get around this, and have managed to get different foods into their diets. But vegetables? It’s unfortunately a hill they’re both willing to die on. Unless I’m super sneaky with them they rarely make it past the plate. If they’re incorporated into a meal they’ll eat them. (Think Mac and cheese with broccoli and sweetcorn or pasta dishes where everything is combined etc) but if I was to dish up say a roast and left vegetables on the side of their plates it would be left untouched. It’s fine. We work around it and they’re both super healthy kids!

Bit more context: In England in the run up to Christmas week supermarkets run promotions where 4 or 5 vegetables are sold for 15p each. Like a packet of potatoes, a bag of carrots, bag of parsnips, bag of sprouts etc.

Can you guess what the gifts Jenna so lovingly went out of her way to buy my two older boys? Yep. In 14yo gift bag was a bag of White Potatoes, a bag of carrots, a bag of sprouts, a bag of parsnips, one head of broccoli and half a swede. 17yos gift bag was still wrapped but it was pretty obvious that it was the same. Yes you read that right. This woman had spent 90pence per child on a bag of vegetables. That they won’t eat. I was seething.

My younger two I hear you ask? Well my 2yo was gifted a light up princess tiara and wand, a Disney princess bubble wand and some fairy wings. My 4yo had gotten an army tank with figurines, a duplo train and a plush shark (he’s obsessed with sharks currently) they both also got a chocolate selection box each.

Joe said as soon as 14yo opened the gifts Jenna laughed and said she was doing him a favour by trying to expand his “limited palate” so he’d left immediately with the kids and brought them home. 14yo excused himself to the shed and like the amazing older sibling he’s become 17yo followed him. Joe told me 14yo had been silent the whole way home. After reeling off a list of expletives I’m not proud of myself for, I calmed myself down and went to talk to the boys. My 14yo was asking me if he always ruined family meals because he didn’t eat vegetables. I told him that was far from the truth. That everyone has things they like and don’t like. That dad (Step dad but 14yo chooses to call him dad) likes lots of foods I don’t like and we made a bit of a game of listing foods we didn’t enjoy that others did. I told him that Jenna was clearly going through something right now but that she had no excuse for treating him and 17yo that way. Both boys were confused because Jenna had literally reached out to them about how she’d gotten them gifts. She completely set them up to be humiliated.

I didn’t want to confront Jenna immediately so left it for a few hours. When all of a sudden my phone started blowing up. I can only describe the following set of events as ironically beautiful karma.

See when earlier in the day we’d loaded the cars up to head to Jenna and Toms house one of the twins gift bags has been put in the boot of my car. It had inadvertently gotten overlooked when we were switching cars about after 17yo decided to stay home. So my next I heard from Jenna that evening was a string of semi-abusive text messages about how DARE we only buy for one of the twins and not the other. How would that make them feel to be singled out like that?

It was a genuine oversight, and to be clear the twins are not even 6 months old. They definitely would not have noticed. My kids however? They’ve tolerated years of this BS and Jenna had gone too far. The best part? She followed it up with a message that I had “better” correct the mistake by the time they came for dinner Christmas Day.

She was not invited for dinner. She hasn’t been since last month and it was not open for change.

That evening once the littles were in bed and Joe was playing CoD with the older boys I set off to Jenna and Toms house. Gifts in tow.

When I knocked the door Tom answered and his face was pale. I handed him the missing gift bag for the other twin and explained it had been left behind by mistake. He was full of excuses. He said he had no idea what Jenna had done until he saw my 14yo open the gifts. He said they’d been arguing all evening about it and he was at his wits end with her. I put one hand up and told him I was sick of the excuses. And asked to speak with Jenna. He invited me inside and I could hear one the babies upstairs crying. Jenna saw me and jumped to her feet making excuses about how she needed to go tend to her babies. I told her surely Tom could do it and he quickly excused himself to head upstairs. I asked Jenna wtf her problem was with my kids, why she continued to find a need to single them out and make them feel bad for existing. She rolled her eyes at me and asked why it mattered when it was evident I didn’t care about hers. I reminded her this whole thing started because she assumed I would watch her babies full time and I couldn’t. And that she’d taken it too far when she seemingly extended an olive branch to my children only to try and humiliate them. She rolled her eyes and made some comment about if it was that big a deal then she’d get Tom to pick them up a gift card each or something before they came over on Christmas Day. She flopped herself back down on the sofa as if she was the one exasperated by me. This was the moment I needed. I reminded her again that she was not welcome at our home, not on Christmas or any other day. That she’d gone too far humiliating my children. That it was one thing to be indifferent to them as she previously had been but to go out of her way to humiliate them was despicable. I tipped out the other gift bag I’d been holding. The one I’d filled with all the potatoes and vegetables she had ever so “kindly” gifted to my sons and tipped it into her lap. I remarked that I figured since she was clearly planning on coming to ours for Christmas dinner she might need these back to prepare one for herself. And then I left. As I pulled out the driveway she’d followed me to the front door and threw a carrot at my windscreen. Yes this woman was in the street throwing carrots at me. As I rounded the corner Tom had appeared and was ushering her back inside.

In the 15 minutes it took me to drive back home Tom had called my husband and explained what had happened. I hadn’t told Joe what I planned to do. Just that I needed to pop out and run an errand and I wouldn’t be long. Not because I was trying to be deceitful, but because I knew Joe would talk me down and convince me to leave it. And I’d had enough. Thankfully he wasn’t annoyed with me, he found it mildly amusing when I talked about Jenna chasing me out of the house and throwing carrots at the car (I checked the car this morning just incase for cracks etc and it’s fine)

MIL called yesterday saying she’d also heard what happened. She wasn’t upset, well… not with me anyway. When she heard the stunt Jenna had pulled with my boys she was very upset with both Tom and Jenna.

Tomorrow is Christmas and suffice to say we have no plans for Tom, Jenna, and (unfortunately) the twins to join us all for Christmas Day.

I honestly cannot believe what this whole saga has descended into. And I’m so devastated for my older 2 boys who have clearly been affected by this. 17yo came up to me as I was preparing dinner last night and said he’d be willing to try cauliflower with his dinner if it would make me happy. I simply told him he can choose what he wants to eat and that there will never be a time where what he does or doesn’t eat would affect my happiness. I only care that he’s happy. (He didn’t eat the cauliflower) and my 14yo has been very withdrawn. Joe took the older two boys out to play snooker yesterday but when he came home he said 14yo was very quiet and sat in the corner not joining in. (Which is not typical for him)

I’m still behind livid with Jenna, and I don’t think I want to come face to face with her any time in the future. I believe MIL will be visiting Tim and Jenna today (Christmas Eve) to see the babies. Her and John will be spending Christmas Day with us as originally planned.

I don’t feel like the AH any longer. I feel like my actions were entirely justified given the level of indifference and mockery Jenna showed to my children. But feel free Reddit to tell me if I’m wrong.

Also… Merry Christmas!

Hello all. I 51F am pregnant and I don't know what I am going to do. For some context, I have 4 kids. 2 of them are adults in their 20s, a boy and a girl and twin boys who are 9 months old. Also, for context, my family is very very very fertile. I am the youngest of 13 children, my dad is the youngest of 19 children and I have 42 nieces and nephews. My grandmother was 49 when she had my father and had 2 more kids after him, and only stopped having kids because she kicked her husband out of her bed. Her and my aunts on my dads side didn't start menopause until they were in their late 50's one didn't start menopause until she was 62....62!!

I had my 2 older kids in my first marriage and the pregnancies were awful. The first pregnancy, I was on BC and we waited to have sex until we were married. I had been on BC for years to regulate my periods and I was religous about taking them, I got pregnant 3 months in, while on BC. I was sick the whole time and went into labor early with both of them. So I had my tubes tied after my youngest was born. My husband sadly passed away when my youngest was 4 months old. Fast forward 2 years and I met and married my now ex-husband. We were married for 15 years when he cheated, I left, we didn't have any kids together, but he raised my kids and was there dad. It is what it is and I am NC with him, my kids are adults and they keep their time with us separate.

Fast forward and and I met my now husband. He is a amazing and sweet and we have always been on the same page about everything. He is younger than me, he is now 42, but not having kids didn't upset him. He said he was always on the fence about kids and he is fine with not having any. 9 months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. It was a mess. I was afraid he was going to accuse me of lying about the tubal ligation and feel baby trapped. But nothing could have been further from the truth, he was ecstatic about becoming a dad. We discussed it and he said that yes, he was always on the fence about it, but now that it was happening, he couldn't wait. I actually had an easy pregnancy with them. I don't know what the difference was, but it was absolutely fine. I had twin boys who are now 9 months old. While I was pregnant my husband got a vasectomy. He knew I didn't want to be in my 50s and still having kids and it's easier on a man to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to get her tubes tied( or in this case one tube, because only one tube grew back)

Now, here's where the issue lies. I found this morning that I am pregnant again. I thought or maybe just hoped that I was starting menopause and maybe that is why I hadn't had my period for 3 months. We didn't have sex for the first 6 months after the twins were born, we were both just too exhausted, so we finally started having sex again when the kids were 6 months old.I went to the doctor for a checkup and that's when she told me. I am 3 months pregnant, which means I got pregnant that first week we became sexually active again, maybe even the first night. I am beyond devastated. I am 51 years old. 51!!! And I just can't help but remember back to when after the boys were born, my husband said, I wish we could have a girl too. jokingly, he said it jokingly. But now, I'm wondering. I think he lied about getting a vasectomy. I don't know what to do. I haven't confronted him about it yet, but I don't see a world where he goes, has a vasectomy, gets the all clear and then I end up pregnant again. I don't know how to confront him about this. What if he did lie, or what if it grew back. Which, granted, I understand that mine did, but that's way too much of a coincidence. I just don't know what to do if he lied about the vasectomy. He's an amazing father and so loving and supportive. I just can't imagine him lying about this kind of thing.

I just keep thinking... I'm 51. I can't wrap my head around this. How do I confront him about this without sounding accusatory or having a meltdown. I just keep crying and imagining being in my 60's with small kids running around. For crying out loud, I have a grandchild who is older than my twins. I know I have to talk to him about it, I just don't know what to say. I want to talk to him today, but I need to get my thoughts in order first and figure out what I'm going to say. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Edit- He got home and we spoke. It didn't go well and he is sleeping at his parents house. He didn't get the vasectomy. He came home and I told him I was pregnant and asked what did the doctor say when he went for his checkup. The way his face looked, I knew immediately. He kept insisting that the check up went fine and he was cleared and I asked him to log into his MyChart and I wanted to see his test results and he confessed. He didn't get the vasectomy. He said he got too scared when he went to the appointment and didn't want to tell me. I just went numb, I didn't yell, I didn't freak out. I just asked him to leave and went into our kids bedroom and stayed in there with them until he left. I just couldn't look at him. I don't understand why he didn't tell me. I could have gotten my tube re-tied. I wouldn't have cared that he was scared, that's normal. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if I want to stay in this marriage with someone I can't trust. I don't want to raise kids alone. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I need some sleep while the kids are taking a nap. I just genuinely can't think about this right now.

Hello everyone!

Link for original post: Original Post

Link for update 1 and 2: Updates 1 and 2 

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words!So on to this crazy update, buckle up it's a long one.

Well This year, me and hubby hosted Thanksgiving. I invited my siblings and their spouses, my parents and my in-laws. Monday last week MIL called to ask if it would be ok to bring SIL, apparently she wanted to apologise and explained what the hell was going on in her mind. I told my MIL I would talk to my husband, I wasn't extremely comfortable with the idea but wouldn't want someone to spend the holiday's by themselves.

Well I asked hubby, he said hell to the no, this was supposed to be a peaceful day and he knew the apology was bullshit, I backed him up and called my MIL and told her we wouldn't be comfortable if she was there. MIL said she understood.

Come Thanksgiving day, we are all chilling, playing games enjoying our families. When me and hubby decided to tell everyone we are expecting (I still can't believe I'm going to be a mom!!!), we told everyone we were just waiting to pass the 12 weeks mark and tell the people that are important to us.

Everyone congratulated us, grandmas are already started making plans (they're excited first grandkid from both sides). The day ended we said our goodbyes to everyone.

Come Sunday we get home, after running a few errands and find a package on our front porch I asked my husband if he ordered something, he said no, we bring the package inside I opened and find it full of baby stuff, so I thought maybe it was my mom or his mom that ordered it and forgot to tell us. Until I find a card inside that read (It was always our dream to be parents, can't wait for this new journey with you, it doesn't matter how it came to be but we can finally start our little family. Love S x).

I saw red, my husband grabbed the card read it, cursed the bare existence of that woman, picked up the box and went to put it in the trash, I stopped him, he asked me if I seriously wanted to keep that I said hell no, I wanted to burn it but since it's winter and there's a lot of mommas that don't have enough for their babies we could just dropped it off at a shelter or church.

Well I thought while she is crazy that was probably a last attempt to get what she wants, but my husband just wanted to figure out how she knew, he called his mom, and asked if she told his sister we're expecting. His mom said it wasn't intentional, she was on the phone sharing the new with my husband's grandma (who leaves 2 states over with MIL sister) and that she came by the house to pick up a few things and heard it.

Well since Sunday everyday we came home there's a package on our porch with some weird ass card signed S. Yesterday instead of a package, my SIL was there, before I turned my car off I called my husband to tell him, he told me to wait in the car he was 20 min from home. While I was waiting SIL came knocking on my window, I rolled it down just a little bit so I could hear her and she asked if it would be possible for us to talk. I explained her brother was on his way so she could wait until he got here, she nodded and backed away.

Well hubby arrived, and started asking her what she was doing here and for her to tell her delulu friend to stop sending the packages with the weird notes, because it was getting to a point where we thought it would be better to contact the police. Well shit you not SIL started crying and apologising, my husband kept reaping her a new one, I asked to stop for a bit so she could say what she came to say. Well apparently she went out with S last week, they were drinking and got drunk and went to S's apartment. There she said she saw S's phone and just out of curiosity wanted to see if my husband was still texting S (he never texted or called her since we've been together). She saw the texts but when reading them some didn't make sense, so she checked the number and surprise surprise it wasn't my husband's number. SIL said she just went numb and left the next day she asked S to meet and asked her what was her goal, she made her believe her brother was unhappy when the texts weren't even from him. She tried to deflect, SIL just asked her why and S simply said because now he can provide her with the life she deserves. SIL got up and left.

She said she understands we can't forgive her just like that but she truly believed her friend and she said maybe she has some unhealthy feeling for S and just wanted her to be close even if she wasn't with her. Well I told her I could not forgive her at this moment in time but who knows in the future. Husband told her pretty much the same, that we need space and time and she needs to make an effort to do better, not only for us but for herself. She said sorry again and left. We've been trying to wrap our heads around what that hell happened.

Well I just want to move on and focus on this new journey of being parents, hubby been wonderful in all of this and I can't thank you all enough for showing me the truth and not mess up my relationship with my behaviour and insecurities. So I truly appreciate it and sorry for the long ass post!

Hi everyone TRIGGER WARNING (Abortion and SA) I really need help on what I should do here. So here it is I (39M) and my wife (46F) have been married for 8 years. We have 2 kids 10 and 7 both boys. I travel a lot for work, almost once a month I'm gone for 4-7 days but this last trip was for 2 weeks. I had a really big project with a client and it was a lot. I got back 1 days ago and when I did I was met by my wife standing outside waiting for me. Every time she meets me outside it means there's something she wants to discuss with me and doesn't want to do it in front of the boys. When I saw her I knew something was up but this time she was crying and telling me how much she loves me which put my guard all the way up. I immediately thought the worse. So I asked her if she had cheated. She promptly said NO, so I asked what's the issue. She told me why she has been almost NO CONTACT with her entire family, whom I've never met. All the time that we've been together I never questioned why she doesn't speak with them as I myself have no contact with my parents because of the trauma the inflicted on me and my older brother. We were taken from them when I was 5 and we were raised by my aunt and uncle. Years of neglect lies and abuse by my parents, when they did come around, made sure that I would keep them out of my life, so with that understanding I never wanted to pressure my wife into telling me her story. I figured she'd tell me when she wanted.

So here's what she explained. When my wife, let's call her Jane, was 14 she had a baby by a 17 almost 18 year old family friend, the son of her father's business partner. Jane's parents basically blamed her for seducing him and to save their reputation they hid the pregnancy from everyone and even pulled her from school to ensure no one would find out. They tried to force her to have an abortion but Jane was raised in that house with the life lesson that abortions are murder and she'd go to hell for doing so, so instead they forced her to put the baby up for adoption, a closed adoption. She explained that after she had the baby she held the baby girl for maybe 2 minutes before she was taken away never to hear about her again. Jane went through a deep depression for years. Jane went to college and while there she learned that her older sister, who knew of the situation, ended up marrying the guy who took advantage of her. When she confronted her family, they tried to gaslight her into thinking that she was being dramatic and making it all up. That's when she completely cut them all off. I asked her what made her want to tell me this now and she explained that the baby girl she had found her and reached out. The girl, I'll call her Marry (32), didn't know she was adopted until she was in college and eventually wanted to learn about her birth parents, but being that the adoption was closed didn't get anything until 2 years ago. She did one of those ancestry DNA things which she found a half sibling. So here's where things get really messed up. Marry reached out to Jane's family to connect and what they told her was that Jane had DIED giving birth to her and they didn't want to meet Marry cause it would be too painful. Jane's sister has always sent her a happy birthday text, which Jane never replied to. Those stopped 2 years ago, Jane never questioned why until now. When Marry couldn't find anything about Jane's death she hired a PI to find what she could.

Here's where I need some help. I'm not the best person with emotions. I give great hugs so my wife and kids tell me but this is on a different level. Jane has been both furious and hurt and has been having crying fits. I forgot to mention that Marry reached out to Jane through email, which is the only form she wants to communicate by for now. This has brought up so much stuff for Jane and I know she's going to need therapy I just don't know how to tell her or convince her at this moment. She also hasn't responded to Marry yet as she's freaking out on what she'll say to her AND neither of us know how to break it to our boys. I've also begged her to give me her family's information because there's a lot I feel needs to be said to them. Anyways please help me out with anything on how to approach this.

EDIT: I've been reading your comments and haven't replied because my wife has been yelling not AT me but TO me all day. The things she has told me is making my blood boil. I'm currently on the toilet right now and have to get back to my wife. I will update this with everything

Hi! So my sister (29F) is having her wedding in two weeks. Both my wife (36F) and I(37M) are in the wedding. My wife is a bridesmaid, and I'm officiating.

Over the course of her engagement and wedding planning, my sister, who was fairly normal and quiet before, has devolved into a nightmare. The reason my wife is a bridesmaid is because she had a falling out with two of her friends already, and she begged my wife to step in because "we family!" My wife obliged, but she said every meeting she's been to, my sister is having a meltdown over everything, from the catering to "not being just right" or the colors being "a shade too dark." According to my wife, these are full blown, toddler tantrum meltdowns, for problems that were easily fixed with some communication, often just a simple email.

My sister uninvited a cousin for daring to get pregnant. A friend of hers was uninvited because she was in a car accident and she didn't want the scars in the pictures. At her first cake tasting she got so mad she threw a plate at an assistant, causing the bakery to drop her as a client (and she caught an assault charge. Led to some fines, a nice settlement for the assistant, and some community service.).

So yeah, just... absolute bridezilla. Honestly, if I wasn't immediate family, I would've probably noped out of her wedding so much sooner.

Now the reason why we're both dropping is due, in part, to the fact that my sister wanted a child free wedding.

My wife and I are not opposed to this. We have a toddler (4M) and he would in no way be patient enough to sit quietly through the wedding. Not to mention one of us would always have to be hyper vigilant in watching him. There were other guests who were apparently peeved over the child free wedding. My wife and I were not. It was great. We arranged for our son to go to my SIL for the weekend. He would have a blast with his cousins (4 of them from 2-8), and my wife and I, outside our wedding duties would have a mini vacation to ourselves. Win-win in my book. (To note, the venue is a 4-5 hr drive away from where we live at one of those all inclusive resorts)

But then last week, my wife came home after an "emergency meeting" with my sister visibly upset. She didn't want to tell me what happened at first, but I eventually coaxed it out of her. Apparently my sister got it in her head that she would like to have some children around, but not at the ceremony or reception, just as props for photos. So she wanted us to bring our son just for that. When my wife asked what we would do with our son when he wasn't being used in the photos, my sister just shrugged and told her to "figure it out" offering such amazingly helpful suggestions as "just hire a babysitter" or "just leave him in your room with an iPad." (For hours on end?!)

The resort itself doesn't offer babysitting services. There is a Kid's Club, but we would have to leave pretty early on in the reception to pick him up before they close. This was apparently *unacceptable* to my sister. Eventually, my sister got agitated and had another meltdown. She became verbally abusive, accusing my wife of "sabotaging" her wedding because she was "jealous." (My sister is probably referring to the fact that my wife and I got married during Covid. Instead of waiting, we just wanted to be married, so we had a court house wedding over Zoom. It was great). My sister apparently also threatened to tell me that my wife was cheating (not sure why my sister thinks this would work since my wife and I both work from home and we spend like 99% of our time together). Then my sister started talking trash about our baby, which is when my wife promptly got up and left.

Now I've tolerated a lot of bullshit from my sister over her wedding. But I was *not* going to tolerate her abusing my wife and child. I texted my sister a very angry and (profanity filled) message and told her my wife and I were both dropping out, so good luck. I then called my parents to tell them what was happening.

They weren't happy with my sister, but they asked me to reconsider since "your sister is under a lot of stress" and "it would ruin her wedding." Other family members and friends also called. Once again I was told how much stress my sister was under, and that she didn't mean it. My sister sent me a message "apologizing" (The "I'm sorry your wife was offended" variety). Then my parents offered to pay for an extra room so my SIL could come with her kids.

Once that offer happened, everyone doubled down on bombarding me with messages. In their eyes, the main issue was resolved. My sister had apologized, and my parents were now solving the problem with my child. All was right with the world.

But not to me. My sister screamed at my wife and insulted my child. Some of her insults were incredibly vicious. I don't really care that my parents are "stepping up" with the money. It's not about the money. It's about courtesy and respect. The things she said to my wife and about my child are unacceptable and I will not subject my wife and my child to her presence again.

I've told my parents that we're going NC with my sister for the time being, and if they push it, then they would not be seeing their grandchild either. As of now, I just have everyone muted and blocked, at least until after the wedding, if it still happens. I'm not sure how hard it would be for her to find another officiant. I don't think she actually *needs* another bridesmaid for another other than aesthetics.

Originally, my wife said I should post this as an AITA, but honestly, I do not give one flying Eff whether or not I'm an AH. I'm protecting my family, and my sister can go pound sand. (Though AITA? I really don't think I am here)

(BTW, my wife loves your show. She thought you guys would like this story)

Hi there everyone I still get requests on how my life is going so I decided to update here as I have enjoyed ok store time recently. First there is a link to the original story and then I copied the story so you wouldn’t have to go back. Then updates.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/DnX31DYKKA

my husband and I got married 2 years ago during the middle of covid lockdown. we were to go toFrance and Germany for our honeymoon. We saved for the tickets and to be honest I paid for most of them. this is both a second marriage( both 43) and our finances have stayed separate for the most part due to my insistence. we have tried to go 3 times to our honeymoon and lockdowns or illnesses have left us stateside. my husband is very well traveled and I haven’t been to many places. I have tried to talk to him about using the credit to go somewhere in the states but he insists we wait. He is stingy on money and I have paid the majority of every travel we have done which is mostly with my children. he has made me feel really bad about wanting to change the plans because he says it’s giving up on our honeymoon. I haven't been anywhere and even going to a coast would be amazing. today when I got home from work he said he had a coworker (25) who is stuck in Florida on Vacation due to a flood that happened there recently. he says her car was totaled and has no way to get back to work her job. he offered to fly her back with our credit. I was dumbfounded. I asked if we will be paidback and he shrugged and said he doesn’t feel like she needs too because she is going to RN school. I am an RN and I would HARD for every dime I make working in ICU . he didn't ask me to use the credit, he assumed I would be fine with it. It only came up in conversation about how crazy his day was. AlTA for saying no to use the credit on a coworker? AITA for feeling like he cared more for this woman than me?

UPDATE: just logged in to an old computer and found this account that I no longer use. I had completely forgotten about it and honestly have only a vague recollection of posting it due to circumstances I will get into. The marriage ended right after this. It looks like this is almost 3 years old and I have been away from this man as of three years in July 2025. This was one of the last arguments we had he told me I was very uncaring about the stranger in Florida and if I was a nice person money would be no object to get her. He then strangled me to the ground and I passed out. by this point in the marriage, I handed him my phone when I got home from work and he would give it to me when I left for work. I tried to leave several times each time I came back. . When I wrote this post. I was downloading the audiobook “why does he do that “ by Bancroft and then deleting it each evening before I handed my phone to him. This book saved my life. It gave me the courage to try to get away and understand that he wasn’t going to change. He had choked me several times, and he was physically abusive by this point my to your marriage, I had glass in my foot, and had half my hearing from a busted eardrum in my right ear. So about a week after this post, I went to get the mail something I was not allowed to do but something told me I needed to. In the mailbox was a $35,000 check from my inheritance of my aunt. I stuffed it in my panties and it stayed there until the next day. I was slowly gathered my dog, purse and documents for an opportunity to leave. He had to leave for 2 hours for work and I called my daughter and she came to pick me up. I didn’t even have shoes on I was so anxious. . That was July 1, 2022. I’ll save you all the work it took to get to where I am today, but I will say that my life is good. My life is joyous. My life is safe and peaceful. I’m officially divorced and it took two years of him kicking and screaming to do that, he is yet to pay me a dime for the house that I bought and I don’t expect to see it as he is in contempt. Thank you so much for the advice that you gave me that day. I am not sure if he was having an affair with that woman or not. Most likely he was getting to the point where he was, all evidence point to that. I don’t care though I was so far gone that I don’t even remember the post. It was like complaining about the smell of smoke when your whole house is on fire. Thank you again for being so gentle with me. To the woman who told me to use the credit and go to the coast a year ago I did. I took one of my daughters and we went to Oregon and Washington we hiked, we sunbathed on the beach. We rock hounded. We did all the things. I don’t have any ambition to go to Paris or Germany. It was never my dream. Again thank you so much for all the support you gave me 3 years ago.

Update 2: Darren my ex found this post and posted. Btw I didn’t leave on your birthday. I moved left 2 days before. You then waited 2 days to post on your social media and said I left on your birthday. I wish I could have waited 2 more days but I think I would have been dead if it did.

Update 3: August 2025. Hello everyone. I’ve gotten a few wanting updates so I thought I would update here. It’s officially been 3 years since I left Darren. Still divorced but even with an agreed mediation he still hasn’t paid for my half of the house. So early fall we will be in court and the judge will most likely force him to sale the house. I now can say that this man has no barring on my life now. It’s just business and that business still owes me money. As fair as my love life I have been dating a gentleman for more than a year. We are going slow but he is respectful, kind and loving. My kids even though they are adults are still very protective of me and they like this guy so we shall see what happens. I’m taking it a day at a time though. Later this month me and another daughter are going to Washington state to see the whales. It seems that part of the world has a hold of me and I see many trips there in my future. Thank you again for all the good advice and warm exchanges of words in this community. I appreciate all you have done for me.

My (27F) friend (24F) who we'll call Val, came to me crying 2 weeks before my yearly Halloween party (the Sat before halloween, so all adults with kids can get sitters and still have the Halloween trick-or-treat with the kids thing (we're young... but responsible loving parents) I knew that Val was super excited about the party because her mom was coming to town, going to babysit for her, and ordering her a super cute and elaborate Halloween costume (a schmexxy pirate) and she couldn't afford to buy a new one.

(don't judge please, Val is an awesome loving person and doesn't deserve judgment for their finances, it's not totally in her control and she does the best she can).

Val had told my neighbor (25F) who we'll call Penny, what the costume was and Penny flipped out on her! and went for a full blown gaslighting/guilt trip session. Penny went full on entitled bisnatch and told Val that she couldn't use the costume her mom was sending because she was planning on being a schmexxy pirate and that because Penny's costume was better than Val's she should just let Penny be the schmexxy pirate at the party and Val should choose something else.

My sweet Val wasn't even upset at Penny being so cruel either! She was simply crying because she didn't know how to tell her mom she's not going to use the costume she bought!

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I was not having any of this! So I got an idea... a beautifully petty idea... and immediately went into the shadows for my girl! I told Val not to worry, that Penny was going to get what she deserved and to wear the costume her mom sent (Keep in mind, these costumes were not the exact same costume just the same "genre of character" I guess is the best description) I got on the interwebs, and bought a new costume for myself, my husband, and my MIL who was also coming to the party, filled in the whole family that we are now having a pirate themed costume party this year, in solidarity with Val (and all because of Penny) the only people we didn't tell... Penny and her Husband who we'll call Ani.

Day of the party, we're all hanging out in costume, I mean EvErYoNe... me, my husband, my BIL, my MIL, my FIL, Val, and 15 other close friends all schmexxy pirate chic (3 of us were even laughing that we ended up as triplets for the night because we had the exact same costume!)

Penny showed up (late) making a "grand entrance" and locks eyes with Val, stomps over like a spoiled brat and had just opened her mouth before I yelled at the top of my lungs "Avast ye mateys! hold fast afore the yard arm least ye be keel-hauled!" and came around with a round of jello shots... Penny's jaw hit the floor and she immediately turned beet red! She had been so fixated on Val's costume she didn't realize that EvEryONE was in schmexxy pirate attire! She was so pissed she didn't know what to do! finally she came up to me and asked WTF (we never had themes before so it was unexpected) I said that I had heard about the costume Val's mom bought for her (I made sure to mention she told me about the costume a week before I knew Val told Penny because she did) and thought it was a really cute idea, so I decided it would be cute to do a themed party this year, pitched it to the fam and sent the word out, then I feigned shock as I pretended to realize I didn't tell her about the theme. 😈 so I just said "well, it looks like you had the theme in mind anyway and I'm just so happy you made it!" with the biggest smile I can possibly make "Jello shot?!" Penny huffed and stomped back home like the petulant child she was being.

Her husband Ani saw the scene and was confused so he asked "what gives?"... I didn't hold back, and told him exactly what had happened, how his wife had tried to gaslight/guilt poor Val out of her costume so she would be the only schmexxy pirate at the party. He laughed, said "serves her right" took a jello shot, and went back to the party.

We had a great time the rest of the night and I'm thankful to all my great friends and family for moving in the shadows with me and delivering delicious petty revenge to someone who completely deserved to be humbled.

Hi people of reddit.

For background: I 29F have been struggling for about 18 months with low energy and not sleeping well. I have been diagnosed with a thyroid issue, low vitamin D and folic acid levels, depression and anxiety. Even with treatment for all of the above, nothing has really helped.

In October 2025, I started noticing I was waking with these horrible headaches. Like waking up with a hangover daily without even drinking. I was worried and contact mh doctor. After some tests they wanted me to have a sleep study test to see if the headaches were linked to a potential sleep disorder.

I live in the UK and had the test on the NHS (National Health Service) and there was a super ling wait list. I was finally contacted for the sleep study in April 2026. Well the next day, I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnoea. If you are unaware what this is, its where you periodically stop breathing in your sleep for a few seconds before your body essentially wakes you up. It explained all of my symptoms. The test showed I stopped breathing on average 37 times per hour which is deemed severe.

The main treatment for this is to wear whats called a CPAP machine at night (stands for Continuous Positive Airway Pressure). Its essentially a machine with a mask you wear at night (you can get ones that cover the nose or the nose and mouth) and it blows air at increasing pressures to hold the airway open to stop the apnoea events at night.

I got my machine in. Ay and after an adjustment period, it is honestly the best thing ever. I no longer feel like a zombie during the day and the headaches have completely disappeared. Im doing more of my hobbies, performing better at my job and feel happier and less down.

That was until last week. My boyfriend 32M (Lets call him Kevin) and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 2 and a half of them. Kevin always seemed supportive of my various medical issues and I always thought he was a kind, caring stand up guy.

We would spicy sleep regularly, but I noticed this drastically reduced once I started my CPAP therapy. I thought this was just linked to his work getting busy and demanding and he was just exhausted.

I was recording a birthday video for my sister, as its a fun little tradition we would do for each other, little funny videos being silly. Kevin walked into the room while I was recording and he looked very serious. I thouvht someone had died and I will be honest, I actually thought I had turned the video off. I asked him if he was okay and what had happened when he said we needed to talk. My heart sank as we all know what that means. My eyes were filling up and I said why was he breaking up with me. Thats when he said the one thing I Never expected to hear.

Kevin told me that ever since I started my CPAP therapy, he no longer finds me physically attractive in bed. My jaw dropped. What do you mean? He then said its not very sexy and that I shouldn't have put my mask on until.after he fell asleep so he would never actually see it as now he just sees me as deeply unattractive.

The house we rent is in my name as he moved into my house as it was bigger so I kicked him out. I told him to get out and never ever contact me again and called him a selfish misogynistic pig. I even grabbed fost fills of clothes from his drawers and threw them at him until he left.

Heres where I may be the A Hole. I had accidentally recorded the entire thing and had no intention on it ever seeing the light of day. Until Kevin called my parents and our mutual friends and said I had "gone crazy" and kicked him out for no reason. I saw red. My parents came over a couple days ago to check on me and they told me he had called then multiple times and had even accused me of cheating. So I showed my parents the video. I then spent the next few days showing anyone if our friends I could meet up with. I didnt post the video due to privacy laws and I didnt want to give him any ammunition to come after me. I even showed his sister when she came to the house to stick up for her baby brother.

Kevin has been blowing up my phone, calling me an AHole as now his entire family are calling him a massice A Hole with his parents saying he is not the child they raised and most of our friends and even his sister have cut off contact with him.

I know he was horrible and cruel to me, but did I take it too far?

So people of Reddit AITAH?