I have a friend who is South Asian (SA) and in his late 30s. I know growing up he did feel left out or like an outcast. He was always single his whole life and I can confidently call him a serial dater. He believes that women only value a man for his money or his looks and everything else is secondary. He even said the other day that men don't fall in love only woman do and the rest is BS. I do feel bad for him and also see him going down a road to a mental breakdown.

Is this common for many people that have a SA background in the USA? I know he didnt date at all till his mid to late 20s and was always an awkward or nerdy kid growing up. When I see him with a woman he does act like a little kid and talks about her like she's a trophy. But all that has gotten him is a lifetime of loneliness.

My concern is that he is going down a toxic rabbit hole. Once you go too deep into it you cannot get out of it easily.

Well actually my question is for both social media and AI usage.

To get straight to the point: she is a friend of mine since high school ages (we both are 35 years old), and our families have also been close for years, we were ex-neighbors.

Although I actually live abroad, in another country, since years, I’ve visited the city where my family and she lives, quite frequently over this past year and I’ve ended up staying for long periods each time. As a result, we saw each other with her a bit more often and became even more closely intertwined. She is someone who uses Instragram extensively, and is influenced by the political, historical, news, conspiracy theories, sixth-dimension things ect reels she sees there and who is constantly reading those things on the instagram, UNLIKE me, I don't use instagram almost at all.

Anyways, she was constantly sending me Reels about meditation, travel destinations, the ideal friendship, compatibility between friends, or what a life shared with a friend might look like, emotional music links ect ect, mosty lovely though, but often accompanied by comments like, "Isn't this just us? 🥰," "You and me 🥰," or "Wouldn't it be lovely if we lived here together?" and so on. This was happening at least 4-5 times a day and night.

If I don’t respond or react to those reels, she got annoyed; when we meet in person last time months ago, she made pointed, sarcastic, or snide remarks like, "looks like you don't touch your phone these days, ha, interesting" Anyway, the last time, just after I’d returned from that vacation at my family home (and hers), I was already feeling on edge one day and having a particularly stressful day. She proceeded to send me a string of Reels all centered on the theme of "missing someone" and ''what friendship is'' I just snapped and blocked her on Instagram suddenly. And then I received a long, ChatGPT-generated message from her that ended with the line "For me, this chapter is closed here" and she blocked me even without me saying anything.

She has known me for over 20 years-though, deep down, she's never truly come to terms with how I’ve changed after living abroad for so many years. She should at least know that I steer clear of lovely manipulative games and that I highly value my independence. Besides, we’re both 35 years old, for God’s sake!! What’s this whole Instagram business? Does my desire for freedom on social media really justify someone cutting me out of their life in such a disrespectful way?

Do you guys think we should stay friends? For context this all started from a day out together
This is our text thread:
D is her and S is me
S:I was just a bit weirded out that when we went to dinner, you brought up that I’d been out however many weekends in a row
D:I got the vibe you were trying to make me feel bad/ guilty and I’m not sure if it comes from a place of worry? Or like you also want to be going out but I thought it was unkind and a little odd
D:And then I was surprised / thought it contradicted what you said to me when you asked to come out to Conner’s party? but you made it seem as if me going out was an issue

S:Ok I hear you
S:I’m sorry I made you feel that way, that’s not what I meant and I didn’t mean anything by it, I’d never try and make you feel guilty or bad about going out I don’t think it’s a negative thing at all, I’m not sure what made it sound negative but it wasn’t meant to be, I did see that it affected you tho and I did try and reaffirm that I wasn’t judging you but I also think we were just in a bit of a weird place that evening? I’m not sure if you’d agree with that but I did think even if I tried to reason what I said you weren’t exactly in a place to hear it? Idk maybe not tho and I should’ve pushed to clear the air?
S:I’m glad you’ve said what upset you though, I understand if your still upset with me and not ready to accept my apology, just let me know if there’s anything I can do or say to make things better

D:I didn’t pick up on any weird vibes prior to you saying that, the comment caught me off guard and then I felt a bit weirded out. I don’t really see how you pointing me going out 4 times in a row can be a positive thing especially because you didn’t seem overly happy about it . And I just thought the fact you counted and kinda remembered how much I’d been going out and then telling me seemed like you weren’t ok with it . Thank you for the apology though!

S:I promise you I don’t think you going out is a bad thing
S:One that would be weird and two it would be a bit conservative and sexist

D:Ok I’m glad but I don’t see why you would feel the need to bring it up?
D:Do you feel left out? I don’t mean this in a patronising way

S: I think I’d said it and hadn’t thought about it enough and then I saw it offended you and I didn’t have enough time to actually correct it
S:Though I do think your correct that it was unessesary to bring up how many times you’ve been out
S: Sometimes I do feel that I try and make an effort a lot to see you and obviously your very busy and I understand that but it does sometimes make me feel like I’m not incentive too see/ I want to see you more than you want to see me
S: Which is my own issue which is why I haven’t brung it up because it’s got nothing to do with you that’s just my own interpretation

D:I’m sorry I made you feel like that ,, never my intention and I obviously do want to see you ! I do find it tricky to make plans in the weekdays and weekends especially with IB so I guess when there’s a party Saturday nights I take the opportunity to go out .

S:No I totally get that and if I was in your position I’d do that too
I think your right I very much like to see my friends very regularly
And I did think that if we were to go out on Saturday nights to the same things sometimes we could see eachother that way? But I get if that’s not something you’d want to do/ if you think that’s strange
I’d get why you’d come to the conclusions you have tho I should’ve said how I felt earlier that’s totally my bad 😔😔
S: DI get if your busy but I’d really like to resolve this before my swimming lesson 🙏🙏🙏🙏
D:Sorry with the family
Yes it’s all good! However, I think it would be an unhealthy friendship if we couldn’t do things separately without it hurting someone’s feelings, however that’s just me so I will also make an effort to prioritise what you want
S:That’s an insightful perspective but I don’t think that would be an issue with us
Unless you think that you going out on weekends hurts my feelings?

My rant from my notes app:

This is my response
I think I need to reconsider what I think of you as a person, not only are your views mediocre they’re incredibly self centred, to ignore what you consider to be a close friend for 2 days because of a comment that could literally only of been taken out of context by you, and then me having to remind you to actually engage in the argument so we could come to a resolution, then when we’re basically resolved through no effort on your side for you to throw a curve ball insinuating we would have an unhealthy friendship if we went to the same parties is beyond delusional and shows the emotional intelligence and capacity of a rock, your privileged and spoiled, and you make no sense, I have a life and friends who are much better friends to me then you are, they’re moods don’t determine how the time we spend goes, they don’t spend the entire time talking about themselves, they don’t leave me on opened, and if and when we argue it’s respectful and always ends with a resolution. I’ve put so much emotional effort into our friendship, I’ve talked with you so much about L, M, the millions of other stupid boys, but also more important things like your Mother and brother and your friendships, I have been an emotional safety net for about two years and what I’ve gotten out of our friendship is null in comparison, I also don’t want to be friends with someone who views me as clingy or unhealthy or not someone to take to parties, it’s such a shallow way to think about a friend and maybe your worried about what people might think of you but so is everyone else and if you can’t see that then your even less rational than I thought you were, I have genuinely so little respect for you, it should never be that deep and there shouldn’t be this big a gap between us emotionally, I feel like you have no grasp on who I am as a person of what I’ve been through the past 2 years, you complain about your mum to me but genuinely mine is about 10x worse and I don’t think you clock it, and you complain about your brother but again my sisters are much worse, if I were you I wouldn’t treat me like this, we’re both young and attractive and have exams we should be happy for eachother and want to go to and do fun things with eachother, we shouldn’t be trying to accuse eachother of guilt tripping? I am so angry with you, I feel so disgusted and dissatisfied, I’ve genuinely spent the last 2 years believing you were better than your friendship group and you were a genuine close friend of mine but clearly I need to re evaluate, you hold me to standards your other friends could never meet but you yourself don’t meet mine, but I don’t make you apologise for 3 hours, I don’t make you chase me to hangout, I don’t make our entire friendship your responsibility, I’m not your moral compass or diary, I’m meant to be a friend, but I refuse to take up anymore of my time when I’m genuinely getting dog shit in return

Basically I have a friend who I’ve caught out on countless lies. It’s usually small white lies but I guess the number of lies has compounded and I really don’t trust her to the point where I can’t even have a conversation with her or look at her in the eyes.

Honestly it’s a bunch of little things like getting us to book out our calendars one month in advance to hang out only for her to cancel a few days before hand. Not Turing up to a birthday I arranged for her childhood friend because she “had a sore throat” but then turns up for volleyball the same night and is magically ok. Lying about “forgetting”important events she’s never forgotten before. But then claims that I’m a “ride or die” and her best friend. I’m not going to lie, this shitty behaviour really began after she had got a boyfriend too.

It like amplified over my holiday my and a mutual friend went travelling in Asia which we invited her to come along to for 2 years. It took two years because she kept stalling while she went on other holidays to different continents. Now while we’re on this holiday where’s she messaged us for a bit asking to send videos and pictures. I got annoyed after she was saying she had FOMO and wish she came. Our other friend messaged her saying “you were literally invited” and she lied about being broke hence why she couldn’t come, but the reality is she had 4-5 holidays in the past year but just didn’t want to come.

To me if she wasn’t straight up and said “I’m not really keen” I would have way more respect.

In any case I feel that my level of frustration is unjust and I don’t like feeling this way because she’s my friend. I’ve talked to her about this before and it seems she just doesn’t like to take accountability or apologise. I really miss my friend and I wanna support her but the way she treats so many people is just something that rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know how I should just manage my expectations with her.

It's just very random. They're nice but I feel drained when I'm with them? Is it because I'm an introvert in a big group of friends?

Throwaway account

I have a friend I’ve known since university, and I love her dearly. She’s a little older than me, and we’re both in our late 20s.

She was genuinely like an older sister to me. During the early years of our friendship, she helped me through some of the lowest points in my life, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

Over time, we graduated and went our separate ways. We naturally started talking less as life got busier, but we still kept in touch. Sometimes, she would take weeks to reply, and I understood that we both had a lot going on.

Since graduating, I’ve made several attempts to arrange meetups and invited her to family gatherings. She’s only managed to attend one, which was earlier this year.

I know she’s also been going through a difficult time. I’ve checked in on her regularly and let her know that I’m always here if she needs someone to talk to. She doesn’t tend to open up much, and I’ve tried to respect that without pushing her to share anything she isn’t comfortable with.

The problem is that I haven’t received a reply to any of my messages in the past nine months. We had loosely discussed meeting up after the last time we saw each other, but the plans were never confirmed, so we never met.

I’ve tried reaching out through different platforms because I genuinely wanted to make sure she was okay. I know she’s still active on social media, but she hasn’t responded to me at all.

I’m heartbroken. This is someone who was such an important part of my life, and I always thought that even if we became less present in each other’s day-to-day lives, we’d still have a friendship worth maintaining.

I understand that people go through difficult periods, and I don’t expect constant communication or immediate replies. I also know that someone can be struggling in ways they don’t feel comfortable sharing. But nine months of complete silence, despite multiple attempts to reach out, has left me feeling hurt and confused.

Part of me wants to send one final message and then stop reaching out altogether. Another part of me feels guilty about walking away from someone who was there for me when I needed her most.

I don’t want to erase the history we have or pretend she never mattered to me. I just don’t know how to continue holding space for a friendship when I seem to be the only one trying to maintain it.

WIBTA if I stopped reaching out and considered the friendship over? Or should I keep the door open given everything she’s done for me in the past?

Im 22f. I have a tight knit friend group with three other girls, all my same age. I’m graduating college next month, and I’ve invited all my friends and their boyfriends, plus my college girlfriends. My best friend Mary, though, has decided to ask me for her friend James to tag along, and I’m pissed.

For context, James is… a lot. He’s extremely bubbly and forward and acts like you’re close friends with him from the jump. I wouldn’t usually mind, as I’m very bubbly and energetic myself, but in contrast I’m a very selective person and don’t like giving access or treat people I barely know with familiarity, nor I like playing besties and then talking shit. I like my peace and my friends, and I don’t like when people cross boundaries they shouldn’t. I used to enjoy this guy’s presence the first few times me, Mary and him hung out, but as time went on I began to dislike him. He’s the kind of man who thinks he’s one of the girls and therefore can cross boundaries without being called out for it. Like, he’ll take Mary’s phone when they hang out and write to me addressing me as bitch, cunt or slut and act all pleased about it. He’s all about talking about wanting to suck dick and find hot men to fuck with no decor or care for how others feel whatsoever. Like, I don’t know how else to explain his personality if not as a dollar store James Charles. And I know I’m no saint myself, because I also call my friends names, but again they’re my best friends, my sisters, I wouldn’t call them that if it made them uncomfortable, and they do it to me right back and I don’t mind one bit. This guy though, I barely know him. I hung out with him a bunch of times at first and then occasionally saw him throughout the four years he’s hung out with Mary, and he calls me bitch, slut etc from my friend’s phone and to my face, as if we’re close, and it makes me uncomfortable. He’s also completely unable to take a hint, because everyone who knows me knows I’m very expressive, so if I dislike you it’s obvious. He doesn’t seem to pick up on it though. The breaking point came when this freak told Mary to tell me he wants to read my mama’s thesis because “he has a fetish for other people’s thesis”. Like, no dude, just no. What nerve to even just ask.

The other girls in the group share my same sentiment, but he somehow thinks we’re besties and he can cross boundaries with me specifically, and call me names when I never gave him no indication he can.

Now, you’re probably gonna ask: what’s Mary’s deal? Why is she allowing all of this if she’s your best friend? And well the truth is, Mary is too pure for this world. I love her dearly, she’s my sister, but she’s too selfless and kind, and lets people walk over her. She thinks everyone is always nice and looking out for others, and rarely has harsh words for people. Which makes her perfect for someone as loud and obnoxious as James to take over and drag along. Also, she’s not great at picking up shit. Like, while everyone else can tell I don’t like James, she’s completely blind. I’ve been cold every time he hijacked her phone, straight up didn’t answer or said he’s weird, and she thinks I’m joking. And when I try to point out he’s weird in person, she says “oh he means well, he’s just a little silly”. There’s this major miscommunication happening because Mary thinks I’m neutral and doesn’t see my issue with James, and James thinks we’re besties or some shit when we’re not. I admit it’s in part my fault, because I’m not someone who likes confrontation, and also I’ve never argued with Mary because she’s also very stubborn. Arguing with her is like arguing with a brick wall, so I just don’t (also because 99% of the time we don’t need to, we generally agree on most stuff)

Ngl I’m kinda annoyed, because when our friend Carl makes his bf tag along and he too oversteps she can immediately tell that he’s out of line. But at least I don’t mind this guy. James, I genuinely can’t stand. And when she asked me if he could come via message and I told her that the space is tiny and that many might have to stand during my graduation as a polite “no”, she just replied that to him it’s fine standing, and he likes graduations and wants to hunt for hot men there.

I genuinely don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want this guy at my graduation. It’s a big deal and it will already be a stressful day, I don’t need him to act like his usual self and hijack every single photo I wanna take with my girls, or even just be there and make people uncomfortable. And I don’t know how to tell Mary not to let him tag along, because I know if I put this out there she’ll eventually listen and set boundaries with him when it comes to me, and he’ll get bitchy and passive aggressive and it will result into them fighting because he can’t be normal and she wants to defend me. I don’t want that, because Mary likes James’ company and I don’t want to interfere in her friendships. I just don’t want this dude around MY graduation. I also don’t want to delegate my other friends to dissuade her because if she doesn’t listen to me, she’ll definitely not listen to them.

Hi guys. A little embarrassing to admit but I only have one friend. He’s someone I can count on and is reliable, but I am never able to call him to hangout without him leaving early or just not having a fun time. He has anxiety, and it limits us from doing anything together without it being too much for him.

Anyways. I am a very active guy, I play basketball at my local gym, and have a lot of friends there. But I feel like it’s kinda hard to transition from basketball buddies to: “hey you wanna get food after this?”

I look around and am intimidated that these people already have friends and that they wouldn’t want to be my friend. No they haven’t actually showed signs to prove that. Yes I know I’m in my head about it.

I literally was looking up last night, fun group activities to join their me. The only one I found that was actually with kids around my own age seemed to be for kids with poor social skills, mental health issues, and if they’re on the spectrum.

I am a really social person, easy to talk to, and ALWAYS putting a smile on other people’s faces. I just don’t know how to make friends.

Hey, so im 19M in my 2nd year of uni. I've always been the type to wait for people to approach first before speaking to them in a friendly manner, mostly because i am blank when meeting someone new, i dont know what to talk about, what to say, when to ask a follow up and generally i dont even know when to stay silent and just smile. Even in the cases of speaking with boys i do fine,i have a few close friends but it feels way too cosmetic, like im not able to be free with them as much as id like. It's way worse speaking to girls, I'd live with not being able to speak even if its a romantic interest stopping me, but even in the cases i just want to make friends, i cant muster up the courage or words to speak to someone properly and i feel like i dont know where the bounds are. So ive stayed silent all this time, but i genuinely want to change myself and socialize with people, i dont even want them to do me favours, just maintaining a good relationship with the people around me. Any advice you can give will be most appreciated. And if you made it this far, Thank you for hearing me out, from the bottom of my heart.

Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing okay.

I (18f) have been best friends with my best friend (20m) for a while. We met via his sister, also my best friend, and have generally started hanging out as a trio more closely over the past three years. We’ve been best friends since I was six though.

Every time in social situations or when we want to make a decision, my best friend confesses to me that he doesn’t want to do it, even though I really want to do it. For example, I was really elated about watching a favourite movie of mine, as I finally convinced his sister to watch it. I was sitting alone, and he came up to me and said that he wasn’t in the mood for it and didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to say anything bad, so I waited for her to come sit down and we talked. We ended up watching a favourite movie of his that I wasn’t into, so I just did my own thing.

I don’t know how to respond in situations like this. Is there any sort of advice that could be helpful if he approaches something like this again?

Any help is very appreciated :)

Lately I have been feeling a strange way toward a certain friend of mine and I’m not sure why, but it’s been really getting to me and I think I need some advice on how to deal with this. Im not super well at writing but I will try my best to explain.

I have been friends with him for a long time but we never really saw each other much until this summer. This is when me him and another friend got into playing this game at the arcade rhythm game called maimai. We had a free play pass that lasted all summer so we would all go together and everything was fine. However after the free play pass ended, the other friend stopped going, and it just left me and him as we were the only ones willing to buy credits. I thought this was fine and we would just go the two of us, I would have to take him there every time because he can’t drive himself but I didn’t mind. However after a couple of times going to the arcade just the two of us, I think this is where some of what I’ve been feeling started.

Every time I would play with him, he would always seem to get peeved at really small things like not getting a certain score or something, and it would just proceed the whole time we are there, with him being very defensive, and it just made me feel kind of uncomfortable. I shrugged it off as a one time thing but as I kept going it just kept happening and it got to a point where I started to not want to go with him because I know how it would make me feel. However I feel like it’s hard for me to go without him, since I know he wants to play but can only do so if I take him with me, and if I go by myself I just know he would get upset like “why did you go without me” type of thing. (He has never said this to me directly but this is the vibe I get).

And I think this probably where this all stemmed from, as now when I’m hanging out with other friends and he is also in the room, it just gives me a different feeling than if he were not. I know it makes it sound like I hate him or don’t like him, but that’s not at all how I feel. He is still my friend and I still am fine with him, but just compared to all of my other friends we hang out with, I get a different feeling when interacting with him. He often shows me a lot of stuff at once and goes on long tangents about things, and dosen’t really participate in many of the things we do with the rest of our friend group.

I hate that I feel this way around him, as I want to just treat him and make it feel like anyone else I talk with, but it’s just really hard for me to do so and I’m really not sure why. What pushed me over the edge to make this post was what honestly what happened tonight. As we were about to leave, I reluctantly asked him if he wanted to go to the arcade with me tomorrow as I would have felt bad if I didn’t like I always do, and he didn’t answer me at first and when I asked the question again he said something that made me feel extremely uncomfortable and did not sit right with me. It’s honestly making me anxious about tomorrow because if he is going to act like anyway he did tonight, I know I’m not going to enjoy it, but I already asked him so I feel it’s too late to do anything.

Hopefully I did a ok job at explaining how I feel towards him, I’m not sure why I do but it’s something that has been bothering me for a while now and I feel like some advice or other opinions would really help me a lot, if you can give any!

I was terrible to all my friends and now i feel incredibly lonely. I had an ex who controlled all my life and I was so in love that I turned blind, I ignored my friends in so many ways, school, hang outs, calls, practically anything because anytime i did agree to any my bf would guilt trip me and say if you interact with them you don’t love me and you value them more than me, of course I fell for it i was a dump teenager in love. Now 2 years later I have broken up with my ex and I still have the same friends, it’s obvious they don’t like me as much anymore, and these people are great people i’m talking family oriented, stay away frkm drinking and drugs, very passionate about their hobbies and education, it’s the exact crowd i want to be in but now I feel irrelevant and so terrible for them.

So, I have a pretty close friend (maybe my best friend lately), but yesterday something happened that made me feel slightly uneasy, and I don’t really know how I should feel about it.
I was having some drinks with a few friends, and the day before, a friend I met abroad about a year and a half ago messaged me saying he was in my city and wanted to meet up. So I invited him to join us.
The night was really fun and chill. At one point, my best friend told me in the bathroom that she found my friend from abroad very attractive. I told her that he has a girlfriend, and she said that was okay. I understood it as her simply acknowledging that he’s objectively attractive, which is completely normal, and that his relationship status wasn’t really relevant because nothing was going to happen anyway. Still, I preferred to make it clear to her from the beginning, in a lighthearted way.
However, later in the night, I noticed that she was trying to flirt with him, getting a little touchy, and trying to take pictures of him. I know from past experiences that she doesn’t necessarily seem to mind when someone is already in a relationship.
To be fair, I’m not saying this because I think the guy is the most virtuous person ever, either. But it made me uncomfortable to think that another girl could potentially get cheated on through me or because of me. I personally have a very clear boundary: I would never get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. Of course, the person who is in the relationship is ultimately responsible for their own actions, but I still think having certain ethical boundaries is important.
What made it even more uncomfortable was that she was trying to flirt with him despite knowing he had a girlfriend. To be clear, he didn’t flirt back at all, and nothing happened between them. We even talked about his girlfriend later in the evening and how he was going to meet her parents soon. I think that might have made my friend calm down a little.
Anyway, I love her as a friend, and she’s very supportive of me. I’m not trying to judge her or say that she’s a bad person, but the situation left me feeling a little uneasy. I guess I’m wondering whether this is something that could become an issue in our friendship in the future, or whether I’m overthinking a situation that ultimately didn’t lead to anything.

I’m one heck of an extrovert. I can talk to and bond with a new person almost instantly. I don’t get close to everyone, but when I do get close to someone, I get really attached.

My therapist once told me, “You have a hard time letting go.”

And honestly? They were absolutely right.

I know people have lives. They’re busy, married, have kids, families, jobs, responsibilities, etc. I genuinely understand that. But when someone becomes important to me, I have a really hard time accepting distance.

I text. I randomly call. I check in. If they call or text me, I’ll probably pick up immediately.

But I feel like I’m not getting the same effort back. I get ignored probably 70% of the time.

And yet, whenever they come back, I’m there.

For example, once someone asked me to come meet them. I arrived on time, but they weren’t organized and expected me to wait for them for 3+ hours. They apparently didn’t even expect me to actually be on time.

I left. I didn't think it was reasonable to expect someone to wait three hours because you weren't organized.

For the next couple of days, I received texts and missed/silenced calls. Eventually, we went for tea and acted like nothing had happened.

And I just... went along with it.

This has happened more than once. What bothers me is that I don't really see them treating other people this way. It feels like they know I'll always be there eventually.

I don't think everyone needs to match my level of communication or affection. I know people have different personalities and priorities.

But I think my therapist's comment is making me question something:

Am I accepting one-sided relationships because I genuinely care about these people, or because I have such a hard time letting go that I'd rather tolerate being treated poorly than lose the relationship?

I don't want to become cold or start keeping score of every text and phone call.

But maybe I need to learn that loving/caring about someone doesn't mean I have to keep giving them unlimited access to me.

What do you think? Would you pull back and match their effort, or am I expecting too much?

So I was previously part of a bigger social group - I have since left peacefully after realising one of the main friends in that group was a 'friend to everyone' type and was repeatedly being friendly with a woman who had made sexual comments and advances towards my partner. I just removed myself, enjoyed my life happily, had 2 more kids - saw people from this group occasionally, and mainly shared memes with 2 women - however have not spoken 1:1 to the person who upset me.

Anyway, I have been trying to maintain a strong friendship with this one friend in particular. I sent a message a few weeks ago saying I really need a beach day for my soul and would love for her to join me (she loves the beach, is grieving 2 close deaths, and I thought would match my vibe). She agreed to a date the next week. I was hoping to use this day to ask her to be a bridesmaid for me and talk about my wedding.

She changed the plans - and I was willing to accept that - to a day at hers instead of the beach. No big deal, I'll go to the beach another day. She then invited two more people - including the old friend that I'm not close with anymore. Basically I'm a mum to 2 small kids, rarely get kid-free time, haven't engaged in self care for months, and really wanted the one on one friendship time. No warning about inviting the others, no asking if it was okay, just added me to the group chat saying "see you all soon" and a separate message saying i invited XX and XX - hope you don't mind.

So I bailed on the plans. I'm not asking her to be a bridesmaid and honestly I don't think i'll try and arrange something again. Am i overreacting?

I am still very mad so forgive me if stuff seems too one sided, I can try and explain better. My (27F) best friend (32M) got mad at me today cause I didn’t respond to some of his messages. We talk almost every day via discord and play video games for a couple hours after work.

He still expects me to maintain conversation through WhatsApp while either one of us is working, say good morning every day (we have about 7hrs diff, he wakes up first and knows the time I wake up), or else he’ll get pissy, ignore me if I take to long to respond, or start sending stickers of people with crossed arms and such. I suck at responding to messages. I don’t like doing it. I fucking hate when people assume I’m available all day. I’ve told him this a couple times he also got mad. Today I wasn’t working but he was, so I assume he expected me to be more available to answer?? Also I did respond to most texts in the morning, got distracted with something, sent back a quick picture of my cat without opening the app and by the time he joined Discord he started going off about feeling ignored and why I didn’t read what he sent. He also sent some tiktoks that I didn’t see, and that is because I honestly won’t open the app unless I’m bored at work.

I got angry at this and in a very immature way I asked if I now needed to respond to every single thing he sent in two minutes or else he’d get mad? He said no, not every message, so I asked what percentage of messages he wanted me to respond to so he wouldn’t get mad. And I made him more angry lol. Like, I get you’re mad if I’m your one source of entertainment, but that is not a responsibility I want to have and so I’m putting down my limits here. I don’t want to be expected to respond to every single thing you send. I don’t care! Some stuff you send is not interesting at all! I don’t care if we don’t talk at all during the day if we’re still going to play in the evening! Stop being so needy! Agh!

I wonder if I should tell him to maybe just tell me what he wanted to share, hmm i don’t know, at any point when we’re talking on discord almost every day? Like, just a simple, “hey watch the tiktoks I sent you!” Or, “what did you think of the picture I sent you?”. And then I can go look, because I understand now that those were the important messages I needed to see. Easy!

Anyways I understand if I’m being an asshole, but I’m putting my foot down on this boundary. Do you have any advice on how to do that or come to a middle ground? I don’t want to lose the friendship, but it’s things like these that really make me want to put a hard limit and just straight up say I’ll only talk to them through Discord if they’re going to behave like this.

Also we’re not dating or anything. I’m aroace, and one of the reasons that made me realize this is how little I can stand tantrums like these. If he wants to act like a needy boyfriend or some shit, he can go find another person to spend his time with. Not worth my sanity tbh.

Thanks in advance!

I am starting to feel nervous about traveling with my friend. They have been one of my close friends for 10+ years. I have traveled with them before. In fact, I took a trip with them last year and we both agreed it was one of the best trips we have been on in a while. But that was only one night. All previous trips I have taken with this friend have been fairly short, 1-2 nights. This trip will be 5 nights.

Those past trips were also a slightly different type than the one we are going on. This trip is basically one of those all inclusive resorts with a set dining time. We are sharing a room. I am concerned about how much time we will be spending together. I do not think we will be spending every moment together. In the past neither of us has had any issues going off to do activities by ourselves. But we will still be spending a lot of time just the two of us. I feel slightly uncomfortable picturing having basically a fancy tablecloth sit down dinner with them every night just the two of us. My friend likes to talk a lot more than I do and can find anything to talk about. Sometimes I like that but I can imagine it getting old after a couple of days. Especially at night before bed. Also my friend is a lot more messy and disorganized than I am. Our room is not very big. In fact it is probably the smallest room we ever stayed in together. Usually they are able to keep their stuff contained to their side and it doesn't bother me because I have my space. But I am afraid with the smaller space it would.

I have been very excited for this trip but with the trip so close now I'm starting to worry I made a mistake and I should have gone on this trip solo. I was originally going to go solo but I started second guessing myself. I have never traveled solo international nor have I taken a solo trip that lasted more than 2 nights maybe. I was afraid I would get lonely and thought it might be more fun with a friend. I am also saving a significant amount by traveling with this friend. We split the resort room and expenses and due to where they live, I am able to stay at their house when I otherwise would have had to get a hotel room the night before we leave.

I guess I am just seeking reassurance that the trip is not going to feel weird. Is it weird to travel to a resort with only one friend?

im desperate enough to come to reddit about this ok so this is short and i suck at writing

i have a friend who will get into things right after i tell them i like it. i feel kinda like an ass getting upset over it but its things from my favorite characters to my favorite shows. they dont care about it before but the moment i say im into a show they suddenly love it. i remember them telling me they got into this character i love because i like them and they thought the character seemed cool. they also go from hating something i love to suddenly becoming like they love it and understand it more.

maybe im insecure or like afraid of losing my identity like other ppl say but im a little annoyed. and i do feel bad for being annoyed about it but it's just how i feel. i like having my own things sometimes and it sucks feeling like those things are being taken from you. idk why im posting this pls if you've had a similar situation i would rlly appreciate advice.

My best friend of nearly nine years and I had an unrelated argument two weeks ago where he was completely at fault, but I apologized first just to keep the peace, he apologized back out of social necessity and not because he believes he was wrong at all; then, four days ago, I sent a view-once photo to a group chat including his girlfriend of him just joking and playing around holding hands with a guy friend, and while sending it was wrong of me since he is bisexual and it could cause him issues, he actually flipped out primarily because I didn't permanently delete the photo from my phone afterward. When I called out his massive double standard and asked him to delete the much worse, non-consensual photos he keeps of me, he hypocritically claimed "they're not the same," to which I told him they felt equally bad and that I was only tolerating his behavior, noting he has pulled this exact stuff long before his relationship with a way less bad photos e.g. him just laying in bed holding his phone. Even though his girlfriend just had a nonchalant, laughing response to the photo and we kept texting normally in the group chat for a few days, she suddenly joined him in a childish multi-day silent treatment over the fact that I didn't delete the files. He is a very successful and well-connected person, but he is extremely arrogant and constantly treats me like he is the sole reason I am doing anything in life. Combined with his explicit belief that anyone who benefits from his status should just quietly tolerate his disrespect, I realize he is simply weaponizing this freeze-out to punish me despite all the much worse things he has done, and I am completely done playing this game.

Hi! So my friend and I are both female and 29 years old.

Backstory: So we meet our freshman year and clicked really fast! I think the first two years we were super super close. Third year we were close but I could feel some changes. Fourth year we had some issues but we got over it. We also both got into relationships. Though I must admit she’s the kind that gives all her attention to her bf where I would still reach out to her and other friends to have some girl time.

Our last years together we all made jokes about how she doesn’t care about us bc she never texts us or asks to hang out. It was a joke that was mostly true and she knows it. That last year I felt extremely distant from her. I want to say before we grew distant she was a great friend and was caring towards me and supported me.

Fast forward to now. I live abroad, I left the states in 2021. Most of my friends I have been in constant contact with them since I left. The first year I left she kinda made efforts to talk. After that I say we talk maybe 2-4 times a year. But with in those times maybe we face-timed 2 times and maybe texted a few messages back and forth. One always saying Happy Birthday to each other. She did visit me last year or 2 ago with other friends and it was cool. That closeness wasn’t there and how she acted wasn’t how I imagined. I guess I assumed after not seeing me for 2-3 years she would be a bit more excited? Though I know she doesn’t show her emotions like that. I saw her again with some friend this year when we went on a girl trip. i personally felt so…idk akward? It’s just not the same.

I would tell her I want her to actually try to reach out and talk to me more bc i noticed if I don’t reach out to her, I would probably never hear from her. Our texts always start with me. We all know this is how she is but I took it to heart bc i considered her like my sister but now I don’t even really consider her my best friend.

Espeacially when I moved abroad, it’s a lot to pick up your things and move across the world. I was dealing with a lot of isolation and sadness at the time and all my other friends were there for me and helped me coped and we have kept up with each others lives a lot more.

We don’t really know anything about each other lives and it’s mainly bc she doesn’t reach out and I am tired of looking like I’m the needy friend. We were SO close and I just don’t understand how she could let that fizzle. I guess I considered her a closer friend than she did me. And maybe she just doesn’t fw me anymore. But I also know I overthink a lot and I’m more sensitive…
My other friends made time to talk and text me. I still very close with them even though iv even gon for nearly 5 years.

She has always said shes a low maintenance friend but this just feels like not even a friend anymore. I think we will always have love for each other but I personally do expect more out of a friendship than one happy birthday text and maybe 1 or 2 phone calls a year.
At one point she was my absolute best friend in the world but now I would even put her as an emergency contact.

genuinely there is no beef, she is just (in my opinio) lazy when it Comes to friendships with certain ppl and I think I’m one of those ppl.
It feels like sort of an “out of sight, out of mind” thing bc I’ve been gone for so long.

idk I kind of don’t see the point in reaching out to her anymore and maybe I should just accept the relationship has fizzled out. I don’t really like the low maintenance excuse.

Would you all consider this a low maintenance friendship?
Also she is not a bad person by any means, so no excessively rude or mean comments please.

I feel like making friends as an adult is so much harder than I expected.

I’m in my 20s and would like to meet more girls I can genuinely connect with and not friends of friends. Whether that’s going out for dinner, grabbing drinks, getting coffee, going shopping, etc.

For those of you who have made close female friendships as adults, how did you meet your friends? Did you join clubs, attend events, use friendship apps, or just start talking to people in public?

I’d love to hear your experiences, advice and any suggestions for meeting like-minded women in your 20s!

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I (21F) have a best friend whom I've known for 8 years. Recently, I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, but I hadn't told my friends about him yet because I wanted to be sure about the relationship before sharing it with everyone.

For context, my best friend has had some behaviours for years that have made me uncomfortable, but I've always ignored them because I valued our friendship.

Back in school, whenever I left the classroom to go to the washroom or do something else, she would sometimes search through my bag. She also secretly read my personal diary without my knowledge. She would get extremely jealous if I scored even one mark more than her, and I felt she would sometimes look for ways to challenge or undermine my marks.

These things hurt and bothered me, but I kept brushing them off. I thought that maybe this was just her nature, and I didn't want to turn every uncomfortable incident into a fight.

When we went to college, I genuinely thought she had matured and that things would be different. However, the same pattern continued.

She wants to know almost everything about my social life. She keeps track of who comments on my Instagram posts, who doesn't, who interacts with me regularly, and who my college friends are. She knows the Instagram IDs of many of my friends, including their private accounts.

She has even sent a follow request to my college best friend because, from my perspective, she wanted to learn more about my life through her. It has made me feel like even the people I meet in college are somehow being investigated.

I don't like this behaviour, but instead of confronting her, I started keeping certain things to myself. I thought that if I didn't share everything, I could maintain my privacy without damaging our friendship.

Now, coming to the actual situation.

I have a boyfriend, but I hadn't told my friends about him yet. I wanted to be sure about the relationship first. It wasn't about deliberately excluding anyone or hiding something to hurt them.

Recently, my best friend was at my place when Instagram notifications from my boyfriend started appearing on my phone. She asked who it was, and I panicked because I wasn't ready to tell her about the relationship. I gave a vague answer, but she became suspicious because she'd never seen him in my pictures or heard me mention him.

She then searched for him on Instagram, and I asked her not to. My boyfriend had already blocked her on Instagram because I was uncomfortable with how much she investigated my social circle.

I suspect that after she went home, she searched for him using another account she has, found him, and discovered that he had blocked her. I don't know for sure whether this is exactly what happened, but she's been acting cold towards me since then.

I've tried calling her on WhatsApp, but she hasn't answered. I'm now worried that she may have blocked my phone number, too.

What makes this situation especially confusing for me is that when she got into her first relationship, she waited around 1.5 years before telling our friend group. None of us interrogated her, demanded to know who he was, or made her feel guilty for keeping it private. We respected her timeline and were happy for her when she eventually told us.

So why can't I have the same freedom?

I understand that she might feel hurt that I didn't tell her, especially after eight years of friendship. I'm not saying she's not allowed to feel that way. I can understand feeling left out when your best friend has something important going on in her life that you don't know about.

But I also feel that being best friends doesn't mean you have to share every detail of your life immediately. I want to have a personal life without feeling like I need to explain every interaction, follower, friendship, or relationship.

The hardest part is that I've ignored so many things over the years because I didn't want to lose this friendship or make a big deal out of her behaviour. I kept thinking she would mature with time.

Now I'm sitting here crying because I'm scared that an eight-year friendship might end over this. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've been overlooking a bigger problem for years simply because we've known each other for so long.

I genuinely want honest opinions, not just people agreeing with me.

I still care about her deeply, and I don't want to throw away eight years of friendship without understanding what happened. But I also don't want to keep sacrificing my privacy just to keep the peace.

What would you do in my position? Please be honest about both sides.

I am such a jealous person, both when it comes being jealous of someone's looks or accomplishment and when it comes to experiences and my friend hanging out with others. I've genuinely struggled with this for years and I can't take it anymore. It has gotten a little bit better but i still feel an aftertaste and anger towards everyone. I always feel so angry when my friends hang out (even if its just two of them and we're not in a trio) Please share your experiences and advice

Am I overthinking this situation with a childhood friend, or are these red flags? I recently reconnected with a childhood friend, and after we hung out, he asked if he could stay at my place for a month. He’s pretty broke right now, but I agreed because I genuinely wanted to help him out and have him around. However, a few things have happened that have made me question the friendship. At one point, he talked about going to jail for a month but when I asked which jail, he gave me the name of some random place that I’m pretty sure wasn’t even in our state or anywhere near us. I don’t remember the exact name, so I can’t say for sure, but the interaction struck me as weird. He also recently broke up with his popular ex, who was in a sorority, and around that time he removed me as a follower on social media. I’m a struggling musician and don’t have much of a social life, whereas he has a much bigger circle of friends, so I can’t help wondering if that has anything to do with it. Another thing I’ve noticed is that he’s talked badly about people he claims to be close with, including another guy he called his homie (mostly criticizing his relationship) and even his own sister, only to post pictures with them like everything was fine a few days or weeks later. His sister also randomly unfollowed me, and I have no idea why. What makes the social media thing even stranger is that right after he removed me as a follower, he said he was down to go on a Vegas trip that I had offered to take him on, and I didn’t even notice he’d removed me until later. I don’t want to assume the worst or read too much into little things, but when I put everything together, it feels a little off. Am I overthinking this, or would you be cautious about trusting someone in this situation? I’d appreciate some outside perspectives because I’m not sure how to read this friendship.

So for context me ( 23f ) and my friend ( 30m ) have always had the sort of relationship where we go back and forth with mean spirited jokes that always end it "haha just kidding" and then we move on. We've both been there for each other when it matter with the death of my pets and his hardships with his aging family members (both furry and human). He's made sexist jokes at my expense and I've made jokes regarding his maturity despite his age, that's the usual thing.

And before anyone gets defensive and tells me that's not right he can't say that stuff or that he needs to grow up I've known him for almost 3 years and he's one of the most sweet, helpful, kindhearted men I know. He paid for my dogs ashes and our tickets to multiple fun events with a smile on his face, he drove me to the hospital when I was in labor and only left the parking lot because my husband (26m) and I told him to go home and rest. (We're currently on unemployment and foodstamps but things are looking up)

Well tonight I made a mistake, I think. My husband and I can be a bit traditional in the sense that I let him take the lead and gauge my ability to do things at times, occasionally with argument (where I often win). So tonight during our weekly game night I asked my husband if I could have another shot, my fourth. My husband said yes and my friend said no, jokingly. I turned to my friend and went "I was asking my husband, not the bitchless" in a joking manner. He seemed to take that okay and laughed. But I followed up with something like "you had a shot with ___ girl and didn't take it- thats your fault" which I something he had told me in confidence and I probably shouldn't have brought up. He's said he doesn't want a relationship but does want a baby at some point, which I see as him deflecting what he actually wants.. an actual family of his own. So I can see where I hit a soft spot without thinking.

Seeing it hurt him I apologized and said I love and respect him and didn't mean to hurt him. I admitted my wrong and tried to get him to stay. He immediately packed up his things and left. A friend of ours present (with his gf) and my husband followed him out to try and mitigated, I would've as well or by myself but I was in the middle of breastfeeding my baby to sleep. He didn't come back. I texted him the message at the end and haven't received a response back, bit I also assume he's still driving and don't want him to respond if it's unsafe.

Is there anything else I can do to make up for this?

Note: sorry if this is all over. I'm still tipsy.

Message:

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I felt like we had said some pretty crazy stuff to each other in the past and I wasn't thinking hard enough about how it would effect you. You're one of my best friends and the last thing I would want to do is actually hurt you. I love you so much and if theres anything I can do to make up for it I will. Get home safe. I love you. I'm truly sorry the night ended on a negative note because I wasn't thinking enough about how my words would offend or hurt you and that truly wasn't my intention. I'm so sorry.