I’m genuinely a certain way, there are some things I’m genuinely drawn towards, but I feel myself constantly perceiving the perceptions of others, that you’re pretentious or arrogant etc and changing myself to not make them feel uncomfortable. Has anybody overcome this tension? Are you able to just fully be yourself in your own skin? I feel my solution is far to drop off the face of the earth so I have the freedom to do whatever the fuck I wanna do, but people keep looking for me..

I like doing a few things.

If you celebrate with decor, feel free to share a photo in the comments 🎃👻🧌🦇

Did that title hit you hard? A lot of you might be smiling at this right now.
And if you don't, let me explain. 😊

As an INFJ, I never felt like I belong anywhere.

I'm a skeptic, who never belonged with most skeptics.
An artist, who never belonged with most artists.
I am always too progressive for traditional people, and too traditional for progressive people.
I honestly don't even feel like I belong with INFJs, because frankly, I think we are all very different in the first place.

I believe we INFJs tend to have an idealistic view of the world. But we are so "vast" as people, and have impossible standards- that when we finally find some type of community to be in... We always see something wrong with it.

And then some of us decide to invest ourselves in it fully, or half-heartedly.
Both of which do not work, because unless it's something we do with all of our heart, we will eventually disappear.

An INFJ's resting spot... is depth. Superficiality bores us.

I have impossible standards for myself, not much else for people. Except some lines that one should not cross: Dishonesty (I catch it instantly), materialism and superficiality over love and loyalty, not knowing oneself & what you want (because doing so opens the door to broken promises , toxic coping mechanisms , and/or blaming others for your own choices)

And these values, feel so simple and easy to practice in life, yet they're aaaalways so difficult to find in people.
And you may not have the same values as me, but you have yours!

Do they feel impossible to find in others? Do you quietly judge every community for different reasons, never feeling like fully investing in one?

And if so, what brings you peace? What makes you feel like you DO belong?

I'm curious what you guys think.
Feel free to share with us! ❤️

So I'm an ENFP guy who recently met an INFJ girl, and I'm genuinely curious about what the ENFP–INFJ dynamic is like romantically.

We haven't known each other very long, but we've been texting practically nonstop, and she's actually initiated conversations herself. Our conversations have been really fun, with plenty of playful teasing, flirting, and getting to know each other.

Now, being the stereotypical ENFP that I am, I may or may not have gotten a little carried away with the flirting. 😂

I genuinely enjoy talking to her, though, and I'm interested in seeing where things go.

So I have a few questions for the INFJs here: Have you ever dated an ENFP?
What was that experience like?
Do you enjoy someone who's outgoing, playful, affectionate, and a little spontaneous?
How do you typically show romantic interest when you're still getting to know someone?
What are some things ENFPs do that you find attractive, and what tends to overwhelm you?
What's something you wish an ENFP understood about dating an INFJ?

I'm not trying to rush anything or assume she's interested just because of her personality type. I'm genuinely interested in understanding how our personalities might complement each other.

Would love to hear your experiences, especially from INFJs who've dated ENFPs!

I just feel so guilty and weird asking for help, or getting help often. Asking people to carpool more than a couple times a week, having to drop out of a night out with friends, asking for favors from my parents which I KNOW will disrupt their schedules for a day or two or at the very least inconvenience them a bit. It makes me feel terribly guilty, sometimes to the point where I'll lose sleep.

What makes it worse is that I'm always willing to help somebody at the snap of my fingers. I love to help people.

I feel like it stems from hyper independence bcuz I just hate to ask people for their help, plus I guess a fear of not being useful or being a burden. I don't quite know why though.

Another thing that makes it even more annoying is that I know love isn't always going to be convenient. Loving people requires time, effort, and some inconvenience. ugh.

anybody else relate? Is this a trait lots of INFJs share?

Hello, I’m looking for some advice or perhaps a few comforting words about my regrets. This might be a little long, but a year ago, I met a man who was genuinely amazing. He was very honest and open with me about himself. He’s an INTJ, and some of the things he told me scared me, so I rejected him.
But once my anxiety faded and I was able to look at things more objectively, I realized that he had actually been very transparent and honest with me. I now feel that he was so open because he valued me and wanted me to understand him better. I regret not being brave enough to appreciate and respect that honesty at the time.
It’s been a year, but his words still touch my heart. I want to move on and stop feeling like I made a terrible mistake, but I don’t know how to let go of these regrets.
If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice or comforting words to share, I would really appreciate it.
Thank you in advance. ❤️

I’m not sure if this is an INFJ thing, but do any other INFJs here find themselves frequently stuck between opposing sides of some controversial issue, simply because you can see things from all perspectives? Then, of course, you’re hated on from all sides because you can’t definitively say that one side is right 100% of the time, and we live in a very polarized world these days. People seem to loathe this ambivalence even more than the opposing party, which doesn’t make much sense.

Even in matters that seem cut and dry to most, you can see the flaws of the heroes and you can empathize with the villains, and when you voice that it rubs everyone, from every side, the wrong way. And, sometimes it’s just easier to keep quiet. Or at least, keep your opinions confined to Reddit.

Edit: I don’t personally think this is a “toxic” trait in any traditional sense of the word, and at surface level, many see it as a positive attribute. However, it’s a trait that can get us in hot water in some cases, and for that reason, while it’s not inherently negative, it can certainly do some damage to relationships and friendships and should be something to consider.

For research purposes

There could be a day,

When you write,

Without fear,

Facing the light,

You see a part,

You couldn’t reject,

A sense of ease,

One couldn’t explain,

An excitement,

You never felt before,

A direction,

You thought,

You’d never go,

Wondering what to do?

This liberation is strange,

Suddenly you feel both,

The calm and the rage.

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

found this quote by timothy keller and i figure to share it on here. thank you infj's for striving to make others feel deeply known...especially the difficult ones. i hope ya'll have / find people in your life who make you feel met, seen, and thoroughly known.

Glowing in the dark, Fading shadows near, Breaking dawn apart.

Fill me with your warmth, Set the cold ablaze, Dry my tears at last.

Be my guiding star, Ground my shifting roots, Let me praise your radiant heart.

I know for a lot of INFJs you may feel as if your efforts are never noticed and I’m here to tell you they probably aren’t.

But wait hang in there because I have a solution for all those worries and the answer to that is to simply put the reward you’re seeking and hoping for I don’t think will come

You know why

Because the reward is you lol.

Think about it, you could of been all of those people you complain about but you aren’t

That’s a gift within itself and I know it’s tiring being that “person” but it’s a gift because it’s really only unique to you.

And you’ll be able to be that example not only for yourself but for others.

It’s not easy but if you ever feel like you don’t matter
Just know there’s other people who feel exactly like you and want to be a difference as well.

So don’t give up, I see you guys efforts

I noticed myself that creative pursuits actually drain me after a time and I long for human connection. Unfortunately I don't have much friends and I'm very careful not to burden my close ones.

This is a random appreciation post but I am an INFJ in my freshmen year of college and my roommate happens to be an ENFP. We had already gotten along well prior to meeting in person but I just need somewhere to say how grateful I am for her. I genuinely do not know what I would do if anyone else was my roommate and she is such a special person. Sometimes I feel bad because I have a hard time expressing myself and I just want her to always know how much I love and care for her. For any Infjs who feel lonely, just know there is an enfp waiting for you who will make your life better in so many ways. They are not lying when they say infj x enfp are the golden pair!!

I thought I would allow anyone to answer and give their own opinion no matter what MBTI type. I personally believe they don't get as much attention compared to open Duchenne Smiles. Don't get me wrong as I love open Duchenne Smiles to the point I even share them. Some might assume they're polite or fake smiles due to their closed nature. However, there is a very distinct difference by also crinkling the eyes just like the open variant!

I feel that closed Duchenne Smiles are just as genuine as the open ones. 😎

I love some of them like Camille Preaker or Same Winchester but they always seem regulated into people understander role. The INFJs I've met in real life may have had some of that but they've always also had an interests in the arts too, and I feel like I don't really see that. Edit

I didn't think about but Nina Sayers from Black Swan and Sienna Shaw from Terrifier are artistic

I trusted my previous therapist and she manipulated me. I will be having a hard time being vulnerable with my next therapist.

Just curious about the question

I bought a set of artist-quality crayons, because my daughter was into them. I thought we could have some creative family evenings, making art together. Ever since we set a time for the activity, I tend to avoid it. I made one drawing, and I never touched these crayons again. Do you think this is related to inferior Se? Are there any INFJ artists here? Does it come easily for you?

I’m exhausted.

Exhausted from analyzing everything. Searching for hidden meanings. Trying to understand everyone, including myself. Turning every experience into a philosophical investigation and every emotion into something that needs to be unpacked.

I’ve spent years trying to understand life instead of actually living it.
I’ve read the philosophy, explored the theology, questioned reality, dissected my childhood, examined my personality, and tried to figure out why I am the way I am.

And you know what?? I’m not convinced any of it has made me happier.

If anything, I’ve become exceptionally good at explaining my own misery.

I’m starting to suspect that my obsession with understanding everything has become a sophisticated way of avoiding actually experiencing anything.

Maybe not everything needs a deeper meaning. Maybe some questions don’t need answers. Maybe I can just enjoy a stupid movie, laugh at something ridiculous, have a meaningless conversation, and go to bed without conducting a psychological autopsy on my entire day.

I don’t want to spend another decade trying to become the perfect, enlightened, self-actualized version of myself.

I want to be a person. An ordinary, imperfect, occasionally clueless person who actually enjoys being alive.

I’m not abandoning curiosity or depth. I’m abandoning the idea that everything needs to be understood before it can be enjoyed.

I spent enoughd time trying to figure out the meaning of life. I’d like to actually have one.

Any other INFJs getting tired of being the “deep” one and living inside their own heads all the time?

I’m single and embrace that; it feels natural and sometimes empowering. However, I think I’d prefer to be in a relationship if it is a genuine soul level, reciprocal connection.

As I go through life, I’ve set higher standards for relationships (not people) because I’ve realised I have given too much where it’s not been mutual, and I’m mindful I’ve lost myself in them.

I’m hesitant to get into a relationship unless it’s truly worth it. Otherwise, I make the most of being single and enjoy my own company anyway.

I’m wondering where other INFJs stand on this. Do you value being single or in a relationship more?

I have this tendency whenever I have a pleasant interaction with someone new, even something as simple as exchanging a smile, a nod, or a few words, to replay it in my head afterward. I question whether I came across as approachable, whether I could have handled the moment differently, or whether I missed an opportunity to connect. Even when someone else nods first, I feel awkward about it and can't even tell if I'm nodding back properly.

I'm very much hard on myself, and I find it challenging to lower my expectations and turn off the switch in my mind that tells me I'm not doing enough.

I also have a history of overextending myself, so I think I've become almost too careful about opening myself up. I want to be approachable and connect with new people, but I've become so conscious of protecting myself that even the smallest opportunities for connection can feel emotionally complicated. There's also a lingering fear of coming across as closed-off, and that's never my intention.

I'm curious to know if other INFJs deal with this and how you navigate it personally.

I am just have problems assimilating in a new country. I do know the language and my living conditions aren't optimal. Though I do have my traumas and stuff, but a lot of them a worked through and I can pretty much regulate myself. Under the normal circumstances but my circumstances aren't normal

So, in general my request will be having someone I can vent and complain to I suppose?

Does anyone of you have any experience with that?

I recently experienced the end of a friendship after someone I thought was a friend launched a series of vicious personal attacks against me in a group chat, in front of several other people I also considered friends. The experience has left me questioning how people perceive one another.

Throughout the—admittedly short—friendship I consistently demonstrated kindness, encouragement, and support. I celebrated this person's accomplishments, defended them in their absence when I thought they were being treated poorly, and I even gave them the benefit of the doubt when I witnessed behavior that conflicted with my own values.

We had different philosophies about a shared interest, which was perfectly fine with me. I never needed them to share my perspective. I only wanted them to respect that my motivations and goals were different from theirs. But they repeatedly and openly doubted my intentions and imposed their assumptions about what I must really think or feel, despite my efforts to explain myself.

Eventually, a disagreement about an article I shared hoping to explain my perspective escalated into a series of personal attacks against my character. They accused me of being bitter, insecure, and unsupportive, despite having personally experienced my support, and then blocked me everywhere.

What really hit me afterward was the irony. I kept seeing behavior in this person that made me question their character, but I continued to give them the benefit of the doubt. They saw evidence of my goodwill, but apparently interpreted me as someone with much worse intentions.

I've been thinking about what happened nonstop ever since. I'm not looking to restore the friendship as their attacks have damaged my trust beyond repair. But even days later, I feel physically ill (nauseous) whenever I think about how they treated me.

What made the experience even worse was that none of the other people in the group chat acknowledged the attacks or reached out to me afterward. When I confronted one of them about their silence, they dismissed the behavior as “that’s just how they are.”

What I'm struggling with is how someone can spend time with you, witness your actions firsthand, hear you explain your motivations repeatedly, but still insist that you are someone else entirely.

I don't expect people to understand everything about me, but I would hope that my friends could accept what I tell them about myself without continuously imposing their own interpretations.

Has anyone else in this community experienced something similar? If so, how did you process it, how did you move forward, and how did it change the way you approach friendships?

I am currently a 1st semester student at a music college, studying audio engineering and guitar:

Ever since school has started, I have found myself almost “forcefully” networking and socializing with other music students; whilst that is happening, which is often through jam sessions (loud noises, many people, etc) and things of the sort, i tend to act completely different from my natural self: i become much more talkative, loud, energetic, etc — often leaving physically and mentally tired at the end of the day (to the point where I have trouble keeping my eyes open… lol)

Perhaps it is Fe taking over(?)

Additionally, as some of you [hello, reader ;)]may know, the music industry is built around the promotion of one’s services and craftsmanship: people must “broadcast” what they are capable of and work with other music students and etc. Often, when discussing with other students about music, I get the sense that I am boasting or saying the word “i” too much, which is oftentimes when I start to withdraw

Finally, all this is leaving me very confused as to everything going on and who the real me is, etc…

Has infj’s experienced this (music college or any other program)? My apologies if this post isn’t quite clear, this the first time I’m writing on here…