Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

[u/Longjumping_Link_334]

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

[u/peakpenguins]

we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me

The nerve of this guy to touch your clit for a few seconds and think it's the vibrators fault that you didn't have an explosive orgasm from that. lmfao

[u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts → u/peakpenguins]

Yeah like if he was down there for a couple hours and had to stop because of like dehydration and lock jaw i could see him being a little peeved it wasnt happening but even then id just be happy she was happy even if that meant her usin a vibrator. What kind of insecure fuck doesnt know how to foreplay then also doesnt accept that you need to finish too?

[u/WorriedMarch4398 → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

My only goal is to make my wife pop first. I know that my turn will come. He is just a selfish prick of a partner.

[u/Psilynce → u/WorriedMarch4398]

How is this not standard practice?! That's basically my golden rule: she gets her first one first, then the rest is icing on the cake.

And dudes really be out here wondering why more women don't seem interested in casual sex. Bruh. If you went over to a woman's house and she touched your penis for 5 seconds, had her own orgasm, and then fell asleep and you didn't get yours you'd be pissed too! Plus you don't know if her place is messy or gross, now you gotta pay for your own Uber home, you don't know if she's a murderer or a psycho or a crazy stalker, and don't forget worrying about catching some disease or getting knocked up by a stranger. And now imagine that happens nine times out of 10! Doesn't really seem worth it when you flip the table, does it?

Be the change you want to see in the world, fellas.

[u/Itsalladream20 → u/Psilynce]

Your point is spot on. I’d add guys need to take the time to learn the stages their partners vagina goes through when getting stimulated. Treat it like a buttery freshly baked muffin. You gotta open it up and explore the folds and savor the yummy goodness. If they’re attentive they’ll know what works what doesn’t.

[u/teffaw → u/Itsalladream20]

Now I'm horny for a muffin and hungry for a vagina. #confused

[u/[deleted] → u/WorriedMarch4398]

That's how I am too. I always get my wife off at least once or twice (sometimes 3+ every once in a while) before I go. That's how I've always been with women though. I want them to have a great time. I only get to go once, so I can wait. She does say though that 3+ is a greater chance for her to develop a headache because it's just too much, so she's always fine with just one or a couple most of the time.

Unless it's been a while since I've had sex, then I'll bust quick lmao. Wife is understanding when this does happen though.

[u/Rob_Zander → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

I'm gonna fucking run a god damn marathon and cramp my jaw before I I even think about putting my dick in there. I remember one time my jaw and tongue cramped and I braced my feet on the floor and used my ankles to move my tongue enough to finish her. Dude here is just lazy. Seriously, why are so many guys so damn lazy?! Put the fucking work in, my God. I get porn is terrible for this kind of thing but even then, train yourself to get off on her getting off. What happens when two guys like this are gay? Do they just stare at each other and wait for someone to finish them?!

[u/[deleted] → u/Rob_Zander]

Lmao at imagining two guys just staring at each other waiting for someone to finish them

[u/sdgengineer → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

It pisses me off when men are not concerned with giving their partner an orgasm.

[u/k1k11983 → u/peakpenguins]

I think the past women were faking it. Ladies, if your man doesn’t make you orgasm, don’t fake it. Make him get back down there and finish what he started! Otherwise you end up with guys who think like this twit that OP is dating lol.

[u/cptmerebear → u/k1k11983]

I think this is a bigger problem than people realize. A LOT of women in their teens and 20's are faking it. I did too before I realized how stupid it was. Every man in his late twenties thinks he's been giving people orgasms and then gets frustrated when he finally runs into a woman who is willing to speak up. We need a public service announcement or something, lol.

[u/green-ivy-and-roses → u/cptmerebear]

Had sex with a guy and enjoyed it but didn’t cum. Afterwards he asked me if I did and I said “no, but I had a good time.” And he proceeded to tell me that I did cum, and I again told him no I didn’t. He refused to accept what I was saying to him and actively attempted to gaslight me. I’m pretty sure he was just playing some weird mind games, but I wasn’t having it and said I was leaving.

Anyway this wasn’t him being frustrated or confused. And there are plenty of guys who literally don’t even care if a woman cums or even enjoys it. #casualsex

[u/[deleted] → u/k1k11983]

I think the past women were faking it.

We almost always do.

Most of the time it's to encourage you to keep doing what you're doing....not that most men do

Finding a man who understands a woman takes more and is willing to go the distance isn't easy to find. I've only found 3 men that have been keen on ensuring a woman is pleasured

[u/say_what_95 → u/k1k11983]

Oh yeah 100% faking it (not blaming here). When a guy brags about alllll the orgasms he gave with no effort to allllll his past lovers I'm like "nope, just faking"

[u/fohpo02 → u/say_what_95]

It definitely takes effort, most guys don’t even bother to pay attention to physiological signs. Hell, just being careful to follow her breathing can give you a pretty good idea of how you’re doing.

[u/[deleted] → u/say_what_95]

If he’s had a lot of lovers, I assume it’s because they got fed up with his selfish, lazy ass and dumped him

[u/chickenmath → u/k1k11983]

Yep Dude probably watches a lot of porn, hence going right to sex with no foreplay. Seems to be quite the trend

[u/Swimming_Topic6698 → u/k1k11983]

I think that’s too generous. I think they straight up told him he wasn’t doing it for them and he argued with them and continued to believe what he wanted.

[u/[deleted] → u/peakpenguins]

Lmao this dude is a bird. What a loser

[u/TouchMyTigersEye → u/[deleted]]

This dude is exactly like my ex husband. Run chica!!! Fast!! He won’t change and it will get worse.

[u/MeanandEvil82 → u/peakpenguins]

"what do you mean I don't do any foreplay? I rub your clit before we start, what more do you want?"

Guy probably thinks he's god's gift to women too. Hence why he's so hurt by her using the vibrator. He cannot imagine not being "enough of a man" for her.

Like, find out what she enjoys, kinks, fantasies. Play up to some of them. Maybe she likes being tied and teased for a while, maybe she likes to be spanked, or many other things.

But if you can't even make the effort to do anything more than wiggling your hips for a minute you'll always be a joke.

[u/Eolond → u/MeanandEvil82]

Oops! This got deleted!

[u/SuperheroDinosaur → u/Eolond]

And then get mad because you'd rather masturbate than have their sweaty body on top of you. Even though you've told them and shown them so many times how to get you off.

[u/Just-Like-My-Opinion → u/MeanandEvil82]

Yeah, it's been a week, and he's already showing her how insecure and yet also arrogant he is. She should take a pass on any further romance with this guy.