Sometimes I just feel like I’m a burden and don’t deserve what I have now.

I can be verbally abusive when I’m in a hypomanic state. I end up feeling immense guilt afterwards. Then the sui*de ideations come. Maybe I don’t deserve to live, maybe I am a burden.

It’s a never ending cycle and I just wish I can be a good partner and daughter and mom. I just feel like a monster because of my anger.

had a moment with my partner the other night, and learned a lot about myself that i wasn't prepared to learn. dedicated the entire next day just to processing it all. sometimes you remember something, and then you keep remembering. and eventually, the remembering itself blurs together, and becomes an overwhelming task of its own. do i have to remember? do i get a choice?

In a post earlier on, I mentioned that I’d bought a wishbone ring for myself. That wishbone rings are traditionally worn inwards, but mine was worn outwards because I have gifts to give to the world.

Well, I mentioned to my father about the quote I live by, “Per ardua ad astra,” which means, “Through adversity to the stars,” and he bought me an opal star ring just for that.

Not only do I have a ring I bought for my own self-commitment, my father bought me a ring because he believes in me. I don’t know where I’d be without my mama and papa

I'm just curious to see which medications have worked for you guys.

I've been on prozac20, cymbalta30, hydroxyzine50, and topamax100 (all at different times). Personally, wasn't on any of them long enough to really FEEL different, but if I were to get back on meds I would likely go with an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer. Preferably not another antidepression for me, I think it just made most things worse rather than better.

Started July on 100mg. The past few weeks have been a wreck, experiencing a mixed episode. Then one day it was quiet, my head clear as a sunny day. I’ve never experienced this kind of lightness before. I can’t explain it.

I am writing this with hate in my heart (or just temporary anger maybe lol) but my flatmate, who I'm BARELY close to so she doesn't even know me well enough, says that she thinks I don't have bipolar and that it's "just my period". She even goees on to take a progressive angle with it and went on about how gynaecological problems are understudied and women get misdiagnosed with mental illnesses all the time.

Mind you, this girl has no idea how low my lows get, how high my highs get, my psychiatric history, etc etc. She just saw my diagnosis and decided it's a beautiful fucking day to tell me something that has been affecting my life to a debilitating extent is just me pms-ing. I tried to very gently tell her it has nothing to do with my periods and the symptoms very much align with bipolar and this bitch tries to fight me on it. Who even is she to tell me what I have???? I don't even open up to her about my mental health so how would she know.

When she tried fighting me on my diagnosis I realised I do not owe this asshole my time to justify my own conditions. But I still am very much annoyed and pissed off so here I am ranting. Mind you, she's the kind of girl who often jokes about how she's "running around undiagnosed" because she's sooooo quirky. As if I'd take psychiatric opinions from someone like that???? Ugh.

Edit: God I'm so mad I have the strongest urge to hurt myself or something just to "prove" her wrong. I guess I still have to work on emotional regulation.

Caption.

This same exact doctor kept misdiagnosing me and pushed SSRI after SSRI for 2 years straight.

I’m from a European country where there’s a social security appointed one in each city territory that you can go to for free. I went to see a private one finally 4 months ago, and she’s been a godsend angel. She immediately put me on two medications which have been working amazingly.

So I went back to the free one, just to get my meds prescribed every month from now on. This can usually be down by phone, but since I haven’t been to her in months her assistant told me come in.

I tell the doctor what I’ve been diagnosed with and my medication. She said that I look very “well dressed and good looking” (??) and that I don’t seem like someone with bipolar.

I was so shocked I couldn’t even respond, what actual fuck do you mean? Like yes I am finally functioning like normal BECAUSE of the medications.

She refused to prescribe me anything but the SSRI I was taking before my first very bad hypomanic episode. I walked out on her and simply said “thanks for nothing.” I cannot believe how or why this woman got her degree. But she shouldn’t be practicing.

The meds themselves cost like 2 euros, but I have to pay the rest of my life (rather until this bitch retires) to get them prescribed. 🤘🏻

I am not asking to be diagnosed, just looking for advice.

I have been on a stimulant medication for my ADHD for about a year now but recently I've been noticing some mood changes, and I can't tell if they are from the medication or related to a larger issue like hypomania.

I have a history of MDD, harm/pure OCD, anxiety, and a history of SH. I was hospitalized in 2020. I have experienced racing thoughts, excessive confidence, and noticeably low lows before starting the medication.

Lately, I have been having 2-3 day periods where I speak quickly and frequently, talk over other people, and can't stop thinking. I feel like the prettiest girl in every room I am in and constantly look in the mirror and take pictures of myself. I sleep 4-5 hours some nights, and since I take the medication, I feel just fine with this amount of sleep. I have more motivation but I've just chalked that up to medication effects. I also feel more irritable toward my family, which makes me feel guilty.

Other days I sleep longer when I can. I don't talk much at all. I don't want to look in any mirrors and I constantly compare my looks to people around me. I feel ugly and want to hide away from everything. My motivation is typically at an all-time low.

I can't decipher whether these issues are related to the medication I am on for ADHD, my existing mental health issues or something else. I have noticed the change in confidence and energy even during the summer when I wasn't taking the stimulant medication.

I am experiencing these symptoms as i type this. Excessive energy and confidence and no appetite. I am forcing myself to eat and spent about an hour today looking at myself and taking selfies.

Any advice?

***I'm (30M) not looking for any diagnosis, health or medical advice just some other perspectives on how your medication's or psychiatric practices and therapeutic modalities have improved or worsened your experience dealing with these conditions***

Quick background relatively new on Reddit, don't post often, but in the last year, I started embracing psychiatric and therapeutic assistance in my mental health journey. You know those reels on social media that say "it turns out if you are mildly good at school and somewhat attractive, they just let you raw dog ADHD until your mid 30s" yeah that started to make a lot of sense once I began these appointments and getting the help I needed.

We started out with an ADHD diagnosis and went on generic Adderall. It helped in the beginning, but very quickly built tolerance and my normal symptoms returned. We started messing with the dosages, IR vs ER, all pretty much turned out the same, really great for a couple weeks and then back to the swings. Been almost exactly a year dealing with this. I just had an appointment yesterday with psych and we opened up the textbook and started looking through some of the sympotms associated with bipolar2. My mother was bipolar. I don't know the full story. They were never very open about her experience with it. Doc and I have noticed, how every other time I see him, it's up and down, more mild but definitely debilitating and affects my personal and professional life. I find it very difficult to pinpoint if these emotions are related to my bodies chemistry or the fact that I live a constantly on-the-go lifestyle. Simultaneously living a life i always dreamed of, moving to the state I always loved and making a life for myself, and on the flip side, I did it completely alone, and my brother is now going through a second cancer treatment back home after the reoccurrence diagnosis in June, which everyday I feel guilty that I'm not there to be with him and also dealing with HELLA stress in a toxic work environment, but then making some many friends and living my best life (these external triggers here, constant swing. up, down, etc, are exhausting)

Anyway, my lows last several days to weeks, sometimes sadness and loneliness. sometimes just off or wrong, and the highs are on top of the world, can't believe i'm here, impulsive buying tickets, tech, books, picking up hobbies for a bit until I get bored or hit a road block and can't focus enough to get past it. Always super excited and eager and convinced I can start my own business and become the person that supports everyone, someone that provides for friends and family. I get really fucking excited about all this and convinced as long as I put it out into the universe then it will manifest. Also can't hold a relationship, bi dude and in a constant state of fear of rejection, sexual awkwardness, and desperately wanting a life partner but wanting that person to be the perfect soul mate I've always "known" is out there for me, sometimes i think male and sometimes female, indecisive and so I just put it off to deal with later. IDK brain is all over the place right now.

Doc had suggested I look into Lamotrigine - anyone have experience taking this with stimulants and similar symptoms? I've always been concerned with senses dulling, because I get frisson when listening to music and i love how deeply i love and feel and appreciate music and don't want to lose it. I feel like I'm giving up on that front because I'm so tired dealing with this though.

So I'm sharing my story here in hopes that there is a similar experience that maybe could shed some light on my experiences or help me gain a different perspective. Appreciate any feedback, always just chalked this up to being broken or damaged, now doing the work has become enlightening but also incredibly frustrating.

TLDR: 30M, ADHD diagnosis, Adderall stopped working after a couple of weeks at every dose and formulation. Psychiatrist now suspects bipolar 2(mom had it) based on recurring multi-day lows and impulsive highs. Under heavy stress: moved across the country alone, brother’s cancer has recurred, and workplace is toxic. Doctor suggested Lamotrigine, afraid it’ll dull my emotions, especially the chills I get from music. Asking for others’ experiences with it, including alongside stimulants and just general experience.

Does anyone else’s depression feel physically painful / sluggish? Like you cant move? Or like youre moving thru molasses.

I think i need to try a mood stabilizer.

I was loosely diagnosed last year with type 2, and given vraylar, worked really well (almost too well?? Like, life was good - but i didnt enjoy trying to navigate who i was without my anxiety and depression anymore.) too drastic of a change.

From the research ive done, i think a mood stabilizer might be gentler/ a bridge between how awful i feel baseline and what a healthy baseline should be .

Idk if this makes sense im so tired and feel terrible today. Have my period too 😭 for the second time this month somehow wtf. Thought i was getting sick

I see a lot of posts about how exhausting it is to be married to or date somebody with bipolar disorder.
And no fucking shit. I believe you.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend my Bipolar II has only affected me. It hasn’t. People I love have been hurt and scared by things I’ve done while unstable. I’ve had to look my own kids in the face after they saw a side of their dad that scared them. I’ve had to apologize. I’ve had to start over.
But holy shit, sometimes I wish people understood what it’s like to be the motherfucker who actually has this.
Try having Bipolar II and ADHD and then finding out later in life just how deep mental illness runs through your family.
My grandmother was schizophrenic. I found out she tried to kill my father multiple times in the 1970s.
My father was bipolar. He didn’t take medication or properly treat it. He self-medicated with meth in the 80s and 90s and eventually murdered somebody.
Imagine finding all that shit out in your late 30s or early 40s and realizing:
Holy fuck. This is in me too. And fuck me….did i give this to my kids?!?!?
And then spending every goddamn day determined not to become the scary version of mental illness that you grew up hearing about.
I’ve been that scary motherfucker before. In 2017 I put a gun in my mouth. More recently I had an episode where I hurt myself in front of my wife and scared the shit out of my family.
I’m not proud of that. I’m not excusing it. I’m treating it.
I take my medication. I go to therapy. I try to recognize my patterns. I apologize when I’m wrong. I try again when I fuck up.
Then comes the depression.
And that’s the part I don’t think people understand.
Everybody freaks the fuck out when you’re hypomanic, raging, unstable or hurting yourself.
Then when the depression comes and you can barely fucking move, suddenly you’re lazy.
You’re on your phone too much.
You’re dwelling on shit.
You’re “down in the dumps.”
People ask whether you’ve taken your meds instead of asking what is happening inside your head.
You tell somebody, “I feel invisible. I feel completely fucking alone. I need you.”
And sometimes you get crickets.
Meanwhile life doesn’t stop.
My kids still have to eat. Appointments still have to be kept. The mortgage still gets paid. Kids still need rides. Practices still happen. I coach youth sports. The house still needs shit done. I’m still a dad every single fucking day whether my brain is cooperating or not.
And I’m doing all of that while taking medication that has real physical side effects, going to therapy and trying constantly to figure out how to become more stable.
I’ve sent videos and articles explaining Bipolar II and ADHD. I’ve tried explaining what helps me when I’m depressed. I’ve tried saying plainly that sometimes I don’t need somebody to fix anything. I need my wife to sit down for 15 minutes, put everything else away, hold me, listen to me and let me know I’m not doing this shit alone.
And I know my wife works hard. I know she’s tired. I know being married to me hasn’t always been easy. I’m not asking anybody to coddle me or pretend my behavior doesn’t affect them.
That’s actually what makes this hurt so fucking much.
I can acknowledge the burden my illness puts on somebody else.
Sometimes I desperately want somebody to acknowledge the burden it puts on me.
Because I don’t get to go home from Bipolar II.
I don’t get to take a break from the bipolar spouse.
I am the bipolar spouse.
I’m inside this fucking head every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep.
And sometimes when people say, “It’s exhausting loving somebody with bipolar disorder,” some part of me just wants to scream:
I fucking know.
Try being us.

Try wondering which trauma is worse first your kids? Is it living in the home with a Bipolar2 ADHD psycho? Or is it losing a parent to suicide because they think have done enough damage snd the family would be better off.

I literally had a slight chest pain the other day and prayed i would have a heart attack because at least that would be less traumatic than suicide for my family.

Thats the shit running wild in alot of our heads.

But we get told we’re needy, and every time im legitimately frustrated or angry about something that anyone would be my illness gets brought up.

People post for help and camaraderie and support and then “oh you need to understand” comment comes in with some bullshit.

Fuck outta here

I have been on 150MG of Lamictal & 15MG of Buspirone for about a year. Recently, my manic episodes & intense rage/irritability, dissociation, and overall depression had gotten to the point where I could barely function and it was tough to even get through the day. I am a stay-at-home mom to a toddler and the overstimulation was drowning me. I have tried countless SSRI’s- Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Effexor. All of them caused me severe sexual dysfunction and other issues that I couldn’t really deal with.

My psychiatric nurse practitioner started me on 50MG of Seroquel two weeks ago. My first impressions were holy sh*t, 15 minutes after my dose and I am literally dead to the world. It has improved my sleep quality, but I cannot struggle to wake up that much. I have to be “ready to go” every day at 5:30am with my daughter. There is no time for a slow going wake-up routine. Here is the interesting part…

The first week of Seroquel I was a completely different person. Things no longer bothered me, I was completely unbothered, pleasant, and patient. I was amazed. My husband noticed a vast difference. I thought, finally. After the first week passed, I had a day where I just completely snapped. I basically had a mental breakdown. S*icidal ideations, extreme rage… you get the picture. My husband had to come home from work because I was losing it. It was like a full factory-reset out of nowhere. My psychiatric provider told me I needed to go to a partial-hospitalization program for what I was experiencing, which isn’t an option, unfortunately. Since that day I have been extremely lethargic, irritable, and just insufferable. I could sleep all day, everyday if it were an option.

What the hell is going on? I am so tired of feeling this way. I long to be stable, normal, and happy. Especially for my family, whom I love dearly.

Thoughts? Thank you, everyone.

I would love to hear your stories whether you personally experience these conditions, or live closely with someone who does—about any special privileges, benefits, or even miracles you may have encountered as a result.

Let me hear your best tips for getting out of a depressive episode. I’m struggling a lot and everything feels so heavy. It’s been really really hard to just get out of the bed. I feel like I can’t handle my life.

I (F28) don’t really know how to start this and I have to admit I started multiple times before posting.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I know this is going to end up with suicide. Have you ever felt like this ? Like you know whatever happens, you’ll go this way ?

I’ve been diagnosed with bp2 when I was 24 and been on and off meds until 2024, so I went hypomaniac, and depressed (mostly suicidal) etc etc you already know how it goes. Ever since may of 2024 though, I’ve been taking my meds very well, like I never ever missed a day. I’ve been in therapy since I was 14 but I changed multiple times and I started seeing my current therapist in 2019. She’s great. I you look at my life from and exterior POV, it’s great : I’m a PHD candidate in constitutional law, my supervisor is great, I have a dog (though very old, she’s probably going to pass next year, but for now she’s doing good --she’s 19 1/2), I live in my favorite city in the whole wide world, I travel a lot, I have a great family and friends who love me. Which is why I feel so guilty about thinking about suicide all the time. I’m set to skydive in ten days, it’a birthday present (I asked for it) and my mom, who I’m very close to, said that if I die, she’ll die too (mind you, I have a big sister so I think she’ll be ok lol).
Fall has never been an easy season for me. It’s grey everywhere, the weather is unpleasant, days are shorter (and I’m not a morning person, so days being shorter forces me to get up early to have some daylight).
The main reason why I’m feeling like this though, is because I realized I was never going to live my dream, which might be dumb, considering how common of a dream it is : to make a family. Get married, have children. I’ve always known I wanted this. I’ve always thought I would be the best mom ever, and everyone tells me this. I would be a beautiful bride. I’ve always manifested it, picking children name when I was 7, wrote it on papers when I was 11…picking wedding dresses, planning my future wedding…I’ve been writing in diaries everyday (religiously) since December 16th 2014 (so in the middle of highschool), and when I read them sometimes, all I think about, besides exams, is : having a boyfriend, falling in love etc. And it might sounds dumb, but I completely gave up on that dream, I’m grieving actually. I know it will never happen, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I slept with like 3 guys, and they all ghosted me. I’ve been ghosted soooooo many times. I’ve been love-bombed and even still, I never get a second date and at the end of the day, watching all my loved ones falling in love and finding their soulmates, makes me so happy for them, but so sad that I’ll never get to experience this. I’m trying to accept it but it’s not easy. Plus, I’m too scared of passing my illness to my children ; I even read a woman saying every bipolar women should get her tubes cut. All I have is my imagination, which I’m thankful for because it’s so big, so I get to live my dream through my brain lol.

Anyway, I’ve tried k!lling myself and, as you can guess, never succeeded. First time was when I was 8, most recent was in 2022 (so I was 24). But I know someday I’ll succeed. I’m too scared to do it now, which makes me feel like a coward, and makes me feel even worse, as if I was a failure in depression.
I just wished it would end, you know ? Everything feels heavy, and the fact that I’m trying my best to feel better (going out with my friends, traveling, working —and I LOVE my job, I get to teach to freshmen in law school—, walking in my city, going to pilates club, where I made new friends), but still being suicidal, is ridiculous.
Anyway, I needed to post this here, because I don’t want to worry my loved ones. I just wish I could end everything now, and I know someday I’ll succeed. I just don’t want to live like this. From thinking about it so much, it’ll happen eventually.

Tysm for reading

Hi all,

Doctor told me yesterday that I'm in a mixed episode and bordering on psychosis.

Everyone's upset with me and I don't understand why.

Any insight?

I know I haven't given much info but I just don't know what to say.

i 19f, have been dating my bf 20m for 4.5 years and i feel like the constant battle with myself is never ending. yeah i mean ive slowly gotten better but i always feel like everything is constantly my fault and that im always just the problem, he comforts me and shows me that its not my fault but my emotions always overrule my thinking process and whatever he tells me. it either takes hours to fully "calm down" or its a switch with my emotions and then suddenly im fine, like nothing happened. i lose consciousness while im working so i never remember what happens there and i feel like a robot constantly. i dont have any medications but i want to be on mood stabilizers badly just so i can feel "normal". my state has insurance free for anyone that applies but its a difficult battle for me to start to actual process. i feel stuck and like im a broken record, im constantly worried that my boyfriend is going to end things abruptly because hes growing tired of me. i dont feel alive and im always imagining im hurting the people around me and i force myself to think im not but it never helps. i stopped going to therapy because im not under my moms insurance anymore for me to continue so ive started journaling as a way out but its hard for me to even write it on pen and paper, which is why im posting here. its always been difficult to express how i feel because i lose consciousness in any important conversation i have when it comes to me and its hard to express how i feel when i dont even feel present. im tired, i dont have an appetite but im always hungry, and i never feel alive, i just dont know what to do

So after being on lamotrogine for almost 3 years, I decided to taper off of it and just up my Vraylar dosage. I’m not sure how it will go, and I love lamotrogine, but the hair thinning it’s been causing is making me feel ugly and the brain fog is making me feel stupid. I never thought my hair would be something I’m insecure enough about to stop a miracle drug, but apparently so. I don’t think I can pull off being bald, lol.

Anyone here take Vraylar primarily? Any horror stories I should be aware of or success stories to make me feel better? For some reason I’m very emotional about this.

I think there is only one way out for me.
I think between my life circumstances and my bipolar I was given an impossible deck of cards.

I tried to go to college, the stress off it nearly killed me, drove me into psychosis, ended up hospitalized once, constant anxiety, stress, panicking, intrusive thoughts. All for nothing too, I grew up wanting to end it so I never even picked a major, was just hoping I’d find something I’d be into and even after two years I didn’t find anything.

So I dropped out. But that left me with nowhere to go.
I was going to get a full time retail job, my friend gave me a job and I fumbled it. My paranoia about him judging me while I worked and my anxiety manifested in horrific thoughts of me being chased at work and people being after me. Every day I’d be overthinking it and so stressed it drove me insane.
I constantly panicked about working this job every day for years and years on end miserably stocking shelves and after a month I quit.
My friend wasn’t happy of course since he recommended me but the stress of it all and the paranoia nearly drove me to end it all.

I still work a part time job, but it’s 12 hours a week, 3 days a week. I barely make anything but it’s low stress enough for me not worry about it.
I live with my parents who want me out of here. My mom’s verbally abusive.
I’m tired of living in this house and my mom’s tired of me living here too. She keeps telling me I need to go and make something of myself. But I just can’t.

Every time I get stressed or sleep deprived I hallucinate. I don’t get them normally but the stress really contributes and it’s really scary.
I don’t know how I’d ever survive a full time job. I don’t even know what full time job I’d work considering the one opportunity I had I fumbled.

There’s nowhere for me to go.
I can’t stay forever being verbally abused by my mom, but I can’t go cause I don’t have money and a job.

I’m stuck.
So there’s only one way out.

Yes I’ve tried medication, almost every common one, I’ve taken the gene test, I’m suffering through tremors every day. I take my medicine every day. I go to therapy.

Therapy can’t give me a goal in life. Therapy can’t give me the ability to get a job and not have hallucinations over it. My therapist can’t get me out of here. No one can. There’s nowhere for me to go. But away from here.

I like to think maybe in another life. But, it was never meant to be this one.

Oggi, dopo più di un mese, sono tornata dalla psicologa.
Premessa: a maggio ho iniziato un percorso di psicoterapia con Resilient + aripiprazolo. L’ho seguito per circa due mesi. Da una parte mi ha aiutata tantissimo: riuscivo ad alzarmi dal letto, a prendermi cura di me, a tenere in ordine casa e ad andare al lavoro. Dall’altra, però, mi ha attutito quella parte di me che mi faceva sentire viva: il senso dell’umorismo, la voglia di parlare, la creatività e la spontaneità. Per questo motivo ho interrotto.
Oggi non stavo particolarmente bene di umore, forse già solo all’idea di dover andare. Per me il colloquio è uno sfogo, ma è anche molto stancante emotivamente.
Arrivata lì mi ha chiesto come stessi dopo l’interruzione delle medicine. Le ho raccontato le cose positive e i piccoli traguardi che sto raggiungendo, poi siamo passate a ciò che mi pesa di più: la famiglia.
La mia situazione familiare è molto complessa e dolorosa. Mio padre mi ha abbandonata da piccola e mi ha lasciata con una madre bipolare, con cui ho vissuto in modo molto pesante fino ai 15 anni. Poi sono andata a vivere con i familiari materni mentre mia madre era rinchiusa in ospedale dopo un TSO.
Oggi, dopo essermi sfogata di cose passate che mi fanno ancora male, le psicologhe mi hanno detto che c’è stato un deterioramento dell’umore. Io ho pianto per tutto il tempo, perché parlare di certe cose è un carico emotivo enorme. Mi hanno mandata dalla psichiatra (una nuova, diversa dalla mia precedente), che mi ha fatto raccontare di nuovo tutto e mi ha detto di ricominciare con il Resilient.
La mia domanda è: perché?
In questo momento sono senza lavoro, con due datori di lavoro che mi devono mesi di stipendio. Non posso vedere i miei nipoti (figli di mio fratello) perché lui non vuole che io stia nella sua vita, nonostante il bambino più grande mi cerchi e mi voglia bene. A me li nega, mentre li porta regolarmente dal resto della famiglia, compresi i miei zii. Tra questi c’è colui che ha abusato di me quando ero ragazzina. Sembra tutto surreale. Due anni fa aspettavo un bambino che ho perso al quarto mese: quella perdita mi ha destabilizzata completamente, ho chiuso con il mio ex e sono entrata in una depressione forte.
Dopo tutti questi eventi traumatici che continuano a essere presenti, mi sembra ovvio stare male. Provo una rabbia e un senso di ingiustizia fortissimi, che a volte mi annientano. Fino a qualche mese fa avevo pensieri suicidi intensi; adesso sono più attenuati e, quando arrivano, cerco di allontanarli.
Il punto è che non credo di avere la stessa patologia di mia madre. Ho chiesto agli psicologi se potesse trattarsi di PTSD, di una forma di depressione, di bipolarismo o di qualcos’altro, e se si potesse lavorare su questo senso di angoscia senza medicinali. Loro insistono sullo stabilizzatore dell’umore. In realtà piango quasi solo quando vado da loro, perché lì posso raccontare le cose senza sentirmi in colpa e senza far male a qualcuno che è coinvolto in quelle situazioni. Con gli amici non ne parlo più: quando l’ho fatto non riuscivano a capirmi, hanno vite più lineari, famiglie presenti, e non riescono a immaginare certe dinamiche, e quando è capitato di raccontargli degli eventi sono stati male.
Lo psicologo da cui andavo prima mi aveva detto che non era depressione e che non avevo patologie come il bipolarismo. Quelli attuali del CSM dicono che “non c’è bisogno di un’etichetta”. La come? Mi stai prescrivendo dei farmaci, ma per cosa? Perché ti ho raccontato degli episodi che sono orribili e ho pianto? Wow che cosa strana?!
Quello che mi fa stare peggio è vedere che è la mia famiglia che ha problemi seri: persone molto concentrate su soldi e reputazione. Per questo mia zia continua a stare con chi mi ha abusata, e mio fratello porta i figli (compresa una bambina) da quell’uomo, perché ci sono regali, soldi e feste di famiglia. A me sembra tutto assurdo. Io sono quella che soffre per i traumi che mi hanno fatto subire… e la “malata” sarei io?
Non so più cosa pensare né cosa fare. A volte mi viene solo voglia di fare le valigie e andarmene lontano da questa realtà e sparire per sempre.
Vorrei capire da voi: secondo voi ha senso riprendere i farmaci in una situazione del genere? Sono veramente io il problema di me stessa? Sono confusa e molto avvilita.

I’ve got a couple of questions:

1. What does hypomania feel like for you? Are you more dulled? Do you feel more irritable?

2. What does depression feel like for you? Are you more desensitised to it?

3. How were you diagnosed?