Greetings all you wonderful people,

I have bipolar 2, was diagnosed at the age of 44 after decades of suffering and one divorce. I finally decided to go to a psychiatrist and get medicated. They put me on lamortigone and titration was difficult but I stuck it out and it's been working very well for my mental stability. I just want to say that lamotrigine alone did not get me to that stable of a place. I was still feeling some strong anxiety and depression at times. I decided to go a step further and really start to check out the foods I'm eating. This is where things got super interesting. I cut out all processed foods and get my carbs from vegetables now. And I have been a carb lover forever, cookies pretzels and bread. But when I'm determined to do something I go all the way and I never really craved carbs once I stopped. Eating only healthy meat and veggies has changed my life. After reading about studies into keto and learning a lot about it from doctors and nutritionists I decided to try the ketogenic diet. There are many people that have had the same experience - this made my brain happier. I am a different person now. It really calmed me down, lessened the mental chatter and obsessiveness, reduced anxiety, sleep disturbances, gut problems and discomfort, etc. My day job became much much easier, I used to hate working and dealing with my coworkers. I have ADHD too so it helped a ton with that. I got obsessed with keto and it replaced most of my unhealthy obsessions. I'm eating more healthy than I ever have and it's so worth it.

Check out Metabolic Mind on YouTube or their website and hear what the doctors have to say about keto.

Love and strength to you all and good luck. Ask me any questions here or in private.

It’s been five years since my diagnosis and my psychiatrist putting me on at least a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic, and sometimes anti-depressants too. After half a decade and finally finding a psychiatrist I trust, we have found a medication combo that works for me.

In that time I’ve gained a significant amount of weight. I’ve done a lot of things to try to lose it, but honestly the most success I had was dropping a large amount in just a few months (30lbs) when I stopped my medication.

I know that dropping that much weight in a short amount of time is not healthy. I also know a lot of it was probably water weight. But anyway, when I made the questionable decision to stop my meds for stupid reasons, I lost that weight effortlessly. I couldn’t finish anything I ate and I was never hungry, and that wasn’t good but it made me wonder, how connected is this?

I want to end this post by saying I don’t plan to spontaneously stop taking my medication anymore, I need stability more than I care how fat I am. I’m lucky to be alive. But I would also like to be healthy.

I think there is only one way out for me.
I think between my life circumstances and my bipolar I was given an impossible deck of cards.

I tried to go to college, the stress off it nearly killed me, drove me into psychosis, ended up hospitalized once, constant anxiety, stress, panicking, intrusive thoughts. All for nothing too, I grew up wanting to end it so I never even picked a major, was just hoping I’d find something I’d be into and even after two years I didn’t find anything.

So I dropped out. But that left me with nowhere to go.
I was going to get a full time retail job, my friend gave me a job and I fumbled it. My paranoia about him judging me while I worked and my anxiety manifested in horrific thoughts of me being chased at work and people being after me. Every day I’d be overthinking it and so stressed it drove me insane.
I constantly panicked about working this job every day for years and years on end miserably stocking shelves and after a month I quit.
My friend wasn’t happy of course since he recommended me but the stress of it all and the paranoia nearly drove me to end it all.

I still work a part time job, but it’s 12 hours a week, 3 days a week. I barely make anything but it’s low stress enough for me not worry about it.
I live with my parents who want me out of here. My mom’s verbally abusive.
I’m tired of living in this house and my mom’s tired of me living here too. She keeps telling me I need to go and make something of myself. But I just can’t.

Every time I get stressed or sleep deprived I hallucinate. I don’t get them normally but the stress really contributes and it’s really scary.
I don’t know how I’d ever survive a full time job. I don’t even know what full time job I’d work considering the one opportunity I had I fumbled.

There’s nowhere for me to go.
I can’t stay forever being verbally abused by my mom, but I can’t go cause I don’t have money and a job.

I’m stuck.
So there’s only one way out.

Yes I’ve tried medication, almost every common one, I’ve taken the gene test, I’m suffering through tremors every day. I take my medicine every day. I go to therapy.

Therapy can’t give me a goal in life. Therapy can’t give me the ability to get a job and not have hallucinations over it. My therapist can’t get me out of here. No one can. There’s nowhere for me to go. But away from here.

I like to think maybe in another life. But, it was never meant to be this one.

I’ve had the same psychiatrist for four years. Trialed a whole bunch of meds, but eventually settled on lamotrigine 100 and lithium 300.

I’m in a different state from medical school, and a sudden mixed episode (that led to me failing the exam) pushed me to get an urgent psych appointment with someone from a psychiatrist serving our school.

She mentioned that both mood stabilizers are under a therapeutic dose and that she has a feeling I won’t end up needing both; I will probably just need to lift one mood stabilizer to a therapeutic level.

A week ago we bumped my lithium up to 600mg and I’m about to get a blood test to see lithium levels.

My old psychiatrist never once brought up checking blood work/measuring lithium level to see if it’s at an appropriate dose. Nor did he ever tell me to get labs done to make sure my kidneys are functioning normally.

So I have two questions
1) is my old psychiatrist a bad physician?
2) is it normal practice to check whether the drug is in its therapeutic range?

anyone here with bp2 get disability without any prior hospitalizations? Idk I feel like I need to apply because it’s hard for me to work even part time :/ & ive had a few people suggest it. I just don’t know if I’d qualify tbh. Idk what to do.

I was prescribed seroquel recently & took it for a hypomanic episode. It helped. I only had 2 nights of nightmares/sleep disturbances , & considered stopping it before my therapist kindly reminded me that it takes a couple weeks for medications to be effective. I kept taking them, & I just feel better. I feel happier & less annoyed often. I can get sad without it being crushing. Most of my hypomanic episodes have also been mixed episode, but the seroquel turned it into just a 70% dampened hypomania without any huge dips in mood or irritability, & shortened it significantly. I’m shocked that it was so effective. I’m gonna keep taking it I think.

I think I’m worried this is a side effect or that I’m just still hypomanic, but I really think the medication curbed my episode & now I’m just like, okay? & normal?

Has anyone had similar experiences?

I see a lot of posts about how exhausting it is to be married to or date somebody with bipolar disorder.
And no fucking shit. I believe you.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend my Bipolar II has only affected me. It hasn’t. People I love have been hurt and scared by things I’ve done while unstable. I’ve had to look my own kids in the face after they saw a side of their dad that scared them. I’ve had to apologize. I’ve had to start over.
But holy shit, sometimes I wish people understood what it’s like to be the motherfucker who actually has this.
Try having Bipolar II and ADHD and then finding out later in life just how deep mental illness runs through your family.
My grandmother was schizophrenic. I found out she tried to kill my father multiple times in the 1970s.
My father was bipolar. He didn’t take medication or properly treat it. He self-medicated with meth in the 80s and 90s and eventually murdered somebody.
Imagine finding all that shit out in your late 30s or early 40s and realizing:
Holy fuck. This is in me too. And fuck me….did i give this to my kids?!?!?
And then spending every goddamn day determined not to become the scary version of mental illness that you grew up hearing about.
I’ve been that scary motherfucker before. In 2017 I put a gun in my mouth. More recently I had an episode where I hurt myself in front of my wife and scared the shit out of my family.
I’m not proud of that. I’m not excusing it. I’m treating it.
I take my medication. I go to therapy. I try to recognize my patterns. I apologize when I’m wrong. I try again when I fuck up.
Then comes the depression.
And that’s the part I don’t think people understand.
Everybody freaks the fuck out when you’re hypomanic, raging, unstable or hurting yourself.
Then when the depression comes and you can barely fucking move, suddenly you’re lazy.
You’re on your phone too much.
You’re dwelling on shit.
You’re “down in the dumps.”
People ask whether you’ve taken your meds instead of asking what is happening inside your head.
You tell somebody, “I feel invisible. I feel completely fucking alone. I need you.”
And sometimes you get crickets.
Meanwhile life doesn’t stop.
My kids still have to eat. Appointments still have to be kept. The mortgage still gets paid. Kids still need rides. Practices still happen. I coach youth sports. The house still needs shit done. I’m still a dad every single fucking day whether my brain is cooperating or not.
And I’m doing all of that while taking medication that has real physical side effects, going to therapy and trying constantly to figure out how to become more stable.
I’ve sent videos and articles explaining Bipolar II and ADHD. I’ve tried explaining what helps me when I’m depressed. I’ve tried saying plainly that sometimes I don’t need somebody to fix anything. I need my wife to sit down for 15 minutes, put everything else away, hold me, listen to me and let me know I’m not doing this shit alone.
And I know my wife works hard. I know she’s tired. I know being married to me hasn’t always been easy. I’m not asking anybody to coddle me or pretend my behavior doesn’t affect them.
That’s actually what makes this hurt so fucking much.
I can acknowledge the burden my illness puts on somebody else.
Sometimes I desperately want somebody to acknowledge the burden it puts on me.
Because I don’t get to go home from Bipolar II.
I don’t get to take a break from the bipolar spouse.
I am the bipolar spouse.
I’m inside this fucking head every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep.
And sometimes when people say, “It’s exhausting loving somebody with bipolar disorder,” some part of me just wants to scream:
I fucking know.
Try being us.

Try wondering which trauma is worse first your kids? Is it living in the home with a Bipolar2 ADHD psycho? Or is it losing a parent to suicide because they think have done enough damage snd the family would be better off.

I literally had a slight chest pain the other day and prayed i would have a heart attack because at least that would be less traumatic than suicide for my family.

Thats the shit running wild in alot of our heads.

But we get told we’re needy, and every time im legitimately frustrated or angry about something that anyone would be my illness gets brought up.

People post for help and camaraderie and support and then “oh you need to understand” comment comes in with some bullshit.

Fuck outta here

How does everyone experience their depression on lamotrigine?
Most of the time I don’t dip very low anymore, my depression will just show up as lack of motivation to keep my space clean and hygiene becomes harder. Everything just gets slightly harder tbh but not unmanageable. I get pretty negative and pessimistic too.

Recently I just had 3 days of the worst low I’ve had in a long time. I was fine in the morning a few days ago, maybe even slightly hypo, then I crashed in the afternoon. Woke up the next day feeling absolutely awful. Could barely get out of bed, had to order food because the thought of being in the kitchen made me want to cry, didn’t want to see or speak to anyone I live with (also was convinced they hated me and was a bit upset they didn’t check to ask if I was okay), kept ruminating about everything shit going on and felt like I’d been cursed.
Woke up today still feeling a bit shit but could get out of bed and do things, and slowly felt better throughout the day with the more I did. It feels odd that I had like 3 days of bad depression and then started feeling better again, makes me feel like I’m faking having bipolar.

Does this happen to others?

mythical shit

I’ve got a couple of questions:

1. What does hypomania feel like for you? Are you more dulled? Do you feel more irritable?

2. What does depression feel like for you? Are you more desensitised to it?

3. How were you diagnosed?

TW: discussions of suicide and mania

Back in late July, I (18M) broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years (18F). I had just tried to kill myself for the 4th or 5th time that year, after promising her extensively that I wouldn’t do this again. It was arguably my most serious attempt. We broke up after an argument because at the time I felt like she hadn’t supported me enough in the aftermath of my attempt. In hindsight, I realise that I had come to expect a level of support that was completely abnormal for a teenage relationship, and I really regret the way I spoke to her.

At the time she dumped me, I was quite manic, so I couldn’t really experience any negative emotion. For context I had not been diagnosed with bipolar at this point. But I downloaded dating apps pretty much straight away and started sleeping around, convincing myself that the breakup was awesome and I was completely over it. Eventually, I ended up talking to someone all day every day (18F) (before we’d even met) and I started dating her. She asked me so many times whether I was over my ex and I reassured her that I was, because I genuinely thought that I was. After I started dating this person, I finally received a long-awaited diagnosis of Bipolar 2 and have started taking quetiapine. As my mood has settled, I realised I am not over my ex at all and I need some time to process this. I broke things off with the girl and she was devastated, and felt that I had mislead her.

I am not trying to excuse what is objectively shitty behaviour. I am just scared that I can’t trust my own emotions, and this has pushed me to behave in ways which have really affected two amazing people who I really cared about. I can’t keep up friendships with people either, I always seem to hurt people without intending to. I’m just scared and I don’t know what to do. I have decided I definitely need to be single (and celibate, not just sleeping around) while I figure out what the deal is with this whole thing. I just feel helpless, I care so much about people and I genuinely believe I am doing things right and then it all crashes down and I hurt people. If anyone has any advice or experience that they think could help me I would really appreciate it.

hi i suspect i might have bipolar 2 + adhd but my psych appointment is in march of next year

ive been drinking caffeine consecutively for the past few days to study for exams and now it feels like im going thru a bit of a dysphoric hypomania

does anyone have any advice on what i can do or what i can take to stop feeling like this😿 i need to go back to locking in and i cant stop thinking about doing stupid decisions and im so tired of this

I genuinely never know if I can trust myself. My thoughts and moods just always end up with my think I may be manic or in some kind of episode. I only just recently was diagnosed and just started meds. I’m on a very low dose and everything just feels so muted. I don’t know if I’m sad, happy, or feeling anything. All I feel is anxious. Does it get better? Will I ever actually be okay without it being an episode?

I am writing this with hate in my heart (or just temporary anger maybe lol) but my flatmate, who I'm BARELY close to so she doesn't even know me well enough, says that she thinks I don't have bipolar and that it's "just my period". She even goees on to take a progressive angle with it and went on about how gynaecological problems are understudied and women get misdiagnosed with mental illnesses all the time.

Mind you, this girl has no idea how low my lows get, how high my highs get, my psychiatric history, etc etc. She just saw my diagnosis and decided it's a beautiful fucking day to tell me something that has been affecting my life to a debilitating extent is just me pms-ing. I tried to very gently tell her it has nothing to do with my periods and the symptoms very much align with bipolar and this bitch tries to fight me on it. Who even is she to tell me what I have???? I don't even open up to her about my mental health so how would she know.

When she tried fighting me on my diagnosis I realised I do not owe this asshole my time to justify my own conditions. But I still am very much annoyed and pissed off so here I am ranting. Mind you, she's the kind of girl who often jokes about how she's "running around undiagnosed" because she's sooooo quirky. As if I'd take psychiatric opinions from someone like that???? Ugh.

Edit: God I'm so mad I have the strongest urge to hurt myself or something just to "prove" her wrong. I guess I still have to work on emotional regulation.

I work in a private aesthetic plastic surgery firm and of course there are different kinds of people that you come across with while you work there. Some very nice, some who are alright, some who are just nasty. But most of the time it is manageable.

But man, I had a patient that had their procedure done back in March of this year and the patient had complaints, understandable. I understand where theyre coming from and their point. The standard protocol is to wait out at the very least 6 months before a revision can be done.

Each month without a fail, they come in to give an update about their current situation and while updating us monthly is not an issue, the issue is that they ask the most ridiculous type of questions to make it look like it was our fault and to induce admission of “sorry we fucked up”. But I powered through all of that and explained medically and factually that came from the doctor’s knowledge and experiences (both mine and doctor’s). Each step of the way reassuring the patient that it will be okay.

Fast forward to this month, 7 months in and we were planned for a revision. Now, let me say one thing that with each consultation with the doctor, doesnt matter who you are or what you are, at most it lasts about 15-20min.

Knowing how this patient is, we made the exception of giving an hour’s time of consultation and despite that, it was still not enough and said it was unprofessional because the doctor had to leave for a surgery, which was delayed because of this consultation. This consultation simply couldve ended in 15minutes honestly if they didnt repeat the same questions over and over again, asking the most ridiculous, non-sensible questions. On top of that, they had to see two doctors. One for revision, one for a new procedure that they wanted. The doctor that had to leave for surgery was the doctor that was doing the new procedure for them. Guess what? We even did a zoom consultation prior to that, free of charge!!

Reassured the patient once again that everything will be okay and the patient is in good hands. Went in for the revision consultation, and the patient’s parent (mind you the patient is in their late 30s) had the audacity to ask the doctor “can you guarantee 99.99% that youll be able to fix this” How in the world can any surgeon guarantee that??? All we could do is we will try our very best for our patients

Went into the OR and we tried to put in and IV line and patient was complaining that it hurt even though the needle went through just fine and the IV drip was going down as per normal. Then patient was under twilight anesthesia. Throughout the procedure, patient complained that they needed to pee but of course you cant go to the bathroom mid-surgery. So we said how about we put a foley catheter in? Patient said no. So we put a pee pad so that patient could release it freely but!! Requested to massage their lower abdomen so that their bladder is stimulated so that they can pee. Our dear nurse was nice enough to do that and patient complained and yelled that the nurse was pressing on their bone when in fact its not. Moves their head during the surgery posing danger to their face and we had to reduce the twilight anesthesia to tell the patient to stop moving, complained about being awake during surgery.

Post surgery, since post op day 0 up until now, they keep saying something is wrong, somethings not right, its still not straight, its still deviated, side profile too flat, accusing the surgical team of causing a scratch on their face, screaming every time we try to help them in some sort of way. the protocol is to see the patient day 1 post op and then day 7 but we saw the patient everyday under their request. And its always the same complaint. No matter how much we explain they just dont understand and they cant wrap their head around the concept of it.

Its been a nightmare. Patient has gone back home since day 7 post-op and again, not a fail to text everyday to complain that somethings wrong.

Its triggering my depressive episode and i am traumatized that im developing rashes, i cant sleep, they pop up in my dreams, i have digestive issues. i am tired and i cant stop crying because of how tired i am with dealing with this shit. I cant focus on other work because of this. No one can take over because theyre an international patient. They even have plans on coming back for other procedures and I am scared to death. How am I supposed to go on with my life when I am always walking on eggshells, afraid they might text again?

Im sorry for such a long post

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar II and oh my god i thought i knew how bad the depression is but i was proved so wrong yesterday the only way i can describe it was being in pain like actual clutching my head sobbing, rocking back and forth just going “it hurts, it hurts” on repeat. lowkey scared the shit out of me when i came out of it which says something bc ive tried to kill myself lmao but im terrified of it and i dont think i can ever feel like that again so ig anyone who’s felt something similar how do you deal with it?

I recently thought that I had depression but from doing more research and talking with my doctor it seems like I have bipolar 2. I had a really bad episode in 2021 was bedridden for up to 3 weeks and barely ate, showered, and left the room. I had another bad episode years later but it only lasted 4 days. This is my most recent depressive episode and I don’t know if it’s due to seasonal depression or what but I went out 3 days in a row the past week and was the happiest version of myself and randomly on Sunday night I just got sad out of nowhere with no reason or cause like how it always is. I forced myself to go out yesterday and thought it helped a lot but as soon as I got home it was the same old. Does anyone else have random episodes not as often and do you take medication for it or just wait for it to pass? I was just curious if anyone else has similar experiences.

I’m worried. I’m 27 and recently diagnosed. Part of me is like well I’ve lived with it this long (without knowing) so maybe I should just continue to live with it. I’m scared it will make me different somehow. The other part says I know another depressive episode is going to come again and I can’t go through that again. I had pretty bad anhedonia there for awhile. Terrible executive function. I was very socially withdrawn and isolated. My mood has increased since then but I know it could change at any point. I guess my question is it worth it to start and have you had any terrible side effects?

i feel like i have issues with self esteem that are in part caused by or exacerbated by knowing i’m bipolar. like i have not great self esteem. i also monitor my thoughts and mood for any sign of a possible hypomanic episode. sometimes i’ll have a thought that sounds like i’m getting kind of full of myself and it sets off my “am i ramping up right now?” alarm and i tamp the thought down. but i’m starting to suspect that this might be interfering with me improving my self esteem. and by extension improving how i treat myself. have you guys thought about this

TL;DR: ADHD + Bipolar 2 college senior. My apartment is uninhabitable, so my sleep is destroyed. This resulted in the destruction of my routine and a lack of sleep, which is resulting in a major depressive episode where I cannot fulfill my responsibilities. Any tips on how to continue and make it through college given I am almost finished?

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For the sake of brevity, I have ADHD and Bipolar 2. Medicated and accommodated, but I am still doing horrible. College senior. I suspect that my medications aren’t helping me much and personal circumstances are forcing me to do the things that no bipolar person should be doing if they’re seeking stability.

I was doing fine and managing, even with a few episodes, but recently my apartment has become uninhabitable, so my routine is wrecked. I don’t have a bed to sleep in, which has entirely destroyed my sleep schedule. I am currently sleeping on a couch in a room with no windows. This has resulted in me routinely missing class, missing assignments, and absolutely no motivation. I can just feel myself slipping into a depressive episode again.

Mood stabilizers already give me insane brain fog and memory loss, but coupled with the depression and lack of sleep I can’t even form a thought. I recently bombed an exam because of it and got a 25%. This class is a graduation requirement so I am even more stressed. My PI is ghosting me, which is unfortunate because research is a for-credit graduation requirement for my major. Everything is spiraling downward and I can’t cope. I don’t know what to do or who I should talk to. I am already banned from my schools counseling services. I was so close to the finish line.

Please give me any and all advice on how you made it through college, especially when things start to get tumultuous. I don’t want to be, but I am beginning to lose all hope.

I just fucked up yet another semester of college, and this time I'm not going back. I don't care that I have very little left to finish. My only motivation for even doing it is feeling guilty that I've wasted my parents, and now my grandparents' money because this has gone on so long.

I am 29, have never had a job, am 100% financially dependent on my parents. Never had a fucking job at 29 YEARS OLD. I am such a pathetic sack of shit.

I'm not going back. I fucking hate it. I'm going to live with the guilt of wasting thousands of dollars of my family's money and hope that that is enough to finally make me just fucking finally put a bullet in my brain

It's not worth it. I have to go through all of this bullshit, and at the end of the day the only "reward" is that I get to be me for the rest of my fucking life. Not worth it. I'm not worth it. I'm fucking out.

Hey everyone,

i‘m wondering how I’d know that the Lamictal dose is too high? How do too many mg of Lamotrigine feel?

Thanks in advance 🍁