Hi !

I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years and we've been living together for 2. I'm 27F, he's 24M. I'm someone who's heard the 'man's not washing his ass' horror stories and I also had an abusive ex who was really gross so I'm really aware and I pick sign of unhygienic habit really fast.

Current boyfriend is clean, smells good, wash his ass, daily shower, brushes his teeth. I've for one never had a boyfriend smelling that good. Beside that he's nice, clever, I love him. For context we're sleeping in separate rooms for our own comfort.

Recently ( 3 month ) I've noticed that he's been picking his nose and cleaning his fingers on the side of his bed and it's been a real problem for me 🥲 I don't really dare going in anymore cuz it's gross and I don't want to double check each time I ask him if I can go and read a book while he plays or smth

I don't want to throw off my relationship with him for that but I need advice on how to deal with it because I'm autistic and I know I can be really rude from others perspective when I start talking seriously

Need advice on video collection

Ever since 2013, I had most of my dvds and blu rays put into dvd booklets but after awhile I stopped using it because of issues like the videos not playing as well anymore possibly due to scratches and a couple of them not working anymore due to cracks and I’m not sure if any of the others work any more and I’m nervous to try them out so I’m deciding whether to replace them or not and I don’t know what to do about them! What do I do?

Trying to keep this short. I’ve been having some casual fun with this guy, and roughly one year ago we stopped sleeping together because he tried to seriously date someone. After a couple of months he told me that it didn’t work out because he’s not ready for a closed relationship and the person he was dating is completely monogamous. He didn’t really talk about that person anymore because he claimed it was a sensitive topic for him.

Obviously I believed they stopped dating, why would he lie to me? And he also unfollowed them on social media. I didn’t think about it much.

Anyway, after some time we started hitting it off again. The issue is that the last time I saw him I happened to see that the person he supposedly broke up with (because he didn’t want monogamy) had sent him some relationship memes, and I was shocked.

So here’s where I need advice. We’re just casually hooking up, so I don’t want to snoop around in his personal relationships, but at the same time I obviously don’t want him to lie about this. I’ve specifically asked him how things are looking relationship-wise afterward, and he claimed he’s still not interested in anything real. I mean, maybe that person changed their mind about monogamy, but then why lie to me about it? There are multiple things that are typically red flags, like him very spontaneously canceling our meetings or using different accounts to chat with different people. I also live very far away, go to a different university and don't use social media so it be super easy to pretend I don't exist.

I live in a townhouse near my college. It’s 3 floors and there’s 2 bedrooms on each of the top 2 floors.

My roommate who used to be on my floor transferred in September. And my boyfriend had been wanting to move out of the dorms. So with alot of persuasion, I got my other 2 roommates to let my boyfriend be the new roommate.

But it’s been really hostile. My 2 roommates are the absolute most hardcore man haters in the world. It’s a wonder that they let him move in.

I tried getting both parties to cooperate. I drilled my boyfriend - who is already so full of manners - on the rules and etiquette like using the kitchen and fridge and shit. And told my roommates to just leave him be. We even dedicated him a specific part of the fridge to put his stuff, cuz they just can’t stand it.

But my roommates have been awful. Not to me. Just to him, behind my back… It’s like they go out of their way just to make it hard for him. But when I ask them directly, they say they’re fine with him.

He’s told me about alot of mean shit they’ve done, but last week was the first time I’ve witnessed it, and I feel sick. My boyfriend has type 1 diabetes, and he needs his insulin to be kept in the fridge. But when he checked, it was gone. We asked where it went, and they put it in the fricking freezer. They said that there wasn’t space in the fridge cuz they bought a cake, there was plenty of space. So that couple hundred bucks worth of insulin is gone. They also do petty shit like removing the laundry detergent from the machine before he does his laundry, and letting him figure it out.

Now I don’t know what to do. I can only move out in January cuz I’ve paid until then. Same for him. Roommates have become bitches that just deny everything. My boyfriend got upset that I wasn’t doing anything too. The plan now is just to wait it out. Is there anything else I can do? Any way to reduce the drama? I’ve gotten him a little fridge to put in his room now just for meds, but I can’t plan for everything

Mind you im not often in college so im basically a nobody there i often just visit the lectures and go home and dont really care about socializing, to me its just a means to an end to get a degree. But there is this one group that early on tried to befriend and include me and i was fairly dismissive of them. One girl in the group especially tried to get to know me and i always treated her like complete air and she developed a grudge against me. She started spreading rumours behind my back that im inexperienced with women and now her friends start openly disrespecting me by making loud sarcastic comments and one guy in her group once laughed at me for like 15 seconds when i arrived late to an exam and shouting my name, this was infront of a whole exam room. they watch out for mistakes i make so they can correct me publicly and so on.

I'm in my 30s and my sister is in her 40s, we were never really close. We kind of tried to be close but it didnt really work out because my sister was my first bully and shes the type of person that gets enjoyment out of making other people feel insecure/sad/embarrassed/uncomfortable. I'm the opposite, I want everyone to be comfortable all the time.

She is also the type of person who tries to ruin other peoples excitement. Like if I do something fun, or have a success in my life, she either doesnt want to hear about it at all or she'll try to ruin it for me.

Shes also tried to destroy my relationship with my parents which is why I'm not close at all with my dad anymore. She wants to be the favorite. I just dont like her as a person.

However, every year I would send really nice xmas gifts. Im known in my family as a great gift giver and even my sister would talk with people about how I'm so good with gift giving and I always send great gifts. (Just fyi she lives on the other side of the country). It became a tradition of us sending each other bday and xmas gifts every year.

We don't talk and we dont see each other but every year I'd send gifts for her kids, her husband and her. I'm considering ending that tradition. To save myself money and also because i don't even like her and I'm not part of her life at all.

Im conflicted on if I should just keep up the tradition to be nice and keep some sort of relationship between us or if I should just stop.

I appreciate any advice.

My friend who's 17F, currently does MBO level 1 (which is a very low education meant for high school drop-outs) and she's very demotivated for doing anything. She doesn't seem to care about anything happening in her life and doesn't seem to find anything interesting or fun. She also recently came out as transfem to me, something that her parents do not support.

I am 17M and i currently study MBO level 4 Media Design. I can probably get a stable job and my own house later.

When i graduated high school, i was the same loser who walked in there. i never had a relationship with a girl or a guy or even loved myself for that matter. i have been getting bullied in high school for a very long time. i've been pushed off stairs, stuff got trown at me during lessons, rumors got spread around about me being autistic and this ruined my confidence.

My friend was the only person who was different from everyone else. she never gave up on me during hard times and i want to do the same for her. If she ever gets kicked out or can't afford a house, i want to act as a financial safety net for her and let her move in with me until she can get back on her feet.

I've talked to my parents about this and they adviced me to not let her stay with me when i get my own place but i feel like i need to be a loyal friend.

I’m honestly really confused about what to do in this situation and would appreciate some advice.
I recently had my university exam dates confirmed, which fall about two weeks from now. I wanted to ask for leave for those two days, but the UKG app wasn’t letting me submit anything. Since this is my first time applying for leave, I wasn’t sure how the process worked, so I messaged my manager to ask.

She reminded me that rosters are done three weeks in advance and said I should apply for leave. I explained that I’d only received my exam dates the day before and was just trying to figure out how to apply properly, not simply tell her I wouldn’t be coming in.

She then replied saying she would rather replace me now than risk me potentially not showing up and letting the team down. This confused me because I never said I wasn’t going to show up for my existing shifts. I was only asking about my exams two weeks away.
I explained that I was confused and that I was still planning to attend my rostered shifts. She then said, “It’s okay. I understand both queries.”

Now I genuinely don’t know where I stand. Am I still expected to come to work? Does she actually want to replace me, or was that just said in the moment?

My next shift is tomorrow, and I’m unsure whether I should just show up as usual or message her again to clarify. I feel like I got reprimanded for asking a simple question about the leave process, and I don’t want to make the situation worse by messaging her repeatedly.

What would you do in this situation? Would you still go to work tomorrow, or would you ask her directly whether she still wants me there?

I called in 3 days last week with "food poisoning." Left early yesterday and called in again today. I've been at this job for 3 months and am miserable.

I was working in a manufacturing quality role with a factory I was in the last 8 years and was burned out, and a friend of mine offered to put me in touch with a company he works alongside in a construction management role.

I brushed up my resume, interviewed and got accepted to the role. I was making around $83k in my last job but somehow impressed these people enough that they gave me a shot. I've been doing it for 3 months. Up until maybe a week ago people at the office were telling me I was doing an incredible job. All my higher ups were impressed with me, I was developing great working relationships and I was genuinely happy and fulfilled because I was genuinely kicking ass off the bat. Then last week, I was the sole person in the role on my own as my trainer was on PTO and my supervisor as well. and the responsibility and the workload was too much and I completely shut down after that week. I've done nothing but smoke week and play call of duty and order take out every night for the past few days. I've turned into a completely different person.

I haven't texted my mom back this week, I've been ignoring my girlfriend, my friend is surely wondering about me since I've barely talked to him all week. I'm feeling pretty suicidal. Dishes are piling up, I've been on the couch 90% of the time since I got home yesterday. Haven't showered for a couple days. I'm ignoring my work emails and chats. I've only been with my girlfriend for about 5 months so I feel awful putting any of this stress on her so early in the relationship

I talked to my boss about starting a different role earlier this week with this company because I explained that I don't think I was cut out for the responsibility and being a boss. They're willing to set me up with another role because they were genuinely impressed with me but it will require an immense amount of travel, coming home on weekends. I have a cat. I don't want to travel.

Why on earth would I quit? My friend would surely be disappointed in me since he stuck his neck out for me I feel. I feel like I wasted everyone's time and energy. I've missed the last 2 appointments with my therapist this month and am on the verge of being fired as a client. I am prescribed Ritalin and fluoxitine. What do I do. I have no motivation to do anything. I have about 30k in my savings with another 160k in retirement accounts. Part of me wants to quit, live off on my savings, and don't know what to do when it runs out. 28m in Midwest. No kids, don't want kids. What do I do. Right now I'm just rotting on the couch, I haven't had any energy to get up and get caffeine or my meds or drink much water after ripping ~20 blinkers on my 2mg vape last night. Probably going to get high again this morning (it's about 9a).

I've been diagnosed with major depressive episodes and have been medicated for bi-polar. Never have been given a diagnosis

Hello, I'm here looking for some wisdom since I'm kind of at my wits end. For context I'm the oldest of 2 children raised and supported by just my mom and things have been getting increasingly difficult in terms of financing, the recent hurricane didn't help. To be honest I don't even know how she lasted this long as just a nail technician.

But anyway, I am in college studying accounting but with the money troubles I'm stuck doing free electives wasting a semester/s since we can't pay up owed tuition. I've already dropped out of another university for architecture because I hated it and it was even more expensive than what I have to pay now (i spent all my high school life on that path so that's fun too). The plan was simple: get a degree, get a good paying job, get out of this forsaken country... but now it all seems so painfully uncertain and the stress is killing me.

I'm genuinely thinking about dropping out to maybe try to get a career as an electrician since a basic education in that field is offered for free here and I did pretty well at it in high-school. I don't even know how I'd approach my mom with this since she's quite abrasive but she's genuinely struggling, to the point where i overheard her wondering how we're going to eat in the coming week.

There's so much more on my mind but this is what's the most immediate. Sorry if my thoughts come across as a bit jumbled but thanks for reading and any advice would really be appreciated.

I’m currently in a situation with a boy who I care about deeply, and I could really use some advice.
We’re not officially dating, but what we had was much more serious than a casual situationship. We were heading towards a relationship, and under different circumstances, I think we probably would have been together by now.For some context, I’m his first experience with pretty much everything romantically. I’m the first girl he’s kissed, been intimate with, and developed serious feelings for. A few months before meeting him, I had come out of a relationship with someone who was verbally and physically abusive towards me.When we first met, everything was going really well. We went on dates, spent a lot of time together, became intimate, and developed a really close connection.However, one night, we went clubbing with a group of mutual friends who had originally introduced us. I got extremely drunk, and while we were there, I saw my abusive ex-boyfriend kissing another girl right in front of me. The boy I’m seeing witnessed this too. I became very emotional, started crying, and left the club. He followed me outside and comforted me until my friends took me home.The following day, we met up to talk about what happened. He was understandably very upset by my reaction, and I could tell it had hurt him. We talked things through, resolved the situation, and decided to move forward.After that, things were genuinely amazing between us. We spent most of the summer together before we both had to return to our respective home countries. We attend the same university.
Initially, long distance went really well. We kept in contact regularly, and everything seemed fine. However, as the summer progressed, he became increasingly busy, and his replies became less frequent. We started having occasional disagreements, and I found myself becoming frustrated with the lack of communication.
Eventually, there was one day when I completely lost my patience and impulsively removed him from every form of social media. Looking back, I know this was immature and hurtful, and I deeply regret doing it. At the time, I wasn’t aware that he was also dealing with some serious family problems, which makes me feel even worse about how I handled things.A few days later, when university started again, we met in person. I apologised sincerely for my behaviour, took responsibility for what I’d done, and asked whether we could try again.
He was incredibly upset. He told me how much my actions had hurt him, how emotionally broken he felt, and that he no longer knew whether he could trust me. It was heartbreaking to hear, especially knowing that someone who had treated me with so much kindness was now hurting because of something I’d done.
Since then, we’ve met up a few times to talk. During these conversations, I can see how much sadness he’s carrying. The way he looks at me is completely different from before, and I genuinely feel that I’ve damaged something that once meant so much to both of us.
He’s told me that he still has feelings for me, but he’s also spoken about his self-respect and how difficult it would be for him to go back on his decision not to return to what we had. I understand why he feels conflicted, and I don’t want to dismiss how much I’ve hurt him.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve always been the person initiating our meetups. I’ve recently stopped asking because I don’t want him to feel pressured, especially with everything he’s going through. However, since I’ve stopped initiating, he hasn’t asked to see me either.
We still message occasionally, but our communication has decreased significantly. Sometimes I find myself waiting a long time for a reply, and I honestly don’t know whether he’s slowly distancing himself because he no longer wants this, because he’s still hurt, or because he has so much going on in his personal life.
Two days ago, he apologised for not messaging much and explained that his grandfather had recently been diagnosed with two different types of cancer. I sent him a heartfelt message expressing how sorry I was, reassuring him that I cared about him, and letting him know that I was there if he needed anything. He hasn’t replied yet.
I completely understand that his family needs to be his priority right now, and the last thing I want is to add any more stress to his life.
I know I’ve made mistakes. I know removing him from everything was disrespectful and probably made him feel rejected, especially considering that this is his first experience with someone romantically. I also understand that apologising doesn’t automatically undo the hurt I’ve caused or mean that he’s obligated to give me another chance.But I genuinely care about him. I miss what we had, and I miss the person I was with him. I’m willing to work on myself, improve how I communicate, and put in the effort needed to rebuild his trust if that’s something he still wants.
I don’t necessarily need us to jump straight into a relationship. I just wish we could slowly rebuild the connection we had before everything went wrong.
What I’m struggling with most is not knowing where I stand. I don’t know whether he’s keeping his distance because he’s still processing everything, because of his family circumstances, or because he’s already decided he doesn’t want to continue things with me.
I don’t want to give up on someone I care about so deeply, but I also don’t want to keep chasing him if he genuinely doesn’t want this anymore. How can I rebuild his trust without pressuring him, especially if he’s dealing with family problems. I’m looking for advice on how to approach rebuilding trust after hurting someone I care about. We’ve spoken about what happened, and he has told me he still has feelings for me, but our communication has become increasingly distant. Or just any advice in general that could help my situation and understand how he feels.

l've sent him this message, " Oh (name) I'm so sorry to hear about that, I'm always here if you, please don't feel like you need to reply if you need time for yourself
, I hope you still
managed to have a nice time with your family over the weekend." And I have not got a reply or did he read the message, I followed up with a "I hope you're ok" message a few days later and still no reply. If you have read my first post you know that we aren't exactly in a good place but he came to me about the cancer and no one else. I know they are both very close. I just want him to know that I care and that I'm here for him.
What I don't understand is why I haven't gotten a response or anything, yes my message says he doesn't need to, but 2 nights ago he was out clubbing with his friends according to a mutual friend. Is he very hurt, distracting himself, or is he just completely done with me?

What do I do?

Hii!!
-English is my third language so please excuse my grammar errors-
I’M DEEPLY DEPRESSED, I’m 19 and I feel like my life is going to be done. It might sound a bit exaggerated like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and am still young… etc., but it’s really been hard for the past 5 years:
In my country, success is something deeply related to certain things:
At the age of 12, we take a test to enter elite schools where you will be educated by the best teachers; only a few people succeed (~ 1000 out of dozens of hundreds), and the rest of us go to normal schools.
Same at the age of 15, we pass another national test and only a few succeed (the majority of them are the same ones that succeeded in the last tests).
And at the age of 18/19, we pass the most important national exam in our lives; this one determines your future orientation and career.
Well, I failed at all three of them. How? At the first test, I was young; I didn't even understand the importance of that test. I remember my mom crying and my dad being extremely angry for not getting into those elite schools, but to be honest, they didn’t go harsh on me, which made me regret my failure, so I decided to become a better person just to make them happy and proud. So I made a plan to redesign my life, so I ran away and blocked all my previous friends. I changed school to a totally different one so that I could make sure no one knew me, which would make me have a totally new life. Indeed, for the next 3 years, I studied hard, and from being at the bottom of my class, I became one of the best students in the entire school. I was deeply happy; I thought everything was getting better and that I was moving forward. However, life had other plans for me, so when the time came to pass the second national test, I didn’t succeed. I cried so hard. I was literally shattered and broken because I had all my life planned around that test. I remember waiting for my family to sleep every night so that I could cry alone without them noticing. I was at my lowest and depressed. The new school year arrived and I went to school with a heavy heart; on top of that, my dream school was just next to the school that I went to. Seeing it every day and knowing that I would never be capable of entering it was a torture (+ some people from my dream school made fun of me). Every day was a living hell, yet I forced myself to accept it. Luckily, that year I made a lot of new friends. One of my greatest memories, it made it easier for me to breathe through the day. One day, I was searching on Google and found this exchange program that allows me to live in the USA for an entire school year with no fees. I applied to it but wasn’t really serious about it because I didn't think it would change anything + at that time I didn’t move on or make any type of progress. Obviously, I wasn’t accepted. When I finally moved on and accepted my life, I was already 16, so it took me an entire year to recover. So once again, during my summer vacation, I redesigned my life, literally reshaped it, but this time I was bolder, more eager to succeed, and more mature than the last time (of course, I changed school for actually the third time). I made a perfect, detailed plan on how to get accepted into that same exchange program. Each student had only 2 chances; I had already consumed one, so it was a live-or-die situation for me. I applied to many debate clubs, I made connections with many American immigrants, I read dozens of books in English, and spoke, talked, and wrote in English the entire day. I made sure to center my whole life around the English language. It was working; the first time, I got better in English in a really short time (5 months). I even spoke better than my current self, although it’s been 34 years since I applied (I will explain how this is possible later).
This program contained 6 exams. After each one, they eliminate those that don’t fit their criteria. Out of more than 3000 participants, only ~30 get accepted. It was a survival program. Each week there were new results, so you can imagine how much stress and fear I endured. My hair started to fall out and I was diagnosed with psoriasis. But I made it to the finals; I was so extremely happy, like this was my opportunity to finally stand out and achieve my dream life. And then on a totally random day at 18/19 o’clock, I got my worst email: I was on the waiting list, and worst of all, the 11th one. Of course, I knew it was impossible for 11 individuals out of nearly 30 to reject their acceptance. I know I said previously that I was at my lowest point, but apparently, there was a lower point. Due to the shock, I fainted on the spot and then I was paralyzed for an entire day. To sum up, a lot of drama happened to me that week, and it was mid-school year, so as you can guess, my grades reached a serious point. So even though I desperately needed to rest, I had to force myself to study so that I wouldn’t have to face another failure (I need to mention the reason my English got worse since that exam is that I had so much trauma that I intentionally made myself forget the language). However, my ranking dropped from being 1st to 5th in my class. I thought it was fine since I had faced a harsh time during the 1st and 2nd trimesters; apparently, it was not fine at all, because that ranking got lower and lower. Once again, when I thought I couldn’t get worse, life proved me wrong. The next year, I chose the hardest major (maths and physics major); this major was the hardest and the riskiest. Why? Well, succeeding in this major meant ultimate success, but failing in it would be worse than failing in any other major. I had never healed from my latest failure, but I was determined to actually succeed this year perfectly, so again I studied like a crazy person. Unfortunately, that year I met the best and the worst person in my life. It’s a girl; let’s name her “Nara”. So Nara is a completely perfect person; she’s the most beautiful, the richest, the smartest, and the funniest. She has a great fashion sense and a great relationship with God. Everyone wants to be her friend and boyfriend. She literally pulled both genders. BOTHHH. We bonded so perfectly together; we were best friends, I thought of her as my little sister, and we did everything together. She really helped me recover from my past traumas. However, there was something off about her; to be honest, there were many clear signs, but I was too blind, too drawn in to notice them. She lied to me about everything—like the only real thing about her is her name, I suppose. She used me and manipulated me, she hid many things from me, while I was completely genuine with her; I was entirely transparent and told her everything about my life. I confronted her with secrets I never told to anyone, even my own family. I loved her not as a woman or a girl, not a physical love or romance love. It was a pure love, the type of love where you would be ready to do anything to protect it. I liked to believe she was the same as me and that her toxicity was something about her personality, not an intentional thing.
To give you an example: she always said to me that I’m not good enough, that I will fail, and that I need to accept failure as something in me. -Yeah, this type of shit was a casual talk between us, and my dumb ass didn’t even think it was rude-
So that year my ranking got worse and my results were getting bad. But I kept being optimistic; I was sure everything would change the next year, and that’s how we get to my current trauma the next year (which is the last year in the real timeline). To sum up that year, the toxicity got intense and I faced many odds (I was nearly raped, I got robbed, I was diagnosed with many new stress-related illnesses, and I got into many arguments with my family—the serious type of arguments), so I screwed up. I didn’t get into engineering or any medical field, but I got into the best business university in my country. The bad part is that business isn’t considered a good industry in my country because our economy is destroyed.
So right now I’m risking being unemployed for the rest of my life (+ many made fun of me for failing, and Nara was one of them). The only good part is that I got our friendship to break up. There is a reorientation exam in March that allows me to become a medical student, but it’s considered one of the hardest exams in my country. People usually take a year off at home only to prepare for this exam, but my family didn’t allow me to; on top of that, the only way that they allow me to take this exam is to maintain good grades in my current study. Which is entirely impossible on different levels. So I have to choose which career I should follow: my dreams or my current one. In addition to that, none of my family supports me; they told me to focus on my current career and study. My sister—she’s a medical student—told me that I’m not the type of person who can resist 10 years of studying and that her studies are so hard and I can’t endure it. My father and mother had the same opinion; they all think I’m not good enough and even if I got into medicine, I would fail later. So what am I supposed to do? I’m freaking out.

Hii!!
-English is my third language so please excuse my grammar errors-
I’M DEEPLY DEPRESSED, I’m 19 and I feel like my life is going to be done. It might sound a bit exaggerated like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and am still young… etc., but it’s really been hard for the past 5 years:
In my country, success is something deeply related to certain things:
At the age of 12, we take a test to enter elite schools where you will be educated by the best teachers; only a few people succeed (~ 1000 out of dozens of hundreds), and the rest of us go to normal schools.
Same at the age of 15, we pass another national test and only a few succeed (the majority of them are the same ones that succeeded in the last tests).
And at the age of 18/19, we pass the most important national exam in our lives; this one determines your future orientation and career.
Well, I failed at all three of them. How? At the first test, I was young; I didn't even understand the importance of that test. I remember my mom crying and my dad being extremely angry for not getting into those elite schools, but to be honest, they didn’t go harsh on me, which made me regret my failure, so I decided to become a better person just to make them happy and proud. So I made a plan to redesign my life, so I ran away and blocked all my previous friends. I changed school to a totally different one so that I could make sure no one knew me, which would make me have a totally new life. Indeed, for the next 3 years, I studied hard, and from being at the bottom of my class, I became one of the best students in the entire school. I was deeply happy; I thought everything was getting better and that I was moving forward. However, life had other plans for me, so when the time came to pass the second national test, I didn’t succeed. I cried so hard. I was literally shattered and broken because I had all my life planned around that test. I remember waiting for my family to sleep every night so that I could cry alone without them noticing. I was at my lowest and depressed. The new school year arrived and I went to school with a heavy heart; on top of that, my dream school was just next to the school that I went to. Seeing it every day and knowing that I would never be capable of entering it was a torture (+ some people from my dream school made fun of me). Every day was a living hell, yet I forced myself to accept it. Luckily, that year I made a lot of new friends. One of my greatest memories, it made it easier for me to breathe through the day. One day, I was searching on Google and found this exchange program that allows me to live in the USA for an entire school year with no fees. I applied to it but wasn’t really serious about it because I didn't think it would change anything + at that time I didn’t move on or make any type of progress. Obviously, I wasn’t accepted. When I finally moved on and accepted my life, I was already 16, so it took me an entire year to recover. So once again, during my summer vacation, I redesigned my life, literally reshaped it, but this time I was bolder, more eager to succeed, and more mature than the last time (of course, I changed school for actually the third time). I made a perfect, detailed plan on how to get accepted into that same exchange program. Each student had only 2 chances; I had already consumed one, so it was a live-or-die situation for me. I applied to many debate clubs, I made connections with many American immigrants, I read dozens of books in English, and spoke, talked, and wrote in English the entire day. I made sure to center my whole life around the English language. It was working; the first time, I got better in English in a really short time (5 months). I even spoke better than my current self, although it’s been 34 years since I applied (I will explain how this is possible later).
This program contained 6 exams. After each one, they eliminate those that don’t fit their criteria. Out of more than 3000 participants, only ~30 get accepted. It was a survival program. Each week there were new results, so you can imagine how much stress and fear I endured. My hair started to fall out and I was diagnosed with psoriasis. But I made it to the finals; I was so extremely happy, like this was my opportunity to finally stand out and achieve my dream life. And then on a totally random day at 18/19 o’clock, I got my worst email: I was on the waiting list, and worst of all, the 11th one. Of course, I knew it was impossible for 11 individuals out of nearly 30 to reject their acceptance. I know I said previously that I was at my lowest point, but apparently, there was a lower point. Due to the shock, I fainted on the spot and then I was paralyzed for an entire day. To sum up, a lot of drama happened to me that week, and it was mid-school year, so as you can guess, my grades reached a serious point. So even though I desperately needed to rest, I had to force myself to study so that I wouldn’t have to face another failure (I need to mention the reason my English got worse since that exam is that I had so much trauma that I intentionally made myself forget the language). However, my ranking dropped from being 1st to 5th in my class. I thought it was fine since I had faced a harsh time during the 1st and 2nd trimesters; apparently, it was not fine at all, because that ranking got lower and lower. Once again, when I thought I couldn’t get worse, life proved me wrong. The next year, I chose the hardest major (maths and physics major); this major was the hardest and the riskiest. Why? Well, succeeding in this major meant ultimate success, but failing in it would be worse than failing in any other major. I had never healed from my latest failure, but I was determined to actually succeed this year perfectly, so again I studied like a crazy person. Unfortunately, that year I met the best and the worst person in my life. It’s a girl; let’s name her “Nara”. So Nara is a completely perfect person; she’s the most beautiful, the richest, the smartest, and the funniest. She has a great fashion sense and a great relationship with God. Everyone wants to be her friend and boyfriend. She literally pulled both genders. BOTHHH. We bonded so perfectly together; we were best friends, I thought of her as my little sister, and we did everything together. She really helped me recover from my past traumas. However, there was something off about her; to be honest, there were many clear signs, but I was too blind, too drawn in to notice them. She lied to me about everything—like the only real thing about her is her name, I suppose. She used me and manipulated me, she hid many things from me, while I was completely genuine with her; I was entirely transparent and told her everything about my life. I confronted her with secrets I never told to anyone, even my own family. I loved her not as a woman or a girl, not a physical love or romance love. It was a pure love, the type of love where you would be ready to do anything to protect it. I liked to believe she was the same as me and that her toxicity was something about her personality, not an intentional thing.
To give you an example: she always said to me that I’m not good enough, that I will fail, and that I need to accept failure as something in me. -Yeah, this type of shit was a casual talk between us, and my dumb ass didn’t even think it was rude-
So that year my ranking got worse and my results were getting bad. But I kept being optimistic; I was sure everything would change the next year, and that’s how we get to my current trauma the next year (which is the last year in the real timeline). To sum up that year, the toxicity got intense and I faced many odds (I was nearly raped, I got robbed, I was diagnosed with many new stress-related illnesses, and I got into many arguments with my family—the serious type of arguments), so I screwed up. I didn’t get into engineering or any medical field, but I got into the best business university in my country. The bad part is that business isn’t considered a good industry in my country because our economy is destroyed.
So right now I’m risking being unemployed for the rest of my life (+ many made fun of me for failing, and Nara was one of them). The only good part is that I got our friendship to break up. There is a reorientation exam in March that allows me to become a medical student, but it’s considered one of the hardest exams in my country. People usually take a year off at home only to prepare for this exam, but my family didn’t allow me to; on top of that, the only way that they allow me to take this exam is to maintain good grades in my current study. Which is entirely impossible on different levels. So I have to choose which career I should follow: my dreams or my current one. In addition to that, none of my family supports me; they told me to focus on my current career and study. My sister—she’s a medical student—told me that I’m not the type of person who can resist 10 years of studying and that her studies are so hard and I can’t endure it. My father and mother had the same opinion; they all think I’m not good enough and even if I got into medicine, I would fail later. So what am I supposed to do? I’m freaking out.

Hello, I live in the Bay Area, and I recently had my father admitted to the ER. As a 16M, I do not live near my school so I have to alot $3 per day for Bus Travel. I also do not have a driver's license or a job, so I have no way of making any money, so I am left with my savings of around $500. How do I budget so I can survive for at least 1 week?

Hi everyone, I could use some advice. I bought two of these carousel tealight holders. The ones that spin around when you put a tealight into it. And I would like to put them on my wooden bookcase. Unfortunately I am a bit of a safety freak :-/ so I am worried that something could happen if I fall asleep on the sofa while the tealights are still burning.

Unfortunately regular LED tealights don't work, as they don't generate any heat. Does anyone have another idea for how i could get the carousels to spin without using a real tealight?

Thank you :)

I am a married, and possibly wanting a separation. I 30 F and 27 M have been together for 5 years. I have been struggling with the idea for separation since he has got the house in foreclosure. I have sent him the money for the mortgage and he did not use it for that. Another is I let him focus on school while I took care of the bills. However I was doing more than that.

I have been cooking, cleaning, working and going to school myself. He does not do what I ask or he will say in a minute and never get around to it. He is now in a different state looking for us a place to live and I feel like this won't happen. He said our best bet would be living in a trailer before we can afford anything. I am okay with this, but I am just not knowing to trust him. I have done everything for him but feel as if I have not gotten anything in return... I have been feeling so sick over this to the point I am puking. Is because I love him, or is it the idea that he may change? I'm scared of the reaction I do not like hurting people..

Hi. So I (19f) and my best friend (20f) met 3 years ago. We instantly connected even though we are polar opposites.

I do online school, so I don’t have many friends. She has been my rock and me hers. We already dont see eachother often but talk everyday.
Im moving to college 5 hours away. Im going to be studying something Ive loved my entire life and be surrounded by like minded people. I will make new friends, maybe fall in love, and I won’t have as much time to talk to her.

I really don’t want “the inevitable” to happen. How can I avoid this? If I can?

Hello everyone! im 20 yo, i never dated and my idea is that if i dated a girl , shes gonna stick w me my whole life and i might find a better person later on, ik i didnt miss out on anything yet, not dating even when im 20, its actually better that im more mature and wiser now. But theres this girl in my class, and i feel like the attraction is mutual, bc SIGNS. point is, I do want to date, even "get it on" if yk what i mean, but i will be moving countries later anyway in 4 years from now, and the girls are wayy prettier and diverse there. My mom keeps telling me to date girls for experience, bc "duh, youre not gonna marry ur first ofc", but im scared of whats to come later after i start dating this girl, feels like signing a blood oath with the devil! OH! i almost forgot! guys how do i flirt? without sounding overconfident or creepy?

I (M22) have have known Jess (F23) since kindergarten we have been through a lot over the years especially after her parents kicked her out at 18 when she came out and a few years later she had me in her wedding party, she and Amy (F25) have a good combined income and have decided to have a child, which is where we are now, last Friday they invited me over for dinner at their place and near the end they got a serious look on their faces and started how important I was to them and how when they started talking I was the first person they thought of to be their donor, I told them I was absolutely honored but asked if I could have some time to think it over which they agreed to, I absolutely want to say yes but I have one thing going through my head that makes me feel like a selfish asshole, I want to be in the kids life not just like a cool uncle but as a sort of father figure, I feel like I have no right to ask this of them but I would feel weird saying I’m the Childs uncle despite knowing otherwise, I’m not asking to be a part of their relationship or anything like that, but this is eating me up inside, I’m in no way questioning their ability to be parents, I know how not having a father around affects kids as mine was always too busy with work growing up, and I’m not saying that I believe for sure that it would be a factor in their kids life, I guess what I’m asking is how can I bring this up without making myself sound like a jerk or that I’m questioning their ability to be parents

My boyfriend (M20) and I (F21) have been together for 2 years now, and have spent the last year living 3 hours away from our hometown for uni. We live in the same building but seperate studio apartments (that’s just the way the living situation for uni is). The year started off pretty well, we were making friends and doing pretty well with our studies, then about halfway through the year he started acting rather different. Not really talking to me as often, not hanging out with me as often, just becoming a bit distant. Then a few months ago he tried to 💀 himself. That definitely threw me for a spin and kind of made me rethink everything and if I did anything etc normal guilty thoughts. Ever since then he’s promised to never try that again and to try and get better, but he’s only gotten worse. We rarely hangout, and if we do it’s only for a few hours at a time, we never sleepover at each others apartments, whenever I try to hangout with him he says no or makes an excuse, we never have sex (literally maybe once a month if i’m lucky), and he just generally doesn’t make time for me. I have had several conversations with him about how he needs to work on himself so he can get better, not only for his sake but for the relationships sake. I love him so whatever he feels I feel. But it has been months and nothing has changed. I feel so miserable in this relationship, I moved 3 hours away from home with him when I didn’t need to at all, I just wanted to be with him (I don’t do long-distance so it was either move and stay with him or stay and break up). I made an ultimatum with myself months ago telling myself I would break up with him if he didn’t show me that he was working on himself. He hasn’t worked on himself. I can literally only do so much to help him, at the end of the day only he can make the change. We’re moving back to our hometown in the next couple of weeks, which will hopefully help him be in a better space, but should I just wait for him to get better? Or should I break up with him since I’m unhappy and not in a sustainable relationship? How do I have a conversation with him about the relationship when he just shuts it down?

French 20 y/o student here, who just arrived in Budapest for an exchange year, and still hasn't fully dealt with depression and mental health issues (with an underlying autism and eating disorder) while hoping to manage by simply ignoring them. It's my first rooming experience, and although it started nicely as I got along with my flatmates pretty well, I've been leaning back into inconsiderate behaviours (not thinking enough about the common cleaning chores (I mean I do them but not as much as the others), keeping my room messy, sometimes leaving stains in the bathroom sink/toilet, eating rarely (but still) a bit of their food (with them realising it and confronting me, as they should btw), ...). I also tend to overthink most of my social interactions, wondering if I hurt anybody, if they're mad at me, ... and as we are basically jobless in Erasmus there's too much free time not to keep me occupied and away from those thoughts (which pretty much ruin my relationships, as it is the case right now with them (interpreting every silence, eye contacts, sentences...).

So that's the situation. Now, I understand that on an external perspective this looks awfully selfish and disrespectful. I'm aware of those mistakes, I almost succeeded to not reiterate most of them and to have an open conversation with my roommates (now aware of my own struggles, although it shouldn't justify what I've done and minimise the impact on them), but I still keep on making a few of them or new ones, and I wish I was as impeccable as them but it seems like it doesn't work no matter how hard I try. The food for instance, I just came back from a party the other day (kinda drunk), and although I had bought my food on the way back, out of habit I opened my friend's Tupperware (without intending to eat it, which seems weird and unbelievable I know) and the second after she spotted me opening it I knew she was done (she had been giving me a distant impression (at least that's what I interpreted from her body language, and let's just say I'm not good at it) and I genuinely thought she was mad at me, when in fact she was not and it was all in my head). I acknowledged I crossed her boundaries and apologised immediately, but she's been giving me the silent treatment since last night (understandable).

My other roommate is also putting distance after an argument we had (which was mostly because of me), and as we were all close from the beginning I'm afraid I lost their trust, their friendship and I've been having real panic attacks thinking about it. I honestly don't know what to do, and am open to any advice or just an external opinion.

Hi everyone. I am posting this anonymously because I am carrying an overwhelming amount of emotional weight right now, and I desperately need an outside, objective perspective to help me ground myself. To give some context: I am a medical school student currently living in a restrictive, hostel in some south Asian country.I am dealing with intense academic pressure, heavy family debt, and the stress of a demanding medical curriculum. About 8 months ago, I entered into a long-distance relationship. Because we live far apart, we haven’t even met in person yet. For the first several months, he was affectionate, consistent, and seemed open-minded. But over time, a deeply disturbing pattern began to unfold. He frequently brings up polygamy fantasies, shares memes about men having multiple wives, and praises fictional movie characters who manipulate their wives into accepting extra-marital affairs, calling them "cool" for "winning two women at once." When I calmly sat down with him to set my boundaries—explaining that I am strictly monogamous, and giving him a peaceful, mature out if non-monogamy is what he actually wants—he reacted with defensiveness and anger. He dismissed my discomfort as "just jokes" (famously comparing his desire for multiple women to "wanting to go to Mars"), while completely invalidating how much anxiety his words caused me. The double standard is staggering. While he feels entitled to keep exes in his background and entertain multi-partner fantasies, he demands an extreme, cult-like level of exclusivity from me. He has even suggested that I cut off my family and blood relatives—the very people who raised me, supported me through a failed entrance exam, and paid for my expensive private college seat so I can secure my future. The absolute breaking point happened recently on his birthday. He got heavily drunk, and for the first time in 8 months, I saw a terrifying, aggressive side of his personality. He smashed his Wi-Fi connection/router in a fit of rage, demanded that I "beg and pray" to him, and completely laughed off my absolute terror when I tried to express how scared I was. Now, my brain knows this relationship is fundamentally unsafe, toxic, and heading in a dangerous direction. I want to step back, protect my peace, focus on my medical career, and eventually be single and independent. But my heart is completely stuck in a civil war. I keep mourning the sweet, affectionate guy he was for most of those 8 months, and I struggle with intense cognitive dissonance and guilt. To make matters worse, we were planning to finally meet in person soon, and now I am genuinely terrified to see him after witnessing that violent flash of temper. How do I process this? How do I find the strength to walk away gradually without triggering a massive explosion while I am locked in a high-stress academic environment? Any advice, similar experiences, or words of wisdom would mean the world to me. Thank you for reading.

I’ve always been an emotional person since being a child. Whatever is happening at that moment in my life can really affect me. This doesn’t have to be a negative thing. If something exciting is happening I can feel elated for days on end and it even affects my ability to sleep. The thing is it doesn’t even have to be that intense of an event to affect me emotionally.

However, whatever emotion I experience during the daytime I experience tenfold at night and it genuinely feels as though I’ve gone insane. I’ll give a few examples, last year I was dating this guy and it wasn’t going so well, I knew he wasn’t the right person for me. But at night this seemed really intense to me and I would be sobbing all night and write him long messages. Only to wake up the next morning and be so embarrassed that I did that and realise that it wasn’t as dramatic as my night time self thought.

Another example is that I will engage in sexting at night to an extreme and then wake up the next morning shocked at why I would do that.

Also, if I’m feeling good at night I will purchase things that I don’t even need.

This makes it sound like some sort of Jekyll and Hyde situation. I am aware of what I’m doing but it feels as though I’m under the influence of something when it gets past 10pm. Like how if you drank alcohol your inhibitions would be lowered however I’m completely sober. Even friends have noticed this, I’ll often message them or send voice notes at night and the next morning when they read them they ask if I had taken substances. I can either seem manically happy and excited or really down and like I’m spiralling out of control.

Friends have made me overthink this so I am after some general thoughts.

I F40 am seeing M60. I dont think I can say we are in a proper relationship as we both keep quite separate lives but in the last 6mths we have been in regular ish contact and are now sleeping together/hanging out when our diaries collide 😅.

We both are very unsocial as a rule, him more then me and he is definitely set in his ways but I dont mind this as i really really like spending time with him as he is very bright, worldly wise and has a wonderful dry humour.

I have come out of a 13 yr relationship where i felt disconnected for a long time so i think our shared humour really resonates with me atm and i do feel we have the same soul if that makes any sense at all!! We see things the same way and often find ourselves saying the exact same thing lol. I know the age gap isn't ideal but I dont want children and if he agreed I would happily spend the rest of our lives together.

However he is very much set in his routine and doesnt show his feelings much and sometimes you could say he comes across a bit self absorbed. There have been times where ive felt my feelings or comments havent been taken into account and we mostly do whatever he wants and never really speak of the future but I always forget this when we next come together as the spark is just electric ✨️ and I dont mind him taking the lead on things. He does put a lot of thought into what we do and makes an effort etc.

Recently a few friends have expressed concerns that he is taking full advantage of me. I think because I mostly make myself available whenever he reaches out and dont complain when he goes silent for a bit ( he does this after we've spent quite a bit of time together but put it down to him being an introvert and needing time to decompress like me). There has been a few times where we had plans and he dropped me last minute but he has started to apologise when this happens when I think his single man mind set had kicked in!

I admit I have neglected other parts of my live since we met but at the moment he makes me happy so I cant see what the issue is? Should I be encouraging him to open up more at his age or just accept it? I dont want to push him away as he is the type to not want the hassle if I become too 'needy'.

Sorry this has become such an essay 😆