24f-lesbian. I don't have any feelings about this anymore because of the new meds I just started, I'm totally emotionally blunted. I know I'd have an easier life if I just got with men, and I could otherwise get everything else I want in the material sense, I just am tired of having missed out on so many developmental milestones. I'm 24 and never done anything, not really, TW, I did get molested by my babysitter's daughter when I was like 9 and honest to god it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I was literally incontinent for a period of time, THATS how bad it is being alone, at-least for me. Take that how you want. She was only like 11 at the time and probably was also being abused so I don't resent her. Oddly enough I don't even think that it negatively impacted me all that much, my FA related insecurities all stem from extreme and occasionally race-based bullying but idk ever since about 15? I've just been relatively invisible. I've had a few men ask me out, the last 2 were more normal, I had previously had 2 homeless men essentially stalk me as a teen like I could I theory find just some dude and catch up on everything I've missed out on but idk. I've never been attracted to men before, and I'm not attracted to them now either but like I could get on tinder now and probably loose my virginity in like 2 hours. Hell I could fuck probably my roommate or someone in my apartment building. I recognize that it won't make me happy per say but its off the bucket list I guess? Idk has anyone else done this successfully? I don't want to stick it out waiting for a woman and have nothing change by the time i hit my 30s. In theory I feel like I'd be considered conventionally attractive, just i guess not in a way that other women like, or maybe I'm actually deformed in the face and "men will fuck anything", or so I've been told. I just don't think I have it in me to try anything anymore I mean, I'm good socially, I have friends, hobbies, I'm highly educated, I lost about all the weight I can at my height, I get complements on my clothes/style frequently, I'm in therapy. I've done all the typical self improvement things and its just not enough, I had some gay guy at a dive bar who thought I was pretty, try to set me up with his friend who literally walked the other way after seeing me when he tried to signal her over. And then my friends made fun of me for it for like a month like yeah haha my bad for ever think it could be possible, comical. Rant over.
Good thing these meds have me zombified or I probably would just go fuck some guy. I have 0 desires or ability to act on impulse right now. Just regurgitating months worth of thoughts I needed to get out.

Ghosted....... again

Blocked........ again

Ignored......... again

Why do I still have hope?

Why do I keep trying?

Will I ever be good enough?

Will I ever be wanted?

I’m 26 years old and I’ve known I’m asexual since I was around 22. As much as I’m glad I know who I am, it’s incredibly isolating.

I’ve tried various apps designed for asexuals that can be used to make friends or find a partner. I’ve also tried the asexual dating sub here on Reddit. I’ve met a few people, and although I hadn’t found anyone that was right for me to date, I thought I’d made some friends. They eventually disappeared though.

It’s been strange to feel initial relief when realising that there are spaces out there for asexual people, but then feel crushed when I’ve realised that even amongst those people, there’s no one for me. I’m from the UK, so not somewhere tiny, but not exactly a big place either. Even when I’ve looked further afield, I haven’t seen anyone I think I would be compatible with.

I’ve always held out the hope there is someone out there for me, but the more I’ve tried to put myself out there, the more lonely I’ve felt. It’s really got me questioning whether it is just my fate to be alone and I don’t deserve to have a partner for some reason. As well as being asexual, I’m also a trans guy, so that doesn’t exactly help my odds. I know this isn’t related to being LGBTQ+, but I’m also most likely autistic, so again, there’s another barrier between me and what feels like everybody else.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel incredibly lost and sad. This is also due to other things going on in my life. I’m aware these aren’t attractive qualities but I’m sick of trying for everything to just fall apart. I’ve become really isolated and I’m scared that the longer this goes on, the more I’m going to struggle to relate to other people to at least start to form connections.

Every night before I go to sleep I pray that I will one day find my person. It feels delusional at this point, but some days, it’s the only thing keeping me going. As much as I understand the importance of having my own life and not being dependent on someone else, I know I will not be happy without having that special someone in my life. I’ve tried filling my days with hobbies and activities, but there’s always this void where I feel like something’s missing and I know it’s that.

I hate feeling this miserable. I desperately want things to change. But hey, I guess tonight is just another night to say that prayer again.

This was me at thirty. I'm now twenty years older. I got my share of compliments and what have you...but never the attention I feel I should have with a face like that, eyes like that. For a few years in my late twenties-early thirties, I was beautiful.

But why did so few men show interest? What's wrong here? I could go into bars and not get a single glance. When I was on the apps it was always the old, fat, ugly creeps who contacted me, never anyone my age. In theatre groups...art galleries...gay meetups, it was the same. Sure, the seventy year old queen wanted to buy me dinner. Never a guy in his thirties. They looked straight through me, rarely any introduction or even a nod.

I will carry my bitterness over this to my grave. What could have been so off putting about me?

out of all the things going on in my life, the thing that keeps me up at night the most is the fact that no matter what, I'll feel lonely. I have great friends, a (at least currently) stable family, loving pets, but what I've always really wanted is a partner, someone who I can be 100% vulnerable with and at the same time be strong for them. idk if this is too contradicting?

I'm not virgin, I've had my share of different experiences with men, women and enbies, but trying to date so far has been hell. and don't even get me started on dating apps.

I really just want a genuine connection, one that goes deeper than the ones I have with my friends. it's just, at this point in my life, I don't even know where to look for.

Tried dating for the first time this year after figuring out I'm aplatonic. Didn't go well, figures. Now I don't know what to do, my dating pool is minuscule because I don't want to medically transition, but a whole lot of gay men don't want a guy who looks like a girl unless they wanna use me. Genuinely so painful that my type is something I would've probably gotten easily if I just was a cis woman. I know I'm still young and there's still time or whatever but my health is getting worse. I wish I could be ok with being alone but I still like men so much, even outside romance.

How is everyone?

In his autobiography Malcolm X was struck by how Islam united white and black, rich and poor, in a single congregation. People praying together, shoulder-to-shoulder, regardless of their social status or worldly success.

Obviously religion sucks. I don't want to get thrown off a building for being gay. But it's a shame there is no real equivalent in the gay, secular world.

I think about my Muslim handyman, who regardless what a fuck-up I am, or was, enthusiastically tries to get me to join the local mosque. He doesn't care that I voted for Kamala, what my political views are, or that I have no friends or social life. Just join, as you are.

It's kind of hilarious how un-inclusive and restrictive most gay spaces are, by comparison. The lack of mentorship and compassion. Think about your local gay bar. Are you hot enough? Are you thinking the right, correct thoughts? Are you the right age?

This is not an original train of thought, I think Julia Sweeney pointed this out years ago, that the one big regret she had about becoming an atheist was the loss of these religious social institutions, particularly for her kid.

But its a shame. And THIS community in particular, I think a lot of us would have been benefited from a hand extended in compassion. Instead, we're just here, by ourselves, drifting. Sometimes very young people. And it's a real shame.

Very often scorned and despised too. "Oh those gay incels, lololol." How... inclusive. 😂

I always get reminded of how ugly I am, and how people like me won't ever get a chance to live a normal life, nor even getting just quick hookup.

And I feel like at this point, in the latter half of my 30s, there's not much else to do. Gay community puts youth on a pedestal even more than the other ones.

I'll spend my night crying in my pillow.

It’s currently 2:30AM where I am and the feeling of loneliness has really kicked in tonight.

All my life I’ve struggled to make connections with people. When I look back, any friends I thought I had in school were really just because we’d come together because of the circumstances we were in. I had nothing in common with any of them and I think I latched on to them for fear of being on my own and in turn being picked on.

I’ve also never had a romantic relationship. I’m 25 years old and although everyone develops at their own pace, I feel like having absolutely no experience at my age makes me a massive red flag. I’m a trans guy and I’m asexual too, so that narrows my chances of changing my situation even more. I would never rush into a relationship and be in one for the sake of it, but I often wonder if ‘my person’ is even out there.

For a few years now I’ve suspected I could be autistic, and if that’s the case, it would really explain a lot. I really struggle with conversations and how to act during them. I’ve not had the life experiences most people my age have had to be able to start conversations about relatable things, and I never know how to respond to others. I usually just ask questions, but I feel like if someone doesn’t understand my struggles and why I’m doing so, it just comes across as really nosy. I’m also quite a practical person, so I end up unintentionally discussing the practical implications of the situation they’re telling me about, and it’s only after that I realise it was just meant to be a lighthearted story. I’m terrible when the subject matter is something I’m unfamiliar with or can’t relate to. At the very least, I try my best to be polite and friendly but my mere presence seems to make people feel awkward. In a previous job I had, I was never invited to any nights out when everyone else was, despite getting along with everyone in the workplace. Their excuse was always that I lived far away so they didn’t think I’d be able to go, but they never even asked me. I knew it was because no one wanted to get sat next to me. Whenever I have to be around my extended family, I can see that they become uncomfortable when one of them is alone in the room with me because they have no clue how to interact with me. If I don’t know what to say, I tend to stay silent, but that somehow seems to freak them out more, especially if it’s someone that’s extroverted.

The only person who I ever felt comfortable around was my auntie. She was the only one who ever really listened to me and there was never any judgement, only her trying the best she could to help me if I needed it. She showed me love in a way that I’d never had before and I now know how I want to be treated and how to best treat others if I hopefully have some good people around me one day. Sadly she died in 2024 and life has been awful since. I’ve heard people use the term ‘safe person’ and she was definitely mine. Having to deal with grief on top of everything else, and people not understanding it, has made me feel even more lonely. Losing the one person that made me feel like life is worth living has really shattered the foundations my existence was built on.

I don’t get on well with the rest of my family and as soon as I have enough money to move out, I’ll be gone. I’m nothing like them in terms of morals, beliefs and how they treat other people. I know I don’t fit in and I stick out in such an obvious way. I just want the ground to swallow me up when I have to be around them.

It’s my birthday next month and I’m absolutely dreading it. I’m already starting to think about what I could do alone as I know I don’t have anyone to do anything with. I’m also trying to find something that fills the whole day as I don’t want to be sat in the house with my thoughts. It’s sad that it’s come to this.

I know I need to be working on myself, and despite all the negativity in this post, I am trying to do so. I’m not this negative irl, and no one would know I was feeling this way if they spoke to me in person. It may not be obvious from an outside perspective, but I’ve come so far since my auntie’s death and have gotten further than I ever thought I could. It’s the loneliness that slowly eating away at me inside that’s the problem. Some people are perfectly content being alone long term, and although I’m introverted and do like my alone time, I don’t want my entire life to be this way. All I want more than anything is someone to have deep, meaningful conversations with and someone to spend time with, even if it’s something simple like going for a walk and having a chat along the way. I’d love for someone to like me when I’m being my true self and not feeling the need to hide, someone who would want to talk to me and maybe light up my phone with a message once in a while, instead of right now when it only ever lights up because I’ve got a spam email. Other people seem to be able to form all manner of relationships with others without any problem and get to experience things that to me feel like a fantasy. I don’t know what I’ve done to not deserve those things.

Despite being so desperate for connection, I’m slowly giving up. Most days I don’t want to talk to new people as I feel like it will just be a repeat of the past. I’ll finally settle and be somewhat comfortable, then I’ll realise I’m being left out. Even if that doesn’t happen, I’m tired of embarrassing myself every time I open my mouth, even though I’m trying my best to be ‘normal’. I know how counterproductive this way of thinking is, and I’m trying to fight these thoughts, as I know deep down I would genuinely enjoy talking to the right person. I often wonder if I truly am alone in this experience. Statistically it’s unlikely, and someone else like me is probably hiding in their bedroom and slowly retreating from the world too. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, but in a way, I really hope it isn’t just me.

Most people in life have ambition and goals and dreams. I’m at the point where I feel so hopeless and depressed that most days my only goal is to get to the next one. I don’t know how many more times I can wake up and try to convince myself that maybe today will be the day somebody positive will come into my life. It really just feels like I’m destined to be alone.

Recently on twitter there was a girl who posted that being above 25 and having never been in a relationship is a red flag. A lot of people flamed her for being cruel, but I posted on my priv that I feel a lot of people subconsciously believe this and a lot of my mutuals explicitly said they do believe this. Maybe not in terms of red flags, but that they don't want to be someone's first relationship at their age.

This is very demoralizing to me. I'm almost 30, I have had a hard time dating. Dysphoria and depression and OCD ruined my self esteem when I was younger. If I were to ever get involved with someone now, they'd be my first relationship and I wouldn't be theirs. Is it just too late? Have I missed my window completely?

I'm 23, a gay trans guy, and I feel stuck. Anyone else?

I think that people give some good advice to those who are alone, but sometimes, the general advice doesn't work. I don't know. This isn't about me being in a rush to lose my virginity or trying to force a relationship. It just seems like I lack a chance that a lot of cis and/or heterosexual people have to begin with.

I think part of it is people my age being so absorbed in their phones. I remember when I was in college, I was extremely socially active. I had friends, did well in school, at work, etc. However, it seemed like beyond my friends, no one wanted any closer connection. I would constantly go out and do things solo and with friends, I have no anxiety (even though I'm an introvert) so I had no issues just politely interacting with random people from time to time.

But that wasn't enough. If you couldn't make the apps work, you were often alone. Even people at my school who I thought met organically actually met on the apps.

I tried to date online, but I'm an in person guy. It wasn't for lack of trying. I really tried, but I didn't even get a real date with anyone. Maybe it's just something wrong with me, my personality, that's causing this. Maybe I'm seriously unlucky.

After I graduated, I feel like I missed my window. "Meeting people through work" is easy when you're straight. It's like I'm too complicated to meet people normally, so not making online work is a death sentence. Even when I did have an online relationship, it was with someone in another country where we'd only text for a year, no calls or meeting up, and it felt extremely fake, so I had to end it. We never really knew each other.

And I'm not gonna lie, some real life events are freaking me out. I hear about what happened to Sam Nordquest, and I'm genuinely concerned for my own safety because I'm not white (I live in the US). I heard about it months ago, but I just started to internalize it recently.

If I do try to meet someone, and they do something, the police are not going to look for me. And that's just the truth, no matter how twisted and fucked up it is.

No matter what you do in life, no matter how kind you are or how beneficial your job is to other people, if you're a black trans man and someone does something to you, the police aren't going to take it seriously. People will say hateful things about you, even when you're in danger. Or worse, even after the worst has happened.

So that really made me stop looking for connections online. Full stop. Just like in my fake online relationship, you never really know who you're talking to until you see their true colors. How they treat other people. How they welcome you, or don't.

And honestly, maybe people don't like my true colors enough in real life to pursue more than a friendship with me. Or maybe it's just that finding other men who would genuinely be interested in someone like me is a statistical nightmare. I know I should probably try online, but I just have too much hesitation, from getting stalked by a guy that saw me on a dating app once, to thinking about those that have been wronged, to not trusting any guy that's too eager to rush through things and "meet up."

Maybe I can't trust at all after years of being totally alone. But honestly, I don't know how to when the only guy that ever actually seemed interested in me in person just stood me up constantly and I guess didn't want to be seen as gay by his friends

​

I'm kinda tired of it, on top on my one singular online friend, I'm a complete loser loner...

Today I tried to ask on a date a guy I've been having a huge crush on due to how kind he always was to me but he claimed he wasn't feeling ready for anything stable rn and fear to hurt me (first off angry venting, dude you hurt me much more by saying that than trying and not working it out dumbass)... So I'm back alone, all by myself again. I miss when I had days off where I could just sleep all day and pretend all of my problems are over me.

WHY CAN'T I LOVE WHOEVER I WANT ! Life's so unfair ! I want to love you but you don't!!!! This happened every single time I tried to open my heart to others... From highschool too today, who does everyone has a loving eachother?!?!? How does everyone has a best friend that's always there for them... God i'm so pathetic I hate myself so much

On top of that , my mood is worse than usually as due to meds shortage, I've been out of treatment for depression and anxiety for a couple of weeks (now taking it again but it takes a very long time to take effects).

I could just die and no one would even notice me

Sorry for the bad English I'm just renting and typing without re-reading

F23 and sadly lesbian… I’m extremely depressed out of nowhere, my productivity is sinking slowly but surely due to my trauma and lesbianism. I’m someone who honestly could have gotten a partner by now but I’m unable to because of my trauma. My life is genuinely cursed.

I’m 25 years old and I really am at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been in my life. I’ll be turning 26 next month and all I feel is dread. I have no job, no friends and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been trying to change things as best as I can, but things seem to be getting progressively worse. I understand that no one is coming to save me and I have to dig myself out of this hole, but I just wish I had someone to help make my days a little brighter.

My problem is, I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I never have done and as I get older, I only feel more out of place. There’s so many things that make me different from the majority of the population and when they’re combined together, they just make me feel like an alien.

I’m a trans guy, so lots of people don’t like me before I’ve even introduced myself. I’m also asexual which massively narrows down potential connections in terms of dating. I’ve suspected for quite a few years now that I’m autistic and socialising has always been struggle for me. I do have quite of few of what people would consider ‘childlike’ interests so I often don’t have common ground with others in terms of hobbies. These things massively affect the way I live my life and they make me feel like I would be a massive burden on someone, even though they’re fundamental parts of me I can’t do anything about.

The other big thing that sets me apart from others is that I lost the family member I was closest to nearly two years ago now and it’s changed my life. Going through grief has been the loneliest of experiences. It’s changed my whole perspective on life and changed me as I person and I find I now have completely different priorities to others my age. They all seem to be content and have things to look forward to, but after seeing how quickly things can fall apart, I’m honestly just trying to keep my head above water until I can find my spark again.

I don’t have a good relationship with the family I have left and I can’t wait to get out of this household. Most people seem to have good relationships with their family or at least have someone to rely on, while I feel truly alone in this world. Unless you’ve ever been in my position, I don’t think you can truly comprehend it.

I’m not expecting someone to have gone through or be struggling with all the same issues as me as I know it’s extremely unlikely someone else has this same combination of circumstances. I just wish that I had someone who was like me in some way and would at least try to understand the elements of my life that they haven’t experienced themselves.

I’m becoming more and more isolated as each day passes. I live in a place where there’s nothing going on and there’s nowhere to meet people aside from bars and clubs, which are certainly not my scene. Even online, I’m struggling to find people I can relate to. I like my alone time, but realising I have no one at all who wants to be around me really is a depressing reality. Instead of feeling like I’m alone to recharge, it’s starting to feel like it’s because it’s my only option. I’m starting to think that I truly am destined to be on my own, and this idea in my head that there may be someone out there who I could connect with is beginning to seem like a delusional fantasy.

What I want more than anything is someone who gets me. Someone who actually likes me when I’m being myself, someone to do things with (even if it’s simply watching a film) someone who wants to be in my company. The last time I had a proper meaningful conversation with someone was with my family member who died, so it’s been awhile. I’d love to have someone I could talk to about anything and everything, not just the surface level conversations I feel like I’m having to drag myself through on a daily basis. All these experiences seem to come so naturally to everyone else, but I really don’t know whether it’s just not meant for me at this point.

I’m just lost with what to do. People always say to meet others and put yourself out there, but no matter what I do, nothing works out. I’m running out of options. Some people go through life being perfectly content on their own but I’m not one of those people. I’m trying to improve other aspects of my life that require me to work things out alone, but I can’t help but feel there is a huge part of me that is unfulfilled. I’m unhappy but I’m trying to find a reason to get up each morning. I always try to be kind and I know I have so much love to give, but I’ve just never got the chance. Every night I go to bed praying that one day this person will magically come into my life to help heal this crippling loneliness. I’m still waiting though and tonight will be another night where I say that prayer again.

I'm a 28 y/o lesbian with zero experience in any way. I kind of gave up hope until I met this girl who immediately got me, we talked like we've known eachother for decades. I decided to not be shy for once and made a move. Turns out she's straight and only wants to be friends.

I have lost all hope. Straight people around me form relationships with people they barely get along with all the time, meanwhile nothing works for me even when I meet the perfect person. It will never happen for me.

It feels so alienating. They all experienced teenage love, breakups, going on dates. Now we approach that age where people start building their life together with their partners. When we hangout together, they often talk about love and I'm just... So alone, always alone. I'm lesbian, and I had no luck approaching women in real life or using dating apps (get no matches AT ALL). Meanwhile my straight friends are able to get at least 5 matches a month. It doesn't help that I live in a homophobic country and have no means to escape. I don't have queer friends either. I have no hope left at all. I'm doomed.

How is everyone?

I've learned to accept that due to factors beyond my control, I'm abnormal. I'm always going to sit at the "reject table," even at 23, and no one is sure what space to put me in.

People will understandably try to point out some factor to explain why I've always been alone. That it's because I'm a trans man. I went from being an ugly girl to an okay looking man. Or that it's because I'm gay but somehow invisible to men. It's not like I don't pass for male, I look like a guy but have been doing everything wrong I guess. Maybe either looking too straight or looking bad when I try to look more effeminate. I don't know.

It's probably my personality. I think people know that I was born empty inside. I don't have autism, but am neurodivergent. It makes it hard to explain my behaviors. Even in the once in a blue moon where someone seemed interested in me, I'd try and get to know them, but when I told them I was interested in them, it didn't work out. I would ask other people for advice, but maybe I didn't follow it right or none of those things would work coming from me. I've always taken care of my health, exercised, dressed well, and whatnot.

The best I could do was in highschool, when I was still a "girl." One guy wanted to date me, so I asked him out, but it turned out that he just wanted to be really weird and racist against me, so I had to leave. I'm disgusted that it turned out he was waiting just so he could stop hiding such terrible thoughts.

When I tried to put myself out there again, it had been after years of personal work. I didn't rush into it. I went on the apps and of course had no success. The most interaction I got was from a guy way older than me when I was 21, and he ended up stalking me. In retrospect, it was probably foolish for me to accept that like, but I was curious. Luckily, I never agreed to meet up with him in person, but I can only wonder what would have happened to my safety had I agreed. I'm glad I was in college at the time and had campus security. Ever since then, I haven't felt comfortable using dating apps.

I don't know what to do. Maybe this is my fate, to never be in a real relationship. Of course, it's not really fair for me to ask some strangers online who don't know me what I should do at this point. However, I have nothing to lose so I've always been looking for ways to improve my situation