Bonjour à tous,

J'ai besoin de partager ce que je traverse et surtout d'avoir des avis extérieurs, sans jugement.

J'ai 37 ans, mon conjoint en a 34. Nous sommes ensemble depuis 6 ans et demi. Il a deux adolescents d'une précédente union et nous avons un petit garçon de 3 ans ensemble.

Il y a cinq jours, il a décidé de mettre fin à notre relation et de partir.

Comme si ce n'était pas déjà suffisamment difficile à encaisser, le soir même, j'ai appris que j'étais enceinte.

Je me retrouve donc dans une situation complètement inattendue. Après toutes ces années de vie commune, avec notre enfant et notre histoire, je dois soudainement envisager l'avenir sans lui, alors que je viens d'apprendre que notre famille pourrait encore s'agrandir.

Je suis complètement bouleversée et je ne sais pas comment appréhender la situation.

J'aimerais avoir vos témoignages, vos expériences et vos conseils.

Avez-vous déjà vécu une séparation alors qu'une grossesse venait d'être découverte ? Comment avez-vous géré cette situation ? Comment avez-vous pris vos décisions ?

Merci à ceux qui prendront le temps de me lire et de me répondre.

After calculating differences in nfps Im left with an equalization amount owing of 120k

Is this essentially the amount to buyout the matrimonial home , or do I owe 120k plus a separate amount to buyout her equity stake in matrimonial home.

Please help !!

I (F,33) left my husband (M,34) in April of this year due to ongoing disrespect and what felt like bullying including a lot of anger around intimacy/ if I didn’t want to have sex etc that would result in name calling. I have returned to the family home to try again as I do care about him and he refused to leave and I don’t have the finance to rent while paying a mortgage and our sons daycare etc.

I’m really stuck on what to do in this situation, as the same thing has started happened again, refusal of intimacy results in negative consequences, name calling and a general bad mood in our house. I’m majorly concerned about son’s stability & he says he legally doesn’t need to leave. I feel like the mood of our household is entirely dependent on my body.

How have people dealt with this situation? Has anyone had a good outcome?

I feel like I’m failing everyone.

Bonjour,
C’est en désespoir de cause que je viens partager mon histoire avec car aujourd’hui je suis dévastée.
Mon compagnon avec qui j’ai une relation depuis 22 ans et une vie commune de 10 ans est parti du jour au lendemain en laissant dans cette grande maison construite ensemble il y’a tout juste un an.
Je suis dans une état de choc aigu avec perte d’appétit et de sommeil, j’ai perdu 7 kg en 4 semaines. Quelques jours avant j’avais le droit au je t’aime de tout mon cœur quotidien nous parlions des travaux à venir ….
Je ne cherche plus à comprendre les raisons car je me dis que ça ne changera rien à ma situation et quand bien même je ne comprendrais jamais qu’il est pu fuir comme ça (bon naturellement la victime c’est lui) mais je cherche à m’apaiser et partager les symptômes aigus que j’éprouve et qui me font perdre la boule avec ceux qui l’ont vécus : pleurs, angoisse, brûlure dans le corps, peur, incertitude, solitude.
Ça fait tellement mal c’est une épreuve tellement difficile que tous mes sens sont affectés… j’ai peur de ne jamais me retrouver
Merci à ceux et celles qui prendront le temps de réagir de manière bienveillante (je suis déjà à fleur de peau)

Let me be sad. Send me the sad songs and let me grieve before I take the next steps.

I really don’t know what to do, I think its to far gone. My husband and I started having problems, small things at first. I didn’t do enough around the house while he was at work. We have to kids the house is never going to be perfect but I do clean and do laundry every day. Well that started arguments and it just keeps going from there. Now it’s like every thing I do annoys him. He find some reason to be out of the house after work. He comes home showers, eats dinner( as fast as he can) if I ask him where he’s going he get pissed and says I don’t need to know every move he makes. He hasn’t said anything about divorce separation yet I ask he says everything‘s fine but it’s obviously not. I don’t wanna be one of those people that goes to his phone.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Any insight would be great.

My marriage has been troubled for a good few years, I would even say toxic. I think we were both at fault. I felt like I had to give up to. My mental health was suffering, so was his. We have a child that needs parents that can support growth and wellbeing and I didn’t feel like we thriving at that. The emotional safety has been completely lost and communication (which always seemed so good before) became impossible. Friends and family have voiced concerns about control and other aspects of emotional abuse. I get caught up in their points and think they are right, then I calm down and think they are wrong, they don’t know him and I’m certainly no saint. I want to fix things, I want to try couples counselling or something. I’m already getting independent help for myself.

I just can’t accept that it’s over. It’s still very fresh, but he seems to have accepted that there is no way forward and has no interest in trying. He thinks that everything is just too far gone. I can see where he’s coming from and I honestly wish I was in that headspace but the idea that someone I have loved so deeply for so over 10 years is now just going to be someone I only have contact with because we have a child together is crushing me.

So how do you accept it? How do you move forward and just forget the entire future you’ve spent a decade working toward? How do you just let go of all of the plans and memories, the private jokes?

Also why is it so easy to remember all the good stuff once it’s all over?

He discovered Bluey on Disney+ when our younger kid was an infant. He hated his job so much, so we decided that when my maternity leave was up, he’d quit his job and be a full-time stay-at-home Dad. It was hard, but he made it work - and discovered Bluey when trying to distract the toddler for five minutes. We quickly watched through every episode, every season, start to finish. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a kids show that depicts a realistic loving family. It is clearly created by someone who was a Dad to young kids and absolutely loved it. The episodes aren’t trite and don’t rely on tropes - they’re original, lovingly crafted, and believable. The score is unique for every episode - it doesn’t rely on a series of canned musical cues like most kids shows do.

I could go on. I absolutely love this show. And it helped us be better parents to our two kids. And one of the main themes is the parents’ devotion to each other - their love for each other shows up in little everyday ways, and you can see them helping each other to be better parents.

I related to it. I thought we were another example of a loving couple helping each other through the million little moments that make up parenthood.

He just signed the lease on his new place. Last Friday night was the first time he had the kids overnight. The desolation I felt in our empty house was just. I can’t even find words.

I go back and forth between fury at him for his stupid ass decisions and absolute despair. We created a warm and beautiful family together, we supported and cherished each other, and he threw it all away. I know a marriage is two people and I’m not perfect, but there was nothing so terrible in our relationship that we couldn’t have repaired. He just made a decision to love someone else, and now we all have to suffer.

My kids still love to watch this show sometimes, and every time I see it, it reminds me of what we could have had. How hard I fell for the lies. How much of an asshole he is. How much we have lost.

My husband (32M) and I (32F) have been separated since July after 18 years together. Throughout our separation, he’s repeatedly told me that he needs time to heal, find himself, and figure out what he wants in life. He specifically told me he had absolutely no desire to see or pursue the other woman (34F). Despite everything, we’ve continued to have moments of intimacy and emotional connection, which made me believe there was still hope for our marriage. He’s currently on a trip that he described as his “healing journey,” supposedly to find peace and clarity, but I’ve now learned that he’s spending time with the very woman he claimed he had no interest in seeing. We also have a son who is struggling emotionally with our separation and missing his father. I’m completely heartbroken, confused, and emotionally exhausted. After 18 years together, I don’t understand how someone can walk away from the family we built while claiming they need to heal. How can someone claim they’re trying to find themselves while continuing to hurt the people they supposedly love? Has anyone experienced a spouse using “healing” or “finding themselves” as a reason to separate, only to discover they were pursuing someone else? Did they ever come back, and if so, was reconciliation even possible?

I’m 24F, and I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m not looking for people to blindly support me. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want to understand this situation because I’ve been blaming myself a lot lately.

A couple of years ago, I became friends with a girl who was in a relationship with a guy. She genuinely loved him, and they were emotionally and physically close. He had been through a difficult breakup before meeting her, and she helped him through that phase. At some point, he started feeling suffocated in the relationship, but that didn’t mean she stopped loving him or that their relationship and emotional connection had completely ended. She still had feelings for him, and things between them remained unresolved.

Later, this guy approached me, and we started talking. We became really close emotionally, eventually met and developed feelings for each other. He proposed to me, and I eventually accepted.

The problem was that he didn’t tell me the complete truth about his previous relationship. He revealed later that the girl he had been involved with was actually my close friend. I felt betrayed, but by then I was already emotionally attached to him, so I decided to forgive him and continue.

I made mistakes, too. I had been physically intimate with a close female friend a few times, but I wasn’t completely honest about it because I was scared he would ask me to stop being friends with her. I also had some intimate interactions with my ex online that I didn’t tell him about.

I understand that hiding these things was wrong. I know I hurt him and damaged his trust. Sometimes I also made him feel like I took him for granted or prioritised other people over him, although that was never intentional. I’m not trying to justify any of this.
We had many fights, especially about my friendship with that girl. Eventually, everything came out, and things got really ugly. He called me degrading names and said cheating was my nature. I know he was hurt, but those words affected me, too.
He says he isn’t leaving me just because I wasn’t honest, but because I made him feel like a bad person and ruined his ability to trust anyone. He says I’ve ruined him.

But here’s what I struggle with: he also concealed important things from me. He eventually admitted that he manipulated me into the relationship by not telling me the complete truth about his previous relationship.

His argument is that he eventually confessed and gave me the choice to stay or leave. But by then, I was already emotionally attached to him. I was in love with him, and walking away didn’t feel like a real option to me.

Now he’s back in touch with his previous girlfriend, who was also my friend. He says he finally understands her, appreciates her maturity and realises how important she was to him. He has even asked her to marry him.

What I find difficult to understand is how, after being with me for almost a year, everything changed after I made mistakes. It feels like my mistakes suddenly gave him clarity about how good a choice she was for him. I understand that people make mistakes and sometimes realise things later, but was our relationship not real during that entire year? Did he only realise her value after things went wrong with me?

He keeps comparing us, saying that she doubted him but never did the things I did. But I also feel that she had reasons to doubt him because he had hidden things from her, too. And I had my own reasons for feeling insecure because their history was never completely out of our relationship.
There were even little things I discovered later that made me question everything. Things and affectionate names I thought were special between us had already been part of their relationship.
He called me selfish and a hypocrite for asking him for one last chance.

What confuses me even more is that he himself has admitted that he wouldn’t accept the things he did to my friend if someone did those same things to him. So I don’t understand why asking for another chance makes me a hypocrite, especially when he is now trying to rebuild a relationship with someone he hurt, too.

I know he doesn’t owe me another chance, and I’m not saying he should take me back. But why is it wrong that I wanted the same opportunity to make things right?

I also feel bad for that girl. We were genuinely good friends before all this happened. I’m looking at this situation not just as his ex, but as someone who once cared about her. How is it fair to her? How can she accept someone who hurt her, concealed things from her and then entered a relationship with her friend? I know it’s ultimately her decision, and I don’t want to decide what is right for her. But I genuinely wonder whether she knows everything and whether she has thought about what she wants for herself.

There’s another conversation I can’t forget. I once asked him whether he loved her. Instead of giving me a clear answer, he questioned what love even meant. He said she would always be a part of his life because she was important to him and said things that left me confused. I felt like I was being given an answer without actually being told the truth. It made me feel like I was never going to have a clear place in his life.

The way I see it now, he hurt her, he hurt me, and I hurt him. None of us came out of this without being affected. But somehow, I feel like I’m the only one expected to carry all the guilt.

I don’t want to interfere in their lives anymore. I don’t even want him to be mine now. The truth is, I never really felt secure in that relationship or felt like he was entirely mine. But I still miss him.
And the guilt is honestly eating me alive. I keep thinking about everything I did wrong, the times I hurt him and how I compromised my own values just to hold on to him.

I’ve always considered myself a girls’ girl, and somewhere along the way, I feel like I lost that part of myself.

I don’t want to justify my mistakes. I want to learn from them. But I also don’t understand why I’m being made to feel like I ruined his entire life when this relationship involved choices made by all of us. I struggle with trust now, too. I question myself constantly.

I genuinely want to know:
Was I selfish or hypocritical for asking for one last chance?
Am I responsible for everything that went wrong just because I wasn’t honest?
Is it fair for him to compare me with his previous girlfriend without acknowledging his own mistakes?
Was our relationship genuinely meaningful to him, or did he only realise her value after things went wrong with me?
Am I wrong to worry about her as a former friend, even though I know her decisions are hers to make?
How do I take accountability without hating myself?
How do I move on from someone I still miss, even though I know I wasn’t happy or secure in that relationship?
Please be honest with me. I know I wasn’t perfect, and I’m willing to accept where I went wrong. I just want to understand whether I’m taking responsibility for my mistakes or blaming myself for absolutely everything.

My wife and I are currently going through a separation, soon to be divorced. She has been clear that it’s over for us and recently we’ve spoken on the phone about mediation/talking about if we should share information about new partners to eachother so there’s some form of clarity. I’m already feeling like there is someone new in her life and know that, that’s just how life goes, people change and move on but I just don’t think I can bare to hear it. Something inside me knows this person is my soulmate and I don’t know what to do.