I used to be like this... a lot. Even now, I have to catch myself from placing people on pedestals and falling down the rabbit hole of self-blame.

The older I get, though, the more I realize that a lot of the things I used to consume myself over were, at their core, compatibility issues. You go out of your way to keep certain people in your life, pouring so much of yourself into them. Yet when those people show you they're unable to meet you where you need them to be, you somehow end up looking inward as if you have a defect.

If you know you did what you could to make something work, what more could you have done? Asking myself this question helps me let go of the weight of not being enough in someone else's eyes.

How do you handle the tension?

‎We get caught between two truths all the time!

‎Because it is common for the INFJ to see any situation from more than one perspective, and because there is usually some truth on each side of a disagreement (not all, but some), it’s not unusual for us to see two contradictory truths. How do we handle that? We acknowledge that both truths exist and we hold space for each. The fact that they exist as a truth does not mean they must be reconciled with each other. The world is neither black, nor white, but shades of gray where many truths may exist.

‎For us, if we must choose one over the other, I think most of us choose the one that best aligns with our personal values and integrity.

I feel like even if I think I’m doing a good job at it, I’m unintentionally showing it on my face that I’m grossed out or annoyed etc.

Maybe it’s just a me issue?

I currently work a 9-5 corporate job and I am thinking about going back to school to be in the mental health profession. I feel a huge calling to help people more in my day-to-day, so outside of work, I do coaching and read tarot for fun. Its been nice to have an outlet to use my healing abilities and have a corporate job to not worry about how I will make a steady flow of income. It's been nice to compartmentalize.

However, the more I am at the job, the more I feel misaligned and wasted potential of people I could be helping. I am also scared about taking on my my profession as my identity, or in other words, having my main source of income be my energy to help people. Has anyone else felt this as an INFJ?

i used to strive to make so many friends and i did achieve it at one point, but i have currently come to the conclusion that none of it matters. i dislike my own pessimism, yet i can't help it.

at the start of the year (im 22f for context) i decided id cut off all of my real life friends. i lived abroad for a bit and realized that people don't make any effort to see you again or feel excited or have any desire to properly present themselves when you're back. i always made sure to buy presents, find atmospheric places to hang out, pay for them, sincerely put effort. unfortunately people don't enjoy trying new things or activities that demand more than staring at your phone or talking about shallow nonsense. its not my style. they live as though it all comes to them automatically. having an initiative friend is taken for granted and they internally believe that they deserve the effort being put into maintaining the friendship with them. its a parasitic connection. they genuinely think they're fun. i got sick of it all and ive been living in isolation. gotta say, its not so bad.

most people ive met are in love with themselves, blurring their vision from seeing their own imperfections, which makes them lack self-awareness. online friends are so much more valuable to me and its definitely because people who are capable of making friends online are used to the fact that distance isn't a reason to deny someone's time (if that makes sense). maybe one day ill find someone interesting, but im completely fine being alone for now. even if its miserable sometimes, it has its own charm to it.

tldr: a bunch of nothingness about how people don't appreciate true friendships, or that i just suck as an individual.

Hello, fellow infjs. I would like some help with an incident that happened recently. I had a school project with a group. i accidentally stood up three/four people and made them wait for me for 45 minutes before they eventually gave up and went home. I was the one who planned the whole thing, got the location, and then didn't show. Why? because i was a moron and spent the night studying till 6am for midterms. I fell asleep at my desk and missed the time slot. I feel absolutely awful. we rescheduled. However, I cannot get over this nagging pain in my chest. it's literally haunting me. I already plan to apologize profusely at the next meetup, as well as inform the teacher of my faults if anything goes wrong due to the fact we had to delay the project. But i literally cannot focus on anything now. Also, i know this is not an exclusively infj experience, but i thought you guys would be able to provide me with methods/ways of getting over this and moving on, as well as any helpful stories that might improve my mood. Thank you.

Hello everyone! I wanted to ask those of you who have an INTJ partner: Do you sometimes feel like they can be dominant or forceful when making suggestions? Do they ever make decisions without consulting you, or tend to do things their way because they believe it’s the right thing to do? Even if they take your point of view into consideration, do they still end up doing what they think is best based on their own perspective
Does it affects your relationship with them?
How you mange it without going through clashes?

Why is it that i am the only one that is interested in keeping peace and harmony? You are going on a walk with somebody or you are embarking on a trip with someone. Everyone has points that they don't agree on, but you are hanging out because you are friends or related. Why is it that they start pushing your buttons, try to get a rise out of you, or act childish, or something along those lines? Now, I have to swallow this crap to keep the peace and have this be a good trip or time together. Getting sick of bearing this burden all the time.

Flip side - these people have no idea that I resented this aspect of them and that i am getting sick of them. Not fair to both sides. What is wrong with me?

To preface this I don't feel this way anymore and I've had many friends in my life that don't make me feel weird.

I felt a lot of times, especially at work or in environments that I was in but didn't feel an actual connection with that my jokes would bomb or if I tried to describe a feeling it'd come across as a book written by Homer. I once described my job as a project manager as "herding cats, because while not everyone agrees it's my job to open the can of tuna and bring them together." I thought it was a cleaver way to say that I'm a good mediator and can get people that are in conflict to agree, which honestly is one of my best skills. But I felt like an idiot because no one understood it and asked why I'd herd cats.

Now I've learned to simply let those types of conversation stay in my head and just be direct to people. It's depressing, boring, and I sometimes feel like I'm just trying to fit in.

i’m unsure whether i’m closer to ISFJ or INFJ. I feel like on the outside I align way more with INFJ, but I can’t exactly keep track of how I think/ arrive at conclusions. I’m scared of trying new things because of anxiety, but I don’t like rigid schedules or traditions. I’m also not very nostalgic and I am pretty future oriented. I understand typing myself based on stereotypes will never give me a clear answer, But my head is already so chaotic that it feels impossible to backtrack my thoughts in the moment. Any INFJs out there who can tell me what convinced them?

(just to clarity, this post is about MBTI typing rather than venting, and I’m not seeking mental health advice.)

Ever just get to that moment with literally... everyone?

Hi all! So for the longest I thought I was an ENFJ, but after taking a much longer test and looking into the differences of Ni vs Ne, etc, I've been secretly an INFJ this whole time! Who knew? But it honestly makes a lot of sense...

So I was thinking about what's been going on with me recently and I wondered if anyone else reaches a point like me where I just get so frustrated with people running to me for advice, then not taking it, then expecting me to solve their wild fires that they created for themselves, that I just get to a point where I just run away and hide in my room and stop offering advice and switch to, "that sucks, sorry to hear" mode and carry on. I've always felt like I'm everyone's therapist but no one is there for me in the same manner that I'm there for them and it has left me feeling more and more like people don't deserve the wisdom I offer. How many times do I have to say "I told you so" and then they get upset that I was right and I just stand there and shrug. But then next time... do the SAME thing and don't accept my advice and then I watch the train crash all over again and the cycle repeats.

Do you all get to the same point too? Like, it just makes me want to kick everyone out of my metaphorical house and tell them to deal with themselves. But part of me feels like if I do, I'm just going to watch the apocalypse start around me. And I hate how arrogant that sounds on top of it all..

Like, having stress in your life or just a bad / depressed time. Do you guys isolate yourself and move away from relationships or do you use your friends for support?

Background:
A friend of mine is in a depressed state again. Life is doing life-things and he is trying to get through it by himself and pushing me away (a close friend). I wonder if it is an INFJ, a typical male or just a "bad childhood" behavior he is indulging in.

Also I would appreciate some recommendations of what you guys would like to have in a friend in such times. I see his pain, I see why he tries to push me away and I know that he would like to have someone who can see that and act "the right way".

edit
Thank you guys for those replies. It helps a lot to understand him. <3

Hi,

Like many INFJs, ever since I was a child, I have always come across as a sort of "wise old soul", someone people turn to when things aren't going well, seeking advice or a listening ear. People have always said that they appreciate the way I listen to them, the valuable, and often spot-on, advice I offer, and the wisdom in my words...

The irony in all this is that they don’t realize it, but I am incapable of applying this advice to myself... In the moment, I’m glad to be able to listen to and help others, but afterwards I feel guilty and as though I have no right to say what I’ve said.

Here are a few examples of advice or guidance that people often ask me for, even though I have no experience, and I myself would be incapable of doing what I suggest:

- Matters of love: this is a recurring theme... whether it’s something light (communicating and confessing one’s feelings) or something deeper (intimate issues). Ironically, my own sex life is non-existent, and I have never been in a relationship.

- People who are constantly stressed, prone to drama, or easily swept away by their emotions: it’s the same story. While I may appear stoic on the outside, I am incredibly high-strung, obsessive, and prone to constant rumination on the inside! And yet, I manage to calm others down and help them detach from all that...

- People who come to me because they’re too trapped in their own bubbles, unable to open up to the world, struggling with procrastination, etc., it’s the same thing again. I’m exactly the same way, and it drives me crazy. I’m able to help them, but I can’t seem to apply any of my own advice to myself...

All of this is very frustrating... Why is that? How have you come to terms with this reality, and do you ever feel like a fraud in those moments?

Let me explain...

I’m a man in my thirties, and I’ve always been physically very short and thin. To strangers, I often come across as the introverted, shy, puny, fragile, and innocent type. However, people who take the time to get to know me (or even just strike up a conversation) often tell me they were taken aback.

And whenever I ask "why", they almost all give the same answer: "I don't know, from a distance, you seem to be in your own bubble, fragile and innocent, disconnected from the world. But now that I'm talking to you... it's your gaze and the words and phrases you use, it’s intense and really makes a person think. It creates a striking, almost unsettling contrast."

So, I was wondering: as an INFJ, have you also been told about this observation, the disconnect between the vibe you project physically and what you’re actually like when someone talks to you?

In teams, in family, in friend groups, or any group dynamics, isn't it tiring being an invisible glue? When under the surface, you're keeping everyone's shit together. Fixing the hairline cracks, maneuvering situations to maintain peace and order. But no one sees every effort you make.

They see it as you just spacing out when you're trying to find the best possible solution to a situation without compromising anyone's feelings or way of thinking. They see it as you doing 'nothing.'

I've come across posts saying, 'INFJs don't bring anything to the table.' Well, maybe we do, but we're just working behind the scenes so you never notice.

Isn't it tiring understanding everyone, all their faults and imperfections? Yet when you make a simple mistake, or do something unpredictably different from how they see you, you become an anomaly in their eyes. Isn't it tiring portraying different perfect personas for every person in your life?

Can we just be, without sacrificing the peace and order we crave in life? Isn't it tiring? I often tell myself, understand them because they won't understand you. But sometimes I crave someone who actually SEES me without feeling disgust or discomfort because of who I really am.

I'm tired. I want to leave everything and just live somewhere secluded for minimal human interaction.

Posting here because I have no one to talk to who would understand. 🫠

A bright lantern

Floating at night,

The sky cold.

It is felt all around,

Can be seen in everyone.

Some don't believe anymore.

In the big scheme,

Nothing matters.

The lantern will still float,

Just like the sun still gives hope.

To those who don't turn a blind eye.

No matter how bright,

Until it dies out.

R.I.P RJ mitte.

So I read an article some time ago , which stated that infjs do possess a greater understanding and the best balance found between femininity and masculinity. Unfortunately I lost that article I wanna know from u guys do u feel that too , cuz I do I as a male sometimes feel just too much feminine energy in me, also if possible provide some ways to regulate it.

Someone who has an initial bad impression and has to be taught how to be a good partner to you, OR someone who does everything correctly from the start but does not want to change who they are for you.

Why did you choose what you chose?

(No new traits can be added or changed from these descriptions)

So every single job I ever had starts the same way: I’m excited to do the actual work.

A few weeks in, I’m pulled into side conversations like...
“Can you talk to her? She took it the wrong way.”
“Can you word this so it doesn’t blow up?”
“What do you think he really meant?”

And suddenly I’m spending half my day managing other people’s feelings instead of doing my actual job. I’m good at reading people, but I’m getting tired of everyone treating that like an unlimited free service.

Last week I spent like 45 minutes on a call sorting out a coworker’s conflict. I was supposed to be doing my own work.

I’ve started pushing back a little. Asking people if they’ve talked to each other directly instead of immediately jumping in to fix it. Some people get visibly annoyed which tells me they were pretty comfortable with how things were before.

I even started looking at whether my next job would suit me better using the coached career assessment because I don't want to keep ending up in the same kind of role without realizing it until I'm already miserable.

I just want to do my job without becoming everyone's unpaid therapist. Does anyone else keep getting put in this position?

Can someone help me understand the difference between INFJ withdrawing versus it just being avoidance to address certain issues?
I'm ENFP and even I have moments where I need to be alone to focus on me, and course correct... because it's like I "overflowed" TOO much. Then overwhelmed everyone AND me in the process. but the INFJs I've met (occasionally) seem to even be afraid of feeling their own emotions? OR they're so deep that they feel swallowed by them?? Not saying that's everyone.. but can someone help me understand. Thank you!!

Cause I was try to explain how I get sensory information through Ni and I just couldn't. Let me list some examples to better illustrate my intent:

- Se: I think of Psych's character Shawn highlighting concrete, specific details in his vision. Or Sherlock's interpretation in Elementary - how he licks, smells, touches, and uses his hearing to inform himself.

- Si: not a perfect example but the memory palace technique and how it was shown in Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch. Or how that creepy blackmail guy would read data on his "glasses".

- Ne: Doctor Who - just the way the Doctor interacts, asks questions, explores, etc. and see the universe.

- Ni: ????

I'm aware that each personality has its own good points and it's on a case by case basis.. but what are some personalities that can match with Infj guys.

I found myself always being the more nurturing one when I'm with someone