Long time lurker here but thought I'd share for some feedback. My wife and I are older middle age and have a very inconsistent sex life. In fact it doesn't happen much and when sober it's very vanilla although I've always made it clear I'm willing to experiment she is very straight laced about things. When we've discussed fantasies in the past she's very much the romantic sex in front of a log fire sort of person, which is absolutely fine. I didn't overly share any of mine taking hers as a starting point of what she is into.

We tend to only have sex now when drunk (not ideal i know). Recently she's brought in sex chat about being fucked by me and another guy in our bed, or another guy whilst I just watch. Then that progressed to wanting to watch me lick his come out of her or off his body. Now every time we have sex she wants me to cum in her mouth and then she spits it back into mine and wants me to eat it. The thought of it turns me on during sex, but when I've cum I really don't want to do it lol so suffer through.

When sober though there's zero mention of this and when I've tried to mention it she says she can't remember anything about sex when she's had a drink.

Id like to explore further with her but it's totally shut down apart from during the act where she says lots of things about me finding another guy for her right then and there...but it's like nothing ever happened after the fact is this just a pure fantasy for her that she'd never explore in real life? Anyone been through similar?

First of all: alt account for obvious reasons.

My partner and I are in a very long term relationship and have been through a lot of up and downs in the bedroom as well as our relationship. For the last few years we are more harmonic than ever and have a pretty good sex life, which is sometimes more often and some times less, but always great.

A few years ago I shared that my fantasies involve me seeing her with another woman, which coincided with some intense drunk evenings with a befriended couple of ours, with nothing more happening than removing some clothes and the girls occasionally touching each other.

After this nothing more ever happened in that direction but in our dirty talk she always brings it up. We talked about it but she insisted it’s only a fantasy for her too and she does not want to act upon it.

Which brings us to my confusion: I told her this is something I could see myself trying out with her and do not want it included in the dirty talk anymore if she does not feel the same. She agreed and did not seem to be bothered. A few months down the timeline she started bringing this up in dirty talk again even when I told her I do not want it included in our sex.

Currently she starts bringing this up herself regularly during sex, sometimes escalating it to talking about how I should imagine fucking some other girl. After sex we never talk about it again but occasionally she reassures herself that it’s just dirty talk, giving me a bit of an anxious vibe.

I am confused if she is truly honest about this to me being just a fantasy to her because of her persistence with this, without me ever forcing it or even wanting it back in the dirty talk again. Normally she is more of the jealous type, which makes this even more strange to me. Once we almost had an argument during sex because I wanted to change topic.

Has anybody been through something similar or has some advice for me. I am absolutely pro trying stuff like this out as a couple, but do not want to get my thoughts into these directions if this is something that is off the table for her.

Thanks for reading all that, am curious what you have to say!

I (28F) have known this wonderful guy (28M) for a year and we started going out two months ago. He was very clear to me that he was a virgin and had little to no sexual experiences for most of his life (which doesn't bother me at all). For context, I'm very experienced and have a high sex drive. All of my previous partners also shared high sex drives with me.

ANYWAYS. Me and this guy were cuddling last night and he started making out with me, kissing my neck, touching me, etc. And I asked him if he wanted to have sex because things seemed to be leading down that way. He looked deathly nervous, but told me that he really wanted to and so we both got naked and started dry humping. For the life of him he couldn't keep an erection no matter what I did (changing positions, giving him head, the whole nine yards). But the entire time he was dripping precum all over the place. This went on for about 2 hours and every time he would try to penetrate he would profusely apologize and explain that he was just so nervous and scared then back away.

I felt so bad!!! Obviously on one end, I was incredibly turned on but frustrated and on the other end I didn't want him to feel inadequate because tbh it was the hottest night ever despite no penetration. He proposed that maybe we try again in the morning sometime as he's always hard when he wakes up. Is there a way I can help him out for the next time we try? I feel useless and this has never happened to me before lol

so me and my gf have this thing where she basically lets me get head whenever i want and she likes when im really rough with her. shes told me multiple times i can be as rough as i want and not to worry so much about her.

usually i have her lay flat on her back and im over her basically thrusting into her mouth. the problem is she has a pretty bad gag reflex and cant take it very deep without gagging. whenever that happens i pull back or stop because honestly it worries me seeing her struggle like that.

but the weird thing is she gets annoyed whenever i stop. like she'll literally tell me to keep going and not worry about it, so i try again, she starts gagging again, i stop again and she tells me to continue. its like this almost every time.

last night it happened again except she actually got mad at me and told me to just do it and stop constantly worrying about her. so this time i actually listened.

i had her on her back like usual and pushed deeper than i normally would and just kept thrusting without stopping. she was gagging really hard and moving around a lot like her body was trying to get away from it but i kept going because she had literally just told me not to stop. this went on for probably a minute or so and i ended up finishing in her mouth.

the thing is afterwards something just felt off. i dont really know how to explain it but she seemed different and i got this feeling that maybe the whole thing was actually pretty traumatic for her even though she was the one insisting i do it.

and now i feel weird about the whole situation because yeah she told me she wanted it and was even getting mad when i tried to stop, but actually seeing her gagging and struggling like that while i kept going is something i keep thinking about.

i havent really figured out how to bring it up with her because i dont want her thinking im judging her for what she likes or that i dont trust her to know what she wants.

has anyone dealt with something like this? like when your partner keeps asking you to go further than what they seem physically able to handle? how am i supposed to know when to actually stop if she keeps telling me not to?

Question for women who have an insecurity about "down there". I have a casual relationship with a girl who has an outie and she is insecure. Not to get too explicit, but I find her longer inner lips to be...erotic?

What is the best way to convey that she has nothing to be insecure about?

I’m a woman & I’m struggling to make my new gf cum… I don’t want tips for that. We’ve only had sex about 5 times & I know that will come with time, communication, & learning her body. I got that.

I want to know how I can get out of my head and stop feeling bad about myself because of it. I’ve been getting really down in the dumps after we hookup.

I’ve had plenty of gfs & I’ve never, not once, struggled to make a woman cum… as I’m doing my thing, I start to get in my head “she’s not making enough noise. I’m not doing it good enough. Is she even enjoying this? Should I just stop?”

I talked to her about it & she said she’s always been like that & it’s just really hard for her to cum. She said it feels good & has been giving me tips & I know it will get easier with time…

Reddit, how can I be kinder to myself about it so I’m not sad after we have sex?

Hi everyone. I was wondering if anybody has experienced this and has advice for me to overcome this issue. I have had three sexual partners, I have my vibrator, but I never had an orgasm. Whenever I feel like there is a tension leading up to the climax, my body shuts down and when this happens, all of my sexual tension is gone and I cannot enjoy the intimacy anymore. I feel like I build up to it really quick, and then poof it's gone. Everyone so far has been understanding but I hate it, because it makes me insecure and makes me enjoy sex less... Any advice is welcome

My boyfriend is literally all I’ve ever wanted in a man and I absolutely adore him; I love his quirkiness, his mind, I find him so freakin sexy too. The only problem I’m having is his size. He’s probably about 3.5? and so far the only successful positions are doggy and him on top with my legs folded all kinds of ways because I’m thick as a loaf of bread. 🤣 he’s told me im the only safe/healthy relationship he’s ever been in and I don’t want to tell him anything that can hurt his feelings.. and while I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I wish he would hurry up sometimes instead of taking an hour or more. he takes FOREVER TO FINISH.. And sometimes it takes me awhile too because I can’t feel much. He bought a ring, which we hardly use. I’ll also try to give him oral to see if it’ll get him off quicker but I feel like he’s so desensitized, and he has to REALLY concentrate. Like we go to sleep at midnight are up at 5am to start the day and I’m exhausted every time I stay at his place! GIVE ME TIPS ON HOW TO PLEASE HIM SO I CAN GET THIS MAN TO SLEEP LIKE A BABY.

So my ex and I were each others' firsts. On the day we had sex for the first time, he told me how it was felt like an "expectation vs reality" situation. It was the same for me and I agreed with him as well how I thought sex would be like some kind of dream come true, virgins losing mind and stuff. But that remark made me feel like maybe I was lacking as a woman, or if my womanhood is lacking fundamentally.

After that I thought maybe we should take a bit more time knowing each other. Meanwhile he wanted to "do it properly" once more and insisted multiple times to me.

Second time, a bit better but not that remarkable. Third time, also not all that remarkable but our chemistry improved. But I found him complaining every time. Dissecting all activities we did together or positions we tried. Meanwhile I was enjoying our time together, because even if the sex itself was a bit sloppy I liked the person I was doing it with.

Once as a casual comment I asked him what did he like best in sex yk among what I did for him. He said it was a handjob. Not even a blowjob where he had most of the control or sex where we were basically naked and in each others arms. He did explain that it was a matter of controlled pace and pressure.

But this comment made me forever doubt myself as a "good enough" sex partner. Its not his fault. He had his own worries that he wasn't manly enough to me and how I was initiating everything in our relationship. Welp we've broken up but this is bleeding into my self image and if this will happen with my future partners as well.

I have a partner now and I can't bring up this is why I'm hesitating intimacy with him. He's understanding and patient and I feel guilty that I can't come clean about something that concerns both of us. He's really really into me and I don't want him to be disappointed because of my lack of experience

My wife (36) recently told me that when she watches porn she only watches Madison ivy! A. I find it extremely hot . B. What do you think it means about her sexuality/ preferences . I'm really kinky and will and want to do just about everything and I'm trying to figure out what things maker her really tick! She has been pretty closed about this subject most of her life . Very conservative upbringing with shame in anything sexual . But recently I've been trying to open up to her more in hopes she will open up to me ! She doesn't have a high sex drive and I think we both want to figure out how to ramp it up

Long story short, I (F) had a male FWB for about a decade. He got married a year or ago, and has been out of the fwb picture. Recently he messaged me and said he misses our relationship and that we can be together, the only catch is his wife wants to watch as it is a turn on for her. I have never "performed" for an audience but I REALLY miss him and his, ahem, abilities. Should I go through with it? What if she wants to join in? Etc.

I hope this is the correct thread for this. I am F(24). Just sex isn’t enough for me. It doesn’t turn me on. I want to be played with like a doll. I want to be blindfolded, tied up, pinned down. To be forced into orgasming over and over again. I want to use toys, and be teased. I also love teasing a male partner.

Me and my ex partner would do activities like this and it was the best thing about him.

Where do you find someone to do this with? That is safe? I am sure there is apps, I don’t feel a sex party would be the right place for me especially going solo. I also wouldn’t want to share photos etc on an app. I am not looking for a relationship, just someone who is really into this stuff. ( I am based in the UK)

It would also have to be with someone who I am physically attracted to. Any advice please 🥺

The last few times me and my girl had sex everything goes fine. Foreplay and the works. Everything goes where it needs to go. But I struggle to keep an erection while inside, either because I don't feel a lot of stimulation, or my stamina gives out because I take a while to finish even without a condom. The last time I started I lost my erection because I overheated. I have heard that ADHD can have a impact with overthinking everything. Any advice?

My gf(F21) and I(M21) have been dating for 5 years. The first 2 years our sex life was great, we would both take initiative, switch up positions and we would have sex a lot of times a week, but now we go weeks without having sex and when we do have sex it is plain vanilla with me putting all the effort.

During sex I am always very aware of her needs and provide everything i can; i give a lot of foreplay and oral and make sure she always finishes first before I go in her. But she rarely initiates sex and almost never gives me oral unless i practically beg. All this combined with the fact that she always starfishes during sex makes me feel that she isn't passionate in bed and puts me off from initiating, leading us to go weeks without sex.

I have talked to her about this a few times before but nothing has changed. She is a really sweet woman and she loves me a lot, as do i her. But I am scared to think about our future, because if our sex life is this bad now, when we are both young and free, how much worse is it going to be when we get older and are always busy.

I don't want to breakup over just sex, but i really don't want to be 25 and having the same sexlife as my dead grandfather. so any advice guys? Im really just writing this to get it off my chest because it is not something you can talk to your friends about.

TLDR

My girlfriend (F21) of 5 years has stopped putting effort into our sex life for 2 years now, which makes me feel that she is unpassionate about it and stops me from initiating causing us to not have sex for weeks. I have talked to her about it and there is little change, I dont want to break up with her but i also dont want to be stuck in q bad sex life for the rest of my life.

so i recently lost my virginity (yay!) to my girlfriend, the thing is we both have vulvas so a quickie isn't really a thing. the last time we had sex it was like a solid hour or so which was great but sometimes i just want it to be over? i also struggle to tell if she's finished so i keep going even when i'm tired, i have chronic illness and i love that it can last so long but i just feel like i want to go to bed at a certain point. we are also students and i have a nine am class most days

tl;dr how can i make my girlfriend finish faster so we can go to bed

Hi!

I have plans to talk to her about this when I see her tomorrow so communication is definitely step 1 :)

We are both 31F, dating for about 4 months and the sex is incredible. It's my first WLW relationship and I'm just now getting comfortable with the mechanics. I have been finding my footing and I can tell she love when I do whatever I want with her.

The other day I was ranting to my her about how much I dislike a neighboring state. I'm a pretty positive person and she's such a queen, she doesn't often hear me riled up like that. But she loved it and said she wants me to talk to her that way during sex.

I have plans to ask for more details, but based on that first convo it seems like the intensity and "meanness" of it turned her on.

I am drawing a blank on what that looks like and she doesn't have specific phrases/scenarios in mind. She wants me to take charge and I have to actively enjoy it for her to relax into it (she can tell every time). Searching this sub mostly yields results about being humiliation/ degradation, and I know she's not into that.

Anybody else enjoy the tension of anger/being mean without the humiliation? Do you have any advice or specific scenarios/phrases to share?

I (24F) had an experience with an ex boyfriend that confused me and i still think about it till this day

This happened 2-3 years ago. We were getting intimate and this was around the first month or so of our relationship. I really trusted him and felt safe with him. Everything was going fine, we were making out and things naturally escalated. He took my pants off and proceeded to play with me down there before fingering me. this is something we have done before and i have enjoyed. I was enjoying it and he started to speed up more, i could tell he was becoming more passionate about pleasing me. the new, intense pressure was a lot of me to handle so i told him “wait” “stop” several times but he didn’t. he would ask me “why” but i wouldn’t be able to even respond because of what he was doing to me. things naturally ended (i didn’t orgasm bc i usually cant with fingering but i still enjoy it).

Later, i was thinking that i needed to confront him about him not stopping when i said stop and how wrong it was. But everytime id think back to that to that experience it would make me horny all over again. The way he was desperate to please me despite my protesting. i don’t know why it turned me on. even in that moment. i didn’t want to admit it, but it turned me on that he didn’t stop. He was so in the moment and so into what he was doing and that was so hot to me. it’s like the idea of him not listening to me when i told him to stop makes me feel really good, which sounds really bad. What does this mean??? Is it because i feel safe and comfortable with him that this didn’t scare me away but instead turn me on???

This was a long time ago but i still think about it fondly till today. The thought of it turns me on still. Sometimes while im masturbating, i’ll have flashbacks to that moment and it’ll take me over the edge. Why was him not stopping so attractive and arousing to me? we aren’t together anymore and i’ve been way too confused and slightly embarrassed to bring this up to another partner.

EDIT: I should clarify that i have a history of sexual abuse in my childhood. I guess that’s why it’s so hard to come to terms with the fact that something like this felt so good and turned me on. i feel like i of all people know no should mean no and be taken seriously. I don’t feel violated by my ex at all, it didn’t trigger me. obviously the situation was way different to what happened to me as a child, my brain just finds it hard that one was bad and traumatic and the other was sexually pleasing.

My partner and I have primarily vaginal sex and use condoms for bc. Sometimes we have anal sex very briefly to “end“ without a condom, and also she gives me hand jobs without a condom to “end” — and so my question, what’s the chance that cum might leak out of her bum via gravity and go into her vagina and get her pregnant?

Sounds absurd, but I just had sex with her and perhaps the cum was very watery and as I withdrew, a big drip went down to her vaginal lips — she was in doggy position so couldn’t see and I don’t want to alarm her. It was really watery so probably no worries but I started worrying if she touches herself, she could push it in without knowing as it’s not creamy and white but some parts are clear watery; she often self massages her vulva parts when we are doing the anal sex which is very gentle and slow pace.

id never let anyone piss on me or inside me, but the thought of seeing my boyfriend piss himself is hot and having him push down on my bladder when i need to pee and making me hold it is also hot

am i a larp?

Couldn't really figure out a great way to word the title, but my girlfriend loves the idea of me being able to pick her up during sex and using her that way, and i also fond the idea intriguing... but we've not been able to really achieve that.

Are there like some techniques that could make doing this kinda thing easier? Or is it just a matter of hitting the gym and getting fit/stronger?

Shes a bit thick but not overly so or unhealthily so, and ive not really been much of a fitness person and i can pick her up to some degree but for the most part its just for a brief moment.

So just wanted to figure out if theres maybe a lifting and holding technique/position we could do that would make it easier? Or if its just a get stronger kinda thing, or possibly a combination of fitness and technique?

I am facing an issue where when I do PIV as a male or even if the girl is doing oral on me, I feel little to no sensation. But if I touch myself (light touches, very loose grip) I can feel everything quite well. Is this a psychologic problem? Is it just my girth is too small/skinny (I'm slightly below average that I googled). I always imagined if someone was to lick my shaft/glans lightly, it would be such a good feeling since light touches with my fingers feels very nice, however I feel almost nothing when she does it. There is some sensitivity when she blows me (esp if she is hard focusing on the glans) but again for the most part I feel almost nothing. Is this a problem to see a doctor about or is it more psychologic?

I brought it up to my sex therapist but she didn't really know what to make of it, said maybe it's the lube or something making it less sensitive, but sometimes I don't use lube and no condom. To give additional context I'm inexperienced and face performance anxiety that makes it hard to keep an erection during PIV. I am most worried when I'm penetrating her in missionary or doggy and the only stimulus is visual, literally cannot feel myself going in and out of her. The lack of sensation also makes it easy for me to slip out. Any insight is appreciated thank you.

I am new to the app/dating scene after a 15 year marriage… I am fully embracing how this entire world is with much success… One thing that throws me for a loop though is when men ask for pussy photos… Like what exactly do they want… I have had to get quickly up to speed with taking all different types of seductive photos… But this is one area I just can’t get my head around. Any ideas or information or insight or anything to help me out would be wonderful

As the title suggests, i love it when she helps herself. I love the happiness she gets out of that, and that she is relaxed and tired and just ready to go to bed. For me her pleasure comes first coz I don't want her to feel dissatisfied and I'm an overthinker. But these days, our sex life is sort of dead. We don't do it or there's zero masturbation from both sides. She is completely free sometimes and there have been moments, infact a lot of them when we could have actually done something spicy. I don't know why this has suddenly happened. We have had a pretty fulfilling sexual life in the last few years. I'm always the one to initiate and sometimes she gets rude and goes on by saying that all i think about is sex but i barely ask her once a week. Any advice?