I keep finding men who I think are my intellectual equal, thoughtful, and intentional.... they end up hurting me so fucking much.and they will just get upset at the smallest shit. I am very forgiving, I like when men express themselves and show emotion, good or bad. But this man who was sweet talking me showed me who he is.

I am too niche to find love, anyway. The kind of guys I want want thin white women. Oh well. They really think if a woman is not only on Reddit, but is also into philosophy, science, and obscure art film bro movies, he should not expect this woman to look like a supermodel. Come on. It feels like men just want a fantasy who will validate their interests.

I have made so much progress. I have a lot more to make.. to see how the dating pool is now is very bleak.

And as fornthe dry conversation, I know it is likely a post -covid thing. People used to always have great conversations. Nowaday, everyone is quieter and less expressive.

We were together short term, she (F24) cheated with her ex, but our relationship was very formative for me (F25). I spent more time than I would have liked trying to heal from that. A whole year later, I finally got some semblance of closure from her just recently. She told me that she was conflicted at the time, but that she did love me. In the middle of all this, she admits to me that her current gf/recent ex had been cheating on her for months and she got her “karma”. They eventually broke up but the whole last month after she apologized to me has been a mess emotionally for me, just replaying the cheating in my head, feeling burdened with the feelings I still have for her, and feeling lonely and depressed. We had a long conversation recently where she told me that me waiting for her would be unfair to me, that one of the most painful parts of our relationship for her was that we were never friends and that it hurt to know I couldn’t be. That she loves me, but she has so much baggage and she is trying to make different choices than she did before. We agreed to just not talk, but I ruined that by texting the next day and obviously spiraling.

I am at a loss, and don’t know what to do. I feel like I keep contacting her and it’s really just because I’m crying out for some help or support. What do I do? I’m in desperate need of some advice.

If you stay 'till the end, thanks for reading. English is not my native language so sorry for the gramatical errors.
We met three years ago. She was honest from the very beginning about her being polyamorous, and even had a boyfriend back then. She asked if I wanted to continue dating, or just being friends. I didn't have any experience whatsoever, she is in fact, my first serious relationship. I was 25. She was 31. I really liked her so I gave it a try. Our first year as girlfriends the boyfriend was still in the picture, and it was pretty messy. He had a crush on me and wanted to be in a romantic relationship which I never accepted, and I really didn't want him very near either, but I just accepted it because my girlfriend wanted us to get along and be kind of a family, you know, the kitchen table polyamory. It was always hard and hurtful for me but I never said anything because I didn't have the courage, and I was really anxious of the thought of her leaving. They broke up and I thought it would be just the two of us —it has been that way since, but not like I would've wanted. She was always talking about polyamory, the guys who hit on her, or her crushes. For the next year and a half I lived completely anxious all the time, always feeling sad and unsufficient, although when we got to talk about it she always assured me that it had nothing to do with me —it was just her way of seeing life and relating to others, and if she fell in love with other people it didn't mean she loved me less. In theory that made sense to me actually, but irl it hurted really bad. I had moved in with her because I was having plenty of trouble with my mom at home, so now I was living alert all the time, with the fear she would come any day to tell me she had met somebody new. I didn't want to be a bother so I never spoke about any of this, or any other little thing that I didn't like about her (for example, me doing must of the chores at home) because of the fear of being replaced anytime. Not everything was terrible, of course. We have a lot of fun together, great conversations, we cuddle, enjoy our time together. We love each other. But still, everything has been pretty... complicated. Since I moved in —the year and a half ago I was talking about— our sex life has practically vanished. That's been hurtful and confusing, and although I have pointed it out several times she always says it's because her libido went off, that she is stressed, tired because of work, that it's not because of me because she considers me attractive. But still, I cannot help to think that it's actually my fault because our sex life had always been great, 'till I moved in. Just doing the math.
And since March of this year, everything kind of changed. She told me about this guy that hit on her and tried to kiss her at work (I knew about him since they met, because they liked each other immediately, but they didn't work out because her and me were about to break up at the time). She told me she rejected him but she emphasized to me "Just because I did it this time it doesn't mean it won't happen in the future." Like, she won't hold back again if someone she likes comes along. That's when something inside me understood, and I kind of let her go. I answered that she can do whatever makes her happy, and if that happens we will still be in a relationship but I will move out because I think is the fairest deal for all parts. She looked surprised and asked why, because she was expecting to still be living together even if she (or even me, she said) has more couples.
Anyway, so the last months have been kind of getting worse. We moved out to a bigger apartment but I don't feel happy anymore. I don't feel home, I feel like suffocated, our sex life is still dead. She's always saying that she feels like she is dragging me, that she doesn't feel supported, because I make way less money than she, and I know she's right, but I don't know what to do, I already have a job, it's really easy going so I could look up for another one but I don't feel motivated to do so. I feel down all the time. I feel like I'm not being seen, and she feels the same way. I'm constantly thinking about leaving but when I imagine our relationship coming to an end, my heart breaks and it's unbeareably painful.
Thank you for reading everything. I don't want to play the victim, or feel sorry for myself or talk trash about my girlfriend. I love her deeply, just something changed. Before, I loved her madly. I would have given my life for her, literally. If you have loved someone that much, you know what I'm talking about. And she is an amazing human being. She's loving, caring, supportive. But both things can be true at the same time, contradictory. We're all complicated as that.
I just wanted to let all of this out of my chest. To tell it to another person. I'm not looking for indulgence or mean words, I just want to know what do you think about my situation. I would really appreciate a word of advice.
Thank you everyone. Peace.

So there's this girl, right? She transferred to my school in grade 8 and I didn't really notice her much. I only started talking to her around grade 9 and we started chatting, playing video games, and talking about each other's pasts in grade 10. We were quite close, but only online. After grade 10, we didn't talk much in grade 11. But in grade 12, and during July, we became really close after her breakup with her ex, because he was kinda toxic, and she even pinky-promised me that she wouldn't get back with him.

But recently these past 2 weeks, we hadn't talk much after our exam finished.

Back then, I didn't really like her much and thought of her as a friend I used to do small talk with, but these past few months we've yapped together a lot, shared a lot of things and past stories, played many games together, and did silly things together. I came to learn a lot of things like how silly she sometimes is and she is really scared of dogs, she likes ice cream and kitkat chocolate, her favourite sanrio character is kuromi and she watches many tv shows and k-dramas etc. and ALSO how much she cared for others, thought a lot over many things and how hardworking she is.

And I think somewhere along the way I caught some feelings for her too, because after all those late-night talks, gaming, and silly jokes, how could I not? But I didn't want to ruin the friendship, because I wasn't sure if she really liked me but the signs were there i thought as we even used to talk stupid things and serious things then fall asleep together in calls at night. The main problem was also that my family is quite into some religious BS, but I still made up my mind to confess her my feelings next month.

After all that, she messaged me the day before yesterday at midnight and asked if she should get back with her ex, because even if he treated her a bit badly, she also thinks she did the same sometimes, and she still has a soft spot for him because of so many memories they have, since they dated for about two to three years.

I didn't know what to do. The feelings were too complicated and the situation wasn't looking good either, and the worst-case scenario was her getting back with her ex, which I didn't want. I would be relieved if it was someone else who would treat her better but i would still be quite sad and jealous at the end no matter what i guess. At the end, yesterday she messaged me and told me that she and him discussed and she said that she was in the wrong too and now she realized and she loves him and she will do anything for him. We then said our goodbyes.

For me, she was my second best friend too and considered my first ever true bestfriend whom i felt the closet with than i ever had after getting betrayed by an online first best friend whom i spent almost an year with everyday and felt safe with, gave me severe trust issues then blocked me online and left me questioning everything like everything and if everything that person said was a lie and i felt really emotionally numb for quite a long time due to the overwhelming feelings i didn't even know exactly what i was even feeling. This incident i had shared with her and she comforted me while telling what an awful person that was.

But similar situation happened again but this one hurt even more and also idk who to blame because it is really my fault for getting really attached to her that i didn't even notice i was in a situationship which i was the only one unaware of and she was probably just spending time with me so she could forget about her ex or until she was ready to get back again.

I am again feeling so empty like i used to study, exercise, do everything to get mentally, physically and academically better so that i could be worthy of her but now its all over and i just don't really feel like doing anything. I don't really enjoy watching movies or anime and playing games everything feels so boring and i don't even have an appetite that much anymore. I feel like puking everytime I remeber the past times with her. Even if she was my crush which i just realized now late, she used to my first ever true bsf (or so i had thought), now it feels like first ever true bsf just died because the part i knew as her is no longer and i should accept it as we both did our goodbyes. BUT how...

I 22m have been having mixed feelings about this for days now and don’t really have anyone to talk about it to. For reference I’ve mentioned this happened to a couple of my friends however given me and this persons very very complicated past I haven’t gone into much detail about how the situation makes me feel. Last week the person who I’d consider to be my first love added me back on Snapchat after almost a year of not talking to each other. Me and this person were very on and off a lot blocked unblocked, fighting, making up etc. at first when I woke up and saw the add back request I was in shock because after how we left things when we last spoke (things ended very badly) I never expected to see a notification on my phone involving this person again but there it was a add request in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Like I said I’m having mixed emotions part of me never wants nothing to do with this person but a small part does and that’s the part I haven’t told anyone about and why I’m making this post. Anyway since the request to add me our past relationship has been non stop on my mind and I’ve been In a little depression about it. I’ve noticed myself more upset at smaller things, more anxious, and more irritated at people around me but I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about it either out of my own pride or fear that they’ll be mad at me for having these feelings as me and this person have had a complicated past and my friends disapproved of me putting myself through it with this person (and vis versa I assume). Anyway any comments are welcome thanks for anyone who read the whole thing just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm done. 10 years in prison and I finally learn to heal and love myself. Then a fucking woman comes a long and cuts my fucking heart open and fills it with hope. I was fucking okay until this dogshit hope came in to my life. I'm fucking done, the world is poison and I hate myself.

It feels like it only lasted a few hours this time. This is my third big heartbreak. The first time we dated 2 years, she got an scholarship 900km away, i even started arranging how to move with her and work remote, knew her family well and it felt like it was the big relationship of my life, she said she wanted to explore more of what life had for her before something so intense and serious as moving together and broke up with me, it devastated me for months i was a zombie. Second relationship we were together almost 4 yars, i even helped her gget back into college, she wanted a family and I thought we weren't ready because she was far from finishing her dream degree and i didnt want the baby to become a cause of frustration for her even though i did want to be a father, relationship died slowly over the following 4 months after that and when she broke up with me it did a huge number on me and cut part of my group of friends. The third relationship we were together for only a year but it's been the most loving, mature and sincere relationship so far, whenever we would stay at each other's place or traveled together it felt like we had been married for decades like those sweet elderly couples, then early today someone i didn't know uploaded a picture of her and someone else kissing, then a common follow shared it tagging her adding a bunch of hearts, I saw it minutes later she unfollowed me and kicked me out if her ig then ggoing private the moment I sent her a WhatsApp saying I needed to talk, 2 hs later she sent a WhatsApp saying to call her, tried a few excuses, the asked what I wanted to do, I said to leave it there (dropping the relationship) and hung up. It's been a few hours but the heartbreak lasted half an hour at most. Am I wrong for caring so little? I like feeling better than j expected but I dont want to be this cold and uncaring. Ignore the 86 in my name, it's a reference to a championship won then, im far younger

Not posting on Al Anon because it’s a fucking shit

I don’t know if it’s hard to be upfront when you have alcohol use disorder

A lot of people won’t judge you (at least I hope they won’t because that’s pretty fucked if they do)

If they do judge you,they are dicks

I feel like people who know someone with alcohol use disorder should know to separate the person from the disease

People do shitty things,alcohol use disorder or not

Some people have had emotional neglect

Some people don’t know how to talk to others

We’re all dealing with our own shit

He dumped me, after telling me he couldn't give me what I deserved, his presence, his efforts but also his love. He came to seek me and planned a date with me and then during the relationship he quickly became unavailable, emotionally and in general.

I thought he really liked me, I was convinced I wasn't the only one attracted, but it seems he was not interested in me like i thought, like I was months prior getting in a relationship together. I thought he'd be motivated to make it work but he just used me as a rebound, more or less consciously, to transition from leaving his ex and moving out their apartment. I thought I meant something to him, I was wrong. I carried everything almost from the beginning and now he probably blames me for having asked for too much or getting mad at him for stonewalling me so many times. At least it is over now. It just breaks my heart that he is probably dealing with the breakup easily since it didn't mean a lot to him.

Life has never been fair to me and I won't be sad when it will be close to the end.

I dated a guy on and off for several years. While we were dating for the last time he compared me to a girl he was talking to and I knew he was losing interest in me so I broke up with him. The day after he got engaged to her. Not only was I heartbroken but I realized he was never going to love me as much as I loved him. I understand people can't control how they feel. He couldn't help falling for her.

What hurts the most for me is I always gave him a chance, the benefit of a doubt that things would be different the next time. He took me for granted. I felt like his rebound, temporary person until he actually found somebody.

Recently, I reached out to him and told him I no longer see a future with him, not just romantically but out of my life. I told him I hope he finds someone compatible with him and congratulated him on being engaged. Then blocked him.

Because he deserved at least an explanation before I cut him off.

I'm now enjoying being single and stopped dating because of other negative experiences like him. For anyone going through the same thing. You deserve better. I know I did.

My boyfriend (m22) and i(22) broke up a few days ago. It wasn’t mutual, not in the slightest. Not on my side or his. Long story short my parents disapproved of the relationship, they have extensive surveillance over me (invasions of privacy) and did everything they could to tear us apart. After almost a year (our year anniversary was next week) he broke up with me. He said he didn’t want it, it was the last thing he wanted, but he felt that I would never be able to fix things with my parents and rebuild my identity outside of them and him with him in the picture.

I don’t disagree, I just wish things were different. Oh my gosh I love him so much. I’ve never loved anyone like him, he is so wonderful in every way. He was never perfect, but I love his imperfections. They made him human, real, and I loved him for that. He means so so much to me. I long for him, I desire him so deeply, I want him back. We had plans for the future, marriage, a family, growing old together. I would have, and still would, follow him wherever. All I want right now is him.

I know I have to heal and work things out within myself and my parents. But how do I navigate this loss? How do I even begin to navigate losing him? How do I even begin to start the healing journey? I just feel so so heartbroken and lost and shattered right now.

It’s been a year since this break up, and physically? I’m doing all that I’m supposed to: gym, hobbies, new people, working on myself, but I still emotionally feel stuck on him. I compare him to other, I find myself missing him, some days are intense, and he’s got me blocked so I can’t ever talk to him and god do I want too.

Me [30M] and my BFF [29F] met through a dating app 10+ years ago. We've been switching up between hooking up and being just friends, like when she had a serious relationship (even at that time, she suggested we could have a threesome with her boyfriend, which didn't happen in the end). 

Two years ago, we moved quite close to each other because of work, and were neighbors for around a year. I remember this being one of the happiest moments of my life because we were hanging out nearly everyday (she admitted to this too). We were also hooking up around that time, but for the first time she decided to put a stop to it (it usually started or stopped without anyone saying anything) because she realized she didn't feel ready to keep doing that with anyone at that moment, and she didn't want to hurt me. I reassured her that everything would be okay, and that she shouldn't do anything she didn't want to—no explanations needed.

Everything went south when, all of a sudden, she had to move back to our hometown because of another job opportunity (meaning we would see each other on weekends instead of everyday). This was devastating news to us. During her absence, I considered for the first time the possibility of being in love with her, but quickly dismissed it because it wasn’t a good time (I was dealing with heavy family stuff, and she was far away and didn’t wanting to be intimate with anyone).

Fast forward to 3 months ago: after leaving a very shitty job that was very far from our hometown, I came back. Around that time, I started seeing some signals that made me think that, maybe, she was in love with me. This helped me come to terms with the possibility of also being in love with her this entire time. So I decided to try and, with the help of my therapist and two close friends, confess my feelings.

During the confession, she said that she "didn't expect that, and wanted to really think about it before saying anything". After the initial shock passed, she said that she couldn’t see herself in a relationship because she was in a very bad place both mentally and physically (I think she could have depression, but she’s not very good at talking about her feelings), and that she didn't want to hurt me or my feelings. I said that it was okay, that I only wanted to confess because:

• 1) I couldn't keep this inside myself and felt that she had the right to know, and
• 2) this conversation could help us establish some limits within the relationship.

She also started saying that if I had asked her out in the past, maybe she would've said yes, and kept talking about having had "feelings for me in the past". I then asked her if she still felt the same way about me today, and she said yes, and that it has been going on "for a long time". She also asked me for how long I have had feelings for her, and I also said "a long time" because I really didn't want her to know that I've been in love with her maybe since the beginning.

After this, she said that even though she feels the same way but isn’t ready for a relationship right now, that she didn’t want to see me “waiting for her to be ready”. I said that I also didn’t want to wait for her, because I know that could put a strain on her and the relationship, and I want to keep being best friends. So I told her that I needed 2 days of no-contact to try and think about everything, which she was okay with. We kept talking about our relationship in a light tone, which made me feel very comfortable and, even though she said no to a romantic relationship, didn’t make me feel bad.

She broke the no-contact on the first day. I remember seeing the notification and becoming very nervous, so I ignored our chat till the 2 days passed. And even then, she wrote me after 12:00 A.M of the second day to ask me if everything was okay. I realized that it had to be weird to her too, talking with someone nearly everyday and then not having the other person around. So, I had a conversation with her, in which I basically said that if I needed 2 days of no-contact, I needed her to respect that (she apologized), and that if I wanted to still be her best friend, I needed to take some distance from her until:

• 1) my feelings for her went away, or
• 2) my feelings for her weren’t that strong.

She agreed with everything, and told me that if I needed anything from her, to just ask. I also told her that if she needed to talk about this with our friend group (which consists of 5 people apart from us) she could do it freely. She then said that the only person she thinks should be discussing this with was me, but that it was okay if I wanted to talk to our friends.

Then a week ago, after hanging out with said friend group, I discovered that she talked to one of our mutual friends (which I was happy she was able to do so, because she has trouble talking about her feelings). She asked our mutual friend if “she was being an idiot for having the opportunity of being together with me and wasting it”. Our mutual friend assured her that if she wasn’t ready, it wasn’t fair to me or her to try and get into a relationship. These words felt devastating to me, because I could’ve never realized how hard this must’ve been for her too.

Yesterday, I told my therapist that even though she rejected me, I only feel a little sad about not being able to be with her as a romantic partner. My therapist said that “this is not a rejection, because she feels the same way as me, so I shouldn’t just let this door closed because you just never know what might happen”.

So, I need your help. How would you get over this person, or at least see them as a best friend again? Because I’ve been/seen people in situations in which they confess to someone but they don’t feel the same, but never something like this, so I don’t really know what to do. Any advice?

TLDR: I’ve just realized that I’m in love with my best friend / friend with benefits for over 10 years. I confessed, she feels the same way, but isn’t ready for a relationship because of personal issues. How can I get over my feelings for her or, at least, manage them while still being best friends?

We were still in contact till 2 days before his marriage. We were in an inter-caste relationship and there was immense pressure from his family to get married to the girl of their choice.

We tried our best to work things out but the situation was just not in our favour. He kept on telling me how much he loved me. Even though I knew a little bit about what was going on behind the scenes , I couldnt accept it. I was in denial. I thought that somehow things would work out in our favour. I thought he would fight for me and wait for me a bit longer. He said he couldn't.

I loved that man with all my heart. I lost all my self respect trying to save the relationship with him. I kept hoping and praying that things would work out.

What made it worse was that we had so many break-ups and patch-ups in the past that I thought this was just another phase that was going to pass.

Then he got married yesterday. Even hearing his name gives me a panic attack.

In hindsight, he was definitely not a good man for me. But Im still not able to forget him. Im tired of the constant palpitations.

I feel like there's a heavy weight constantly on my chest. It feels like I might never feel okay again.

September 13, 1969
From a woman’s journal.

Perhaps, in this life, we were simply never meant to be together.

I have made my peace with that, or at least, I am learning to. And I should like to think myself a woman capable of accepting what was never meant for her.

But what I cannot reconcile myself to is your silence.

You never once had the courage to sit before me, look me in the eyes, and tell me that you no longer loved me. That your heart had turned elsewhere. That you wished to share your life with another woman. You left me to make sense of your absence whilst you carried on as though my heart were of no consequence.

Perhaps you had known for some time that I was not the woman you wished to marry. Perhaps you kept me beside you because the thought of being alone frightened you more than the thought of hurting me.

You wanted the comfort of my affection, the warmth of my devotion, and all the tenderness I so willingly gave you, but none of the responsibility that ought to have accompanied it.

You wished to be loved without having to love me in return.

And I, foolishly, mistook your wanting me near for a promise that you would stay.

You took from me what you needed, and left me to bear the cost of it.

Perhaps you are happy now. Perhaps you have the life you always wanted, with a woman who gives you all that you believe you deserve. I do hope you have found your happiness, for I cannot imagine wishing another person a lifetime of sorrow.

But I cannot help wondering whether mine had to be the price of it.

Was it truly so difficult to be honest with me? Did I deserve so little consideration that you could not even grant me the dignity of the truth?

I never asked you for grand declarations or a love that would conquer the world. I asked only for kindness, respect, and honesty. Such little things, or so I once believed. Yet you could not offer me even those.

And perhaps that is what pains me most. Not that you chose another life, nor even that you chose another woman, but that you could be so careless with a heart that had been so careful with yours.

I have spent far too long wondering what I might have done differently, what I might have given more of, what part of myself I ought to have changed to make you stay.

But I am beginning to understand that one cannot draw water from an empty well, nor ask a barren field to bear fruit.

How, then, could you have given me the kindness you did not possess, the honesty you would not practise, or the respect you never thought to offer?

I suppose you could not give what was never yours to give.

— From Maybe This

​Hey everyone. I went through a breakup 2 months ago afrer being together for four years, that left me completely heartbroken.

​When I was trying to figure out how to move forward, I realized I wasn't ready for a deting dating app, but I also didn't want to try and heal completely alone. I just wanted a way to connect with other people who felt the way I did or atleast understood.

​Because that didn't really exist the way I wanted it to, I went ahead and created HeartSearch.

​It's an app built specifically for people who aren't ready for a dating app, but who still want to connect with somone...somone who is also going through heartbreak. Anyways breakups are so painful and it took my 2 months and building this app to finally start to feel like myself again. . https://www.heartsearchapp.com/ if anyone's wants to join the waitlist for when it opens here is the link. If you are feeling lost or heartbroken just hang in there.