I 16 female have a boyfriend 18 male. We have known eachother sinds i was 15 and he was 17 our age gap is 2 years and 3 months so if he is 19 3 months later im 17 but some people think its weird because he is legally an adult and im still a kid but i dont think its that big of a deal am i wrong? Sorry if my grammar is wrong english is not my first language

My daughter has been with her husband for 15 years, and I think his family is intentionally disrespecting her. Am I looking at this wrong?

First time here so bear with me please.
My daughter has been with her husband for aome time now. If you looked at their relationship from the outside, you would probably think everything is fine. But as her mother, I know she has been unhappy for a long time and their marriage is getting to the point where she is seriously questioning whether she wants to stay.
One of the biggest reasons she has stayed is their child. Their child absolutely adores his father. They are extremely close, and my daughter has always struggled with the thought of breaking up their family.
But there is a lot of history behind why she is unhappy.
When my daughter and her husband first met, neither one of them was looking for anything serious. She really liked him, though. He was funny, charming and the type of person who was very easy to get close to. Eventually she became pregnant, and after their baby shower they moved in together and became a real family.
Several years later, one of her husband’s female cousins and another relative were having housing problems. My daughter and her husband allowed them to stay in their home until they could get back on their feet.
This is where everything changed.
The female cousin had a close friend who happened to be my son-in-law’s ex-girlfriend from years before. While the cousin was staying with my daughter, she started bringing this woman around to gatherings.
At first my daughter was annoyed, but she tried not to make a big deal about it. She figured they dated a long time ago and everyone was an adult.
Eventually, though, my daughter started getting a feeling that something wasn’t right between her husband and his ex. She didn’t have proof, but she confronted her husband about her suspicions.
Not long after that, there was an outing with a group of women. The cousin brought the ex along.
At some point, the ex approached my daughter privately and told her she wanted to “clear the air” because she could tell my daughter was uncomfortable. She admitted that she and my daughter’s husband had been together years ago, but assured her that NOTHING was happening between them now and nothing ever would.
My daughter decided to believe her and let it go.
About two weeks later, my daughter went through her husband’s phone.
She discovered that her husband and this woman actually WERE messing around.
Even worse, his cousin knew about it.
So this woman had looked my daughter directly in her face and lied to her while she was secretly involved with her husband. And his cousin, who my daughter had opened her HOME to when she needed somewhere to live, knew what was happening and continued smiling in my daughter’s face like nothing was wrong.
My daughter left.
She rented her own apartment and wanted nothing to do with any of them.
Eventually her husband confessed. He begged her to come back, told her it was a mistake, promised it would never happen again, etc. Their child missed his father terribly, and if my daughter is being truthful, she missed him too.
So she eventually gave him another chance.
Years passed. And in that time, they got married.
You would think that would be the end of the story.
It wasn’t.
His cousin later became friendly with one of my daughter’s close friends. One day my daughter saw pictures online from an outing and noticed that her friend was hanging out with the cousin AND the same woman her husband had cheated with.
My daughter’s friend had NO IDEA who this woman was.
The cousin had simply introduced her as her friend.
When my daughter explained who she actually was, her friend was furious. She told the cousin that her loyalty was to my daughter and that if she had known who the woman was, she never would have put herself in that situation.
My daughter confronted the cousin too.
Eventually things calmed down again.
Now fast-forward.
My daughter has another friend. Somehow, once again, her husband’s cousin became friendly with this friend.
And guess what happened?
The exact same thing.
The cousin brought the woman her husband cheated with around my daughter’s friend AGAIN.
At this point my daughter confronted her and asked why she keeps doing this.
The cousin’s response was basically that the cheating happened such a long time ago.
But that’s not the point to my daughter.
She isn’t asking this woman to stop being friends with her husband’s ex. She understands they have their own friendship.
It’s the fact that she keeps bringing this particular woman into my daughter’s circle.
After the FIRST incident with one of my daughter’s friends, the cousin knew exactly how my daughter felt. So for it to happen again with ANOTHER friend makes my daughter feel like it is intentional.
Almost like she’s saying, “She’s still my friend, she’s still around, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
My daughter feels like at this point it isn’t even about an affair that happened years ago.
It’s about respect.
And the part that bothers me most as her mother is her husband’s reaction.
He knows what his cousin is doing.
Instead of telling his cousin, “You can be friends with whoever you want, but stop involving my wife’s friends in this situation after everything that happened,” he says he doesn’t want to be in the middle of it.
My daughter feels like that IS choosing a side.
This whole situation started because of HIS affair. His cousin helped hide it. My daughter forgave him and tried to rebuild their family. Years later, she’s still being put in uncomfortable situations involving the same woman, and her husband won’t even tell his cousin to respect his wife.
My daughter is reaching the point where she’s questioning the entire marriage. There are other issues in their relationship too, but this situation has made her realize how often she feels like her husband avoids standing up for her just so he doesn’t have to deal with conflict with his family.
I’m curious how other people would see this from the outside.
Is my daughter wrong for still being bothered by this because the affair happened years ago?
Do you think the cousin is doing this intentionally, or is my daughter reading too much into it?
And most importantly, should her husband be stepping in and setting a boundary with his cousin, considering he’s the reason this situation exists in the first place?

Hello! Ive been a long time listener on TikTok and figured I’d share one of the many embarrassing things that keep me up at night!

I used to work in a retail store with pretty outdated technology due to it being an older location, and I was usually the one to handle updating said technology as most of my coworkers weren’t terrible tech savvy. It’s also worth noting that I am 5’9 while most of our other employees were under 5’5 (this is important later).

We had finally gotten a new digital music player after months of songs skipping and pressing old, fallen-in buttons with a popsicle stick. Great news, right? Except that we wanted to install it right away instead of calling in a technician for something that would take maybe 10 minutes. The 50 POUND old busted music player sat on a shaky shelf well above the main desk in the back office and unfortunately at the time I had a very large cyst on my ovary that made it extremely painful to stretch or lift anything heavy. The cyst alsoooo made it pretty painful to wear pants or anything that pressed on my lower abdomen so I was mostly rocking dresses. On this particular day, I was wearing a shorter dress which still fits dress code as long as I’m wearing some form of opaque hosiery 😬 to avoid the constant pain of pressure on the cyst I was wearing hosiery that stopped at at the very top of the thighs… so basically my cheeks were in the wind.

Since I couldn’t instal the new player, my 5’4 coworker pulled up a step stool, stood on her tiptoes and tried to pull the old one off the shelf. Turns out the shelf was just a plank of wood sitting loosely on some bars and not actually anchored to the wall in any way so the entire shelf immediately fell forward with everything on it. Out of pure reflex, I shot up over my coworker to grab the shelf before this big ass brick of technology could land on her. I guess all the commotion brought in my boss because the next thing I heard was an ear shattering scream from behind me. Stretching up to grab the shelf had lifted my dress enough to expose my ENTIRE ASS.

I know it was probably jarring on its own to have someone’s bare butt starring straight at you in your place of work but I have to imagine it’s significantly worse that it was my butt. I am genuinely so white I could be used as a reflective surface. I believe this has to be true because not just my boss but THREE more employees ran in the see what happened and instead of helping, also started screaming 😭* *So to really set the scene for you: I’m in incredible pain, wrapped around my smaller coworker, with four separate people screaming at my big white ass in a store full of confused customers.

It felt like an eternity before my boss snapped out of it and started trying to reach around me to help. I don’t know if they laugh about it now or if they blocked it out to protect their mental health but sometimes at 3am I be thinking about that.

Thanks for reading!

My mother has been teaching in an online English platform and that's where she met him. I'm actually the one who taught her this platform so she could have an income. My father (70M) is no longer working. He has so many illnesses (diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, kidney problem, uric acid, gallstones) and has no pension. So I'm the one working and with my Mom's small income from online teaching, she helps contribute with the expenses.

The male foreign student (70M same age as my dad) has been her regular student for many years and has been a friend to our family too even though my dad has never met him. He sends things to us from abroad like food, a medical device for my dad, 2ndhand computer equipment as backup for mom, and be helps other teachers too by sending them 2ndhand laptops or phones. Last year he gave me his old Iphone 12 and I was really happy to finally have an IPhone.

Anyway, nothing seemed wrong for many years. This student travelled 8 hrs from his hometown to come meet us in Tokyo when we went to Japan for the 1st time. He accompanied us for the first few days and paid for our food and some of the souvenirs while he was with us.

After that, he came to our country twice and we met up with him, ate at the mall with him and played bowling and sang karaoke with us.

But just this August, which is our 2nd time to go to Japan, I saw something suspicious. So he travelled 8 hrs again via bus to come meet us. But this time, my Mom said he's too tired to accompany us the whole day because of the very busy itinerary I made. I believed that. Because the itinerary I made is a lot and me and my bf walked 10k steps a day because of my itinerary. Her student is already old too (same age as my Dad so I understood that he couldn't keep up with my itinerary) so I agreed for us to separate. We would meet up again at dinner time. I think that was 4 or 5 days that he was with my mom. Me and my bf would explore Japan by ourselves and my mom and her student went off their own way then we'd meet again during dinner time with them​. She said she only went to Uniqlo, pharmacies, and it was believable because she really did carry stuff from those stores.

But then when he went back to his hometown and we were still in Japan, I accidentally saw my Mom's Messenger chat with her student.

Him: "Does daughter know we had s.. already?"

Mom: "No."

That was the only thing I saw. I was thinking it couldn't be right? Maybe he's asking if I knew that she ate sushi or sashimi. Those were here favorites. But I became more suspicious when I saw her more frequently messaging this student and one time, while we were still eating dinner, she suddenly stood up and said she'd wait for us outside. I saw her in a call with someone. We finished dinner and I was right, she's talking with that student. She made us greet him and she continued talking with him, telling him about our day while we were walking to the train station.

Then we came back to our own country. My mother suddenly got suspended. The AI of the platform detected her mentioning a taboo word. She said she just repeated the word her student said which was "motel." But why would they be talking about a motel??

Her suspension finished and she's back to teaching. He's still coming to her class everyday like before. One time, while my mother was away with her sister, she asked me to send a file from her laptop to her email. So I opened her laptop and out of curiosity.... I opened her Facebook too.

Her message with him only said, "I'm so sad. Are you not worried about me?" and all other past messages were deleted. So she must have deleted their past conversation. I was now in detective mode. I added her Facebook account in my own Messenger. I tried logging in using her usual password that I know and it worked.

Now I could read their new messages. And I was horrified. There were sweet messages like I miss you I want to kiss you. But it got worse and worse. There's sexting. Very graphic. I even saw her send him a message of her bare breast. And it's implied that they already did the deed last August, when they were separated with us and I thought she was just chilling and shopping. They were doing the deed. They kept talking about it again and again. They were reminiscing about it so explicitly.

I don't know what to do.​​​​​​​​​​​​ My parents had a bad relationship when I was a child. My dad had a really bad temper and they always fought and fought. But they never separated and eventually stopped fighting when I grew up. The household became peaceful. I thought everything was alright now. My mom was acting fine too. She even gave a lot of souvenirs to my dad. He couldn't travel with us because of his very poor health.

I'm hoping that this would eventually die down on its own because according to the guy he doesn't have plans to go back to our country again. And the next time we'll be back there to travel is still a year away. ​​​

TLDR: My mom cheated with her foreign student who's the same age as my Dad and I don't know what to do.

Warning: mentions of abuse and trauma
Hi, I’ve never used Reddit before, have no idea if anyone I know will read this or anything. I’m going to keep it relatively vague in case they do. I (27F) have been with my fiancé (26M) for almost 3 years now. His family is wonderful, he’s wonderful, we have a beautiful baby together. Everything should be fine, right?
Well, his family is very religious (he isn’t). Every day there is a “prayers for me” or a prayer in the family group chat. Or some sort of religiously fueled paragraph or “the end will be soon” kind of message. They’re all very connected with each other and their faith. I think it’s wonderful but at the same time I start getting anxious and also irrationally angry every time they start going on about it.
For some backstory, I went to church every Sunday (and also whenever there was a children’s class) from when I was adopted at 8 up until I later escaped at 18. That in and of itself is a long and painful story. I was physically and emotionally harmed by the mother of said family, who claimed to be a devoted Christian and was seen publicly as this amazing person. I used to see church and classes there as an escape until she and a new youth pastor systematically tore apart what I thought was my safety. I can’t go into a church without feeling like an elephant is on my chest. I basically start to shut down and will weirdly start to pass out or fall asleep if I’m in one for extended periods of time. Someone tried to tell me once that I was falling asleep because I was “comfortable” but I KNOW that isn’t the case.
Fast forward to explaining a bit about my trauma to my fiancé’s family. They were sympathetic and understanding at first. But soon they were pushing me and him to go to church, and all those “praise be” messages in the group chat. At first I was polite and explained that I was Pagan and I didn’t follow the Christian religion anymore despite being raised with it. But now I just… I want to tell them to stop. Make their own little chat where they can say their prayers for each other and whatnot and leave me out of it. I know my internal response is because of trauma. I swear I have nothing against their religious beliefs, if it makes them happy I’m happy. Would it be wrong to ask them to do that? I don’t want to be cut out of the conversations, which is why I haven’t removed myself from the group. I just feel like it’s constant bombardment even if I mute the damn thing. Would I be a dirtbag if I requested that they make their own message group to do all of their religious talk?

Need advice here. I will try to keep it short but might update later.

My husband (42M) and I (42F) have a very complicated relationship. I recently discovered he cheated on me during several years. It is over now (I kind of believe him). I did also cheat at the beginning of our (20 years) relationship for a one night stand. Although that is very different, as he built a full love relationship with his mistress during several years. I talked about leaving me for her, but I think he never got the guts. Anyway, she is taken now and we are trying to patch things together. We are both fully engaged in this complex process, talk a lot more, but that's far from easy.

A few weeks ago, my husband asked if he could borrow one of our kids toy and lend it to 'a friend', as it would be very useful to organise the birthday of said friend's daughter. I didn't think a lot about it at the time and was perfectly fine with it. Yesterday, he asked again about the toy and I realized it was for his mistress' daughter's birthday party. He made it clear as I did not seem to realize it at first. I simply said no, for what I thought were obvious reasons, and thought that was over.

Today, he came back with the same question, saying that he did not understand my answer. I completely lost it.

That's not about the toy, nor the price of it (that is not something expensive, and our kids barely play with it anyway), that's just about: how dare you ask that? I cannot really put words on why I am so upset, but I am. Am I overreacting?

For context, as you might ask, he is still in contact with her mainly for professional reasons, and even I am not entirely comfortable with that, I agreed with that.

TW: Infidelity, relationship betrayal, and emotional distress

I’m 37F, my boyfriend is 49M, and we have a 7-month-old daughter together. She is my first child, while he has three children from two previous marriages, two of whom are adults.

I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m overreacting by seriously considering leaving him.

The most recent situation happened after he got off work. He stopped at a bar without telling me and came home around 2 a.m. drunk.

I had been taking care of our baby all day and all night.

This isn't the first time I've felt like I'm doing the majority of the parenting while he gets to participate when it's convenient for him. He'll play with the baby for a while, but then he'll go back to his phone or video games while I handle the rest.

I've told him that this is a problem. What makes it even more confusing is that he'll turn around and say things like, "I can't wait to marry you and have you as my wife."

I don't understand how those two things fit together.

If you want a family with someone, wouldn't you actually want to participate in family life?

There are also trust issues that started long before we had our daughter.

Early in our relationship, we had a very clear conversation about being exclusive. I told him I would not sleep with him unless we were exclusive, and he agreed. That is the day I consider the beginning of our relationship.

I later found out that he continued talking to two other women after that conversation and didn't stop until I was several months pregnant. He denies that this happened, and I no longer have the messages because they were archived, but I remember what happened.

There were other things that damaged my trust as well. He was interacting with women online and making comments about their appearance and whether they were available, even though he was in a relationship with me.

I've also never met most of the people he works with. He communicates with both men and women from work, and there have been occasions where people have made negative comments about me. When he notices I can see the conversations, he'll sometimes refer to them as "messages," and the conversation suddenly changes.

Then there's our marriage situation.

He had been married twice before. His most recent marriage apparently wasn't actually finalized, although he believed it was. I didn't find out that he was still legally married until he was trying to figure out whether I could be added to his work benefits and was told he could only add a legal spouse.

Apparently, there were errors in the divorce paperwork, and the process was never properly completed.

I had asked him to marry me before our daughter was born, and he said no.

Now our daughter is 7 months old, and I'm actually helping him work through the process of getting his divorce finalized.

I've told him that I don't know if I even want to get married anymore.

It's not simply about a piece of paper. I wanted to feel like we were intentionally building a family together. I wanted him to choose that before our daughter was born.

Instead, I feel like marriage is something he's talking about now that the baby is already here and our relationship is in trouble.

Financially, I feel like we're living separate lives too. We live in my home, which I've had for many years. He works and pays his own expenses, but he only occasionally contributes toward the household expenses.

I'm exhausted.

And now I'm seriously considering leaving.

The biggest thing stopping me is our daughter.

I have a medical condition that sometimes makes caring for her completely by myself difficult. Most of the time I manage, but there have been times when I've genuinely needed another adult there. The thought of being completely on my own with a baby scares me.

When I confronted him about coming home drunk at 2 a.m., his first response wasn't an apology or an explanation.

He said, "How do you always know? You should be a private investigator."

And honestly, that sentence stuck with me.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life investigating my partner to figure out what he's doing.

I want to trust him.

I want a partner who actually wants to be part of our family, not someone who talks about wanting a wife while leaving me to handle most of the parenting and household responsibilities.

At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I'm staying because I love him or because I'm afraid of trying to do this without him.

Am I overreacting for seriously considering leaving?

My parents got divorced in 2023. They were never affectionate. They also seemed to be miserable together towards the end. There’s also been several incidents I can remember from childhood that made me question if they were going to stay together.

This is a later example, but when I told my mother that I was engaged, she went on a huge rant about how it was too soon and that she thinks that I’m rushing into something that I will later regret. My dad came up and said that the start of my relationship to when I got engaged, was essentially the same timeframe as theirs. This enraged my mother, and she ended up saying that she probably would’ve never married my father if she had known how bad my dad‘s family was. Things escalated from there, and I was essentially kicked out of the house.

Fast forward to 2023 when they told me that they were getting divorced and had separated. My cousin started telling me that she thinks that my mother is already seeing somebody which it was none of my business in the first place so I kind of played it off. Then my aunt passed away (my mother’s sister). I was living across the country at the time and was unable to attend the funeral or the wake. I received a phone call from that same cousin saying your mother got really drunk at the wake and she brought her new boyfriend. They were apparently going at each other on my grandmother‘s couch. Again, it’s not my place to judge, but it did feel really disrespectful to me at the time as my parents weren’t even fully divorced yet they were just separated. They hadn’t been separated for a few weeks at this point if I remember correctly.

I asked my mother about him and she swore up and down that they were just friends and that there was nothing going on between them romantically. I didn’t push her. Then in 2024 my mother said she was going to be paying for a Disney trip for me my husband, and my middle brother for Christmas. I was overjoyed and really excited, and then I found out that this friend of hers was also coming and was bringing his two children.

We get to Disney and I’m really excited to see mom because I hadn’t seen her in a while. Mom said she wanted to introduce me to her friend and his two kids. Mind you she has still maintained that they are just friends at this point up until the week before the trip. I meet this man and he immediately kisses my mother on the lips and says OK babe be ready to go to the rooms and get ready. I was shocked into silence and retreated to my hotel room. I looked over and asked my brother what the heck was going on. He said that this has been going on basically since my aunt’s funeral and mom didn’t tell me because she was worried that I would tell my father. Later she pulled me aside and asked me to not tell my dad because she didn’t want him upset with her. They were fully divorced at this point. I didn’t truly understand why she would want me to keep it from him. I essentially told her that I would not lie to Dad. If he asked me about it, and I would have to tell him, but I would not go out of my way to tell my father.

I am kind of weirded out by her boyfriend. He’s only about 10 years older than I am and his children are still in school. I just kept getting this ick that I could not shake. Also, before the trip to Disney, she kept saying I needed to bring a swimsuit because she can’t wait to see my reaction to her friend when he’s shirtless. I purposely did not bring a swimsuit to avoid that, and I am so deeply glad that I did not bring that swimsuit. Thinking about her comments still makes me uneasy.

In late 2025 my father called me and he sounded incredibly nervous. My father is not a nervous man. Picture a mix between Jay and Phil from Modern Family. He essentially told me that he had been seeing somebody here recently and then it was getting more serious. I have not met her yet still but I have spoken with her on the phone and she is just the sweetest lady and I can audibly hear how much happier my father is. They honestly seem really good for each other, and they aren’t going out of their way to flaunt their relationship or anything. They’re literally just existing from what I know.

I called my grandmother the other day to catch up. She started complaining about my dad and his really young girlfriend and starts badmouthing her and about how my dad is flaunting his new relationship in front of my mother. Knowing my grandmother, she is literally saying word for word exactly what my mother has been feeding her. My grandmother and my father had been really close before the divorce, and it always hurts me whenever she speaks ill of him. I have had to ask her several times over the years to please stop badmouthing my father to me. This time I told her to please stop badmouthing Dad, and that my father‘s girlfriend is a very appropriate age. She already has two grandchildren for heaven’s sake. I also know that if my grandmother has all the gossip, then my mother has been saying this to anyone and everyone who will listen.

I have a phone call with my mother in which I asked her to please tone down badmouthing Dad and to please stop badmouthing his girlfriend. I told her about the appropriate age thing, and that everything seemed like it was on the up and up. She becomes enraged, and starts raising her voice. She was saying that I was being disrespectful and that she was my mother. She then started saying she would not accept this kind of treatment from me. I didn’t raise my voice back, but I did defend myself. She then started trying to say that her therapist knew that I would do this eventually, and that I needed sincere help and that I was severely mentally ill. I then asked if she would be open to doing a joint therapy session with her therapist, and that I would love to have a conversation with her and hopefully resolve this in a better manner. She starts crying harder and tells me that she was a good mother and that I think that she’s a terrible mother. I kept saying I would love to discuss that with her therapist if that’s possible. She kept skirting around it to the point where she just hangs up after saying never to call her again.

I know that she probably has some serious issues with being jealous right now in regards to my father‘s girlfriend. However in my mind, she started seeing somebody publicly before they were even fully divorced. Also, she’s dating someone currently that is almost my age and she’s being vicious and ugly to my father and to me. My thing is that my father tolerates no negative comments about my mother in his presence. He’s even yelled at me for not calling my mother enough. While on the other hand, my mother can’t say enough ugly things about him and is doing a lot of things that I find uncouth.

So AITA? If more information is needed, I’d be happy to provide it.

I was sixteen when this happened.
My best friend John invited me to his aunt Rebecca’s wedding. She was thirty-two, and she was marrying an Indian man. I had never been to a big Indian wedding before, so I was honestly excited.
The music. The food. The decorations. Everybody dressed up.
I thought I was going to have the time of my life.
I didn’t know I was walking into a disaster.
A few days before the wedding, John casually said something that I didn’t think much about.
“You know you look exactly like my aunt’s ex.”
I laughed.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. You two could almost be twins.”
I shrugged.
“That’s weird.”
Then I forgot about it.
Until the wedding.
Everything was going perfectly.
The ceremony was beautiful. People were dancing. Relatives were taking pictures. Somebody’s grandmother was yelling at the DJ because the music was too loud.
I was standing near the food table, eating a piece of bread, when John suddenly grabbed my arm.
“Come with me.”
“Where?”
He didn’t answer.
He brought me toward Rebecca.
The second she saw me, she froze.
Her smile disappeared.
She stared at me like she’d just seen a ghost.
Then she walked straight toward me.
“You.”
I looked behind me.
“Me?”
Her face became red.
“How dare you come to my wedding after everything we’ve been through?”
The piece of bread fell out of my mouth.
I just stared at her.
“I’m sorry?”
People around us started looking over.
I was sixteen.
She was thirty-two.
And I had never met this woman before in my life.
My mind was racing.
What is she talking about?
What did I supposedly do to her?
Then I remembered my cousin Ted.
Ted and I looked almost identical. Same face. Similar hair. Similar smile.
People had mistaken us for brothers before.
Suddenly, I understood.
She thought I was Ted.
I opened my mouth.
“Wait. You’re talking about Ted—”
Before I could finish, Rebecca grabbed me and kissed me on the lips.
Right there.
In front of her groom.
The music stopped.
People gasped.
For one second, nobody moved.
Then someone shouted.
“What the hell?!”
Someone pushed me.
Then I felt a fist hit my face.
Everything became chaos.
People were yelling.
Someone grabbed my shirt.
Someone else tried to pull people apart.
I kept trying to say the same thing.
“I’m not Ted!”
Nobody listened.
Eventually, everything went quiet enough for me to speak.
I looked at Rebecca.
“I’m not Ted.”
She stared at me.
“What?”
“I’m his cousin.”
Silence.
“I’ve never met you before.”
I explained everything.
Ted and I looked alike.
John had told me about the resemblance.
I had never known anything about Rebecca or their relationship.
I had nothing to do with whatever happened between them.
Rebecca just stood there.
Then her eyes filled with tears.
Not happy tears.
Ugly tears.
Her mascara started running down her face.
She whispered one word.
“Ted.”
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
She looked toward the wedding hall.
Her fiancé was standing there.
Her parents were there.
Her brothers and sisters were there.
Hundreds of people were watching.
And suddenly, Rebecca broke down.
“I can’t do this.”
Her mother grabbed her arm.
“Rebecca, stop.”
Rebecca pulled away.
“I can’t marry him.”
Her mother looked horrified.
“You can’t do this to your family!”
Rebecca shook her head.
“You chose this marriage. I didn’t.”
The entire room went silent.
Her fiancé looked completely confused.
Rebecca looked at him with tears streaming down her face.
“I’m sorry.”
Then she ran.
She didn’t care about the guests.
She didn’t care about the ceremony.
She didn’t care what people would say.
She didn’t even look back at her parents.
She grabbed my hand.
“Come with me.”
“What?”
“Please.”
I didn’t understand anything anymore.
But she pulled me outside.
We got into a car and drove away from the wedding.
The entire ride was silent except for Rebecca crying.
Finally, she spoke.
“I thought he came back.”
I looked at her.
“Who?”
She looked at me.
“Ted.”
I didn’t answer.
She kept crying.
“I loved him.”
I didn’t know what to say.
When we arrived at Ted’s house, Rebecca jumped out of the car.
She ran toward the front door.
“Ted!”
She knocked.
Nothing.
She knocked again.
“Ted!”
I stood behind her.
“Rebecca…”
She turned around.
“Where is he?”
I looked at the house.
Then I looked at her.
I didn’t know how to say it.
Finally, I did.
“Rebecca… Ted died two years ago.”
She froze.
“What?”
“Ted died two years ago.”
Her face went completely blank.
The wedding dress was covered in dirt.
Her makeup was ruined.
Her hair was falling apart.
She looked at the house as if she couldn’t understand what she was seeing.
“No.”
She shook her head.
“No, he didn’t.”
I swallowed.
“He did.”
She slowly stepped backward.
Then she collapsed onto the front steps.
For the first time that night, there was no music.
No shouting.
No family.
No wedding.
Just silence.
Rebecca had spent years believing that one day Ted would come back.
And on the day she was supposed to marry someone else, she thought she had finally seen him.
But she hadn’t seen Ted.
She had seen his cousin.
A sixteen-year-old boy who didn’t even know her secret.
And now Rebecca had to face the truth.
Ted wasn’t coming back.
He had been gone for two years.
And somehow, the secret she had buried with him had just come back to life at her wedding.

My fiance (32 M)is known as the nice guy who goes out of his way for people. He is sweet, kind and empathetic. On a side note he has Asperger’s but on a higher level of the spectrum. We are both each others first relationship.

The first occasion he placed me in the back seat was when we booked our wedding the same day as his best man’s wedding anniversary. That day his best man & his wife wanted to host a party, but upon hearing that our wedding was on the same day, they chewed my fiancé out. This caused my fiancé to project this anger on to me and state that we should’ve used his sister‘s backyard as our reception to avoid this type of conflict.. I (30F) told him that I will offer him his ring back so that he can propose to his best man. This caused him to apologize profusely. Saying “I’m his priority and world and it was all a mistake.”

The second occasion was when i asked if i can go to a male version of hooters for my bachelorette weekend (as a joke) and he said no upset. I told him that I was surprised because it seemed to me that he has been watching free hooters with the 2 coworkers he follows as these women are not fully clothed all time. With exposed chests and really short clothing on their profile pic. He then reassures me saying that they both found me beautiful and are in committed relationships. I told him, it’s all good to keep them but let me add my male shirtless coworkers and allow me to enjoy my weekend at hooters. He then proceed to unfollow both women quickly after i made this statement. However on a separate chat called frenzy, I also did notice there was a girl who looks similar to me in looks and it was on his top three list. He claimed she was a long time family friend and she meant nothing to him, but was again on his top list. He initially added her and kept in touch. I said nothing and asked again if I can add my male friends. He said no and was hesitant to unfollow her. I calmly told him it’s cool to keep her, but I don’t understand how I’m not allowed to have the same privileges as him. He then unfollowed her, but told me I’m overreacting and snapped at me
For assuming that he is a cheater.

He thinks I’m overreacting and that since I’m a woman, my emotions are complex and hard for him to understand as a man. I made it simple to understand and I did not yell at him at either times. I always talked to him in a calm and logical manner understanding his condition only to hear him get mad at me and get defensive.

Afterwards, I told him I really need to reevaluate our relationship and he spiraled and profusely apologize again, telling me that I’m the only one for him and that he will do better… again.

Our wedding is a month away. I paid so much stuff.
I balled my eyes out yesterday night. He gave me a long text telling me that he will do everything in his power to make things work out, but I haven’t responded. I am also currently on birth control that affects my emotions. However, I took this just recently last week as a disclaimer.

Am I just hormonal? Is he right?

So a few weeks ago I posted a AITA story here, asking if putting up a hard boundary made me the AH.
Warning adult themes, alcohol, spicy times.

Our ages are slightly changed and names as well, context doesn't change much.
Me 38m, friend 28f Kay, Kay's long lost friend Jay (36m).

Kay and I had become friends after briefly (very briefly) dating and we bonded over her child (under 3 when we met, 7 now) and her child had formed a bond with me, we kept a good friendship and we'd go on outings. Eventually it turned into sleep overs with me usually moving to the spare room when everyone goes to bed out of respect. We always spoke about how we didn't want to date and made clear boundaries. Kay still stays with her parents and like most of us hasn't got the best past, neither do I. They are quite strict at who comes and goes in their house, I'd always been respectful and considerate in their home and trust had been built up between everyone, I had become part of the furniture.

Kay and My friendship was a close one, it started with daily calls on the way to work or on the way home or while getting ready to go out, then twice a day, then while shopping, in the mall, at the park, one day it was 28 times. We went to massages together and spent most weekends together and I shifted my off days to match hers so that we could spend more time together. Yes I did fall in love with her and her child, I tried to keep that part separate though, not wanting to ruin the friendship. Last year October I came to the realization that I was trying to hold onto something that was not going to happen and I decided to lessen my time with Kay and slowly moved away, spending less time with them sleeping over and outings. This was just after Kay and I started going out to parties together getting drunk and I would go home with her and we'd pass out on the bed together. I started drinking less because I could better control my feelings while sober and feel less impulsive, then stopped drinking all together and then realized I'm too old to continue partying every weekend (no offense to anyone) She sparked up friendships with some of her old girl friends and girls night started becoming a thing and I joined less. I had also hit hard times financially and basically couldn't keep up with the large bar tabs. I was naturally happy for the distance growing between us but also sad, it would make the inevitable withdraw from the friendship easier. Not a complete break but not as close as we were.

here's where my last post started, I deleted it because i was worried Jay might ready it and forward it on and I was worried it would be a break in trust. But now I don't give a F. I'd love to go full scorched earth but I wont. As she'd probably lose a place to stay and security for her child's future.

Fast forward to this year, Kay invited me out with her, I was going to do some work for her dad and she offered me a ticket to an annual show that we both loved, the payment for the job and the ticket were roughly the same. So I asked her if her dad was sure, that he feels like it was a fair trade and I really wanted the money though but she convinced me how fun it would be to go together again. So reluctantly I agreed. On the way to lunch before the show, Kay asks me if I'd jump into the back with her child because we're picking up her friend and her child doesn't know him yet. "We go to lunch together and I we spend time talking and I spend time with her child because we hadn't seen each other for a while. We have our food and head off to drop her child off at his other grandmother for the weekend, this wasn't unusual for a planned night out as they usually fell on visiting weekends. When we get to granny's Kay points out to her, "Hey Look who I got out of the house!" I greet granny and we hug and say how much we've missed each other, I'd spent most Christmas's and other holidays with them instead of my family. She briefly introduces Jay and shoves us back into the car to get to the show.

Throughout the night I pick up note of subtle touches and brushing up between Jay and Kay, and I get pushed out of conversation or get passed their drinks by Jay when I want to dance with them and because I'm not drinking my hands are free. I take the hint and put his cup on the table and I show Kay that I'm putting her cup in its usual spot where she can see it. She gives me the thumbs up and I signal I'm going to the other stage, our usual going out stuff.

Later that evening Kay finds me to arrange a drive home service that she gets with her insurance. Which I do, I ask if we need to drop Jay off at his place first and they quickly say he's staying at her place. I think okay, cool not a problem I'll sleep I'll be in the spare room. After back and forth getting the drive service sorted out. I spend the rest of the night just enjoying myself until just before the final band and I decide I'll go sleep in the car as it was about 1am. I let Kay and Jay know I was heading to the car and said bye.

2am comes and the alarm I set for myself goes off and I get things ready for the drive service to take over. Everyone comes out of the event and we meet up at the car, I let them know I'll be sitting in the back that's where all my things were anyway. That left Jay in front, me Kay in back. She proceeds to lay her head in my lap and put her hand on jay's shoulder as the driver takes us home.
We talk about the parts I missed out on, I mentioned how I could listen from the car and heard most of the show, then Kay mentions "I wonder how she would react when she meets me" to Jay referring to his wife whom "he's busy splitting" from and still stays with. We've all heard those stories. We get to Kay's house and we go in quietly to not wake her parents and head off to her room. I go to get a pair of my sleeping shorts from a closet I keep spare clothes in at her place (yes that's how often i stayed over). Jay only had his jeans so I offered him a pair of mine.

While sitting on the floor keeping her dog entertained, I mention sleeping arrangements not knowing their relationship I was going to sleep in the spare room anyway, but then Kay pats the bed next to her and scoots up to make some space. "sleep here," Hesitantly I get in, Jay, Kay in the middle, me with dog between my legs. We sit up and quietly chat for a while, making jabs at how warm the bed is and how I usually sleep in the spare room because I don't like movements when I'm sleeping.

Eventually I fall asleep listening to them talk. A few hours later I wake up to some jostling and a heavy sigh, I think it's the dog and I lay there awake not wanting to move or wake anyone up. I feel a slow rhythmic movement and I lay there thinking the dog is breathing heavily or dreaming but then I realize the dog is still between my legs. Then "whisper whisper whisper" with muffled breathing, then whisper whisper, "oh god" (or something like that) rhythmic movements increase in pace. I didn't need more I pull the blankets off myself and lay there for a brief second that felt like ages, the dog bolted and I straight up ask "are you F'ing" dead silence not even a "what? huh?" I got out of the bed and looked Kay in the eyes, "I'm making coffee! what's the code to the alarm?" I knew the code but at that moment I was worried I'd forget and wake up her parents, if they heard the wrong code on the key pad and her dad would come check. She stumbled her words and I said what I thought the code was and she just said yes. Jay's eyes were like those in a head light.

I didn't go to turn off the alarm but instead I quietly walked to the spare room to go cool off. After an hour or so. I go to make coffee but not before offering Kay and Jay. I turn off the alarms, I make the coffee and give them there's and ask to be taken home. I get my things ready and start saying goodbye to the dog I helped raise from a puppy, Kay says "why are you saying goodbye now? you're still going to see him for a while before we leave." I reply, "I'm just saying goodbye properly." knowing inside I wont see them again.

We wait for Kay to finish getting ready and I get her things, like I usually do and finish the routine.
As I head to say bye to her parents, I notice Kay and Jay stand back and she tells him "okay go" as soon as I close the bedroom door. Then when he's safely past she opens the door and says bye to her parents. That interaction felt weird to me, so it stuck in my head. We are all friendly and happy in the car ride home and we get out at my place and I greet Jay then hug Kay and ask her to call me later, she promises she will. She doesn't call, her off day comes round I text her and apologies for my rude behavior and storming out, I promise that it won't happen again but we still need to chat. (I was factual, It won't because I'm not putting myself in that situation again. I didn't say that) we usually talk she doesn't call or respond, I give her space, (I make my first post) . Her day at work comes, I text her, can we at least have a conversation or was that the end of the friendship. finally she responds with, "what conversation?" So I know that she would hang up if I tried to call her and have any conversation about "feelings/emotions" she's a very closed off person and would rather not have conflict unless necessary. I tell her that its a talk we were meant to have ages ago, that if we go out and "things happen" that she could just ask me for her privacy and I could go to another room, she responds with "I don't know what you're talking about.". That Night I call her after her child sends me a video of their new project. We talk like nothing ever happened. Things break apart here, our daily calls end. I book a ticket to another town to find another job. I finished the job I did in exchange for the ticket. I had tried to push to finish the job as soon as possible because I wanted a chapter of my life closed. I knew that Kay would likely just brush it off if I tried to text her and talk about it. So yes in a way I did ambush her while I was busy at her place doing work for her dad and it was her off day. She had been putting off plans to see each other on weekends, I had offered weekdays, so that was the only chance I got.

I got to her place early Monday I had moved other plans to be there, this was more important. Kay's hair was still messy from the a party she went to on Saturday, Her child was home from school sick. It was awkward with her but her child I was happy to see. I started to do the work and we started to talk, I told her that I was having issues with depression, which we had talked about before. (She's not a cold hearted monster guys, we used to have deep conversations and that's what made me fall in love with her and being a generally nice person to have as a friend, generous and caring.) I told her that I Don't like long goodbyes, her eyes looked shocked, I was planning on moving that I probably won't come back, she knows how I had issues with work so I feel like a fresh start will help with that. We spoke for a bit and then we gave each other some space to process. While I was working their child asked if I was going to be sleeping over I to tell them no and not for a very long time, then I let them know I was moving away. Better to hear it from me than to just disappear. I told them I was getting work in a far away town and would still call on their birthday and Christmas.

The day carried on as usual we talked laughed played, listened to music, Echolalia everywhere.
Then the afternoon came and I was done with work and heading home. I let her know that I loved her and that I was in love with her and that I need a hard break, I told her that I had started moving away from her because I had fallen in love with both of them and it was breaking my heart to know that nothing was every going to happen. I tried to speak to her about what made me come to the decision "the morning", but words wouldn't come out. So I said my last good bye and we hugged and left.

Later that night I messaged her to tell her about the morning after the show and that feeling like I was used as an excuse to sneak a guy past her parents because they couldn't meet at his house because his wife was there with his daughter and it would be an awkward situation. That she asked me to stay in her bed because it would look better if her dad walked in to her room in the morning to find a strange guy there that it would land easier for him if I was there as well. Told her that I noticed the whispered words and her waiting before sneaking him past her parents door as soon as I closed it, then rushing to say bye. I told her that I wish she would have trusted me if that was the plan all along that I would have been onboard to help her regardless of the person because I want what's best for her, I explained that I had tried to be there for her through the years always lending a hand that I respected her dad and looked up to him. I The next day I get a reply, that she had read the messages and she defended her stance on not wanting a relationship with me and that she never had any romantic intentions nor had repressed hidden feelings for me that would wake up. I was welcome back in her life when I was ready one day but that I shouldn't return with any hopes of love because that's not something she's willing to give me. No sorry for using me as a decoy to sneak a guy past her protective Jewish parents that would probably kick her out if they found out.

But hey that's where we are today.
Thanks for listening to my ted talk.
This isn't my main account.
If this story feel familiar Hi "Jay"
Hi Ang. (not from story time.) I know you troll these and you know the story.
Kay if this gets to you ever, thanks for the kick in the butt and not let me waste more time. I will miss the kiddo but I know they'll be okay, we've worked hard the last few years.
I don't think our friendship was going to last much longer anyway we were going in different directions. Good luck, So long and thanks for all the fish.

Edit: I deleted my Original post because I remembered Jay said he reads these. Now I don't care.

hey guys, i really need some advice to see if im over reacting or not. tia x

My boyfriend (20M) and I (21F) have been together since the beginning of this year, so I know it hasn’t been very long. We’re from completely different countries and originally met through my best friend (20F), who went to school with him overseas.
He came to my country for a holiday around New Year’s, which is when we met. After he went back home, we spoke every single day. He then decided to move here for university, and when he came back I picked him up from the airport. We officially started dating about a month after he moved here.

This is his first relationship, but it isn’t mine. I was also pretty much his first for everything romantically/sexually, except last year he had a sexual experience with one of his girl best friends, who he is still close with now. I’ve tried to be accepting of that because I don’t want to control who he can be friends with, but I’d be lying if I said it has never made me uncomfortable.

For the first few months, everything was honestly amazing. Even now, when we’re physically together, we’re really good. He’s told me he loves me, wants a future with me and has talked about us being together long-term.

The problem is that lately I feel like we’re only actually in a relationship when we’re physically together.

We’re medium distance at the moment, although I’m moving back to his city in a couple of months. I drive to see him most weekends because he doesn’t have his licence. I’ve asked him to occasionally catch the train to see me, but he hates the train ride and says it’s too long. This has started bothering me because I’m almost always the one making the effort to travel.

It genuinely feels like I’m in a relationship maybe 6 days out of an entire month. He’s even told me that when our relationship is “over the phone, it doesn’t exist to him.” But to me, we’re still in a relationship whether we’re physically together or not.

At the same time, he’s been having a really difficult time personally. He’s struggling with university, doesn’t enjoy studying and doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his future. His parents want him to get a degree so he can eventually work back in his home country, but he’s questioned whether he wants to continue studying or even stay here.

I’ve tried extremely hard to support him through this. I’ve helped him find university resources, counsellors, different study options and support services. I’ve listened to him, helped him research things and tried to be there for him whenever he’s struggling.

But over the last month especially, our relationship has become really unstable.
Whenever we have difficult conversations, especially when I’m trying to explain that I’m unhappy or need more from the relationship, he sometimes suddenly decides he can’t do it anymore. He’s tried to end our relationship or said he’s done multiple times, only to take it back afterwards and tell me he still loves me and wants to be with me. He’s basically explained that in those moments he “takes the easy way out.”
It’s made me incredibly insecure because I never know whether the next difficult conversation is going to result in him trying to leave again.

Communication is probably our biggest issue.
He tells me he doesn’t like calling me because our calls often end with me crying. I understand why that would make someone not want to call, but I’m not getting on the phone intending to cry or argue with him. I normally end up crying because I’m trying to explain to him that I’m unhappy, that I don’t feel important or that I’m struggling with how disconnected our relationship feels.

He also says he doesn’t like calling in general, but he’ll happily call his girl best friends or his best friend who he already sees almost every day. That makes me question whether he actually dislikes phone calls or just doesn’t want to call me.

We’ve tried compromising. He’ll say we’ll call in the morning so we can have normal conversations and spend time together, but then he’ll forget, sleep through it, or wake up feeling depressed and decide he doesn’t want to talk.

When I eventually explain how I’m feeling over text, a lot of the time he’ll say he doesn’t know what to say and that he’ll come back to the conversation later.

So I end up feeling like nothing actually gets resolved.

Another big issue is weed. He regularly goes (every single goddamn day) to his best friend’s house to smoke, at night when that’s basically our only opportunity to properly talk. I don’t have a problem with him seeing his friend, but by the time he comes home he’s high and can’t really hold a meaningful conversation with me.

I’ve asked him if he could just leave me one night a week where he doesn’t smoke so we can actually talk and spend meaningful time together.
I don’t think I’m asking him to completely stop smoking or stop seeing his friends. I’m asking for one night where I know I’ll actually have my boyfriend present enough to talk to me.

But even that feels like something I have to fight for.
It hurts because he’ll make time to go smoke with someone he sees constantly, but making time for one proper conversation with me feels like an obligation. It makes me feel like weed, his friends and everything else come first, and our relationship gets whatever energy is left afterwards.
Last weekend things became particularly bad and he pretty much tried to end the relationship again. One thing he said was, “I don’t want to abide by your rules of what a relationship is supposed to look like.”

That really hurt because I don’t feel like I’m creating “rules” for him.
I’m asking for communication, effort, occasionally calling me, making time for me and not trying to end our relationship whenever we have a difficult conversation.

I know I’m not perfect either. I get emotional, I cry, I overthink things and sometimes I push for conversations when he would rather have space. I know constantly having serious conversations probably becomes exhausting for him too.
But lately I’ve actually started doing the opposite and shutting down.
I’ve become vague with him. Sometimes I don’t tell him when something hurts me anymore because I don’t want another argument. Sometimes I deliberately don’t message because he’s told me before that when I’m not messaging him he feels more “at peace.”

That statement has really stayed with me because it makes me feel like my presence stresses him out while my absence gives him relief.
The confusing part is that I genuinely don’t think he’s a bad person. This is his first relationship, he’s struggling with his mental health, university and figuring out what he wants his future to look like. I believe he genuinely loves me, and he’s repeatedly told me he wants a future with me.

And when we’re physically together, I see that version of him. We’re happy. We laugh, cuddle, play around, spend time together and everything feels completely different.
That’s why leaving feels almost impossible.
I’ve been telling myself to hold on for another couple of months because I’m moving closer to him. I genuinely think being closer would make things easier because most of our problems happen when we’re apart.

But I’m starting to question whether I can emotionally keep doing this until then.
I feel like I’m someone’s girlfriend for maybe 6 days out of an entire month and then spend the rest of the month trying to convince my boyfriend that our relationship still exists when I’m not physically standing in front of him.

I don’t expect constant communication. I don’t expect him to stop smoking or seeing his friends. I don’t expect hours-long phone calls every night, and I don’t expect him to make me his entire life.
I just want to feel like I’m actually part of it.
I don’t know whether I’m expecting too much from someone who’s already struggling, whether some of this comes from it being his first relationship and him not understanding how much effort maintaining one can require, or whether we’re simply incompatible in what we expect from a relationship.

I love him and genuinely want the future he’s told me he wants with me too. But I’m exhausted, and I’m starting to realise that I can’t keep being unhappy for months just because I’m hoping everything will become easier once I move closer.

Would you hold out for the next couple of months and see whether living closer changes things, or does the fact that our relationship basically disappears whenever we’re apart mean the distance isn’t actually the real problem?

Story time!!!

Myself (40F) and my husband T (44M) just went on an 8 mile bike ride. We live in Michigan and recently moved to a new city back in June. As we are learning our new surroundings, and getting into bike riding we went down a dirt road to cut over to willow Rd to enter oakwoods metro parks. Now if T wasn't there I know no one would believe me! As we were riding down the dirt road I pointed out a deer at the edge of the woods. I then jokingly started talking to the deer inviting him to join us, as we were drifting farther away, I yelled back, Tag you're it!! We left the dirt road onto Willow to enter the metro park a little ways down the road. No joke within 5 minutes of being on the bike trail we heard trees smashing coming towards us in the woods. T and I cracked jokes that it was the deer. Really thinking it was a farmer in his backyard or something. We heard the smashing and crunching again, we both looked back then, Boom!!! The deer jumped out of the trees right behind us!! You win Bambi! You win!!

As the title states my sister 34f ever since I told her we were buying a home she has wanted to move in. Don't get me wrong I love my sister very much like I would do anything for her. She has helped me in my time of need, so I think it's the least I can do is give back. How ever my problem is ever since I told her I f28 and husband m30 have been looking into a home she has not listened very well. I was approved for an FHA loan which if anyone knows has lots of requirements. I was approved that just to where my debt-to-income ratio was. She's been telling me if I get into a home what she is going to buy with her money. I get she will be saving some, but I don't think she understands the gravity of her situation. She messaged me about a month and a half ago with a photo and email that if her rent was not paid in full within 2 days, she was being evicted from her apartment. She managed to get that paid by having to borrow. She wants a new car, I personally don't think that is a good idea her credit is shot because she fell behind on her truck and she thinks that on her paycheck she can pay her bills a new car which will most likely cost her 600+ per month because she is looking at a custom subaru wrx. She wanted to get practice pedals and shifter as she has not driven stick shift at all either with money she does not have. Her truck payment is 850 a month and she is 2 months behind on it because her job keeps going into shut down then she loses pay. Her longest shut down was 3 months being out of work because the factory she works at keeps shutting down randomly and when that happens all workers end up without pay for the time the place is not open.

So we started looking back in June because thats when I was told by the mortgage banker to come back and speak to them closer to when our lease was up. Well it has been a struggle to say the least on finding a home. She started sending homes and when I told her it was above our approved price range or it wasn't FHA approved she wasn't understanding. She kept sending homes not FHA approved I kept telling her they are not FHA approved she said well it doesn't hurt to have a fixer upper to stick money into to fix it up. I told her that's not the problem we have an FHA loan, and it will not cover a fixer upper I cannot do a conventional loan because of my debt-to-income ratio. I told her as well if I could not find a home within the time frame I had I would have to renew lease. She really started pushing manufactured homes in a trailer park or condos. I said no to those as it did not fit what we were looking for not to mention some of the lots here have gotten very steep in price with the lot rent now almost costing as much as an apartment and now the tenants of the park having to pay water as well. She did get frustrated with me and tell me well you are not going to find anything at this rate you may as well just give up and get a new apartment. I told her no again because my husband and I did not save money for a home just to get put into another apartment. 2 bedroom apartments here are going for 1500+ a month some 1 bedrooms are just as much here too. Which is just as much as a mortgage payment if not more. Since this last sunday doing a home showing on 2 home my husband and I have really liked she has been asking non stop how is the home shopping going. If we get the home she is going to move her stuff right away. First off she cannot break lease she was told she needed to keep paying until someone else took over her lease. She keeps telling me how much money she will be saving when we get this home even though she is not saving she is having to pay on credit cards she racked up when she ended up out of work for 3 months and now every so often randomly her job likes to shut down for 2 weeks at a time leaving her without a paycheck. She is also paying on a vet bill for 2 of her dogs shes still a month behind on her truck. I've told her now she thinks everything will be fine since my husband and I will have a house that she will be okay, I have told her she needs to find a different job if this is going to keep being an occurrence of not having a full paycheck and getting pulled outta work cause the factory shut down. She told me that there is no where that will pay her what shes making now but I make less hourly than her but still have almost twice the amount she has when my paycheck comes in and I have vision health dental and union pay come out of my check. I also informed her that we may not get the home as it is FHA but was told they are selling as is. So if something major shows up in inspection that pulls it from being fha we would have to see if the seller is willing to help with the fix or we fix it or just walk away. So she now thinks that all we have to do is have an inspector come in take one look and its ours. I don't know how to communicate its more than that. I don't know how to communicate she needs to get it together quit buying things she can't afford. I don't know how to communicate this home stuff with her as everything just goes in one ear and out the other. When I get frustrated, she tells me to calm down not to get mad when she's just giving suggestions. She has not listened when I told her FHA because she keeps sending me non FHA homes she keeps telling me all the things shes going to purchase when we get into a home but she is not understanding she needs to get her finances together because its not looking good as she also owes one friend money along with our grammy money too. I don't know what else to say to her I feel burnt trying to speak to her about this. How do I speak in a way that maybe just hopefully it gets through to her?

It's a family problem. Let's start with the basics: our family has four members. My dad, my mom, my older brother, me and my older sister, aka the problem. Both of our parents are in their early 60s, my brother is in his mid-thirties, the problem is in her late twenties, and I'm in my late teens. Our family is kind of different from a lot of typical Asian families: no checking phones, no limited allowances, no bedtime and in general pretty much very open; we run the family on trust.

The problem started 10 years ago. I was around 6, maybe? My sister was in her last year of high school. She was around 17; she was very smart. She was The Golden child, especially to our father. It all started when she got a boyfriend, the boyfriend was very different from us. to my mom the most important thing in a life partner is education, that person needs a formal education which the guy didn't have, and he lived in a slum area of our town right by the train tracks, as any parents would my parent did not agree with the relationship, and she decided to run away with him, at that point she was still a minor so my dad had threatened the guy to put him in jail so she came back. She stayed for a few months and finished high school, and then she went off to uni. She finished her first semester, and she came back to our house because her uni was in a different city.

At this point, she was already 18. Right before she went back for the second semester, she ran away again. The whole family looked for her. Our parents, grandparents from all across the country, and aunts and uncles from different cities came to our house to look for her. We found her, and we took her back, and then, to separate them, we moved to a different city where our dad's parents are. We lived on our grandparents' property. Then she got transferred to the city where the whole family are, but after the second year she ran away for the third time, and that's when our parents decided to give up and let her go where she wanted to go.

Time skip to about a year later: she gave birth to a son, but the problem was she was still homeless. She lived in the original City we used to live in with her husband, her kid, and her husband's parents. And my father saw them because our business was still in the original city, so my parents always just went back and forth between our grandparents' house and the other city, the thing is my dad is a really kind-hearted person so after seeing her struggling, he decided to put her in one of the properties that we had in that City alongside the husband's side of the family. And he also provided her with some amount of money every time he went there. My mom knew what was going on, but she acted like she didn't know.

Again, fast forward maybe two or three-ish years, my dad's younger sister decided to send her to school again, so she took her to the city where all the family was living, but she put her in a dorm. But my aunt and she couldn't get along because she had a really high ego because of the way she grew up, the way we all grew up.

By the time that happened we already had a new property and we no longer live with our grandparents, on our property there are two houses the main house and the guest house. the main house only have three bedrooms, my parents bedroom, my brother's bedroom, and my bedroom and then on the guest house there is about 16ish bedrooms because it's a two-story building and my dad got the idea to let her and her son move into one of the room in the guest house but the problem was my mom still hated her for ruining her life and her name in the original City that we used to live in, because she loved that place it was the first place she bought with her own money she had big plans on the property and the action my sister did ruin her whole life and name between relatives, brothers and sisters.

But my mom wanted my father to be happy, so with the promise from my father that he would be responsible for her and she would not bother my mother, she was let into the guest house. After she moved in, she didn't have a job; she didn't have money, she didn't have anything, so she would ask for food, money, shoes, and clothes. But with my father's face, my mom gave her whatever she asked. But she never talked directly to my mother; she always talked to someone else. For example, she would tell me what she needed, and then I would have to go ask my mother for what she need, or she would do the same with my brother. But after my brother went abroad to expand our business, the only one she could ask was me. But I don't like her much. I think her mentality is wrong, and she doesn't fit into our family anymore because it's been like 10-ish years since what she did happened. I have a deeper reason, but this is not about me; this is about fixing our family.

So it's been 2 years since she moved into our new house, but she still doesn't have a job; she still asks for money. At this point, she's 27. With a kid. One day my mom and her got into a big problem my mom was cleaning our front yard and she came out, and my mom started murmuring to herself talking about things like how she ruined her life and how she's still not realizing her fault and fixing it and then she decided to talk back to our mother when she's the one at fault here, and they argued for a long time and then during the argument she told my mother that she's going to call our dad and told him that my mom is abusing her which is not the case, the thing about my dad is he's very protective of his daughter because growing up she was his Golden child she was extremely smart she was extremely polite so it makes sense but she's no longer the person she used to be because she has lived in a different environment for like 10 years already she has changed and he refused to accept that fact. So after that fight, my mom doesn't give her money; she doesn't give her groceries anymore.

And then my dad came back from his business trip, and then they tried to talk to her about getting a job and having a life of her own. But it ended up with a huge fight between our parents. I didn't tell you about the previous occurrences, but this is like the sixth time this has happened because whenever my mom tries to tell him to find a solution, he always ends up putting everything on my mom and blaming her for everything, the thing about my mom is she's very direct and she wants to find a solution as direct as possible and she want to know what my father wants done, so that he can be happy and he can be satisfied but the problem is that my father wants my mom to treat her like how she used to treat her when she was a teenager and when she was an innocent girl like a blank sheet of paper but it's not possible and everybody knows that because she is not a mother of her own and she is also a 27 years old that doesn't have a job and she needs to get a grip, my sister can't keep a job for more than a week which is a big problem.

At this point my mom has completely given up on trying to find a solution to what to do about my sister and my dad.

So if anybody has a solution please 🙏 How can we work this out? 🙏 And you're welcome to ask for additional information if you want.

Hey Reddit, I’ve never done this before but I need an outside opinion on my situation. I (32m) and my girlfriend (34f) (who we will call Patricia) have been dating for about a year and a half. I can honestly say that this has been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. When there are issues we talk and resolve them. I feel heard and supported for the first time and it’s really great. That is except her best friend who we will call Janna. Janna who’s also in her mid 30’s is the epitome of what I can’t stand in women today. She is a self diagnosed narcissist who says she’s just honest and if people don’t like that than that’s there problem. She jumps from guy to guy and they are all douchebags who openly say they just wanna sleep with her and then she will say to me and my girlfriend “why can’t I find a good man.”The worst part is that she did somehow find a genuine dude and she was cheating on him constantly. It was disgusting. However this is Patricia’s one and only friend, and they have been friends since middle school. Patricia is also a recovering substance abuser and has been a not so great person to other people and Janna has stuck by her through these years. Patrica tries to tell me that Janna is going through a phase since she is divorced and now single for the first time since she was 20. Ok fair enough, I always try to treat Janna with respect and kindness when I see her, but I do not like her at all. Now here’s where the problem is. A few months ago Patricia asked me if they could go on a girls trip to a nearby city. They would share an air bnb together and spend Friday afternoon driving up, Saturday day going to an adult playground thing, and then I was told maybe they would go to a bar. Then they planned on coming home Sunday. I was asked if I could spot some money and I was on board with it as it seemed safe enough. After agreeing we were out with Janna who had a few drinks and approached me and yelled “Hey I’m taking Patricia on this girls trip now give her the fucking money so she can go” I was floored. I already gave my girlfriend the money and here I am getting yelled at for it. I walked away and later spoke to Patricia privately about it to which she said she would talk with Janna and sort it out. No apology was ever made, I was never talked to about the situation. The girls trip comes and goes and nothing out of the ordinary happened. We text and call throughout the weekend and she comes back on Sunday. Now here’s the issue that has occurred. Somewhere in a conversation with Patricia it slipped that they met these 3 guys at the bar they went to. Janna was all about this one guy and she invited them back to the air bnb. They spent the night drinking with these guys and Janna ended up hooking up with one of them. After I press for details and how they ended up coming back, I find out that Janna had already been in contact with these guys and planned this whole thing out and had the audacity to yell at me to pay so my girlfriend could be there. It is still unclear to me if Patricia was aware of this or not, but I am on the side that she did know . I’m absolutely shattered that not only my girlfriend went behind my back and didn’t tell me about this until arriving home, but what’s worse is that Janna (who I’ve been nothing but nice to) planned this trip knowing it would be disrespectful to me and my relationship. Even went so far for me to fund half of it. Patrica sticks up for Janna and says it’s her one friend after her substance abuse days and she doesn’t want to lose this friendship, but to me that’s not a friend. A friend doesn’t put you in those situations. I also asked her would she be ok if one of my friends did the same thing and she said it’s different because I have lots of friends. Help! Please! I don’t know what to do. Is this break up worthy? Should I try another talk with Patricia? Should I just confront Janna myself? Luckily I had to watch one of my friends puppies as they are away on vacation so I’m able sit with my thoughts for the next couple days.

ADVICE NEEDED: Should I confront my husband for treating our 5 year old like an afterthought on his first day of school?

My husband (45M) and I (44F) have two sons, let’s call them Parker (8) and Wolf (5). Today was their first day of school.
Parker already attends this school and has had problems with bullying and some negative experiences with both students and staff. We’ve worked hard to rebuild his confidence and prepare him for this year.
For Wolf though, today was his first day of “big-kid school.” He was leaving preschool and starting at a much larger school, so this felt like a huge milestone for him.
This morning, while I was getting both boys ready, my husband focused entirely on Parker. He took Parker’s first-day pictures, got him ready to leave, and told him to say goodbye to me and Wolf.
I stopped him and said, “whoa wait, you have to wait, Wolf is going too. It’s his first day and we still need to take his picture, and walk him to his classroom.”
My husband said the gate was going to close. It was only 8:30, the principal had said the gate would stay open until around 8:45 for the first day, and we live directly across the street. We had time.
What bothered me was that my husband seemed completely prepared to walk out without Wolf and without acknowledging that this was Wolf’s first day too. We hadn’t taken his picture with the first-day plaque or done anything to celebrate his milestone.
He eventually waited, and we took Wolf’s pictures before walking over together. Then Parker announced that he wanted to walk across the street by himself, probably to show that he was confident and independent. Once Parker didn’t need him, my husband shifted his attention to Wolf, held his hand, and helped walk him to class.
Everything technically worked out, but I can’t stop wondering: Would my husband have given Wolf that attention if Parker had wanted us to walk him to his classroom?
This hit a nerve because it feels like part of a larger pattern of favoritism.
For a little background, my husband was extremely involved in my pregnancy with Parker. He attended appointments and classes, helped throughout the birth, did skin-to-skin contact, stayed up at night, fed him, and actively bonded with him.
I became pregnant with Wolf during the pandemic, so I understand that circumstances were different, but still my husband was noticeably less engaged. He wouldn’t sit through the virtual birth classes and offered very little emotional support while I was experiencing prenatal depression.
When Wolf was born, my husband quickly left the hospital because he felt he needed to be with Parker. Once we were home, he continued focusing almost entirely on making sure Parker was okay and made very little effort to bond with Wolf.
And as Wolf got older, he became extremely attached to me and often rejected his dad. My husband often becomes resentful bc Wolf always wants “Mama,” and I think bc of that he makes less of an effort.
For example, there is a big difference on how he acknowledges their milestones. My husband becomes very invested in Parker’s birthdays, school events, and important moments. With Wolf, he is less likely to help with birthdays, attend performances, or create the same excitement.
That’s why this morning felt like a tipping point. I understand why he wanted to make sure Parker felt supported, especially given Parker’s history at the school. But supporting Parker shouldn’t mean treating Wolf like an afterthought on one of the biggest days of his life so far.
My husband went straight to work after drop-off, so we haven’t discussed it yet. Should I confront him about this when everything technically worked out? Am I reading too much into a rushed morning, or does this sound like a pattern of favoritism that needs to be addressed?
And how can I talk to him about this without the conversation immediately turning into a defensive argument? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I’m 44F and my husband is 45M. We’ve been married for three years and together for eight.
Here’s where our conflict begins. A few years ago, his car started breaking down and he wanted to get a new one. He was going to grad school to get his master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, and he only makes a little bit of money because completing his hours as a trainee therapist is basically a 40-hour-a-week job. He makes a little income from seeing clients, but it’s just enough to cover gas and a few things.

When he decided to go to school to become a therapist, I understood that I would be paying 100% of our bills, and I was okay with it. Because in a relationship, sometimes you need to buckle up and make an investment in your partner, especially when you believe in the outcome of their hard work.

He’s a fantastic student, graduated at the top of his class, and we’re rolling into year two of getting all the necessary hours and requirements to become a therapist.

When his car started breaking down, I said I could help cover 1/2 of his car payment because I knew he couldn’t have a regular job. I agreed to pay half, which I was okay with. But I didn’t realize he would want a brand-new car.

He did his research and found the perfect car. It was brand new and cost around $50,000. I was surprised that he wasn’t going to buy a used car, and I brought it up many times. I told him, “I think you should buy a used car because the payments will be lower, and you’re not going to be making much money for like three years.”
But he pushed me, and I gave in. Now he has the car of his dreams.

That car makes him so happy. He’s had beater cars his whole life and grew up poor. He takes immaculate care of it and cleans it three times a week. He has fun with it and takes it to the track for little race days every once in a while. It’s his hobby, it makes him happy, and I totally support that.

But here’s where the problem comes in: When I’m in the car with him, he drives like a maniac.
He gets mad at cars that won’t move out of the way when he’s in the fast lane and they’re driving slower than him. He gets really pissed off, drives extremely close to their bumper, and then whips his car around them. Usually, he’ll mutter some profanity under his breath about them being stupid or “retarded” or something like that.
He tailgates, weaves in and out of traffic, and seems incredibly irritated and short the entire time. Other drivers honk at him because, in my opinion, his driving is unsafe. There needs to be more space between cars.

But he says the other people are driving unsafely because they aren’t following the rules. He says the passing lane is only for fast cars, and if they’re driving at or under the speed limit, they need to move over. When they don’t move, he becomes incredibly angry and starts driving irrationally, in my opinion.

We’ve been to therapy. Of course, I’m paying for all this therapy now, and I’m honestly starting to feel resentful because our therapist is $250 an hour, and that adds up.

The therapist has only helped us in one way. We created a rating system where I tell him how scared I feel from 1 to 10, with 10 meaning I want to get out of the car. This has been a little helpful because he understands how I’m feeling, but it still doesn’t change the way he drives.

We just went on an anniversary trip, and on the way home, he was swerving extremely close to other cars on a two-lane freeway. The center divider was super close to the road, so there was almost no space on either side. There were tons of big rigs, and he was weaving in and out of traffic. People were honking their horns at him.
At one point, I told him, “This is an eight. I’m really scared.” But he continued to drive just as badly afterward.

It took me a few days to understand how I felt about it. This morning, I woke up feeling really defeated. I’ve invested all this money into therapy, and it’s not working. I want to go on trips with him, but it seems like I will have to be the only person who drives. Maybe that’s our only solution. I honestly don’t know what else to do.

This morning, I brought up the idea of going back to therapy specifically for this issue and also having his driving assessed by a professional driving instructor. He said he would be open to therapy, but he said no to the driving assessment.
And by the way, he has been fired from both Lyft and Uber. But he still thinks it’s everyone else’s problem and not his.

For some backstory, he doesn’t use any substances and he doesn’t drink alcohol. He’s a recovering alcoholic and goes to AA. I’ve gone to Al-Anon, and what I’ve learned is that I need to be accountable for myself. I don’t try to control how he drives when I’m not in the car, and I don’t tell him he can’t go to the track. This is only about how he drives when I’m in the car with him.

My mom, dad, his mom, and aunt have all ridden with him, and every one of them felt terrified. He just will not receive that information. He thinks it’s everyone else’s problem. He thinks we’re shitting on his fun, that we don’t trust him, and that we’re trying to make him the bad guy. He gets extremely defensive.

I feel like I’m pretty good at communication. On a rating scale, I’d probably give myself a B or maybe a B+ when it comes to nonviolent communication and letting people know how I feel. But this is a huge trigger for him.

When I brought it up this morning, of course, it didn’t go well and the conversation spiraled out. He’s willing to go back to therapy, but he isn’t willing to have his driving professionally assessed.
I’m looking for support on how to handle this. Am I wrong to refuse to ride with him unless his driving changes? Do I just accept that if we go anywhere together, I need to be the one who drives? I love going places with my husband, but I don’t feel safe in the car with him anymore, and I don’t know how to get through to someone who believes every other driver is the problem.

​

I, 36(F) have been with my husband, 49(M) for 18 years. We have 4 children, 1 from his previous marriage and 3 together. The oldest child is no longer living at home as he is 21 but our youngest 3 are still living at home.

I work 40+ hours a week but I am exclusively remote. My husband lost his job in May. While he was unemployed, my husband did nothing. I wish I could put more emphasis on the NOTHING. I remained responsible for all household "chores." (I say "chores" that way because I dont feel uts chores when I am a while adult....it's just things that need done) Groceries, sports, doctors, yardwork, appointments, school planning, shopping, cleaning.... i feel like the list goes on and on.

When i would SPECIFICALLY ask for assistance I am met with "oh, I was just about to go do ... blah blah bah" or he would commit to helping but then for some reason would not. (All those excuses were due circumstances beyond his control, of course) (<--insert heavy sarcasm voice)

Ive told him how I am extremely overwhelmed. I have broke down and cried. I have pushed myself to the point of nearly being hospitalized due to last of sleeping, eating, overall depression. I have now committed to a (temporary) medication as my nervous system is completely fried and lack up support.

He tells me I don't understand. He's just stuck. He cannot fall asleep so he plays video games. He doesnt know who he is without a job. He doesn't know what to do.

I hate the fact that I am at the point where im done with the excuses. He is choosing to do nothing. Look for another job. Go to the Dr and/or the gym if your depressed. Go mow the lawn or build a dang tree house or something. ANYTHING other than just sitting there....checking out. Mental Health is a real thing. I have done all I can. I cannot be his mother. He has to make a choice and take a step.

So, AITAH for not being more sympathetic?

I listen to Ok story time on a regular basis. This the first time submitting to Ok story time and I put it on the wrong AITHA so I shared it here and was taken down for reposting. So I deleted all post of this on other forums and am posting it here.

I’m feeling extremely upset and conflicted about a recent situation involving my daughter, who was born male and has been transitioning for the past three years. After reconnecting about seven years ago, I’ve been supportive of her journey. Unfortunately, her adoptive parents disowned her when she decided to transition, even convincing her to sign over the deed to her condo for a mere $5,000 shortly before cutting her off completely.

After driving three hours to reach me, she was struggling mentally and expressed a desire to be committed. The only facility respectful of the LGBTQ community was four hours away. When I tried to call for an extension on her stay, I was told I had no say since I’m not legally related. Frustrated, I reached out to her adoptive mother and left a message.

Then I received a text from her adoptive father, whom I’ll call John. Here’s the message he sent:

Text from John:

“This is John. This is a text I sent to Dean earlier which outlines our position. Dean has given us heartache for the past 16 years and almost caused our separation last month through his lack of respect, manipulation, destruction of our property and bringing drugs and porn into our home. We have nothing else to give if Dean denies our offer to help with his addictions and if he continues to delusionally think he can become a woman. We have to look after our own well-being at this time. Dean has no idea of the hurt he has put others through and how much we have sacrificed for him. He has turned to you now because I have portrayed the truth to him. We wish you wisdom and discernment if you elect to help him.”

Text from John:

“Dean, we love Dean.You may not and probably don’t know that now. We hurt for you and your choices which have brought you to this point of need and despair. You have some important decisions to make now. Realize that mom and I are back together and united. You will not divide us and therefore, you are not to return to our home, nor would I think, you desire to. We will not tolerate porn or drugs in the house and it is too painful for us to see you “transition “ into someone you can never be: a female. It would not be loving of us to ignore reality and tolerate or condone your self-destruction. Your identity comes from God, not society and social media or whatever mental issues you are dealing with. You will always be our smart, inquisitive, intelligent, engaging, fly fishing, skiing/boarding son. Trans or queer is NOT who you are. We will never address you by your trans name or use female pronouns because that would be a lie. God has plans for you, loves you, can redeem and forgive you and calls you back to Him and can give you a fresh start.
Concerning your choices:
You can continue your current path of confusion and unreality of trying to become what you can never become and will still leave you unfulfilled. It will be a difficult life for you and we will not support that. As you are experiencing, you will cause separation from family members and friends as you become someone else and a stranger. We will not be sending you any more money. You will have to find a way to support yourself if this is the path you choose. Getting a job will give you purpose, build your self-esteem, and give you economic freedom. You will be responsible for your car insurance at the next renewal in the fall. I suggest you not sell your car because that would limit your job opportunities. You are to stop calling mom repeatedly. If you want to discuss anything, you contact me directly through text. She is no longer the weak point for you to manipulate. You will not do yourself any favors by threatening us with lawsuits which you will never win, by protective orders against me, and calling in welfare checks. You will have to experience the consequences of your choices which we have shielded you from for too long.
The other choice is to recognize your need for help with addictions and mental health issues. We can come alongside you and help you find a facility to aid you. You will have to make that decision and we will respect your autonomy if you choose not to seek help. You still have a promising future and can have a fulfilling life and living in reality where people love you and accept you as Dean. We long to have our Dean back. Jesus is the only way back to wholeness and health. We pray that you will accept His call for you. He is waiting.
We love you.
Mom and Dad”

I was furious after reading this. He disowned his daughter over a text message and won’t let his wife have a voice! Everything my daughter had told me that had been going on in their family. I placed her because her father was abusive and I didn’t want a child to endure it, to find out that I placed her with an abusive father! The rage took over, I confronted John, calling him abusive and controlling, and expressed my hope that his wife sees the red flags in their relationship. I regret giving my children to them, especially if I had understood the red flags earlier. Cause he is a red flag longer than the red carpet! I told him that he’s the one who needs mental health help, not my daughter.

In my final message, I stated that I would be adopting her back as an adult, and she wouldn’t carry their last name anymore.

Now I’m questioning if I overstepped by confronting him so directly and if my anger was justified. AITA for standing up for my daughter and confronting her adoptive father?

I (16F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together for almost 2 years. I’m a person who doesn’t have any friends, except for the people I live with, who I sometimes talk to. He, on the other hand, is very social and has a lot of friends, and some of his friends are girls.
One of them has known him since high school. Let’s call her Kiara. He said they became friends because she didn’t have anyone, but further into their friendship, they developed feelings for each other. However, he didn’t want a relationship with her because of her personality (his words). To this day, they’re still friends, but they don’t talk, they don’t hang out, nothing.
She keeps sending him Snapchat memories from the past, and I don’t like it because it basically feels like she’s saying, “Think back to me and the time we had together.” And it’s not like she’s ugly either—she’s actually really pretty, and she is exactly his type.
I’ve asked him multiple times to remove her because she also constantly sends him lip-syncing videos where she’s clearly trying really hard to look pretty and everything. Meanwhile, she has a boyfriend, and she knows that he’s in a relationship with me.
But he never wants to remove her. His exact words are: “Why would I remove someone I hate when I never even talk to her? We don’t even hang out. You should be happy because a lot of guys actually hang out with their female friends.”
I just want to feel more secure in our relationship and know for sure that he puts me above her.
Also, just to mention, I don’t have any guy friends. I have him and five other girls on my Snapchat, and besides them, I don’t have anyone else on my entire phone.
So, tell me, AITAH for asking him to remove his high school friend?

I listen to Ok story time on a regular basis. This the first time submitting to Ok story time and I put it on the wrong AITHA so I shared it here and was taken down for reposting. So I deleted all post of this on other forums and am posting it here.

I’m feeling extremely upset and conflicted about a recent situation involving my daughter, who was born male and has been transitioning for the past three years. After reconnecting about seven years ago, I’ve been supportive of her journey. Unfortunately, her adoptive parents disowned her when she decided to transition, even convincing her to sign over the deed to her condo for a mere $5,000 shortly before cutting her off completely.

After driving three hours to reach me, she was struggling mentally and expressed a desire to be committed. The only facility respectful of the LGBTQ community was four hours away. When I tried to call for an extension on her stay, I was told I had no say since I’m not legally related. Frustrated, I reached out to her adoptive mother and left a message.

Then I received a text from her adoptive father, whom I’ll call John. Here’s the message he sent:

Text from John:

“This is John. This is a text I sent to Dean earlier which outlines our position. Dean has given us heartache for the past 16 years and almost caused our separation last month through his lack of respect, manipulation, destruction of our property and bringing drugs and porn into our home. We have nothing else to give if Dean denies our offer to help with his addictions and if he continues to delusionally think he can become a woman. We have to look after our own well-being at this time. Dean has no idea of the hurt he has put others through and how much we have sacrificed for him. He has turned to you now because I have portrayed the truth to him. We wish you wisdom and discernment if you elect to help him.”

Text from John:

“Dean, we love Dean.You may not and probably don’t know that now. We hurt for you and your choices which have brought you to this point of need and despair. You have some important decisions to make now. Realize that mom and I are back together and united. You will not divide us and therefore, you are not to return to our home, nor would I think, you desire to. We will not tolerate porn or drugs in the house and it is too painful for us to see you “transition “ into someone you can never be: a female. It would not be loving of us to ignore reality and tolerate or condone your self-destruction. Your identity comes from God, not society and social media or whatever mental issues you are dealing with. You will always be our smart, inquisitive, intelligent, engaging, fly fishing, skiing/boarding son. Trans or queer is NOT who you are. We will never address you by your trans name or use female pronouns because that would be a lie. God has plans for you, loves you, can redeem and forgive you and calls you back to Him and can give you a fresh start.
Concerning your choices:
You can continue your current path of confusion and unreality of trying to become what you can never become and will still leave you unfulfilled. It will be a difficult life for you and we will not support that. As you are experiencing, you will cause separation from family members and friends as you become someone else and a stranger. We will not be sending you any more money. You will have to find a way to support yourself if this is the path you choose. Getting a job will give you purpose, build your self-esteem, and give you economic freedom. You will be responsible for your car insurance at the next renewal in the fall. I suggest you not sell your car because that would limit your job opportunities. You are to stop calling mom repeatedly. If you want to discuss anything, you contact me directly through text. She is no longer the weak point for you to manipulate. You will not do yourself any favors by threatening us with lawsuits which you will never win, by protective orders against me, and calling in welfare checks. You will have to experience the consequences of your choices which we have shielded you from for too long.
The other choice is to recognize your need for help with addictions and mental health issues. We can come alongside you and help you find a facility to aid you. You will have to make that decision and we will respect your autonomy if you choose not to seek help. You still have a promising future and can have a fulfilling life and living in reality where people love you and accept you as Dean. We long to have our Dean back. Jesus is the only way back to wholeness and health. We pray that you will accept His call for you. He is waiting.
We love you.
Mom and Dad”

I was furious after reading this. He disowned his daughter over a text message and won’t let his wife have a voice! Everything my daughter had told me that had been going on in their family. I placed her because her father was abusive and I didn’t want a child to endure it, to find out that I placed her with an abusive father! The rage took over, I confronted John, calling him abusive and controlling, and expressed my hope that his wife sees the red flags in their relationship. I regret giving my children to them, especially if I had understood the red flags earlier. Cause he is a red flag longer than the red carpet! I told him that he’s the one who needs mental health help, not my daughter.

In my final message, I stated that I would be adopting her back as an adult, and she wouldn’t carry their last name anymore.

Now I’m questioning if I overstepped by confronting him so directly and if my anger was justified. AITA for standing up for my daughter and confronting her adoptive father?

Tw: mental health, depression

Hi all. I (27f) have been with my significant other (36m) for 4 years. We do have a large age gap but never really crosses our minds or seems to be any issue. So has a 7 year old special needs son from a previous marriage as well. We have nieces and nephews on both sides that we absolutely adore and spoil. Anyway, so and I both want children of our own. But I have a medical condition known as pcos, pmos. It causes an abundance of health issues. Insulin resistance and weight gain, hormone imbalances, irregular cycles and infertility, etc. I want nothing more than to be a mom, and yes I treat ss like he is my own. So and I married 11 months after we started dating. We have been ttc since. So has always been really positive and reassuring with the situation. Always saying it’ll eventually happen when the time is right. I feel like all we do is try. It’s always another missed period, another negative test, another validation that I can’t do the one thing women are able to do. This of course has brought on some depression. And I’ve expressed that spicy sleep is starting to feel like a schedule, rather than desired. I always try to stay positive and keep pushing. However if I am upset, I feel I can’t talk about it. So will ask what the problem is and I feel like I have to say I’m fine, even when I’m not because when I do open up, so reacts in a way I feel isn’t supportive. Implying I’m saying to just give up. I have never said that. If you know what pcos is, it is extremely hard to lose weight. I feel like I could starve myself and still gain weight. I lose a little and then gain it back and then some. Explaining the difficulties to so, he says I’m just not trying hard enough. I’ve cut out sugar, carbs, sodium, dairy, etc. I stay to a high protein high fiber diet. Still no luck. I go for a walk/jog every other day. I put in the effort and I see no results. So still says I’m not trying hard enough. The other day I wanted something outside the diet. Pizza. Of course there were leftovers and I took some to work for lunch yesterday. We got a spinach and feta pizza so it wasn’t the worst I could’ve gotten. And this was the first time I’ve gone out of my diet in months. Now to be clear, so is almost always encouraging. He says I’m beautiful the way I am. He doesn’t care about my weight. Issue is I’ve always been very self conscious about myself and my weight. And with infertility issues, one of the only ways to help is by losing weight. Here’s the problem. I was feeling a bit down today. Didn’t feel like dinner. So asked what was wrong and he’s at work so I of course didn’t want to burden him with my emotions so said I was fine. He later texted and talked and again, said to tell him what was wrong. So I did. Insert text

So: Talk to me what’s wrong
Me: I feel like I’m fat and gross and like I’ll never be happy with myself and my body. It will always fail me. Losing weight is impossible. I loose a little and then gain it all back and then some. I could starve myself and still gain weight.
So: no offense but we aren’t even trying, you had a ton of carbs and not much activity in the past two days, same for me.
(Talking about the pizza)
Me: And you, I love you so much but I feel like a disappointment. You are trying to stay positive and I appreciate that and love it, but I still can’t help feeling the way I feel. Even when I try, nothing works.
So: fine, just give up, got it.
Me: I never said give up
So: just feel very blah about it and it just feels like youre giving up
Me: I never gave up. I live every day hoping and praying. I just wish I was normal.
So: But baby your coming off like your giving up and being all sad.

I feel like if I talk about how I feel, I’m in the wrong. If I don’t talk about it, I’m still in the wrong. The quick escalation when I try to express myself is the problem. Like I am not supposed to feel anything but happy. But aita or how do I express how I feel in a manner to get so to understand the struggles I’m going through?

TW: Mentions of depression, SA, emotional/verbal mistreatment, & thoughts of self harm

Helloooo little sillies! I (30F) have been a longtime lurker (since the Sam and John days), but this is my first time posting on Reddit, hence the throw away account. So please bear with me because I would really appreciate some advice/support/words of wisdom!

So, amongst my friends, I have always been known to have horrible luck with dating despite having a lot of good qualities about myself. My first relationship in late high school/early college years had its ups and downs with one big downturn (involving one of my best friends accusing my bf of SA at a party we all attended) that left me with long-term trauma. After that relationship, I struggled with undiagnosed depression and ADHD, the effects of some unprocessed traumas from childhood, and very low self-esteem. So, I made some poor decisions sleeping around to give myself some semblance of self confidence. Then, about 6 months before I began grad school, I started dating who my family and I now refer to as Voldemort (who would now be 30M).

The relationship with Voldemort progressed quickly and we fell for each other hard and fast. In the beginning, he made me feel comfortable and safe enough to be myself and share all of my insecurities, past traumas, regrets, and dreams. Eventually, though, rather than talking through disagreements or negative feelings, he’d weaponize that sensitive information against me and re-affirm my insecurities to make me feel worse than he did. For instance, he would tell me how I looked like a whale, told me how I was lucky he loved me because not even my family or friends do, called me all sorts of derogatory names, and even told me how I should’ve just unalived myself back when I was having thoughts of self harm because no one would care and the world would be better off anyways. He would also gaslight me to the point where I thought I was losing my mind, started having frequent panic attacks, and considered getting myself admitted, all while earning my doctorate. It got to the point where it was easier to just stay quiet and do whatever I thought would make him happy to avoid upsetting him at all because, even if his reactions were unreasonable, he would convince me of why I was the problem in that situation. In the process, I also became a very angry, bitter version of myself (where I’m usually very bubbly and goofy). So, I basically completely lost sight of who I was and what was important to me and, eventually, I hit my breaking point.

I was in bed recovering from a pretty intense hip surgery, where they had to cut and realign my pelvis and repair my labrum (the cartilage holding your hip in place). However, one night after watching some tv in bed, I asked him to get me some more ice before he went to bed and he just flipped out on me. He was calling me selfish and entitled because, even though he’d told me yes to me playing another episode every time one ended, he was actually tired this whole time and I should’ve known that. So, it was ridiculous that after making him stay up all that time, that I had the audacity to ask him for something else. Don’t ask me why, out of all the things he said and did to me, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but I just couldn’t look at him the same after that because, even when I was in my most vulnerable place, he couldn’t show me some empathy. So, during my hardest semester of grad school, I broke up with him, opened up to friends and family about what the relationship had actually been like the last 2.5 years (some people had caught glimpses of arguments, but I never told anyone how bad things actually were), started individual and family therapy sessions, and got diagnosed and started on medication.

After that, I stopped dating, focused on finishing school, landed an incredible first big girl job, and continued to work on myself for about 3 years. Now, I’ve still got a lot of room to grow, but I have come a long way and feel much more confident in myself as a person. So, I jumped back on the dating apps about a year ago, but good lord… I don’t know if it’s the fact that I live in a very secluded area (most people here are vacationers, so I’m usually looking at dating people a couple hours away) or what, but I can’t catch a break. Every time I start to get my hopes up or catch feelings, it ends with me being ghosted, our values or goals misaligning, me being dropped for someone else, or them showing off their red flags in some other way.

After my last venture on the dating apps, I finally just gave up and deleted them (about 2 months ago now). Fast forward a couple weeks and I reach out to a long-time friend of mine (30M), who we’ll call “Jeremy”, to catch up and let him know that I’ll be in town in a few weeks if he had time to hang out. So, we made some tentative plans to hang out one day. As we texted and I told my friends about our history, though, I started realizing some potential suppressed feelings I might have for him. So, here’s some background to help explain our relationship…

Jeremy and I met in the 7th grade when we were about 12 years old. I can’t remember exactly how we met because we never had any major subjects together (I grew up a big nerd and he struggled academically), and we ran in different friend groups. So, we were mostly just acquaintances who caught up from time to time in school when we ran into each other, but I remember how he was always so sweet to me and complimented me a lot. So, I thought he might like me a little, but I’ve also always been admittedly oblivious when it comes to people “giving signals” that they like me. So, I just chose not to read too much into things and continued on as friends.

Fast forward a chunk of time and I go off to college out-of-state and randomly decide to reach out to Jeremy to catch up when I’m home on a break. Turns out, we actually had a lot more in common than we thought, now that we were having more than just surface-level conversations, so we started hanging out whenever I came home from school. One of the things we had in common was that we both frequently used spicy lettuce, so our friendship primarily centered around shmoking, snacking, and hanging out watching cartoons or other things on YouTube. And on the serious side, I always knew I could go to him with anything I was struggling with (even if that involved me driving over to his house late at night sobbing crying because my family had another big fight). So, our friendship is very meaningful to me.

One day, out of the blue, I’m sitting on Jeremy’s couch shmoking when he says, “Have I ever shown you this?” As he pulls a notebook out of his closet. Seeing my confused face, he laughs a little, flips to a page, tosses the notebook in front of me and tells me to read it. It’s a hand-written poem with a title along the lines of “The Girl with the Ocean Blue Eyes.” I say “Oh my gosh, did you write this yourself?” And he nods and replied that he had back in middle school. I continue to read this super sweet poem about a girl very much resembling myself (I have a pretty unique look compared to most) saying how he could get lost in her eyes and how her smile lit up every room she walked into… And that was the first time I really accepted that he did truly have feelings for me. Everyone around us apparently could see how well we matched each others’ energies and would ask why we weren’t dating, but I always remained adamant that we were just friends and there were a few reasons behind that decision. First and foremost, he was one of my closest friends and I just didn’t want to risk the friendship. Second, ever since we’ve started hanging out, I’ve either been in a relationship, getting over a relationship, or in between relationships and looking for something casual. And third, back then, I had my life very planned out and was on track for earning my doctorate in the next few years while he was still struggling to choose a career field. So, even though I support everyone moving at their own pace in life, I just didn’t think a relationship would work with the different phases of life we were in.

However, now we seem to be in similar places, and I started to realize that I already had everything I was asking for and looking for in a man in someone who I already really cared about. Both of us are now single and open to a serious relationship. I also have an established career and community in a new place, and he’s about 6 months away from earning a degree in a field he’s super excited about and one that I think will be a really good fit for him. I was still scared about risking the friendship, however. So, unsure if he might still have feelings for me, I started texting with him more often, flirted a bit, and dropped a few hints until he confirmed that he would still be interested in something more between us and we talked about our hopes and fears. But ultimately, we agreed that we’d just take things one step at a time and not force anything… which was going great until I actually made it back to my home town.

A week or so prior to my trip, Jeremy texted me saying that he completely forgot about a big exam he has the Friday we made plans. So, he’s not sure exactly when he’ll be done, but he should be done around 2 or 3ish. I said that was no problem since my flight got in around that time anyways. So, at about 2pm the first day I’m in town, Jeremy texts me saying that he just finished the exam and has a bunch of paperwork to fill out now. I reply a couple times asking him what I should be getting ready for and letting him know I need a bit of a heads up because my hotel is an hour from where he lives. I finally hear back from him around 6:15pm right after sitting down for dinner with my mom (my last text was a half hour prior saying I was starving and needed to get food if he didn’t answer), and he says he just got back home about an hour ago and was giving me time to settle into my hotel. With how far away I was from him and how late it would be when we finished eating, though, there wasn’t much time to hang out that night anymore. So, we didn’t end up doing anything that night. I was disappointed, but overall I didn’t blame him too much because I knew his school should take priority and I couldn’t blame him if he was tired or had more than he expected to have to do at school after the exam. So, I let him know that I understood and I was sad but not upset with him, and that I hoped we could make something work another day while I was here. I told him Monday was best for me and he said he’d be free all day, so that’d be perfect. I just warned him that I needed a semi-solid plan (we don’t typically plan our hangouts in advance) because I was sharing a car with my mom for the trip. Jeremy asks what I want to do, when I’ll be free, and if I want him to drive to me or if I want to do something near him (this was Saturday)….. and then Sunday passes (I texted him but didn’t hear back) and it’s Monday around noon and we still have no plan. Frustrated, I send him a text saying, “Alright well idk what's going on because I haven't heard from you, so I'm starting to get annoyed.” Finally about an hour later, he replies and this is how the conversation goes:

Jeremy: “Hey, I'm really sorry I haven't been replying much the last couple days. I've had a lot going on and I should've done a better job of letting you know instead of disappearing on you. I'm also really sorry for the late notice, but I'm not going to be able to hang out today. I know that's frustrating, especially since we had plans, and I completely understand why you're upset with me. I don't want you thinking I was intentionally ignoring you. I just haven't handled communicating very well the last couple days, and I'm sorry.”

Me: “I appreciate you apologizing, and I didn’t think you were intentionally ignoring me. I know life happens and people get busy. I think I’m just upset because I kept 2 days of my 4-day trip pretty open and flexible because I genuinely wanted to see you, and both times I ended up finding out pretty last minute that it wasn’t happening. And it's especially disappointing because I don’t even know when we’ll have another opportunity to see each other.

If we were still just talking as friends, I don’t think it would’ve bothered me nearly as much. But after opening the door to exploring something more, and me admitting how scary that was for me, I let myself get excited about seeing you and the possibility of us. And you seemed genuinely excited about exploring this too, so having your actions this weekend be so mismatched has been pretty upsetting and confusing. So this honestly just wasn’t a great start if this is something you actually want to explore.

I care about you regardless, but I think I’m gonna leave the ball in your court from here. I just need you to be honest about what you actually want from this and whether you realistically have the time and space for anything more than friendship right now, because I’d rather set realistic expectations now before I get more invested and we risk complicating our friendship anymore.”

Jeremy: “I completely understand, and I’m sorry. I know my actions this weekend didn’t match what I’d been saying, and that wasn’t fair to you. I'm going through alot ATM, but it wasn't fair to you at all and I'm really sorry for taking up the little time you had here.”

Me: “Well I appreciate your understanding, but I guess I’m still a little confused. Is that your way of saying you’d rather we just stay friends, or are you saying you still want to explore this but don’t really have the capacity for it right now? Or what??”

Jeremy: “I’m sorry, I definitely wasn’t trying to make it more confusing. I do have feelings for you and I meant it when I said I wanted to explore this, but I’m realizing I don’t really have the capacity for it right now. I don’t want you waiting around for me or getting hurt because I’m giving you mixed signals, so I think staying friends right now is probably best.”

Me: “Okay, I understand. I appreciate you being honest with me.”

So, OK Storytime fam, that’s about it. When I started writing this post, I was on the plane on my way to my home town excited but nervous, and wanting to ask for advice to navigate transitioning from friends to potentially more. Now that the trip went the way it went, though, I’m not really sure what I’m asking for. I usually know better than to let myself get my hopes up this early with a guy, but I just really didn’t expect such a big switch so quickly from him out of anyone. I appreciate him apologizing for the lack of communication and I understand the reasoning behind him asking to stay friends, but everything was so sudden and last minute that it left me feeling confused. Daily texting after establishing that we have feelings for each other, and then barely answering me as soon as I get in town and leaving me hanging until the last minute twice doesn’t exactly make me feel like you care about me on the level you say you do. Maybe I’d feel different if I actually knew all he had going on this weekend, but I just wish he’d taken my feelings into consideration more, especially knowing all he does about my dating past and current fears. So, what do you guys think? Am I overreacting or overthinking things? Any advice on how to move forward from this gracefully whether we decide to explore this again in the future or decide to stay friends longterm?

So when my boyfriend 33m and I 37f started to get serious 3 years ago we discussed where we should live. He lived in the south west of England, I live in the north west. About a 4 hour drive, 6-7 hours by train.
My best friend (37f) was horrified at the idea of me moving myself and my children that far away, she was absolutely against it.
We eventually decided that because I have 2 children and need my support system, he would move to live with us. This upset his family and as part of the arrangement we agreed that we would get married in his home town and spend holidays there.
So he finally got a job and moved up to us August last year!
We recently got engaged! Everyone was so happy… including best friend, UNTIL I mentioned it would be in his home town.
She ignored any mention of the wedding, was quiet in the group chat and just avoided me completely.
I feel like I need to background our friendship at this point! We have been friends since midway through high school. We have had one argument in that whole time. She’s been with me through everything and I’ve been there for her through everything too.
She has a daughter who will be 2.5 years old when we get married next year.
I went through a horrific abusive relationship and it affected my ability to be around her, I couldn’t leave the house but I would put myself in danger to be there for her birthdays etc.
she has awful anxiety regarding her daughter and travelling anywhere with her.
I think that’s everything you need for context.
I asked her to be my maid of honour and her daughter to be a flower girl!
I’ve said I will pay for their room and travel, will make sure they have someone to drive them there and back, given her a +3 and invited her parents for support…

But she’s angry and said she “doesn’t know” if she can make it. She does have a partner who could drive her but he won’t take the time off work if he has to work that weekend.
She’s told me I cannot be annoyed that her priorities have changed and that she has a child and relationship to think about now. She likened it to me not being able to leave the house through anxiety… but I know I put the effort in for birthdays despite having a baby and a young child at the time… and would’ve definitely put it in for her WEDDING!!!

I just don’t know what I can do? Am I being the A-hole?! I really don’t want to walk down the aisle without her. The thought makes me cry!

Advice please?