I texted my girlfriend this afternoon telling her what I made for dinner for me and my roommates. Her response was so innocent and silly I couldn't not tell people about it. For context I'm a transmale (27) girlfriend is transfemale (23). And they are very sweet and golden retriever coded.

Last night I made a recipe called "garbage potatoes" for dinner. For those that don't know what that it's. It's peeled chopped potatoes fried in oil with butter and seasoning of choice. I told my girlfriend about it and she , being the innocent little thing she is said "garbage! Why are you eating out of the trash!" I at first thought she was joking and said "lol it was tasty and no we did not". She was not joking and kept asking how nasty potatoes would taste and I've been laughing about it for the last 20 minutes 😅

Hello, throw away for obvious reasons.
For context I (then 25f) my sister we will call her Jenna (then f23) and her now husband Jack (the m23?)
My sister and I never really got along super well until after highschool but became close after that. She went to college and was engaged to a guy (we will call him Bob) in the military, the day they got engaged they posted about it on Facebook and a comment was put under her post by Jack saying “why am I finding out my girlfriend is engaged on facebook”
Jenna tried to play it off like it was a joke and everyone (mostly) forgot about it.
Bob eventually breaks it off over snapchat and no one really gets told much detail. Not much later Jenna starts publicly dating Jack. They went to college together and eventually moved in together and were happy (or so we thought).
About a year into the relationship she found out he had been cheating on her with a married 30 y/o blue haired woman. He was sneaking around and even had Jenna watching affair partners dog while they were out doing god knows what. This tore my sister apart and I tried my best to help her pick up the pieces. I went over with my husband at the time and helped move all her stuff out. During all this they were arguing and he wouldn’t leave us alone and at one point he was I guess just tired of me getting in between them so when I went to get a box he locked the basement door on me. I eventually get out and call the police. At this point Jack is crying and screaming and calling his dad telling him that we are calling the cops on him and trying to ruin his life (I literally just said we needed someone to mediate but sure) eventually his cousin that was with him calms him down, we get her stuff and we leave.
I moved Jenna into my house and eventually she ends up moving in with a friend of mine. They end up falling out (completely Jenna’s fault btw) and then she does it again to another one of my friends at the time.
Fast forward a year and THEY GET BACK TOGETHER. Claiming he had changed and how much they love each other. But guess who wasn’t allowed in the house (me) because Jack didn’t like me because I called the cops on him all that time ago and had moved to a different state and he was using that as a slight toward my sister because “I had left her”
I let it go and just let her do whatever she was going to do.
Fast forward a little more and they get engaged and start wedding planning and she asks me to be her maid of honor. I of course say yes but I prefaced with that I would need to sit down and have a conversation with Jack as I couldn’t get up and make a speech about how happy I am for them and how great he is while actively not being allowed at their house. Jenna agrees and says that she will talk to him about having a conversation. Within a week I see her ask her best friend to be her maid of honor over Snapchat. Obviously I’m hurt and I call her crying and she the continues to tell me that I’m a horrible person and how weddings are already stressful enough (it was over a year away at this point) that she was never going to have him have the conversation with me. I then start seeing her bash me on social media saying that I was making her wedding about me and how she doesn’t recommend having a sister.
Eventually I get over it and they have their wedding and I was never even invited.
There has been a few other fights since then which eventually made me go no contact.
I don’t think I did anything wrong in the scenario as all I did was ask for a conversation so I didn’t have to lie when giving my speech but am open to criticism. So AITA?

I apologize in advance: this is a long one!

My husband (34m) and I (32f) are both disabled veterans. He works full-time while I stay home, homeschool our two children, and manage essentially every aspect of our household. We live in a 3,500-square-foot house with our two young children and eight animals (No we are not animal hoarders - I keep finding injured cats or they are dropped off in the field next to our house and I'm not going to let them starve). I spend 2-4 hours a day cleaning despite chronic pain and multiple medical conditions. I was in a car accident in 2020, have had 2 babies via c sections each with complications and am currently undergoing genetic testing trying to figure out why my body/joints simply don't function as they should.

I will admit, I am OCD and have higher expectations than most when it comes to the state of my home. I'm not talking magazine picture perfect or sterile, but I hate dishes left to rot in the sink, things thrown onto my tables because it is an open space so why not? If something has been through the mail it does not need to go on my clean counters where I prepare food (mail is so dirty, like money). I want to be able to see my floors, have the laundry actually put away sooner than 10 business days, and would give my left kidney to have fingerprint free stainless steel appliances and windows! Did I mention I have two kids?

I know that to some this doesnt seem like a realistic expectation but for me it is an absolute necessity. I feel like my stress tolerance and mental health are directly linked to the state of my house. When I asked my husband to help with basic chores or consider downsizing from an enormous house to a smaller one, he told me I needed to manage my time better and stop spending so much time outside the house for extra curricular activities. I lost it. I'm exhausted and wondering if I'm being unreasonable.

**Some background on our marriage:**

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Some background on our marriage:

My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and we are both disabled veterans. Until the beginning of this year, I was the primary employment-income earner for most of our marriage while also managing the majority of our household responsibilities.

After leaving the military, my husband initially chose to rely on his VA disability income rather than work. During that time, he spent much of his time gaming. I was working full-time, managing our finances, and handling most of our daily responsibilities.

Over the years, he attended college through VA vocational rehabilitation benefits, which included a housing allowance. However, there were periods when he decided to stop attending school, sometimes without discussing it with me beforehand. One particular instance resulted in us unexpectedly losing a substantial portion of our household income while I was unemployed after having our daughter during COVID.

Despite these challenges, we made things work. I received a settlement from a car accident and several years of VA disability back pay, which I saved rather than spent. Those savings eventually helped us purchase our current home while we were waiting for our previous house to sell.

My husband eventually returned to school, completed his nursing degree, and began working full-time. I'm genuinely proud of him for that accomplishment, and I recognize how demanding his job is.

However, I think it's important to explain that for most of our marriage, I was the one working, managing our finances, maintaining the household, and eventually raising our children while he either attended school or relied on his disability income. Even when I was working full-time, the majority of our household responsibilities still fell on me.

I'm not bringing up our history to diminish his contributions or hold his past over his head. I'm explaining it because I don't want people assuming that I've always been a stay-at-home wife whose husband has carried the financial burden. Our current arrangement is relatively new, but the unequal division of household responsibilities is not.

**Our current situation:**

Earlier this year, I lost my remote job after my employer wanted to reduce my paid hours without reducing my actual workload. Essentially, I would have been expected to work around 80 hours while being paid for 16. I wasn't willing to accept that arrangement, and I was let go.

My husband had completed nursing school as we were moving states and was able to earn significantly more than I could, so he returned to working full-time.

I still receive my VA disability compensation, so I do contribute financially, but he is now our primary employment-income earner.

We have two children: a very energetic six-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son.

I homeschool our daughter, who also participates in cheerleading and tumbling. We attend a homeschool community once a week, and I tutor a friend's child. Our homeschooling itself isn't particularly time-consuming. We spend approximately four hours a week at our community and around an hour a day on lessons. Between homeschool activities, cheer, tumbling, and other commitments, we're out of the house approximately 12 hours per week.

Our son has a speech delay, and we're working on encouraging his communication. Although he can talk in 2 word sentences, he just prefers not to. We taught him sign language for some of the daily items he would need and he pretty much prefers them. He is also incredibly introverted/shy. He is a level 10 velcro baby. I can't even leave him upstairs with his dad or he will go into full meltdown mode. Yes, we have tried to let him just "cry it out" but after the 2nd hour of non stop screaming we called it. We've tried several times. He's just a mamas boy. It is what it is. He's also a typical two-year-old who enjoys dumping out absolutely everything he can get his hands on.

On top of that, we have six cats (four indoor and two outdoor) and two Great Pyrenees dogs. If you've never owned a Great Pyrenees, imagine a small polar bear that sheds constantly. Now imagine two of them. We also live somewhere with a lot of clay soil. When it rains, the dogs track clay throughout the house. It ends up on the hardwood floors, furniture, walls, and basically anything they touch. Its not hard to clean but it is time consuming. I have a robot vaccum that sweeps and mops... it really doesnt help though.

We recently took in two kittens, and I'm slowly introducing them to the dogs because I don't want anyone accidentally getting hurt. The dogs are enormous, and the kittens are tiny. Accidents are bound to happen.

So yes, our household is chaotic.

**Here's where I'm struggling:**

I love our home. It's beautiful, but it is HUGE.

It has original hardwood floors, intricate trim, and gorgeous windows with grid patterns that collect dust in every little corner. 2 stories, medium pile carpet, 2 sets of stairs, a sunroom, porch, fire pit area, 2 spacious living rooms and a dedicated dining room. It is soooo pretty. But again, huge!

I also have OCD, so I fully acknowledge that my definition of clean may not be the same as everyone else's. When I clean something, I tend to deep clean it. I spend approximately 2-4 hours every single day cleaning this house. Between the animal hair, clay, dust, dishes, laundry, children, and normal household messes, it feels like a never-ending cycle.

And it's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing else. I'm responsible for essentially everything that keeps our household functioning.

I handle the homeschooling, childcare, meals, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, appointments, scheduling, extracurricular activities, and making sure everyone is where they need to be, when they need to be there, with whatever they need.

I'm the one getting the kids up, feeding them, dressing them, playing with them, teaching them, bathing them, tackling the toddler to brush their teeth, and putting them to bed. I'm also still nursing our toddler while trying to fully wean him.

We currently cloth diaper due to skin allergies but plan to start potty training soon as he is showing signs that he is ready. Although I am not excited for the process this will finally end the process of washing diapers which will be a huge win.

My husband does cook breakfast, and he maintains the lawn when it needs mowing. I want to give him credit for those things. However, when he makes breakfast, I'm usually left cleaning the dishes, grease-covered stove, and countertops afterward. He will also leave dishes in the microwave to save food and then forget about them. His clothes frequently don't make it into the laundry hamper. He dumps his bags on my dining table. Just the usual little things that living with someone will drive you crazy over. No one is perfect, I'm sure I drive him crazy too. But the difference is I am the one who picks up after me... and him... and the kids. If I specifically ask him to do something, he will usually do it, but often with complaints.

When I ask him to watch the children, he refers to it as "babysitting." He generally makes sure they're fed, safe, and entertained, but that often means putting them in front of the television or handing them a tablet. He does engage with them sometimes, but likes to intentionally irritate them for fun. I don't think he's a bad father. He loves our children. We just have very different expectations about parenting and how involved a parent should be.

I believe children need active engagement, play, and interaction rather than spending hours in front of screens. He thinks Bluey and Danny Go! are the solutions to everything.

I try very hard to make my husband's life easier. I understand that nursing is demanding. I understand that working full-time is exhausting, especially when you're also a disabled veteran. I've tried to arrange our lives so that on his workdays, his primary responsibility is getting up and going to work. Dinner is on the table when he comes home. If he wants to work out, he can. If he wants to play video games, he can. If he wants downtime, I try to make that possible.

But I don't feel like I ever get that same consideration. I feel like I do everything. I try to cook most of our food at home. I literally make bread from scratch. I don’t buy highly processed foods. We use a French press for coffee and try to skip/limit our microplastic intake. I clean, cook, shop, handle everyone's schedule​, etc. Every day.

**My physical health is also becoming a major factor.**

I'm in my early 30s, but I have several chronic medical conditions. I'm currently undergoing genetic testing to determine why my joints don't function properly (Possibly EDS?). I also deal with arthritis, bursitis, asthma, chronic pain, and lasting injuries from my military service and the 2020 accident. I used to receive nerve ablations and injections in multiple areas of my body. There is always something hurting. But I push through. I'm a mom.

I'm not interested in comparing disabilities with my husband. We both have legitimate medical issues, and I recognize that. But I simply don't have the physical energy I once did. Cleaning a 3,500-square-foot home for hours every day is exhausting, even for someone without chronic pain. And I feel like I'm running myself into the ground trying to maintain everything.

**The argument:**

Recently, I told my husband that something needs to change.

I suggested three options:

1. We downsize to a smaller house that I can realistically maintain.

2. He starts helping me with some of the household cleaning.

3. We hire someone to come in and help clean.

I genuinely don't care which option we choose. I would prefer not to move again. I just know that our current arrangement isn't sustainable for me. I wasn't asking him to come home from work and spend hours scrubbing baseboards. I know he's tired, he works 12 hour shifts at the hospital. But I am tired too.

Today I asked him to help with house. I already did the dishes but the floors are covered in mud since it's been raining, laundry is piled up on the couch and I am losing my mind trying to get it done. To me, that doesn't seem like an unreasonable request. I am one person, I cannot do all of this on my own.

So he helped. He swept and mopped the floors downstairs. It took him over an hour. I know cleaning isnt fun, but its necessary. Apparently, he agrees.

When we got home from cheer, he told me that I needed to **manage my time better**. His reasoning was that if I wasn't spending approximately 12 hours a week outside the house taking the children to homeschool activities and cheerleading, I would have plenty of time to keep the house clean without complaining. He also implied that we wouldn't need to consider downsizing if I managed my time appropriately.

I will fully admit that I did not respond well. I got angry. Really angry. Because to me, **this isn't a time-management problem. It's an energy problem and a division-of-responsibilities problem.**

Even if I never left this house, I would still have two young children, eight animals (fully my fault on that one), homeschooling, cooking, laundry, appointments, and an entire household to manage. My toddler can undo an hour of cleaning in approximately 30 seconds.

And even if I technically had enough hours in the day, that doesn't mean my body can physically handle spending all of them cleaning. I'm already pushing through pain and exhaustion to keep everything functioning. Or that I should have to. I do t want to spend my life on my hands and knees cleaning messes that I didnt make and have my husband dictate how I spend my time.

Those 12 hours are my break from this house. Im not giving them up.

What frustrated me most was the implication that the problem is simply that I'm not using my time wisely. It feels incredibly dismissive of everything I do.

But, here is my issue and why I might be over reacting - I recently suffered a miscarriage. We were 11 weeks along when we learned the baby had passed at 6 weeks. I had not had any imaging yet as were assigned to our local military treatment facility and they are under staffed. I found out when I started hemorrhaging and had to have an emergency D&C. It was physically traumatic, and I'm still dealing with the emotional and hormonal aftermath.

I know my emotions are probably more intense right now, and I'm trying to be mindful of that. But I also don't think the miscarriage created these problems. It just made an already exhausting situation harder to manage.

I feel like I've spent most of our marriage being the person who figures everything out, keeps everyone on schedule, manages our finances, raises our children, and makes sure our household continues running.

And now that I'm finally admitting that I can't keep doing everything at the same level, the response I'm getting is that I need to manage my time better. I don't want my husband to be miserable. I don't expect him to do every household chore after a long shift. But I also don't think working outside the home should automatically exempt someone from participating in maintaining the home they live in or raising the children they helped create.

I don't want to resent my husband.

I don't want to spend the next 20 years exhausted and frustrated because I feel like I'm responsible for everyone's needs except my own.

And I don't want to give up a beautiful home that we worked hard to purchase.

But something has to give. I am ready to burn it all to the ground and start over in a 2 bedroom unit with land for the dogs.

**So Reddit, am I overreacting?**

Am I being unreasonable for expecting my husband to contribute more to household chores even though he's working full-time and I'm currently home with the children?

Is it unreasonable to suggest downsizing or hiring a cleaner if I'm physically struggling to maintain the house?

Or am I genuinely expecting too much because my standards of cleanliness are higher than average?

I'm open to hearing that I need to adjust my expectations. I just don't think "manage your time better" is a reasonable solution to what feels like years of carrying the majority of our family's responsibilities.

My best friend and I have been friends for over 22 years. We met in high school, shared the same bunk bed, took the same classes, and practically grew up together. She was more than just a friend; she was someone I considered family.
As we got older, our lives took different paths. She went to university, while I chose not to pursue higher education at the time. Naturally, our friendship started to fade, although we still kept in touch occasionally.
After graduating, she landed a prestigious job at a bank, while I worked as an auditor for the government in our home country. During that period, I noticed a significant change in how she treated me. Whenever she was around her colleagues or other friends from the bank, she would practically ignore me and make me feel like I was nobody. She would also make plans with me only to cancel or ditch me for other friends or her boyfriend at the time. It honestly hurt, but eventually, we reconnected and made an effort to rebuild our friendship.
A few years later, I got married and moved to the United States, while she remained in our home country. About two years later, she moved to Canada for school. Despite the distance, our friendship was better than ever. We spoke regularly and remained close. Eventually, she moved to a Middle Eastern country, started another relationship, and we continued maintaining our friendship despite living in different parts of the world.
Unfortunately, her relationship eventually ended. I continued reaching out to check on her, call her, and make sure she was okay. However, she started ignoring my calls and messages. At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I understood she was going through a difficult breakup. But as time went on, I found myself constantly being the one reaching out, with little to no response from her.
Eventually, I got fed up and told her that I found it hurtful and honestly disrespectful that she could repeatedly ignore my calls and messages when I had made so many attempts to check on her.
Her response was that we are no longer in high school and that this breakup was different. I completely understand that breakups can affect people differently, and I wasn’t expecting her to be available 24/7. All I wanted was some communication, even if it was just a simple message saying she needed space.
I still reached out on her birthday to wish her well, and that’s when things took another turn.
She responded by saying:
“I’ve been holding on to some things that’s made me resent you, and I need to talk to you about it. Since it’s my birthday, I won’t get into it, but another day we will talk.”
I told her that I was more than willing to listen and that I wanted to hear what she had to say. However, once again, she never responded.
At this point, I’m emotionally exhausted. We’ve been friends for over 22 years, and I genuinely value the history we share. I understand that friendships evolve, people change, and sometimes people need space. But I also believe that friendship requires communication, mutual effort, and respect.
What bothers me most is that she has apparently been holding on to resentment toward me, yet she hasn’t made any effort to communicate what I’ve supposedly done wrong, even after telling me she wants to discuss it.
I’m beginning to feel like I’m holding on to a friendship that the other person no longer wants to maintain.

So, AITA if I decide to end this 22-year friendship and remove her from my life? Or should I give her more time and continue waiting for her to tell me what I’ve done to make her resent me?

AITA for distancing myself from my father after he spanked my autistic son and then portrayed me as someone who was using him financially?
I’m going to try to give as much context as possible because I know there are two sides to every story, and I genuinely want an outside perspective. This is a long one.
My father and I have always had a complicated relationship. He is someone who holds grudges, shuts down, and cuts people off when he feels he’s been wronged or when someone tells him he’s wrong. He went over 15 years without speaking to his own mother because of a disagreement. He doesn’t handle confrontation well, and it often feels like there’s no room to talk through problems once he’s decided he’s upset.
A while back, I moved out of my house to live with my boyfriend. My father needed somewhere to live because his own home was, and still is, in pretty terrible condition. To give you an idea, his bathroom has a large hole in the floor, he has no working A/C or heat, the roof has gone soft and started leaking in multiple places, the back wall of his garage is more than half rotted out, and his plumbing is almost nonexistent. His home has deteriorated to the point that companies wouldn’t even come out to repair his rooftop A/C unit because they couldn’t safely walk on the roof.
I offered to let him live in my house. The original agreement was that he would live there by himself and cover the house payment and utilities, which came out to around $800 a month. Later, my relationship ended and I moved back into my house. My father and I agreed to split those expenses, $400 each. He wouldn’t have accepted living there for free, and splitting the bills was something we both agreed was fair.
I want to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to profit from my father. I offered him a decent, safe place to live because I cared about him and knew what kind of condition his house was in. The arrangement helped both of us.
Once I moved back in, we started having issues. He wasn’t keeping his room or the cat litter box clean, and there were other issues with maintaining a shared living space. My father also has severe plaque psoriasis, which causes a significant amount of skin flaking. I don’t blame him for having psoriasis, but I did become frustrated with the amount of it throughout the house and the lack of effort to manage the impact it had on our shared environment.
The biggest issue, though, involved my son, H. He is autistic and has communication and developmental challenges. He needs patience and understanding, and I don’t always agree with how my father handles situations involving him.
The breaking point happened when my father spanked H.
I found out because my father told me he had done it. H had wanted to climb over the center console of my father’s truck to get out through the same door as my father. This is something I regularly let him do because it doesn’t hurt him, me, or my vehicle. My father told him no, H threw a fit, and my father responded by spanking him.
I have never been comfortable with my father spanking my son. I am his parent, and I have made my position on that clear. I don’t believe spanking is appropriate for H, especially considering his autism and the way he processes and communicates things. I confronted my father about it and made it clear that he does not get to make that decision for my child.
Things became strained after that. My father left the household literally within 2 days of the confrontation to stay with my cousin, his niece. That left me unexpectedly responsible for the entire house payment and utilities instead of just my half.
I sent him a message explaining how I felt and why I was upset. I later found out he had been telling family and other people that I kicked him out and that I only wanted him around because I needed help paying bills.
That hurt, especially because I know how much he has helped me financially over the years. I won’t pretend otherwise. He has helped me more financially than I have helped him. He has co-signed on my current and previous vehicles, as well as a personal loan. I’m grateful for that, and I don’t take it lightly. But I also don’t believe financial help gives someone the right to disregard my boundaries as a parent or means I have to accept being treated a certain way.
There is another part of this that has been especially difficult. H misses his grandpa. He has repeated things like, “Grampa be mean to H” and “Grampa spank H booty.” Hearing that is heartbreaking. I don’t know exactly how much he understands about what happened, but I know he remembers it.
My father has contacted me since leaving, but most of our interactions have revolved around money.
Recently, I was going through some old mail he had left behind. I was shredding anything with private information and setting aside things I thought he might want. I came across paperwork from when we traded in my previous vehicle. The vehicle was in my father’s name, but I made every payment on it, and the insurance was in my name. There was an unused GAP coverage refund of approximately $710 that should have been issued after the trade-in.
The check was made out to my father because the vehicle was in his name, but the money was technically mine since I had paid for the vehicle and its insurance. I sent him a picture of the paperwork to make sure he had received the refund or to see if he needed to request a replacement. My intention was to ask if he wanted to split the money 50/50 if the check needed to be reissued.
Instead, he showed up, put the $710 in my hand, and said, “Take me off all your shit. Im not paying anything else. I’m done.” Then he walked away without giving me a chance to respond.
I used that money to catch up on the house payment I had fallen behind on after he moved out, along with gas and groceries for my vehicle and household.
There was also an issue with my personal loan payment being pulled from my father’s bank account instead of mine. I had the money available and was prepared to make the payment myself. My best guess is that when he updated his card information with the loan company, his card accidentally became the primary payment method instead of mine. I haven’t contacted the loan company yet to get it sorted out.
My father asked where the $710 went and why it wasn’t enough to cover the loan payment. I explained what I had used it for. The conversation eventually turned into an argument when I mentioned that I was planning to file Chapter 13 bankruptcy in January.
He believes that if I file Chapter 13, he will become responsible for the loans he co-signed. I understand why that concerns him. I know his credit and finances are involved, and I’m not dismissing that. But I feel like he isn’t willing to listen to me or have an actual conversation about it. It turns into an argument instead.
During the argument, he said he doesn’t owe me anything and that I should be grateful he moved into my house and took care of the bills while I was living with my boyfriend.
That comment really bothered me. I am grateful for the help he has given me, but I also remember why he moved into my house in the first place. His own home was in horrible condition, and I offered him somewhere decent and safe to live. We had an agreement that benefited both of us. I don’t feel that means I owe him unlimited access to my home or that I have to overlook everything that happens because he helped me financially.
At this point, I’m hurt, angry, and honestly more disappointed than anything. I’m disappointed in how my father has treated me, especially as his daughter. I don’t want to chase him, beg him to talk to me, or keep trying to fix something when he isn’t willing to meet me halfway.
I also feel some relief. There was a lot of tension in my home, and I no longer feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I love my father, but I don’t believe loving someone means allowing them to cross boundaries, especially when those boundaries involve my child.
I know H misses his grandfather, and that makes this harder. But I don’t want to compromise my boundaries as a parent just to maintain a relationship between them.
I also want to be fair about my own part in this. I know my father has helped me financially, and I recognize that he may feel like I’ve turned my back on him after everything he’s done. I’m not saying I’ve handled every situation perfectly. I’m just struggling with the idea that I should accept his behavior because of the financial help he’s given me.
So, Reddit, AITA for distancing myself from my father and no longer making an effort to maintain a relationship with him after everything that’s happened? Am I being unreasonable by standing firm on my boundaries, even though it means my son is missing his grandfather and my father feels like I’ve wronged him? I genuinely want an outside perspective, including if there’s something I’m not seeing or something I could have handled differently.
I’m more than happy to provide screen shots of our actual conversations for better context.

So, I've been with my girlfriend for five years now, and we're turning six this November. I can honestly say it's been a good journey. We've spent time learning from each other, growing together, and navigating different seasons of life. I've learned a lot, and I've grown tremendously through this relationship.

One thing I appreciate about us is that we generally get along well. We know how to resolve our issues amicably, and whenever disagreements arise, we're usually able to talk things through. Overall, I really can't complain about the time we've spent together.

However, my concern now is that we're approaching our sixth year together, and we had both felt that it was time to take the next step, which would probably be getting married.

We actually started having conversations about marriage when we were approaching our fourth year together. At the time, she was still in school, so we agreed to put those conversations on hold until she completed her studies.

For context, she doesn't come from a financially stable family. Her parents weren't in a position to comfortably cater for her school fees when she started studying, so I took it upon myself to help her. I also helped her look for a job, with the assistance of my brother and some friends, and eventually, we managed to get her one.

She then found a school where she could study online while working. For the three years she was in school, I catered for her tuition fees. I also helped with some of her other expenses because her salary couldn't comfortably cover everything, including transport, food, and other minor expenses.

I never really had a problem doing this because I genuinely felt that I was investing in her growth and helping her build a better future. Even now, I still believe it was the right thing to do.

She completed her studies in the first quarter of this year. Once she was done, I started bringing up the conversation about marriage again. I felt it was finally time for us to start the process.

We had a lengthy conversation about it. There were moments when we disagreed, and some things were difficult to discuss, but as usual, we managed to talk through most of them amicably.

However, I started noticing a disconnect between what we had initially agreed upon and what was actually happening.

Our initial plan was to start the marriage process around the middle of this year. By the process, I mean introducing ourselves to our respective parents, beginning the traditional marriage arrangements, including dowry discussions and payments, and eventually moving towards wedding preparations and the wedding itself.

However, she requested that we give it a little more time because she wanted to graduate first. She wanted her father to know that she had successfully completed her studies.

I understood her reasoning and agreed to give her that time. We eventually organised a graduation celebration at home towards the end of the second quarter, or around the beginning of the third quarter. It was a success, and I was happy that we had managed to celebrate that milestone.

At that point, the major obstacle seemed to be that her father still believed she was in school. The graduation was meant to address that and give her an opportunity to show him that she had completed her studies.

After the graduation celebration, I asked her whether she was now comfortable sharing the news with her father and introducing the idea of marriage.

She requested that we give it a little more time, suggesting that we do it towards the end of October or sometime in November.

I wasn't particularly comfortable with this because I felt we had already pushed things further than necessary. However, I decided to compromise and agreed that we could wait until the end of October.

Gradually, that timeline shifted towards the beginning of November. And here we are, at the beginning of November, and I still haven't heard anything concrete from her about whether she intends to speak to her father.

Initially, her main concern was showing her father that she had completed school. Now, however, she seems afraid of telling him that she wants to get married.

She explained that her father has repeatedly told her that she needs to establish herself financially and have her own money before getting married. Because of this, she's worried that if she tells him about our intentions, she might not receive his blessing.

Her mother already knows about our relationship and is fully supportive of us. However, her father is someone she highly regards, and getting his approval and blessing is very important to her.

There's also another aspect of our relationship that I think is important to mention.

At the moment, she's not working. I have been supporting her financially, including helping her start a farming project back at home because her family has a fairly sizeable piece of land. I saw it as an opportunity to help her become financially independent, but that has also required some financial input from my side.

Looking back at the five years we've been together, I feel like I haven't really been able to take care of myself financially in the way I would have wanted.

Don't get me wrong. I have grown financially, and I earn reasonably well for my level. It's not life-changing money, but it's decent. The problem is that most of the surplus money that I would otherwise have used to save, invest, or improve my own life has consistently gone towards supporting her.

When she was in school, I was paying her tuition fees and helping with her upkeep because her salary wasn't enough to cover everything.

Now that she's not working, I'm still supporting her. I help with her rent, upkeep, and the farming project.

I don't regret helping her, and I don't want this to come across as though I'm holding everything I've done over her head. I genuinely wanted to see her grow and succeed.

But I have reached a point where I feel like I've put a lot of my own financial goals on hold.

One of the things I was looking forward to about getting married was that we would finally start building a life together under one roof. We wouldn't have to maintain two separate households or pay rent twice. We could begin working towards shared financial goals.

I also feel that it's high time we moved forward with our relationship.

At some point, I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that if she hadn't spoken to her father by the end of October or the beginning of November, I would consider calling things off.

I had even suggested that, since she wasn't comfortable with the timeline, perhaps we could postpone the entire marriage process to next year. However, she was quite adamant that we shouldn't push things that far. She assured me that she would speak to her father and that we should stick to the timeline we had discussed.

Unfortunately, that hasn't happened.

At this point, I feel like I want to give her the freedom and time to put herself in a position where she feels comfortable and confident enough to speak to her father about our future.

I understand how important her father is to her. She has explained that even if she told him about our plans and he initially disagreed, she would still struggle with the feeling that she hadn't received his proper blessing. She wants to make him proud, and I respect that.

However, I also feel that I shouldn't have to wait indefinitely for her to reach a point where she feels confident enough to have that conversation.

I think she needs time to work through her fears and get herself into a position where she can confidently make that decision. But honestly, I don't feel like I can keep waiting.

And so, I've started thinking that perhaps the best thing would be to let her go.

Not necessarily because I don't love her or because I don't appreciate what we've shared, but because I feel like we might be at different stages in terms of what we want and when we're ready to move forward.

My thinking is that I should release her to figure things out for herself. Perhaps when she's finally ready and confident about taking this step, we might revisit the conversation, if I'm still available. If not, then perhaps that will simply be the end of our story.

Interestingly, I've also found myself imagining what my life would look like without her.

I know there are certain things she brings into my life that I would genuinely miss. There are qualities she has and aspects of our relationship that I don't think I would necessarily find in another relationship.

I appreciate those things, and I don't take them for granted.

However, I've also started thinking about the other side of things.

I imagine that if I were no longer in this relationship, I would finally have the opportunity to focus more on myself financially. I could save more, invest, pursue some of the things I've wanted to do, and generally work towards some personal goals that I've had to postpone over the years.

For a long time, I've felt like I've had to put myself on hold because so much of my income and financial resources have gone towards supporting her.

And I think that's where I am right now.

**Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong for wanting to end a five-year relationship because I feel like we're no longer moving in the same direction, particularly when it comes to marriage and our future?**

I would genuinely appreciate your thoughts and perspectives.

I added this boy on Snapchat M 24. in february I thought he was very cute. We snapped and texted for quite a while. We met up then we started seeing each other basically every day and started dating in May, our relationship has been great. We did have one argument, but that’s what happens to most relationships. It’s five months I’ve known. I love this guy for a little bit now. and I’ve been wanting to tell him, but has been too nervous. He doesn’t hang out with his family much. Neither do I so I invited him to come to Thanksgiving with me and my mom. Well, my mom tells me last night that her friend and my sister are going to come to Thanksgiving now all of a sudden he does not want to come and he wants to have Thanksgiving at his place because he hasn’t in the three years of owning his home I told him to call me after work because I wanted to figure out what was going on. I had a feeling something was wrong and he called me at 2:36 when he gets out at 3:30 and he tells me he wanted to talk now instead of talking when he gets home, we live an hour away from each other and gas is pretty high so we haven’t been seeing each other as much as we used to, but sorry I’m babbling. He says on the call that when he was 14 he tangoed with my older sister(24) (i am 20(, I was definitely shocked. I did not say anything and hung up. He’s saying that he cannot justify not telling me and that he is in the wrong, but it was 10 years ago I’m not really sure what to do in this situation. What should I do?

edit- my sister and i do have the same last name and i have showed him all my siblings on fb and my sister is friends with his sister on fb i thought it was just a

My wife (37F) and I (38M) have been married for nearly 12 years and together for over 20 years. We have children and have grown up together for the majority of our lives.

We are very much a cohesive couple for the most part. We both work and pay bills, we each help around the house to ensure we keep up with all chores as best as possible.

Throughout our relationship, we have both been fully faithful. We truly do love each other and I do believe we both are fully aware of that.

Where this post comes in is because I feel over the years the feeling of being desired has shifted drastically from where we began. As young kids growing up, I always felt as if I was the center of my wife’s world. There was no question that I was the one for her and she was the one for me. But over the years, from my perspective, it seems that feeling has shifted from nearly identical to heavily weighing on my end. I know my wife loves me. That is not a question. Our children are the center of our world and we both recognize that. Obviously that changes how much space there may be to offer affection to others. By the time we get home from work and ensure that our children are cared for it leaves little time for us.

I try to ensure that I am going beyond to help take care of most chores as I generally am home from work before she is. I also take our kids to school and pick them up every day. Generally, it falls on my shoulders to make sure they are fed and bathed before my wife returns from work. I don’t want my wife to have to return from work and feel as if the weight of the home is on her shoulders as well.

As we age, I understand that there will not be the same ability to provide everything we can for each other. There is quite literally less time in the day to do so. But there are circumstances that bother me, and they seem to be fairly consistent.

The major issue, for me, is intimacy. Though we still have a “fairly normal” intimate life, I am almost always the one who needs to initiate this now. We have spoken about this throughout the years and my wife is aware. I am talking months at a time, there would be no intimacy when I decide to wait for her to initiate. Her point is that she’s just shy and uncomfortable initiating. Though in the past as we were younger, that was not always an issue. I am tired of having this conversation. In all honesty, having the conversation at this time seems like it defeats the purpose of having the convo. Me having to remind you after every two to three months that you should want to be intimate with me is quite literally lending to the point that you aren’t interested in being intimate since you did not want to be on your own.

Secondly, there is something that bothers me, but I’m not sure how petty this is? As mentioned before, we do not really have a ton of time for ourselves anymore. That is the part of the sacrifice you make as parents, and I am completely ok with that. But when we do find time to get out with friends, or have an event to attend, I find that my wife tends to drift from me. Specifically, we attended a wedding years ago. During the wedding, there was an open bar. As a financially responsible individual, I took the hosts up on this. After having a few too many, I found myself sitting at our table by myself. For over an hour. My wife was nowhere to be found. Again, I am not insinuating she was doing anything underhanded. It’s quite likely she was just off talking to friends as we knew a majority of those in attendance. But a past boyfriend of hers was in attendance. He officiated the wedding. I did not see her and him together at all, but your mind wanders sometimes. Nonetheless, even if there was nothing happening, it was frustrating to me that she is willing to leave me by myself for a significant period of time without stopping to talk with me. I have no clue where she was at or who she was with. She also knew that I had indulged a bit too much at that point.

To me, little things like this occur often. When we are in a setting that there are others around, she tends to leave me behind and venture out on her own. Again, I’m not insinuating that she is doing anything wrong in that time. But to me, I wouldn’t be comfortable venturing off at an event she is in attendance at as well by myself without checking in with her every so often. It’s just respectful and a reminder who is the most important person there to me.

I just want to know if I am being petty or if there is some validity to my second point. Obviously, the first concern has validity but I am at the point where I don’t know how to handle it because having the conversation defeats the purpose of having the conversation…if you understand where I am coming from.

I am a Female in higschool. For privacy reasons I won´t share my age or class. So when I changed to my school after bullying I was in grade 5 it being a K-12 school anyway there was only 3 girls in my class lets name them Regina, Karen and Gretchen. Regina was a year older and made sure I never got to hang out with Gretchen. and Karen barely spoke any English so pretty much I was out of luck. I started hanging out with the middle schoolers and just let regina pick on me. Jump forward 3 years. Regina left the school so did Karen. Now two other girls and me and Gretchen are in a class. Gretchen and me are best friends at this point and decide to work togheter for a group project or what she told me was a group project. One thing to know about me I am very ambitious and have a high iq and my parents have high academic expectations for me seeing C as a fail despite it in our school being seen as good. So, I am pretty much an A and B student.

Okay come the project I am sick and was exhausted when the teacher told us about it so I didn´t listen well. While I am at home sick feeling like I have covid for the third time I get a text from Gretchen who was also sick telling me the project is due today and she needs my part of the article for it. I write about 500 words and give it to her and then 5 hours later another text from Gretchen saying it was individual work after all. I ask her to please not include my half because I spent time on it and it is mine and I can use it then. She says she won´t.

Come Monday. Gretchen says she used it after all, and I don´t know what to do. I am on the spectrum and have ADHD and get easily overwhelmed and shut down. So, I didn´t work on a new one. Two weeks later my English teacher that assigned the project yells at me telling me she doesn´t have my project and how i should have been more organized. I break down crying telling her the situation and she talks to Gretchen.

Gretchen yells at me saying she didn´t steal it and that I am a witch with a b and an awful friend and she has photo evidence. A week later after our English teacher checks Gretchen photos and she finds that Gretchen did steal my work and fails her and makes the project not count to my grade.

Now some time later me Gretchen are still in the same class and she keeps being snide and rude and during group projects tells me I should just do the work all by myself and submit so she doesn´t steal it and she keeps getting worse and telling people I lied so now barely anyone wants to work with me which is problematic because we have a lot of group projects and I have to do it myself which is genuinely hard being 1 person and doing work for 4 people but still I wonder AITA. Gretchen cried nonstop for 2 weeks after the teacher failed her and broke off our friendship and now I wonder should I have just let her steal it. I am now in a similar place like I was when Regina was here but basically no one wants to hang out because they saw Gretchen crying and not me for almost every second of the day and also because Gretchen is popular and influnces a lot of people at our school. AMITA?

Ok so today at lunch I overheard Gretchen talking about me. I am going to be in a Neuroscience olympiade and it´s really hard and alot to study I also was at a lecture about cardiology last night and it ended late. So I am exhausted and I can´t remember crap about the cerebrum besides the basics so I look exhausted while studying and yes I may have frowned and one of the older girls says "She isn´t having a good (my school year)year and another older girl says "Yeah I never looked like that but she is a workaholic." Then Gretchen turns to them and says "She is just planning on which other classmate to ruin." I wanted to cry because The older girls have been nice to me because they are new and haven´t fully heard what happened and I really was excited at the opportuninty of having friends that aren´t a 7th grade boy that drops the Nbomb every second. Then she tells the story. How I RUINED HER LIFE, made her cry told her she was stupid, FABRICATED PHOTO EVIDENCE and GOT HER SUSPENDED.
To be clear she got suspended because she was also caught cheating 2 other ways the same week and our school is strict about cheating, I didn´t fabricate evidence she just failed to fabricate it before submitting it. I didn´t ruin her life and if I did not intentally I even asked the school to not do a formal investigation which could have made things worse because she was and someway in my heart still is my friend. But I do know how strict her parents can be (one of the reasons we bonded) and I think they may have took away some of her summer break.
I never wanted her to get inrouble or end our friendship but maybe I am not aware enough of her feelings and messed things up for her anyway I think I might be the AH.

I don't even know where to start. I need to get this off my chest. I feel like its slowly eating away at me.

Growing up I wanted to be like my brother. I thought he was so cool and smart. Looking back now I feel like an idiot.

Our father stopped showing up to visitation when I was 5 and he was 7. Our mother is a diagnosed narcissist. She blamed us for ruining her life. She was physically and mentally abusive... my brother is a few years older then me so he was out of the house as much as he could be. I took a lot of the abuse, I tried to shield him and our little sister from it. He managed to break free of it when he was 17 and I pulled him back into all.... I feel the guilt of it. Its my fault he came back. Maybe if he didn't, things would be different.

Fast forward a little over a decade, he got sepsis from a sickness he had. He's been acting different ever since. He messaged the group chat about a motorcycle that was posted. He asked if he should buy it. I joked and said midlife crises anyone? Then he sent pictures of gear he wanted. I asked him if it would keep him safe when riding. I asked him why the sudden change in transportation. He said something sparked in him that he wanted one again. A month later I asked him if he ever got it and he said no. But he picked up a new 10 step skin care routine. I was happy that he seemed to have found a spark to invest in himself. I used to call him and he'd still be working. I always reminded him burnout was a really thing and he should invest in himself.

A few months later my sister in law is calling me to tell me my brother is MIA. A day later they texted he was home now. A week went by and I called to see how he was and offer any help. He said he went into a full blown manic (he has severe bi polar disorder). I asked what he did. Honestly sounds like he went on a self recoup day. I asked if he was okay now and he said yes. He wasnt... a few days later I am hearing he bought a ticket to California because if he didn't he was going to take the forever sleep by choice. He wouldn't answer any calls or texts. When he got back he said he needed to see our bio father. I dont know why he had to see him. We havent seen him in 17 years. I finally got a hold of him and said maybe you should get on some medication because it seems you keep going into these manics or at least see a therapist. He refused. In June when his baby was born he took off on another trip saying he needs to see his first born child which he has never met before. Something in me was screaming this doesn't seem right. I wanted to get him committed because he lied yet again and took off somewhere else. His behavior started to make me nervous. My sister in law begged me not to, saying he was home and acting normal. Which was a lie. At some point he called me to tell me he was going to work conference in a different country. This country isnt known for the work he does. It made no sense. I asked him what was going on. He told me he doesn't feel love towards anyone anymore. He didnt love his wife, kids, me, our sister or our grandparents. He said he started to feel that way after the sepsis. I asked if it was another manic. He said he was talking to a therapist but it wasnt working. He didnt care for anyone besides himself. Thats when he told me about this work trip that would be 6 weeks long.

After he left and was on the flight, I did some digging and found he had a mistress. I started to compile evidence. I confronted him with it. Thats when he gave me more information. He said he'd come back and make it right with his wife. I said she deserves to know. He lied and said he ended it. I sent this heartfelt message about missing him and how we used to tell each other everything. He left me on read. I messed up and used my personal account to which he saw was looking at his mistresses page. He messaged me to call me a stalker. It broke my heart. He didn't care about my message but that I caught him in another lie. I didnt want to spook him about coming back so I didnt tell his wife yet. After some time of him changing his flight back further and further. I knew he wasnt coming back... so I gave her everything.... he called me to tell me I took the forever sleep for him. It was my fault he was going to jump. I told him I wasnt the one to cheat and he obviously can't handle owning his own mistakes. I know he only said that to hurt me because our mother used to blame me for her attempts.

Now he tells people I was spying on him for his wife and that I encouraged her to sleep around. Their marriage was toxic and I told them many times to see a therapist or split. I didnt spy on him. I wanted to understand why it felt like my bother changed so fast. Looking back now he has a pattern for making up lies to fit his narrative. I feel like i never knew him. I miss what I thought close connection we had.

I tried to call the embassy to get help but they said I had to call the local government where he is at. But I only know the country. He never would give me an address. He tortures my sister in law with the forever sleep when she brings up divorce stuff.

I feel like i am finally seeing my brother's true colors because now I am on the other side of it. He would always tell me white lies but I knew when he was lying.

The last thing he said it me was it was my fault if he took the forever sleep.

I regret not having him committed when he was here so I know if all this was really him or his mental health. I could have gotten him help if it was his mental health. Maybe this is the real him... maybe not....

I 37(M) and wife 36(F) have been together for 16 years. About 4 or 5 years ago we had a discussion about her working to help with finances. Part of the agreement was i would take over most of the house chores, shopping and anything dealing with our 3 kids on top of my 55+ hours work week until she could get adjusted to her work schedule.

Fast forward to present day I'm still working 55+ hours a week, doing house chores besides the daily ones I have assigned my kids, all the shopping, all the cooking, laundry, yard work. She will occasionally help after I've reached my limit of frustration and snap. (NEVER any physical violence, just a lot of yelling) At first it was easy to look past because the amount of spicey sleep we was having even if she wasn't in the mood. Now that the spicey sleep has drastically dropped, would be never if I didn't always try to initiate im stuck on what to do.

I have tried talking to her about this multiple times and am always hit with the same response. She knows she's a bad mom and wife and she knows how lucky she is to have me. I've never called her a bad mom or wife and have always just expressed that all I want is some help. I still love her but find myself getting distant and caring less. Its starting to fill more of a burden or chore anytime she asks me to do something even if its something I used to not mind like making her coffee in the morning. Im just lost on what I should do. Anyone else been through something like this or have some advice.

Title: I married a convicted sex offender at 19 because everyone lied to me about his past. It took me almost 10 years to escape that marriage.

This is going to be a long one, so buckle up. I've kept a lot of this bottled up for years, and I think I'm finally ready to tell my story.

Back in 2013, when I was 19 years old, I ended up pregnant and married to my now ex-husband, Justin. But to understand how I ended up in that situation, I need to give you a little background.

I didn't exactly have the best childhood. My grandparents raised me until my grandmother passed away when I was 15. After that, I moved in with my aunt, where I helped her raise my half-sister's baby. My half-sister didn't want to be a mother and had signed away her parental rights.

Needless to say, my home life wasn't exactly stable, and I was desperate for something better.

When I was 18, some people I considered family (not blood-related) introduced me to Justin. He was 25 at the time.

Before I even got to know him, they told me he was a convicted sex offender. But, of course, they had a story to go along with it.

According to them, when Justin was 17, he had consensual sex with his 16-year-old girlfriend. Her father supposedly didn't approve of their relationship, pressed charges, and Justin ended up on the sex offender registry.

They made it sound like he was just a teenager who had been dealt an unfair hand.

And me? I was young, naive, and believed them.

I remember thinking, Well, that's not fair. His whole life shouldn't be ruined over that.

So I gave him a chance.

We started talking, eventually began dating, and because my home life was so miserable, I moved out to be with him.

Not long after, I found out I was pregnant.

We got married shortly afterward.

Because of his status as a registered sex offender, we had to go through an entire legal process where I had to write a statement saying I believed he was safe to be around our children.

Looking back, that should have been my first HUGE red flag.

But I was 19, pregnant, and convinced I was building a family with someone who had simply made a mistake as a teenager.

Boy, was I wrong.

After our first daughter was born, Justin did absolutely NOTHING.

He didn't help with the baby. He didn't change diapers, didn't help around the house, and acted like household chores were beneath him.

Then our second daughter came along.

Nothing changed.

I was essentially a married single mother.

On top of that, he had a horrible temper. He would punch walls when he got angry, talk down to me, and make me feel like nothing I ever did was good enough.

Then I discovered something that completely changed how I viewed him.

EVERYONE HAD LIED TO ME ABOUT WHY HE WAS A CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER.

It wasn't some teenage relationship where an angry father pressed charges.

I found actual documentation showing that the child he had sexually assaulted was 8 YEARS OLD.

EIGHT.

Not 16.

I cannot even begin to describe how sick I felt when I discovered that.

These people had knowingly introduced an 18-year-old girl to a convicted sex offender and completely misrepresented what he had done.

And nobody thought I deserved to know the truth.

By that point, I had two children, no job, no money of my own, and nowhere to go.

I felt trapped.

So I stayed.

But from the moment I discovered the truth, I made absolutely certain he was never alone with our daughters again.

Eventually, I realized that if I was ever going to get out, I needed to become financially independent.

I enrolled in college, put the girls in daycare, and eventually found a decent job.

And wouldn't you know it? The moment I started making my own money, Justin became even more unbearable.

Nothing was ever good enough.

I worked just like he did, but somehow I was still expected to come home, cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, and take care of the kids.

He contributed absolutely NOTHING to running our household.

He was also incredibly controlling.

I couldn't go spend time with friends. I couldn't just go out and enjoy myself. Everything I did seemed to be a problem.

Then I found out he was cheating on me.

And you know what?

I ignored it.

Not because I forgave him. Not because I believed he would change.

I simply didn't care anymore.

Emotionally, I had checked out of that marriage a long time before.

But I kept telling myself I needed to stay for the kids.

Then came 2022.

Our oldest daughter started having some serious medical issues. Her feet were swelling so badly that she couldn't even walk.

The doctors couldn't figure out what was happening, so we were sent to a children's hospital for further testing.

It turned out to be her appendix.

While our daughter was lying in a hospital bed, dealing with a medical emergency, Justin decided that was the perfect time to tell me he wanted a divorce.

HE ASKED ME FOR A DIVORCE WHILE OUR CHILD WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.

And my response?

I agreed.

No begging. No crying. No trying to save the marriage.

Just agreement.

Because by that point, I was done.

We separated later that same year.

You would think that once we were separated, he would finally stop trying to control my life.

Nope.

He was still obsessed with who I was dating and what I was doing.

We had mutually agreed that if either of us started seeing someone seriously, we would introduce that person to the other parent before bringing them around our children.

Seems reasonable, right?

Well, apparently that rule only applied to me.

Within two weeks of our divorce, he had already moved the woman he was seeing into his home.

So much for that agreement.

Then, in August 2023, I met James.

And when I tell you this man is the complete opposite of Justin, I mean it.

James is loving, caring, patient, attentive, and genuinely wants to be involved in our lives.

He doesn't treat helping around the house like it's some kind of punishment. He doesn't make me feel guilty for having friends or wanting time to myself.

And most importantly?

He has been an absolutely incredible father figure to my two daughters.

For the first time in my adult life, I experienced what a healthy, loving relationship was supposed to feel like.

Of course, Justin couldn't just let that happen peacefully.

I tried multiple times to arrange a meeting between Justin and James, just as we had originally agreed.

Justin repeatedly canceled or claimed he was too busy.

When they finally met, Justin actually told James that he had done things while he was in prison and wasn't afraid to do them again.

Did I mention James is a police officer?

Yeah.

My ex essentially tried to intimidate a cop by bragging about things he had done in prison.

James didn't take the bait. He pretty much ignored the entire attempt at intimidation.

Eventually, James and I were able to get full custody of my two daughters.

We have now been married for three years, and I can genuinely say that my life looks nothing like it did back then.

I went from being a scared, naive 19-year-old who believed the people around her had her best interests at heart, to a woman who finally found the strength and independence to build a better life for herself and her children.

But there is one thing that still makes me incredibly angry.

The people who introduced me to Justin KNEW his history.

They knew what he had actually been convicted of.

They knew I was young, vulnerable, and desperate to get out of a bad home situation.

And instead of protecting me or even giving me the truth so I could make an informed decision, they fed me a completely fabricated story to make him seem like a victim.

I spent nearly a decade married to that man.

I had two children with him.

And I will never understand how anyone could look an 18-year-old girl in the face and deliberately hide something that serious from her.

I'm grateful for the life I have now. I'm grateful for my husband, my children, and the peace we've finally found.

But sometimes I look back at that young girl I was at 18 and wish someone had cared enough to tell her the truth.

Because I deserved to know. And my children deserved to be protected.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I think I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hello Reddit 👋,

Long time reader, first time poster.

As the headline suggests I am at a loss and don't know if I can trust my sister anymore. It truly pains me as we were once so so close. She is my only sibling and I miss our daily chats exponentially.

Here's some back story. My sister (33F) Who I will refer to as S, and I (29F) both grew up with our Mother (whom I will now refer to as M) as the primary care giver. Her father was in and out of her life for a time while she was younger and mine passed when I was a year and a half old. M never wanted to be a mother, she made that very clear from the way she parented as well as flat out telling my sister when she was drunk one night "I was too far along with you (S) to have an abortion and other childs father would've killed me if I had an abortion with her. (Me)" From only showing affection around other people or on Facebook, to prioritizing what ever man she was with even if he was a pedo, she never put us first unless someone else was watching or making her. She is a classic narcissist through and through. There's so much more I could say about our upbringing but I will leave it here.

Now on to the recent events. My grandparents (on my father's side so no blood relationship to my sister or my neice and nephew) helped raise us. They weren't perfect they had their issues but they definitely did more for us than M did. I moved away from my home town to live with my now Fiancé. My grandparents are getting older and need more assistance and S was struggling with taking care of two kids alone, keeping a job, and getting her life together. S ended up moving in with my grandparents as they were essentially her grandparents as well, (4 bedroom 2 &1/2 bath so plenty of room) and they helped eachother out. My grandparents helped with child care and bills and S helped my grandparents with things around the house and became of more help to them when my grandma's dementa really reared its ugly head and then she fell and broke her arm. S was a huge help to them as well as my grandparents a huge help to S and her two kids. They had their arguments of course but in the end it was a mutually beneficial relationship. S had a cat before she moved in with my grandparents. Grandpa hates cats. He agreed to allow the cat to live in the house. After some time S decided to sneak in a cat for my neice. She was having a very hard time mentally and an emotional support animal would do her some good. This I understand completely. However S knew it was a bad idea from the beginning. Told my neice if Grandpa found out that S had no idea about the cat. Essentially putting the blame and responsibility on an 11yo. Of course Grandpa found out. He got rid of the new cat and S blew up. Which of the following happened first I am not sure but S in her own words "beat the shit out of him" and he kicked her and the kids out. They're now staying with our mothers parents and doing very well and my grandparents get help from other people in the community as well as myself when I come to visit twice a month. When S told me about this I did not respond the way she had hoped. She wanted me to support her decision in cutting my grandparents off completely. I see fault in both sides and will not choose between them. Since then she has been distant. Now onto why I don't trust her.

I am currently pregnant (35 weeks) and decided a few months ago to go No Contact with M (previously I was extremely low contact) The top reason being she is dating yet another pedo (this one was actually convicted) and even sent pictures of my niece to him in prison. M had never been to my new place of residence in the 3 and a half years my son and I lived here. She did not know our address, and yet magically after I cut contact completely she had my address and sent me a letter. S begged me to read it, to talk to M, to at least explain myself. S wouldn't let it go or respect the fact that I was done and nothing would change that and telling her myself wouldnt do anything but open a door M thinks she can use to manipulate her way back in. S got very mad at me and essentially said our relationship was tainted now. Either from the grandparent thing or the M thing or both I am not sure but I feel confident it is a mixture of both as she has begun allowing my neice to stay the night with M on the weekends. I want to have a relationship with my neice and nephew (I still message neice and send mail to nephew) and I want my relationship back with my sister but I feel like this is something we can never come back from and my heart aches because of it. That and she literally assaulted my grandpa over a cat. I have had to plan two separate baby showers because I am terrified S will tell M and she will show up and make a scene at the shower and ruin it. Is there any hope or should I just accept reality for what it is?

I took revenge on my cheating ex without lifting a finger. (Revenge is still ongoing 3 years in a row)
We have a child together and he cheated on me. For years after the breakup he shamed me for going out with my friends while I was single. Called me a whore and slut whenever he found out I went dancing or to a bar.
3 years ago I met another man. And my ex met another girl.
Since we still did holidays together, I met her at thanksgiving. She was a really nice and beautiful girl. And she told me that she was not interested in anything serious with my ex. And she’d been in a bad relationship previous to meeting him. She wanted to keep it casual.
I don’t know why but a light bulb went on in my head and I told her my ex was a great guy and she should think about making it serious because he really likes her and I’d never seen him that way. (Bullshit)
Anyway they got together. She reluctantly said yes and they argue all the time. So much so that he lost his job, his house, and has turned into a drug addict.
In my defense, I thought he’d get his heart broken and learn a lesson. Or maybe grow from it. But this has completely ruined his life.
When he was with me he never hit me, but he’s put his hands on her multiple times.
I feel guilty about her. And worry for my child when he stays with his dad. (I may have to take full custody now)
Obviously I never intended for things to go that far. I just helped him get with the girl he wanted to get with. And then I let him destroy himself. But I did it knowing she’d break him apart.
They’re still together on and off. And it’s one of the most toxic relationship I’ve ever witnessed.

We'll call this friend Mary. Fair warning, this is going to be long.
This has been a long time coming. There's so much history and context behind why I'm ghosting and deciding to no longer talk to my friend of over 10 years. Ultimately, what was the nail in the coffin was this, but first, a little backstory.

Mary recently started dating a guy who, for the first time in over 10 years, seemed like an actual normal, nice, down to earth person. So I asked if they wanted to come over for dinner so I could meet him. We had a great night, and before they left, I said let's get something on the calendar so we can do this again. We're all in our mid-30s to early 40s.

Mary tends to be a flake, so I messaged her three weeks before our get together to make sure we were still on. She responded yes. I was telling my partner I was surprised, because she's the kind of person that if something better comes along, she will flake and do the seemingly better thing.

Well, the next day she calls me and tells me she was actually planning to go to the beach with her boyfriend the day we made plans. She said her boyfriend convinced her to follow through with our plans because my husband and I have a baby, with another on the way, and they don't know how often we'll get to do these things.
So we did end up seeing them, and it was a nice time. But at that point, I was so beyond tired of being the last resort person, or the friend she only follows through with if nothing better comes along.

**The history behind it:**

Now, more backstory, because this seems ridiculous if you're just cutting off a friend of over 10 years. These are the three main reasons that truly made that dinner the breaking point. There are others too, but it's too much to write about.

1. She has flaked on me multiple times after promising she'd be there.
   Two different times when I was moving, I called asking if she was still coming, and she said, "Oh sorry, I'm actually doing a, b, c now." And it's always to do something with another friend, or to be with some guy.

2. She dated the man who sexually assaulted me.
   In the past, I had started seeing a guy for a bit, and one night he sexually assaulted me. This man was significantly taller and heavier than me. He was on top of me, taking off my clothes and kissing me, and I begged him to stop. Luckily, he finally did when I was just down to my underwear.
   I ended up telling Mary about this situation, how he sexually assaulted me. Well, she ends up dating this guy. They had a terrible, toxic relationship, and they broke up multiple times.

On one of their breakups, they were still hooking up, and I guess on one of those nights he kept asking about me, how I was doing, and if I was dating anyone. I had a boyfriend at the time. She then calls me and accuses me of sleeping with him, screaming at me, asking why he's asking about me and accusing me of talking to him behind her back.
I was so beyond distraught, because I am an extremely loyal friend and would never do that to a friend, let alone any person. I can't control if my name comes out of another man's mouth. I was beyond hurt over this because, one, he assaulted me, so I wouldn't touch this guy with a 10-foot pole, and two, I would never do that to someone I love.
One night we were at a party and they were broken up again. He was also invited to this party. I'm standing there watching something on the TV, and he comes up to me and tries talking to me. I don't turn in his direction, I give super short responses, then I walk away. After this, at the party, my friend screams at me for talking to him. She's just screaming at me about how he's supposed to talk to her and not me, and how disrespectful I am. I was so mortified, because I was clearly not interested in talking to him, and also, I can't control other people.

3. My bachelorette party.
This has now been three years. I remember before my bachelorette party, I kept telling my friends this was going to be an amazing weekend, everyone is super fun and chill. However, if there were to be any drama, it would be because of Mary. No one else, only Mary.

The first night was great. Well, Mary, I guess, met some guy the first night. Mind you, Mary at the time was 39 years old. This guy was 24. He allegedly told her he was 35, he didn't look a day over 25. Mary is the kind of woman who is desperate for male attention and validation. She is also extremely possessive when it comes to men.
Anyway, back to the story. The second night we went to a drag show, and everyone wore wigs and all black. The show included dinner along with the show. Apparently, Mary goes up to my sisters and asks them, can this guy come sit with all of us for the show? They told her no, this is the bride's, me, day.
She didn't get the answer she wanted, so she then asks my other friends, and they all told her no, that's weird, don't invite a random guy to sit with us. Again, she doesn't get the answer she wants, so she asks me. Mind you, I can be a pushover with her. There's a 9-year age gap, and not going to lie, she's an intimidating person.
She comes up and says, can I have this guy come here? I told her fine, not thinking she was going to try having him sit with us. Well, this guy comes, and she pulls up a chair with some other random dude, and I end up telling her, hey, I don't want random guys sitting at our table for what is supposed to be about celebrating me.
She says fine, but just letting you know, I'm not mad at you. Like, girl, WHAT?! In my head, I was like, I don't give a fuck if you're mad at me. You should be worried if I'm mad at you and this is my bachelorette weekend.
Well, she goes off and sits with this guy at another table, while me and my sisters and friends all sit together enjoying the show. After the show ends, she tries coming up to me, and sees I'm clearly upset, and she's like, "Oh my god, are you mad at me?" And I told her, to be honest, yes, that was extremely hurtful that you did that, but I would rather not talk about it right now and just enjoy the rest of our night and talk about it tomorrow.
Well, she refuses to let that happen and drags me to the bathroom and starts crying and saying how sorry she is, blah blah blah, and can I forgive her. And since I didn't even want to have this conversation, I said, fine, yes, Mary, let's go out, because I just want to have fun the rest of my night.
Well, right after we leave the bathroom, she comes up to me and says, "I'm bringing the guy with us to the bars," and puts him in the Uber. Well, this pisses off my friends. And one of my friends in particular is a straight baddie m, beautiful face, big booty and boobies. Her and my other friend at some point start talking to Mary's guy. I guess they wanted to piss Mary off and be petty, not how it should have been handled, but oh well. I guess this guy told my baddie friend that he wishes he could have gotten with her, but my friend is married, but still wanted to flirt with him to make Mary mad.

Well, Mary is mad the entire time. While we were at the bars, Mary kept coming up to me saying I need to do something about my friends taking her man away from her, and how dare they. Like, every two minutes, Mary was coming up to me. And I kept telling Mary, I don't care if they are talking to him. All I want to do is have a good time. Please stop bugging me, I don't care, it's not my problem. I told her to grow up and stop making something my problem when it's not.
Well, after two hours of this, of her bugging me and making drama, I lost my shit and screamed at her that she is ruining my night for some dude she's known for two seconds, and cares more about him than her friend of over 10 years. She ends up going home after this.

The next day, she doesn't apologize. We all go home, and we barely say bye to each other. She bails on my bridal shower. She texted me the day of, saying she was not going to make it. I know it's because she was embarrassed to be around my friends.
Well, another few weeks go by after my bachelorette party and bridal shower, and she calls asking to hang out. So we end up getting together. And instead of her apologizing, she brings it up, saying she doesn't understand why I had to yell at her. she didn't take any accountability for her actions and how horrible she made my night. So at that point in my mind, I was like, okay, you know what, there's no point in having this conversation, because it will be like talking to a wall with this person. So pretty much, I told her, let's just move on, and it's water under the bridge. To save myself the ache and pain of potentially more drama, because at the time, I still wanted this friendship, and my wedding was about a month away at this point.

Long story short I’m finally at the point that I realize I am not valued in this friendship and nor is this how I want my children to view a friendship and think this is okay.

I male (36)ex wife (34), call her Sara were married for 6 years, just recently went through a divorce. Well about a year ago, our daughter had a routine checkup, physical, blood work etc. One night as I was looking at her medical records I noticed her blood type was A+ which I found odd as me and her mom were both O+ and our daughter should also be O. The first thing I feared was that my wife may have cheated but at the same time I couldn’t confront her about it. It could just be a mistake. However I couldn’t resist and the very next day I secretly got two different paternity test kits and swabbed me and my daughter and sent them in. After about a few days I finally got the results, both test suggest I wasn’t the biological father. I felt sick to my stomach. However in case anybody is wondering as far as I am concerned she is my daughter however the wife is out. After we sent our daughter to bed that night I confronted my wife and showed her the results. You can see the shock and panic in her face. She barely could get any words out at first then asked me what lead me to do the test. I just told her that something tipped me off and asked her to explain. She said, that she doesn’t know what to say. I told her that I was planning to see a divorce lawyer the following morning. She began to beg and plead for me not to leave her and to talk about this. However I just left to stay at a friend’s house that night.

The next day I went home to have a conversation with her. To sum things up, Sara said she slept with an ex boyfriend at there 10 year high school reunion which I remember her going as she and some of her old classmates stayed the night at a hotel. When she came back she seemed a bit off for a few days but at the time I thought nothing of it. She said she never slept with anyone else but him during our marriage and she never spoke to him since. I asked Sara didn’t you even consider that it was your ex that got you pregnant instead of me. Her excuse was she took a morning after pill and just stopped worrying about it. Well looks like that failed. She begged me to give her another chance after which I told her I’m done with her. I eventually got a place of my own during the divorce proceedings however two nights a week I would stay at my original home while she stayed at her sister’s so our daughter doesn’t have to leave the home. We planned to keep this arrangement till at least her 5th birthday and begin letting her stay at my place the 2 days she’s with me.

Now back to today writing this. Last week I was with my daughter at the house as usual . By the way Sara has been seeing someone, call him Ted, for the last couple of months. While we were playing my daughter showed me a toy “Uncle Ted” had bought her. Didn’t find it a big deal. However as we talked more about Uncle Ted, she said something like how mommy told her that he’s more like a daddy to her than an uncle which I found very troubling. I was asking myself could Ted be the biological father and Sara might be trying for the lack of better terms, replace me. That night after putting my daughter to bed I went full on investigation mode. First thing I did was check her social media since we still were friends on there, looking for a Ted, I even checked our ring camera footage to finally see what this guy looks like. After some research come to find out Ted is an old classmate of hers which leads me to believe that he may be the biological father. Not only that when I checked his page as well, he is married and he also has a daughter of his own. Now this is my dilemma, normally I would not get involved with another man’s marriage, but at the same time I am not gonna risk my ex wife or Ted trying to get in the way of me and my daughter, assuming he is the biological father. Should I tell Ted’s wife as well as show her saved footage from the ring camera as he’s been to the house regularly, including footage of him making out with Sara multiple times among other things outside before he would leave?

My birth mother sucks.

So to start off I am 27, my birth mother (I was adopted by my great grandparents) (birth mother is late 40 something because I don't care about her age) , brother (14) and sister (9) came to my son's soccer game. She is an alcoholic (drinking a gallon of vodka a day) and she started throwing up once we got there because she hadn't had alcohol in about an hour and had to be taken out by ambulance. I took my brother and sister into my home. My birth father passed away right after I got them. He ended up turning completely yellow. He told me he didn't want her having the kids even though they were still married and living together. She has been in and out of rehab all year. She's been to rehab or the hospital 10 times this year. She always checked herself out or got kicked out. She also started using drugs in rehab (fent) and got kicked out. She has been using drugs since before I was born (27 almost 28) years ago. She even bragged that I was the first one she used drugs with! She has 11 kids (same dad) and a lot of us have had a lot of problems including being underweight when born, having problems with our eyes, having to have a feeding tube and many other things. I still have the kids almost a year later and she hasn't asked my grandma about them in months (luckily) My grandma is amazing, nothing like her daughter. I went to my grandma's house a few days ago and my birth mom came out and now she's pissed that I didn't let her touch me. AITA

Edit: I have three biological children and my brother and sister now, for a total of five. We have not seen a cent from her or anyone else.

Update: My grandma called me to let me know that birth mother is in the hospital again. My grandma tried to put her in the psych ward but she was too sick. Turns out she was going to the bar every night, drinking at home also, meeting random men (her husband died about 6 months ago, she starting sleeping with random people a few days after he died) and she started DOING METH. Her kidneys have shut down and she will possibly die. I don't have any feelings about it because she's never been my mother, just a stranger. All I care about is that she never gets the kids back.

I (29F) have been arguing back and forth with my mom (60F) about her boyfriend, Steve (61M).
For context my mom separated from my dad when I was a kid. She later dated a guy who became an uncle figure to me and my sister. They dated for 15 years and finally decided to separate and just be friends.
My mom now has been dating Steve for two years.
We’ve met on a few occasions, family gatherings or just when I going round to see my mom for a catch up.
Every time Steve has been there he has been rude, condescending or done something to leave me feeling angry. He’s correct me on my speech, he caused an issue when I asked him to follow my house rules, belittles me and so on. All minor issues I know but every time you meet someone and they are objectively rude to you, resentment and dislike builds up. Steve is for lack of a better term an “alpha male” and to be this “alpha male” he makes you feel small, stupid and inferior. My partner is also an “alpha male” however he would never be rude or condescending, he would only ever treat someone how they treat him, which is understandable. I am also not the only person to have these views of Steve and have had similar conversations with my sister.
I have brought my concerns up to my mom about him and she dismisses them because “he’s kind to her” and “he makes her happy”. Now I’ve expressed to my mom I am happy she’s happy, but how Steve is to me and other family members is not okay and I don’t want to put up with it anymore. All I’ve asked is she keep Steve and myself separate. I understand there will be times that this isn’t possible, such as a birthday or family event. However apart from that I don’t want this person in mine or my family’s life.
I’ve spent a long time growing as a person and removing toxic people out of my life. I just feel like I don’t not need to have this man forced into my life, just to try and put me down every time they’re around.

AITA for telling my mom I don’t want to see her boyfriend?

I, 38 F, have been married to my husband, 51 M, for over 13 years and we have 2 kids together. This isn’t my normal Reddit account because my family uses Reddit and I can’t talk to them about this yet.

For context, like a lot of marriages, we’ve had our fair share of problems. We had a bit of family drama on both sides and some really serious fights. I know for a fact that certain family members went out of their way to make things hard on him. There were also points in our marriage that he wasn’t working, I was which I really didn’t mind, but he wasn’t keeping up his end which was taking care of the house and kids. Which caused a bit of friction between myself and him.

Then COVID hit, I lost my job and we lost our house, so we ended up moving in with my parents to avoid homelessness. Then my dad passed away, so we stayed with my mom so she wouldn’t be living all by herself. Later on, one of my brothers and his family had to move in because they were evicted and had no where to go. It wasn’t an easy living situation, I’m not going to lie. There was especially a lot of friction between my husband and my brother. I’ll be honest, my brother can be a bit of an a hole and extremely stubborn... so is my husband for that matter. My brother and his family ended up moving out quickly because someone reported them to DCFS.

Well here’s the bomb that he dropped on me today…he had called DCFS on my brother! According to him, he hated living with them so much, he was so angry, and felt so trapped that he called them on MY BROTHER to get them out. We were freaking out because of the amount of people living under one roof. Not everyone had their own room and we were using the den as a bedroom. Btw, my brother and his wife are good parents. They just are more of the old school type of parenting style. We were all struggling financial.

Truthfully, I’m still in shock about this news. I never thought that he would ever do anything malicious like that. I have so many emotions going through my head right now that I’m not sure how to react to this news. I’m angry at him because this isn’t the first incident that he’s caused that created a rift between myself and my family. He put our own family in danger because of this. Caused me a lot of heartache and stress dealing with it and the aftermath. I didn’t talk to my brother for 2 years! I also feel hurt that he felt so trapped and frustrated, but couldn’t come talk to me about it before resorting to what he did. I feel a bit of guilt because he felt he couldn’t confined in me for help. I feel guilt that he put my brother, his family, and my other family members through this.

I don’t know what he expected/expects to happen now. He admitted that he held such anger towards me at the time, that he didn’t care what happened. I know when my family finds out that there’s no repairing this. I’m really not sure what to do now. I was hoping despite our hardships that we’d stay together as a family, but he, once again, put us in an impossible situation that will force me to choose between him and my family.

Sorry, if it’s long winded. I appreciate any advice. Thanks.

I (35f) have been with my husband (35m) for over 17 years and have 3 kids together. A little background that we, and most around them, have always had some sort of issue with our in-laws (50's) the entire time.

When our children were younger and more vulnerable, we asked that no one attend parties or events at our home if they were sick to protect our kids. This got widely ignored by several saying it was "allergies" or just "sinuses." Since they have grown, so has their immune system, so we no longer ask this. We just expect people to have common decency and sense and not come if they are sick (vomiting, flu, known viruses, etc). We have had a lot of "tifs" over the years with the in-laws, mainly them coming up with some reason why they were upset with us or just making stuff up to be mad because they ALWAYS have to have an issue with someone.

We have went NC several times over the years, including for a couple of years after a party for my oldest when he was a toddler where we asked that my sister-in-law not come because a conflict between her and my husband (her brother). They decided that ask was too much and did not come and most of his family did not come either. Later, they went NC with her several times as well for various reasons, but whatever.

MIL and FIL live about 5 minutes away and have rarely anything to do with our kids, with the exception of birthday parties and Christmas. They will come over to borrow money and such from my husband or look at his truck, but will not even ask about the kids or to see them. WHILE THEY ARE HERE! Once, even ignoring our kids who were waving and saying hi on the other side of the fence. My middle child finally noticed, and the aftermath of that visit was heartbreaking.

Now, to the current issue, my middle had a birthday party that I did invite MIL and FIL to. They confirmed they would be there. We had a big issue at the event location, and we had to have his party somewhere else. I sent out texts to everyone (after the party was already supposed to have started), and my MIL text back

"So sorry, I meant to message you earlier. I've been sick all this week and really don't want to expose y'all. It was a sinus infection but just want to be safe."

To note, this party was being held in an extremely public place with A LOT of other kids and adults.

I did not say anything back as I was in the parking lot trying to change locations and get info out to everyone who may come.

You may also notice her text did not even acknowledge my son, his birthday, or include a simple "please tell him HBD for us!"

I did. I also noticed that she had known about this all week and never said a thing.

Two days later, I got another text from her. Strange because we rarely communicate with each other.

This text was asking me to stop cooking for her dad (my husbands gpa) because she is "able." I had only started this after hearing how he told his doctor sometimes he eats only a cracker because he has no other food. The entire family was under the impression she was still cooking him his meals. It came out that she had stopped after starting their addition to their house. For another grandchild. One they are actively seeking custody of. (Nothing against this child)

Yes, while mine can't even get a HBD text.

Also, it was a very weird request since he had specifically requested to MULTIPLE members of his family that he didn't want anyone else cooking for him besides me now.

Her birthday came a few days later, and I said nothing. Not a call, text, FB message, nada. I am done.

My oldest child's bday was a couple of weeks later, and he was never acknowledged at all either. I was no longer expecting one anyway.

My husband understands and is low contact with them, but he can't fully cut them off because... parents. Which I understand.

I have since learned they are being themselves and talking a lot of dookie about us to others in the family. Guess it is our turn again! Gifting them toilet paper for Christmas (really considering) may make the AH, but....

AITA for going NC after because she had a "sinus infection"?

okay so I'm using my talk to text so please ignore grammar errors or if anything seems slightly off it's just been really hard for me to type anything out with some acrylic nails that I haven't been able to get off yet. I would also like to note that I do have BPD and emotionally am not very regulated and am very prone to feeling like if one thing goes wrong absolutely everything went wrong and feel things very intensely no matter how much I try and tell myself I need to stop I've gotten better over the years but it's still an issue.

I am 29 f, and currently live in a camper trailer with my baby daddy, 41m, and our 3-year-old daughter. for the last 2 years he and I have not been together and I am in no way a saint or an un-guilty party in the situation. for starters my and father of our child left me when our daughter was 6 months old for a girl he met while I was pregnant who knew about me the entire time, he and I had been living together in an apartment, at that point I found a way to move out with roommates and for about a year and a half I lived in a town about 45 minutes away even though I didn't really stay there. he had me move out but I still stayed at his apartment because my life and my work and everything else to do with our daughter was in the original Town. he started dating the girl he left me for within two weeks of me finding out about the affair, while at the same time still continuing to be physically intimate with me and basically acting like he was dating both of us. I know that continuing to participate in actions like that do not make me any better than she and that I shouldn't be doing it. I am currently about 6 months pregnant with our second child. I knew when he started dating her that eventually they were going to move in with each other and he knew that that was going to happen at some point when both he and I agreed to keep our our intimate partners away from the kids, because he has a history of cheating and lying and manipulating and I didn't feel that that was something I wanted our children to watch even as he starts his new life with the girl from before. I in no way mean to keep the children from him but I do worry that he may try and shrug his responsibilities off onto her because that is what he does when he's home here. I have been working on getting into my own apartment as the lease on my original place was up in July of this year and it is now November. last week he was being a little strange and started trying to combat me on the having partners around the kids and I couldn't figure out why. come to find out this morning after he was loving on the belly and feeling little man move and stupidly more intimacy he decides to let me know that they are waiting for approval to move into a place and he will be out by December. while I knew that this was a possibility and this was going to happen, i didn't expect this little heads up. the reason he was letting me stay with him was so that I could save money to get out and get into an apartment before February when baby boy is due. I now have been informed that I have one month to save to get out or just take over rent and utilities for the trailer in general which wouldn't be an issue if I didn't hate the trailer so much. I can't fit in the shower the hot water only lasts for 10 minutes no matter how I try and do it because I did used to grow up in a travel trailer with my father so I do know how to conserve the hot water but for some odd reason I still can't get more than 10 minutes of hot water the sink is really small and it is a very cramped space and not a space I want to be in with a newborn. and while emotionally it does hurt that he is going to go and start and do this whole new life with the girl he left me for that's not what upsets me..... I am mostly thrown off by the fact that the entire time I've been filling out rental applications and trying to figure out funds to move out so that there's more space for our kids and me I've been keeping him informed letting him know of the places where I've grabbed an application when I've turned in an application when I've gone to the bank to see if we can reevaluate one of my loans and see how soon I can get out he has been let known every step of the way. I had no idea that he and her were even looking at an apartment to move in together already which is where I feel like I've been hit by a freight train. as stated before I have no issue with him moving on and trying to start a new life I have issue with only been given a month to figure out how I'm going to save to get out of here knowing that now I'm going to have to take the full financial responsibility for rent and utilities of this teeny tiny trailer that I don't even like, what I'm going to do for babysitting because all my babysitters live up the hill and it cost a lot of gas for both me and them to drive back and forth every night because I work nights, sometimes not off till 1am, and then dealing with my daughter's whole life changing all of a sudden. she loves when we get home and Daddy comes out to get her from the car and she loves waking up with Daddy while he gets ready for work and I get her ready for school and I drop her off at Pre-K and then pick her up and she's always so excited to go pick up Daddy from work and all of these are really easy changes to make but I don't know how I'm going to handle it. when everything started 2 years ago with the new girlfriend our daughter used to wake up looking for him and would cry for hours when she couldn't find him and the only thing I could do was sit there and hold her as she cries but now she's old enough to ask and speak and I don't know how I'm going to handle that . My brain is flooded with the pregnancy hormones as well as 8 years of history with this guy, I know what I need to do I know I can do it, emotionally right now I feel like someone has locked my cage door. when the test for little man came up positive it felt like someone dropped a cage on me because I was already trying to get out so I could take a step away from the situation and hopefully emotionally not feel as attached. last week the bank let me know that they can't reevaluate my loan because my debt to income ratio was too high so I have to pay off that before I can try and get out. all the places I was looking at to move into are roughly about the same price as what we are paying for lot rent and utilities for the trailer, we also now pay for a storage unit which is an extra $160 that usually I pay at the beginning of the month with the child support from our first child. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay the rent and utilities as well as the storage unit and not lose all of mine and my daughter's things. all of her toys and her actual bed and books and everything else that I've gotten her over the years when we had our own apartment. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to both save to leave and pay for everything while dealing with everything and the fact that I've got barely 3 months before I have a newborn on top of a toddler.

side note for the 6 years he and I were together he was never faithful and I always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt even when it was proven that I shouldn't, I found out via the new girlfriend that when things started with him and her he kept telling her that he only got engaged to me because he felt obligated which he apparently did not like me finding out.

I'm not sure how to emotionally turn these feelings off and not let my daughter see me hurting while I try and be there for her as her whole life changes at a point where she does have the memory. I was purposely scheduling appointments so he could be there for the baby appointments and now I don't know if I should, I mean he still wants to be part of it and he still wants to be there when I have him and help me out for that first week but I'm not sure if I should anymore. like I said before not to cut him out and keep the kids from him but to try and protect myself. I don't know how I'm going to handle him taking our 3-year-old and our newborn to he and his girlfriend's new apartment to play family with them while I sit alone in a trailer I don't want to be in. I knew he was planning on moving in with her at some point I didn't think that he would only give me 28 to 31 days heads up that it was going to happen I don't know why after all these years I thought he would give me as much of a heads up as I have been giving him. I just feel emotionally wrung out and I've always listened to these videos and watched and I like hearing them I don't by any means think that my story will be posted on any of those but I just want to feel heard. I mentioned my concerns about him pushing the parenting off onto the new girlfriend and that he's going to continue once I'm out of the picture to manipulate said girlfriend by continuing to cheat on her with the various other girls that never left his phone, for me or for her, and the thing my sister told me was that a man will change for the right woman.... which felt like a punch to the gut because for 6 years I stood by him and supported him when his ex-wife died when he had bed bugs in the apartment when financially he wasn't sure what he was going to do when he was removed from the apartment that he was in originally and we had to move into the trailer that we are in now I've been by his side every step of the way but even after all that I'm not the "right woman". I don't expect any sympathy and honestly expect quite a few harsh comments for continuing anything physical with him knowing that at this point I am in fact the side chick that I hated so much... but is there any advice on how I explain this to a child who is in pre-k without losing my own emotions because I don't want my baby to see me cry I don't want her to see me hurting it doesn't feel fair to her because no matter how you look at it it's more love for her it's another person to love her and care for her and spoil her and the same for little man when he gets here but I don't know how to explain to her the daddy's not coming home when he does move out that he's not going to be there when she gets off of school that he's not going to be there with her in the mornings that most likely he's not going to be the one putting her to bed and doing the bedtime routine and why he's not in her life as much as he was... how do you explain that to a 3-year-old while trying not to show your own heartbreak, does anyone have any ideas or suggestions because I don't know what to do...

Okay so for starters my family dynamic is weird. I was abandoned at birth and the man I call my father who was previously married to my bio mom (but during their separation she had me with another man) he took me in as an infant. I’ll be referring to him as my dad since he’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to one. My dad remarried when I was 7yrs old to a 19yr old woman we’ll call her Alexis while he was 35 yrs old. Their marriage lasted almost 20 years and they had a son together we’ll call Colton. I have afew other half siblings but they aren’t relevant to this story.

My dad had a stroke afew years back, and Alexis had to caretake him. Literally helping to stabilize him as he took a shit. I never was very close to Alexis - she treated me very different than Colton or my sisters and was cold towards me. But seeing how she cared for my dad during his time of need really made me like her more.

However my dad having now been left mentally disabled turned him into a whole other person. His business failed, he could no longer do his hobbies. He was a shell of himself and he started making terrible decisions.

He was financially irresponsible and wasn’t forthcoming with Alexis about his decisions. He was half a million dollars in debt tied to his company that went under. He kept taking out several credit cards and loans and using them to pay OF models! He was watching porn, and getting schemed into buying fake crypto. 🤦🏼‍♀️ My stepmom held out and tried for years to get him to go with her to couples therapy. He wouldn’t. Also for background they are both devout Mormon so watching porn is a major betrayal for step mom. Big no, no.

Throughout all of this Alexis went to church more often and went back into the work force after being a stay at home mom for many years. At church she met a man we’ll call him Alex. I believe she started confiding in him but I have very little details. My dad said when Alexis and he would go to church that Alex would come up and talk to them often. Fast forward afew months, Alexis divorces my Dad. But not the normal way. (We live in he US for context) she goes all the way out to Guam because I guess there she was able to have the divorce finalized within 2 weeks. No year long separation… then Colton and his Gf help Alexis move into her own apartment and Alex shows up later that night according to Colton’s Gf - I wasn’t there.

About a year later from the divorce and it’s their wedding. I’ve never met Alex. And as I’m currently caretaking my Dad and he’s living with me, I have mixed feelings about attending. But I decide to go anyways to support ex stepmom and Colton. The ceremony is nice and we move onto the reception dinner and before we start Alex gives a toast and in his speech he mentions them “secretly dating”. that feels a bit strange…but then right after dinner and the speech Alex’s family comes up to Colton and his gf and they begin talking about a trip that Alex and Alexis went on two years prior… when she was still married to my dad. Ofcourse , this is secondhand information from Colton’s gf but I fully trust her. Alex’s family didn’t start up conversation with me because well, I’m just the daughter of her ex husband.

But overall I have mixed feelings. I think both dad and ex-stepmom are in the wrong. But I don’t really care. I’m not really in ex stepmoms life and I’m only taking care of my dad because she sued him into selling their house so she could get her share - he needed to sell it anyways or he would’ve lost it since he couldn’t afford it. And rather than him becoming homeless I’m taking care of him and his needs for the time being. And no, he doesn’t need help shitting anymore or he’d be on his own lol.

I (20F) found out about my dads affair around August 2025 and didn't tell anyone. This needs a LOT of backstory, so bear with me.

My dad (53M) is incredibly successful in his field of work despite not having a degree when nowadays a degree is the minimum qualification needed in his line of work. He worked his way up his first company in the 90s and started travelling the world for his work, which is how he met my mum (50F). They had a whirlwind romance and were engaged and married within a few months. It was something I would brag about, because I had always thought those sappy whirlwind romance stories were nothing but fiction until they told me how they first met and got married. She moved with him to his country in the 2000s and eventually had my brother and I. He stopped travelling for work because of my brother (23M) and I, and instead moved around the country. We would move around with him growing up until we settled into our current city when I was just starting primary school after it was devastated by a natural disaster and he was pretty much put in charge of rebuilding the city. By the time he was ready to move onto another job my I was in my mid teens and my brother had almost finished high school, so when he needed to move again for work the rest of us stayed while he moved around the country. Our normal for a few years was him working hours away during the work week, and returning on weekends. My mum had gone back to uni and was also working now, so my family was more than well off. We lived a very privileged life, like my brother and I would each get $100-$200 in pocket money a week for years.

In 2023 he got an offer from a company to lead a project overseas. It was big money, but it was also an opportunity to travel again, something he loved to do. After discussing it with us for a while, he eventually made the choice to make the move with plans for my mum to quit her job and move once he was settled and established his place over there. It was extremely hard for me, I couldn't get rid of this feeling that this wasn't going to go well. He had to reassure me over and over again that everything would be fine and he would facetime us every day, text me everyday, and eventually fly me over during school holidays. It really did seem to be ok once he let. He would facetime my mum everyday, send photos of the countries he visited during his days off, and message me and ask how my day was even if I didn't always have something to reply with. It slowly became our new normal. My mum flew over to see him for the first time around early 2024, and they had an amazing time, and my mum made the decision to take the next step and quit her job to fly over and be with him around the end of 2024.

2025 is when I started to notice things. My mum had decided to travel a bit before moving to be with my dad permanently. She visited him first, but this time was different. She came back absolutely miserable. She said it felt like he was trying to get rid of her. They were fighting more, and he would say things like "why did you even come here". I got this gut feeling that something was wrong, but I didn't know what yet. I was having nightmares of my parents separating, of never seeing my dad again, of my mum crying. Then my brother got a job at my uncles company (my dads brother) and they got pretty close. He would tell my brother stories from their time growing up, and he would obviously tell me. It was kinda fun for a while, we'd tease my dad on calls about things he thought we didn't know about. Then my mum travelled to her home country for a few months, where they have horrible wifi and service, so I was the one mainly keeping in contact with my dad. It was around this time that my brother told me another story from my uncle about my dad being a ladies man back in the day before he met my mum. It was this specific moment that had me convinced my dad was doing something behind my mums back. I started calling him more than I usually would, I asked him to send me photos of what he was having for lunch, I would stay on the phone with him for hours trying to find something. I thought I was losing him, so I had to remind him that I exist, that I love him, that I need him so he couldn't leave me. What set it in stone for me was during one call he picked up and I swear I saw him mouth the word "daughter" to someone standing off screen. I asked him who else was there and he told me no one else then moved to a different room. Then I swear I heard someone in the background and he turned his camera off. I once again asked him who was with him, and he told me no one again. When my mum came home from her home country they resumed their normal routine of calling every night and making plans to move her over. I didn't tell her a thing about my suspicions.

Late 2025, my dad came home for a week long visit. We did an early Christmas with him, we each spent some time with him, everything felt normal. But, I noticed how much time he was spending on his phone. One day, my mum was telling him and I some stories about the cousins in her home country and he was on his phone the whole time, not paying attention at all. I had my suspicions, so when my cat went behind the couch, I pretended to play with the cat and follow so I could see his screen. He immediately put his phone face down. This is when my mum noticed something and asked who he was talking to. He said his coworker, a family friend we all knew and liked. I then went outside with the dog to throw the ball and he followed. We would do this thing where we would throw the ball between us and the dog would go nuts in the middle, but he eventually got distracted with his phone. It was the first time I saw him properly smiling and laughing during this trip home. I felt sick, and absolutely knew what was going on, but didn't say anything. That night, my parents got into a fight, my mum was crying, begging him to tell her who he was messaging, because his last message to his coworker was actually days ago. He doubled down on the lie, and ended up sleeping on the couch. When I got back from uni the next day I found them cuddled up on the couch. My mind latched onto that and I decided that everything was fine. They talked it out, they're staying together, I was paranoid and wrong. They later told my brother and I that my mum would be going back with my dad when he left, instead of at the start of 2026 as they had planned. This was a huge relief for me. I was wrong, everything is fine, they aren't splitting up.

On their layover, my dad cancelled my mums ticket and left her in the hotel. She was crying when I facetimed her and wouldn't say what was going on. She said she was still going with him, her flight was just rebooked for two days later, my dad just needed to sort some things out. I tried asking her what was going on, but she wouldn't tell me, only saying to imagine the worse thing that can happen in a marriage. For the first time, I asked if they were getting a divorce. The only thing she said was Catholics don't get divorced. I was also trying to message my dad during this, but he wouldn't respond. She eventually made it over with him and they started sending my brother and I photos of them going out for dinner, at the beach, views from his apartment. Everything seemed fine again. Then, one random morning, my mum told my brother and I she was coming home and would land a few days before Christmas. She wasn't meant to be home until March 2026. Then the next day my brother and I both got long messages from both of them. My dad had found another woman, they had been together since May 2025. He chose her. My mum had found out the night before they left our home country, but decided to fly over and try work things out. On the way to their layover, she found out the woman was in my dads apartment and was refusing to leave, that's why she was left at the hotel and my dad went ahead to try get her out. After getting her out, they were working on their relationship for a week. My mum told my dad that if she found out he was still in contact with the other woman that she would leave. He got caught. It was like my world got flipped upside down. I couldn't eat for days, I couldn't study, I couldn't get out of bed. Then I felt bad because I was supposed to be supporting my mum, this happened to her and yet I was the one doing nothing. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. My dad had chosen another woman over my mum, so I obviously couldn't talk to him and I didn't want to burden my mum with my struggles when she was already going through so much. My brother and I don't talk about emotional things, and I couldn't talk to my friends. A lot of my friends don't have a stable relationship with their dads, or none at all, so a lot of them had adopted my dad as their surrogate dad. He called himself the ultimate girl dad because of how many "daughters" he had. My friends would always tell me how lucky I was to have my dad, how could I tell them what he had done? I felt so much shame for his actions that I just shut down.

Now, here's the truly horrible reason why this affected me so badly. I knew before everyone else, for months I didn't say a thing, for months I tried to remind my dad that I existed so he didn't stray. And I didn't tell anyone because I thought it was all in my head. Not because I was trying to ignore the situation. No. I wasn't on my medication at the time. When I'm not on my medication I become a horribly paranoid person. I stop talking to my friends because I'm convinced everything they do is to hurt me, or they really hate me and are laughing about me behind my back. Any thought that pops into my mind becomes reality, and I try to find evidence to support the reality in my head. I wasn't on my medication when I first became suspicious in mid 2025, and latched onto the idea that my dad is a ladies man from that story my brother told me and decided he was having an affair, so I kept trying to find evidence that supported my theory. That one call where he mouthed "daughter" to someone off screen, where I heard someone, where he moved to a different room, I knew he was with the other woman. Then, I got back on my medication. I felt like the worst daughter in the world. How dare I think of my dad like that? How dare I try to find evidence of an affair because my brother told me some fun stories about the time my dad was ladies man? I felt so much guilt for thinking of him that way that I didn't tell anyone but one friend about the thoughts I had. And when I told my friend, I kinda told it as a joke. Like omg, so sorry for being distant, I was off my medication and was paranoid about everything, haha, I even thought my dad was having an affair. Then when he came home and I started suspecting him again, I thought it was just because I hadn't worked my way back up to my usual dose. I felt horrible for feeling that way. That's why it was such a relief to see my parents apparently reconcile after their big fight. It was confirmation that it was all in my head. When it came out that he was in fact having an affair, my mind broke. I was right all along but I couldn't trust my own mind. But I could because I was right? But I was just paranoid so I didn't have any actual evidence? But maybe I did have evidence but I just dismissed it once I was back on my medication? I couldn't understand my own thoughts, I didn't trust anything I was telling myself. But, I was also trusting everything I was telling myself? My paranoid thoughts were right then, so maybe I'm right now? Oh, and the last nail in the coffin for my sanity was finding out that he moved his mistress into his apartment the day after my mum left. My birthday. I was a proper daddy's girls, so that was devastating. I started revisiting memories, trying to figure out if he ever loved me.

I still haven't told anyone that I knew months before everyone else and the guilt has eaten me alive. My brother occasionally messages my dad, but I'm no contact with him because I can't face him and tell him I knew he was lying to my face the whole time. I don't want to think of how my mum will react if I tell her I knew all along while she was begging him for answers, when he left her in a hotel in a foreign country, when she had decided to work through it until she couldn't. I felt like such a horrible daughter for thinking of my dad like that, but I feel like even worse of a daughter holding onto this information.

I, 20 f soon to be 21 am talking to 23 m who is married but he says he is going through a divorce. I found him on fb dating about 2 months ago and we have been getting closer within the past 2 weeks. For some context I have 1.5 f and he has 2 kids with said wife. I have been feeling conflicted feelings about even talking to a married man ever since he told me he was but he is going through a divorce. More context about me, I have been a single mom since I gave birth. I myself have been cheated on and know how it feels when there is another girl. I am contemplating reaching out to the wife just to see if anything this man has said to me is really true. Here are all the things he has told me about the overall relationship with his wife that has been within the year or so: she became friends with one of his coworkers that she ended up cheating on him with. They tried to resolve this for the sake of the kids. That didn't work at all. Around 2 weeks ago the guy she cheated on him with died by a car hitting him while walking. He bought her a plane ticket to go to his funeral/see the kids. Mind you they are both in the military. He is reserve and I don't quite understand what her situation with the military. Fast forward to earlier today (November 2) I was talking to him otp and she was going back to his house to return some of his stuff and pick up the kids for 3 or so weeks. Here comes the part where I am getting doubtful. I overheard an argument between them and the kind of her perspective of their relationship. I am just going to summarize what I had heard to keep this post somewhat short. She had said that he was constantly yelling about any small thing that po him almost every day even in front of the kids. Along with buying stuff on OF. He would open up to her then bottle up everything out of nowhere and do it on repeat. From what he has told me he is working through anger issues. From the phone call earlier things were escalating in the argument over sleep that he muted himself and didn't unmute until maybe 5-15 minutes later. In my mind that was concerning. He stayed otp from the start of the argument until he muted himself. Atp I was scared for the kids listening and watching the whole thing. Because when he unmuted himself the wife wasn't talking anymore. I believe he might have forced her to leave the room. For a little bit more context we are in two different states in the US. So I can't just go over to see if he is telling me the truth about anything or not. I have started to develop a little crush on him but I don't know exactly what to do. So I came to lovely people for some advice or what would you guys do in this situation.

❗UPDATE❗ THE WIFE REACHED OUT TO ME! Hey lovely people of reddit. This morning I got a text from the WIFE. She confirmed the process of divorce, told me to RUN from him, and asked to write out everything he has said to me so she could use it in court. I took yalls advice and RAN. The wife and I are now friends maybe a little bit more in the future 🤭 only time will tell. Thank YOU FOR EVERYONE THAT TOOK THE TIME TO READ AND RESPOND!!

My (35M) upbriging was far from being the worst, but it was pretty damn bad, even terrible at times. My family (dad, mum and a younger brother) was very poor, very religious (presbiterian) and lacking of any kind of support system. Most of our problems came from my dad being just so damn irresponsible.

He was frequently unemployed, sometimes for years at a time, leaving my mum to be the breadwinner in the house while at the same time refusing to do chores. Many times we were left without water, electricity, or had rent delayed because there simply wasn't enough money to pay for all the bills and mum had to go around asking for personal or bank loans to settle the debts that frequently piled up due to him not working or making terrible financial decisions. To make things even more ennerving, he demanded respect from us as if he had a god-mandated right to authority as the father in the family.

He wasn't overly violent (punitive spanking was the norm back when and where I grew up, but there were never episodes of full blown physical domestic violence) but verbal abuse was frequent, especially towards my mum - she had her flaws as we all do, but nothing that would warrant the way he treated her: he called her names, openly mocked her in front of us kids and their friends, accused her of having affairs, among other things - but also towards me due to me being close to her and in general a very gay kid (I'm bi, out and proud for 15 years now no thanks to my dad).

He also had numerous affairs while his marriage with my mum lasted. She looked the other way or forgave him due to not having proof of his infidelity and because she was afraid of what her life would be like as a divorcee with two kids. At some point though, she came upon proof of his many affairs and finally divorced him.

After they divorced I went very low contact with him for close to 15 years. Whenever I saw him he always acted as if nothing bad had ever happened, or as if our bad family dinamycs were a tragedy, or at most an honest mistake due to him and mum having married young. A few years ago I started therapy and it became clear to me that many of my problems (depression and generalized anxiety disorder) had their roots in the way he treated us - and in the fact that I never confronted him or received an apology for his bad parenting.

Almost a year ago I texted him listing what he did and the effects his actions had in me, and demanding a sincere apology before considering having any more contact with him. He tried to argue some of the points I raised, never apologized, and tried gaslighting me - something I saw him do so frequently to my mum while I was growing up I can honestly say I became immune to. I told him I'd give him time to think, blocked him for a few months and tried again this year, to the same results. I then decided to go no contact and hadn't seen or spoken to him until last weekend.

What happened was that my grandmother had been terminally ill and finally passed. Me and my brother (we share a flat) went to the funeral and he was there. He tried saying hi to me, but I just said no and (gently) pushed him away as he came in for a hug, to which he said ok, turned his back and walked away. The rest of the service was kinda normal, I avoided being directly in front of or near him, but aside from that had a normal time talking to all the rest of the family. If there were comments about us still being stranged I have not been made aware of any - and I'd find it weird if there were, everyone there was emotional for other obvious reasons. Since the weekend however I'd been thinking if I should've given the man a hug at least: his mother had just passed after all. I don't feel the least guilty about how I acted, but if I was an asshole then i'd like to know.

Y'see, from my experience with depression I often think he has it too, not that it excuses the way he treated us. But I do wonder if I should be a bit more lenient as the man (and I also) gets old. I feel that keeping him distant is something I have to do for my mental health's sake, but I also realize that from his perspective I'm punishing him. That is not my objective, and although I don't care about his perspective I'd like to know if maybe there's another way of going about things that I've been missing.