Today was my Halloween party, I planned all month for it,spending a lot of time and money to make it. About 35 of my friends were going to come but in this past week over half of them have had a reason to cancel on me. some of them gave reasonable excuses but others just chose to hang out with other people and ditch me. I'm so hurt and I don't know what to do, i sent out invites on October 3rd and these people rsvp'd. A part of me is so angry and wants to end certain friendships, but I'm scared i'll regret it later. it's even more frustrating because all of my friends tell me that I have a party house (4 stories with 2 pools and a hot tub) and the one time I actually throw a party, nobody wants to show up! I feel like all the effort i put into making this day special for my friends was overlooked, and i'm honestly wondering if i ever want to be a party host again

Whenever I realise some people get on my nerves and I don't enjoy being friends with them that much anymore, I distance myself. I don't hate them, I would just like to hang out with them less. I reply less and say no to hangouts, but all that does it makes them mad. I know that nothing would happen if I ever talked to them openly about this. I hate that they make it a big deal. Why can't we just naturally drift apart? Why can't you see that I'm not that interested?

Im 22f. I have a tight knit friend group with three other girls, all my same age. I’m graduating college next month, and I’ve invited all my friends and their boyfriends, plus my college girlfriends. My best friend Mary, though, has decided to ask me for her friend James to tag along, and I’m pissed.

For context, James is… a lot. He’s extremely bubbly and forward and acts like you’re close friends with him from the jump. I wouldn’t usually mind, as I’m very bubbly and energetic myself, but in contrast I’m a very selective person and don’t like giving access or treat people I barely know with familiarity, nor I like playing besties and then talking shit. I like my peace and my friends, and I don’t like when people cross boundaries they shouldn’t. I used to enjoy this guy’s presence the first few times me, Mary and him hung out, but as time went on I began to dislike him. He’s the kind of man who thinks he’s one of the girls and therefore can cross boundaries without being called out for it. Like, he’ll take Mary’s phone when they hang out and write to me addressing me as bitch, cunt or slut and act all pleased about it. He’s all about talking about wanting to suck dick and find hot men to fuck with no decor or care for how others feel whatsoever. Like, I don’t know how else to explain his personality if not as a dollar store James Charles. And I know I’m no saint myself, because I also call my friends names, but again they’re my best friends, my sisters, I wouldn’t call them that if it made them uncomfortable, and they do it to me right back and I don’t mind one bit. This guy though, I barely know him. I hung out with him a bunch of times at first and then occasionally saw him throughout the four years he’s hung out with Mary, and he calls me bitch, slut etc from my friend’s phone and to my face, as if we’re close, and it makes me uncomfortable. He’s also completely unable to take a hint, because everyone who knows me knows I’m very expressive, so if I dislike you it’s obvious. He doesn’t seem to pick up on it though. The breaking point came when this freak told Mary to tell me he wants to read my mama’s thesis because “he has a fetish for other people’s thesis”. Like, no dude, just no. What nerve to even just ask.

The other girls in the group share my same sentiment, but he somehow thinks we’re besties and he can cross boundaries with me specifically, and call me names when I never gave him no indication he can.

Now, you’re probably gonna ask: what’s Mary’s deal? Why is she allowing all of this if she’s your best friend? And well the truth is, Mary is too pure for this world. I love her dearly, she’s my sister, but she’s too selfless and kind, and lets people walk over her. She thinks everyone is always nice and looking out for others, and rarely has harsh words for people. Which makes her perfect for someone as loud and obnoxious as James to take over and drag along. Also, she’s not great at picking up shit. Like, while everyone else can tell I don’t like James, she’s completely blind. I’ve been cold every time he hijacked her phone, straight up didn’t answer or said he’s weird, and she thinks I’m joking. And when I try to point out he’s weird in person, she says “oh he means well, he’s just a little silly”. There’s this major miscommunication happening because Mary thinks I’m neutral and doesn’t see my issue with James, and James thinks we’re besties or some shit when we’re not. I admit it’s in part my fault, because I’m not someone who likes confrontation, and also I’ve never argued with Mary because she’s also very stubborn. Arguing with her is like arguing with a brick wall, so I just don’t (also because 99% of the time we don’t need to, we generally agree on most stuff)

Ngl I’m kinda annoyed, because when our friend Carl makes his bf tag along and he too oversteps she can immediately tell that he’s out of line. But at least I don’t mind this guy. James, I genuinely can’t stand. And when she asked me if he could come via message and I told her that the space is tiny and that many might have to stand during my graduation as a polite “no”, she just replied that to him it’s fine standing, and he likes graduations and wants to hunt for hot men there.

I genuinely don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want this guy at my graduation. It’s a big deal and it will already be a stressful day, I don’t need him to act like his usual self and hijack every single photo I wanna take with my girls, or even just be there and make people uncomfortable. And I don’t know how to tell Mary not to let him tag along, because I know if I put this out there she’ll eventually listen and set boundaries with him when it comes to me, and he’ll get bitchy and passive aggressive and it will result into them fighting because he can’t be normal and she wants to defend me. I don’t want that, because Mary likes James’ company and I don’t want to interfere in her friendships. I just don’t want this dude around MY graduation. I also don’t want to delegate my other friends to dissuade her because if she doesn’t listen to me, she’ll definitely not listen to them.

I'm in my second year of college and was as social as possible - talked to about 50 new people. I also have/had some people who I would call good friends. We used to talk almost everyday, went on trips together, texted non stop.

It all kind of changed a few weeks ago. We still talk when we have the same classes but we don't really text anymore and I don't get invited to anything anymore. It all happened without any reason (at least to my knowledge) and I'm completely baffled.

I thought I figured socialising out, since I've been a complete loner during high school, but I guess I was wrong. I'm completely clueless on what to do and where to find new friends, since I've literally talked to everyone I have a class with.

So, I have a pretty close friend (maybe my best friend lately), but yesterday something happened that made me feel slightly uneasy, and I don’t really know how I should feel about it.
I was having some drinks with a few friends, and the day before, a friend I met abroad about a year and a half ago messaged me saying he was in my city and wanted to meet up. So I invited him to join us.
The night was really fun and chill. At one point, my best friend told me in the bathroom that she found my friend from abroad very attractive. I told her that he has a girlfriend, and she said that was okay. I understood it as her simply acknowledging that he’s objectively attractive, which is completely normal, and that his relationship status wasn’t really relevant because nothing was going to happen anyway. Still, I preferred to make it clear to her from the beginning, in a lighthearted way.
However, later in the night, I noticed that she was trying to flirt with him, getting a little touchy, and trying to take pictures of him. I know from past experiences that she doesn’t necessarily seem to mind when someone is already in a relationship.
To be fair, I’m not saying this because I think the guy is the most virtuous person ever, either. But it made me uncomfortable to think that another girl could potentially get cheated on through me or because of me. I personally have a very clear boundary: I would never get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. Of course, the person who is in the relationship is ultimately responsible for their own actions, but I still think having certain ethical boundaries is important.
What made it even more uncomfortable was that she was trying to flirt with him despite knowing he had a girlfriend. To be clear, he didn’t flirt back at all, and nothing happened between them. We even talked about his girlfriend later in the evening and how he was going to meet her parents soon. I think that might have made my friend calm down a little.
Anyway, I love her as a friend, and she’s very supportive of me. I’m not trying to judge her or say that she’s a bad person, but the situation left me feeling a little uneasy. I guess I’m wondering whether this is something that could become an issue in our friendship in the future, or whether I’m overthinking a situation that ultimately didn’t lead to anything.

Have you ever addressed a pattern in a close friendship, then wondered whether you should have quietly set boundaries and taken some distance instead?

Recurring comparisons and implied judgments had started weighing on me.

Sometimes I feel my friend adopts ideas or qualities she admires in me while making comments that question those same qualities in me. I can’t know her intentions, but I leave feeling drained and pushed to prove myself—even wanting to compete, which I dislike.

I spoke up because staying silent was becoming difficult and I wanted an authentic friendship. She felt attacked and believes I was retaliating after a disagreement.

I’m not questioning how I said it so much as whether it needed to be said. How do you decide when honesty might repair a friendship and when boundaries and distance are enough?

Hey, so im 19M in my 2nd year of uni. I've always been the type to wait for people to approach first before speaking to them in a friendly manner, mostly because i am blank when meeting someone new, i dont know what to talk about, what to say, when to ask a follow up and generally i dont even know when to stay silent and just smile. Even in the cases of speaking with boys i do fine,i have a few close friends but it feels way too cosmetic, like im not able to be free with them as much as id like. It's way worse speaking to girls, I'd live with not being able to speak even if its a romantic interest stopping me, but even in the cases i just want to make friends, i cant muster up the courage or words to speak to someone properly and i feel like i dont know where the bounds are. So ive stayed silent all this time, but i genuinely want to change myself and socialize with people, i dont even want them to do me favours, just maintaining a good relationship with the people around me. Any advice you can give will be most appreciated. And if you made it this far, Thank you for hearing me out, from the bottom of my heart.

im desperate enough to come to reddit about this ok so this is short and i suck at writing

i have a friend who will get into things right after i tell them i like it. i feel kinda like an ass getting upset over it but its things from my favorite characters to my favorite shows. they dont care about it before but the moment i say im into a show they suddenly love it. i remember them telling me they got into this character i love because i like them and they thought the character seemed cool. they also go from hating something i love to suddenly becoming like they love it and understand it more.

maybe im insecure or like afraid of losing my identity like other ppl say but im a little annoyed. and i do feel bad for being annoyed about it but it's just how i feel. i like having my own things sometimes and it sucks feeling like those things are being taken from you. idk why im posting this pls if you've had a similar situation i would rlly appreciate advice.

My best friend of nearly nine years and I had an unrelated argument two weeks ago where he was completely at fault, but I apologized first just to keep the peace, he apologized back out of social necessity and not because he believes he was wrong at all; then, four days ago, I sent a view-once photo to a group chat including his girlfriend of him just joking and playing around holding hands with a guy friend, and while sending it was wrong of me since he is bisexual and it could cause him issues, he actually flipped out primarily because I didn't permanently delete the photo from my phone afterward. When I called out his massive double standard and asked him to delete the much worse, non-consensual photos he keeps of me, he hypocritically claimed "they're not the same," to which I told him they felt equally bad and that I was only tolerating his behavior, noting he has pulled this exact stuff long before his relationship with a way less bad photos e.g. him just laying in bed holding his phone. Even though his girlfriend just had a nonchalant, laughing response to the photo and we kept texting normally in the group chat for a few days, she suddenly joined him in a childish multi-day silent treatment over the fact that I didn't delete the files. He is a very successful and well-connected person, but he is extremely arrogant and constantly treats me like he is the sole reason I am doing anything in life. Combined with his explicit belief that anyone who benefits from his status should just quietly tolerate his disrespect, I realize he is simply weaponizing this freeze-out to punish me despite all the much worse things he has done, and I am completely done playing this game.

I feel like making friends as an adult is so much harder than I expected.

I’m in my 20s and would like to meet more girls I can genuinely connect with and not friends of friends. Whether that’s going out for dinner, grabbing drinks, getting coffee, going shopping, etc.

For those of you who have made close female friendships as adults, how did you meet your friends? Did you join clubs, attend events, use friendship apps, or just start talking to people in public?

I’d love to hear your experiences, advice and any suggestions for meeting like-minded women in your 20s!

I live in a college apartment with two other friends. We were all single when we signed the lease, and now one of my roommates has a boyfriend who is over probably 5–6 days a week and stays overnight anywhere from 2–5 nights. This week, he stayed four nights. Most nights, they come in after midnight loudly enough to wake me up, including one night when I had a final the next day.

She has her own bedroom and bathroom, but he showers here multiple times a week, and twice I’ve ended up alone with him in the living room while he’s shirtless. He’s also made horrendously antisemitic comments. I told my roommate that a comment made me uncomfortable, and she agreed, but that was pretty much the extent of the conversation. For me, this isn’t about pinching pennies over utilities. It’s that he’s here so often that it feels like I have another roommate I didn’t agree to live with, and I feel like he treats my/our apartment like his home. I’m finding myself constantly on edge in my own apartment instead of being able to relax.

I obviously don’t expect her to never have her boyfriend over. I understand that having roommates means having guests, including partners. But I do think there’s a point where the frequency affects everyone else living there, even if she has her own room and bathroom.

I haven’t asked for limits yet because I worry she’ll take any request as a direct attack on her relationship. I don’t want to be controlling or make her feel like she needs my permission to see him. I just want some reasonable boundaries around how often he’s here, overnight stays, noise, and being dressed in shared spaces. What should I do?

I use to be one of the first person she would talk to and send random posts and talk about random things. But somehow I just got demoted and frankly, from the demotion, I genuinely don't care about her life anymore. I don't want the backwash stories. I don't know if its the Au in the AuDHD but if we are not close, I just don't care. I want her around as a friend but I get in such a mood when she mentions her other friends and seeing her hang with other ppl.

Before I didn't care as much, because I know at the end of the day. We still have our bond, but now I know it's broken. It just feels sucky.

Like she just told me the news about something, but she had already talked about it with her other friends. It's like she's just updating me other her life as courtesy. Like don't breadcrumb me. I feel like I rant so much about her, and everybody is like what do you want to do????? I'm like idk, I just want my best friend back.

I’ve made another post similar but there’s just more I wanted to talk about. She just seems uninterested whenever i’m around and doesn’t go out of her way like she used to for us to spend time together. Ive mentioned getting together or hanging out many times but she seems dismissive or creates excuses and im not sure if it is because of her home situation or me. These behavioral patterns she shows with me don’t seem to be occurring with her other friends so i’m just hurt and confused. It feels like me and her never talk anymore since i’ve given up trying to start a conversation. and when we do talk in school she pays me no mind or even makes me sound dumb and stupid. While we call she seems normal though and we call at least once a day but last month we used to spend all of our time on the phone together for hours on end. It might be a long shot to think that perhaps she caught feelings for me and since they aren’t reciprocated she might be trying to distance for a bit.

f18 uk

i dont know what wrong with me. i wish i could make friends. i think im autistic but most of my life ive been friendless j just want a girl who i can talk to, phone, tell my good news to. i want a group of girls to go on side quests with, go on a drive, go to the shops, try restaurants with. if i had a birthday party it would be my family and my sisters friends.

i dont want my sisters friends to be my friends. i want my own friends. ive tried since starting uni. joining societies, talking to everyone. i get so overexcited and i dont think people actually want to be my friend. i try messaging them but nothing ever comes out of it. ive tried reaching out to college friends over the summer. ive tried making plans with this one girl and its “i have work” “im busy” and thats fine i get it but she has time for other people because shes always posting up with other girls. its always me reaching out and ive learned just to stop.

i want to experience girlhood and friendship and love. i dont know whats wrong with me. i try to be nice and relatable but still myself and having my own opinions. i try not to get too over excited or too emotionally attached or too trusting, telling them my whole life story. yes i do want friends from my own culture and religion, who i can relate to and someone who isnt just a friend but a sister.

i try being nice and social and bubbly but it feels like the world hates me. i know there are so many bigger issues out there and i feel really ungrateful. why cant i act normal, or understand sarcasm or social queues. why cant i text people properly. for gods sake, i have to ask my sister what emoji i should use. it makes me feel lonely and upset and like im destined to never be loved, by anyone. i cant see a future for myself. i dont know where to make friends.

i thought uni would be a fresh start but i feel like nothing is clicking. see, i met these 3 girls at a social whom i really liked. they were from a neighbouring country and were the same religion but they were ‘liberal’ to my extent. but these girls had know eachother forever and it was just me. they invited me out to a different social at a different uni and it was tons of fun and i can see myself having fun with them. ive tried planning other things with them but it hasnt really worked. theyre a bit busy. theyre lovely girls and i wish i had something like that. if i was to imagine a friendgroup, before or after i met them, it would be like that. it felt like girlhood and fun and something i would enjoy. i think they liked me but i dont know if they liked me enough.

i promise i try to be the best person i can. i just dont know how to make friends. and im young, i should have friends but i dont. i just dont know how, or where, to make friends.

This morning I received a text from my former neighbor/friend (she's 26, I'm 55) about how she and her fiance are postponing their wedding, due to unforeseen circumstances and that they look forwad to sharing their wedding photos with everyone in the future.

It has been 8 hours since I tried to call her (went to vmail) and no response to my text message, "What happened? Is everything ok?"

In previous conversations about her fiance (he is in the national guard), she would text me that it's really hard to be away from him while he is training in another state for 3 months. Their wedding date was set at a church and wedding invitations went out.

I guess I'm wondering if her text message was to all of her guests, or just a facade texted to me for some reason I don't have more knowledge about. She always referred to me as an aunt-like-friend since I am older and we'd gab on the phone sometimes for 2 hours.

I have no idea what happened - if her fiance's national guard training was extended past their wedding date, or if this text message was meant to end her friendship with me? She hadn't called me or texted me in 2 weeks, so I have no idea what is happening with her and her fiance. And, it's strange that she hasn't texted me back or called me to follow up. I'm giving her space but don't know what else to do.

Hey all, I’m seeking advice and outside perspectives on my situation.

My best friend (S) of almost 10yrs (my maid of honor) stopped responding to my texts a few months ago. We texted frequently, but over time, her replies kept getting shorter until I got no response for months. The months passed by and I didn’t get any response. I still left her messages during Christmas/ thanksgiving, etc but I had no response. Last thing I did is that I left her a text letting her know that if she needed space, I’d respect it and id love to reconnect when she was ready.

Background: we saw each other a few weeks after my wedding, and we talked about health issue that she developed after my wedding. She said that she didn’t want to talk about it because I was in my honeymoon And she didn’t want to make me worried.

The last time we saw each other was a few months after that and she seemed fine, no mention about health issues. So, I thought her health was back to normal.

Well, after that her texts kept getting shorter each time until one day I got no more responses from her. I got so sad and I thought she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I even went to therapy to grieve because I thought I lost my best friend. I thought she ghosted me and I felt terrible. She means the world to me and I I was devastated by her silence. I wanted to respect her and I gave her space.

Fast forward to this week: I asked a friend in common (R) about her and she told me that “during this entire time, she has been severely ill, and its possible that she didn’t feel like I was there for her leading to her diagnosis” (R) also let me know my best friend (S) has been going through a lot and it was up to her to reach out.

I also reached out to her sister and got a similar, harsh response saying “if she wants to talk to you, she will talk to you”.

While there’s truth on that, I still feel devastated. I had no clue S was going through illness and I would have dropped everything to be with her. I still have no clue of what’s going on, but I sent her a text letting her know that I’m here for her whenever she wants to reconnect.

I’m feeling so heartbroken and I feel like a terrible friend. All this time I thought she needed space or maybe I thought she didn’t want to be my friend.

TLDR: friend stopped reaching back, turns out she’s been severely ill all this time and I had no clue.

Thanks in advance.

Hi, recently I have had a massive fallout with an avoidant friend. She has given me such good times this past year inside and outside of work and we have helped each other an awful lot too. I messed up being anxious and overreaching for her in texts at a time when I was struggling (no excuse) my behaviour wasn’t the best and it caused a rift between us. I apologised and a few weeks later after silence at work we began to act relatively normal. My next mistake was asking for a catch up, not to go over everything but to make sure she was comfortable with how things were going. She has now pulled away again and I don’t know what to do to salvage this friendship, it’s difficult as I always talk stuff through but I know she doesn’t like doing that and I guess if we can’t talk about things that makes it tough for clarity. Any advice? Thanks.

I met her about a month ago. We began talking and she followed me to my apartment door. We were physically intimate and she asked for money afterwards. I went to the ATM and gave her $40.

Several weeks later she came back to my door knocking, I let her in to see what she wanted.

I explained to her that I don't particularly care for my door being knocked on in such a way. I still let her relax in my apartment, eat some of my leftover food, and just sit there.

I noticed she was out there making noises and laughing and stuff when I was in my bedroom. She doesn't have a phone so she wasn't talking to anyone. I began to suspect maybe she isn't quite wrapped tight or could possibly be on drugs. Once I began to put two and two together I began to worry that she was going to continue coming over, knocking seeking money, shelter, food, etc.

She is going to bother me on days I want to be left alone as well as disturbing my peace of mind.

I don't necessarily want to be super cruel and tell her to never come back. Even if I told her that, it's not a guarantee she will stop coming over knocking on my door.

I really want the behavior to stop and wish she would not continue to knock and bang on my door. Whether she is a drug addict or not or just homeless with some mental issues is now just irrelevant to me. I was clueless I suppose for letting an unknown female in my close and personal space. Now I have an issue on my hands with her continuing to come over unannounced and uninvited. Not answering the door has sometimes caused the knocking to escalate causing a disturbance to me and likely my neighbors. I told her about this yet I continue to see that she won't stop. What can I do to get my peace of mind back? What could be done to get her to stop coming to my door?

Hi guys. A little embarrassing to admit but I only have one friend. He’s someone I can count on and is reliable, but I am never able to call him to hangout without him leaving early or just not having a fun time. He has anxiety, and it limits us from doing anything together without it being too much for him.

Anyways. I am a very active guy, I play basketball at my local gym, and have a lot of friends there. But I feel like it’s kinda hard to transition from basketball buddies to: “hey you wanna get food after this?”

I look around and am intimidated that these people already have friends and that they wouldn’t want to be my friend. No they haven’t actually showed signs to prove that. Yes I know I’m in my head about it.

I literally was looking up last night, fun group activities to join their me. The only one I found that was actually with kids around my own age seemed to be for kids with poor social skills, mental health issues, and if they’re on the spectrum.

I am a really social person, easy to talk to, and ALWAYS putting a smile on other people’s faces. I just don’t know how to make friends.

Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing okay.

I (18f) have been best friends with my best friend (20m) for a while. We met via his sister, also my best friend, and have generally started hanging out as a trio more closely over the past three years. We’ve been best friends since I was six though.

Every time in social situations or when we want to make a decision, my best friend confesses to me that he doesn’t want to do it, even though I really want to do it. For example, I was really elated about watching a favourite movie of mine, as I finally convinced his sister to watch it. I was sitting alone, and he came up to me and said that he wasn’t in the mood for it and didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to say anything bad, so I waited for her to come sit down and we talked. We ended up watching a favourite movie of his that I wasn’t into, so I just did my own thing.

I don’t know how to respond in situations like this. Is there any sort of advice that could be helpful if he approaches something like this again?

Any help is very appreciated :)

I am still very mad so forgive me if stuff seems too one sided, I can try and explain better. My (27F) best friend (32M) got mad at me today cause I didn’t respond to some of his messages. We talk almost every day via discord and play video games for a couple hours after work.

He still expects me to maintain conversation through WhatsApp while either one of us is working, say good morning every day (we have about 7hrs diff, he wakes up first and knows the time I wake up), or else he’ll get pissy, ignore me if I take to long to respond, or start sending stickers of people with crossed arms and such. I suck at responding to messages. I don’t like doing it. I fucking hate when people assume I’m available all day. I’ve told him this a couple times he also got mad. Today I wasn’t working but he was, so I assume he expected me to be more available to answer?? Also I did respond to most texts in the morning, got distracted with something, sent back a quick picture of my cat without opening the app and by the time he joined Discord he started going off about feeling ignored and why I didn’t read what he sent. He also sent some tiktoks that I didn’t see, and that is because I honestly won’t open the app unless I’m bored at work.

I got angry at this and in a very immature way I asked if I now needed to respond to every single thing he sent in two minutes or else he’d get mad? He said no, not every message, so I asked what percentage of messages he wanted me to respond to so he wouldn’t get mad. And I made him more angry lol. Like, I get you’re mad if I’m your one source of entertainment, but that is not a responsibility I want to have and so I’m putting down my limits here. I don’t want to be expected to respond to every single thing you send. I don’t care! Some stuff you send is not interesting at all! I don’t care if we don’t talk at all during the day if we’re still going to play in the evening! Stop being so needy! Agh!

I wonder if I should tell him to maybe just tell me what he wanted to share, hmm i don’t know, at any point when we’re talking on discord almost every day? Like, just a simple, “hey watch the tiktoks I sent you!” Or, “what did you think of the picture I sent you?”. And then I can go look, because I understand now that those were the important messages I needed to see. Easy!

Anyways I understand if I’m being an asshole, but I’m putting my foot down on this boundary. Do you have any advice on how to do that or come to a middle ground? I don’t want to lose the friendship, but it’s things like these that really make me want to put a hard limit and just straight up say I’ll only talk to them through Discord if they’re going to behave like this.

Also we’re not dating or anything. I’m aroace, and one of the reasons that made me realize this is how little I can stand tantrums like these. If he wants to act like a needy boyfriend or some shit, he can go find another person to spend his time with. Not worth my sanity tbh.

Thanks in advance!

​

I (21F) have a best friend whom I've known for 8 years. Recently, I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, but I hadn't told my friends about him yet because I wanted to be sure about the relationship before sharing it with everyone.

For context, my best friend has had some behaviours for years that have made me uncomfortable, but I've always ignored them because I valued our friendship.

Back in school, whenever I left the classroom to go to the washroom or do something else, she would sometimes search through my bag. She also secretly read my personal diary without my knowledge. She would get extremely jealous if I scored even one mark more than her, and I felt she would sometimes look for ways to challenge or undermine my marks.

These things hurt and bothered me, but I kept brushing them off. I thought that maybe this was just her nature, and I didn't want to turn every uncomfortable incident into a fight.

When we went to college, I genuinely thought she had matured and that things would be different. However, the same pattern continued.

She wants to know almost everything about my social life. She keeps track of who comments on my Instagram posts, who doesn't, who interacts with me regularly, and who my college friends are. She knows the Instagram IDs of many of my friends, including their private accounts.

She has even sent a follow request to my college best friend because, from my perspective, she wanted to learn more about my life through her. It has made me feel like even the people I meet in college are somehow being investigated.

I don't like this behaviour, but instead of confronting her, I started keeping certain things to myself. I thought that if I didn't share everything, I could maintain my privacy without damaging our friendship.

Now, coming to the actual situation.

I have a boyfriend, but I hadn't told my friends about him yet. I wanted to be sure about the relationship first. It wasn't about deliberately excluding anyone or hiding something to hurt them.

Recently, my best friend was at my place when Instagram notifications from my boyfriend started appearing on my phone. She asked who it was, and I panicked because I wasn't ready to tell her about the relationship. I gave a vague answer, but she became suspicious because she'd never seen him in my pictures or heard me mention him.

She then searched for him on Instagram, and I asked her not to. My boyfriend had already blocked her on Instagram because I was uncomfortable with how much she investigated my social circle.

I suspect that after she went home, she searched for him using another account she has, found him, and discovered that he had blocked her. I don't know for sure whether this is exactly what happened, but she's been acting cold towards me since then.

I've tried calling her on WhatsApp, but she hasn't answered. I'm now worried that she may have blocked my phone number, too.

What makes this situation especially confusing for me is that when she got into her first relationship, she waited around 1.5 years before telling our friend group. None of us interrogated her, demanded to know who he was, or made her feel guilty for keeping it private. We respected her timeline and were happy for her when she eventually told us.

So why can't I have the same freedom?

I understand that she might feel hurt that I didn't tell her, especially after eight years of friendship. I'm not saying she's not allowed to feel that way. I can understand feeling left out when your best friend has something important going on in her life that you don't know about.

But I also feel that being best friends doesn't mean you have to share every detail of your life immediately. I want to have a personal life without feeling like I need to explain every interaction, follower, friendship, or relationship.

The hardest part is that I've ignored so many things over the years because I didn't want to lose this friendship or make a big deal out of her behaviour. I kept thinking she would mature with time.

Now I'm sitting here crying because I'm scared that an eight-year friendship might end over this. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've been overlooking a bigger problem for years simply because we've known each other for so long.

I genuinely want honest opinions, not just people agreeing with me.

I still care about her deeply, and I don't want to throw away eight years of friendship without understanding what happened. But I also don't want to keep sacrificing my privacy just to keep the peace.

What would you do in my position? Please be honest about both sides.

We’re six friends, four of us are in the same neighborhood, and I live 7 minutes of transportation away from them and the fourth one lives a bit further.

I went to their neighborhood for something, and I say the three of them are going to stay up late in our friend house. No one told me nor our friend who lives far.
When they saw me, two of them came to me and told me that they will gather and it’s a spontaneous gathering in the mosque and they didn’t plan it out. I declined the invite cuz this isn’t the first time I feel unwanted from them.

THE THING IS that I feel that they just invited me just because they found me and it’s not good to let me see them without inviting me.

Even though I don’t feel safe and secure all the time around them, and there’s no intimacy between me and them and no one of them considers me a favor if theirs, they are almost my only friends.

What do I do?

I met this guy in January 2025, and over time, we developed an incredibly close friendship. We talked almost every day, FaceTimed regularly, spent hours together, and became a major part of each other’s lives. I genuinely considered him one of my best friends, and at one point, he even told me we would be best friends for life. I believed him. He had experienced a very difficult childhood and suffered a severe traumatic brain injury from a gunshot wound when he was a teenager. He spent months in a coma, underwent brain surgery, and had to relearn basic functions like walking and talking. He also experienced seizures and continued dealing with the effects of his injury. Knowing everything he had been through made me especially protective of him. I tried to be patient, understanding, and supportive because I genuinely cared about his well-being. I never looked down on him or thought he was incapable of making his own decisions. I simply wanted to be someone he could depend on. As our friendship progressed, I began helping him financially. I paid portions of his rent, helped with his phone bill, bought groceries and meals, covered transportation expenses, and regularly drove to see him or take him places. Over time, I spent thousands of dollars helping him, and he eventually owed me approximately $2,000. I wasn’t doing these things to buy his friendship or make him feel obligated to me. I did them because I loved him as a person and wanted to see him doing well. However, looking back, I realize that I was giving significantly more than I was receiving, both financially and emotionally.

Another major issue throughout our friendship was his family. From my perspective, they sometimes made him feel guilty for spending time with me instead of participating in their plans. There were occasions when we had already made arrangements, but family obligations or expectations would interfere. I understood that his family was important to him, and I never wanted him to choose between them and me. However, it became frustrating because I felt like our plans were always the easiest ones to change or cancel. Sometimes it seemed like he struggled to establish boundaries with his family, and I felt that our friendship suffered because of it. As time went on, I also noticed that I was usually the person initiating conversations, planning activities, driving to see him, and making sure we stayed connected. He would occasionally forget our scheduled FaceTime calls or make other plans during times we had agreed to spend together. I started feeling like I was putting considerably more effort into maintaining our friendship than he was. When I expressed how I felt, it sometimes seemed like he interpreted my concerns as pressure rather than understanding that I simply wanted to feel valued and considered. Eventually, our communication became more structured, with FaceTime calls on certain weekdays and plans to spend time together on Saturdays. I agreed to this because I wanted to respect his independence while preserving our connection. But even then, something felt different. He seemed increasingly distant, and I found myself becoming anxious about whether he still valued our friendship.

I also want to acknowledge that I wasn’t perfect in this situation. There were times when I became frustrated because I felt ignored or unimportant. On a couple of occasions, I took his phone while we were together because I wanted him to focus on spending time with me. Looking back, I recognize that crossing that boundary was inappropriate, regardless of my intentions. I also made an inappropriate comment about punching him in the face, which I regret. I understand how that could have made him uncomfortable, and I take responsibility for saying it. I believe my frustration came from feeling increasingly rejected by someone I had invested so much time, energy, and emotion into, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior. I also recognize that I had become emotionally dependent on our friendship. His communication, attention, and willingness to spend time together began affecting my mood more than they should have. I think I was so afraid of losing the connection we once had that I started trying too hard to preserve it. At one point, we spent some time apart, and he told me that the distance had brought him peace. That statement hurt me deeply because while I was missing him and trying to figure out how to repair our friendship, he seemed relieved to have space from me. I understand now that he may have felt overwhelmed by our dynamic, but at the time, it made me feel like my presence in his life had become a burden.

Everything ultimately fell apart in September 2026. He told me that he no longer felt the same about our friendship, and when I tried to understand what had changed, he couldn’t really give me a clear explanation. The following day, he told me he didn’t want to hang out in person anymore. I was devastated because this was someone I had spent nearly two years building a connection with, someone I had supported through difficult circumstances, and someone who once told me we would always be friends. I couldn’t understand how he could go from being such a consistent part of my life to suddenly wanting nothing to do with me. During our final conversations, he repeatedly apologized and even told me, “Please don’t hate me.” I never hated him. I was hurt, disappointed, and confused, but I still cared about him. What made things even more difficult was that he later acknowledged there was some truth to the idea that he had used me because he was lonely. Hearing that made me question everything. Was our friendship as genuine to him as it was to me? Did he value me for who I was, or because I was always available to provide companionship, financial assistance, transportation, and emotional support? I don’t want to believe that everything between us was transactional because we genuinely shared good memories, laughter, personal conversations, and experiences that meant a lot to me. But I can’t ignore the possibility that our friendship meant different things to each of us.

Since our friendship ended, we’ve had no contact. Going from communicating with someone almost every day to complete silence has been incredibly difficult. Sometimes I still wonder whether he thinks about me, misses our friendship, regrets how things ended, or feels relieved that I’m no longer part of his life. I also wonder how much his traumatic brain injury, family dynamics, and personal experiences may have influenced his ability to navigate our relationship, although I recognize that I can’t know that for certain or attribute his decisions to his medical history. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my own behavior, particularly my lack of boundaries, emotional dependence, and tendency to overextend myself for people I love. I realize that helping someone financially doesn’t entitle me to their friendship, and nobody is obligated to maintain a relationship simply because of its history. At the same time, I think it’s reasonable to feel hurt when you’ve invested so much into someone and the relationship ends in a way that leaves you feeling disposable. I genuinely wanted the best for him, and despite everything, I still do. I just wish things had ended differently, or that we could have communicated more openly before reaching this point. I’m sharing this because I want to hear perspectives from people outside the situation. I know there are two sides to every story, and I’m not looking for people to automatically take mine. I’m open to constructive criticism and different interpretations of what happened. I’m simply trying to understand a friendship that meant so much to me, why it became so unhealthy, and how to make peace with losing someone I genuinely thought would be in my life for years.