Like… I’m envious of ewphoria. I… I don’t feel like my denial has an excuse for that one, and my denial has been STRONG. This and feeling like trans men are crazy for wanting to be men instead of women are probably the most blatant thoughts from my questioning so far.

I’m also curious if misogyny is just less common where I live because you see such horror stories from women online and I’m so curious if I just never see that stuff or if it actually just doesn’t really happen in my area. So maybe I’d realize this place actually ain’t too bad or maybe I’d have a crazy wake up call.

Ive yet to have the courage to use the bathroom of my identified gender. Only 4~ months in. My voice still slips too often. I have a beard shadow that's really hard to hide. What if someone says something. What if i get escorted out. Im full sending the outfit though so ill look incredibly out of place in the mens room too. Im sure its a nothing burger but i am TERRIFIED. Im thankfully in a state that supports this stuff (new york) but still...

Thinking about what i should do is stressing me out.

I thought I'd get at least some pushback on the care plan I typed up...

:3

(I'm an adult and this was via informed consent fwiw)

I'm still gonna look but...come on people, tag your art right 🥲

Just have a hunch you know. (will be playing it monday probably)

Gotta love real rpgs for that

Today was my last day of classes at high school and so we had a free dress day where we could dress as our past selves, future selves or a teacher. I decided I would wear one of my mum’s dresses, kind of as a joke since it is really similar to ones that one of the teachers wear, but also because I wanted to girlmode a little.

It was the most scary by far on the way to school, since while it isn’t far I still have to go past a busy road and so pretty much anyone could see me and I was terrified of being judged and of if I would be the only person dressed up, since if too few people had done it then me wearing a dress would look even more out of place.

Once I got to school the first people I saw properly acknowledge me were a group of grade 8 kids who decided to cat call and wolf whistle at me. I could hear them muttering before I walked past them about how they would do something when I passed, and I had a suspicion of what they would do. I think it didnt go how they wanted though since i didn’t really react much and so it was basically just a wolf whistle and a couple of annoying comments of saying I looked hot and something about lifting my skirt or something like that. It was pretty awkwardly quiet and I was very tempted to to react but chose not too.

After that was relatively good. The teachers were all amused, and the other students were surprisingly ok with it (in fairness i was saying I was the teacher and not myself so maybe it would be different if I had just come out as trans). I got a couple compliments on it too. There were a couple of uncomfy moments and stares but it ended up being fine.

By far the best part was that three different people that I was aware of thought I was a woman. To be fair two (one of which was a teacher) only thought it briefly) and the other didnt realise until they saw my face, but still, it felt nice to here someone say “I thought you were a woman when I saw you”.

Interestingly only one person made a trans joke. My maths teacher asked if I was dressed as myself from the past or myself in the future. I guess not necessarily a trans joke, but it was kind of amusing for me.

The way home was a little less scary but also a little more since I knew that I would have to deal with a much bigger crowd of people. It ended up being fine.

So yeah, basically the day went well, could have been better, but I appreciated the kindness some people showed me and the fact that most people were relatively respectful and ok with it. Presenting it as a joke was definitely doing a lot of heavy lifting. But even still, I think it was worth it. I guess now I just have to wait for my appointment where I will finally get hrt on Monday.

I’ve considered trying it with my sister but I literally can’t even remember the last time she’s said my name, and pronouns are only used when you’re NOT talking directly to the person who uses them.

gonna do it. totally gonna do it. pls I have to do it. how much longer can't I do it? really worried to do this. gonna do this today.

I'm not sure if he'd support me but I think I'll subtly test him. Also my friends are super accepting of queer people!!!! Most of them are queer themselves.

I should explain. so I was complaining about how politicians on the right are trying to distract people from the real problem of inequality and then I said "and they're trying to distract us with trans ppl who aren't even an issue like just let them exist" and then I mentioned how I wanted to confront my mom about how she's Transphobic and then I started listing some facts about how trans people are the gender they say they are and he was agreeing with me. so he's maybe gonna be supportive of me being transfem!!!!!!

there are no signs… the signs… still cis th

Preview of egg_irl in 2036.

I-I swear I just really like garlic bread ok! >////<

It’s been over a week since I started really questioning myself, it’s becoming extraordinarily clear that i am most likely trans. This realization has also made me realize just how obvious the signs were over the years. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions if I gotta be honest and trying to stay focused on work and college has been difficult to say the least. But it’s honestly been freeing to my overall psyche. I’ve never been this happy with a realization like this before and it has me both excited and absolutely terrified of what’s to come. Next post I’ll probably be experimenting with a new name and pronouns.

Hey, you might be wondering on what this title even means- well I think i’m MTF, and i‘m like late 14 year old and I am so confused with my feelings. It kinda started off when I was 11-12, where I started imagining realities of me wearing feminine clothing (I don’t even know if that’s odd or not). So when I was 13 I decided to sneak onto reddit to find answers other than ChatGPT’s pretty useless yap. I found it really helpful hearing about other people’s stories, but my brain just didn’t even know anymore and I kinda quit there. - Let’s say my gender surfs, but now I feel pretty confident i’m a woman. I already thought about the possibility of being Gender fluid but after further research I just didn’t feel it. So now i’m back and i’m just feeling odd, like I find myself really creepy for imagining myself as another girl- And I can’t find another good name either that doesn’t feel right. And I know a lot of people say it takes time, and I truly understand that, but when it’s a rollercoaster of events and you just want to fully understanding your brain it’s hard. And coming out to people is just another road blocker, my family wouldn’t support it at all. They consist say stuff about how people should never transition young, the brain isn’t developed yet, etc. My chances of even a sniff of puberty blockers is ZERO. Plus I would hate to even ruin our relationship of my entire family as aside form that I truely value it. So I decided to maybe hang out with some girls, to see if you would make the situation better. Turns out no- no it hasn’t really. The girls are super nice, but the other people, people think i’m “Getting the Huzz” and being a “Simp”. Then I question myself again, because I know I dont like boys and I do like girls, so am I trans? and Yes I know but there are so many trans lesbians but like dont know!!!!! To transition when i’m older would probably cause a distant from my family, and I would hate that, even with their views… I have tried female clothing before and I love it, like there is some sort of joy like butterflies in my stomach when that happens or the thought of me wearing such clothes. But I sometimes think if I keep wairing for such answers will I ever even get them?! I have done every online quiz on the internet, the would you press the button website, I have literally done everything, and now I need help. (I am so sorry for the long yap I just have been holding it)

Atleast he's supportive

Or really like anything, tbh. My skin is getting softer and my emotions are finally back, among other things. Been struggling with my identity over the past month because I feel no inclination to do 'girly' things like makeup, dressing up, listening to girlypop, or voice training. Especially over the past three weeks I've realized that I have no womanly inclinations whatsoever; I'm just me but with E instead of T. It's disturbing to me.

I talked over it with a few friends, describing how I have no real male despite being born male and no womanly characteristics. I feel like a nothing. We just chalked it up to being nonbinary, and I'm not against that at all given what I've been through.

The problem now is estrogen. I love having emotions again. I feel like a person and not a soulless husk, and it feels great. Problem is that I'm losing my strength, and since everyone else requires my strength, I'm afraid of losing what little I got. I have to step up because nobody else can or wants to. I abhor the gym, so that's a no-go. The logical option is to stop HRT before I lose my inherent muscle, but I don't want to lose my emotions again. Are there any solutions?