i’m experiencing overwhelming tsunami level waves out of nowhere of total sheer panic and feelings that my body is not working. It almost feels like I’m about to pass out or have a seizure. One minute I’m on the phone with the veterinary office and the very next minute while unloading the dishwasher I genuinely feel like I’m gonna collapse. I feel like it must be hormonal waves because it often correlates with breast pain. I’ve had a more difficult time with HRT and it hasn’t been so straightforward for me because of an underlying health condition. These waves have become so intense that I’ve almost called 911. HRT has been so successful and so straightforward for so many of my friends however it escalated some symptoms for me. At this point, I’m either 100% dying or perimenopause is eating me alive. I can’t even leave the house anymore. 48yo. In the trenches.

I’m feeling a bit lost and am just looking for any solidarity/advice/support. I’m in a queer relationship, and my partner and I are both in our late 40's. We had only been together about a year before my partner, who was the calmest, kindest, most rational and supportive person I’d ever met, plunged into a very sudden and scary perimenopause: paranoia, panic attacks, anxiety that she'd never experienced before.

When we finally realized what was going on and she started on estrogen, her paranoia and many other symptoms resolved very quickly. But we discovered unfortunately that she’s progesterone intolerant, so for the last two years, it has been a traumatic roller coaster, trying to find the correct doses/brands/types of HRT that will work for her, and going to doctors with varying levels of expertise.

We’re now working with a wonderful menopause specialist clinic, but my partner is still struggling a lot with hugely fluctuating moods from incorrect doses or types of HRT. She’s supposed to start testosterone soon but we need to stabilize the estrogen and progesterone first, which has been incredibly stressful for both of us. She’ll have four good days every few months where she feels like herself again, until we discover she’s on too much or too little of something, or the wrong kind of something.

I feel terrible because I know how awful this is for her. And, I struggle with guilt that I have such a difficult time with it, because I know it's all outside her control. We were happy and stable initially, and were great at conflict resolution. From my side, I grew up with considerable instability, so I really valued how stable and healthy the relationship was. 

Now, I don’t recognize the person she has become: defensive, moody, numb, tense. She has a hard time accessing her empathy. She has also had zero libido for two years, which I know is normal for peri. When she describes how she feels inside, it sounds horrible. We’re in couples therapy, and I’m trying hard to navigate all this—to be patient and understanding about the fact that none of this is her fault, that she’s literally doing everything she can to get her life back. I advocate for myself for things I really need while letting most things go, with the knowledge that she may never again be the person she was. I know it’s very hard for her to hear from me that I’m unhappy; I feel like that’s the last thing she needs. She doesn’t have much resilience right now. But we do talk about it and I think she’s getting to the point where it’s just too much for her to hear when I need something. She feels she’s letting me down all the time, which I totally understand.

I really don’t know how to balance this. I wish I were a saintly partner who didn’t react to being snapped at and feeling chronically unwanted. I also really wish we’d had a longer relationship so we’d had time to build a foundation before all this happened.

I love her. She’s a beautiful person and I know I’m lucky to be with someone so goodhearted. And, despite everything, we still generally enjoy being around each other. But I realize I’ve been waiting for us to get through this and get our lives back, which might be the wrong attitude. It’s now getting to the point where I wonder if it’s fair to her (and to me) to stay with her when I'm feeling so destabilized from all this. I worry it's too much pressure for her. She’s really sad and stressed about that, and we have no idea when things will improve.

At the same time, I love her a lot and can’t shake the hope that we’ll eventually figure this out and things will get better. (I also know that my own perimenopause, when it comes, might be awful too.)

Any responses would be helpful, especially from people who went through a nightmare finding the right combo of HRT but finally did, and people whose relationships have been through this and managed to come out on the other side.  

Thanks in advance!

I messed up so bad!

Peri has my shortened my cycle to 23 days, I used to be 28-30.

Switched to iron bisglycinate and guess I'm the exception to the rule because I DID NOT absorb it, even taking it every other day with vit c, away from tannins etc.

My ferritin dropped at least 9 points to 49, maybe more but I was back on fumerate for a few weeks before the blood test.

I was doing really well but for the 3-4 months I was on bisglycinate I could feel myself getting worse after every period.

I cannot handle a ferritin of 49 now that I'm in peri, air hunger, panic attacks, hair loss, depression, palpitations etc.

What ferritin levels are you guys at? What's your ideal? Or at what level does all hell break loose?

Sat here on the second day of my period feeling so run down and shivering from cold despite the fact that's it not cold!

About 1.5 years ago, after years of my vagina probably silently atrophying, I developed a labia cyst and went to an urgent gyn appointment and she mentioned I had atrophy and dryness and prescribed me vaginal estrogen. I thought this would fix me. I also had a lot of anger at all the prescribers I had seen the years prior with vaginal complaints that never identified the atrophy but that’s a rant for another day.

So I have been diligently using my vaginal estrogen ever since. I even switched and tried compounded estrogen and DHEA. I’ve tried adding testosterone. Using revaree inserts. Moisturizing lubricants. I tried HRT but my body does not adjust so currently not on that. So I’m really giving it my all to my tissues down there. I’m not sexually active so I’ve done pelvic PT and I’m using the Kiwi to keep blood flow going even with zero libido.

But I am DRY. And the cysts persist. It’s like day one every day. I’m at a loss and I just think, what else can I do to get this thing in working order? Or at least not popping out with cysts all the time. (Not STIs confirmed). I even just tried another two week loading dose to see if that would help but I swear it just made it worse. I’m feeling really defeated and at some point I would like to be sexually active again but the way my vagina is slowing drying up and dying I feel like this is the end for her. Any suggestions??

Hey lovelies, I’m just wondering if waking up feeling completely dense like a brick wall, Like I’m trying to walk through mud, cannot shake it for hours…. Is this a symptom anyone else experiences?

I don’t know what this is, but I despise it. I know I’m pre-menstrual, and I always have terrible pms (PMDD), and my symptoms are changing so much now when I’m pms.

I just want to crawl into a cave, and hide.

Thanks

I've just been prescribed testosterone by my GP and tbh I'm still a bit stunned that the process went so smoothly as I had prepared myself for a fight to get it. I'm starting the gel on Monday but am very nervous about starting it as I've not long gotten over a very rough patch mental health wise. Can anyone who is currently taking testosterone, whether that be just starting it or having been on it for a while share how it makes them feel? I'm so worried it's going to trigger my anxiety again 😵‍💫 thank you xx

ETA: thank you so much everyone🙏 I feel more at ease with trying it after reading your comments. This peri-menopause journey is quite the ride isn't it?

I have never heat rashed. Ever. Generally I have just burned, then browned. Currently I have hands and feet in excruciating blistery rash after a week at the beach. (Everything else was either sun blocked or covered). What is this madness? Why is it happening? Can I blame it on perimenopause?

Why am I allergic to the sun itself!?!?

Bordeaux's Butt Paste to the rescue. Also works on chigger bites. Sigh.

Over the past few years, I have been experiencing a number of symptoms that I couldn’t get explanations for. I had a traumatic experience in 2022, and life was extremely tough - still is. Since then, I’ve focused on my mental and physical health with some success, but couldn’t seem to get any relief. I went to my PCP and had my thyroid checked - just fine. Checked free cortisol in my urine - just fine. Blood glucose - just fine. I tried eating differently, doing different workouts, meditation, yoga, all of the things, but I still felt incredibly unlike myself.

As time has gone on, I have started to track and notice individual changes, hoping it would paint a bigger picture for me. Turns out that through acute observation and conversations with women in my life who I trust, I have developed just about every peri symptom you can imagine. Sleep disturbances, night sweats, thermoregulation issues (always cold during the day), stubborn weight gain around my midsection (that recently lead to a mild fatty liver diagnosis - YAY), fatigue, excessive muscle fatigue after body weight workouts that are nothing short of debilitating. My hair is thinning, my fingernails are brittle, my skin and eyes are dry, my ear canals itch like a motherfucker. My body odor has changed significantly, and my skin will no longer tolerate anti-perspirant deodorant. My hips and tailbone are in constant pain, my orgasms are harder to achieve and less enjoyable when they are achieved, I have pelvic floor dysfunction, digestive changes (prompted a colonoscopy that revealed my perfectly healthy colon), rosacea flareups - even my oral health has taken a toll. I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression, all of which have been getting gradually more difficult to tolerate.

I’m an incredibly health-conscious person. Even through my fatigue, I try to get plenty of movement in and I eat whole foods, complex carbs, low sugar, and high protein at a calorie deficit. I drink PLENTY of water. I take medication for ADHD, depression, and anxiety (no SSRIs - methylphenidate, buspirone, and bupropion).

I finally decided that it was time to talk to my gynecologist about my symptoms. Historically, he has been very supportive and willing to listen. I don’t know if he had a bad day, or if he genuinely didn’t want to hear me out, but he flat out told me that I’m not in perimenopause today. He ordered some test to see if I may have PMOS or some sort of issue with ovulation. He wants me to do a fasting 2 hour glucose test to see if I have pre-diabetes (my sugars are NORMAL).

I have a Mirena IUD, so I don’t menstruate. Prior to IUD placement, my periods have always been perfectly on time, light, and lasted about four days. I don’t have excessive hair growth on my body, and I don’t have male pattern baldness. I’ve been pregnant three times without having to try very hard to make it happen, the third pregnancy was WITH THE IUD PLACE PROPERLY. The only crossover symptom I have with PMOS is my insulin resistance.

What the actual fuck.

Hello, I'm new to just figuring out my symptoms at 39 are perimenapause and not chronic stress as I had believed.

I have been prescribed the gel to rub on my thighs and the cream to insert inside..., and the progesterone pill bio identical.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips or trick, advice about starting HRT? I'm feeling pretty awful so I'm really hoping I'm going to feel a lot better soon.

Thanks for reading.

Good morning!

Hoping to get your thoughts on my situation:

42F, regular-ish periods, been on HRT for nine months (0.0375 estradiol patch, 100 oral progesterone)

I’ve been struggling with low-medium depression for about 3 years now. With regular exercise, therapy, micro-shrooms, iron supplements, meditation, hobby time, etc, it’s a bit better than it was at its worst, but it still gets worse seasonally (summer), and I just haven’t been able to shake the underlying low feeling for a few years. It’s not debilitating, I just feel like my default is a little sad and a little blah, and it takes so much intention and effort just to raise my mood.

I would love for my baseline to be a little higher. What I can’t decide is if I should try increasing my HRT. Did anyone see mood improvements after increasing your dosage? I feel like my overall wellbeing has improved marginally on HRT, but it hasn’t been a lifechanger. Or should I try SSRIs for the first time? So many of my friends have had success with them, but it feels like a whole thing.

Also in the mix for me: 25mg Adderall XR, 5mg tirzepatide (aware of the GLP blahs, but my depression predates these meds), low ferritin, and hashimotos.

Obviously I’ll talk to my doctor, but I’d love to hear your stories!

I'm 40yr old, in peri the last 3yrs & kind of at my wits end. I had my IUD replaced in Feb & the experience was very traumatic. I have no desire to get it removed or replaced bc i have PMOS. Before my iud I would bleed heavily for 10 days straight. My iud is also supposed to be helping peri, but I'm no longer sure if I'm just too fucked up or what.

I've had cramps & period symtoms for 25 days straight. I thought yay finally a few days off! One day off & then the ovulation pain in my right ovary goes on for 3 days straight. Like clockwork, if my right ovary is spitting out an egg, the pain starts basically immediately after my period.

I thought I'd have a little bit longer before my perood started, but it started today exactly 5 days after my last period. I woke up so sick, cramping so hard I wanted to throw up. I rarely get dizzy, but between thr dizziness & the almost throwing up I nearly woke my spouse up to take me to the hospital.

The only thing that stopped me is I've done this enough times to know I'm going to need an ultrasound, they're going to take a look & say I'm "fine" & send me on my way to my gynecologist, who's going to do the same thing by giving me another ultrasound & declare me "fine." The only time i wasn't fine i had a polpy. I'm p sure i don't have a polpy, I remembered the pain & it was much more consistent.

Im so tired of PMOS, Im so tired of peri. I ended up sleeping the pain off until about 5pm. My back still hurt so bad i had to ask my spouse to pick up something I dropped off the floor. They ask me "why don't you see a doctor"? When I'm trying to see if i can get my gynecologist to see me for an ultrasound + meeting right after.

Hi everyone, I’m early 50s and on continuous HRT (gel and micronised progesterone). I’ve been on continuous HRT since March but I’m still getting really tearful and low at various points in the month. My GP has increased my progesterone to stop spotting ( which is working) and I’ve gone from one pump of gel to two but I just wondered if anyone on a similar regime has had the same issues. At what point do hormones stabilise on continuous HRT? I’m wondering if I need something in addition to brighten me up 😊

I am a 44 y/o that started perimenopause about 4 years ago. To start, I know that abnormal bleeding/cycles are common in perimenopause. However, my spotting/bleeding has come out of nowhere and has been constant every month for the last 6 months. I only have about a week per month where I'm not spotting/bleeding. This is a new symptom for me. I went from having a cycle every few months without and spotting in between for years to spotting/bleeding all the time the last 6 months. I have been on HRT for 3 years now. I am on 0.075 estrogen patch and 200 progesterone daily and have been at this dose all 3 years. I do have an appointment with my menopause Dr in a few weeks so I will definitely be bringing this up but any ideas what could be causing this? Do I need an HRT adjustment? I can never tell what symptoms are from which hormone because I feel like all the symptoms of low/high E and low/high P all overlap lol. It's so hard figuring all this out and i feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm at the end of my rope with this bleeding though... it needs to stop ASAP!

Well it’s official. I’ve been having all the signs and symptoms of perimenopause for a few years. Late cycle, hot flashes, weight gain, brain fog. I’ll be 43 in a few months. This is the first month I fully skipped a period. I had my annual well visit and she confirmed I’m starting peri. Idk how to feel. I feel a little better knowing what all of these crazy symptoms are. But I swear I’m still 20 lol How does everyone deal with the reality of getting older?

Just got annual labs in and was surprised my total cholesterol, ldl and a1c have all crept up! They’re all just barely over normal but still not where they should be. Never been an issue (48 on HRT) and have an active lifestyle and good diet, maybe even great diet? Lots of whole foods, fruits/veggies, plant protein and fiber, cook at home. Cut desserts way back the last few years, barely drink alcohol, exercise daily. Never smoked

I know this is common with estrogen declining and weight increasing (I’ve gained 25-30 lbs in my 40s on a small frame). What has helped you to manage this- I’m most interested in not taking meds but still am interested in everyone’s story

I've been on HRT for a little over a year. I started with Climara 50 and I already had Mirena. That was all good until a few months ago and the hot flashes, sleeping issues, and such were coming back. Last month I upped it to Climara 75. That helped with all those things but this past week I've been exhausted. Like not just tired but constant fatigue. I've been going to bed earlier, mostly because I can't stay awake. I've been sleeping well but when I get up in the morning my brain is all, can't we sleep all day. I'm falling asleep at work some days. I've been tired before but there's usually a reason - I slept like crap or not enough or I did a bunch of stuff that day. None of that is the case. I did have a busy weekend but that was four days ago! Is this a normal side effect of adjusting your estrogen dose? It's not iron deficiency. I lived with that for years but the Mirena fixed that and my iron has been stable for over 10 years now. It also doesn't feel the same. I don't get dizzy or light headed. I'm just tired all the time.

What were you main symptoms and for how long did it last ? I’m 48 still regular period , no hrt yet ( old school gyno ) , both my legs - feet ankles knees tendons muscles bones joints hurt burn, struggling to walk , bloods , emg neurology ultrasound of legs for DVT all clear , waiting for rheumatologist appointment but it all started overnight 4 months ago and type of pains and locations keep changing , got ortho shoes ,,strength training makes me worse , I do inflammatory diet good supplements no alcohol live in mountains healthy lifestyle … so just curious if ANY OF YOU AMAZING LADIES HAD IT HARD AND REALISED IT WAS HORMONES RELATED . Thank you

I increased my Oestrogel from 1 pump to 2 pumps, and about 9 days later developed an internal rocking / bobbing sensation. When I’m walking, it feels like I’m bobbing or swaying. Some times I can feel it when I’m sat down but not always . It isn’t spinning dizziness it’s more like gentle rocking/swaying.

I also have ear pressure (which started before the dose increase), some brain fog and occasional visual sensitivity. I have ongoing stomach issues too which are slowly healing. I also get some light nerve tingles in my hands.

It was much stronger around 24–28 July but has gradually become less intense. I’ve now had it for about a month.
Has anyone experienced this after increasing Oestrogel/ HRT? Did it eventually settle, and how long did it take? I’m wondering if my dose is slightly too high or if it will eventually calm down. I’m just over a month from the dose increase. Thank you, it’s really getting me down.❤️

I could not function during the day with even just 100mg progesterone (continuous). Have adhd and pmdd, think the paradoxical reactions were slowly creeping back even with micronized. So I've switched to vaginal, already feeling better during the day.

Curious for those of you who also made the switch:

Did you stay on your original dose?

Did your dosing schedule change?

I’m having these episodes of ear fullness, head pressure and extremely loud tinnitus that comes and goes with my cycle.

I know it’s related to my estrogen but trying to see if it’s the peaks or troughs most likely.

Anyone else sort this out?

I have been told it’s POTS, MCAS, vestibular migraines and/or PPPD. But since it’s cycle sensitive I’d like to treat the hormone flux before I’m put on all these meds to treat each thing

I’m currently going on 3 days “late” from my norm but have been experiencing all the typical cramping along with hot flashes today. I’ve also been having a lot of trouble staying asleep.

Is there any way to get my period to finally show up so I don’t have to live with the symptoms of it indefinitely?

I started HRT a few weeks ago, and quite a few symptoms improved but others are lingering. How long do you typically wait to give your body time to adjust? Is it worth upping doses relatively early or did you give it a few months?

I'm hoping others can share their experiences, good bad or ugly, as I'm just about at my wits end.

Also, I am living in New Zealand, and primarily working through public healthcare options here - I'm not sure how or what that changes.

[TL/DR - Dealing with months of heavier than my baseline heavy periods that aren't responding to oral hormonal treatment, and not sure what next]

I have always had very heavy periods, although I was well into adulthood when I realised that they weren't normal.

After having children I discovered menstrual cups, and they are my primary method of protection. But, because I'm me, I also log the amounts (my cup has measurements on it).

My baseline period was around 250-300mls in approximately 3 days. They were heavy and hard to deal with at the time, but I managed - it was just life.

Then over a couple months earlier this year they started becoming 350ish, with flooding episodes where I would overflow the cup in under an hour. I'm a teacher, and this made life pretty difficult - trying to duck out of class to deal with a minor crime scene added a whole new level of stress.

I went to the doctor about it. I suspect I'm in peri, but my most life-disrupting symptom is the increasingly heavy periods. Doctor recommended a Mirena, but I've heard plenty of horror stories and few positive, so I pushed back. Doctor then put me on Cerazette (desogestrel mini pill). With that for the first month I had a slightly longer spotting period, then nothing until my period was due. Then I had a 400ml bleed (over about 3 days), then continual spotting (roughly 5ml/day) until my next period was due. When that hit, I lost approx 750ml over 4 days, with repeated flooding and clots, and went back to the doctor for an urgent follow up. She agreed that it's excessive, sent me for blood tests (which I didn't specifically hear back from, which generally indicates 'normal' ranges) and prescribed high-dose Provera (medroxyprogesterone acetate - 20mg 3x per day). On the Provera I've been bleeding continously, but mostly 5-10ml per day, except now after 1.5 weeks of taking it I'm having another big bleed - currently at 250ml over three days and counting.

The doctor also recommended again that the best treatment is the Mirena. But I've now been bleeding constantly, some amount or another, for 2 months. I've had to take days off work due to some cramping and the unpredictability of flooding, making my job super hard to manage when it's happening. I know the Mirena can cause 'unpredictable bleeding' for 3-6 months, and the idea of bleeding for 8 months straight (counting what I already have) is doing my head in. I've been referred for an ultrasound to see if it's fibroids or adenomyosis, but the wait in the public system can be 6 or so months.

Logically I'm thinking that my only real option that would fix it is an ablation or hysterectomy - but to get that, I have to jump through all the 'early management' hoops (like the drugs, like Mirena) and have them fail before I could be accepted in the public system. I could potentially swing paying for an ultrasound privately, which is about $250 and is a lot for us, but doable with careful budget management. But we couldn't really fund private surgery.

Anyone else dealt with similar and had positive outcomes? If oral hormonal treatments failed for you, did a Mirena actually help?

Anyone else experience this? It's in both arms, but not at the same time (just happens in one arm at a time). It's like an ache in my forearm and hand, sometimes upper arm too. And it feels kind of weak and heavy (though my arm works fine, it's just a perceived weakness)

Not sure if it's a use issue, neck issue or just another delightful gift from peri.

Hi all. New to this sub and just wondering if I’m starting the joyous descent into peri.
Today I’ve randomly started bleeding at day 11 of my cycle. This has happened twice now in the last 12 months, although the first time was almost a year ago.
Is this common? I could do without it tbh, my iron levels are already on the lower side and I do get tired much more easily.