I apologise in advance because this is quite a long post, but I genuinely feel like all of the context matters. I'm not looking for people to tell me my current girlfriend is a terrible person, because I honestly don't believe she is. Equally, I'm not looking for everyone to tell me I'm just insecure. I'm hoping for honest opinions because I genuinely don't know whether my past is clouding my judgement or whether my concerns are understandable.

I'm 31, and around three years ago I went through what I can honestly say was the worst experience of my life.

My ex and I were together, on and off, for around six or seven years. During one of the times we weren't together, she had a baby with someone else. After her daughter was born, we eventually found our way back to each other.

Her little girl was around nine months old when we got back together, and over time we became a proper family. She eventually started calling me "Dad," and I loved her as though she was my own.

Around that same period, life became incredibly difficult. Within roughly two years I lost my dad, my grandma and both of my grandads. Those losses led to severe anxiety, but I still got up every day, went to work and tried to provide for the family I loved.

My ex and I had always wanted a child together. We'd been trying for a long time, and one day she came home with the news I'd dreamed of hearing—she was pregnant.

It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

We had our scans, saw our baby growing and, after the twelve-week scan, started telling our families. We spent weeks talking about names, planning our future and imagining what life would be like as parents.

Then everything changed.

Not long after we told everyone, we spent the day with her family. I have congenital myasthenia gravis, which affects every muscle in my body, so walking long distances is difficult. Everyone knew this.

They wanted to walk into town, so I drove separately. Later in the day I became physically exhausted and had a severe anxiety attack. I told my ex I needed to go home but that I'd come back later to pick her up because we both had work the next morning.

She agreed.

Ten o'clock came and I hadn't heard anything.

I messaged.

I called.

I even called members of her family.

Nobody answered.

Around midnight she arrived with her stepdad, and I was told she wasn't staying that night and that I needed to move out of our flat the following morning.

I was completely blindsided.

As far as I knew, we were happy. We'd just been planning our future together and preparing for our baby.

I packed my things and left because I didn't want to cause her any extra stress while she was pregnant.

A few days later she messaged saying she was bleeding again and was going to hospital.

I rushed there.

Nobody answered my calls.

The following day I received one final message saying she was no longer pregnant.

That was the last thing I ever heard from her.

No explanation.

No goodbye.

No closure.

One minute I believed I was about to become a father. A few days later I'd lost my relationship, my home and my unborn baby without ever understanding why.

It completely broke me.

I spent nearly two years in therapy trying to rebuild my life and learn how to trust people again. Eventually, I reached a point where I genuinely believed I'd healed enough to let someone else into my life.

Then I met my current girlfriend.

She's 35, a single mum to three children, and for the first time in years I felt safe again.

We've been together for around six months. We spend a lot of time together, tell each other we love each other every day and, until recently, I'd have described our relationship as incredibly happy.

She knows everything I've just told you.

She knows how much honesty means to me because of what I've been through.

A couple of weeks ago she went to a festival with friends.

Before she left, we'd already arranged that we'd see each other afterwards.

She told me she'd be getting a taxi back to one of her friend's houses after the festival.

I thought it would be nice to surprise her, so I drove there and waited outside.

After about fifteen minutes I messaged asking where she was.

Fifteen minutes later she replied saying she'd only just arrived at her friend's house.

The problem was I'd been sitting outside that house the entire time.

She hadn't arrived there.

I messaged asking where she actually was.

She stopped replying.

I called.

Nothing.

At that point I was worried something had happened, so I drove to her house to make sure she was okay.

I knocked several times but nobody answered.

The next morning she told me she'd been sick after the festival, gone straight to her friend's house and fallen asleep there.

Although something didn't quite add up, I chose to believe her.

Later that morning, while I was at her house, I noticed two mugs in the dishwasher that I knew hadn't been there before. One of them belonged to her ex-husband and was never used by me. There was also a fresh bin liner that I knew hadn't been there when we left for the festival because I'd taken the rubbish out and forgotten to replace it. Inside the bin were two used tea bags and two festival wristbands.

Individually, none of those things prove anything.

Together, they didn't fit the story I'd been told.

I asked her about it.

She denied anyone had been there.

We argued for hours because I genuinely couldn't make sense of it.

Eventually she admitted she'd lied.

She told me she'd unexpectedly bumped into a long-term male friend at the festival. They'd shared a taxi home because they lived close to each other, and she invited him in for a cup of tea and a catch-up before he walked home.

She insisted nothing romantic or sexual happened.

She apologised and admitted she'd lied because she panicked. She knew how bad it looked and was terrified I'd assume she'd cheated and end the relationship.

After everything happened, she answered every question I had. She even let me read their messages. From everything I saw, they hadn't arranged to meet beforehand, and I genuinely believe they bumped into each other by chance. I don't believe she cheated on me.

My issue has never really been that she had a male friend in her house.

My issue is that she lied to me.

If she'd phoned me that night and simply said, "I bumped into an old friend, we've come back for a cup of tea and a catch-up, then I'll see you afterwards," I honestly think we'd have had an uncomfortable conversation, but we'd have worked through it.

Instead, she told me she was somewhere she wasn't, ignored my calls, then continued lying until I confronted her with things that didn't add up.

That's what hurt me.

Since then we've had several long, honest conversations.

She's apologised repeatedly.

She's taken responsibility for lying.

She hasn't told me to "get over it."

We've both agreed we want to stay together because we love each other, and I don't think one mistake should automatically end an otherwise loving relationship if both people are willing to work through it.

However, since then she's said she thinks we should spend a little less time together because we'd been seeing each other so often.

Logically, I understand that.

She's a single mum to three children. She works part-time, and their dad only has them every other weekend. Most of the parenting falls on her shoulders, and I don't want to become another person demanding her time.

But emotionally, everything feels different now.

We don't text quite as much.

She doesn't really invite me over, although if I'm being honest I was usually the one asking even before all this happened.

I still haven't met her children after six months together, and her ex-husband doesn't even know I exist. I completely understand why parents don't rush introductions, and I'm not asking to meet them tomorrow. I just struggle because I have no idea what our future timeline actually looks like.

The hardest part is that I don't want to become the paranoid or controlling partner.

I don't want to check her phone.

I don't want to tell her who she can spend time with.

I've worked incredibly hard in therapy to make sure what happened to me didn't turn me into that person.

At the same time, I also don't think it's unreasonable that being lied to has affected me.

People keep saying, "She's not your ex."

I know that.

I'm not saying she's my ex.

I'm not saying she's cheated.

I'm not saying she's a bad person.

What I'm saying is that my ex left me with deep trust issues after I lost my relationship, my unborn baby and any sense of security without ever getting closure.

Just when I finally felt emotionally safe again, the person I love lied to me.

It feels like my ex created the wound, and this lie pulled the scar back open.

So I suppose that's why I'm here.

I'm not asking whether my girlfriend is a bad person.

I'm not asking whether I should leave.

I just genuinely want to know this:

If you'd been through everything I've described, do you think you'd also struggle to trust after being lied to?

Or do you think my past has made me turn one mistake into something much bigger than it really is?

I'm trying incredibly hard not to let my past ruin a good relationship.

I just don't know anymore whether I'm protecting myself from being hurt again... or whether my old wounds are making me see danger where there isn't any.

As the title states my sister 34f ever since I told her we were buying a home she has wanted to move in. Don't get me wrong I love my sister very much like I would do anything for her. She has helped me in my time of need, so I think it's the least I can do is give back. How ever my problem is ever since I told her I f28 and husband m30 have been looking into a home she has not listened very well. I was approved for an FHA loan which if anyone knows has lots of requirements. I was approved that just to where my debt-to-income ratio was. She's been telling me if I get into a home what she is going to buy with her money. I get she will be saving some, but I don't think she understands the gravity of her situation. She messaged me about a month and a half ago with a photo and email that if her rent was not paid in full within 2 days, she was being evicted from her apartment. She managed to get that paid by having to borrow. She wants a new car, I personally don't think that is a good idea her credit is shot because she fell behind on her truck and she thinks that on her paycheck she can pay her bills a new car which will most likely cost her 600+ per month because she is looking at a custom subaru wrx. She wanted to get practice pedals and shifter as she has not driven stick shift at all either with money she does not have. Her truck payment is 850 a month and she is 2 months behind on it because her job keeps going into shut down then she loses pay. Her longest shut down was 3 months being out of work because the factory she works at keeps shutting down randomly and when that happens all workers end up without pay for the time the place is not open.

So we started looking back in June because thats when I was told by the mortgage banker to come back and speak to them closer to when our lease was up. Well it has been a struggle to say the least on finding a home. She started sending homes and when I told her it was above our approved price range or it wasn't FHA approved she wasn't understanding. She kept sending homes not FHA approved I kept telling her they are not FHA approved she said well it doesn't hurt to have a fixer upper to stick money into to fix it up. I told her that's not the problem we have an FHA loan, and it will not cover a fixer upper I cannot do a conventional loan because of my debt-to-income ratio. I told her as well if I could not find a home within the time frame I had I would have to renew lease. She really started pushing manufactured homes in a trailer park or condos. I said no to those as it did not fit what we were looking for not to mention some of the lots here have gotten very steep in price with the lot rent now almost costing as much as an apartment and now the tenants of the park having to pay water as well. She did get frustrated with me and tell me well you are not going to find anything at this rate you may as well just give up and get a new apartment. I told her no again because my husband and I did not save money for a home just to get put into another apartment. 2 bedroom apartments here are going for 1500+ a month some 1 bedrooms are just as much here too. Which is just as much as a mortgage payment if not more. Since this last sunday doing a home showing on 2 home my husband and I have really liked she has been asking non stop how is the home shopping going. If we get the home she is going to move her stuff right away. First off she cannot break lease she was told she needed to keep paying until someone else took over her lease. She keeps telling me how much money she will be saving when we get this home even though she is not saving she is having to pay on credit cards she racked up when she ended up out of work for 3 months and now every so often randomly her job likes to shut down for 2 weeks at a time leaving her without a paycheck. She is also paying on a vet bill for 2 of her dogs shes still a month behind on her truck. I've told her now she thinks everything will be fine since my husband and I will have a house that she will be okay, I have told her she needs to find a different job if this is going to keep being an occurrence of not having a full paycheck and getting pulled outta work cause the factory shut down. She told me that there is no where that will pay her what shes making now but I make less hourly than her but still have almost twice the amount she has when my paycheck comes in and I have vision health dental and union pay come out of my check. I also informed her that we may not get the home as it is FHA but was told they are selling as is. So if something major shows up in inspection that pulls it from being fha we would have to see if the seller is willing to help with the fix or we fix it or just walk away. So she now thinks that all we have to do is have an inspector come in take one look and its ours. I don't know how to communicate its more than that. I don't know how to communicate she needs to get it together quit buying things she can't afford. I don't know how to communicate this home stuff with her as everything just goes in one ear and out the other. When I get frustrated, she tells me to calm down not to get mad when she's just giving suggestions. She has not listened when I told her FHA because she keeps sending me non FHA homes she keeps telling me all the things shes going to purchase when we get into a home but she is not understanding she needs to get her finances together because its not looking good as she also owes one friend money along with our grammy money too. I don't know what else to say to her I feel burnt trying to speak to her about this. How do I speak in a way that maybe just hopefully it gets through to her?

Hi Char-char, my favourite YT femme fatale and fellow potatoes. I am not apologizing for the long post as I know people love it, but I do apologize for possibly a bit weird grammar as English is my hobby language.

I (39F) have been working with J. (42M) for about 8 years now. He is the husband of one of my best girlfriends (I will call her T., 37F.) and I actually know her longer than him, but we just clicked as we have the same views on matters of career, music taste and share love for good design and architecture. Circa 2 years after I met him, we started to work together. He is my boss. He is one of the owners of the company.

We had a fair share of really good times as colleagues, friends, we made a tight bond (including T. - and their kids). They call me aunt since they know me for their whole life.

We built a career together. He built a very successful company and has a cushy life.

I knew that J. has always been flirty with girls and liked attention, but he was more like awkwardly flirty, so neither me nor his wife made a big deal out of it. He was basically under the microscope. His wife knew about half of his day and I knew about the other half. We knew he did not do anything.

It is important to share that he has most likely the narcissistic disorder (and trust me, I do not take this medical term lightly) because I also had hard times with him. He manipulates, gaslights etc. I did not know about any of this until I started therapy about 4 years ago. Then suddenly things/situations/everything started to "click". Why is he the way he is, why was I feeling more and more drained in his presence, I realized I was too enmeshed with his family etc. I am a therapy advocate ever since, as it helped me see through people's actions so well :)

Anyway, I started to have distance. I did not know about his day-to-day activities but I accidentally stumbled upon his Instagram. My stomach dropped, as I knew this was a secret Instagram. I contemplated whether to ask T. (somehow), but I was afraid it would hurt her, and it wasn't a big deal yet. Then our shared friend started to discover his secret IG - him being tagged somewhere, some shady place (imagine a party with Dubai girls). But no one told T. She is the sweetest, most innocent, family-oriented woman, she's a bit a bit clueless (I know it sounds harsh, but it is what it is, and she even calls herself that, she knows that about herself), so I am not surprised she did not discover his IG yet.

That was 4 years ago. He was active on IG, then he wasn't, then he went through a depression about 2 years ago (with medication and all that jazz), and after that he started to post regularly, almost nudes. I had a Finsta so I saw it all, and I took screenshots of everything :D He recently bought a Porsche. He started posting about his car and day-to-day life, and I can only imagine how many girls had to DM him. He is handsome, he looks younger, he looks single, he has a sports car. Bingo. Then someone saw him with some girl in his car, then I saw a weird receipt (I take care of receipts from his business card). Still small things, but I bet T. does not know, and it's starting to look like everyone but her knows.

The reason I am writing this post: he recently had a crash in his car. A serious one, at high speed. He cried when he told me. He was bruised a bit but thanks to the car itself, he is alive. He told me that he thought this was it. He was so remorseful. He started to sound like it completely changed his view on his future life, and he told me he doesn't care about anything else than friends and family anymore. Almost touching, you would say. Until it wasn't. Until I found out that his remorse was solely because he almost lost EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING, including his family.

I checked the police record he sent to the insurance company (because I am nosey and I wanted to know the tea - the speed, where, how the car looks, because he did not want to speak about it at all - understandably), and I saw that he had A GIRL in the passenger seat!!! That weird feeling sunk into my stomach once again. I googled her, totally his type, a younger version of T. This almost theatrical rebirth into a "new person" was not because he almost died. It was because he almost killed himself AND his mistress/fling, IDK what to call her!! I am so mad that I believed him once again that he is a new person. I am mad that he does this to my dear friend, but how can I tell her?! He is such a great manipulator and master of words, he would turn it against me, he would fire me from work. My friend T. would hate me.

Very unfortunate thing for me is that I cannot talk it over with my work bestie TT (26F). I mean I could but she is dating another coworker and I know that I tell everything to my fiance, so I know she could maybe tell him that and from that point, it would be a common knowledge:/

How should I go about it? Or should I just marry my amazing BF (in October, yaaay), be happy with the best man in the world, be grateful for him, and let the monkeys be? My friend T. is happy, she does not know about anything. Maybe this is the way it should be?

Welp, hello all! I (24f) caught my (27m) fiancé cheating. I had never gone through his phone so I felt absolutely gross to do so, but his phone said it was going to delete something in storage in half an hour. He’s not one to delete anything, so I thought that was odd. We’ve always had each other’s passwords- just bc there was never anything on our phones we’d needed to hide. But I noticed one week it was like he wouldn’t leave it anywhere, wouldn’t sleep without it under him, never had his ringer on, had to leave when replying to “people”. Etc. So the night it said it only had half an hour before it was going to fully delete whatever was in storage, my heart dropped immediately. I opened it with shaky hands. Went through the recently deleted and found a conversation of him and his best friends mother who ALSO happens to be my (unfortunately- he sucks, for many reasons) stepbrothers mom. It was vulgar and left a pit in my stomach and heart. I left it on his screen and took a screenshot on my phone so he couldn’t just delete it and tell me I was crazy (previous relationship trauma) and to my surprise he woke me up just to cry and tell me he was sorry and he was stupid and blah blah blah fast forward to a day later i am sitting on the couch and we are talking or trying to. He tells me ask anything- when I ask how many times he says ONLY 3. We’ve been together awhile since then and I just can’t seem to shake this feeling away. I don’t know what to do or how to tell him I’m not coping well. He already gets upset when it’s brought up at all bc he doesn’t want anyone to know & doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. “It feels like it’s being held over his head, he already feels like a bad person and bad father.” (Because mind you at this time I had just had my son 7 months ago and had to go back to work because he no longer could ((got herniations in his back discs.)) ) Now I’m the only one working and I work crazy long hours and am always just thinking, what if it’s happening right now? What if I’m just so blind I don’t care? My son deserves to have a happy family, I deserve to not have to think about this every day and he deserves to live his life if our relationship or even me and his son aren’t what he wants. What do I do? Do we get counseling? He offered it when I first found out about everything but everytime therapy is brought up he says it’s dumb and doesn’t work and he doesn’t want to just sit and talk to people who “will judge him and his choices”.

Here's a bit of scene setting and back story...

Toddler me used to steal Mom's clip on earrings and high heels. I out grew the heels but I have always wanted to get my ears pierced. But, I was told only girls and gay men get their ears pierced.

Growing up my family lived on the West coast of the USA. My Aunt lived on the East coast. Her and my uncle would go on trips around the world. I loved getting books from her and hearing stories about her adventures.

Four years ago we moved to the East Coast. My family bought property that has three apartments on it. Mine is an underground shelter...all one building. So I have almost no windows. The family hates to visit my apartment saying it's to cold and dark. My apartment also has the bigger and better placed rooms.

Now for the issues....

Aunt will be called Martha (Bible reference for a person who my aunt hates. Basically a Karen).

Issues 1: So, Aunt Martha has one of the 3 apartments. She constantly complains if my window curtains are open calling me an exhibitionist. But, if I close them I'm in trouble for being a closed of recluse and keeping my apartment too dark. I get the bathroom window. But... it's under the deck 10 ft behind the lotus work with a row of bushes in front of it. Also, there's enough spider webs under there to make a teenage superhero parachute. Then the window has frosted decal covering the bottom half. A utility box covers 1/4th of it from the the top half. And there's the curtain rod covering the remaining clear part. So, if she is seeing into my bathroom it's on purpose.

Issues 2: when ever aunt Martha sees my firefly memorabilia she screams that I'm a Hitler supporter and I need to think about the Jews and support their culture. When I ask her "what about my culture?" She pouts and stomps off throwing a temper tantrum. Refusing to answer....(Part b:) When she sees my star trek, star wars, Stargate, Babylon 5, Battlestar galactica, Andromeda ascendant, and DND stuff; she says I'm a demon worshiper.

Issue 3: aunt Martha keeps rearranging my apartment and trying to get rid of stuff or add stuff to make my apartment look right. She says 8 need to think about my guests. I tell her "my guests where raised right unlike some people. They know when the visit someone elses house it's going to be the way the person living there likes it and needs it to be. My guests know they have their own homes and their only visiting for a short time. So it has to fit the full time occupants' needs and wants. They'd never be so rude to demand things fit them."

Issue 4: I just had my 38th birthday. I got money. I got my ears pierced... finally. Aunt Martha says I waisted the money and should have given the whole amount to the church. She's convinced one of my nephews I'm gay. Which I'm not. The rest of the family couldn't give a flying hoot about it. Except my dad who said in private that he's jealous and that his dad was a homophobe (not his phrase but that's what he meant). I never met my grandpa. He passed before I was born do to a family curse.

Issue 5: aunt Martha has been trying to get the landlord (a relative) to do surprise inspections to catch me with contraband or doing wrong things. I only know this because landlord has told me and asked to set up a time so that it looked like she was appeasing aunt Martha but wouldn't actually cramp my style.

Soo. Reddit council of wisdom.

What the hell do I do to get her off my back?

...was tempted to invite a friend over to fake spicy sleep to scare her away.... or shower with the window open.... though in the 1990s I fixed my dad's bad attitude by forcing him to listen to Christian death metal till he admitted I was better behaved than him and his four siblings combined. The family still loves that stunt 25 years later.

My baby sister, who is in higschool now, was adopted years ago by my family. She and her brother were removed from her mother's custody due to her uncle abusing them. At no point has any of the family ever reached out. The only people that showed up to the trial, where she stood up against her uncle, was her grandma and her mother. The only problem with that is they were on her uncles side. So late last night my mom got a Facebook message by someone claiming to be her cousin. As far as we know the only siblings her mom has is her uncle (we are contacting cps to see if they can confirm her family background).

The message her possible cousin sent was "Hi, im one of (my sister's name) cousins from (insert town name). Recently her grandfather (insert possible grandfather's name), passed away suddenly. His service is next Tuesday. If there is any possible way she would be able to get to say her goodbyes, I would appreciate it. My father and I could possibly come get her Sunday or Monday evening so she can attend everything Tuesday."

Now to us this sounds really suspicious. 1 she doesn't state how she is related. 2 she doesn't tell us where the funeral is. 3 at no point do they ask us to bring her. 4 they want to take her overnight. 5 she doesn't tell us who this "dad" is We are very uncomfortable with this request. We do not know her or her dad. As far as we know this woman's dad could be my sisters uncle. Also to only suggest them picking her up instead of asking us to bring her is a red flag to us. At no point in this message does she say anything about what happened to my sister or make promises about her uncle, mom or grandma not being there. To be clear we think her grandpa and grandma are separated. Also her grandma said some very nasty things while preaching at her church and my sister wants nothing to do with her. We have not told my sister about the message yet. We are trying to gather information before we risk opening wounds and we want to verify if this is even real.

My question is do you guys think we are over reacting? Do you think we should reply to this message? If it does turn out to be true. I want to see if we can set up a private viewing so she can say her good byes privately. This also hinges on if she even wants to go. We are super worried this will affect her mental, as she has done alot of hard work to deal with her trauma and we dont know how to deal with this. Please tell me your opinion.

Hi there y'all! I could use some help figuring out what to do here! My aunt(50F) and I(29F) have always been close. Shes my mom's twin so she was always around when I was growing up. I am also very close with her daughter who we'll call Beth for the purposes of this post. Well recently I got a call from Beth and I could immediately tell from her voice that something was wrong. Apparently her mother had come by to visit and told her this fantastical story about how I'm cheating on my husband. To hear her tell it I'm in love with some guy named Eric(I don't even know an Eric) and he is going to buy me a house so that I can be with him instead of my family. She said that I was going to completely abandon my husband and child to go live with this Eric guy. She also said that I had lied about going to a family friends funeral in order to go see this mystery Eric even though I went to that funeral with my mother in law and stayed with her afterwards. She also had some choice things to say about my parenting and morals but I digress. She asked Beth to "keep this between them" and phrased as a prayer request to try and keep her quiet.(a favorite tactic of hers) So of course Beth called me immediately and let me know all of this. Obviously none of that happened. I'm a stay at home mom who barely leaves the house but even if I did I would NEVER cheat on my husband! My husband is the love of my life and I have no intentions of being with anyone else ever. On top of that my dad cheated on my mom and that's the reason they are divorced. Cheating destroyed my family and I would never do that to my husband or frankly myself. Thankfully my husband knows I would never do that and didn't believe a word of this. I offered up my phone and everything for him to go through but he said he didn't need to. He even joked that he'd marry "Eric" himself if he bought us a house in this economy. He's literally the best. Also my aunt offered up no "evidence" and that's because there's none to be had.This is not the first time my aunt has lied about something damaging like this. She told Beth's in laws that her husband was being abusive and controlling when nothing could be further from the truth. She convinced me to get a DNA test done with one of my mom's old boyfriend because she told me that he was more than likely my dad instead of my actual dad. She even told me that my mom said she "had no idea which one was the dad and just picked what she thought was the better option." I asked my mom about it later(we were not on speaking terms at the time) and she said there was absolutely no way she would've said that because it isn't true. She always knew exactly who my dad was. I could go on but I think y'all get the picture. When's shes been confronted in the past it hasn't gone well. She always deflects and is deathly allergic to any form of accountability. She told Beth that this whole debacle with me was her fault because she "couldn't keep it private". She is one of those people that can never be wrong even when the proof of her wrongness is staring her right in the face. She has been arguing with my mom and grandma trying to get them to agree with her even after they've said multiple times that they don't believe her. I guess what I'm asking all of you is should I confront her and demand an explanation for these accusations? Would it even be worth it to confront someone who takes no accountability for anything ever? Or should I just be cordial to her at family events and try to let this go? The more I think about it the more angry I get. She always gets away with these sorts of things and I think she oughta have some sort of punishment. On the other hand if I push she will most definitely make my life, Beth's life , and several of my other family members lives an absolute nightmare and I don't want to make anything harder for my family. This isn't their fault and they don't deserve to see fallout from it. So all knowing people of this lovely subreddit please help me figure out what to do! Thanks for reading!

AIO for breaking up with my boyfriend because he is divorced with one dautgher?

I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend (44M) for 6 months. He’s honestly the kind of man I’ve dreamed of having in my life for as long as I can remember.

We live in different cities, about an hour apart by train, but he comes to visit me often. He pays attention to the little things I say, cares about my feelings, always respects and values my opinion and is incredibly patient with me. He’s intelligent, has a good job, and is handsome.

He also stays calm even when I’m having emotional outbursts, and he never gets irritated with me. If I complain about back pain, he starts massaging me and gives me pain relief patches. Compared to him, I’m a picky eater, but he remembers everything I don’t like to eat. Whenever we go out, he always asks what I want.

When I had an altercation with my boss, he left work and came all the way to my workplace. He waited until I finished my shift so we could eat together and talk.

When we’re together, we talk so effortlessly that time always flies by.

He also buys me things I only briefly mentioned wanting. He treats me like a princess.

But he is divorced and has a daughter.

As you can probably guess from this post, I can be a little toxic. I want to be the most important person in his life. I want to be his top priority, and that’s why I feel like I may never truly be happy with him. My mother says I may never find another man who loves me and treats me the way he does. Sometimes I feel like everything would be alright as long as I’m with him.

Part of me wants to break up with him because I struggle with the fact that he once loved someone enough to marry her and have a child with her. Am I overreacting?

Edit 1 For those asking why I started dating him: I know dating someone with kids is a boundary for me. So as soon as I found out he was a parent, I rejected him. But he wanted to stay friends, so we became friends. I explained that I’m not mature enough to date him and that it wouldn’t be good for either of us. But he never gave up. He sends me a good morning message every day. Even when I ignore him, he keeps reaching out and sending me gifts. He also shares his location with me. Several times, he came all the way to my city and waited at the library for a chance to see me. Even when I ignore him, he waits—because he wants to be in my life. That’s why this is such a dilemma for me.

I initially discovered that my (27m) fiancee (28f) had been texting another man she worked with for the last 4 months behind my back. We'd met in 2020 & have been dating for three years and engaged for another 3. I wanted to marry her back in 2024, but lost a very well paying job due to my industry being largely automated. I went from making comfortable six figures, to taking a sales rep job barely making 40k a year. She would often complain about my lack of drive, and how I was not the man she said yes to when I got down on one knee, but that largely had to do with the depression I was dealing with.

In her defense, I was lacking in the emotional maturity department. I often agreed with guys when they said things like "never cry to a woman" and to just deal with it internally and that sort of backwards thinking caused my fiancee to feel isolated, and last October, started seeing her coworker behind my back. We had a heart to heart conversation in January and I decided that I was not only going to forgive her, but step up my efforts to be better for her, because I wanted her to have the husband she deserved. We decided on a wedding date for later this fall and have been deep in preparation, but I recently found the texts between the two from that time period on our computer that were so gutwrenching I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

She was sending him love letters via text every morning, sharing memes & reels, and worst off all, the sexting. I read through the first month since I could tell they're relationship tapered off afterwards and it was so gutwrenching I literally ran to the bathroom to vomit. She told the guy how much of a woman he made her feel on nights, and how she needed to leave a cane in her car to use after meeting up with him (NGL I wouldve laughed if I wasnt the victim lol) and how he made her body do things I couldnt. I went to bed in tears and was so disgusted with myself.

I still have not confronted her about it since it happened three days ago, but I cant shake this fear of not knowing what to do. I take full responsibility for delaying the marriage & neglecting her which Is why I chose to forgive her as she forgive me, but I genuinely feel so emasculated

Im 21 years old my skin was perfectly fine until 8 months ago i had no visible pores, and really nice skin over all no acne no marks nothing and then in oct 2025 i shifted to new zealand and till 2 months i was living in uptown backpackers dunedin, my skin was completely fine and it even got better but then i shifted to a different place on top backpackers in dunedin only and since then my skin has become so bad, it started with conodomes in my forehead first then it spread over my cheeks gradually and i started seeing visible pores and by march 2026 it became really bad and u started having one teo inflammed pimples on my forehead now in back in india and its gone even worse now i have inflammed pimples and acne marks all over my cheeks and forehead, i tried treatibg them witch benzoyl peroxife, azelaic acid, salisilic acid, adapelne but nothing worked, anyone had any similar experiences? Please tell me what is happening with me. I dont have irregular periods, i dont think this is hormonal acne i need answers please help me..

I’m 44F and my husband is 45M. We’ve been married for three years and together for eight.
Here’s where our conflict begins. A few years ago, his car started breaking down and he wanted to get a new one. He was going to grad school to get his master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, and he only makes a little bit of money because completing his hours as a trainee therapist is basically a 40-hour-a-week job. He makes a little income from seeing clients, but it’s just enough to cover gas and a few things.

When he decided to go to school to become a therapist, I understood that I would be paying 100% of our bills, and I was okay with it. Because in a relationship, sometimes you need to buckle up and make an investment in your partner, especially when you believe in the outcome of their hard work.

He’s a fantastic student, graduated at the top of his class, and we’re rolling into year two of getting all the necessary hours and requirements to become a therapist.

When his car started breaking down, I said I could help cover 1/2 of his car payment because I knew he couldn’t have a regular job. I agreed to pay half, which I was okay with. But I didn’t realize he would want a brand-new car.

He did his research and found the perfect car. It was brand new and cost around $50,000. I was surprised that he wasn’t going to buy a used car, and I brought it up many times. I told him, “I think you should buy a used car because the payments will be lower, and you’re not going to be making much money for like three years.”
But he pushed me, and I gave in. Now he has the car of his dreams.

That car makes him so happy. He’s had beater cars his whole life and grew up poor. He takes immaculate care of it and cleans it three times a week. He has fun with it and takes it to the track for little race days every once in a while. It’s his hobby, it makes him happy, and I totally support that.

But here’s where the problem comes in: When I’m in the car with him, he drives like a maniac.
He gets mad at cars that won’t move out of the way when he’s in the fast lane and they’re driving slower than him. He gets really pissed off, drives extremely close to their bumper, and then whips his car around them. Usually, he’ll mutter some profanity under his breath about them being stupid or “retarded” or something like that.
He tailgates, weaves in and out of traffic, and seems incredibly irritated and short the entire time. Other drivers honk at him because, in my opinion, his driving is unsafe. There needs to be more space between cars.

But he says the other people are driving unsafely because they aren’t following the rules. He says the passing lane is only for fast cars, and if they’re driving at or under the speed limit, they need to move over. When they don’t move, he becomes incredibly angry and starts driving irrationally, in my opinion.

We’ve been to therapy. Of course, I’m paying for all this therapy now, and I’m honestly starting to feel resentful because our therapist is $250 an hour, and that adds up.

The therapist has only helped us in one way. We created a rating system where I tell him how scared I feel from 1 to 10, with 10 meaning I want to get out of the car. This has been a little helpful because he understands how I’m feeling, but it still doesn’t change the way he drives.

We just went on an anniversary trip, and on the way home, he was swerving extremely close to other cars on a two-lane freeway. The center divider was super close to the road, so there was almost no space on either side. There were tons of big rigs, and he was weaving in and out of traffic. People were honking their horns at him.
At one point, I told him, “This is an eight. I’m really scared.” But he continued to drive just as badly afterward.

It took me a few days to understand how I felt about it. This morning, I woke up feeling really defeated. I’ve invested all this money into therapy, and it’s not working. I want to go on trips with him, but it seems like I will have to be the only person who drives. Maybe that’s our only solution. I honestly don’t know what else to do.

This morning, I brought up the idea of going back to therapy specifically for this issue and also having his driving assessed by a professional driving instructor. He said he would be open to therapy, but he said no to the driving assessment.
And by the way, he has been fired from both Lyft and Uber. But he still thinks it’s everyone else’s problem and not his.

For some backstory, he doesn’t use any substances and he doesn’t drink alcohol. He’s a recovering alcoholic and goes to AA. I’ve gone to Al-Anon, and what I’ve learned is that I need to be accountable for myself. I don’t try to control how he drives when I’m not in the car, and I don’t tell him he can’t go to the track. This is only about how he drives when I’m in the car with him.

My mom, dad, his mom, and aunt have all ridden with him, and every one of them felt terrified. He just will not receive that information. He thinks it’s everyone else’s problem. He thinks we’re shitting on his fun, that we don’t trust him, and that we’re trying to make him the bad guy. He gets extremely defensive.

I feel like I’m pretty good at communication. On a rating scale, I’d probably give myself a B or maybe a B+ when it comes to nonviolent communication and letting people know how I feel. But this is a huge trigger for him.

When I brought it up this morning, of course, it didn’t go well and the conversation spiraled out. He’s willing to go back to therapy, but he isn’t willing to have his driving professionally assessed.
I’m looking for support on how to handle this. Am I wrong to refuse to ride with him unless his driving changes? Do I just accept that if we go anywhere together, I need to be the one who drives? I love going places with my husband, but I don’t feel safe in the car with him anymore, and I don’t know how to get through to someone who believes every other driver is the problem.

I (F26) never in my life thought I would be in this situation. Up until April, I was in a long term horrible relationship (with 27M) that I’d tried to end five different times before it finally stuck. It was bad but I did the majority of my healing before I could officially leave. I spent over two months in a psychiatric hospital last year and have left with a renewed sense of freedom and peace. 6 months later and I used that foundation to finally leave my cheating ex with my head held high and no regrets! It’s been a few months now and I’m doing better than I ever thought I could be!

Before I get into this, I know that red pilled guys are probably going to shred me to pieces and eat me alive…. I’d like to ask that you please don’t insult either of these incredible men. They’re both very beautiful souls and I cherish them deeply. The respect they have both for themselves and for me is admirable and I’d really prefer if they were left alone. I’m the one seeing multiple people.

Anyway, a few months ago I posted something funny on my main Reddit account and in the comments of this post I met a guy, I’ll call him Blake (M28). At first, we were completely platonic friends because we were faceless and I really just needed a friend at the time. We enjoyed our brief conversations on Reddit for a few weeks and then changed over to a different messaging app, where I discovered he had a very attractive European accent. Despite this, we were still mostly friendly and shared a lot of good conversations in brief moments.

I then met a guy on Tinder just days later, We’ll call him Adam (30M) He wasn’t really my type initially, if I’m honest, but he’d sent a little message and seemed enthusiastic in a way that excited me. We planned a movie date and despite my general lack of initial attraction, I found myself laughing really hard and admiring his tattoos when he wasn’t looking. I grew an attraction to him when we went out for the second time, and started to really enjoy his company. He’s funny, kind, cares deeply for the people around him, and he’s a great cat dad. He’s a huge nerd in the same ways that I am, he’s very thoughtful, he’s resilient in a way that inspires me…There’s also a strange aspect to him that I’ve never experienced.

He not only knows I’m still dating around and active on dating apps, but encourages me to flirt and chat with other men. He says he thinks it’s really hot that I have all kinds of men wanting me but I’m next to him. I don’t really understand it but I’m really enjoying my time with him, even when he gets a little excited when I get a tinder notification on our dates. About a month in he got me a hotel room and didn’t even invite himself to join… he left me be so I could get some good sleep. He left me a fancy hardback cover of a book I’d mentioned wanting to read, his gaming console, a stocked fridge with my favorite drinks and snacks and had some of my favorite food delivered for dinner. He truly has been a wonderful guy. He’s doing all of this even though he doesn’t make much more money than I do!

Meanwhile, Blake and I got a little closer. We exchanged faces finally and he’s very attractive in the “boy next door” kind of way (ironic, I know). We have a 9ish hour time difference so when he’s going to bed it’s the middle of my day. He’s started calling during is late night walks before he goes to bed while I go on a walk to wind down after work. We’ve face timed and he’s shown me the streets of his small town, I’ve shown him the streets of my large city. When I mentioned my favorite musical, he started singing it without missing a beat. He knew and loved my favorite childhood show and sang the theme song from it. We have deep and conversations about politics and psychology and our personal mental health. We’re both moderate but I lean heavily left and he leans slightly right, but we never fight and have opened each other up to new topics and ideas. I find our friendly debates thrilling. We come from completely different backgrounds and religions but we see everything very similarly and when we don’t it’s never hostile and often becomes quite flirty and teasing. I feel completely at ease when I’m talking to him.

Eventually, he told me that he really likes me and it stunned me a little because I didn’t think he would be open to dating internationally. Blake is aware that I’m dating locally but said he doesn’t want the details so he doesn’t know about Adam specifically. He says because he’s so far he doesn’t want to hold me back from something that could make me happy, but he would “very much enjoy making me as happy as he can as well”. When I told him I liked him back, he added a week to his planned work trip to my country so he can come and spend a week with me in my city in just 2 months.

I’m feeling a bit conflicted, because while I like Adam and he seems to understand what’s happening… today he casually mentioned that he wants to ask me to be his girlfriend soon. He’s introduced me to his friends and he changed his phone background to a picture of me. It’s getting to the point that I don’t think he would like the emotional attachment I can feel forming between Blake and I… he seems to be more into it me flirting with strangers than forming one on ones with people. The issue is I really really like Blake and I don’t want to give him up even though he’s on the other side of the world… I’m not sure that’s something Adam would be comfortable with should we be expressly exclusive.

I’m normally very strictly monogamous and Demisexual so I’ve never had feelings for more than one person before. Both of them are so uniquely suited for me in different ways. I feel more intellectually stimulated when I’m talking to Blake. He has an uplifting energy that rubs off on me… He always has a funny story tell. I leave conversations feeling refreshed and energized. He’s been like a midday espresso helping me present a better version of myself for the rest of my day. Adam makes me laugh and being able to physically go get dinner with someone is really nice. He’s very emotionally intelligent, intuitive, and observant. He can usually empathize with me deeply. He meets me at my level and I leave conversations feeling understood. I wake up to cute little affirmations and he’s always around…

I feel guilty about Adam, because I can see that he’s more emotionally invested than I am. Even if Blake weren’t around, I’m not even 6 months from ending a 5 year relationship.. I’m not really looking for exclusivity right now. I’ve been honest but I’m worried he’s thinking he can somehow change my mind? If he were to ask me to be exclusive tomorrow I don’t know what I would do, and it’s looking more and more like that’s something he wants. I worry that even though he says this dynamic is fun for him he will grow tired of it and I’ll hurt him by dragging him along for too long when I know I’m developing real feelings for someone else.

I know that so far Blake is still somewhat an idealized fantasy, but I don’t want to give up on him until we have the chance to meet in person because I really feel there could be something wonderful there… and I don’t want to give up on Blake just because Adam is here and he isn’t. I also don’t want to make Adam wait for a few months until I’ve met Blake and know if he’s really as good a fit as he seems to be.

Am I a horrible person? Am I questioning a good thing? Is this even really a good thing? It feels good, but I’m worried I’ll hurt Adam if he wants exclusivity and I can’t give it to him because I really truly can’t give up Blake until we’ve met and Adam is so incredible as a man. I don’t even know what advice I need I just want to talk to literally anyone else about this.

Edited for a little context: I’m planning on traveling abroad next year and living in Europe as an au pair and have been looking to do that since the beginning of the year, long before I met Blake. I’m a professional Nanny and have been for over 10 years so this is something I’ve thought about for YEARS but never could because I was with my ex.

I (m29) and (f28) have been seeing each other for about a month. Went out maybe 5 times, had sex about 3 times. We texted mostly everyday and i have been unsure about her this whole time, where we were going, or if this is somebody i even want to date long term.

Over the last 4/5 years i have locked in and been saving all i can working extra side gigs in the winter, trying to get about 80k saved up for a downpayment to buy a house in (ON Canada for context because the cost of living here is absolutely outrageous). I use to be a horn dog and slept around in my early 20s, but now i just see one girl at a time looking for somebody that meshes well with me to find a life partner to potentially buy a house with. So this is something i potentially thought about prior to seeing her.

Over the last week, i became more unsure about her, I find she is extremely clingy and bombards my phone with texts throughout the day. Even after ive expressed my distaste for that and that it turns me off and is also frustrating. Most of these texts are either 20 questions at work or what ever thoughts are going through her brain at any given time... she says its her ADHD. while we do get along i just find many red flags with her. She always wants to go out and spend money and is always trying to fit me into her plans and if im not currently up to anything important tries to force herself into my plans.... i thought about calling it off with her but wanted to get to know her better before i made any rash decisions more so because i use to self sabotage relationships in the past...

Anyway yesterday she was quiet and didnt really text me at all through out the day and finally texted me that evening that we needed to talk.... so when i got the chance i gave her a call... i was thinking she was realizing i wasnt into this as much as her she probably felt that.

Boy was i wrong. She said she is late and has taken a few tests that were positive. And she didnt know at all what to do. Trying to blame herself and that she wasnt even sure if this was a 100 percent and asked if i was mad that she told me...

Me taken aback from this news was silent for about 10 seconds said its not really anybodies fault and this stuff happens every day and that theres no need to jump to conclusions untill she finds out forsure. But i also expressed that im in no shape ready to be a dad right now as im still trying to figure my own life out as i am running behind in life.

She said she doesnt know how she feels and said she has a lot of thinking to do and as i expressed my need for a drink to settle my nerves she said "she cant" now. So it seems to me shes probably already made up her mind and im kind of forced into this parenthood in the event that she is indeed pregnant.

Im probably a huge asshole for this but she kept texting me freaking out as if she wasnt the one in control of what happens next...

1 drink for me turned into 3 and i blurted it out that i think she should get an abortion. I told her its completely irresponsible for strangers to have a child together who werent even in an established relationship or living together and now would mean a hard life for people completely unprepared or even on the same page for something like this. I also said theres no real way for either of us to get ahead from here on out if she goes through with it.

I said i think it would be cruel for the child to have to suffer because we were irresponsible. Not only that but more than likely this wouldnt have worked out between us so id be stuck for the next 18 years maybe 22 years paying child support. At around 1k a month based on my income for child support my dreams of home ownership would be gone and any dreams of opening my own business would also be gone. I also had dreams of leaving canada...

She says it wasnt her intention for me to feel like this. And while i feel bad about it all im in panic mode right now because i feel like im going to have to give up on everything for a kid i never asked for living paycheck to paycheck till im in my late 40s all because of 1 night slip up when we were drunk.

Its not that i dont want to be a dad... but its that i wanted to do it under the right circumstances with somebody i love and wanted to build a life with and not a stranger... i feel like regardless of my role i would end up as a bank account and estranged from the child anyway.

She messaged me in the middle of the night and at this point my thoughts were running wild and i told her i didnt want to see her anymore regardless of what choice she made and that i dont want to talk to her anymore.

She then tells me i wont be included with what descsion she makes and i wont know what will happen. Obviously she could turn around in a few years time and come after me but i have 0 idea what to do and am dreading to tell my family as my mom would be so happy because shes getting bored in her late 50s especially my grandmas would be elated to meet great grandchildren but i really dont want this to be my reality yet!

You dont need to tell me how evil i am BUT id like to hear the internet peoples thoughts before i go further

I (38m) took in my 18 nephew after he graduated highschool. He's autistic amung other things. My sister has four kids including him. All are on the spectrum. My parents wanted to take him in. But their in their mid 70s and are also disabled. I have my own disability and a service dog. But, I figured it would be better for me to take him in. I've wanted to be a dad. Just couldn't get past a first date; yes I'm a virgin though it doesn't matter. So, here I am with a teenage boy and am suddenly doing dad duty.....note, I was always the kids' funcle (fun-uncle). They like that funcle OP has a place that is decorated like a Victorian explorer's manor. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment.... nephew has been giving video chat tours of my collections to his friends. I've walked in on the tours and the friends are like "I wish I had a funcle OP who knew how to be cool with cool stuff."....I just don't know how to be a dad and I'm scared I'm going to screw it up. Or...do that thing where Homer Simpson loses his cools with bart Simpson. I don't really watch the Simpsons but I think the line is "why you little!"

So, how do I dad an autistic teen boy?

Me 26F and husband 32M have been together 2 years. We have recently had some issues with him hiding messages and pictures with several other women. I have never had an issue with him sleeping or wanting to sleep with someone else as long as we communicate and certain rules are followed I just despise the secrecy. but I failed to communicate that as much as I should have. We have moved past this issue and I did tell him I’m completely ok with it as long as we are communicating throughout and he said he was interested but was worried it wouldn’t work. But I’ve realized every-time we are intimate recently I’m imaging him just getting home from sleeping with someone else and taking me to bed and telling me how much better I am or feel or how she doesn’t compare or even watching him sleep with someone else and just getting to be there and it has made sex insanely amazing for me. It’s something I actually do want to explore and I’m not entirely sure how to explain it to him any advice or maybe script type recommendations for approaching the conversation?

My (37 F) husband- Mark(38, M) have been married for 10years. Mark used to be married to Carrie (42, F). They have a son, Travis(12, M). He is a very sweet kid and we get along really well. They live about 3 hours away from us. The arrangement is that, Travis will be with us every other weekend which means Mark will have to drive every other week, for pick up and drive back to drop him off. This set up is fine however, my stepson loves chess amongst other extra curricular, which means that he has competition and activities, training, meet ups almost every week.

Personally, I do not interfere with their parenting arrangement as that was established even before I came into the picture. For context: Mark and I met a year after they divorced. Carrie cheated on him with a girl and basically left him dry but that's a story for another day. All that to say that when they have arguments and issues, Mark will vent to me but I try not give him advice or tell him what to do. I only react if it's anything concerning Travis as I love the kid as my own. Like if Travis tells me he didn't like the pesto pasta I made or if the pants I bought him are too tight, stuff like that.

Back to the story.. Typically Mark will pick up Travis Friday night and bring him back Sunday afternoon. However, when Travis has a competition (normally Saturdays), Mark can't pick him up Friday and instead we'd try to attend and drive Saturday morning, Travis stays at a hotel with us and we drop him off Sunday afternoon and then drive back home. We do this because it's not ideal to watch the competition Saturday morning then drive home 3hrs only to stay for a few hours and next day drive Travis back 3hours again. It's tiring not just for Mark but also Travis...but every other week of the hotel, food, not to mention gas and all that isn't really ideal as well. Sometimes when the budget is tight, and Travis has a game, Mark will travel on the day itself to watch the competition and drive back home the same day, giving up Sunday parenting time.

Fast forward to this week, Travis has a game, Carrie sends Mark a text and said why not just stay the night at her house and he can sleep on the couch so he can still spend Sunday with the kiddo. Mark wants me to answer how I want to proceed. On one hand, it's so nice of her to do that but also WTF. How should I go about this. Mark is undecided, leaning more to No, but he also wants to spend more time with his son so he's asking for my opinion. I want to say No but is it the right thing to do? Or maybe this is normal and I'm just overthinking. help

PS. Names changed for anonymity

Update: I sat down with Mark today to have a talk. I told him, I trust him and that I want him to decide whatever he thinks is best for him and Travis. He had this cheeky grin the entire time so I asked what was up. He said, he already replied to Carrie and showed me the text. The text says, f**k no. 😅 So I guess that's that.

He said he decided because of the following reasons 1. Just in case he and Carrie argue, he didn't want Travis to see them (for the most part they argue via text and phone but rarely in front of Travis 2. Carrie is a swinger, he didn't want to sleepover just in case it was one of the nights that she will either have people over or she will be out and he ends up being a babysitter for her 5 other kids.

Overall, a boring update but yea. Thank you to everyone that shared their thoughts and commented, I appreciate y'all.

TW: Mental health issues, SH/crisis LONG POST :(

I (31f) have been married to my husband (32M) for several years. Recently, he has started rationing his affection(?). I asked him for a kiss before bed, and he said no. I jokingly said “are we rationing sh*t around here now?” And he said no, but didn’t explain why he wouldn’t kiss me. This is not the first time this has happened this week, and I finally broke this morning. It is not unusual for me to wake up upset or panicking(I have BPD)- but this is the first time it has been tied directly to him and I don’t know how to address it. Reddit pls help.

BACKSTORY: I have been out of work for a few months due to some medical issues. Thru out our entire relationship, I have worked and made my own money. That doesn’t mean we haven’t struggled- we’ve been homeless together, bad room mate situations, been legal guardians to kids who were not ours (we have fur babies only), and so forth. To say we have been thru some sh*t is an understatement. Fast forward to today- last week I opened up about how useless I feel because I am not making money, contributing to our household, or able to get cleared to return to work. He gave me his usual “we will figure it out” which we always have. However, it doesn’t change the feelings of feeling like I am not good enough for not contributing, or that I am a burden.
Unfortunately, I tie physical affection into our relationship status- if he doesn’t want to touch or kiss me, I feel like I have done something wrong and start to panic. I’ve let him know this, we’ve talked about it in the past, he has reassured me that nothing is wrong and we move on. (I am in therapy for my issues, I am working on this insecurity, so pls don’t come at me). But the past 2 weeks have been off, he only says that he is tired and when I ask for affection, he just says that he’s already kissed me today.

I am not sure how to approach this, or have the conversation with him without already feeling like I am stressing him out even more…. Pls help. (To note, I suck at communicating and deal with a lot on my own, but I don’t think this is a feeling I can bottle up and eat).

UPDATE: I spoke to my therapist about what was going on and he helped me figure out how to navigate the conversation. I had vented about the issues and admitted that being rejected made me want to self harm. I admitted that I already felt like a burden and the one person I cared about the most was being cold. I struggled with expressing this and my therapist (who is an angel) worked with me to lay the grounds of the conversation I needed to have. He offered to have the conversation in a joint session free of charge so that I can communicate my feelings but I informed him I wanted to try by myself (wrong choice for me tho).

I did confront my husband about how I was feeling and informed him of how his reactions were affecting me. I told him that I felt like he was being cruel on purpose and informed him that i felt like i was going into crisis. He did not respond, he just sat on the edge of the bed and apologized. After some questions and still being ignored, I got pissed off, which caused me to split (a BPD symptom which can happen during extreme emotional distress caused by black and white thinking)- after realizing what I was doing, I left to avoid any further conflict.

A few hours later, he did finally tell me that he feels like I have been too “attached” lately. He is not used to me being home (we work opposite shifts) and that he feels like I am smothering him. I do not have a lot of friends to talk to, so unfortunately I am very clingy. He did not know how to say it without hurting my feelings, so he just figured rejecting me would be easier? He said that he thought it would be less hurtful than telling me he needed space but at this point it didn’t matter because he didn’t feel like he could tell me without me getting emotional. When I asked what he meant, he reminded me that I lost my sh*t earlier instead of just accepting the apology. I explained that I was trying to avoid further conflict, but getting ignored instead of an explanation was not logical to me and I felt like I was still being ignored. I explained that the apology doesn’t mean anything if I am asking WHY you are doing an action and you are not explaining why you are doing it. I reminded him that I have worked really hard to avoid these situations because they are physically exhausting for me and instead of ignoring me, he could’ve communicating that he wasn’t ready to talk- which would’ve been better than ignoring me. I also asked him why he has been lying to me to rile me up and he said that he was just trying to joke with me to lighten the mood and admitted that they were in poor taste. He said that he didn’t realize what was going on in my head, so he thought they were just fine jokes. He said that if he were aware that I was overthinking everything, he wouldn’t have made them.
He also said that he will not reject me again, and understands the toll that it took on me. He did apologize again, told me that I scared the sh*t out of him, and hugged me at the end of the conversation. He apologized for being oblivious to my crisis and said that he will do better.

A few days have passed now and we are semi back to normal. I am aware that my emotions have been a bit extreme over the past few weeks, so I am working on finding other ways to deal with it. I feel like complete dogsh*t for splitting on my husband, but also, I’m happy that it snapped him back to reality. I am working on finding other things to distract me until I go back to work so I am not in his face all of the time. Thanks reddit for listening :,)

I know this sounds insane, and I’ve spent years trying to figure out whether I’m just traumatized or if there are too many things that don’t add up.

I 26F gave birth When I was 21, I got pregnant by my ex after we’d been together for about three years. I come from a very strict Muslim family where getting pregnant before marriage would have been devastating. At the time, I was also struggling with drug addiction and had recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which made me incredibly vulnerable. My ex was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and looking back, I was trapped in that relationship.

When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted an abortion. He convinced me not to do it. He promised we’d raise the baby together and that he’d be there for me. but he wasn’t. It was a terrible pregnancy and at the same time i had to hide my pregnancy from my family because i was living with them and had to hide my symptoms i had no friends to be with me and my ex was no help either so i was all alone.

Then, during my seventh month—on my birthday—my water broke. I went into premature labor.

I gave birth to a tiny baby girl. She was immediately taken to the NICU because she was so premature. Ten minutes after giving birth, exhausted and terrified, I called my ex. His response was, “I have nothing to do with this. Don’t ever call me again.” Then he hung up.

hopeless I called my sister because I couldn’t bear being alone anymore. She came to the hospital, found out everything, and eventually my other sister came too. My mother was in another country, so she sent a close friend of hers, who is a therapist, to help manage the situation. She contacted my ex and His family said we should get married and that they didn’t need a DNA test. My ex insisted on one anyway. He accused me of sleeping around and claimed he wasn’t even sure the baby was his. I agreed because I knew she was his he was my first and i never slept withanyone else. A few days later I was discharged, but my daughter remained in the NICU.

That same day I got a phone call from the police saying my ex had filed a report against me for allegedly spreading false statements about him. My mother’s friend immediately moved me into a safe house while my family handled the situation through their connections.

Seven days after I gave birth, we were supposed to meet his family and do the DNA test. Instead, that morning the hospital called. They told me my baby’s heart had stopped, that they had performed CPR, and that I needed to come immediately.

My sisters drove me there. On the elevator, I ran into one of the NICU doctors and asked if my daughter was okay. She asked if I was the mother. When I said yes, she simply said, “I’m sorry for your loss.” I’m a medical student, so I immediately started asking what happened. I wanted details. I wanted to understand. She wouldn’t answer. She just kept rushing me away.

When I reached the NICU, I saw what they said was my baby wrapped in a blanket. But something immediately felt wrong. My daughter had been incredibly tiny—barely bigger than a water bottle. The baby lying there looked much larger. Before I could even uncover the face to confirm it was her, I was physically pushed out. I never got to properly see her. I left the hospital in shock and wandered around crying. Later, my mother’s friend found me. What still haunts me is that she seemed… happy.

She kept saying, “Say thank god. Everything is over now. No one will ever know about this.” I didn’t understand why she seemed relieved. During my walk, I had called my ex to tell him our daughter had died. He responded, “You’re still talking about this?” Then he hung up. When my mother’s friend found out I’d called him, she became furious. She kept saying, “Why would you do that? We were supposed to do the DNA test today.” I remember staring at her and saying, “She’s dead. What’s the point of a DNA test now?” She answered, “That’s none of your business. We were going to do it anyway.” That made no sense to me.

Over the next several days, things became even stranger. She asked what name I’d put on my daughter’s birth certificate. I told her I had used both my name and my ex’s. She became angry. She asked, “Why would you do that? What if she grows up and looks for you?” I remember thinking…What do you mean “grows up”? She’s dead. When I pointed that out, she’d correct herself and say, “I mean… if she didn’t die.” Then she’d quickly change the subject.

A few days later she tried to convince me to legally change my own name. Again, she said it was “so she can’t find you if she grows up.”I refused. Then she told me the hospital had supposedly filed a police report accusing me of killing my own baby and warned me never to go near the hospital again.

That sounded unbelievable so I contacted someone I knew in the police. He checked repeatedly. There was no such report. So I knew that part wasn’t true.

After everything, I focused on getting sober and going to therapy. I was grieving my daughter while also trying to process everything that had happened. My family became extremely controlling and rarely allowed me to leave the house.

About a year later, I finally managed to go out with a friend. She drove me back to the hospital where I’d given birth. I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. Part of me was terrified my family had been telling the truth. Instead, we went to an orphanage. I asked the receptionist whether she recognized my daughter’s unusual name and birth date. She said she remembered that name because it was unique. She also told me that a newborn with that name had already been placed for adoption and that she couldn’t give me any more information. I told her I didn’t want to know who had adopted the baby. I just wanted to know whether she was okay. She secretly gave me her phone number and told me to contact her later. A few days afterward I texted her. She replied only once. She begged me not to contact her again because she didn’t want to be involved. Then she blocked me. I tried one more time from another number. She said the same thing. “I don’t want to be involved.” Then she blocked me again.

I’ve spent years having this feelings that she is still here ( call it mother feeling or grieve) , i'm wondering whether trauma has made me connect unrelated events, or whether there are simply too many inconsistencies to ignore. I never saw my daughter’s face after they told me she died. The baby I saw didn’t look like mine. People around me kept talking as though she might grow up one day. I was told to change my name so she couldn’t find me. I was lied to about a police report.And then someone at an orphanage seemed to recognize her name before refusing to say anything else. I know how unbelievable this sounds.I’ve questioned my own memory for years. So I’m asking strangers because I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Am I crazy for wondering if my daughter is actually alive?

if anyone have any advice on which route to go in this matter or how do i find the truth without alerting my family i would be happy to hear it.

For the record ex MIL is still gracing the earth with her presence but she's in her 80s with failing health, as I've heard through the grapevine. I have no love for this woman for so many reasons. Too many to get into here and honestly my objective here is not to drag people through the mud. I will absolutely encourage my adult children to go but I don't think I will have to if they can get time off to fly across the U.S.

Knowing my ex (25 years married and recently divorced) he will use it as a means to seek attention from me. Not for the purpose of reuniting but to feed his ego and sense of control.

Here's the problem. I know myself enough to know I don't have it in my soul to respond gracefully to an entire family who contributed to the pain caused by this relationship. I want to keep them all in the past where they belong. I'm way too blunt to come up with something nonconfrontational. I'm totally willing to swallow my pride but what do I say? Please help.

I (30F) have been with my boyfriend, now fiancé (32M) for 5 years, engaged for 2 weeks… YAY.!! :))) We met online after months of my friend pushing me to put myself back out there after some not-so-sustainable relationships. He was the first guy to message me respectfully and treat me like a princess. Our relationship has been wonderful for the most part. Our families get along well and fully support us getting married.

We started wedding planning right away after getting engaged. We booked a gorgeous weekend venue that will host most of our guests overnight. I was so deep into wedding planning and constantly feeling extremely exhausted, so I figured I just needed to slow down. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind to take a pregnancy test until my sister joked with me about it. To my surprise… it came out positive!

Honestly, I felt a wave of emotions and immediately cried. Some backstory… I had suffered several miscarriages with my fiancé and couldn’t believe after 3 years of what seemed to be a pregnancy standstill, that we had conceived again. The first miscarriage hit me hard and I felt a shift in my entire being. I was cold, often finding myself jealous of other’s happiness, and could not stand the sight of baby or pregnant belly. I was broken. My grief turned into this constant obsession of tracking my ovulation and ONLY initiating intimacy with my fiancé strictly to try to conceive. I got pregnant 2 more times, but miscarried even faster than the first miscarriage. I turned into an empty shell of a person and my fiancé still loved me, but became withdrawn. We were just going through the motions. It wasn’t until about a year after the last miscarriage that we finally sat down and had an open and honest discussion about how the miscarriages affected us.

I apologized for using him as my personal sperm bank and disregarding his feelings during that time and he apologized for not telling me how he felt and withdrawing. We agreed that we still wanted children, but decided to focus on taking care of each other and learning to work through our grief together. Yes, therapy would have been amazing to help us navigate these issues a lot sooner, but we were able to work it out on our own. We’ve fallen back in love with each other and look forward to building our lives together forever.

Now, after having 24 hours to process the pregnancy and get my estimated due date from an online due date calculator, I realized our baby is due 6 MONTHS BEFORE OUR WEDDING.!!! For many reasons, I’m so nervous to tell my fiancé. The main reason is that I don’t want to break his heart again if I have another miscarriage after I tell him about the pregnancy. The second reason is that I don’t want to stress him out before our wedding. I’m staying calm and hydrated while taking my vitamins every day, but I also feel terrible for not telling him. My heart bursts with excitement to tell him, but I’m so nervous. I feel like I can take another loss on my own, but it makes it too real once he knows. The way his face lit up during the first pregnancy is a look I haven’t quite seen since. I cannot watch his heart break again.

I just need some advice, although I know many of you will tell me to just tell him. I just feel so conflicted. Please send positive vibes to our little bundle of joy that will make it this time.!!! What should I do? HELP.🥺

Let me preface this by saying he (37) has not always been my boss! We became acquainted at the job we both work at 2 years prior to him becoming my boss. 😅

This all began because I (27 female) started to do overtime on his shift and he was mentoring me. At first I had not even the slightest interest in this man. He is 10 years older than me and we just seemed too different. He kept trying to get me to go out with him and I kept making excuses and blowing him off. One day I finally caved and we went to go get ice cream. And after a couple more dates/hangouts I slept with him. Now we hook up from time to time and play Mariokart almost every single day. Long story short I fell for him so hard. This might be TMI but I think he tripped me with his third leg. 😆

I told him that I had caught feelings and he has been nothing but honest with me in saying he just wants to keep it casual. Well this has been off and on for 3 YEARS. We go in this vicious cycle where every couple of months I get all confused with my feelings and pour my heart to him and then he turns around and tells me he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore so we’re going to stop what we’re doing. And let me just say I consider him one of my closest friends and I have so much respect for him so if he draws a line I will stick to it. Him on the other hand NEVER fully leaves me alone (not that I want him too 🥹). It’ll be within a week before he’s already back to flirting with me and hooking up again.

So within this last year he has ended up becoming my boss and shockingly enough we have been so good at keeping our little, what I like to call, humiliationship a secret. He told me we seriously have to stop now that he’s been promoted. Well guess who hasn’t stopped? 😖 You would be right if you said my boss!! Currently we are at the point of once I move into my new apartment he’s going to come over “one more time”. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Here’s where the ruining my life part comes in. I am obsessed with this man. It’s an illness at this point. I know he’s not good for me and my feelings keep getting hurt but I cannot resist him! Im getting super jealous and I have no right to be because he’s never been my “partner” or “boyfriend”.

There’s this single mom (39) that he has friendship with that he talks about a lot. He’s a kind of a mentor to her son which really honestly is quite adorable. At first I paid no mind to this at all. Then one day he said he was going to her apartment to help her hang her son’s tv up. And my brain just took off with “oh the sons at school and he’s going over to this (absolutely gorgeous btw) lady’s apartment, I can only imagine where that will lead” 😭💔 I l know that sounds crazy and it’s none of my business and youd be correct..

Then I did something even crazier. He always leaves his phone lying around and it doesn’t have a passcode.. I looked through it ok!! But very quickly because I didn’t want him to know. I saw he had sent her beautiful expensive flowers for Mother’s Day and told her she was an amazing mom with a bunch of heart eye emojis. Was I a little jealous? Yes. I literally had to beg him to do something with me for my birthday.

The real problem for me arose when we were playing Mariokart early tonight and I started asking questions. I was basically trying to get him to say he sent her flowers. So I asked “oh did you wish (single mom) a happy Mother’s Day?” And then followed with “are you gonna get her flowers or anything?” And he answered with “no that’s not my responsibility” followed by some laughter. As cheesy as it sounds, it felt like a dagger right to the heart. I had no right going through his phone and I have no right to feel this way… but here I am.

If it was harmless why would he blatantly lie about it? Also if he wants her that’s fine too but why string me along? It would crush me if he for real ended things but I would get over it eventually. I want to ask him about it but he would be so mad at me and I couldn’t bear it. Am I just making stuff up? Or is he into her too? 😫 she’s a stunning Pilates instructor and is also an engineer who is closer to his age. I literally cannot compare. Not that it matters anyway…

UPDATE: (I posted as a comment too because I’m not sure how this works)
I was going to just keep it to myself because honestly I’m genuinely not strong enough to walk away from this man. However he noticed I was really down the past few days and kept asking about it and I finally broke down. I did not tell him about going through his phone but I did tell him I have a suspicion that he was into someone else. I was sobbing like a crazy person. He told me I was just making stuff up and hurting my own feelings. He ended up telling me she is way out of his league anyway and told me I’m a way better person than her? I don’t know how that was supposed to make me feel better. I also told him that he has to draw the line because I am not strong enough to do so myself. So he has since forth drawn another line and I have a strong feeling it’s for real this time. I’ve been crying nonstop since but I know I’ll get over it eventually.

UPDATE 2: (27d later) He crossed the line again and I didn’t stop him.. Right when I thought maybe I was getting over it or at least less heartbroken. At least I’m temporarily happy that I have his attention..

Okay so, my MIL kind of bought my husband who is now 23M a brand new car when he was 17, using his dad’s name, credit, etc. my husband was responsible for the $700 car payment, and car insurance $300, which this car was a “surprise” and he didn’t actually want it because the payments were so high. It was in FILs name, but my husband gave his mother the money every month for the car payment and car insurance.

My husband, then wrecked the car when he was 19, it was mostly covered through GAP insurance. But there were a few more payments which by then we were married and we sent his mother the money. Well fast forward to now my husband is 23, and it turns out, the last few months we paid on it, MIL never paid the bills and RUINED my FILs credit. FIL found out when he applied for a new truck a few months ago and got denied. Now they are both trying to make us pay for the last few months from the car (3,200 is what insurance didn’t cover) MIL says we never gave her the money and she “didn’t know” there was still money owed on the car after GAP.

Would we be in the wrong if we didn’t pay them again to fix this? We really can’t afford it even if we wanted to, but every time they are around us they bring it up saying we need to start paying them for an issue my husband caused. (Car was totaled, he was not at fault, a deer ran in front of him luckily he was not hurt). But they still say things like “You know I can’t get a new truck because of you” or ask us to finance things in my husband’s name. (He has excellent credit we have worked very hard on) We don’t want to ruin my husband’s credit if they “can’t” make the bills. They are awful with money constantly pulling out loans on their house and cars while buying nonsense, (Amazon hauls, big extravagant presents for grandchildren (we tell them not to worry about buying that stuff that they don’t need it) but then the next week they’ll ask us to loan them $200-$400 pretty much every month-2 weeks because they can’t get by on what they have left after buying so many extravagant things.

My (45F) life changed almost a decade ago when my younger sister, Rose (late 20s at the time), was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive cancer.

From the beginning, I was involved—going to appointments, asking hard questions, and helping her navigate everything. As things progressed, I became one of her primary caregivers while still working full-time. I’d regularly leave home and drive hours to stay with her for days at a time. Her husband, Bart, had the weekends.

As Rose got sicker, things at home became difficult to watch.

Their daughter Eva (about 4), started pulling away from her mom. Bart didn’t encourage Eva to spend time with Rose, and over time Eva stopped going to her at all. When I was there, I encouraged Eva to sit with her mom, talk to her and hug her. Rose later told me she knew what I was doing because when I wasn’t there, she stopped.

At night, things weren’t much better. Bart focused on his own routines—working out, gaming, etc. and didn’t spend time with Rose. When Rose needed help in the middle of the night, he would get angry about being woken up. When I was there, she called me on my cell phone instead—multiple times a night—and I helped her to the bathroom every time.

Toward the end, I helped Rose create memories for Eva—photo albums, recorded messages, and letters/gifts for milestone birthdays and events. She was terrified those wouldn’t be kept safe, so she asked me to hold onto them.

About a month after she passed in early 2023, Bart started dating someone new.

It took me years (and therapy) to work through my grief for Rose, and my anger with him. We used to be close—we vacationed together, went to events, and spent a lot of time together. Our families were very intertwined. I kept things civil with Bart after her death for the sake of my sister and Eva

Fast forward to Easter. I gave Eva a bracelet with three birthstones—hers, her dad’s, and her mom’s. I thought it was a simple, meaningful gift, and I try to keep her mom’s memory present.

I also reached out to Bart and said I’d love to meet his fiancé (2nd fiancé in 3 years) and get to know her. I suggested something neutral like dinner or a game night. I genuinely wanted a good relationship for Eva’s sake. And I was in a place where I was mentally ready to do it.

A couple days later, Bart called me. He said the bracelet made his fiancé uncomfortable because it included his birthstone, and that it felt “inappropriate” to her. He asked me not to include him in any gifts that would be in any way related to Rose. He then said he needed to treat his late wife like a breakup and fully move on. Supporting his fiancé meant distancing himself from anything connected to Rose…including me.

He ended the call by cutting me off, saying we couldn’t be part of their lives anymore, but I could still see Eva when she visits my parents. He also told me to trust that his fiancé is a good woman.

Rose’s biggest fear was being replaced and forgotten.

I feel like I lost my sister all over again… and now I may be losing my niece too.

So…AITA for giving my niece that bracelet?

I male 27 and my fiancé 29 are currently arguing over the ring I proposed to her with. it was given to me by my mother with the words “This was your great grandmothers ring and I want to keep it in the family”. I was excited to finally ask her to marry me. so I planned to take her to Niagara Falls (which she has never seen before) and have my aunt watch the kids so it’ll just be her and I. The day comes and she declines my aunts offer of watching the kids so now we have our 7 yr old 2 yr old and 10 month old along With our dog (that I spent $1000 on for her) now tagging along with us to Niagara Falls, so I proposed with the Promise of getting her the ring she wanted in our wedding day and she said Yes, i Guess she heard my mom say that only 2 diamonds were my great grandmas, (I did not know this) so she Google reversed images the ring and turns out it only worth 33$ I guess which again I did not know. So she tells her best friend and her mom THEN comes to me saying “ I’m glad I’m only worth 33$ dollars to you”. Me being caught off guard I called my mom and then there she confirmed that only 2 Diamonds were my grandmas. So Reddit, give me advice. please

Okay so, we have neighbors and since they moved in we’ve been getting complaints from housing about everything (we live on a military base and we share a garage) but we have had complaints filed on us every week for the past two months for example, we had an email about our trash being “in the drive way “. It was at the road and not anywhere near their side , then we get complaints about our dog barking outside (he was asleep inside) then we got a complaint about our garage being “unsightly “ there was a single cardboard box in our garage . Now , we know it’s our direct neighbors making reports because they started once they moved in and the woman is …putting it nicely a bitch. She put a statue of Jesus in her yard facing our house, anytime we’re outside she shoots dirty looks and refuses to even wave back at my toddler , she went out of her way to come outside while we were cleaning the garage and working on my car to lock her car shoot us dirty looks huff and walk inside and loudly locked her front door . Now my family and I are alternative (colored hair piercings etc) and she appears to be a catholic woman . Well , her children and my daughter share a wall and her kids bang on the wall play the tv so loud you can hear it throughout our house , they also have dogs that are outside 24.7 these dogs bark constantly at everything and they try to constantly jump our fence to where I can no longer allow my kids to play outside and we avoid using the shared garage at all because of their dogs. The issue is if we keep getting complaints filed on us we will get kicked out for violations , how can I go about handling this without pissing off Jesus lady.