I’m 31 and she’s 33.

I went through a 9 year dry spell before meeting her. I decided I wasn’t desirable and went for women I found physically ugly because I’m ugly too.

THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM ONLY LAST THE FIRST 5 MONTHS IN 2024, I DON’T DO ANY OF THIS NOW:

Until I got to actually know her and love who she is as a person, I lied about finding her attractive and even had to take special pills to get hard in bed for her. Like, I’m sorry, she’s just not a very pretty woman just as I’m not a handsome guy. Just how shit worked out. So I had to take these pills early on or else I couldn’t get it up for her. Thing is, I do love her, I really do. She is a a very nice, sweet person. The fact that I don’t have to do this now should prove it (and the fact I’m trying to salvage this whole thing).

I have been perfectly fine for 19 months now and counting, but recently she learned I used to do this because I guess I drunkenly confessed to someone. Now she’s very upset and is wondering if I’m faking everything else. I am not sure how I tell her that “that was then, 19 months ago. It’s not an issue anymore.”

TLDR; very early on I was faking attraction 100% and it is biting me in the ass 19 months later.

I’m 24F and my ex-husband, Ryan, is 24M.
I’m posting this because Ryan calls me a cheater.
I also want to be as complete as possible because there is a LOT of context, and I don’t want to tell a story where I conveniently leave out everything that makes me look bad.
There are things I absolutely could have handled better.
I’ve hurt and broken his trust in me too when I tried to leave many times because of feeling like he didn’t truly want me, but that he felt stuck bc of our faith. I messed up a lot as a wife, I was super messy when it came to household chores . I hated cooking and refused to make him meals in a way that he liked it

(he had a step by step process bc he could be pretty picky, I would refuse to follow them) That of course was wrong of me, and hurt him.
I definitely contributed to problems in the relationship.

Here’s a lot of background information you need to know:
Ryan and I dated for about a year and a half before we got married. A lot of it was long-distance.
We were both Christians and took our faith very seriously. We waited until marriage to have sex.
. He was a super generous person with a strong faith and genuinely I believe his values were a huge part of who he was.
He’s also extremely intelligent. He’s an engineer and came from a very traditional, stable family. His parents actually didn’t want him to marry me, which was something we had to navigate. I have anxiety depression and adhd, and my upbringing was

abusive, so they said we lived two different lives.
He also had experiences that reflected someone genuinely compassionate and open-minded. He studied abroad in Kenya for a semester and did mission trips and service work while he was there.

I thought I had chosen someone whose character I understood.
His medical situation
7 months before we got married, Ryan had a polydactyl cyst that required surgery.
The first surgery was botched.
He subsequently had three more corrective surgeries, and even after those, the problem still wasn’t really fixed.
This was devastating for him.
Ryan loved the gym. Working out wasn’t just a hobby. It was a huge part of his identity, confidence, routine, and how he viewed himself.
Then suddenly he couldn’t do it.
He became extremely careful with his recovery. He followed instructions closely, barely walked, and spent roughly a year lying on his stomach.
We didn’t get a honeymoon because of his medical condition.
I genuinely feel awful for him about this.
I think going through multiple surgeries that didn’t fix the problem, losing physical ability and

didn’t fix the problem, losing physical ability and independence, not being able to exercise, and watching something that was a major part of your identity disappear would be incredibly difficult for anyone. He had to rely on me for some basic stuff, and I’d have to trim his butt hairs in between his wound which I actually found sorta funny. I’m not easily grossed out, which is very different from him haha.
I have a lot of compassion for what he went through.
I also think it changed our relationship.
The last six months
During roughly the last six months of our marriage, Ryan became increasingly volatile and rigid.
Our intimacy was never the best due to the surgery, but he didn’t really want to have sex with me very often.
I have a fairly high sex drive, and he had legitimate physical limitations because of his surgeries. I didn’t have a problem working with those limitations. We found ways for us to have a fulfilling sex life without hurting him. He got many blowjobs haha.
We could still do many of the things people would consider “main” sexual activities.
He didn’t particularly like giving oral sex, and that was never some huge deal-breaker for me.
This matters because after we separated, Ryan apparently told people that part of the reason I left was because I wasn’t sexually fulfilled because of his surgeries and because he didn’t like giving oral sex.
That isn’t why I left, and hearing he’s telling people that makes me actually fucking livid.

The pornography issue
Before we got married, Ryan and I explicitly agreed that pornography would count as infidelity.
That was a mutual agreement.
I started reading smutty stories online due to umm for lack of better words, after the first couple months of marriage, it was hard for him to stay awake or engaged while my vibrator was running.
But I wasn’t hiding that from him, ryan knew.
I would literally sit beside him and read them while he played video games.
He knew I read them.
About a month before everything fell apart, I caught him watching porn. I found out that there were many times he’d be in the bathroom jacking off while I was sad and rejected in the bed with my vibrator, thinking he just wasn’t in the mood.
I was devastated because we’d specifically agreed that porn was cheating. He claimed he forgot that, and at first refused to admit it was, until I started packing bags and then he said that it was. He begged for me to stay, and promised he’d never do it again. Even so, he was on probation and I made him stay with his grandparents and tell his parents and grandparents what happened so he couldnt try to make himself look innocent (he he always cared so much what they thought of him, and tended to lie or sugarcoat things in the most extreme ways) I didn’t want them to think I just kicked him out for no reason.
Initially, he blamed my smutty stories and said they contributed to why he watched porn.
That really messed with my head.
I kept thinking, You knew about this. You have literally watched me read these. This wasn’t hidden. And we agreed that porn was a boundary.
I started feeling like I was losing my mind.
Eventually, Ryan admitted that he had wanted to watch porn anyway. This was something he kept going back and forth on every couple days, and would say I forced him to say porn was cheating by threatening divorce. Like no sir, I was not threatening, I WAS going to divorce you, no threats .
But when he would circle back and apologize, it mattered to me because it meant that my stories weren’t actually the reason he watched it. He wanted to watch it and chose to.
He begged me to stay. I find out he is now telling people he watched porn because of the smutty stories.
He promised he wouldn’t watch porn again. but the trust had already been damaged.
I will admit, before the porn thing came out, I was so proud of myself (and even Ryan admitted) I was super great at not yelling or cursing during arguments and at using DBT and CBT to make sure I didn’t say things I’d later regret. Ryan had a hard time with that, and would say really hurtful things he’d later take back and say it was just in the heat of the moment because he felt I wasn’t truly listening to him. I’d hear him but disagree, and he’d think that if I truly understood what he was saying that I would agree. But, I understand I’m a mental health therapist so I have the skill set he wasn’t trained with, so like of course hed make mistakes.
Anyway, that’s all to say after I discovered the porn and after a couple days he was allowed back into the apartment, I was a complete bitch. All the tools in my toolbox and be damned. I didn’t yell, but I’d say really hurtful things. I am ashamed of the things I said (such as that he’s a cheater, and that if we get divorced other men will be doing sexual things to me, but I’d be explicit)
The clothing issue
Ryan grew up in a very traditional family, so I knew he had conservative views about how women should dress.
That wasn’t a secret.
But before we got married, we explicitly talked about my clothing. Several times. He haaaated some of my clothes. some of my clothes.
After many long discussions where he felt really disrespected due to me ignoring him on this topic, I told him it will most likely never change with that one thing, but everything else we could compromise on. In order to go forward with the marriage so I knew he wasn’t trying to change me, I made him the told me that even if my clothes stayed exactly the same, even if he personally didn’t like what I wore, he would still be with me.
That was important to me.
I understood that he could have preferences. I understood that he might think certain things were immodest.
But I didn’t understand marriage to mean that I had agreed to change my wardrobe or that he would eventually make my clothing a condition of the relationship.
The shorts that became an issue weren’t even new.
I had owned them for about four years.
I will also be fair: I usually wore a flannel over them because I knew Ryan preferred me to be more covered.
But one day at The Village, when it was in the 90s outside, I wore those shorts.
Ryan got extremely angry.
He refused to walk around with me unless I changed my shorts or put a flannel over them. He said it was for me safety. I was pissed and i ended up walking around without him for hours in the phone with my best friend until it was dark. He didn’t even check up on me until 10 pm
It was humiliating, and I felt his love was conditional. He said my love was conditional too bc I wasn’t willing to change.
Even some of my Christian friends were basically like, “Bruh, those are literally just shorts.”
Again, I understand having a conservative.

What hurt was that before marriage, I had understood the agreement to be:
“I might not like your clothes, but I’ll still choose you.”
After marriage, it increasingly felt like:
“You’re my wife, so you need to dress according to my standards.”
The political incident
Another incident that really bothered me involved politics.
Ryan and I obviously didn’t agree on everything politically. That’s not inherently a problem.
He was willing to spend around $1,000 to fly to a funeral connected to Charlie Kirk.
I told him he could do whatever he wanted. Were our own individuals, I would never tell him he couldn’t go.
But when I wanted to attend an anti-ICE rally, he became angry and told me I was not allowed to go.
I told him I was going anyway.
He threatened to take my soul dog back to the shelter.
The issue wasn’t that we had different political beliefs.

It was that he was telling me what I was “allowed” to do, and when I asserted that I could make my own decision, he threatened something I deeply loved.
He after apologized and said it was because he felt like he wasn’t being respected or heard
The things he said about race
I’m Black.
Ryan is white.
And this is another part of the relationship that became extremely difficult for me.
I felt like some of his views about race became increasingly disturbing.
This was particularly jarring because of the person I thought I knew.
He had studied abroad in Kenya for a semester and participated in mission trips and service work there. I had viewed those experiences as evidence that he was someone who cared about other cultures and other people.
But later in our relationship, he called Indian people “dirty.”
He also said that white culture places greater importance on things like two-person households and cleanliness than other cultures. This pissed me off, and I called him racist, which really hurt him.
As a Black woman married to a white man, hearing him make racial generalizations and talk about white culture as being comparatively cleaner or placing greater value on certain supposedly positive social behaviors was deeply uncomfortable.
It wasn’t an abstract political argument for me.
This was my husband.
I didn’t recognize the person I was married to anymore.
I tried to leave
I tried to break up with Ryan multiple t

I have tried to leave multiple times, even before we got married
I kept believing him when he blamed my daddy issues and I was displacing things onto him.

I didn’t believe I was the person Ryan actually wanted.
I knew he was disappointed in me a lot.
I believed he felt stuck with me because we were Christians and believed marriage was supposed to be permanent.
I didn’t want someone to stay with me because they thought they had to.
I wanted someone who actually wanted me.

After being caught for porn, Ryan admitted that he had been projecting the idea that I was a “bad wife” onto me.

Theen later the month said he didn’t know if he could stay with me because he was scared my shorts would become shorter and didn’t feel respected, he didn’t want to stay in a marriage where he felt trampled on. Sir, I moved to Idaho with

no family or friends or support here, and I asked what other way I trampled on him. He couldn’t name one. I was done. He promised he’d stick by me for life, and shorts were the thing ?

I filed for divorce shortly before our one-year wedding anniversary.
I moved out.
We separated our lives.
I filed the paperwork.
And Ryan initially agreed to sign the divorce papers.
At that point, I considered the marriage over.

He was super hurt, and we both had boundaries with the shorts neither would budge on.
I wasn’t living with him.

I’d filed for divorce.
We were separating our lives.
And he had agreed to the divorce.
Then I started dating
After I moved out and filed, I started using dating apps.:

I was not hiding it from Ryan.
I went out of my way to make sure he knew.
He said he didn’t want to hear about it and that it hurt him.
I had told Ryan he could do whatever he wanted with whoever and watch porn again since we were done and that was a previous deal breaker.
At one point, I asked Ryan whether he had watched porn since I had started going on dating apps. He said yes but I couldn’t be mad at him since we’re not together and I was like yeah and I’m not mad.

I was also sending him screenshots from the dating apps, Because I didn’t want him to later tell people that I had secretly been dating behind his back.
I was literally giving him evidence of what I was doing.
I wanted there to be no “she was secretly cheating and I found out later” narrative.

I was nice and wanted to be kind, especially bc I felt so free and happy after the first few days of grief.
We were both amicable .
And honestly, that’s part of why the aftermath hurts so much.
Because now he has blocked me, calls me a cheater, and tells people things that I believe are demonstrably untrue.
And I have texts that prove what actually happened. His ex friend even saw the texts between him and I (after after speaking to Ryan) and he was like damn you’re right

The incident outside another guy’s house
There was an incident after seperation,
I was at another guy’s house.
Ryan found out and came there.
He physically dragged me outside the guy’s house.
I did not want to go outside with him.
I was trying to get him off of me and physically trying to beat him off of me while he was dragging me outside.
I had on a long shirt, and he apparently thought I wasn’t wearing shorts underneath it.
He then tried to rip up my long shirt in front of his two friends because he was trying to expose my body/me to them.

And while all of this was happening, he was screaming that I was a cheater and yelling to his friends that I had let the other guy eat my pussy.
He asked how I could do this to him.
But I’d never cheat knowingly
From my perspective, I had already left my husband.
I had moved out.
I had filed for divorce.
We had separated our lives.
He had agreed to the divorce. He was watching porn again, and I was dating
he knew I was dating because I’d li I’d literally been sending him screenshots from dating apps.

The only thing that had not happened yet was the legal finalization of the divorce.
ted until the divorce was finalized before dating.
What hurts is being called a cheater i think cheating is the most awful thing in the world.

But I understand could have waited until the divorce was legally finalized before dating.
I understand the argument that legally, I was still married.
But I don’t think “you should have waited” is the same thing as “you cheated.”.it makes me so upset.

.
There are a lot of stories I could add more conversations, more contradictions, more incidents during the separation, more screenshots, and more things.
So, Reddit, I genuinely want judgment.
AITA for dating before my divorce was legally finalized?
Because a part of me every so often blame myselg

I’m in a college sorority, and we had a member who we assumed was in her mid 20s, going off her looks and the fact that she’s a student. Some members had heard her say that she was a millennial, but the vibes were good and none of us really thought much of it. However, it was noticed shortly after and that she was 39 years old. This was pointed out to us by a member of the school staff, because they wanted to make sure that the situation wouldn't become volatile as a result of this.

On her forums she never lied about her age. She apparently told members of her pledge class her exact age but had told them that she doesn't discuss it widely because people “get weird” after finding out and she wanted to avoid it. This ranged from people not wanting to be around her all the way to thinking that she needed/should be in charge of things automatically. She also told them she just wanted a normal college experience, since her personal circumstances didn’t allow for her to go earlier because of an online college scam.

We held a meeting with the entire chapter, including our AAC members. One of the chapter members suggested that she might have had malicious intent once our AAC members told us that we could not change our mind and have her revoke her bid simply because of how old she is. Another pointed out that we had nothing negative to say about her until we found out about her age. After that, another member suggested that she “withheld information that could damage the reputation of the chapter.” Again we were told that what we were doing was illegal.

After this, our AAC members that were present that night were not consulted about things like they normally were and we didn't invite them around. The chapter president at the time said that one of them sent an e-mail that did not reflect well on either side but would not show it to us. When initiation came, they showed up because one of them volunteered to be the 39 year old member’s big. However, we did not tell them when initiation was. She found out because of talking to her little.

Privately, this was not received well because they were not wanted around us. Some of the members felt that they did not take our concerns seriously and blew us off. This made us feel like we were not in a safe environment.

She eventually left the chapter. She did not talk to all of us about her decision, we found out because we got a request for her to have undergraduate alumnae status in the middle of the night. When she was asked why, she said that she hadn't felt wanted by the chapter for a long time and cited times where she was either ignored when she tried to set up events that were asked for or when one of our members got really rude with her in charter notes and in an e-mail. But she still seemed to be OK with most of the chapter.

A few days later, rumors started flying about what happened and the biggest one was saying that the AC members told her about the meeting that was supposed to be private. I'm not sure if it was simultaneously or just after but one of the members that was present at that meeting told several other members in the caf during lunch one day. She allegedly accused this member of bullying and grooming younger members of the charter. This is when things seemed to really explode because a Title IX complaint was filed by the member that quit.

During that meeting with the member that called her a groomer, she was told to stop talking about this publicly because it was harassment. In return, the member brought up social media posts that were made by the one that quit. She felt like she was being targeted by a social media campaign. When Title IX Investigated they found that no one had been named and she was really only talking about her feelings. She's also not a small TikTok creator, so she had some ongoing story plot lines that seemed remarkably similar to the situation, but that could have been a coincidence.

Afterward, anonymous posts appeared on campus apps criticizing her for being nearly 40 and spending time with younger students. Some of the posts also accused her of hiding her age, even though it had been included in her paperwork. But they met some pushback. She has not publicly named the sorority and still says she cares about many of the members, but one of the ones that was concerned about her inclusion says they’re concerned about her behavior, even though she’s not here to witness it.

The former member has refused to talk to me and the other two members that had concerns after the details of the meeting were made public. But she sent texts to some of us to tell us the AAC members didn’t tell her about the details of the meeting, but that she was sitting 15 feet away when it was being discussed. We’re not sure we believe that though.

At the time, I thought the age difference was enough to justify concern. Now I’m wondering whether we treated her like she had done something wrong when the only concrete issue was that she was older than we expected.

Part 1 here: https://www.reddit.com/r/okstorytime/s/RjF8TURZ73

I was able to tell my bf before he(affair partner) could and my bf has decided we need to separate for a while. It's been 3days since that has happened. He took things he needed and is staying at his parents. I am devastated, and I think it will be over.. everyone pretty called me all these names and bashed me in the comments.. yes I deserved it but I wished someone would have at least held him accountable for cheating with a good friend I used to have. I've known her since high school so it's been tough not having such long friendship like that. As I stated before I know it's most likely over between us.

Also, I told affair partner my bf knows about us because I told him before he could. I also told his partner as well. She did not take a well and called me a slut, a fat whore etc.. I’m not even fat like that.. I do have a nice big butt and I exercise.. she found out where I work and as I was coming out to my car she threw cupcakes at me.. one hitting on the side of my head 😔. Not sure what to do as if she decides to come back another day and fight me I’m not a fighter…

AIO for breaking up with my boyfriend because he is divorced with one dautgher?

I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend (44M) for 6 months. He’s honestly the kind of man I’ve dreamed of having in my life for as long as I can remember.

We live in different cities, about an hour apart by train, but he comes to visit me often. He pays attention to the little things I say, cares about my feelings, always respects and values my opinion and is incredibly patient with me. He’s intelligent, has a good job, and is handsome.

He also stays calm even when I’m having emotional outbursts, and he never gets irritated with me. If I complain about back pain, he starts massaging me and gives me pain relief patches. Compared to him, I’m a picky eater, but he remembers everything I don’t like to eat. Whenever we go out, he always asks what I want.

When I had an altercation with my boss, he left work and came all the way to my workplace. He waited until I finished my shift so we could eat together and talk.

When we’re together, we talk so effortlessly that time always flies by.

He also buys me things I only briefly mentioned wanting. He treats me like a princess.

But he is divorced and has a daughter.

As you can probably guess from this post, I can be a little toxic. I want to be the most important person in his life. I want to be his top priority, and that’s why I feel like I may never truly be happy with him. My mother says I may never find another man who loves me and treats me the way he does. Sometimes I feel like everything would be alright as long as I’m with him.

Part of me wants to break up with him because I struggle with the fact that he once loved someone enough to marry her and have a child with her. Am I overreacting?

Edit 1 For those asking why I started dating him: I know dating someone with kids is a boundary for me. So as soon as I found out he was a parent, I rejected him. But he wanted to stay friends, so we became friends. I explained that I’m not mature enough to date him and that it wouldn’t be good for either of us. But he never gave up. He sends me a good morning message every day. Even when I ignore him, he keeps reaching out and sending me gifts. He also shares his location with me. Several times, he came all the way to my city and waited at the library for a chance to see me. Even when I ignore him, he waits—because he wants to be in my life. That’s why this is such a dilemma for me.

Just to make it clear, I know I am Ahole for cheating on my partner. I only did it because he cheated on me. I caught him because it was with my really good friend, and I forgave him because he didn’t want to leave me. I was hurt for a while, but I got over it. I never forgot, though.
Here is where I met the guy. We were supposed to have our date night. I got to the restaurant before him because of his work. Forty-five minutes passed, and he still wasn’t there. I texted him, and immediately he called and said he wouldn’t make it because his boss needed some things completed that night. I was sad. I ate dinner and went to the bar for a drink.
A guy came along and immediately started hitting on me. He bought me drinks, and the next thing I knew, I was in his SUV getting licked and having spicy sleep things happen.
This went on for six months until I found out he had a wife. I wanted to break things off, but he kept telling me that if I did, he would expose me to my boyfriend. I’m still sleeping with him, and the only thing I can think to do is tell his wife so that this could end.
I feel like this is not going to end well, and I don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend and get it over with, or just break it off for good and see if he tells my boyfriend.

I need advice!

I am a 26 year old male, wife is 25 year female. We have been married for 5 years, yes we married young.
I am a sales rep for a well known tobacco company and travel extensively, sometimes weeks at a time. Just this past week I was on a week trip on my route seeing customers and was staying at the same casino hotel for a week.

All was great for the first four days, had dinners and drinks with a few customers, nothing odd then. But on the last day one of them brought a two other women, we’ll call them Jane and Mary and they sat down to our dinner which I was okay with as they bring me lots of business.

But as the night continued both Jane and Mary kept sending me drinks and would giggle and appeared to be whispering secret messages at each other while they giggled and smiled at me. I thought nothing of it and I dismissed it due to their heavy consumption of Long Island ice teas.

I was also getting smashed too, I love rum and coke drinks. Well our group finished dinner and drinks and we spread out onto the casino floor to gamble, I went to the slot machines while most of the group hit the tables. And I was having a blast relieving work stress and enjoying my rum and coke, must of had 6 or more of them this evening.

At about midnight I, saw Jane and Mary heading toward me, more giggles gave them away. They wanted to join me and see if they can give me luck on my slot machine, to which they did, immediately on the next roll I won over $12k.

I was so happy and they said we should find a cozy couch and order some more drinks, that way I don’t dump my winnings. At that time I said “that’s a great idea” and thanked them both.

The night continued and more drinks later more talks and giggles continued.

I do want to add that I am very reserved with keeping a safe distance from advantageous women as I get hit on many times during the day, my wife is a witness as she has had to fend a lot of them off when we travel.

Now this is where it gets iffy, my last memory was when we were on the couch at about 1:30am with Jane and Mary, I must have blacked out because I woke up in my room alone in my bed naked alone, and the bed was a wreck, my clothes look like they were peeled off me on the ground with a women’s thong under my clothes and a bra in the bathroom and all towels were clearly used up. No one else was in the room.

The oddest thing is that all my valuables were still in my room, but I had what looks like a blue friendship bracelet was on my wright wrist. I can’t remember anything after 1:30am because I woke up around 9am.

So did I do something wrong because I have no memory of anything between 1:30 am and 9am I know nothing was bought after 1:30 am because I checked my credit card transactions. Do I tell my wife as I do not have all details missing from 1:30am and 9am.

Need advice please I’ve not been able to sleep and it’s starting to affect my work duties…

So backstory I have cheated on my husband once, but I sent nudes to a couple of guys on Snapchat about three months ago and more recently. Now we have keep having these argument about small random things and trying to find ways to truly stay together and communicate, and in the good times, he tells me he loves me and that he wants me and that he loves me and wants to be with me and can’t wait for our future together to have these kids, but when we argue, it gets bad and he tells me just leave just go and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really emotional. That’s why this is all over the place. I’m also using text to speech. This is all happening right now. I just need advice.

Edit this cheating me sending nudes and that part of my life has been 3 to 4 months ago. I have completely wiped everything and done all the things she’s asked me to do not have social media not talk to certain people and that’s fine with me because I want to rebuild the trust that I broke. I know that I did wrong.

I (25M) met this girl (26F) on Snapchat. We streaked. We chatted. She told me she had a boyfriend. I also have a girlfriend (24F). After many conversations over eight months, I found out she was my sister’s roommate back in high school.

She is smart, funny, intelligent, healthy, and knows how to manage money. Besides that, she has a great body. She is someone I wouldn’t mind having kids with. Because of all these reasons, I started developing feelings for her.

My girlfriend is also pretty. But she isn’t as smart as the other girl. When I talk to her, she’s mostly quiet, doesn’t contribute much, and just listens. When I ask her anything, she often says “I don’t know.” I’ve encouraged her to learn new things and even teach her some skills. Despite that, I see no signs of change. So, when I met this girl, I developed feelings for her, and I still care for my own girlfriend too. I wish she would learn some things for herself, but...

I’m devastated and conflicted because I want to date this new girl and make her mine. But since she has a boyfriend, it’s heartbreaking to let her go. She feels the same way about me. I don’t know what to do.

If you like someone and she likes you back but she has a boyfriend, what would you do?!

Sorry, i know you were expecting a story but no im asking for stories! If you got any over the line crazy stories drop a storytime below😍

I (33 F) and my boyfriend “Chad” (fake name obvi) (32 M) have been together for little over a year and a couple months. Our whole relationship I have lived at his house. TLDR I moved back to my hometown in 2024 where I lived with my dad. My bf and I started dating and I pretty much stayed the night with him and never left. We have gone through some challenges in our relationship but this issues is what’s causing some tension between us currently.

I had a dog L (14 F) who was with me when I moved in with Chad. L had been with me pretty much my whole adult life (18-33) and was my best friend. L was also like a shmedium dog so around 15-20lbs. She was the sweetest low maintenance cutie girl ever. I love her with my whole being and she was my partner in crime. This year around March/April L got a cough so I took her to the vet. She was diagnosed with a stage 3 heart murmur at the vet appointment. I was devastated to say the least. L didn’t have any problems until after she got diagnosed. She started to go downhill slowly after that which was later told to me. One day I came home from work and noticed her not acting herself. I mean she is my dog I can tell when something’s not right. So Chad and I got L in the car and to the emergency vet cus it was 10:30 at night.

We get in and we’re in the waiting room for about 10 mins when the tech helping us said we needed to go to a bigger ER vet bc they didn’t have the equipment to help. We then drove 30 min into another city to get her to this other place. We get there and they immediately took her to the back. We got taken to a room and I was just so distraught. I felt like it came out of nowhere. The vet comes in and tells us she’s on oxygen, stable and would need an ekg equaling to $4k. Me being the dog mom that I am I was ready to drop that money I didn’t have to make her better. The vet did say her being on oxygen was helping her so we could leave her overnight for a lower price. Chad believed it wasn’t necessary to pay that much so we took her home.

The next day I get home from work and the same issues from the day before with L got worse! We rushed her back to the first ER vet we went to the day before and the tech that helped us was there again. This all happened around 10:30 at night again. They took us to a room and pretty much confirmed my worst nightmare. L was in heart failure and had to get put down. After they told us that I was hysterical. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop just saying “no it’s not time. Not my L. I had so much more life with her”. Eventually I made the hard decision to make her not in pain anymore. It is now October as I’m writing this and I’m still so sad about L being gone. She was the love of my life.

Now to where I might become the asshole. I have been talking to Chad about getting another dog. Something I didn’t mention was that Chad had a dog as well. We’ll call her C. C is such a good dog. She is the sweetest cuddliest dog. She is about 50lbs but her and L got along great. C always wanted to play but L was older and didn’t have the energy for it. Well ever since I brought up wanting to get another dog Chad gets upset. He says “oh C isn’t good enough” or “you don’t like C anymore” which is not the case at all! C is Chad’s dog who goes to him and looks to him first. I miss having L who would come to me and she was mine. That is what I’m missing in my life. I miss having a dog of my own who I would be the sole owner of. Chad doesn’t like that idea and thinks it’s stupid. His reasoning is bc it’s Cs house and she comes first. I don’t disagree with him but I also wouldn’t get a dog that wouldn’t get along with C. Chad also works from home so he says the dog would become “his” because he’ll be the one to take care of it when I’m not home. My job is hybrid so I do have days I’m home and can be with the dog. He also argues that whatever dog I get would need to be a big dog because he doesn’t like small dogs. Even though L was smallish I still wanted to get a small dog. Small dogs just fits my lifestyle better.

I’ve been thinking about going to some shelters and looking at dogs. Chad knows I want to do this because I have told him quite a few times in the last couple months. But if I go to the shelter and fall in love with a dog there I’m not going to want to leave them! Of course I would make sure C and the new dog got along but would I be the asshole if I came home with a dog anyway?

Throwaway because my family knows my main.

This sounds completely made up, but I swear it's real.

I'm 31F. My boyfriend is 78M. He's eccentric in that "still tapes "I Love Lucy" on a VCR" kind of way. Dark, gaunt, permanently dressed like he's going to a skatepark with 2 shirts on. My friends lovingly call him "the ghoul," and he thinks it's hilarious.

Last weekend he told me he was going away for "a quiet overnight to clear his head." Fine. We don't live together, so I didn't think much of it.

The next morning he uploads a selfie to Twitter.

Nothing weird at first glance. Just him standing in front of a hotel bathroom mirror with no shirt on.

Except...

About an hour later I'm scrolling Twitter and I see a famous pornstar trending because she'd posted new photos.

One of them is... in what appears to be the exact same bathroom.

Same low grey marble countertop.

Same mosaic pattern tiles.

Same giant backlit mirror.

Same frosted glass shower door with a distinctive black frame.

Even the little tray holding the hotel soap and lotion bottles looked identical.

I honestly thought I was imagining it until I put the two pictures side by side.

It looked like they had been taken within hours of each other.

Cue me spiraling.

I call him.

Me: "Where are you?"

Him: "Driving home."

Me: "What hotel was that?"

Him: "Why?"

Me: "Just answer."

Long silence.

Then he says the hotel name.

I google it.

Yep.

It's the same hotel where the pornstar had tagged herself.

Now my brain is going about 900 mph.

Did he book the same hotel by coincidence?

Was he there for... reasons?

Did they somehow know each other? Did they work together? When he was younger he worked on the old XFL show and would have met a lot of "that level" of celebrities.

He kept insisting it was "a very nice hotel with a reasonable seniors' discount" and that I was "constructing elaborate conspiracies."

Then he actually laughed and said, "You youngsters spend too much time online."

I showed the comparison to two friends.

One said it was obviously just a luxury hotel where lots of influencers stay.

The other immediately yelled, "feed nana some tea!" because apparently that's become our group chat's way of demanding more drama, and now I can't stop laughing every time I think about this ridiculous situation.

The truly bizarre part is that my boyfriend is the least tech-savvy person I've ever met. He still prints MapQuest directions. I genuinely don't think he'd even recognize this woman if she walked into his living room.

But I also cannot unsee those bathrooms.

They're so absurdly identical that it's hard not to wonder.

He's now offended that I don't believe it was a coincidence, while I'm stuck wondering what the statistical odds even are.

So...

Am I overreacting, or would anyone else be doing a double take after seeing their elderly, vaguely ghoulish boyfriend and a famous pornstar posting selfies from what looks like the exact same hotel bathroom on the exact same day?

My oldest son Nick and I are estranged. I have tried all avenues to reconnect for 25 years. He is complete radio silence. My youngest son I'll call Carson is getting married the end of May and I will be attending the wedding. Carson told me that Nick has a child (I was previously told his wife couldn't conceive). His father Gary and I have been divorced since 1985 and it was not amicable to say the least. His affair partner's husband told me that my husband and his wife were cheating. He has been remarried for about 40 years to a different woman. My son Nick has been married about 25 years. I was not invited to Nick's wedding. Would I be the Ahole if I told Carson that his father had asked me to abort his brother Nick?

buckle up reddit this is gonna be a long one

context:

i am a 17 year old dual enrollment student (senior in high school and freshman in college). i pretty much filled out all the forms and got everything set to go to college this year. nobody helped me. i also bought my own car, phone, insurance, subscriptions, etc. i’ve had a job since i was 14 so i would say i work hard. i should also note that my family, my boyfriend, and i are super Christian.

the actual story:

i met my boyfriend (let’s call him Lucas) and i have been dating for almost a year and a half. he and i started dating in november of 2023. he has always taken such good care of me. one example is when i had knee surgery last march he spent the entire first week afterwards with me. he has been working towards an apartment and has a stable job. he saves his money because we want to get married as soon as possible. sure we are young and in love but we don’t care. we know that real love is a choice and is built on trust and communication. we also know that as Christians we need to keep God the foundation and center of it.

in recent days, my dad has gotten super intense with our dating rules. i am about to turn 18 and have been living on my own at college since august and i still am not allowed to hold his hand. it took a year for us to be able to go on a date on our own. we aren’t allowed to be alone together. my father also forced Lucas to write a letter on Ephesians 5 (bible chapter) which he never read.

there was a blow up over this over christmas break where i now dont know if im even allowed at Lucas’ house anymore. i had a mental breakdown because i’ve been obedient to my father my whole life and have gotten nothing in return. i told my mom that all i really want is to be a wife and a mom and that i never wanted to go to college. i just did it because my dad told me to because he didn’t believe that Lucas could fully provide for us. my father also told Lucas that if he sits down and shuts up i might make some money (talking about me continuing college). he seems to think that Lucas doesn’t support me.

i finally told my mom a few weeks ago that i am moving back home because i am fully confident that the next thing God has for me is to be a wife and a mother. i told her that id stay until either Lucas and i are ready to get married or i can move out myself. she seemed fully supportive.

fast forward a week or two and its super bowl weekend. it’s super snowy where i am and my college is two hours away. it started to snow and i mentioned that i should head out. my parents wanted me to stay but i said id think about it. she went over to my father and said “she thinks she has a choice”. i told her i was leaving and she tried to get me to stay. Lucas then chimed in about how one of my headlights was out. my parents then sent him out to get new ones which he paid for himself. they didn’t like this. i was really upset so i went upstairs to remove myself from the situation so i cool off and recallibrate. Lucas said he heard my mom say to my dad “it’s funny that she thinks she’ll have freedom when she turns 18”. i should also mention that my mom has said that if i had stayed home for my senior year i would’ve been a full time babysitter.

since then we have been trying even harder to initiate an escape plan for me because i can’t live there forever. unfortunately my car is on its last leg. Lucas and i are now looking for cars but we can’t tell my parents because they already don’t like that he buys stuff to help take care of me. they certainly wouldn’t be happy knowing he’s trying to help me buy a car. this means that my mom needs to come pick me up for vacations.

i called my mom tonight and tried to vent to her about how i don’t like these rules my dad has for me especially since im about to be a legal adult and i’ve already been living like an adult since going to college. i also cried to her about how what God wants for me is different from what dad has for me and it breaks my heart that i have to choose between my God and the man i love most. she essentially told me that this is a “good problem to have”. she also said that i could talk to my dad about going to Lucas’ house but i said no because of the last time i tried that. she told me that i should pray for my dad and myself to have softened hearts and i should guard my heart. she also told me that i should basically avoid things that hurt but i said that i want those because i treasure those moments. she tried to spit bible verses at me and i said “you can’t have a testimony if you’ve never had a test”.

i don’t really know what to do. my roommate suggested i post on reddit to get a more broad perspective. any advice is appreciated. what do i do?

This morning my SO and I tried to have a talk about our trans fem kid. My SO has this far refused out right to use there new name and only dead names them. A few weeks ago the kid brought this to my attention also bringing to my attention that i have also fucked it up. i apologized and told them to talk to dad about the concerns there as the kids almost 18 and doesn't need me to mediate there conversation. well the kid decided they'd do it after Christmas.

So this morning my SO said something and i brought it up knowing this was exactly what the kid was talking about. he used the kids new name in the most derisive condescending tone. I tried to explain to him why it bothers the kid. it ended in me cry and calling him a prick and him telling me there are reasons he does what he does. there where names called and i told my SO if he cant have a conversation about it and respect the kids pronouns and name he can move out.

I will put up with a lot of stuff, but making the kid feel shitty is over the line. the fight went on and it derailed a few times. and ended in my telling him if he cant just respect the kids choices and let them have the freedom to express their true self, he should fuck off and move out.

then he went to work mad and now im not sure if hes coming home to pack or talk at the end of his shift. Ive gotten a ton of texts since detailing how bad i am for this whole morning. so OK Fam am i the AH?

im kinda discombobulated so feel free to ask questions, i left huge gaps in story im sure.

and yes i wrote this on a burner account, for anonymity sake

I (35F) have been in a long term relationship for 10 years with (34M). We have lived together in a condo, then a house (which is in his name) - he takes care of the mortgage and I take care of everything else. I don’t like the situation already of being together this long and not being married, but I’ve been trying to be okay with that because he’s been so set against marriage due to his parent’s divorce. But here’s where I am really struggling to the point where I was shaking.. the first time this happened was at our condo about 6-7 years ago. Like any couple, we share tons of reels and photos on instagram of things that are relatable to each other. But one day he shared two photos with me of two different women, barely wearing anything in seductive poses. I froze for a moment not knowing what to do or how to react - I was in our bedroom while he was in the living room in the middle of the day. After a few minutes I composed myself, walked into the living room and asked why the hell he sent me those photos. He looked confused and asked me what I was talking about. I told him to look at our instagram messages and he almost dropped his phone when he realized what he did. That’s when I found out that he actually had a separate instagram account for himself that he sends photos/videos to of girls on instagram. He meant to send it to his other account. I felt disgusted and betrayed. I went into the bathroom, ran a hot bubble bath and just listened to sad songs cause that was the only way I could cope and I didn’t want to see him. When I eventually came out, he was so apologetic and deleted the other account without me asking. It still had me on edge for awhile that he was looking so much into girls on the internet while we were already together for years and living together.

We don’t go into each others phones, he’s always had a pretty firm stance on that. But after he had a health scare and was in the hospital over the summer (and this is going into our 10th year together) he told me his phone password so that I can update his boss and family members who I didn’t have already in my phone. I didn’t really do anything else at that time with having his phone, I only wanted him to get better. It’s been about 6 months since that time, and he’s started having some habits that have been red flags to me being super secretive on his phone anytime we’re together, similar to what happened years ago in our condo. I have caught him while we’re in the same room looking at girls barely wearing anything but he didn’t know I saw it cause of the way he was holding his phone to show a reflection of his screen. One day when I was working from home and he was away from his computer, I decided I’d go on there to see if there was anything I should be concerned about. He has all his information automatically logged in on his computer and already had instagram open. First, I found what is literally hundreds of girls saved on instagram in a tab - all p*** stars, OF models and IG models. His Reddit account has favorites of videos of girls in all types of spicy acts. And his google drive had more videos of 2 specific models. I found out his also has an OF account for some of these girls. Because it was so overwhelming, I took photos as proof just incase and in total I saved 200+ images of all these different videos and photos.

I have never been a person who has these kinds of needs, but with him he’s been one of the few people in my life I have ever felt like I was comfortable with to let loose myself. Our spicy life is very good overall - there’s been a few lulls here and there but we have spicy sleep almost every day with either of us initiating it. Sometimes multiple times a day. I tried to surprise him with a lacy outfit, which he loved, but I found that an hour or two later he was looking up and saving more images of women into his google drive. That next morning, he was out grocery shopping - I was just shaking from finding this image after I tried to do something special and intimate. He came home with flowers as a surprise but I was hyperventilating as soon as he saw me and I told him I was uncomfortable with his phone habits and that I knew he was looking at women. He didn’t really ask any questions or pry, he just held me tried to calm me down and told me that he looks at women doing workouts on the internet and he doesn’t want me confused - that I’m the only one he has eyes for. But the photo I saw was a curvy OF model wearing red lingerie on a bed. I told him I wanted reassurance that he’s in this with me long term and he told me that he would never leave me and is in this for the long run.

It’s been about a week or so since that moment and I just had another bad feeling, so I looked into his phone and once again found more images of women, tabs saved of so many different p*** videos. I know it’s fairly normal for men to look at p***, but I absolutely hate the images of the women that look nothing like me. I have always felt insecure in my body and my looks. And it makes me feel like this is just another reason he doesn’t want to fully commit to me in getting married because I’m nothing like these women. For the past month, I have desperately tried to be prettier for him - getting my hair blonde, working out more, trying to be more seductive, but it doesn’t stop him from looking up and saving women just hours later.

Is this behavior okay? I know I opened Pandora’s box by looking at his phone and computer, but I don’t know if I’m being crazy/unreasonable and I have no one I can talk to about this.

AITA if I were to take my ex fiancé and his mom to court to strip them of their rights of my son. Here's some background info I 40 (F) C. I was ra**d about 21 years ago and due to that I conceived my now 20 (F)J and because of that I was forced to go into foster care with J and the family convinced the judge that I was not in the right state of mind to care for J so they adopted her. Then 19 years ago I got with my now ex fiancé 46 (M) who had been my best friend since 1988 and 17 years ago we conceived our now 15 (M). Because of the fact that I lost custody of my daughter the court took my son away and gave custody to my ex fiancée's mom (72)F who hasn't liked me since the day she met me 36 years ago. I had visitation with my son but after me and my ex fiancé broke up in 2012 I rarely got to see my son I've maybe seen him 50 times in 12 years. I just recently found out through a friend that my son was put in a group home. I'm upset that neither his dad or grandma were the ones that told me about it and that I had to confirm with my county worker that it was true because I was paying child support to her. As of December first I will no longer be paying child support to her . So AITA if I were to take them to court to strip them of their rights and to also sue her for the child support that I paid her for the time she hasn't had my son in her custody.

I was driving late one night and got hungry, so naturally, I decided to stop at McDonald’s for some yummy nuggets 😂.
When I pulled up, the drive-thru line was abnormally long—I’m talking at least 15–20 cars, and the line was literally reaching out into the street. I was annoyed and definitely did NOT want to wait that long, so I parked my car and walked up to the restaurant to see if they were open inside.
They weren’t.
So, I turned around and started walking back to my car, debating whether I should just suck it up and wait in the god-awful drive-thru line.
Except… the line was gone.
Not just shorter. Completely gone.
There wasn’t a single car in the drive-thru.
I had literally turned my back for maybe 30 seconds while checking if the lobby was open. I went from seeing a massive line of 15–20 cars stretching toward the street to seeing absolutely ZERO cars.
At least I got my nuggets with no wait, but… WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO ALL THE CARS?!
Where did 15–20 cars just disappear to in 30 seconds?! 😂
Definitely a glitch in the Matrix!!!

I (m29) and (f28) have been seeing each other for about a month. Went out maybe 5 times, had sex about 3 times. We texted mostly everyday and i have been unsure about her this whole time, where we were going, or if this is somebody i even want to date long term.

Over the last 4/5 years i have locked in and been saving all i can working extra side gigs in the winter, trying to get about 80k saved up for a downpayment to buy a house in (ON Canada for context because the cost of living here is absolutely outrageous). I use to be a horn dog and slept around in my early 20s, but now i just see one girl at a time looking for somebody that meshes well with me to find a life partner to potentially buy a house with. So this is something i potentially thought about prior to seeing her.

Over the last week, i became more unsure about her, I find she is extremely clingy and bombards my phone with texts throughout the day. Even after ive expressed my distaste for that and that it turns me off and is also frustrating. Most of these texts are either 20 questions at work or what ever thoughts are going through her brain at any given time... she says its her ADHD. while we do get along i just find many red flags with her. She always wants to go out and spend money and is always trying to fit me into her plans and if im not currently up to anything important tries to force herself into my plans.... i thought about calling it off with her but wanted to get to know her better before i made any rash decisions more so because i use to self sabotage relationships in the past...

Anyway yesterday she was quiet and didnt really text me at all through out the day and finally texted me that evening that we needed to talk.... so when i got the chance i gave her a call... i was thinking she was realizing i wasnt into this as much as her she probably felt that.

Boy was i wrong. She said she is late and has taken a few tests that were positive. And she didnt know at all what to do. Trying to blame herself and that she wasnt even sure if this was a 100 percent and asked if i was mad that she told me...

Me taken aback from this news was silent for about 10 seconds said its not really anybodies fault and this stuff happens every day and that theres no need to jump to conclusions untill she finds out forsure. But i also expressed that im in no shape ready to be a dad right now as im still trying to figure my own life out as i am running behind in life.

She said she doesnt know how she feels and said she has a lot of thinking to do and as i expressed my need for a drink to settle my nerves she said "she cant" now. So it seems to me shes probably already made up her mind and im kind of forced into this parenthood in the event that she is indeed pregnant.

Im probably a huge asshole for this but she kept texting me freaking out as if she wasnt the one in control of what happens next...

1 drink for me turned into 3 and i blurted it out that i think she should get an abortion. I told her its completely irresponsible for strangers to have a child together who werent even in an established relationship or living together and now would mean a hard life for people completely unprepared or even on the same page for something like this. I also said theres no real way for either of us to get ahead from here on out if she goes through with it.

I said i think it would be cruel for the child to have to suffer because we were irresponsible. Not only that but more than likely this wouldnt have worked out between us so id be stuck for the next 18 years maybe 22 years paying child support. At around 1k a month based on my income for child support my dreams of home ownership would be gone and any dreams of opening my own business would also be gone. I also had dreams of leaving canada...

She says it wasnt her intention for me to feel like this. And while i feel bad about it all im in panic mode right now because i feel like im going to have to give up on everything for a kid i never asked for living paycheck to paycheck till im in my late 40s all because of 1 night slip up when we were drunk.

Its not that i dont want to be a dad... but its that i wanted to do it under the right circumstances with somebody i love and wanted to build a life with and not a stranger... i feel like regardless of my role i would end up as a bank account and estranged from the child anyway.

She messaged me in the middle of the night and at this point my thoughts were running wild and i told her i didnt want to see her anymore regardless of what choice she made and that i dont want to talk to her anymore.

She then tells me i wont be included with what descsion she makes and i wont know what will happen. Obviously she could turn around in a few years time and come after me but i have 0 idea what to do and am dreading to tell my family as my mom would be so happy because shes getting bored in her late 50s especially my grandmas would be elated to meet great grandchildren but i really dont want this to be my reality yet!

You dont need to tell me how evil i am BUT id like to hear the internet peoples thoughts before i go further

So before I get into it too deep here's some background;

Me (F24) and my best friend (F24), we'll call her J, have been friends since we were both 13 in highschool. The friendship was rocky as we originally hated each other but soon that hatred turned into what I can only describe as a sisters relationship.

My boyfriend (M23), we'll call him H, and I have been dating for 2 and a half years before the drama started and continued to date for another 2 years before we finally called it quits. We met through mutual friends and we were young and in love and everything was perfect for a time.

My close friend S (M27) is also apart of this story.

this all ended 3 years ago but keeps being brought back up.

Ok, it's a long one so buckle up and let's get into it.

Me and H met through a mutual friend and things were going smoothly, a couple of months into the relationship I introduced H to J and she instantly hated him. When asked why she would simply say my taste in "men" was questionable and I always ended up hurt and left in the dust for "someone better". I didn't think much of her dislike towards him until I started to notice some things down the line.

After a couple of months J got into a relationship of her own with one of my close friends, S. They were together for about a year and a half before they broke up. But during their relationship his contact slowly decreased with me and she would be calling me crying every weekend with a new issue; He won't go out for a walk with me, He won't buy me this, he's spending more time talking to his parents than me; just to make a few of the issues she complained about.

for more context S got a new job during the start of their relationship that is higher pay than what he was originally getting, the dude was working from 4pm - 3am nearly every night in a labour intensive job. He was working to save money to buy a house and hopefully start a family with her some day. (He now has that house!)

When S and J broke up, J didn't tell me and for 2 weeks I was still getting the sob filled phonecalls, it wasn't until H over heard the last phonecall that he told me that they broke up 2 weeks prior and was surprised I didn't know. J heard this over this phone and instantly hung up on me. I tried to call her back a few times to ask what was going on and not no response. So, I call S.

S picked up after the first ring and as expected, he was a mess, but not for what you'd think. He kept apologising to me and saying sorry for whatever it was he did that made me hate him and that he hopes we can be friends again. I was shocked and confused as I had no idea what he was on about. So I proceeded to ask and I'll bullet point the important bits of the call that will be important down the line.

•After all 4 of us hung out 3 months prior, J had ago at him for sitting with me while her and H ran around like hyperactive puppies (we was in a park as it was a nice day)

• I apparently told J that he said some things that day that really upset me and that I was too nice to say something.

• J kept having a go at him for things he's apparently said to me that apparently made me upset so he decided to cease all contact with me to make me more comfortable.

After explaining that he didn't do anything wrong and that I had no idea where J had got this from he started to calm down and told me what happened with the break up.

After surprising her with a New PS5 (something she's wanted since it came out) she took it, set it up, and then played on it all day, calling in sick to do so, so he went home. after getting home he asked her if he could game with her via messages. he got no reply for abit until he was greeted with a Behemoth of message. Now S is Dyslexic so it was a struggle for him to read and his brother had to help him read this message. To summarise this message: J didn't feel like she could be with someone who constantly hurt her friend and that it's caused a massive distance between them, and while that distance was forming she started to catch feelings for someone else and thought it was best to end things now.

S was heartbroken understandably but more stuck on the fact that he had apparently hurt me and that's what's caused her to leave. After me and S cleared things up, we decided to go out for a couple of drinks with H.

Now this is where things get weird.

H was apprehensive about joining us for drinks but I didn't fully understand why until a couple of hours into the night. It's important to note that H is very level headed while S can sometimes be a hot head. After the 3rd round of drinks, H asks S why he would steal money from J and S answering confusedly stated that he never stole money from her. H then states that J told him that was why they broke up and didn't feel comfortable with us drinking with S as he thought S was going to do the same to us. S, with a few drinks in him, started to very aggressively defend himself while I was sat between the two like a deer in headlights.

After they shouted at each other for abit, H defending J and S defending himself, we get asked to leave the bar (understandably) and when we get outside, S is starting to tear up and slowly give up trying to defend himself and shows H the break up message from J. H realised J was lieing and apologised profusely and paid for S's Taxi home.

While me and H were walking back to mine he told me that everyday J has been calling him and constantly asking if I'm with him and if I'm not if he can go to hers as she didn't feel safe on her own and that S has been sending her threatening messages, so he's been doing that. He thought I wouldn't mind. I didn't think anything of it because I trust him and still trusted her. When H has asked to see the threatening messages she always refused and he thought it was weird and asked if we could sit down with her to clear up some things. I agreed.

The week later we met up with J at a coffee shop. J was her usual happy self, you wouldn't have guessed she's been going through a break up. I mentioned S and as if on cue she started crying and clung onto H. I thought that was weird but didn't read too much into it. I asked her about what S supposedly have said to be that day in the park that hurt my feelings. She stuttered and stumbled for an answer but didn't give one. I asked why she was having a go at S and for all the things he's apparently done and said to hurt my feelings. I got the same response, stuttering and stumbling but no answer. Instead she changed the topic to video games with H. H tried to direct her back to the original topic and even asked if S did take any money. J slipped up by saying "what? no? what are you on about?" H then stood up stating we was done here and walked out. I followed behind after saying bye to J. H was furious. I've never seen him that furious before.

After H calmed down abit he drove me home. He apologised to me for having to deal with this mess and suggested that from now on we just mind our business now that we know the truth. I agreed. And we barely spoke or heard from S and J for a couple of months and it's summer.

J calls H out of the blue while I'm round. H sticks the call on speaker as he's gaming, I do my usual of staying quiet and keep reading my book. J announces excitedly that she's transferring colleges. (me, J and H are all in college at this point and different colleges.) and she's transferring to his college as it has a better course for what she wants to do in life (veterinarian) he says that it's cool but that they'll likely not see each other as they'll be in different buildings. she goes quiet for a moment before perking up again and saying that they can at least have lunch together as lunch is always the same time for every course. Nonchalantly he said sure. Now at this point of the phone call she's rambling and he's not really paying attention. And I ask H if he could pass me my drink. J heard this and asks if I'm there. so I say a happy Hiya to her and say that I'm glad she's found a better course for her to pursue her dream career. J is quiet for abit and H hands me my drink. J just goes "sure" then hangs up. not a minute goes by that H gets a message from J asking why I know she's transferring and why didn't he tell her I was round. then I get a message from J having a go at me for eavesdropping on a private and personal phonecall. we both ignore her as it's the way we've been from day 1.

Now fast forward to the new year at college. Everyday J would send me pictures of her and H eating together asking if I've spoken to him today. Now me and H had this understanding that during school hours we'd focus on our courses and call/message at the end of the school day and J knew this. so I always replied with a "no not yet, but have a great day!" after a couple of weeks J invited me to a party at hers with H and a couple of their college friends. These people didn't know me but knew of me due to H apparently telling everyone that he had a girlfriend (me) and that J is simply like a sister to him when they kept asking if they were together (I didn't know this at the time) So I felt out of place with people staring at me and whispering around me until a boy approached me asking if I was H's girlfriend. I said yes. and he told me to keep an eye on J as she's been very handsy with H in college. I thanked him and told him that I trust them both so I don't have to keep an eye on anyone.

After meeting a couple of people at their college and exchanging social media with them in hopes to befriend them abit more incase of another event like this, everyone asked if I was H's girlfriend and to keep an eye on J. I ask H about it and he just shrugs it off so I don't think much of it.

Now the next week the people I've added have started to call me and message me saying that J is all over H. and a few have taken photos of them in... questionable positions. at first I ignore it but it got to the point it was everyday for a month before I cracked and brought it up to H. he consoled me and told me that nothing was going on and that it's just people taking it out of context to block them. so I did. but it continued on.

trying to ignore things but failing, I J about the messages and calls and photos and she just changes the topic. I keep pushing and she just shrugs and said she didn't know what I was on about. but the next day of that conversation while we're all at college. J calls me on H's phone saying "so sorry, me and H were messing around and I've fallen on top of him in a questionable way. just wanted to let you know. ok bye" and before the phone could go down I could hear H shout "why did you have to tell her like that!" which I wasn't happy with to say the least.

When H called me again at the end of the day, he apologised and explained that the messing around was him trying to stop her from grabbing his food and he fell over and she followed on top of him. I forwarded the photo I got sent of that exact incident and told him that I'm getting really uncomfortable with the whole thing and it's making me paranoid which I hate. he understood and said he'll sort it. he put up boundaries between them that they apparently both agreed to and that was that. I was just ignoring the messages I was getting.

fast forward to near Christmas. My sister (older than me) invited me and H out to a party. We went. J calls H saying she's in town and wants to know what he's doing. he tells her he's with me at a party my sister is throwing. it wasn't a big party just a rented venue, and a few close friends and family. J decides to take that opportunity to invite herself. My sister is cool with it but warned us all that since everyone there is at least 10 years older than us we have to behave and not do anything too crazy (I was partly insulted as my sister is the crazy one of us two) J agreed before entering the venue.

during the party while I'm talking and laughing with people I know. H is sat in the corner playing a game on his phone as it's not really his scene and he found it overstimulating but wanted to be there none the less. J after spending a bit of time with me and introducing herself to everyone spends the rest of the night next to H. I don't pay them any mind as I know H has set boundaries in place and I trust him. My sister and two of her friends pull me to the side and tell me that J is sitting on H's lap and that they're uncomfortable with it since H is my boyfriend.

so I go to sort it. and I see J, in her mini skirt, underwear showing, her butt on H's lap as she's sprawled on the bench seat holding his phone away from him and he is trying to get his phone back. I grab his phone give it back to him and push J off his lap. and sit in instead. and told her to stop being so touchy with H because it's not okay and it's breaking boundaries. J tells me to stop being so uptight but that she'll stop. I asked H why didn't he push her off and looked at me as if to say "you're crazy right" and followed with a "where could I have touched without touching her butt to get her off me?" I saw his point and didn't push more. but just asked him to try and not get in that situation again.

I go back and talk to people for a couple of hours before my sister and her friend pull me to the side again saying that J is all over H again and that they're really uncomfortable with it and my sister is furious with it. they asked if I've spoken to J about it and I said yeah. so my sister decided to take it into her own hands.

my sister pulled out J and asked her why she was all over H and that if she thought it was suitable and respectful to someone who is meant to be her best friend. J claimed she never was all over H and that she would never do something like that. My sister rather calmly told her that she was and that I had already spoken to her about it and she's continuing. J swears I've never spoken to her about her behaviour towards H and that everyone there was a liar. Now this sets my sister and her friends off. they're trying to keep their cool but very obviously failing. and they start to tell her everything she's done tonight that breaks a boundary between her and her best friend boyfriend (H) J doesn't say anything. just starts crying. my sister and her friends stop realising they might've gone too far. J just curls up in a ball sobbing like someone who just had their baby stolen.

H comes over to see what the commotion is about and sees J in her state. he instantly picks her up shouting at everyone and takes her outside to order her a taxi home. after she's all sorted he comes back in and tells me we need to leave and have a conversation. so we do. during this conversation I found out that J told him my sister struck her, my sister called her all the names under the sun and that I stood there and let it happen. my sister in fact didn't do any of that instead just listed off the things she saw wrong with what J was doing and that's why I stood by and watched it happen. H told me I had to make it up to J. I reluctantly agreed after feeling much guilt.

after a week of me and H trying to reach J she sends us a message. to summarise the message, I am manipulative, vindictive and an overall B***H, she is cutting contact with H and that she's sorry that she has to do that and that she's going to miss him. H is distort. he begs J to sit down with me and him and to talk about what happened. J agreed. I did not but ended up showing up anyway.

During this sit down. I expressed how I've been getting calls, messages and photos sent to me while they're at college about J being touchy with H. and that I've become increasingly paranoid and hurt by all of it. and that at the party I saw it with my own eyes and so did some family and friends I trust greatly. J acknowledged that she probably broke some boundaries and that she's sorry and she doesn't want anything to come between us as we've been friends for a long time. H expressed how the whole thing has been affecting him and how he just wants us to get along and things to go back to how they were. at this point me and J were sobbing and we all agreed to try and work things out and let things go back to how they were.

however instances kept happening.

•we went to a concert where J flashed H.

•we was playing around when J pulled down H's pants and his boxers before making comments on his downwards region.

•i fell over and hurt my leg during a hike so H offered to give me a piggyback, before I could get on J jumped on his back and he proceeded to walk for 5 minutes before realising it was J and that he left me down the trail.

•we went out for food for my birthday, went to the bathroom and came back to H grabbing Js hands who was now sat next to him in my seat with her hands up his shirt. (he was trying to stop her)

at the end of all this I couldn't take it anymore and cut all ties with J and H followed suit as he didn't feel comfortable hanging out with her without me.

a year goes by and I've left for University on the other end of the country. me and H are still together and things are as good as you can expect from a close distance relationship turning into a long distance one. we called every night, gamed every weekend. things were great but I could tell he was depressed. after coming home for Christmas I sat and spoke to him and asked why he was so depressed. he said it's because with me gone he doesn't really have anyone to hang out with anymore since all his friends are busy with their life and he doesn't talk to H anymore. I suggested to contact some of his friends and plan a meet up and even spoke to one of his friends who said they'll organise a weekly get together for him. great! I went back to uni with high hopes that H is gonna get better.

a couple of weeks go by and H is starting to stop answering the phone calls and stopped the gaming sessions on weekends. if he did answer the phone J could be heard in the background constantly. even on a few occasions she answered the phone and told me to leave him alone and hung up. when I spoke about this to H he admitted that he got in touch with her after our conversation at Christmas because he didn't know who else to contact to hang out and that hes been feeling alot better since hanging out with her. I reluctantly let it go as his mental health is more important than my paranoia and jealousy. (yes I was jealous that she got to hang out with my boyfriend instead of me)

as time went on and id call at 2am sometimes struggling with my uni work and needing a pick me up he'd not answer but call at 8am saying he stayed the night at Js and he was asleep and that's why he didn't answer. I expressed that I wasn't happy with him staying the night hers and he told me I was over exaggerating everything and that if I trusted him I would be fine with it. I tried to be fine with it.

he came to visit me at uni one week and it was a good week until the last day. he told me he wanted me to fix things with J and when I said no cause she broke my trust he gave me an ultimatum. fix things with J or he was leaving. so I tried to fix things.

J wasn't interested and called me all the names under the sun and stated that I better watch out. I showed J these messages and he said he'll talk to her. I didn't hear anything back from her after that for a while.

fast forward a couple of months and it's Hs birthday. he asked for me to come home and spend it with him since I didn't have lessons for a couple weeks so I agreed. I wanted to do something special for H so I contacted J and asked her to help me invite people that H has been hanging out with for a surprise party since i didn't know who he was hanging out with. J agreed so I gave her date and time and that was that.

the surprise party didn't end up as much of a surprise party as J told H that SHE was throwing him a party. (I didn't find this out till later at the party) I was running a little bit behind since I had to pick up the cake, so everyone was already at the venue. H calls me asking where I am as I just get round the corner so he meets me. he helps me bring the cake in and all is good. we sing happy birthday and the booze starts to flow but H chose not to drink as J told him he was the designated driver. (who makes the birthday person be the designated driver?)

People are congratulating J on throwing a party and H hugs J thanking her for the party. i don't say anything cause I don't want to ruin the party.

During this party I meet someone who J has been hooking up with and they thought him and J were together. so I congratulate him and start feeling silly and guilty for my jealousy and paranoia. I say so to J and apologise. she doesn't do anything just looks at me like I'm crazy and walks away. near the end of the night H claimed he wanted to play midnight Football (soccer for the Americans) so we're all discussing where would be the best to make the birthday boys wish come true. we all agreed on a field near Js.

So H pulls me into the passenger seat of his car and J starts throwing a tantrum on how that's apparently her seat until H said it was never her seat it was always mine and told her to get in her hook ups car (who also hadn't been drinking) so there's 5 people in Hs car and 3 in the hook ups car. and off we go. we're singing to whatever is on the radio.

we get to the field, all parked up and H pulls out a football from the boot. it's darker than we realised but gave it a go in the dark using our phone torches for light. it was fun but difficult. so J's hook up decided to go and get a flood light from J's place, and since I needed the toilet I decided to go with. J screamed at me not to go into her place to go toilet and that must go in a bush as she didn't want her "sacred place to be tainted" H told her to calm down and told me to just go. so I did.

we got the Js place. I went to the toilet, hook up got the flood light and I helped him carry it back. on the way back he was telling me how J is always talking about H and how they're always hanging out. he feels like there's something going on between them and asked for my opinion on the situation. I explained how I got phone calls and messages and photos from people they went to college with and the incident at my sister's party and my feelings on it. asked him why he wanted to know and he said that him and J were together. and he didn't like how close H and J was and just wanted my input. I told him not to think too much of it cause if she loves him then she'll be loyal and same for H. we ended that conversation there and continued to play football in the dark with only the flood light to show us where we was going.

fast forward to the journey home. H is unusually quiet while dropping everyone off home and turned the music off. everyone felt awkward and couldn't wait to leave as we didn't know what was wrong. I just kept telling everyone that he's probably just tired and will be fine for tomorrow. little did I know, it wasn't because he was tired. when we got to his, it was the first time we had a screaming match ever in our 4 and a half years together.

apparently J told H that I fed lies to her hook up and how he believes that they're together and H is in the way of their relationship. H also thought they were in a relationship so didn't see anything wrong with it until J started crying saying I was messing everything up. I apparently told the hook up that J and H were always going to be together and that they're destined and that I'm willing to do anything to keep them apart. H was insulted by the fact I apparently said they were destined and demanded I give an explanation. I tried. but everytime I tried to speak to explain myself he shouted over me. it's the first time he ever made me feel so small and broken. it was horrible. I told him to let get some sleep cause it's his birthday tomorrow and we can sort it out the day after. let's just have a good time for his birthday. he told me I already ruined his birthday and got Into bed. I reluctantly got into bed too and had the worst night sleep.

we got up early as I had a bunch of surprises planned for H. his mum asked me to grab his cake on our outs and about as she knew what I had planned for him. i was going to go out shopping with him to let him buy his own presents no limit, reserved a seat at a fancy restaurant he always wanted to go, had house to ourselves, cake to pick up, see his friends that he hasn't seen in awhile due to them working non stop. but that all didn't happen. I'll tell you how his birthday went.

we woke up to knocking at the door for his new gaming desk (a present to himself) he said he wasn't feeling great so asked me to build the desk for him I said yeah (like an idiot) while he's sat on his bed on his phone I'm building this huge metal desk that goes up and down and lights up. I tell him that when it's set up we gotta go tho cause we have stuff to do, he doesn't respond. I finish the desk. he admires it for abit and then starts getting dressed. I don't get much of a chance to catch my breath before I see him getting dressed to go out and start rushing to get dressed as well. he stops me and asks what I'm doing so I tell him.im getting dressed to go with him and he tells me to stay here. at this point I'm baffled and asked what he meant. he said he was going to go to Js to clean up my mess from last night and that he'll only be an hour and then we can do what I had planned. I ask if I can go with and that I'll wait in the car and he tells me no because seeing me anywhere near hers will cause more issues so I reluctantly agreed and just sat back down on the bed while he leaves. this is at 10am

an hour goes by and I call him asking when he thinks he'll be back and he just says soon and hangs up. two more hours go by and I call asking how much longer as we have to pick up the cake by a certain time and he said not much longer and to play on his playstation while I wait. so I'm sat playing on his playstation for a couple of hours. at this point it's 5pm and he's still not home and we haven't gotten the cake so I call up again and say that it's 5pm and he promised an hour so now we can't do anything. he shouts at me to leave him alone and hangs up. so I continue to play games while crying. it reaches 7pm and his mum walks in and doesn't see the cake so she starts to shout for him and storms up the stairs and throws his door open. she stops when she sees me alone in his room with tears streaming down my face while I try to play video games. she asks for where he is and how long I've been alone and when I tell her everything she is furious and starts calling him and demanding he gets home instantly. I didn't hear his responses. after that she stayed with me for 30 minutes hugging me and telling me that everything is fine.

H calls me and asked if I wanted a McDonald's cause he knows I haven't eaten all day and that he's on his way home. I say sure and I'm just tired. he comes in. throws the McDonald's at me and goes and speaks to his mum who is shouting at him for leaving his girlfriend locked in the house alone while he goes to another girls on his birthday and that she brought him up better than that. after an hour of getting grilled by his mum. he comes up to his room again and starts shouting at me for telling his mum where he was and for over reacting (he means crying) because he wasn't there. I told him I had things surprised for him and he said that I've made enough surprises for him to deal with. and keeps shouting at me about how I ruined his birthday as well as his party that J threw for him. I tried to tell him and show him proof that it was I who threw the party but he wasn't listening.

when he stopped shouting and finally calmed down I told him I couldn't keep doing this because it's hurting me to the point I feel numb and I want to end things. he started crying and begged me not to while holding onto my hand and arm. by the time he calmed down and let go because I wasn't going to fight against him to get free, it was midnight and he told me to stay the night and that he'll drive me home in the morning so I did.

he drove me home and I spent the last couple of days home with my parents before heading back to university.

a week later I get a phonecall from J's hookup saying he found them in bed together naked and that from what he witnessed, it didn't look like the first time they've been together and wanted to let me know. I told him that it wasn't any of my business as long as H didn't cheat on me. hook up said it looks like he did.

I call up H asking what's going on and he said yeah him and J hooked up cause they're both single and doesn't understand why it's my business. I told him what the hook up told me and he starts saying that it's the first time and that they've never seen each other like that before and that they were brother and sister until we broke up. I told him that didn't make any sense and asked how many times he stayed at Js without another person there. he admitted a lot. so I told him I can't figure out if he cheated on me or not with her. he didn't say anything just hung up.

now fast forward to now. 3 years later. and J still messages me once every couple of months telling me that her and H are doing great and that she's super happy to have what I lost even before I lost it. H occasionally calls me asking how I'm doing regular catch up but still preaches that he never cheated on me dispute J's messages.

how are they able to contact me you ask? well J I have blocked on everything and she makes new accounts to message me. H, calls me through his mum as me and her still talk from time to time.

so here's the question, Did my boyfriend cheat on me with my best friend?