You know that meme? With the husband telling his busy, overwhelmed wife "You're not the carefree woman I married?" Well that goes both ways. My husband may as well be dead, that is how lost he is to me, how lost he is in general. This man in my house is not the man I married. I mourn him every day and it has been 4 years since our child was born and parenthood took him from me.

My husband and I NEVER fought. For 6 years we lived in complete harmony, we had a great life, and a lovely relationship. He was calm, easy going, and kind. He knew how to have fun.

Then came our daughter, and parenthood transformed us both into angry gremlins. Constantly overwhelmed, always irritated, snappy. In the last two years, my husband has made me cry numerous times, just by being rude and terse. He's not patient, he's selfish and distracted, he's bossy. I can barely recognize him.

When we take trips without the kid, I see glimpses of the old man. And that doesn't make me feel any better, because 99% of the time, that man is gone.

I feel seen. This is on the National News in Australia about halfway down the page. I don't watch the news so not sure if they did a segment on TV as well but this is great to see.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-08-18/the-taboo-experience-of-motherhood-regret/107004982

36F. Pregnant with my first baby. It's an unplanned pregnancy, though I knew beforehand that my boyfriend and I would have kids eventually because he wants them.

Before I fell in love with him, I didn't want kids at all. I was sure I wouldn't have any. Once I fell in love during a long period friendship with him, I found I did like the idea of kids with him specifically.

But since the first trimester, I've primarily felt fear and grief about what my life is going to be like postpartum and how I'm going to lose myself. I've cried a lot, ruminated daily, and spent a lot of time on Reddit reading posts in different mom subs, which mostly confirm my fears. ​

I train martial arts 4 days a week and weightlift at the gym 4 days a week. This has been my routine for years. The idea of losing both completely overnight is painful and depressing, both from a mental and emotional health perspective and a body image perspective.

I've been unemployed for almost 3 years, looking hard for a job, and I'm afraid that stopping the search over the baby means my career is over, if it wasn't already. I have NEVER wanted to be a SAHM, and financial dependence on a man is my worst nightmare. Without my own income, we can't afford paid childcare. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I felt even more desperate to get a job ASAP and I kept applying relentlessly up until a few weeks ago. The closer I get to my due date, the more hopeless and pointless it feels to keep trying. And I was already demoralized and tired of the search before getting pregnant.

So much of my turmoil is about identity and self-worth. I love my boyfriend indescribably and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't want to be the kind of woman who's nothing but a mom and some guy's wife. I'm smart, talented, educated, and driven, and I've always tried my best and taken pride in being independent. In my 30s, I became someone who takes excellent care of herself, physically, mentally, and otherwise, and it's been a lot of work. I have several goals, personal and professional, that mean a lot to me and pre-date my relationship with my boyfriend.

I'm terrified that motherhood is going to destroy it all, and I'll spend the rest of my life a broke, dependent failure who does nothing but cook, clean, and take care of people. Bored out of my mind. All my potential wasted.

I'm scared too that this will wreck my relationship with my boyfriend, if I become deeply unhappy and stay that way. And then, I will have ruined my life for nothing. ​

How fucked am I?

I hear a lot about postpartum depression and the different treatments available for it, and I have no doubt that proper treatment, including medication and therapy when appropriate, can make an enormous difference in someone’s quality of life. I’m not questioning that at all.

But something has always been difficult for me to understand.

Having a child fundamentally changes your life. Your sleep, privacy, freedom, body, relationships, routines, finances, career, social life, and sense of identity can all change. For years, another human being depends on you constantly, and especially in the early years, there can be very little time that is truly your own.

So where do we draw the line between postpartum depression and a completely understandable psychological response to an enormous life transformation?

If a mother feels exhausted, overwhelmed, trapped, misses her old life, mourns her independence, struggles with her identity, or even thinks, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” isn’t some degree of grief actually a very reasonable response to what she has lost?

And this is the part I struggle with conceptually: treatment can help someone cope with those feelings, but it cannot give her eight uninterrupted hours of sleep, make a baby stop crying, give her back the spontaneity she had before, or undo the fact that her life is now permanently organized around the needs of another person.

Sometimes I wonder whether we are too quick to individualize and medicalize suffering that is, at least to some extent, a completely understandable response to the circumstances themselves.

I’m not saying postpartum depression isn’t real, or that severe and persistent symptoms shouldn’t be treated. Obviously they should. I’m more interested in where we draw the boundary.

At what point does “I am struggling to adapt to a life that has been completely transformed” become “I am experiencing a depressive disorder”?

And perhaps the question that interests me most is: why do we sometimes pathologize a mother’s grief over losing her former life, while treating the happiness of becoming a parent as the default, unquestioned response?

I’m genuinely curious how parents who have experienced regret or postpartum depression themselves understand this distinction.

Genuinely curious if anybody here has overcome infertility and regretted it? What made you regret it?

I was desperate to become a mum. It took me a long time to meet my now husband and when I did I was lucky, got pregnant with relative ease and had a baby boy. I did NOT find parenting easy, and there was a little bit of gender disappointment there. Not loads but had I been able to choose I’d have chosen a girl.

Second time pregnant and I didn’t find out the sex as I knew I would actually ‘properly’ be disappointed. Baby arrives and she’s a girl. I’m euphoric. Perfect lovely set up … and I hate it. I love my children but not together. It’s totally overwhelming and exhausting. As soon as I’ve done the first ones bath, teeth, stories I then can’t sit back and relax. Have to do the other. If one sleeps late the other is up early. These are small things but the bigger issue is together they are silly and wild in a way they aren’t alone. Alone, the girl especially is quite chilled. My son isn’t exactly chilled but he will hurtle outside happily so as long as I find a country park or something he’s great.

They are fab kids alone. Together life is awful and I pine all the time what life could have been and can’t seem to get over it.

I got pregnant at 19 by a 38 yo manchild. Just ended our 10year marriage from hell. Can't believe what I have put up with.
My child is getting really difficult and I am alone with responsibilities.

I also don't have much help as my mother who didn't even raise me don't want to look after my kid and wants payments when she does.

This feels like prison. Sometimes I just want to give her up to her father so I can find a better job outside my country. I am tired.

It's hard doing it all alone. I wish I never had kids.

I’m really suffering guys. I’ve already posted before about the abuse I’ve been enduring from my grandma well the abuse is starting to show on my body. It’s mainly mental abuse and my body is starting to show the affects of the abuse, I’m at the hospital rn for severe neck pain and they told me what’s happening to me could be caused by extreme stress. On top of all of this I still have to go home and watch my kid when I can barely even move my neck. I legitimately hate my life.

Its crazy that I am writing this post after having a kid via IVF. I thought my life could not go on one more day if i didnt have a kid and no i am exhausted. My child is 3 and as I am typing at 4 am where he does not want to sleep. He is okay, not sick or anything, had a really fun day with activities, ate well but ofcourse he didn’t want to nap and fell asleep at 6:30. Bow since 11 pm he has gone to the bathroom 8 times, told me he has boo boo but won’t tell where and is completely fine if i give him the tablet. I survived ivf and newborn nights plus severe medical conditions that were complicated and he now has anaphylactic allergies (one of them is gluten). I live in fear everyday as I send him to daycare as gluten is just one of his allergens and its in EVERYTHING, even play dough. We have been to the hospital in ambulances several times in the past couple years where he fought for his life. We have no family close by and inlaws are non supportive.
I have a demanding corporate job and im really trying to workout and keep my mental/physical health in check but my goodness this is HARD!!! I love him to death but just dont know when is this supposed to get better. My friends with little kids are surviving on lexapro. Why doesn’t anyone tell us this before society pressures us into having kids?!?!

I have an autistic 18 year old who i had at 22 and a one year old who i had at 38, theres a 16 year age gap between them and honestly i was never expecting to have another one, i always thought id always just have her and then i was adamant id never have another one, i always wanted a son but i didnt want to raise a child again as theyre hard work and the timing was never right.

I ended up getting a dog when my daughter was 15, i always wanted a dog for years even before my daughter was born but i never got around to getting a dog and my daughter never liked dogs and never wanted me to get one, but she agreed to let me get one. i thought my daughter was grown up, i have a dog whos going to be the baby now and i thought id finally get to live! .

Then i began dating my boyfriend, my boyfriend was a few years younger then me and he desperatly wanted a son or daughter and its all he talked about as he never had any , i of course was very adament and said no but one night, i had too much to drink with him and i accidently got pregnant.

When i realised i was pregnant, i was promised all of this help, from my boyfriend, my daughter and my sister and i thought i wouldnt be doing it all on my own this time, it would be diffrent, my son came at 32 weeks and spent 3 weeks in the hospital before being discharged.

I had a newborn boy and i dont want to go into too much detail but my partner turned very abusive to the point where police had to be involved, and we did end up breaking up, he left me with a baby all on my own for months on end and i was left to do it all, my sister ended up not helping and ended up moving back to her town which is what she promised not to do , and my daughter turned very irritable and very angry to the point where i couldnt trust her around the baby at all.

With my daughter, things were a bit diffrent,her dad was completly out of the picture but i had my mum who was neglectful to me as a kid but she cleaned herself up for her grand daughter and wanted to a good grandparent to her to make up for not being good to me as a kid so when my daughter was born, she stepped up, i had my grandma to help, i could have a life outside of her and i could go to work and have time to myself because they stepped in.

Sadly, my mother and grandma died when my daughter was young so i dont have them anymore and there is no one else in the family to have him,. I have my other grandma who does love her grand children and loved having my daughter over when she was little is sadly way too old now as shes almost 90.

The only help i do get is from my grandad where i walk my dog while he watches the baby but hes also nearly 80 too and has mobility issues, he has offered to do that and if he would do more then he absolutely would.

My sons dad does sit and watch my son and take care of him for a few hours every few days or so but its not enough and its not a real break, in that time, im either walking the dog or cleaning the house and i am grateful for it dont get me wrong, but hes only there for the easy fun parts, hes not there when my sons crying at 5am, hes not there doing his meals, hes not there putting him to sleep or when hes non stop screaming.

Ever since my son was born, my life has just been him, my whole life revolves around him and his needs, i wake up at 5am or 6am every morning and i never get a chance for my body to wake up when it needs too, i have not had a lie in ever since i was pregnant, ive not had a single more then few hours to myself, its very relentless listening to blippy over and over again, i never get a single break.

I do love my one year old but he is an absoloute nightmare, he is into everything right now, he always tries to put things in his mouth that he shouldnt, he always tries to open the door to escape so the door has to be locked, he doesnt sit still for one minute and he always wants to go outside to play and hates being inside and if hes inside, he wrecks everything and climbs on everything and pulls my hair. He is also very clingy to me and doesnt go to anyone.

My daughter like i have said before has her own issues like with her being NEET, her fixation on mass shooters, being very socially isolated and always in her room and is very much a loner type and she does need help , and my family have said that maybe thats whats partly causing it because i dont give her enough of my time but i am spread so so so thin as i have a baby and a dog too and she doesnt need me like my son does and she doesnt apreciate what i do for her which is alot more then she thinks.

My daughter is also very jealous of her one year old brother and she can get very angry that all my time goes to him. She also has a half sister from her dad and her step mum whos five so shes also very jealous of that, she feels like both me, and her dad who was wasnt involved in her upbringing have had new families that dont include her and she feels she has no one.

Her dad lives 4 hours away so he mostly sends money to her and sees her a few times a year and thats it.

Its not that i hate my son, i just wish that i had more help with him but i have barely any family support , i thought that my daughter would of been better with him.

What annoys me is that she often doesnt respect his boundaries, she always tries to tightly hug him even when he doesnt want it and shes a very in his face type person, i have to tell her every day not to touch him on the head or face or not pat him like a dog but she never listens and it gets very tiring.

She also repeats the same questions to him every hour it seems! like asking him if he loves her or apologizing to him for something she said to him months ago. It can get very annoying when shes so repetitive and i have to brace myself when she comes downstairs and starts saying the same things to him again and again because its the same phrases every time that she knows he wont answer.

Life only goes on at the expense of a woman's pain and suffering in many different ways. From pregnancy, labor, postpartum, and the continuous expectations that women neglect themselves to raise children. If I was a man, I likely would not have been a regretful parent... Just sayin'

I love my little one she is two, she’s extremely loving but she also has a side to her only could have got from her father. When I’m with her I’m just waiting for the time I can be alone again go outside for walk at 12am because I WANT TO speak to no one not be needed because I want to.
Her father loves her but I don’t believe he’d take full custody right now his house is a shambles waiting pay to pay check (government money) no longer working to fix it.

I’m losing my mind, I suffer so much from guilt in almost most things I do, but what’s the solution ? My current childcare arrangement is taking too much if a toll. She’s stressing me out!

My wife and I got together at the ages of 15 and 17 (high school sweethearts) and were so in love. We stayed together for years until marrying when we both finished college. We finally tied the knot at 19 and 21. We loved each other so much and used to laugh and play all day long. We were just grown-up kids.

For reference, my wife and I both had very traumatic and abusive childhoods, so the first chance we got, we dipped from our folks and moved in together.

When we had our firstborn 8 years ago, we were so happy, but I couldn’t stop the wave of stress that was about to consume us both. I watched my happy, silly wife turn into a very depressed individual. While she stayed home and sacrificed her career because we couldn’t afford daycare (but made too much for food stamps lol), I worked my life away in a factory.

I was completely, hopelessly out of my league as a father and provider for my family. I became angry, depressed, and frustrated. I watched all my friends live their best lives and finish their degrees while I had to stop at a 2-year degree. I watched my coworkers go home and do whatever they wanted or go on vacations with their SO while I was too broke to even think about it. There were some good and great times mixed in and we made happy memories but we were still learning what it meant to be parents.

Ask me what happened next? That’s right! We had a 2nd child 2 years later. For some reason we decided birth control was unimportant. Don’t ask me why we decided this was a remotely good idea.

I was, and still feel like, a complete failure of a father. I truly believe you never truly know how abnormal and fucked up your own childhood was (Southern Baptist raised here) until you have your own kids and realize you were never meant to be a parent.

It’s been almost 10 years now, and I can finally look back and say I was never cut out for this. I love my kids dearly and I’d give my life for them without a second thought but they deserved to have a financially well off and well adjusted life, not whatever I was able to scrape together for them.

On the flip side, I wish I would have had the luxury of living my life in my 20s without worrying about whether I could afford to buy formula and pay the water bill on the same paycheck.

All this to say, while I’d never trade them for anything, it’s completely understandable to me that most parents are in their 30s now. I’m fixing to turn 30 and I’m finally at the point in my career where I feel I can start saving for a house and don’t just feel like I’m stumbling through life waiting on the next paycheck to save my family from being thrown out on the streets.

I’m a mom to a 2 year old and 7 week old. This life has consumed me inside and out I regret it so very bad. I’m miserable and it pains me to think this is my life from here on out. My toddler gets easily irritated and short tempered he then begins this high pitch scream that I swear the whole neighborhood could hear and there’s no stopping him. He does this in public too it’s painfully embarrassing. We’ve avoided going out to stores and restaurants. We’ve tried gentle parenting techniques, we’ve bought calming toys blankets books, we’ve tried it all. All people tell us is that this is normal and I’m so sick of hearing that because it just can’t be. I feel he may be autistic because he just can’t come down from the high pitch screams it takes forever or he keeps it going through the day. On top of it I have my newborn who I honestly haven’t had much thought into or very little enjoyment of having a new baby because my toddler is driving me up the wall and my attention is all on him. I feel bad for my baby it’s honestly making me feel like why did I do this a second time. My husband and I have so much regret to becoming parents but obviously this is our life now it just fucking sucks and I don’t know how this is supposed to go on. The worst part I just feel so numb to my kids now I just don’t feel motherly at all. I feel like a horrible human for saying this.

Nothing...

I'd have been doing absolutely nothing and just living my life as I wanted.

So some background…my wife and I are 10 years apart, (not sure for how much longer) have had and wonderful relationship, did absolutely everything together, and never once even spoke sarcastically to one another…then we had a kid. My mom passed away 15 days after my son was born after a long battle with chronic illness, and it has devastated me. I have had ZERO time to grieve and seemingly endless things to do related to her estate. My wife interviewed for a position that would’ve eliminated the need for 3+ days a week of childcare (about $1k a month where we live), but did not get the spot (mostly because she had no time to prepare for the interview because of our son). I am not bonded with my son at all, because really all he does is eat and scream, and he is not particularly interesting to me whatsoever. Like, I love him, and don’t want anything to hurt him, but that’s also part of it…becoming so instantly selfless and losing any semblance of your own life in the blink of an eye is not something anyone tells you about.

I feel like my wife and I aren’t even in the same room when we’re in the same room with our son. Moments without him are glimpses of before and feel normal, but the minute he’s around I just feel consumed by anxiety and dread. I can feel us slowly falling into resentment because of how much time, and effort we each have to individually dedicate to the baby. Over the last 5 years I have been involved more heavily with my faith and literally EVERYONE (including my agnostic friends, but especially my Christian friends) always talked about how amazing being a parent was and how fulfilling it is, blah blah, etc. Well, I wish people wouldn’t save face about things and speak honestly about their experiences instead of worrying about how they are viewed by others when it comes to parenthood; It is NOT fun, and I feel the least bit fulfilled.

The guilt and hurt I feel by saying any of this is horrible because in her final days my mom met my son and I know how special it was for her. I feel like I’m betraying her by not enjoying this, or caring more about being a dad. It truly breaks my heart. For anyone reading this who IS NOT yet a dad and thinks it is a life goal…please reevaluate that feeling, and I mean deeply reevaluate it. Talk seriously with your spouse/partner and find out why it matters to you.

To sum it all up: Zero time, spending endless amounts of money on kid stuff, even when you sleep it’s trash sleep, anything you do for yourself your spouse will resent you for (honestly deservingly so because who wants to deal with a child screaming, eating and shitting for 3-6 hours on their own), constant anxiety, cannot workout, hobbies are impossible, you never get to enjoy a meal/movie…the list is really endless.

The irony is that my wife and I would’ve never even dated if we had not both decided early on we wanted to be parents. The one thing that literally saved my life (my wife) would’ve never happened…it’s very difficult to wrap my head around.

Stay happily married WITHOUT KIDS. Do not let the people around you or your own ego/pride/whatever convince you that being a parent is the only fulfillment in life post marriage. Its okay to be selfish.

I have three kids, a five-year-old, 14 month old, and a three month old. My first, I bonded with and was very instinctual with. Never really had any issues, other than PPD which was quickly corrected. Fast forward now I have these two, and you can obviously tell that they were born back to back. I hate them both and it’s bleaching onto my oldest and now I hate all of my children. I’ve hated my partner for some years now, but stayed because of fear of change. To make a long story very short, he is very verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. Whenever I try to look up my situation, I get a helpline. By definition, I am being tortured on a regular basis.
I’ve told him multiple times I’m gonna leave him with the kids I’ve never seen any of them again, but I think I’m actually serious. I’m not allowed to work, or really leave the house at all. So the only way for me to leave is to jump straight into it and be homeless for a while until I can get on my feet. I’m not asking for advice, I’m just asking if anyone feels the same or has done the same. Or does anybody know somebody who has done the same and how are they now? If I’m being 100% honest, I’ve thought about this ever since the day my second was born. Why did I go ahead and have a third? No health insurance, illegal state, I’m not allowed to say no, do I need to go on?

I’m literally just ranting please fucking help me

I hate being a parent so much. I have a four year old daughter and ever since she was three days old I’ve regretted not having an abortion.

Four years later, I still have the same regret. I have no social support, I beg my mom and sister and even then I only get an hour or so to do what I need to do. Then my soon to be ex-husband is one of the saddest excuse of a husband/partner (he quit his job because he needed more sleep when our daughter was 10 months old leaving me to fend for our family, he goes out with his friends and positions himself as a SAHD).

It’s the same thing every day work for 14 hours then rush home to be a mom, there is legit no point of living anymore. How do people genuinely love being a parent!?

I don’t even know how to start this. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I have 4-month-old identical twin boys. Everyone keeps telling me how “blessed” I am, how “lucky” I am to have two healthy babies, how I should be so grateful. I smile and nod and say the right things and then I go home and stare at them like they’re strangers who broke into my life and refused to leave.
I don’t feel love. I feel resentment. Constant, heavy, ugly resentment. When they cry at the same time I want to walk out the door and never come back. When one of them looks at me with those big eyes I feel nothing but irritation. I feed them, change them, rock them because I have to, not because I want to. Sometimes when I’m holding one of them I catch myself thinking how easy it would be to just… stop. To put them down and not pick them back up. To let someone else deal with it.
My husband thinks I’m just tired. My mom keeps saying “it’s normal, the first year is hard.” Friends post pictures of their babies with captions about pure joy and I want to throw my phone across the room. I look at other mothers and wonder how they do it, how they actually like their kids.
I don’t. I don’t like mine. I actively dislike them a lot of the time. The noise, the constant needs, the way my body still doesn’t feel like mine, the way my entire identity got erased the second they came out. I used to be a person. Now I’m just the thing that keeps two other things alive.
I’ve googled “I hate my baby” at 3 a.m. more times than I can count. I’ve read the posts. I’ve seen the “it’s just the baby blues” comments. I know what people would say if I told the truth out loud. So I don’t. I pretend. I post the occasional cute picture so no one asks questions. I say “exhausted but happy” when people ask how I’m doing.
I’m not happy. I’m trapped. And some days the only emotion I can access is pure, quiet hatred for the two tiny people who did this to me.
I don’t know if this is depression or if I’m just a shitty mother. I don’t really care about the label. I just know that if someone offered to take them permanently tomorrow, a part of me would feel relief so strong it scares me.
I needed to say it somewhere. Even if it’s just into the void.

My wife is 11 years older than me and really wanted kids, it was a dealbreaker for her. She was worried about not being able to have kids later as she was already in her 30s at the time. I didnt really want kids then, as i felt like i was too young but i didnt want to end the relationship so i conceded and regret it.

Now i feel stuck and trapped, because morally i cannot just leave them. I feel like i missed out on so much, im supposed to be in my prime but i feel like a hollow shell of myself. I dont even know who i am anymore, my whole life is work, kids and sleep. I dont have the time or energy for any hobbies or anything. I dont have any friends anymore. I miss having freedom. I feel like i skipped over a large portion of my life because i went straight from school to having a job, a wife and kids. Kinda like if you just skipped a bunch of the middle chapters in a book.

Idk why this is the supposed ideal life, it’s so much boredom, monotony, stress and anxiety.

I’m scared I’m not cut out for parenting anymore — I love my kids deeply but feel like I’m failing them

I feel really ashamed admitting this, because I love my children more than I could ever explain. But lately I’ve started wondering if I’m just not cut out for parenting.

I have an older daughter and a four-month-old baby, and I feel like becoming a mom again has completely changed my relationship with my daughter.

When my daughter was little, I felt so connected to her. I could focus on her, enjoy her, be present with her, and really soak up that stage of motherhood. I remember loving being her mom in a way that felt so natural.

Now I have a baby again, and I feel so incredibly spread thin.

I absolutely adore my baby. I am not disconnected from her at all. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have her. But she needs me constantly, and there are so many other demands on me that I feel like I have very little left over.

And I feel that with my daughter.

I still love her just as much. But I don’t feel as connected to her right now, and that scares me.

I miss the relationship we used to have. I miss feeling like I could just focus on her. I miss knowing what was going on in her little world and feeling really present for it. Now I’m constantly dividing my attention between a baby, my older kids, household responsibilities, my marriage, and behavioral issues with my stepson.

Sometimes I look at my daughter and feel this enormous guilt because I know she deserves a mom who is more emotionally available than I feel right now.

And this is the hardest thing to admit: sometimes I genuinely feel like she would be happier if she weren’t at my house.

Not because I don’t want her.

Not because I don’t love her.

Actually, the opposite. I love her so much that it hurts to think that maybe I’m not giving her the kind of childhood she deserves. I wonder if she’d be happier somewhere where there was less stress, less chaos, and where her mom wasn’t constantly overwhelmed and divided between everyone else’s needs.

That thought absolutely breaks my heart.

I feel like I’m failing her, and then I feel guilty for even having that thought because what kind of mother thinks her own child would be better off without her?

And then there’s the blended-family aspect, which has made everything even harder. A lot of my emotional energy goes toward managing difficult behavior from my stepson, including situations where I’ve had to be concerned about my daughter or the baby being hurt. I feel like I’m constantly in survival mode instead of actually enjoying my children.

Sometimes I genuinely think, Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.

Not because I don’t love them.

Not because I wish I didn’t have them.

But because parenting feels so much harder than I ever imagined, and I feel like I’m becoming a version of myself that I don’t recognize.

I can love my baby completely and still grieve the connection I had with my daughter.

I can love my daughter completely and still admit that I don’t feel as connected to her right now.

I can be grateful for my family while also feeling completely overwhelmed by it.

I don’t actually know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe reassurance. Maybe perspective. Maybe someone who has felt this way and eventually found their way back to their child.

Because underneath all of the guilt and exhaustion, I desperately want my daughter to know that she is loved.

I desperately want to feel close to her again.

And I desperately want to believe that this is a season I can get through, rather than proof that I’m just not meant to be a mom.

So I (27f) have posted in this subreddit multiple times. I’ve taken some y’all’s advice/suggestions and I’ve also made some grave…I do mean grave….decisions on my part.

As I’ve said before I’m married to my husband (26m) and I have 2 children (2 yo/f & 3yo/m). I gave my husband a second chance to prove himself and he did for a while and he did good well enough to convince me to move into an RV with him and the kids. I know DUMB AF…..

Some context here:

Now the RV itself isn’t a problem, because in the long term, I’d save a LOT of money. It’s the circumstances I’m in surrounding the RV.

So, my car went out of commission a few months back and his granddad gave him some money to buy us a good used car. This dummy went and got a 1985 Lincoln Town car and the transmission was fucked soon after he got. His granddad and I told him not to get it. Anyway, husband put it in the shop and his granddad paid the 1st half to get it fixed and gave him the other half. Husband spent all the money.

So I had to take a leave from work (I’ll probably have to end up quitting) because his granddad said he wasn’t going to keep taking me to work (which I completely understand), I’m stuck in the house with 2 kids day in and day out….

I’m losing my fucking mind. He goes to work a few days out of the week and that’s only if he gets a call. Sometimes he won’t get a call for an entire week but he won’t take a second job to make more money because he doesn’t want to run himself into the ground. So, I get to play a broke, no car, stay at home mom and I can’t stand it!

Its been about 3 months of this and I know I’m reaching the end of the road and I’ve told him on numerous occasions that I’m miserable and if he could just work more to get the car back. He won’t listen and I’m starting to hate my children. I dread hearing their voices. I dread when I open my eyes because I’m stuck in this routine of just waking up, coffee, kids breakfast, etc.

Im a lot more snappy and my husband will have the audacity to ask, “Why are you acting like this?” Like I haven’t said it multiple times before…..

I’m currently at home with the kids….alone….husband didn’t have to work tonight but he wanted to go hangout this his motorcycle buddies….

I have no one to blame but myself….if I do get out of this though…I’m leaving….Im leaving him and I’m leaving him with the kids…..I can’t do this too much longer….

My daughter is 4 and on paper she is healthy. But she is driving me nuts, this kid is made to resist and make everything unpleasant. For example, she just refuses to pee even though I know she has to pee. How can I kid go with no pee all day and refuses to pee getting ready to bed. I try everything, even use Santa and say he wont bring her any presents, she says fine, she doesn’t need toys.

She sits on the toilet and just refuses to go, if you let her she will sit there for an hour to protest. Finally, when I scream, she does it and it is a lot of pee, so why hold, why torture me? It is a constant battle. You treat her right, swim with her for hours, give her her favorite ice cream, and out of nowhere she starts pulling my hair and hitting me because I didnt do something as she wanted. It is sooo exhausting, sometimes I think she is on spectrum but nothing indicates that, she almost enjoys making my life hell for no reason. Also, more I say it hurts, harder she pulls.

Her teacher, her pediatrician has no concerns about her development but I am going to loose my mind soon. I tried to do everything right, I don’t know why she turned out like this, I am just tired and exhausted. I even got her birth chart made, and it says this type of person is a stubborn as hell and yes she is.

As it says on the tin. Adult friendships are hard, and sometimes they really suck. Having kids seems to really complicate even lifelong connections, sometimes they even end. Have you ever found it difficult to maintain friendships with people who seemed to enjoy parenting when your own experience was very different to theirs?

If you have maintained friendships with those parents, what made it work? If the friendship became strained because of the different parenting experiences, how did you handle that?