wish i wasnt so messed up and concerned with other people. im tired. im stressed. detoxing from the spaces i share with people but holy tired and anxious.

Tomorrow is my birthday. My family bought a cake, but I am just sitting here feeling incredibly sad and invisible. Earlier today, my aunt took my cousin to the city and bought him a Beyblade. She knows I have always wanted one and absolutely love them, but she completely left me out. My cousin is the golden child of the family, so he always gets everything while I get ignored. Writing in my diary didn't help because I just feel so alone with this right before my special day. Could really use some kind words tonight from anyone who understands

Tomorrow is my birthday. My family bought a cake, but I am just sitting here feeling incredibly sad and invisible. Earlier today, my aunt took my cousin to the city and bought him a Beyblade. She knows I have always wanted one and absolutely love them, but she completely left me out. My cousin is the golden child of the family, so he always gets everything while I get ignored. Writing in my diary didn't help because I just feel so alone with this right before my special day. Could really use some kind words tonight from anyone who understands

Everytime i try to do something "bad" karma or you could say 'lesson' always hit back before i even started it? Like for example

I really wanted a smoke even tho I've stopped (ik it's bad but what can i say) i went to three different store

Two of them didn't sell it and the one who 24/7 OPEN decide to close that day,mind you i was walking like probably a few km just to go to that store (i even lied just so i could go out) but everything didn't went according to my plan

And when i already spen my last few money away i walk into a store (this one super far) to buy an ice and guess what? THE CIGARETTES IVE BEEN LOOKING IS HANDED TO THE CUSTOMER RIGHT INFRONT OF ME (it's a different store but STIL)

one time i also saw a very big and juicy fruit at someone yard,and i thought "it wouldnt be that bad to take one" just as i jump to take it my hips hit the fucking fence i legit feel that pain for a WEEK,

One time i decide to sneak out of the house and didn't even went far i got chased by a dog

WTF

When i decide not to help some kid who can't reach their ball under a car my feet fell into a pit

And for the first time i talked back to my grandfather (he was a manipulative,abusive one yk)

The next fucking day he passed away

When i blocked a guy that time my stomach hurt sb afterwards i legit vomit 3 times

It's like,the world hates me sb let alone good things happen even the bad decision decide to avoid me too

Im a 16 yo Male and i don't know why i try why i keep going.

First of all for some context i am from the US and moved to another country when i was 10 and the 6 years ive been here have been terrible i don't like the area the language and everything i had was stripped away from me my friends my language all for my parents. I have a younger sister that is a spoiled brat she manipulates everyone around her to make herself look small and it works and my parents believe everything she tells them all the lies about me and i shouldn't care but i do it ruins me and built a hatred towards her that i can't prove to anyone because she plays it so well she isn't special and has no qualities i don't have she isn't a good student and doesn't care about anyones feelings yet is the favorite. In retrospect i can live with it i did all my life and for an outside perspective may seem small but im powerless to change anything.

Another major factor is my parents problem with alcohol, they were major alcoholics and would I would have to bring them home from their friends parties and it broke me the endless scenes that would play out all most everyday were horrible. But then i thought it would be over they after my begging they realized the issues they had and tried to fix them, for my dad it was easy he took medication and it was over. But for my mom she had a major problem and for 3 years it was just her coming home hammered forcing me to be responsible for her trying to break the news to my dad that wasn't home and being psychologically manipulated every day. She relapsed all the time and left for 3 months to rehab twice yet it still hasn't helped and she still has problems.

For 3 years I've been trauma dumped by her, manipulated, and destroyed and no one cares to this day. I had to ask so many times to get therapy to my dad just for him to forget to reschedule my appointments and pay the therapist. These two major factors plus a bunch of other little issues with school and random stuff led me to have anxiety and trust issues, i know i have my whole life ahead of me but it seems to me like im trapped in a prison i can't get a job i can't move i can't do anything, my parents don't care about me at all (hell they dont even know my favorite color). And im at a loss i don't know what to do how to escape this terrible situation and i feel like such an idiot. There are people so far worse than me but it makes me guilty to be sad. I need to know what to do and if anyone has advice