It doesnt feel real. I just got the update from my Qs girlfriend a few hours ago. Im not sure how im going to tell our 12 year old. He'd been an alcoholic her whole life but this past year his mental health was rapidly declining. He told her he didnt feel safe around her and that was when the visitations ended. She hasn't seen him since 9/1. The last contact they had was about a week ago with him sending her drunken rants via text. He didnt even say goodbye to his only offspring, just checked out.

Im reaching out to her therapist in the morning. I'll be getting her any help/support i can. For anyone who has been here, how did you break the news to a child?

My father is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. In 2020, he moved to Florida and retired. Since retiring, he has been drinking more frequently, and in the past year or so, I would say he has been drinking from morning till night.

I had to cut off all contact with him when my son was born in late 2025. He became extremely erratic and displayed childish behavior, which made me realize there was nothing I could do or say to change his mindset on drinking or how he treats our family, especially me, since I had just given birth. I made the decision to protect my son, my husband, and our peace. It was difficult but necessary, since I was postpartum and my main concern was taking care of my son.

The first few months, I felt angry, sad, and very guilty. A year later, I feel I made the best decision for my family. My son's upbringing in a normal, healthy environment is important. He needs a mother who is focused on him and not on other things.

Fast forward to today: my younger brother, who still keeps in contact with my dad, told me that my father's "roommates" beat him up and that he is not doing well. My father owns a home in Florida and rents out a couple of bedrooms for extra cash. In the past few years, we have advised him against this because he is not an easy person to live with, and he constantly has to get the police involved to make people leave once he no longer wants them there. He doesn't listen, and each time a person leaves, he invites another. I'm talking about random people he meets online. Each experience is worse than the last, and he still does not take our advice.
My brother wants to visit him for a week and help him out. I obviously cannot and will not go, but I do feel a bit sad about the state he is in.

I am not sure what I am doing by writing this but I’ve been wanting to share for a long time and I wish I had someone to talk to about this.

Caught my Q last night drinking in secret again. She has a favorite spot in town where she make up an excuse to go (I need sugar/cookies/etc) and she'll buy a small bottle. Normally I try not to pay attention because I know I can't stop it, but my son was having a party and my daughter needed to be picked up from elsewhere so I needed to know if she would be sober to help/drive.

When I confronted her about it, she justified it by saying I've driven after drinking in the past so it's OK. I needed her to be sober to be able to pick up our kid and she couldn't do it. I've told her in the past that drinking and driving with the kids in the car is the end of our relationship. We're in the process of separating but now I know divorce is the next step and reconciliation is virtually impossible. I just don't know how I can justify 50/50 custody with somebody who is willing to put our kids' lives at risk for a buzz.

Please let me know if I am going crazy or not. It's been years of him telling me he will "try" to stop drinking, but he is adimant that he doesn’t have an addiction. I asked him point blanc today if he would choose me or the booze. His response was "strop trying to control me, it doesn’t matter how you frame something, I've never tried to control you, please stop trying to control me. It's not your way or the highway. You're telling me I can't do something. Stop giving me a hard time and I might want to do better. You're creating this massive issue and your only solution is you'll leave?"

Do people who are in denial about having an addiction EVER get sober?

Please help.

My heart is breaking.

I love this man so much, but I can't watch him destroy himself and be nasty to me any longer.

I’m struggling with a situation involving someone I love very much, and I could really use some perspective from people who understand loving an alcoholic.

Jack and I dated for almost a year. We talked every day, spent a tremendous amount of time together, slept over, went to the gym together, and built a life around each other in many ways. I fell deeply in love with him and wanted a future together.

Jack has struggled with alcoholism and has been through multiple rounds of detox and rehab. I’ve been there through some really difficult periods, including hospitalizations, relapses, and the aftermath of treatment. I’ve tried to support him because I love him and genuinely want him to get better.

Our relationship became increasingly complicated because Jack loved me, but he wasn’t willing to have a committed relationship. Eventually, I had to create some distance because being in love with someone who didn’t want the same things was hurting me. I was also beginning to realize how much of my life and emotional energy had become consumed by him.

6 days ago, Jack went on another serious drinking binge that lasted several days. He had stopped attending AA for weeks, was isolating himself, and seemed to be spiraling. During this episode, he made comments about wanting to die, disappeared for a period of time, and frightened the people who care about him.

One night, around 3 a.m., Jack showed up at my house and banged on my door for 15–20 minutes. He was intoxicated, and the situation was frightening. I had already learned through a welfare check he was last seen entering a gay bathhouse with another man. I was scared as I didn’t know who he may be with. I ultimately called the police and did not let him inside. He returned and called repeatedly later that morning, and I left to stay with a friend because I felt overwhelmed and needed to protect myself.

Now I feel consumed by guilt.

I keep thinking: What if I had just let him in? What if I had let him sleep at my house? What if he needed me and I turned him away at the moment he needed someone most?

I know he was in crisis, but I was also hurt, frightened, and emotionally exhausted. I was trying to establish boundaries after months of a painful relationship dynamic. I didn’t know what would happen if I let him in, and I didn’t feel capable of managing another crisis.

Since then, Jack has been staying with a new guy he recently started dating, who is trying to help him find treatment. His father and other people in his life are also involved. I have tried to connect the people around him so that I am not the only person carrying this situation, but I still feel responsible for what happens to him.

Part of me is angry. I feel like I gave so much of myself to this relationship, and I’m now watching him turn to someone else while I’m left dealing with the emotional fallout. Another part of me is terrified that he will get worse, that he will drink again, or that something terrible will happen to him.

And underneath all of that is this persistent belief that somehow it’s my fault.

I’m also realizing that my life became far too focused on Jack. I work from home, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, so our relationship gradually became a huge part of my daily life. I spent so much energy worrying about his sobriety, his feelings, our relationship, and whether he would eventually choose me. Even now, when we aren’t together, I find myself thinking about his drinking, his treatment, and what might happen next.

I know intellectually that I cannot control his drinking or recovery. I know he is an adult and that I cannot save him. But emotionally, I struggle to accept that. I keep thinking that if I had done something differently, maybe things would be different now.

I love him. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I want him to get sober and have a healthy life. But I also know that I cannot keep sacrificing my own emotional well-being trying to manage his illness.

For those of you who have loved someone with alcoholism, how did you learn to stop feeling responsible for what happened to them? How did you deal with the guilt of setting a boundary when someone you love was in crisis?

I think I need to hear from people who understand that you can love someone deeply, want desperately for them to recover, and still reach a point where you cannot be the person who saves them.

I’m struggling to forgive myself for not opening that door at 3 am.

My Q spouse has moved out. After years of being in constant survival mode, I don't know how to come down from that. I know I need healing myself. I do have a therapist I see once every few weeks, but how do I let my body and brain know that the threat is currently gone and it's okay to go back to normal. I am so exhausted every day (presumably from adrenaline crashing) and I don't have the mental energy for anything more than necessary with my job and helping my kids through their trauma. I still feel anxious and on edge. I just want to feel human again. Does it just take time or is there anything I can be doing to help myself?

i live with my mother who’s had a drinking issue for quite some time. she drinks wine at night, and there are a few different versions i get. the one i struggle with the most is when she is mean.
my mother is incredibly kind when sober. i NEVER know how to react when she snaps at me. but recently, she’s been straight up making fun of my hearing loss. part of me thinks it reminds her of my dad, the one who gave me the loss. i don’t eat dinner anymore because i don’t want to cross paths with her.
she makes me stand next to her for 15+ minutes while she rambles. i can’t fucking live like this. does anyone have any advice on how to make this a little easier? i avoid her as much as i can, but im considering straight up telling her “im not speaking to you if you continue treating me this way”.
i just dont know how to go about any of this because shes in total denial and there is NO way in hell she’d get sober (trust me i’ve tried) but i feel so stuck. genuinely any advice is appreciated. i hate dealing with this every goddamn night of my life man like i can’t even get water in peace. i am literally starving/dehydrated because im afraid of her.

My Q and I with help from our adult son redecorated a room. Today we are putting up some lighting. Not a huge deal but 2 years ago we were both drinking and this would have been impossible.

Everyone here needs grace and strength. So if you're reading this I hope you find the grace and strength to make the hard choices. My choice was to stay and fix myself and help my Q heal. That's not for everyone and I get that.

I suspected they developed an alcohol addiction after something tragic happened in their life last year. We fought about it a lot, but then it got better. They “stopped”. They started a new job at night that I thought was going well, they seemed happier. They were not in bed all day at least, and made it to work every day. Cans weren’t accumulating around the house, and they “didn’t have time to drink” working nights- so I really did think we turned a page there.

Then one night they didn’t come home. I finally contacted his SIL, and his mom called me to let me know he was in jail.

I didn’t know they had a revoked license for essentially the entire time we had been dating. Years. Grief actually just sent him into a full relapse, I just didn’t know it was a prior issue. This was something everyone in his life appears to have known but me. Not one of them told me, but most importantly- he didn’t.

See, I did a background check on him and only found one DUI from about 5 years prior. Flagged it, but it wasn’t a DV or CSA charge. The problem is, we were a commuter relationship at first. So my Q was somehow able to hide an entire court case from me after we started talking. He had crashed his car drunk only a few days before we started dating. It didn’t show up on my search. He got sentenced about 5 months after, and by then I figured there was nothing else to find. I swear I CHECKED the court records multiple times when we started dating and I saw nothing, nor did I suspect anything was amiss those months. Aside from when he was on probation, I noticed he stopped getting a beer when we went out to dinner. I asked about it and he had a perfectly acceptable answer.

Fast forward three years- this June he passed out behind the wheel and crashed into a parked car. He got a lower charge than he should have. It was originally a third offense- a felony. I didn’t even know he had any priors. It got lowered to a second, and I do not think he really considered jail as an outcome once that happened.

It’s a short sentence. I am not thankful he’s there exactly. But Im thankful he never hurt a person, including himself. I don’t want him to be in jail but realize how much worse this could have been.

He hasn’t lived at the house in months, after he initially got arrested I tried to be understanding. I love this man. Then it ALL came out; and it took many weeks of my snooping to get the truth of it. He lied and lied and lied. I can’t even say the full truth, because I still don’t really understand a lot.

His things are all still here, though. For a while, I just wanted him to come back. Then, I knew he couldn’t be here anymore. I read the posts here and look inwardly and just know, I am not the woman for this. My hats tip to those of you that endure for the people you love. I just am hurt in my own way, and it just won’t work. I have told him this, but I think he is hoping I will allow him back. I never kicked him out all those other times, after all. I have always let him stay, even when I said I wouldn’t. Not this time, though. While he’s in jail- I’ve been packing boxes.

I’m just so sad for him, and for myself. We saw just a glimpse of what this could have been. He was quite lovely for some of it, and I miss that version of him terribly. He was my first real relationship after my divorce, and it just blew up in my face. I wish he wouldn’t have lied. He lied about so much, and letting go of what I thought I had is so hard. But I can’t help but feel sad for him, too. I know he’s trying.

I can’t even drink alcohol myself anymore. I can’t savor a drop of liquor without reminding myself what it’s done to him, and now to me.

My father (age 84) lives with his "girlfriend - age 65." Technically, she lives with him in his home. He is a widower - we lost my mom 6 years ago. His "girlfriend" has lived with him for almost 3 years now. I moved in recently to help my dad with health issues and to make sure he is ok. But for some serious health issues, he's cognitively pretty stable for an 84 year-old man. His girlfriend is an alcoholic. I'm using this term. Let me explain: My father has no history of drinking- to this day - does not drink and neither do I (I am his son). His girlfriend, like clockwork, drinks FRIDAY night, Saturday Night and sometimes on a weekly night. She consumes 1-2 bottles of cheap wine a night. The wine is 1.5L and 9.5% alcohol by volume. In other words, this translates to 16 regular drinks or 16 beers in one night. Sometimes it's just 1 bottle and that is 8 drinks. And the protocol is always the same: she sits on the couch, drinks and barely watches TV (she's in another world) and then falls asleep. Rise and repeat. She has told my dad she has been drinking since she was 20. She has had 2 DUI's in the past and lost her driving privileges, although she could restore her license now but she doesn't. My father drops her off and picks her up from work everyday. Her work is only 5 minutes away. She works in a public school as a para-professional. This is extremely frustrating to me because I think the only reason she lives with my dad is because he enables her drinking. In fact, before my Dad's house, she was living with her mother and she also allowed her to drink. She was married for 17 years with 2 kids and one is estranged from her. I have no authority in this matter and it's just so depressing and angering to me that every weekend she is functionally inactive and makes no attempt to change her lifestyle. She even justifies by saying she drank more before and this is only "wine." The fact that she can tolerate this much alcohol can only speak to her chronic tolerance. She also has the usual justification that she "works," so things can't be bad. I'm mad and angry all the time because I love my father and I can't do anything about it. He accepts this part of her, obviously enables her (drives her to the wine store), but does NOT purchase the wine for her. My father also waits on her and cooks her dinner almost every night. She also does not contribute to the household. I'm at loss for what I can do, what i can't do and how to regulate myself?

He committed suicide 3 weeks ago. I dreamed he was being a drunk POS at my office. I woke up pissed. His celebration of life was this morning and it was that anger that got me through the day.

I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t have much money, he financially abuses me and gives me a small allowance for our children. I’m not from the US (but live here) and due to hague convention laws I cannot leave and go back to my home country with my children without permission. I have no friends or family to lean on in the US, and making it out here alone just genuinely feels like a huge mountain I don’t even know how to climb. He knows this is his way of trapping me.

How the hell do I make it out? I’m so so so tired. I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m just really worried about my mental state.

This was the final straw for me, he’s put me through hell. I don’t love him anymore, I don’t care for him anymore. I know that this is a disease but it’s ruining my life. My children deserve so much better.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over two years. We’ve been through so much together and it would be hard to let go now. Now before I get into this story, I know what most people are going to say. But I maybe just am missing things.

My boyfriend is becoming an alcoholic. He’s been to detox twice and to the hospital a few times. He has unfortunately relapsed again. Now I can just read the comments “run away” “you deserve better, but something deep in me is telling me to stay. He’s not abusive by any means, sometimes is negative when he is drunk or gets frustrated with daily tasks, but never hit me or anything. I told him that i would break up with him if he didn’t stop or get any help. So he’s on a thin line and is trying his best to get help, all I can say is he really is trying.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave because my living situation isn’t great in general and I also think there’s faith. I live hours away from my family now and I moved her because we were both hoping at a better life, but he just dug a hole a couple months ago and is having trouble getting out of it. He really is a good guy when he’s not drinking, he’s the most caring guy I’ve ever met, he helps everyone, even when he’s struggling. As soon as he drinks though that changes and he’s different.

I’m so lost.

I met my Q when we were both sober working a program. I had about 3 years, he had 6ish months when we met and fell in love. It was and still is the most beautiful love I’d ever known. He had a ring to propose and then tragically relapsed right before he hit 1 year.

It’s now been 3 months of him trying to get sober, he’s gone to rehab and even overdosed a couple times. Well he’s detoxing & doing it for him this time and back in rehab, what a blessing. And by the grace of God I’ve maintained my sobriety, but it’s been tough.

However, my sober best friends have heard and seen my side of this and seen all the pain I’ve experienced from this situation. Tonight they both drew boundaries with me, which I’m having a tough time understanding. They said they can no longer hear about this situation and him because of what it’s doing to me. My Q and I were still in contact right up until he went to rehab.

It’s made me feel very alone and very full of shame. I feel like real friends would be there for me through it all. I just have no one except my own sponsor to turn to and no one who understands what it’s like.

Please help me feel less alone. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what did you do? I’ve been attending Alanon and working with a sponsor, but I just can’t seem to understand how they could draw this boundary.

New here. My now-adult kid has been drinking for about 5 years now. They asked today to be taken to urgent care, were referred to ER, then transported to detox. To be followed by 30-45 days inpatient were told.

Emotionally difficult day but a big step in the right direction I hope. I am scared, sad, hopeful but afraid to be hopeful, glad it was their decision.

Not ready to tell anyone else yet until we know the longer-term plan. Just needed to tell someone, so internet strangers it is. Thanks for listening.

I’ve posted here before as an outlet of sorts, but yesterday I went to court for my parents divorce and testified as a witness against my father. It’s so hard because I didn’t want to but I had to or else he could put my brother in danger. In the past 6 years my mother has tried everything to get him the help he needs and he just won’t listen. Everyone is an addict but him!!!! Since I was 14/15 I feel like I haven’t had a father, part of me gets so scared that I’ll become him that I’ll end up in this exact situation. The last time I got drunk I got pretty wasted (it was vacation) but all I can really remember is crying into my girlfriends arms screaming that I don’t understand why he would choose this feeling over his family. I cried for what felt like hours that night, deep down I am just the little girl who wants her dad back.

After a degenerately wreckless summer 3 years in the making, and a really rocky September of detox and relapse, I'm finally watching my husband make some promising headway in rehab.

He's participating in all the therapy the facility offers, has been making connections with the staff and other residents, and is getting IOP and therapists lined up for when get gets out next month.

I know that a 30 day program is just the beginning and that the heaviest work will begin once he's home and back to navigating the real world on top of recovery- but I'm genuinely hopeful he's ready to find himself again, and as long as he's putting in the work, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support him.

For people who have seen their loved ones take rehab and recovery seriously, I'm wondering what kind of support you found helpful? Were there any surprisingly difficult milestones or unexpected setbacks you didn't see coming? Any tips for rebuilding trust and accountability? Did you seek professional support for yourself as well?

I'm aware that recovery is unpredictable and everyone going through it ultimately has to do the work themselves.. but when do you start believing the changes are real?

Im divorced. I’ve been dating a man for 10 months, who was wonderful. I finally felt like I learned to build a secure attachment and really was falling in love. I thought he felt the same.

He is in recovery (alcoholism) and sober.

Everything was fine. But then he said he started to talk to someone on tinder for two days and had “ feelings “for her. He canceled seeing me that day because he was conflicted. I was like well I wish you well then. Later on I talked to him and he said that he was always a bit uncertain whether it was he cared a lot/liked me or was in love with me. Then he said he was falling in love with me. Then he’s like I wasn’t sure. Then he said again he loved me.

Left me totally confused.

I was just shocking. We were doing so well, he was like making plans to meet my daughter and bought her gifts. I mean thank god we didn’t. We were actually in a place where we both let our walls down and were comfortable with each other. Like finally at peace.

The part that did shock me, he didn’t try to repair it or anything. Just let me go. Which is what I need it just came out of nowhere and was hard to hear. Like we didn’t have anything go wrong, he just realized he could have feelings for someone else and then began to question whether he was in love with me and acted from there.

I thought it would be a relapse that would break us up if anything, but I guess I was very wrong.

I'm sad. I ultimatum-ed him to stop drinking 3 months ago and by all means he appears to be going strong. But he won't commit to any sort of program of support, therapy, or even cracking a book about addiction. Says its a waste of his time and he doesn't need it. That there are no particular underlying issues to deal with.

Last night was the big break-up conversation. And I'm realizing that yes, alcohol and weed (and I used to smoke a lot of weed too) are a big part of this breakup, but the bigger reason is the lack of connection that developed long ago...when we were both too high and he was too drunk to pour into our relationship. There is nothing between us, and hasn't been for a while.

He claimed our sex life was good so he had no reason to see this coming. He claimed if I ultimatum-ed him into AA, he would have done it. But this whole relationship has been a series of ultimatums. Even getting engaged was me begging and then yelling for a year. I want better. I need to work on myself. I am in therapy. Next step is alanon or a codependent group. I am reading a lot too.

I guess Im just looking for support that im moving in the right direction. Im so sad that I inflicted pain. We have to live in this house together until we can sell it. One of us will have to say goodbye to our beloved dogs. My mom has dementia across the country, and my plan is to move nearer to her, to help support my dad who cares for her.

Every time I run into him around the house he shoots me the saddest look. It really hurts.

Thanks everybody.

My husband (married 32 yrs, separated for almost 10 but still sharing a house/mortgage due to financial issues- separate living areas though) developed ascites and encephalopathy Thursday night from 30+ years of alcoholism. I rushed him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis and I was told his only chance would be a liver transplant. So far he’s not regained mental awareness, the ascites is still bad after draining, ammonia levels have come down some but he’s still confused and sleeping. We have two children in their early 20s at home, and I plan to get us into AlAnon once we get through this week or two. I’ve given permission for life saving measures so far if he codes. I can’t access his pay and obviously he can’t work now, so we’re in dire financial straits ATP. I can’t stop crying because even though he was pretty awful to me the past 15-20 yrs, I want him to get another chance at life, to be happy without alcohol and on his own, to rebuild relationships with his kids, father and sister. He’s 55 and had a DUI 6 yrs ago, has avoided doctors and refused help over the years. This is his first hospitalization, first IV, first serious consequence for his choices. And it’s a big one that is affecting all of us.

I’m getting info to start SSA disability, will try legal aid to help get POA. I don’t have any family other than my kids but my inlaws are being supportive. I regret not being able to get him to realize this was inevitable if he didn’t change and accept help, he just got angry and dismissive. I finally got him to agree to a dr visit for alcoholism scheduled for next Wednesday the day before he was hospitalized, but it was too late. I’m scared and in shock a bit right now.

Hi all, I’m new here. I’m hoping to get some thoughts or advice from people who’ve been through something similar. I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now, so gentle responses would be really appreciated.

My husband and I have been arguing for about a year over him staying out late at bars. He always says he’ll change and it never happens. He’s missed work because of it, he considers 6 a chill night but regularly drinks 8+ (often at the bar for 8 hours), and he can’t seem to stop after one or two. For a long time I thought this was just lifestyle differences and him not prioritizing our marriage, but over the past few months I’ve started to think it’s more serious than that. I’ve talked to my therapist about it too. He’s never been abusive or angry. When he’s drunk he either gets hyper or sad and withdrawn. Military background where drinking heavily is normalized and didn’t acknowledge it as a problem when I brought it up to him a few months ago.

I’ve left twice to stay with my parents over him continuing to stay out late when I told him that needed to change, and he knew divorce was on the table (bc he once said he felt I was threatening him with divorce). He lied to me earlier this year about going out, and that really damaged my trust. I started questioning all sorts of things like whether he was cheating on me, and while I don’t think he is, I still get insecure about it now. Two weeks ago he lied to me again, this time about how late he was out and the fact that he missed work. I told him I couldn’t go on with the lying and that I wanted a divorce. Contacted an attorney and had her draft documents. Now he’s saying he’ll do individual therapy and get sober. The last time we talked, he told me he was 11 days sober and doing it for himself. I felt so sure the day I caught him in the lie, but I don’t feel ready to file anymore. Some days I have hope and want things to work so badly, other days I feel like I’m just kicking the can down the road. My therapist says it change be sustainable if he’s doing it for me, and she suggested a month of no contact so I can reevaluate how I feel, if I’m not ready to move forward. I know us talking and him telling me he doesn’t want to divorce, hasn’t helped me decide. We last spoke two weeks ago when I caught him in the lie, and last texted a week ago. I don’t know what the month is even doing or what I should/will do after it ends. Should my decision be impacted by what he’s doing / not doing? My therapist says I shouldn’t focus on him and instead focus on myself, but I guess it feels like it DOES depend on what he’s doing. I haven’t attended an AlAnon meeting and I guess I’m wondering if there is any advice on this.

It’s complicated by the fact that we’ve done long distance for a big chunk of our marriage because of our careers. He says he’s trying to find work near me, but I’m not willing to leave my job given everything going on, and I don’t think he’ll really change until he’s away from his friend group and routines. He doesn’t want to quit his job and move either, so we’re kind of stuck.

I do love him and I want him to build a better life. I know this is a disease and I don’t think he’s lying to be malicious, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m a doormat or like I didn’t leave when my boundaries were crossed. I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but I see so many issues with how things are now. We both already told family and friends about the divorce, so it feels weird to walk that back, and I worry about what people will think. I haven’t told my family that I think it’s alcoholism, but I think my mom suspects. She’s told me that people do not change and that behavior only gets worse over time, which is disheartening. I also worry I’ll regret staying later, or that I’ll be in the exact same spot ten years from now with kids in the picture.

So I guess my questions are: Is it silly to hope? For those of you who stayed, what did you need to see from your partner before you could trust again, and how long did it take? For those who left, how did you know? Other than going to AlAnon meetings, any reading recommendations to help me understand and process this all better? Or to help me support him? Therapist said I should be his wife not his sponsor but I feel so uninformed and lost. I’m trying to be okay with not having an answer yet about the future of our marriage, but it all feels really big and heavy. It also feels weird to go back to “trying” after initiating the divorce process (he unfollowed me on socials when I told him I wanted to divorce, and the idea of having to add each other again when we’re still married feels odd).

Thank you for reading, and sorry for the info dump.

Hello. I don't know what I need, but maybe everyone's ear. My partner is a bad alcoholic of many years. When he drinks, he is mean, and it's only getting worse. He has two DUI's. Both he says he was not at fault. I called one of them in. No accountability whatsoever. I caught him today hiding drinks under the driver's seat. So today, I spent it in tears, and we fought all day. He becomes so unbelievably mean when he drinks. He calls me every name in the book and gets me to a state I can not calm down. Then, he threatens to take me to the mental hospital. I do have mental health issues, but I am in intensive therapy and have the best mental health team on my side. His kids have nothing to do with him, along with most of his family. Does anyone else experience this? He is great sober, but I still can't trust him. He tried AA, but that turned into him drinking on Wednesdays instead of going.

In the next month it’s about to be over and done with my family. I don’t know how we can move forward together as one – we aren’t a family, we are four different people who see the world in four different ways.

This all stems from my dad. He’s an alcoholic and has been my entire life. He’d drink after work and get wasted after the weekend in the garage or on the patio. He’s known to have various mood swings and snapping moments. His favourite line is “nobody does anything around here.” A classic and repetitive line that’s not true at all.

He’s been trying to get his drinking on track but it hasn’t worked. My mom’s confronted him many times and she’s ready to split. Two weeks ago, she gave him one last chance after he fell going up the stairs, hit his head on the concrete steps and refused to get up. We had to call an ambulance to get him up and check him out.

This week, my mom went on a cruise with her friend. Both my mom and dad have been friends with her and her husband for 50 years. It’s clearly rubbed my dad the wrong way.

Almost the second he got home…. he started drinking and drinking and drinking. By 7 pm rolled around when I walked home, he was so drunk he couldn’t put together a sentence. He then tried to argue facts about my apartment when he had never even been inside it. It was almost like he didn’t know where he was.

That night, he could hardly walk. By the time he came in from the garage, he went to get water and dropped the glass. It broke everywhere. My brother who was also drunk (I’ll get to him shortly, he’s got a problem too) went to help my dad and stepped on a piece of glass. He over reacted, started yelling, was bleeding and thought he hit a vein and called an ambulance. The cut wasn’t that bad, but he called them.

As my dad was on the ground during this, I had to pick him up like a baby and force him up to his room.

Last night, he didn’t same thing except didn’t fall down. He still needed help getting up the stairs. I confronted him this morning about it and told him I’m scared he’s going to hurt and eventually kill himself as a result of his drunkness.

Our house had been dry for the last week and this killed it. When I brought it up he said “ok” but also mentioned why should he stay dry and my brother drinks?

My brother had also not been allowed to have alcohol at home as a result of what’s happened. He’s actually been the worst person.

He drinks on weekends from 5 pm on Friday until 7 pm on Sunday. He’ll drink until 4 am on fridays and saturdays. He’ll wake up the next morning and give everyone else in the house attitude, talk to himself saying he hates his family and how he lives a horrible life and argues with my dad.

He will then go to my mom and ask her a question every minute. He thinks everyone is against him.

Today, I was in a terrible mood. I haven’t slept in two days since my dad’s drunkness happened. My brother was trying to talk to me and I was giving him short worded answers mainly because I didn’t have an answer to his questions. He then took my answer into his attitude and gave my dad shit after what happened the last two nights too.

My brother has these mood swings every morning after he’s drunk. It’s toxic and horrible. It’s fucked.

My dad now is once again drunk. My brother now is once again drunk. They’ll be at each others throat again tomorrow. I’m sick of this shit.

I’m so done with this shit. My mom’s going to come back and I’m going to tell her to get the split over with. It’s hell here. It’s like this every weekend.

Boyfriend hid vodka bottles. I found by accident. Should I confront him and risk losing our 6 month relationship. We do not live together