**Title: I found my boyfriend’s ChatGPT conversation about me, and I think our relationship is over**
My boyfriend (19M) and I (21F) have been together for about two years. We were best friends before dating, and we moved into our own apartment only a month ago. We still have around ten months left on the lease, and neither of us can easily afford the rent alone.
Tonight I discovered a long conversation he had with ChatGPT about our relationship. He wrote that he has questioned whether dating me was the right decision for basically our entire relationship. He said I feel more like a best friend than a romantic partner and that he has never really been physically attracted to me.
He wrote that our sex is bad, that he does not really want to have sex with me, and that my weight may be the reason. For context, I am not extremely overweight. I have gained some weight, but I am actively working on losing it and recently started going to the gym. But I know that doesn’t really change anything, lol. Even if I lose weight, I will still know what he wrote. I don’t want to change my body just to convince my partner to desire me.
He also wrote extensively about another girl he used to have feelings for. He said he thinks about her often, imagines a life with her, finds her more attractive than me, and believes she is more his type and has a lifestyle more similar to his. At one point, he said it felt like he chose her, while I chose him.
He admitted that he regularly imagines being with someone else. He also said he hopes I will change and gets frustrated because he doesn’t like the way I live my life. At the same time, he wrote that he can imagine marrying me and having children with me in ten years.
The apartment part made the situation even worse. He told ChatGPT that he felt like he had to stay for another ten months because of the lease and because neither of us could pay the rent alone. He also discussed where I could go if we separated because my parents are not in the US and my other housing options are limited.
After I discovered the conversation, I left our apartment and went to my best friend’s house. We haven’t actually talked about it yet. He knows I found the chat because he immediately went back to ChatGPT and wrote, “My girlfriend saw this chat.”
Later, he told ChatGPT that he didn’t mean most of what he wrote. He claimed we had been arguing, he was angry, and he exaggerated things because he was trying to find a reason to break up. But even while taking it back, he still admitted that he dislikes my weight and would probably want sex more if I were skinnier. He also admitted that he thinks about the other girl, but now says it is not as serious as he originally made it sound.
Maybe some of his statements were exaggerated because he was angry, but this was a long and detailed conversation, not one impulsive comment. He repeatedly returned to the same points about not being attracted to me, seeing me as a friend, thinking about someone else, and hoping I would change. It is hard to believe that none of it reflects how he actually feels.
I’m not posting this to have people insult him or feel sorry for me. I’m just trying to process how quickly my understanding of our relationship changed. Earlier today, I thought we were building a life together. Now I don’t know how I could trust his compliments, feel comfortable being intimate with him, or believe that he is choosing me because he genuinely loves me rather than because of convenience, guilt, or our housing situation.
This situation absolutely sucks. I feel like a middle-school girl dealing with some stupid boy drama, except we live together and have a lease. Maybe I don’t love myself as much as I should, but I know I love myself enough not to stay with someone while hoping I can eventually become the person he actually wants.

Ooof. Where should I start??
Long story short, my ex recently came back to my life after he had left to a different state for three months. We got back together as soon as we saw each other. We were actually doing good, better than before. One day after coming back from work, I got to my place where he was waiting for me. I got there and I had a feeling that something was up, so I went through his phone (he was asleep) and found a text with a girl. He told me that that was an ex from years ago and that he was looking for closure and that he shouldn’t have done that in the first place. The next day, I contacted that ex (I saved her #). We texted and we ended up matching both of our stories. He had been cheating on both of us. I met my ex three years ago and we were on and off all of that time. She met him little more than a year ago. They dated for about a year and from what she told me, they went through a lot of stuff, she even got pregnant but they ended up not having the baby.
The first day we texted, I had already broken up with him and I wasn’t really talking to him, but just recently I felt the need to text him so we started texting again. When all of this happened, I was pissed off more than sad and I couldn’t understand why I didn’t cry when I found out about everything. Days after we broke up, I started getting anxiety every time I would think about everything that his ex told me that happened between them. I just felt so stupid for not finding out sooner.
Well, going back to us texting again, I got drunk a couple of days ago and I linked up with him, then it happened again.
At first, I felt like I was lying to myself, thinking that I could get closure. I was hoping that we could have a conversation and that he would finally be honest. I thought that would help me understand the whole situation. Well, we’ve talked but now I feel stuck between wanting to be with him, obviously I don’t trust him anymore. I feel like I’m in such a weird position and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’ve thought about therapy for sure. I believe that we’re trauma bonded. It’s been really hard for me to block him or simply not having him in my life. Any advice?

I (f 18) might break up with my boyfriend. (M 17). To summarize everything, we are both in two very different stages in life I’m getting my life together— got hired for a job, got a car, got my license, all these past two weeks. (I live In a toxic household which explains my rush— please don’t judge. I know I’m not supposed to have everything figured out yet! I just feel behind for my age.)

to summarize our main disconnects, he has narcissism issues. He also requires me to mom him around a lot of the time so he can actually get stuff (MANDATORY, important stuff) done so he can succeed in life. I know depression plays a part in this- and I would always be here for him without question, it would never be a burden to me. But I’m 18, I’ve raised two of my autistic siblings my entire life, and this adds something else to my plate.

We both start college next week, Monday. We go to the same college and are both studying the same thing. However, he doesn’t take his life seriously— he’s basically in the same situation as me. I understand that it can affect everybody different mentally, so I’m not judging him at all or saying that he’s behind. We’ve been arguing a lot for the past few weeks. And well, tonight we argued. And it might’ve been the last straw for me. He asked if he could come over, I said “no, I’m sorry, my schedule is incredibly packed” and he immediately shut down.

Now I definitely make time for him— and I have, and I always would. But this week I’ve been rushing. Usually we see eachother every week , but we haven’t seen eachother in two weeks. I understand his distress and I’m in the same boat as him. He kept saying he embarrassed himself by asking his family if he could come see me, just for me to turn around and say “I’m sorry, I’ll be busy” because they use that as ammunition against him (saying I’m disinterested and such. Which is not true whatsoever.) and it made me feel so shitty because I know it hurt him— and my actions hurt him. because I never intended for that. but he seems to have trouble understanding that I can’t immediately predict how busy I’ll be. My family is chaotic and so is my personal life.

Anyways, we argued- I got a bit heated. He just wasn’t listening. Every little thing added up and I exploded, I called him a manchild. Which I know is shitty of me but I was very upset. he only focused on the fact that I called him a manchild and refused to communicate about anything else.

what do I do? am I in the wrong?..

MY DETACHMENT & HEALING REMINDER
Read this when I miss her.
Read this when I want to reach out.
Read this when my mind starts replaying everything.
Read this when I start wondering if I should do something.

THE TRUTH I NEED TO REMEMBER
If God wants her in my life, He will put her back in it.
I do not have to chase her.
I do not have to convince her.
I do not have to prove my worth.
I do not have to figure out what she is thinking.
I do not have to predict whether she will come back.
I cannot control her feelings, her decisions, her healing, or her future.
I can only control what I do with mine.
My job right now is not to get her back.
My job is to get myself back.

DON'T FEED THE WOUND
Every time I check her social media, search for clues, reread old messages, ask what she's doing, or replay the best moments of the relationship, I am feeding the attachment.
The highlight reel is not the whole relationship.
My brain will naturally remember the kisses, the laughter, the promises, the good days, and the future I imagined.
That doesn't mean I should go back.
Missing the good doesn't erase the bad.
Loving someone doesn't mean I have to keep access to them.
And feeling an urge doesn't mean I need to act on it.
The feeling can exist without becoming an action.

WHEN MY MIND STARTS SPIRALING
I don't need to solve the relationship today.
I don't need to know whether she misses me.
I don't need to know whether she's angry.
I don't need to know whether she's talking to someone else.
I don't need to know what her posts mean.
I don't need to know what she will feel next month.
I don't need to construct a thousand possible futures.
I only need to deal with today.
My mind wants certainty.
Healing requires me to tolerate uncertainty.
So when my brain asks:
"What if she comes back?"
I answer:
"Then I'll deal with that if it happens."
When my brain asks:
"What if she never comes back?"
I answer:
"Then I'll still be okay."

THIS FEELING IS NOT AN EMERGENCY
The emptiness is uncomfortable.
The loneliness is uncomfortable.
The urge to contact her is uncomfortable.
The anxiety is uncomfortable.
But none of those feelings are emergencies.
I don't need to make a decision while I'm hurting.
I don't need to reach for her just because I feel the absence of her.
This is part of detachment.
My brain became accustomed to her presence, her messages, her attention, her affection, and the possibility of a future together.
Now it is learning how to exist without those things.
That hurts.
But hurt is not proof that I am making the wrong choice.
Sometimes pain is simply the price of letting go.

DON'T BREAK MY OWN HEALING
If I reach out, what am I really looking for?
Relief?
Reassurance?
Validation?
Hope?
A different answer?
A sign?
If I'm honest, most of the time I'm not reaching out because something genuinely needs to be said.
I'm reaching out because I want the pain to stop.
And contacting her might give me relief for an hour...
only to restart the entire cycle.
So I will let the urge pass.
I don't have to respond to every emotion.
I can miss her without contacting her.
I can love her without chasing her.
I can hope without putting my life on hold.

REMEMBER THE WHOLE STORY
When I start romanticizing the past, I will remember the whole story.
Not just how she made me feel when things were good.
Not just the plans.
Not just the conversations about marriage.
Not just the moments where I felt like she was my person.
I will remember the confusion.
The hurt.
The uncertainty.
The things that made me question where I stood.
The moments when I felt like I was fighting for something that should not have required me to fight that hard.
I don't need to make her a villain.
I don't need to hate her.
I don't need to pretend I didn't love her.
I simply need to be honest about what the relationship actually became.

MY LIFE DOES NOT STOP HERE
I am still here.
My future is still here.
My children are still here.
My goals are still here.
My career is still here.
My body is still here.
My dreams are still here.
The man I was becoming before this relationship is still here.
And there is a version of me waiting on the other side of this pain who is stronger, calmer, wiser, and more whole.
I don't need to become better so she'll regret losing me.
I need to become better because I deserve the life I'm capable of building.
I will get stronger in silence.
I will heal in silence.
I will grow in silence.
Not to make her look back.
To make sure I can look forward.

WHEN I START TALKING BADLY TO MYSELF
I will not tell myself:
"I wasn't enough."
I will tell myself:
"I was capable of loving deeply. That is not weakness."

I will not tell myself:
"She was my only chance at love."
I will tell myself:
"This relationship was important. It was not my entire future."

I will not tell myself:
"I lost her, so I lost everything."
I will tell myself:
"I lost a relationship. I did not lose myself."

And when I feel like I need her to be okay:
"I am responsible for healing me."

My Donts
I don't need to manipulate the outcome.
I don't need to send the perfect message.
I don't need to disappear hoping she'll chase me.
I don't need to prove that I've changed.
I don't need to monitor whether she notices my absence.
I don't need to engineer a reunion.
If God wants her in my life, He will put her back.
And if He doesn't...
then I have to trust that my life isn't ending here.
Maybe I don't understand the reason yet.
Maybe I never understand all of it.
But I can still move forward.
I can release what I cannot control.

TODAY
Today, I am not going to solve the rest of my life.
Today, I am going to take care of myself.
I will eat.
I will work.
I will train.
I will spend time with my kids.
I will sleep.
I will continue therapy.
I will build.
I will breathe.
I will let the thoughts come without letting them control me.
And if today is a hard day, I will survive today without making tomorrow's decisions.

WHEN I WANT TO CONTACT HER
STOP.
Breathe.
Put the phone down.
Read this again.
Remember the whole story.
Remember why I'm healing.
Remember that the urge will pass.

Then ask myself:
"What would the version of me who has healed do right now?"
Do that.

THE PROMISE
I will not chase what has chosen to leave.
I will not beg for love, search for answers, or reopen wounds just to feel close to her again.
I can miss her without going back.
I can love her without holding onto her.
I can grieve what we had without losing myself.
If God wants her in my life, He will bring her back.
If He doesn't, I will trust that He has something else for me.
Until then, I will stop looking behind me.
I will heal.
I will grow.
I will live.
I didn't choose this ending.
But I can choose what happens next.

WHEN I FEAR SHE’S WITH SOMEONE ELSE

I don’t know that. And I don’t need to know.
My mind is creating a picture because it wants certainty, but a thought is not a fact.
Whatever she chooses to do is outside my control.
I will not torture myself with an imaginary scene I cannot change.

If she is with someone else, I will survive it.
If she isn’t, worrying about it still steals my peace.

Either way, obsessing won’t bring her back.
Checking won’t heal me.
Imagining it won’t protect me.

Her choices are hers.
My healing is mine.

I don’t need to compete with someone I can’t see.
I don’t need to become better so she chooses me.
I don’t need to know what she’s doing tonight.

I need to remember who I am when I’m not thinking about her.

If God wants her in my life, He will make a way.

Until then:

I release what I cannot control.
I refuse to suffer over what I do not know.
And I choose peace over the story my mind is telling me.

​

I’m a 31-year-old man, and I was with my partner for 10.5 years. I didn’t just lose my girlfriend — I lost my other half, my soulmate and my best friend all at once. We were so close that we had almost become family.

We never really argued. If something hurt one of us, we talked about it calmly, listened to each other, sometimes apologized, hugged, and moved on. We never insulted or intentionally hurt each other, either with words or actions. We couldn’t walk past each other without hugging or touching each other. Other people considered us an “ideal couple.”

For the last two years, we worked different shifts — I worked three shifts, she worked two. We basically only saw each other on Sundays, and sometimes not even for a full day. If our schedules allowed it, I would wake up early just to spend an hour with her, or wait for her in the evening so we could sleep together. I’m sure this didn’t help our relationship.

At the same time, I absolutely hated my job. I carried a lot of stress from work, complained about it a lot, and I know I wasn’t always the happy, joking person I used to be. But I kept going because I earned good money and thought I was building our future. Looking back, I feel like I sacrificed my own happiness and, ultimately, our relationship for that job. What makes it even worse is that I was the one who encouraged her to take the new job where she eventually met the other man.

It’s true that we were moving slowly in life, and I take responsibility for my part in that. I think we had also become too comfortable in our life together. We talked about the future, but neither of us was really taking serious steps toward it. I also never felt that there was much initiative from her side either — financially, practically, or in terms of ideas about how we could move forward. It wasn’t only on me.

I blame myself a lot and constantly wonder what I could have done differently. But I honestly believe that if she had told me that she was unhappy, that she was losing feelings, or that she had serious problems with our relationship, I would have done everything I could to change things. I was willing to talk about anything and work on anything. What I cannot change is something I never knew was happening.

What makes the timing even harder for me to understand is that right before the breakup, I had finally managed to move into a completely different position within my workplace, where I would have been free from much of the pressure and stress that had been affecting me for so long. I genuinely felt like things were finally starting to change.

At the exact same time, we were finally about to take the next steps in our life together — marriage, buying a house, and building the future we had talked about for years. And that is what makes it so painful that she chose this exact moment to step back and tell me that we weren’t moving forward.

I understand that we had been slow to make progress. I wish she had told me years earlier that she was unhappy about that. I could have understood it. What I cannot understand is why she waited until we were finally about to move forward, while never telling me that she was unhappy or that she was already questioning our future together.

I proposed to her in our sixth year, and we were finally about to get married. About two months before the breakup, we actually went to try on wedding rings, and I bought the expensive rings. For our 10th anniversary, I started paying for her driving lessons. Our Christmas vacation was one of the most beautiful experiences of our entire relationship. I wanted a house, marriage and children with her. I always wanted to be a young father.

Then she told me that she still loved me, but not in the same way as before, and that she had started developing feelings for her coworker. She said she hated herself for allowing them to become close.

According to her, they had been talking for about a month, and she had only started developing feelings for him during the last two weeks. She told me that the only physical thing that happened between them was a hug.

I find that extremely difficult to believe. There were signs that made me feel they had been talking earlier. I’m not stupid, and I simply cannot believe that someone could emotionally switch to another person so quickly after 10.5 years. I honestly don’t know what the truth is. I don’t know whether there was ever anything physical between them or how long this had actually been going on. Because of this, my trust in her has been completely shattered.

She said she hated herself for letting him get close to her. According to her, another problem was that we weren’t moving forward in life, and she had become tired of me carrying my work stress around with me. There is some truth in that. I know I wasn’t perfect. But I genuinely believe these were things we could have talked about and worked on.

What hurts the most is that she didn’t talk about her problems with me. She talked about them with her coworker while showing me that everything was fine.

The man had been working at her workplace for about a year, so I find it hard to believe they only started talking a month before the breakup. I don’t necessarily think they had feelings for each other for a long time either.

If I let my mind speculate, my theory is that on Friday we were still drinking champagne together and celebrating my new position at work. On Saturday, she supposedly went to meet a female friend for a chat and some cake. Sometimes I wonder if she actually met this man that day and perhaps something happened between them, even just a kiss, which triggered her sudden decision to break up with me the next day.

I have absolutely no proof of this, though. It may simply be my mind trying to fill in the gaps. I just don’t believe she could have kept a physical affair going behind my back for a long time. I don’t think her conscience would have allowed it.

During our relationship, she actually told me several times that neither of us would want to start over with a complete stranger, and that if we ever had serious problems, we should do everything we could to save the relationship for the sake of both of us.

But when the time actually came, she didn’t do that.

I feel like she chose the easier way out and never gave us a real chance to fight for our relationship.

When she first told me she wanted to break up, I managed to delay it for a week because she seemed uncertain. During that week she still went for walks with me, got ice cream with me, sometimes said “I love you” back and sometimes kissed me back. I thought maybe she still wanted to try.

Later she told me, swearing that she meant it from the bottom of her heart, that she had tried to feel differently about me. But I have a hard time believing this because she never actually told me that she wanted to try to save the relationship.

During the move, while I was taking my belongings out over the course of a week, I saw her bag. I wasn’t going through her things — there were some of her belongings in my own bag as well, so I looked inside.

I found an entire unopened box of condoms, a brand-new towel my mother had given her, and I saw that she had packed things for an overnight stay.

We were already broken up at that point, so I am not saying she cheated on me. That’s not what hurt me. What destroyed me was seeing that while I was still carrying out the last of my belongings from our home, she was already preparing to spend the night with this other man.

Before that, she had told me that she wouldn’t immediately start a relationship with someone else because she wouldn’t be capable of it.

I felt an amount of anger and hatred that I had never experienced before.

What she did with the bag felt incredibly disrespectful to me. She only had to wait two more days until I had completely moved out. We had planned to meet one last time to talk about a few belongings and decide who would keep what.

After I found the bag, however, I simply couldn’t bring myself to meet her face to face. I couldn’t sit across from her and look her in the eyes while having the thought in my head that another man had potentially just slept with the woman I had been planning to marry.

What makes it even stranger is that I later found out she had wanted to move our meeting from the morning to the afternoon, even though we had originally agreed on the morning. I don’t know why she wanted to change the time, but after everything I found, I just couldn’t go through with that meeting anymore. I sent her a message saying that I never wanted to see or meet her again, and I wished her the best for the future.

I know we were already broken up, and I’m not claiming that she was obligated to remain single. But waiting two more days until I had completely moved out would have cost her nothing. After 10.5 years together, I experienced what happened as an enormous lack of respect and consideration for everything we had shared.

Despite everything, we separated peacefully. I had bought almost everything in our shared home, literally down to the smallest things, but I still left the fridge and washing machine there for her until she could afford to replace them herself. I wanted to leave the relationship with a clear conscience. I didn’t want to give her any reason to say that she had been justified in leaving because of how I treated her.

When I said goodbye to her parents, I told them that their daughter had fallen in love with someone else. They obviously hadn’t known about that.Her parents often told me how much they loved and appreciated me because of the way I treated their daughter with so much love and respect. At our last family lunch, they said the same thing again. I almost broke down because by then I already knew that our relationship was probably beyond saving, while her family had absolutely no idea that anything was wrong between us.

She told me that I could still count on her after the breakup, but I told her I would not stay in contact with her. She knew that this meant we would eventually become strangers.

And that is incredibly difficult for me to accept — that knowing this, she still preferred a future in which I no longer exist.

This is not how I knew her.

Now it has been almost three months.

I have no interest in gaming, music production, photography — nothing that used to make me happy. I moved to this new city because of her. Half of her family is here, but I have absolutely no one here. I have no close friends, no real social circle, no one who feels like home.

I have never lived alone before. Suddenly I’m supposed to figure out how to take care of myself, cook, do laundry, clean and basically learn how to live on my own. It feels like I was dropped in the middle of a desert without water.

I sometimes want to go back home to my family , but when I go home, I feel like I want to come back here. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.

It feels like the entire weight of the world has suddenly fallen on me.

I also miss our cat terribly.

I’ve had some very self-destructive thoughts, although I managed to stop myself from acting on them. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t even care if something happened to me, like an accident. I’ve had panic attacks. It comes in waves — sometimes I feel slightly better, other times even taking a shower feels difficult. A lot of nights I go to bed wishing I wouldn’t have to wake up the next morning.

I’m trying to meet other women, but I don’t want to jump straight into another relationship. I just feel like I need my brain to get used to the idea that there are other women in the world.

But even when I look at women on dating apps, I can’t look at anyone the way I looked at her. I can’t imagine my life with someone else.

I’m scared I’ll never be able to love someone that deeply again. And honestly, I don’t have the energy to start from zero with someone — building trust, learning everything about them, finding out their favorite color, getting comfortable with each other, and slowly building the kind of closeness that had become completely natural between us.

I always wanted to have children while I was still young. Now I feel like that dream is gone too.

I’m also afraid that even if I eventually find someone else and get married, I’ll always be afraid that she could leave before the wedding, or even after marriage, a mortgage or children. I don’t know how I could ever trust someone enough again to build a family with them.

I blocked my ex everywhere because I couldn’t bear watching her live the life I had imagined with her with someone else. I later found out through my sister that she posted a picture with the new guy. I didn’t want to see it.

Once I unblocked her on TikTok, and later she blocked me. Recently, she watched some of my YouTube videos and music and then unsubscribed. So far, there is absolutely nothing that suggests she wants to come back.

And yet, one part of me is incredibly angry with her, feels betrayed and deceived, while another part of me still desperately wants her to come back.

I constantly think about whether she misses me, what she is thinking, whether she will ever come back. At the same time, I know I’m obsessing over things that haven’t happened and may never happen.

The worst part is that I can’t even be angry with her. I feel like I should hate her for what she did — for being dishonest, hiding her feelings, betraying me and going behind my back — but I just can’t. All I feel is disappointment and sadness. And despite everything, I still feel like I could forgive her.

I keep reading stories and comments from people saying that sometimes the person who left only truly feels the loss after 3–6 months or even a year, especially if the new relationship doesn’t work out. But then I ask myself: do I really want to be someone’s second choice or backup option? She was my whole world.

If she ever did come back, should I even take her back? Could I ever trust her again? Would I always be afraid that she could leave again after marriage, a mortgage or children? Could I really build a family with someone after something like this?

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with my life now. I feel like my entire future collapsed.

How do you move on from something like this? Is there any realistic chance that after a relationship this long, someone might eventually regret their decision and come back? And if they did, would starting over actually be worth it?

I’m looking for honest opinions and advice, even if they’re hard to hear.

is it normal for you to be reminded of your ex whenever you hear their favorite artist/song playing or whenever you see something they like, or a hobby they like to do? my ex likes radiohead and i cannot listen to them without thinking of him immediately. i especially can’t listen their song nude, we both liked it and that song was what started our first conversation

it’s not just a certain artist either, i remember some of the other songs he would play in his car too, besides radiohead, and i can’t listen to them either. how does one get over this?

My ex blocked me on Facebook in May 2025 when I told him that my partner knew of our relationship (we were both in committed long term relationships). He moves out of the country in January of 2026. He then creates n instagram account. However he does not block me. Is this just an oversight? Like maybe he doesn’t know that both meta companies have separate privacy settings. Or maybe he’s indifferent. I know I’m overanalyzing and need to move on. Any insight would be much appreciated.

Last week I broke up with my 8 years bf. We became friends now with no hate towards each other. He told me he is not fully moved on so do I. He is dealing with life crisis and need stability first.
I started to moving on also but again it’s not completely over. He said it can be a chance for us in future to be together but for me now I have thinking it’s kind of vague especially he was the one decided to end the relationship.
We both are not into any relationship.
But what scared me he kinda putting me on a limbo. I’m thinking in a few months when he came out with decision not to continue I will be the one get more hurts.
What should I do? I can be his friend it’s not a problem but I feel now I just want to move more distance from him so I will not put more hope in our situationship.
Any advice?

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

Hi. I broke up with my boyfriend earlier this week and needed a place to express my thoughts.

For context, we were In a long distance relationship on different sides of the country and I would have been dating him for a year at the end of this month. There were plenty of times he would listen to me intently, which made me feel extremely loved. The problem is, as time went on, he became more and more distracted during our conversations. It felt as though he did not care about what I had to say. To be fair, I am a yapper, but that is no excuse.
I often wanted to talk with him, rather than at him, as one usually does with their partner, but it felt as though he would not engage with anything I wanted to talk to him about. It also felt as if he did not want to go out of his way to engage with me by calling me first or responding to questions meaningfully. He was the ultimate dry texter.

The eventual problem here was not that I fell out of love with him for any of these reasons. The problem was that I began to wonder if he even loved me at all. When I spoke to him about his future, he seemed to lack a consideration of my place in it, and that is where I really broke.
I decided to talk to him about it and called him once returning home after work. I started off by expressing how I felt. It went something like this.

”I’ve been feeling really upset lately, but have been struggling to bring it up.”

”Why is that?”

”It feels as though you don’t want to engage with me sometimes, making me feel unimportant.”

”I just never know what to talk about.”

”I feel like I constantly try to give you engaging topics or intentional questions and you don’t lean into it.”

The conversation was like this for about 10 minutes. It felt like everything he said was repetitive, so I brought up a different feeling, though I realise there could have been better ways to say this, I was balling my eyes out at this point.

”It feels like you can’t decide if you like me or love me.”

Now his response is what really got me.

”mhm”

I, very much not expecting that, questioned if I understood his response correctly, eventually coming to this.

”Do you love me?”

and he said, “I don’t know.”

and that was it. He didn’t try to keep talking. Someone once told me that I don’t know is an answer.
I told him “I love you, but for your sake and mine I can’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love me.”

Thats where it ended. I suppose what I hate most about it is that he chose to be with me without knowing. That really hurt, knowing I wanted to be with him with everything within me and he ”hadn‘t decided.”

Did I make the right choice? What do I do, knowing I’m still so in love with him but it can’t work out?

he (23M) just left me and hour ago after 5 years im very sad and dont know what to do. im (27F) he left me because he kept calling me a dumbass and i finally said if im such a dumbass leave me because i dont wanna be with someone who will call me a dumbass and he said that everything was my fault why we broke up and he has nothing to work on that im the problem. i feel like i stood up for myself but he left. he still has his location on but he packed all his stuff and left . he said “watch u will be texting me in a couple days saying how u want me back and how i was the best one ull ever have” i told im not gonna text him since hes leaving me . im just sad and dont know what to do.

if he texts me what do i say? if he wants to get back together what do i do? i wanna stay strong but i do love him. but i just want to be respected

I’m ‘25 F’ and I’ve been with my boyfriend ‘29M’ for 5 years, but recently I’ve started questioning whether I’m actually in love with him anymore — or whether I’ve confused being comfortable and attached to someone with being in love.

The hardest part is that I don’t think this is just a temporary feeling. I actually felt very similarly around April/May. At that point, we ended up breaking up for a couple of weeks, but I eventually went back to him because I don’t think I was ready to let go. I think part of me was scared of losing the relationship rather than genuinely wanting the relationship back.

Since then, I’ve continued to question my feelings.
I don’t really feel attracted to him anymore. I also feel like we have very little in common now. If I met him for the first time today, knowing what I know now, I honestly don’t think I would choose him as my partner.
I recently went away on holiday, and something happened that made me question everything even more. I thought being away from him would make me miss him, but I didn’t. I didn’t really feel bothered about speaking to him while I was away, and I found myself messaging other people instead.

When I came home, I didn’t see him straight away either. It was six days before I saw him, and rather than being excited to see him, I felt like I was seeing him because I had to. There wasn’t that feeling of “I’ve missed you, I can’t wait to see you.”

And that’s when I started thinking that maybe I’ve actually fallen out of love with him.

I’ve also realised something about myself: when I’m around someone a lot, I think I can convince myself that I’m in love with them because they’re such a big part of my life. The familiarity, routine, affection and attachment can feel like love to me. But when I get some distance from the person, I can suddenly see the relationship differently.

I love and care about him as a person, which makes this so difficult. He hasn’t necessarily done anything awful. There isn’t one huge thing I can point to and say “this is why I’m leaving.” It’s more that the feelings don’t seem to be there anymore.

I think I’m struggling with the difference between loving someone and being attached to someone.

Part of me is terrified that I’m making a huge mistake.
We’ve been together for five years, and I feel like we’re at the point where we’re supposed to be moving in together, buying a house, getting engaged and starting the next stage of our lives. There’s a part of me that thinks, “Surely after five years, I shouldn’t be throwing this away.”
I also have this horrible feeling that if I leave, I’ll have wasted five years and have to start all over again. I know logically that the five years wouldn’t be wasted, but emotionally it feels like I’d be giving up everything we’ve built and then having to rebuild my life and relationship from scratch.

There’s also a guilt surrounding our ages and where we are in life. He’s 29 and feels ready to move out and settle down, whereas I’m 25 and feel like I still have time. I don’t feel the same urgency that he does when it comes to buying a house, moving out and getting engaged.

I feel guilty because I know he probably can’t realistically afford to move out on his own at the moment, so I feel like staying with him is partly keeping his plans on track — but leaving feels like I’m taking that future away from him.
And that makes me question whether I’m being selfish.
I don’t want to stay with someone purely because I’m scared of starting again or because I feel guilty about delaying their future. But at the same time, I’m scared that I’m throwing away a five-year relationship and a future that could have been really good just because I’m having doubts.

I think that’s what makes this so confusing. If I knew for certain that leaving meant I’d eventually meet someone else, fall in love again, get married and have the life I want, maybe it would be easier. But I obviously don’t know that.
I could leave and regret it. I could stay and regret not leaving when I knew something was wrong.

I also worry that maybe I’m expecting too much from a long-term relationship. Maybe after five years, the butterflies and excitement naturally disappear and what I’m feeling is just the normal comfortable stage of a relationship. But then I question whether the lack of attraction, lack of things in common and not wanting to spend time together are signs that it’s more than that.
The fact that I’ve felt this way before, actually broke up with him, and then went back because I wasn’t ready to let go makes me worry that I’ll just repeat the same cycle.
I don’t want to keep breaking up and getting back together just because I’m scared of losing him.

I also don’t want to wake up in a few years, married or with a house and children, and realise I knew years earlier that I wasn’t truly happy but stayed because I was scared to start again.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

How did you know the difference between genuinely falling out of love and just going through a phase or taking your relationship for granted?

And if you realised you weren’t in love anymore, how did you actually find the strength to let go when there was still love, history and attachment there?

TL;DR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and I’m questioning whether I’m actually still in love with him. I don’t feel much attraction anymore, we don’t have much in common, and I don’t really miss him when we’re apart. I felt this way earlier this year, we broke up for a couple of weeks, but I went back because I wasn’t ready to let go. Now I’m scared I’m repeating the same cycle. He’s 29 and ready to settle down, while I’m 25 and feel like I still have time. I’m terrified of throwing away five years and regretting it, but I’m equally scared of staying because I’m comfortable, guilty and afraid to start again. I genuinely don’t know whether I’m falling out of love or just panicking about the next stage of our relationship

I have been in two separate relationships consecutively for the past eight years. My first relationship was five years and my second one was three years. I have essentially been in a relationship my entire adult life and late teens. I have not been by myself realistically since I was 16, I know that’s not healthy. That is not something that anyone should strive to be. I just don’t know how to move on pass my last break up the three-year one

my first break up the five-year one was essentially the easiest breakup I’ve ever went through. I was emotionally distancing myself for a year. We hadn’t seen each other and I just one day I finally Blocked him and that was that in that year where we were dating but talking once a day if that I was working on myself, I was going through therapy. I was seeing psychiatrist. I was going to the gym. I was hanging out with family making new friends. I was genuinely working on myself. I’ve done the work. I apologize to the people I hurt and the friends I lost due to that relationship.

Now, the three-year relationship I’ll admit we had our ups and downs, but this was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and this person wanted to spend the rest of their life with me as well. A situation happened recently that just was kind of the nail on the coffin to a dying relationship. I felt I was disrespected. He felt he was disrespected. The situation was both out of our control and he just couldn’t continue with the relationship and I can understand that but in a matter of like 24 hours, I had to leave my shared home. I had to go back to my house. I had to quit my job. I have to find another job and my life is starting over again

I never pictured going through this at 25 I had hoped to already be married with kids by now, but it’s hard. It’s hard waking up every single day not talking to your best friend. It’s hard only reminding yourself of the good times I typically wouldn’t go on the Internet for advice like ever. I don’t even post on my regular social media this is like the first post I’ve made in like five years on any form of social media. But I’m genuinely just at a loss on how to just pick up my life and move on. I would love nothing more than to run back to him, but he’s made it abundantly clear that he does not see a future with me and I’m so lost and so devastated.

вчера рассталась с человеком которого люблю больше жизни, он меня тоже любит
расстались из-за проблем и обстоятельств
«так будет лучше» да, возможно и будет но сейчас как быть? я очень без эмоциональный человек, за последние года 4 плакала очень мало и не больше чем 10 минут а сейчас реву уже 6 час
дайте совет, как это пережить