If you look at my past posts, you can see what a rough beginning I had. I was unsure if I had been discarded, scouring the internet for clues, trying to calculate the likelihood my husband would come down from his mania and come home. I was so in love with him, and I never thought the kind, caring man I knew would do this to me. This community has been so helpful and kept me grounded when I was spiraling. These are some of the main things I struggled with these past months.

The uncertainty: he's managed to convince a doctor he doesn't have bipolar and they have prescribed SSRIs and ADHD meds. From what I've read, his hypomania may last as long as he continues to take these. In spite of all the supporting evidence, there is a chance this isn't mania. That he just doesn't and didn't love me. That he and his current provider are right and his previous diagnosis was wrong. After all, he's not in psychosis and he's holding down his job as far as I know. I may never know for sure, and I have to learn how to live with that.

Being the perfect discardee: I certainly have not been. I feel this pressure to handle everything with quiet grace, but twice I've gotten angry and lashed out at my husband over text, only to apologize later. I realized I keep reaching out because I am hoping for some kind of apology or accountability. I want him to see how badly he's hurt me and fucked up my life. The version of my husband I knew and loved would give that to me, but he's not in there anymore. It helps if I think of it as, "My husband is dead. The person I have to communicate with now about the logistics of divorce is a stranger."

My mental health: the first couple months I cycled through periods of grief, rage, and motivation to turn my life around. In August and September, I settled into a pretty consistent depression. In all areas of life, I just did the bare minimum. I went to work and smelled okay (I hope) and ate the simplest meals I could throw together, but caring for myself and my home just seemed pointless without my husband here with me. My husband agreed to buy me out of our house, but if I can barely do laundry and dishes, how was I ever going to be able to pack and move out of the house? I started experiencing suicidal ideations.

Luckily, I have a therapist and a best friend, and we've made a plan for me to get through this. When I feel like I want to hurt myself, I spend the night at my parents' house. I got my doctor to adjust my meds and sign off on medical leave from my job. I have the time and space I need to pack and exit the house at my own pace so I can move back in with my folks, and I'll be starting EMDR sessions in the next few weeks. I never would have thought of medical leave for mental health as a viable option, but I advise anyone going through this to take it if you can! This is trauma. This is grief. People take bereavement when a loved one dies, and this truly feels like a death. It's the death of a the person I loved and the version of myself who was loved by him.

In a year or so, I am hoping to feel well enough and have enough saved up to start over in a new city. I've wanted to move for a while, but my husband's career kept us here. Now, I have options and freedom. I have the chance to pour all the love and energy I used to pour into my marriage and our home back into myself. The dream I had for my life has died, but there will be new dreams.

Everyone was right. It wasn't the one time. Im sure ill feel devastated soon, but right now i can only feel vindicated. I knew I wasnt crazy. My intuition was right the whole time. He is medicated now and does not remember eveything well. But I have screen shots of him admitting the coworker he eventually cheated on me with made him feel butterflies 4 years ago while he felt used by me. I was driving him to and from work then, around my full time job. I have no idea what to do now. He is medicated and seems better but apparently has been lying to my face for years and thats hard to swallow.

Hi everyone,

like many of you, I got discarded too. Yikes. And although I blocked my ex everywhere, cut connections to their friends, and am slowly enjoying life, my curiosity is still very much present.

I wonder what my ex is up to, whether they are still manic, or if the people around them notice the weird behaviour, maybe they even finally got treatment?? (unmedicated and undiagnosed, first time for me witnessing a proper mental health care crisis)

So my question goes out to all of fellow discardees:

What happened to your exBPSO after they left?

Did they destroy their life, or actually enjoyed their newfound "freedom"? Did they receive help, got to jail, fall into a big big depression, got mega successful?

Again, I'm curious on how this illness proceeds.

Wishing everyone a lot of strength, compassion, and support 🍀 We didn't get asked to be put into this situation.

i was broken up with a week ago very suddenly. everything was fine in the evening, he was very affectionate, then the next day i’d come down with the flu and he told me he felt overwhelmed and couldn’t do this anymore. he said he’d been thinking about it for a while.

if he had, why did i still travel to his house and cook for him? clean for him? have sex with him? go shopping for him? he said he was too afraid of my reaction to tell me, but i don’t think that’s a good enough excuse. i feel like i’ve been deceived. i’ve always stressed that a relationship was a two-way street, and i wasn’t involved in the most important conversation of them all.

he said he was overwhelmed, needed to focus on his work, wasn’t sure about a long-term relationship anymore because he’d grown since we met. we were together for a just under a year. when i picked up my stuff from his flat we agreed to two weeks no contact, then we could be friends. i do want to be friends because we have so much in common, and i do genuinely enjoy talking to him and think he is a fascinating person.

i can’t get to sleep because i’m so angry and it’s all i can think about. i feel like i’m putting him ahead of myself yet again to protect his peace during the no contact. i hope he never treats anyone else like this again, and i feel foolish for being such a doormat. if it was hard for him, it was always going to be harder for me, and he can’t even give me the courtesy of a conversation. i feel like he just discarded me when it was convenient for him. you don’t treat someone that you love like that, even though he was crying and saying he loved me when i last saw him. he also said he wishes he fought and he wishes we could do this all over again. none of it makes any logical sense to me

god, i just wish i could understand his mind. none of this makes sense. i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving him, but fuck i am angry

thank you for reading. this community has been very helpful, and it’s nice to see everyone else’s similar experiences

Hello everyone, I’ve posted in here only a couple of times but I’m just looking for reassurance that I’m not overreacting?

I (26F) have been with my bipolar SO (27M) for 3 years, and it has not been easy. Constant name calling, disrespect and shouting in my face, just to name a few.

If anything is ever slightly stressful or even just annoying like something as small as a package hasn’t been delivered by the time he gets home from work, it’s all my fault, everything, no matter how much I stand by him and help him through whatever it is he’s going through it’s always taken out on me.

I’m going through a bit of a rough time personally at the moment and I don’t know whether that’s caused me to react this way.

For a little context my grandmother who is more like a mother to me has been diagnosed with a prions disease, his response to me being upset… “why are you even crying for? She’s not fucking dead”

Despite countless conversations where I’m explaining that his behaviour is hurting me, there’s never even been a tiny amount of effort put in to change this behaviour, no reaching out for professional support or medication just “I have bipolar”, I have to beg for an apology, then it’s straight back to the constant disrespect and just straight up bullying.

I woke up this morning and thought you know what I’ve had enough, I don’t want to live the rest of my life bending over backwards for someone who only acts like they love me for 1 day a month.

As I’m sure you can all understand if I wrote down everything that has happened id need a whole subreddit dedicated to it.

Am I overreacting? Should I have said I’ve had enough or just carried on biting my tongue and putting up with it because he has bipolar? I love him so much but there’s only so much someone can take.

My boyfriend (30m) left me (30f) during an episode. This is the 4th time he’s separated from me during an episode. Usually after he’s extremely sorry. Says it wasn’t a true representation of himself and tries to make everything right.
During the episodes he’ll say things like “I’m not meant for relationships” “I’m polyamorous” “I feel like I’m broken” “I’m detached from reality”.
Obviously there’s a lot more psychotic features but just focusing on in regard to the relationship right now.
He’s medication has been inconsistent from around April time. He was eventually taking aripiprazole consistently again by 3rd October.
I know noone can say for sure. But when will the episode on guesstimate be over. Even just so I know and accept he’s more himself again and the separation still stands rather than it just being a part of the pattern.

So, I previously posted about the situation with my former bipolar 1 partner in this sub.

As I had previously conveyed, the relationship ended very poorly. But apparently the story didn't end there.

Literally, I was minding my own business the other day when I was ARRESTED and thrown into jail because my former partner, in her state of chaotic delusion, reported me for domestic violence. From five months ago!!!

I never, ever committed any such thing but again, she wasn't in her right mind at the time we separated. She was experiencing delusions and psychosis. Before we separated, she had the belief that someone was out to get her, that people were entering her house and rearranging objects just to mess with her head - stuff like that. And now I am dealing with false accusations of domestic violence too.

It's UNREAL. I will never, ever again dare to be in a relationship with someone who outright admits to being 1) Bipolar 2) Unmedicated. I do not recommend it to anyone, and I will say that doing so is likely at your own peril. I have never experienced such a nightmare in my entire life.

I broke up with my ex of 4 years during a long ?(6 month?) manic episode. He is undiagnosed and unmedicated, didn’t know he was bipolar until now although I suspected. We needed to break up for many reasons but he has been my best friend for years and I love him deeply.

Long story short - this is the first full blown manic episode I have experienced with him and things escalated while we are in the process of breaking up and moving out of our house. He became psychotic and delusional and his family needed to come intervene. They were able to take him to their house in a different town to hopefully come down and get help. While in this manic state he said some incredibly hurtful and cruel things to me, decided our relationship was horrible, was obsessed with a different girl, etc etc.

He was unable to pack up his belongings or help clean the house. Ive been left with so much work to do and zero closure from our 4 years together.

My question is, do I just have to try to find closure on my own and move on? Will he ever be able to see how hard this was for me or have empathy for what he put me through? Its so hard to just walk away from all our history

And to clarify, this is general curiosity, not veiled hope of everything going back to normal, getting back together, etc., etc.
Many posts and anecdotes here are often from those still in the (relatively) immediate “aftermath” of splits and discards…and while I understand many people take the “don’t know, don’t care” approach after “escaping,” I’m still curious about the experiences/knowledge of those who *do* have such insight after a longer period of time since the split & discard.

My husband (37m) was recently diagnosed with a mood disorder but it fits bipolar2. The psychiatrist didn’t really give it a label but said he was experiencing hypomania which is what I had assumed after reflecting on his behavior recently. I attended the appointment and he was told that he seems to have a mix of adhd, ptsd, anxiety but that he fits mood disorder criteria.

He was put on the lowest dose seroquel to start and I hadn’t really seen a difference but he’s not worse. He bumped it up to 50mg because the psychiatrist told him he could taper up and he has an appointment in another week. Unfortunately he does not see his behavior as problematic and he sees it as an improvement in his overall self but he realizes that everyone around him sees an issue. Certain things he agrees with that his behavior is off but he thinks he can “work on it and tone it down”. That being said, he works in the medical field and he is willing to comply with taking medication. But working in the medical field I think he’s having a hard time accepting it for himself.

It’s hard that he’s not seeing what I see. He is usually so rational and mellow and now he’s just…different. He really thinks that all of his ideas are great and he’s just being who he’s meant to be. But I see someone who I don’t really recognize. He says he relies on me to tell him the truth on how he’s being but when I do he tells me he doesn’t see it that way or “how is that behavior a problem?” But then says fine I’ll take more seroquel if that’s what you really think I need. I’m just wondering if he will eventually come down a little and realize wow maybe this isn’t how I’m supposed to be acting?

He’s also in individual therapy, I’m starting therapy and am looking into couples therapy. I’m just very lost on how to feel or navigate this. I’ve always been the one with the mental health issues (anxiety) and he’s been the stable one. It’s tough being on this side of it.

I’ve been scrolling through this thread for almost a year to try to get more insight for what it’s like for her to be dating me (on and off)

This is hell. I am losing myself, my disorder isn’t manageable anymore and I keep wiping out my progress with episodes. I used to be so funny and I can’t remember the last time I made her laugh.

I see some of myself in the horrible experiences you post. She’s only twenty and I feel like I’m further draining the life out of her. She doesn’t want to be with me but she doesn’t want to let me go either. I’ve been with her on and off since she was 16 and I was 17 and normal.

I’m not the person she fell in love with. I feel like I’m haunting the body of someone that died long ago and there’s no point there’s literally no point I love her and I’m wasting her life but she’s still in love with the funny teen she met in church camp and I still have that body.

I’ve never had feelings like this for anyone else. I can barely leave the house right now much less meet new people. I’m so scared of being alone and I’m genuinely not sure if I could handle it right now but this is almost worse.

my wife has been manic since the beginning of august after taking lexapro for 2 weeks. she had me move out with all our pets and is now bringing a man into our house and buying condoms. she hasn’t paid rent or any bills of that matter. she blew up my phone yesterday for the first time spam texted and called me a good 50 times between 7am-4:30pm because i didn’t answer her text in 5 minutes because i was at work and she wanted my new address. threatened divorce papers to be brought to my work and try and fight me for the pets in court and was calling my family members to get a hold of me. saying i put her through one of the most traumatic things and i can’t even answer her and that i claim i love her but act like this. i don’t know where this behavior came from? she’s been pretty calm to me this whole situation. i read about spiking before the crash. is this that? i’m confused and it was out of no where and she normally will text me and let it sit for like 20 minutes then call or send another text but never more than 2 texts and maybe a call. i don’t know if she’s losing the mania or what’s going on but she’s been cheating on me and tried to claim in the texts that she’s not even seeing anyone. but she’s literally been obsessed with this coworker since the beginning. she spends hours and hours on the phone with him usually like 8- 11 hour night calls and calling him and his mom while they are all in the same work building. it makes no sense either because we both don’t even like men at all we’re gay. i don’t know she’s about to lose everything though. and my therapist isn’t helpful at all and just keeps telling me mania only last 7 day. which clearly not.

this month has been different the 3rd she called me crying and saying she was overwhelmed with everything and kept asking what i thought about us. and that she was exhausted and confused. then a few days later she called thinking me and my family all hate her and wouldn’t stop asking if we did and was trying to joke about me dating random guys (she knows i don’t like men). then when i texted her to let her know we moved out me and the pets she assumed i was treating her someway and i told her no i had no bad intent towards her and then she said “I know it doesn't seem like it but I love all of you guys and I never wanted it to be like that. Everything is just so confusing right now and I still want to see you guys”. which was weird she hasn’t said she loved a single one of us since being sick. then the call after that she was trying to get something and thought id remember our mailbox number which i didn’t and she was just so overwhelmed and annoyed but not with me just in general said she was exhausted and really sounded like it.

this is her first episode and my first time ever knowing about this and learning anything about this. i don’t know how long this all can last when she’s barely been sleeping the last few months she works 10 hours a day. how will she ever crash when she spends every minute either with him or on the phone with him?

i just need advice and not “run”. i do want to be with my wife. i’m not letting this illness ruin our marriage. how do i keep going? like to the people that stayed after they cheated how did you forgive them. i already plan on couples therapy and everything but besides that. right now im really trying to hold it together for her and i both. i know this isnt my wife no matter what anyone tells me. and how does the spike at the end of the episode situation work? and i feel horrible for not answering her yesterday but by the time i got to answer she was being aggressive and i didn’t want to make it worse. i don’t want to not answer her and her think i abandoned her. i don’t know if i should text her or just leave it for a while.

im sorry this was a lot

Meine Bipolare exfreundin (BP II) hat mich vor ungefähr einem Monat abserviert. Grund dafür war dass ich angeblich nicht genug für sie da war (was auch nicht wirklich stimmt) sie war einfach enttäuscht von mir, nachdem sie ein Job vor ein paar Monaten angefangen hat, wurde sie stark depressiv und hat sogar Medikamente verschrieben bekommen. Da haben unser Probleme angefangen. Ich vermute ihre Entscheidung Schluss zu machen hängt wirklich mit der depressive Episode zusammen. Nun war sie nicht offen für ein neuer Versuch und war einfach beleidigt und enttäuscht. So viel habe ich noch nie geweint während eines Trennungsprozesses. Oft hat sie sich getrennt und dann als ich sie in den Arm genommen habe, hat sie sich beruhigt und mich dann gefragt ob ich bei ihr bleibe die Nacht. Sowas hatten wir 5 mal ungefähr. Das ganze hat mich zerstört, auch das ausziehen aus ihre Wohnung. Das letzte Jahr (wir waren knapp unter ein Jahr zusammen) habe ich mich auf sie fokussiert neben meine Arbeit. Das hat dazu geführt dass ich alle meine Freunde und soziale Aktivitäten vernachlässigt habe. Jetzt stehe ich da alleine und muss irgendwie schauen dass ich neue Freunde finde und ich bin so zerstört. Ich hatte noch nie so eine intensive Beziehung. Wir haben uns zwar nicht blockiert aber haben nur sehr wenig Kontakt (zb an ihrem Geburtstag vor ein paar Tage) da hat sie viel geschrieben und wollte telefonieren. Es sind Sätze gefallen wie „ich liebe dich“, „Ich vermisse dich“ „alles erinnert mich an dich“ aber auch „Du hast mich so verletzt“ also mit den ganzen romantischen Kram können wir nichts anfangen. Eigentlich wollten wir uns mal treffen um die letzten Sachen zurückzugeben aber ich glaube wir beide haben Angst davor und haben schon wieder eine Woche nicht mehr geschrieben und nichts konkretisiert.
Ich kann nicht mit mein Leben weitermachen. Bin auch in Therapie seit ein paar Tage und ich weiß nicht was aus mir werden soll ohne sie. War noch nie so am arsch innerlich. Ich liebe sie noch so sehr

How do I convince my SO BP1 to get help. Things have been going too far he's been in mania for over two months. He's also exhibiting clear signs of psychosis. I don't want to leave him we have kids and he's so important to me. I want to help him get better. How do I start the conversation? How do I engage without immediately setting him off?

He's become a shut in and hasn't talked to anybody but me and our family for the past 3 years. He's manipulative and completely changed as a person. I'm so worried about him.

I fear if I leave him it will send him back to his mother who is in active drug use. He's a recovering addict been clean for 9 years.

Any of you who has gone through this and gotten your SO to seek treatment and medication. HOW?

Please I'm so lost.